Those who care will care.  Those who don't won't. Selfish as as selfish does if one is narcissictic. To be placed in circumstances the mental and emotional don't want to be in.  But are stuck in a timeless doom it seems.  Open minded to ones situation will change seems so in seeing the future will change.  But one should never give up! Never give in, never loose hope, never lose faith. Fight! Fight!! Know your worth and love you as much as you know you are capable of loving others.  Joy cometh in the morning!

Toy High  

Skylar had had it! She looked around the dark room, her body was stiff and non-feeling as to what had just happened. Asking herself ''How did I get here again?'' Sky felt as if she was always making the wrong decisions when it came to her family, friends and relationships. Lying next to a man she didn't love, and who had selfishly made love to her because she had become distant. She no longer felt nothing down there. She was not sexually, physically, mentally nor emotionally attracted to Preston anymore. What started off as being friends grew into what she thought would be the best thing ever in her life. It wasn't. Preston now bytched, ranted and raved how she wasn't having sex with him. It seemed as if that was all he cared about for the past six months of their relationship. Skylar felt Preston was super dull in bed, he had no imagination. How were these other women so turned on by him and how were they all open wide for him she pondered over many times. This was always an issue for her. She felt in the beginning she could open him up some, show him some different things. The more they made love the better it would get. But to no avail.

Preston had a lot going on!! Too much damn baggage and luggage from his previous relationships. Rather that was from family, jobs, his children and his marriage that had lasted ten years but they had been divorced for eight. You would have thought that they recently gotten divorced. Sky thought she was a handful, but Preston was too much for color TV and she was tired. Way past tired! Being with Preston was like being with a hormonal teenager that was stubborn and never listened to reason nor logic! And that there made her even more ready to walk away. But being unemployed, and living off of unemployment checks was not going to get rid of him! The economy was so damn bad that she had no choice but to keep her fine azz right where she was until something had come through for her.

Not wanting to move in with any friends, nor any men that were attracted to her. She really didn't know that many people out here that well to ask if she could move in with them. Not having a job, and maybe another good six months getting her unemployment was not good. The best friend she had out here was engaged and living with her fiance so she couldn't and would not ask her. Damn!

Because Preston worked from home, Skylar could not get a break! Everyday he was asking for sex, more than six or seven times asking over and over, ''Are you going to give me some?'' so now she had to leave everyday and come home late. Not able to get on her desktop or laptop to look for work at the house. He bothered her all day and all night. It wore her out. There was never any privacy, even when she moved into the spare bedroom, door locked and all. Preston would wear her out and get loud and obnoxious as to why she was sleeping in there, and why the door was locked. Even when she took a bath! Skylar was praying, hoping and wishing so hard in her mind, heart and soul that she would get a job soon! She was so consumed with wanting a job that it took over her life to the extent that she went to bed with it on her mind. That she dreamt of it, that she spoke on it, wrote standards, and doodled it constantly. She knew that she couldn't take just any job, she had to get a good job that would help her live comfortably. Where she could eat, live, pay bills and save up some money and enjoy life just a little bit.

Skylar had gotten on dating sites just to be entertained of the many men who thought that she was extremely beautiful and extremely intelligent from what she placed on her profile. Why was she single? Was something wrong with her? Though she was not fully single, that is what she felt in her heart. The relationship she had with Preston was dead and over. She was single. She found herself going out with other men, meeting them at public places. She really didn't want another relationship. All of these men were simply distractions from what she was going through at home. She found things , a lot of things wrong with these men. She cut a lot of them off sometimes after the first date. Blocking them on her phone, or email. Also blocking them on the dating site. As soon as she got their number she blocked them. Most of these men were clingy, insecure, wanting to be in a relationship with her immediately and take her into their lives. Skylar knew that she was wrong, but these men, family and some of her close friends were distractions.

Preston at first was not bothered by her being gone all day. Because he knew that Skylar was looking hard for a job. Skylar told Preston that he was distracting her from looking for a job wanting to make love to him all the time which was the total opposite. She told Preston she was going to the library, unemployment offices in various surrounding cities and unemployment one stop centers that could help her. Skylar was looking to open up an online boutique. So she looked up information. She checked out books and studied and researched what she wanted to do. Preston knew this so he didn't bother her nor gave her a hard time. Skylar went to network mixing events, real estate events, open house events! Anything that could keep her away from Preston and out of the house. She always invited Preston, knowing he would not come because he didn't have the time. Preston was a hard worker and had other hustles he worked on to make money. His weekends were full in one way or the other. It was at these times that Skylar could get some mental and emotional rest.

Skylar's nerves were shot to hell! The look, smell, smile everything about Preston stressed her out and worked her nerves. How could someone that she loved so much at one time and would do anything for disgust her to this level? How did they get here? A good looking, well dressed provider? A man that was an irritant and got a kick out of agitating her, pressuring her, picking on her and pressuring her for sex when he knew she didn't want him. Like he got a kick out of it! Even when he got tired of asking, threatened to kick her out, or so-called threaten to cheat on her because she wasn't having sex with him. He would turn back on his word and want her! Her! Her! Her!


I knew Preston's schedule, of course I did. I could no longer pay to go to the gym anymore. So what I had done was get up at 5 am in the morning. I would quietly work out in the basement, or bottom floor because California really didn't have basements. When I finished I would go make coffee for the both of us. Then I would head into the bathroom and take my shower and get my clothes out to get dressed. I would make myself a lunch and snacks and pack them in my insulated lunch pail. After I made my lunch, I would go make my face up, and then come back and make breakfast for Preston and I. Preston was a man that was organized and got up at 7 am to work out and get ready to work. I had to think and think smarter than Preston so he wouldn't be the wiser of my moves. So by the time Preston had worked out and showered. Breakfast was on the stove, coffee was ready and I was sitting at the table on my laptop browsing the internet and all of my fav social media sites and posting. Preston would make his coffee, fix his plate to sit down and eat. I would be finishing up my breakfast, cleaning up behind myself. Collecting my things to leave!

I would chat with Preston in the morning of course. Making him, what I felt feel good about his life and who he was. Preston was very self absorbed. An extreme cocky and narcissist man that was highly insecure and needed to be complimented and ran up behind all of the time. She, me, I Skylar could no longer do that anymore. Preston's ego for me had gotten totally out of control. I knew why the women were all over him. Sure I did, I knew this for years! He was extremely handsome, charming, knew what to say and how to say it. He wore designer labels and shoes. He drove a flashy Benz convertible. But Preston was not a romantic, he was a trick. He paid bills, took women on shopping sprees and trips. This, this to me was why women dealt with him for the money. Because he was horrible in bed, and he was a horrible listener and extremely selfish in certain areas. It had to be about Preston. If it wasn't and he wasn't getting worshiped. There was an issue. So I praised and semi worshiped Preston enough to make him feel good about his life and about us. I guess....

I did look for a job intensely. When I went on all of these mixers and networking events I was always asking people if their company was hiring. So forth and so on. Even the guys I went out with on these dates or coffee meet ups I would ask. I applied and looked up all the companies, found positions I was qualified for and applied and sent my resume and cover letter off. I was determined to find a job!

I was in a Starbucks one afternoon, a bit flustered. I was on my laptop and had heard a man over talking on the phone. He stated that he needed a personal assistant part time. My ears perked up, I could be a personal assistant! I had no experience in being one, but I knew that I could do it. So when the gentlemen got off the phone I struck up a conversation with him. I told him that I could and would be willing to help him out. I told him my experience. That I could do it for him on a temporary basis. That I was looking for full-time job and that looking for work had been slow and I needed the money and needed something to do with all the spare time I had on my hand. He was a bit hesitant, but of course me being me I had charmed him. He didn't want a person that would work for him on a temporary basis. But he had agreed. I was in! Of course this was no quick chat, we had sat up and talked for a couple of hours. With me of course giving him a hard copy of my resume which I had on me.

Mr. Baron was an older man that was a pediatrician and was ready to retire early. He was opening up a coffee and desert shop. Mr. Baron was a man that had put his hands in a lot of business ventures to make money. He was single and needed someone to assist with running errands for him and doing paper work and small things here and there. I knew I could handle that. I told Mr. Baron that I would prefer to be paid under the table. He had agreed, I didn't want to interfere with my unemployment checks. When Mr. Baron had told me what he would be paying me a week, I was taken back! $800.00 a week to work part time was more than what I had expected.

We talked for a couple of hours, and then I followed Mr. Baron to his office. He explained what he needed, gave me more of a description of what I would be doing and how he would email me every evening of what he needed me to do the next day. That I was to only work from 8-12 Monday thru Friday. This would give me time to still go on interviews and send my resumes out to various employers. This was perfect! I would save the money that I would make working for Mr. Baron. I would also be able to give more money towards the household bills with Preston. This would get him off of my back some. He always threw up in my face that he paid the bills in the house. But was he not paying them before I had moved in? But I had decided that I would give Preston $100.00 a week from my weekly unemployment checks. Though $2,400 a month seems like a lot. For me it really wasn't enough. I had a car note, car insurance. I had to get an apartment and rent had gone up all over. One thing I could not understand was why did things go up when the economy was doing bad??? So paying rent, household products, car note, insurance, food, gas and any other incidentals I would be scraping by. Robbing Peter to pay Paul. Which is why I had left my apartment anyway. The money I had was spreading thin very quickly after two months of being unemployed. Who knew when I was going to find a job? I just knew that if I didn't get a job in three months, I would barely be eating! So I had to give a thirty day notice to my Property Mangament company. I was so happy that my lease was over and I was month to month. That truly worked in my favor!

I left Mr. Baron's office feeling super uber good about my life at this point! Something was indeed better than nothing! Then it dawned on me! I had found a way to keep Preston off of me and asking for sex! Preston stressed me so much about sex, basically raping me in my opinion. I knew what I could do. I know some may say get a motel or hotel room. But my unemployment wouldn't cover that. My car note, storage fees and insurance on my car. So I didn't have many choices.

Preston was into healthy living just as I was. So I had an awesome idea! I went to a GNC and I bought us some vitamins. I then went to a local drug store. I purchased some non-addictive sleeping pills. I was going to put Preston to sleep every night! When I got in the car I had removed the vitamins from the bottle and replaced them with the sleeping aids. I smiled, though it may have been wrong. I had to keep Preston off of me. I was way past tired of his hands groping me daily him speaking of sex. Coming in the room at night to have sex. I was over it! I had even purchased some Tylenol PM. I would replace the pills that he had in the medicine cabinet with them. Taking his old bottle of headache meds and pain meds and replacing them with the Tylenol PM. Just letting Preston know that I had bought him some more. Of course I had to buy a regular bottle of aspirin and take those out and replace them with the Tylenol PM. When Preston played ball on the weekends, he would come back with super sore muscles and take aspirin for the sore muscles and light pain. Why had I not thought of this before?

I went to the grocery store and had purchased some food for dinner. I always cooked our meals, and cleaned up the house. Preston was a very clean man. Something that we both had in common. We loved a clean and well kept home. I had also purchased some fresh sunflowers, my favorite flower. I wanted to celebrate. I had $50 in my account. That would be enough for gas to get me back and forth to work until I had gotten my unemployment check in a couple of days.

When I came home, Preston was in his office door half closed on the phone. I breath a sigh of relief. I quickly went into my room. Changed my clothes, and went back into the kitchen to quickly get started on dinner. I had placed the vitamins and Tylenol PM on the counter. As I had pots and pans on the stove I had quickly went into Preston's bathroom and took his old bottle of Tylenol and replaced it with the new one. There were only a few pills left. So I put that bottle in my purse.

Preston sounded like he was in the middle of making a deal. So I knew that it would be awhile before he had gotten off of the phone. Shrimp, steak for him. I no longer ate red meat. A huge salad, baked potatoes. Home made garlic bread. Fresh strawberry lemonade. The works! I had also picked up a carrot cake! Preston's favorite! I set the table, putting my flowers in a vase in the center of the dining table temporarily. After dinner they would go in my room. Bring it life!  

I had set the table, made it all pretty and inviting. Just as I was placing the food on the table. Preston had walked in. Smiling and surprised. He came up and kissed me. Moving his hands all over my body. I now always tensed up when he touched me and gritted my teeth. I forced my body to relax. And I kept moving around.

“I feel good, you know we are making love tonight right?” He laughed. I felt Preston knew I didn't want to have sex with him. It was his way now of torturing me. He would see the look on my face when he always spoke on it. He would laugh at my disgruntled facial expressions. It didn't matter if I was tired, had a headache or didn't want to. Preston seemed as if that is when he wanted it the most. Getting a kick that I was tired, or that I didn't want to. He wanted passion, and I stopped giving him that. When I didn't, it would anger him intensely where we, or he would be angry and yell and threaten me. The crazy thing was, Preston was never like this! Never! But it back fired on me. While he was thinking I was all over him because I was turned on by him. Not knowing that I was having sex with him in hopes that I could teach him a few things, Open him up, nope, not at all. So I got totally turned off. It was also at this time that Preston was watching porn. He never wanted to watch it with me. He felt now that when he watched it a lot that he was now being open minded. It wasn't! Preston to me was on a fast track of crazy nothingness! If I didn't leave, I was going to get on his slippery slope. I no longer saw a future that I once saw with Preston. Marriage, dogs, having at least one child. Time was passing me by quickly and I wanted to at least have one baby. But I was okay if I didn't. I had learned and found out too many things about Preston that were not attractive and would not make for a good husband, let alone a father of my child. Wow! How things changed! Why would anyone threaten to put someone out on the street if they didn't have sex with them and give it with loads of passion? I had to do exactly what he said when he said how he said at all times!

“Sure! I have great news so making love would be in order!” Preston smiled. And was a bit shocked. I rarely if any came at Preston wanting to have sex with him. But I knew in my head, that we would not be having sex.

“Oh really? What is the good news?” Preston was pulling his chair out to sit down looking at the food on the table and the fresh sunflowers. I first knew that a meal like this would make Preston sleepy, giving him itis! Where all he would want to do is lay down. There were so many carbs on this table it was ridiculous! We both ate very healthy and worked out. Of course we cheated and ate what we wanted. But we were both health conscience. I had started fixing Preston's plate and mine.

“Well I have a part time gig. Which I feel could be a full-time gig in the future. Depending on how well this man is impressed with my work. I met a man today by the name of Mr. Baron. He was looking for a personal assistant. I spoke on my skills, sold myself and he hired me just like that!” Preston smiled.

“Good for you babe! So this is truly a celebration!”

“Yes! It is! I can pay you $400 a month and save up some money. And eventually move out of your house.” When I said that Preston immediately went sullen, sad almost. Just in that instant I had began to feel some emotions. But quickly gotten back to my senses. Here was a man that had tortured me from the day that I moved in it seemed. I was at his beck and call. Giving and giving of myself until I lost myself. Being agitated and irritated by a man who was very selfish and it was all about him. The dictator of this house, I was a slave. For me it felt this way. He cleared his throat.

“Sounds good. Sounds real good I am happy for you babe!” I knew he really wasn't.

I sat down and began to tell him the story of how I met Mr. Baron. When I was going to start. That I would still be looking for a job that was full-time. I didn't tell Preston how much I would be making. I told him that I would probably be home some evenings late at night. Due to some of the things I would have to do. Some days I would be working in the morning to afternoon. Some days from the afternoon to the evening. That I would still be going to my mixers and networking events and various seminars that I had booked myself for the next three weeks. Though Preston knew I went to these seminars and mixers. He never questioned me about them. He knew I was a very sociable person. That my interest in various things had me meeting and speaking to different people. He also knew that I wanted to get into various business ventures once I had gotten upon my feet. And meeting people and going to events would assist me in my desires and goals.

I also told him about me going and getting us vitamins and such. That we were only to take the vitamins in the evening with our meal. I had the vitamins on the table. Preston thanked me for thinking of him. His whole attitude at dinner had changed. Oh well!

After we had eaten, we took our vitamins. I told Preston that I needed to change the comforter set on my bed and sheets. That I needed to get on my laptop and send some info over to Mr. Baron. Which I did. Check my email, take a bath and that we could spend some time together. I had two different types of sleeping pills. I gave Preston two. Him thinking they were vitamins. I figured that by the time I had changed my bedding, spent about a good thirty minutes on my laptop and take a nice soak. Preston would be fast asleep!

I changed my bedding. Took my dirty bedding in the laundry room and started the washing machine. I got on my laptop. Checked some emails. Checked some of the job websites and sent off a few resumes. I sent my resume, references letters that I had received from previous employers speaking highly of me. I got the list of things I needed to do from Mr. Baron along with a meeting he had set up that I needed to attend at 10:30 am. I was excited! I had thanked God under my breath for the miracle that had occurred today and asked for forgiveness for giving Preston sleeping aids and lying. But I couldn't find nor think of any other way to keep him off of me. I had tired of staying out late at night. Finding places to go to to stay out of the house. Wearing myself thin with emotional and mental worry that was taking a toll on me physically. All of the aggravation, complaining and mental torture were wearing me out. It was like we couldn't just sit down and talk like we use to. Not without him acting out, being mean, an azzhole or asking for sex. Pressuring me for sex I should say.

When I had gotten done. I closed my laptop and realized I had been on my laptop for an hour. I went to the laundry room and put the clean bedding in the dryer and started the wash with the rest of my bedding. When I went back upstairs I tip-toed towards Preston's room. My room was at the opposite end of the hall upstairs. So our rooms were not close to one another. He didn't walk by my room to get to the staircase and vice versa. I heard his TV on, the lights were on in his room. When I got closer to his room my heart was pounding out of my chest. There he was, sprawled across his bed, lying down sleep in his plush white bathrobe. I crept in , turned the lights off and the TV. Preston would be sleep allll night! I smiled and was happy happy happy! I went to my room, grabbed my bath robe and went into the hall bathroom and took a shower. I would sleep very well tonight!


I still got up at my usual time and worked out. I made coffee, took my shower. Made Preston and I breakfast. I ate mine and I left the house! Just as Preston was stirring and getting up. Before I had gotten to the office I had picked up an apartment magazine. I had this new breath, this new lease on life. I hadn't felt this alive in months! I felt things were going to change for me for the better!

I had the keys to the office from Mr. Baron. I knew where my office was. My log in and all of that on the computer. I got to work quickly doing just a few small things for Mr. Baron. Most of my work really consisted of running errands and doing small various executive administrative work. I made a few calls, sent some emails off. Ran one errand. Placed a few orders online for Mr. Baron and I had thirty minutes before the meeting was to start. So I flipped through the apartment magazine. Circling the apartments I wanted to live in. Making tabs on the pages. I envisioned myself in my own place. I envisioned my furnishings in my new home! I envisioned life....loving me, building me back up to the state and place that I was accustomed to. I know problems and issues would arise in life. Just as me losing my job had brought havoc in my life. Losing my place. But I was indeed blessed that I was still doing well and not as bad as others.

I kept asking myself, which I had to get over the guilt of. How did you get here? How did I get involved with a man that turned on me? Where I felt like a slave prisoner with nowhere else to go. I was now letting my frustration be my motivation. I was motivated with this little piece of change to get MY LIFE!!!

“Good morning to you all. I am glad that you all made it here safely. First let me introduce you to my new personal assistant Skylar Sumpter. She as you know will be my right hand woman. I will be sure to give you her cell phone number if you have any questions. I am in the process of buying some commercial property. So Skylar will be taking on some of my extras that I will be unable to pay close attention to. So please welcome her.” Everyone introduced themselves told me what they did and who they were. Mr. Baron spoke of the projects that he was working on and what needed to be done delegating responsibilities to everyone there. Then as the meeting came to a close lunch had arrived. I could tell that this really was not going to be a part time job. I could actually see this becoming a full-time job. All I could do was hope.

After lunch I went into my new office and took care of a few things for Mr. Baron. I just felt the need to prove myself. I was good at multi-tasking and time management. I had been a manger, supervisor on the executive level. I had even worked as a Project Manager. So the task at hand came natural to me and for me. I was shutting down the computer and Mr. Baron had walked in.

“You have a moment before you head out?” I smiled.

“Sure.” He pulled out a chair in front of my desk and sat down.

“I must say your first day here I'm impressed. Also I called your references and checked all of your recommendations. I must say that I am glad that you approached me the other day. I am happy to have you on my team. I know that you will be exceptional at being my personal assistant. Thank you.” He stood up and reached his hand out towards mine. We shook hands and he walked out. I was happy.

A week had gone by with me being extremely busy. I was keeping myself out of the house. Coming in late with no issues. Thus far, I will be honest. I loved and enjoyed when Preston and I talked, hung out, and the silly text messages we sent each other not speaking on sex. Preston and I had met a couple of times for lunch. I never gave him a full schedule. Or my schedule as far as when I worked. Though I did let Preston know where I was going and who I was with only out of respect for him. As far as Preston was concerned we were still together. In my heart and mind we were not! When I had these conversations with Preston it seems as if he only heard what he wanted to hear. Preston had promised and threatened that he would find a woman that would have sex with him. I followed up by saying, “Go ahead, do what you do.” Preston to me was a cheater and a huge womanizer and loved to flirt with women. I know this for a fact and not fiction. I have caught him many of times doing it.

One of the great things that had also happened was that Preston had gotten two major clients and was working hard! Bombarded with work. Some nights I came home Preston would be knocked out in his bed. My was I grateful for those nights. But I always walked on pins and needles knowing soon he would be asking for sex. It didn't matter if I didn't want it or not. Preston would fall out, have a temper tantrum and it would spark an argument. Yes I could leave now that I had this part-time gig. But I would be staying in a hotel room, or a kitchenette type residence that would cost me weekly $425.00! This was Cali! Everything was high. There was no way I could save up money and get an apartment and move out. Plus I would hate giving up over $2,000 for a single apartment. I thought about it hard over and over that I should do it. I should just leave. Just pick up and go!!! But it wasn't wisdom. If I could just hold on until I got a job I would be straight! I regret running through my savings and having to pay Peter and rob Paul! I promised myself I wouldn't do that. If I hadn't moved so quickly and feeling desperate, I would have not had to move in here with Preston. Hey, what can I say, you live and you learn. Now I am paying for it big time!

I was still on my grind, I had a couple of interviews. Or should I say group interviews that I didn't feel went well. It was like a cattle call of some sort. I never felt good with interviews like that. Due in part that you were not interviewed one on one. It had me down for a minute, but I had to quickly pick myself up and working for Mr. Baron placed a smile on my face because the work came easy and natural for me. I enjoyed what I did for him and with him. I enjoyed working with his staff and team. So that was a major plus. They made me feel comfortable and answered any questions that I may have had and assisted me in anything that I needed. That was very welcoming.

I had decided that I needed to take my game to another level. I had revamped my cover letters again, and made at least four different resumes. All catering to the things I had knowledge of and experience and could do. I know the economy was bad. However, I needed to at least make a nice salary of $45,00 a year. No less than $40,000. I wasn't being picky, I would have to take what I could take and if I had to move into a studio apartment that would still cost me an arm and a leg. Depending on where I moved to. I was up for the sacrifice and being humble. I just didn't want to stay in a bad area. And I also didn't want to move out so far that I would be burning all of my gas to get back and forth to work. Cali was no joke! Where some things were cheaper. Like maybe your utilities. Food was sky high, rent was not reasonable. I mean I knew how to cut back on a lot of things. I knew how to bargain shop for groceries and other things. I had been doing that pretty much all my adult life. Of course being on a budget now more than ever living here with Preston. I contributed to utility bills and food and also buying household products. Which wasn't a bad deal. Preston didn't pressure me hard. But again making it a fact that I was basically living here for free and he had my back. How did love, love I felt was so deep and true turn into this! Someone and something I was so disgusted in being with and sex I was disgusted in giving? The threat of being kicked out of I didn't cooperate loomed over my head all the time. I loathed walking on egg shells in the house. The fear of him walking in my room and climbing into bed with me. Ugh..... Prostitute was all I could think of.

Preston had text me and told me that he had a client dinner meeting this evening. That he would be in late. Wooing this client was going to be hard and he needed to pull out all the stops. So I had a great idea! I had decided to go to the store and buy the cheap knock off Tupperware or plastic containers. I was going to go home and defrost and cook up as much food as I possibly could. I was going to make homemade TV dinners! Walla! All I had to do was place all the sides and of course meat in the container. I had mailing labels so all I had to do was write on the labels what was in the dinner and place them in the freezer. Preston was a junk eater and he loved fruits. Go figure! So I went out and bought cookies and cakes and veggies. Cut the fruit up and placed in containers and labeled those as well.

When I got home I washed my hands, turned on some music and got busy! I had even made sandwiches and labeled those in containers. I was the galloping gourmet cook. Moving at the speed of light it seemed. Wiping down, cutting, slicing, boiling, frying, baking, toasting. Washing dishes as I went along and putting some in the dishwasher. I cooked every meat and veggie there was in the freezer and fridge it seemed. I had to make room for my TV dinners.

When I had finished up cooking I got a start on cleaning up the house. Though there was not much to do. I was on a role now! I mopped, vacuumed, dusted, washed my clothes, swept, cleaned the mirrors and after all was said and done I was now tired. Preston loved the scented candles. So of course I had a few lit up in the kitchen, dining room, living room and my the bathroom I was given. I had sent a text to Preston, him not answering let me know that he was still deep off in with this client. I knew he would be spent when he came home. This could go one or three ways. If I was up, Preston would want sex to get the angst off. Or he would go to bed, or he would want to talk about what had happened. I voted to talk about what had happened to keep his mind off of the sex.

It was going on 7:30 and I got a call from a school chum that I had went to college with. Asked if I had wanted to meet up and have drinks and appetizers. His treat. Wow! What a big break! This way I was saved again, hoping that I would be out long enough for Preston to make it home and go to sleep and not be up working. Or stressed out up late thinking of this new client he had been working hard on.

Marco was cool. We didn't, or I didn't have any attraction to him at all. Not that he wasn't attractive or anything. I just never looked at him that way. So for me getting all dressed up and stepping out to the nines was not what I was going to do. This was not a date. Of course I would look my best, but not impressive best. Besides, we had hung out before here and there.

I went in my closet and pulled out a pair of my snug fitting jeans, a nice top to go with it. Matching clutch with a pair of pumps. I took a quick hot shower. Pulled my hair back in a slick ponytail and lightly beat my face with MAC make-up. Sprayed on some lemon body spray and headed out of the front door. When I got in my car I sent Preston a text of who I was with and where I was going. Preston knew who Marco was. He had met him before and we had hung out a time or two with him and his girlfriend. Preston felt for awhile that Marco was feeling me and into me. And that he wanted me. That he could tell by the way he acted around me and looked at me. This was one of our insecure jealous arguments we would have. Amongst many. But I guess after time of Marco coming by with his friends or girlfriend to my apartment for dinners and social gatherings and get together's. Preston had relaxed a bit. He no longer mentioned Marco and his crush on me. As I said before, if he had one on to me I never felt it nor did I get any energy from Marco that he had feelings for me.

When I got to the bar lounge restaurant place I was impressed! It was a place I had never been to before. Never heard of before! How could I have missed this? I was what one could call a socialite because I was all over making contacts, networking, mixing and meeting people all the time. There was live music playing. Jazz band. Very mice. There was a full all out restaurant on the other side of the building. There was also a nice little area where you could enjoy the scene and not have to be in the bar area nor the restaurant area. There were sofas, chaise lounges, comfy cushy chairs. You could have drinks, listen to the music and order appetizers in that area as well. Very nicely decorated. It smelled great with the aromatherapy they had going on. The food smelled good. I was in love.

Marco saw me and was actually sitting in the lounge area I was so in love with. Candles lit, very nice. I had noticed there were a couple of other people we had went to college with there. I hadn't seen Mya, Peter and Katie in a long tome. We all hugged tightly and kissed each other on the cheek. They all looked well. I hoped they were doing as well as they looked. Because at this time in my life. I looked much better than I was doing and feeling. I mean I was grateful for the recent turn of events. But ...well you already know.

We all ordered drinks and appetizers. I had at least $30.00 I cold spend. But at the end of the day Marco had invited me out so I felt he should be paying. It was good to drink and catch up and speak of old times and funny times from when we were in college. I could have stayed there all night. We all took selfies, pictures with our phone. Exchanged numbers and followed each other on Instagram and our Twitter accounts. The night was quite lively! I didn't want to go home!

Everyone had left except for Marco. I had actually drank a bit more than I should have. So I had to at least have some water and a cup of coffee. Marco wanted to stay with me until I sobered up a bit.

“So how have been things with you Skylar?”

“It's been rough since I got laid off from my job. I had to move out of my apartment. I went through my savings paying my rent and bills. I just knew that I would have a job before I went through my savings. Nope I didn't. My unemployment they were trying to fight me on. Why I have no idea. So I didn't get my first check until two months down the line. I shook my head. So I had to pay my high azz rent, car note and insurance. Eat, gas and you know the rest.”

“Wow! I had no idea. Where are you staying now?”

“I moved in with Preston. Not because I want to. But because I really had nowhere else to go. Me living with boyfriends or lovers doesn't suit me at all. Never been my thing.”

“It's not working out?” I shook my head no.

“No it's not at all. Preston and I seem to have some debate, argument, disagreement at least three times a week. I have to walk away from many of them. He accuses me of things I am not doing. He feels I am cheating. If I tell him something he says I am a liar, or that I am lying. He complains about how I walk, talk, what I eat, how I dress. How I work out. I am so miserable.”

“Damn Skylar I had no....damn...”

“I stay gone. I get up before him and I try to get home late. Hanging out in coffeehouses. Going to network mixing events, seminars. Anything that will keep me away. If there is a place I can go to listen to live music and don't have to pay to get in I go”

“I would have never thought Preston was like that.”

“You and me both.”

“No other places or friends you could stay with?”
“Nope, my best friend just moved in with her soon to be husband. I couldn't crowd her like that. It's the same as before. I know mostly men, I couldn't move in in with them. Tried looking into renting rooms. That was too expensive. I drive a damn BMW convertible that I wish I could give back. Because I didn't put the much money down on the car. My monthly payments are $650 a month. I could afford it and my rent and way more when I was working. Preston told me just help with what I can. Do what I can. I just got a part-time personal assistant job. The pay is just that part time.”

“You can't get a room, or move out on it?
“Trust me if I could I would. I would be barley making it and can't save any money. I was trying not to lose my apartment or move out I should say. Thank God I still have my 401k. I was close to breaking that. My rent was $1,350 a month. You add that with car note and insurance. I can't lose my car. Who knew? Who knew that the company would downsize? I had been there six years! No talk of downsizing at all.”

Damn Skylar..... if I didn't live with...” I waved my hand in the air.

“This is not your fault. This is life.”

“You seem unhappy, I mean I have been knowing you for awhile now. And I sensed a few things. I thought Preston and you were a team. I looked at you two as the next power couple!” I shook my head no.

“Preston is a person that I have grown to detest like a sickness Marco. There are a lot of things I do not like nor enjoy about him. I just keep praying along with keeping my fingers crossed that something will give and break soon! I have faith, I have hope and I believe. That is all that I can do.”

As soon as I made it back to the house. I saw that Preston was up. Damn!

I was in the bathtub soaking. I couldn't go to sleep. Preston asked all types of questions about hanging out. I had to literally show him the pics I had taken and the post I made on my Instagram. He felt I was dressed up too much. Really? Preston knows that I am that person/lady/woman that will not step out of the door unless I am going to run small errands without heels on. I am a heels and dress up girl. Me, always has been. Then I had to listen to what had happened at his dinner meeting. How vexed he was, he complained and whined. But all of that was totally unnecessary because he ended up getting the client. He wanted to celebrate. I did confess I was tired and had to be up early in the morning. That didn't matter. He wanted to make love, I was stubborn this time and said no. This started and argument, a debate. What is wrong with me. Am I cheating. He can find someone else. I said okay go ahead. Then I don't love him, he does everything for me. Gives me everything, Didn't say anything when I moved out the bedroom. Do I have somewhere to go? Because if I don't want to screw him maybe I should leave here tonight right now. Or …...though I knew he couldn't I get mail here. He would have to file paperwork to evict me. But the hollering and yelling had worked me over and out! So now I sit in the tub, tears falling down my face. Feelings hurt. Praying mumbling. Tired, feeling defeated. Hoar....that was all I could think of.


I had been going on interviews, but nothing quite concrete as of yet. I had gone on two cattle calls. Which I later found out that I was over qualified for. So this is why there was no call back. Two more after that. I had a second interview with one company. It seems they were being extremely scrutinizing in regards to this position. Which I could understand, they were paying a hefty salary and just didn't want to give that money to just anyone. However I knew that my references had stood out and my background and all was clear and impeccable. After the second interview they told me that there was one last interview that had to be made and that was with CEO and staff on the board. This was supposedly taking place in another two weeks. That is after they had a few more interviews with other qualified candidates. I was a bit disappointed. But this was corporate for you.

I had now been three weeks in with working with Mr. Baron. He was very pleased with my work and his staff said I was extremely proficient. I was happy to get the compliments.

“Good morning.” Mr. Baron had walked into my office. I had just got off of the phone handling a few things that was given to me by the staff.

“I need to talk with you. Have a few things I would like to discuss with you. Do you have a moment?”

“Of course I do, you are the boss. I chuckled. I hope this is not bad news.” I was feeling a bit apprehensive about this conversation.

“Where do you stand as far as getting a job?”

“It has been a bit trying. I've gone on interviews and supposedly I am waiting for a third interview.” He shook his head.

“I would like to offer you full time. You are very good at this job. Of course you may have a bit more responsibilities. But I would like to offer you a $1,220 week. How does that sound? Of course benefits, 401k and all of that. There of course are bonuses attached to the salary. But that would just be the break down for the week. A 320 dollar raise a week.” I was jumping for joy on the inside. This was the best news I could ever here. I jumped up clapping my hands and ran from behind my desk and gave Mr. Baron a hug. He laughed and was shocked.

“I will take it!”

“Great! I will give you a bit of a bonus as well.” Look at God!

I would be able to move in two weeks! I had enough money to put a small deposit on an apartment. It was time to look for a place to live. I was saying nothing to Preston about it. I was no longer going to have to take one for the team just to have a place over my head. I had a new fire lit up under my behind!

When I finished up in the office and ran some errands for Mr. Baron I went and looked at some of the apartments that I had circled. Two that I had went and saw had no availability. The one that I really wanted did. I loved the apartment It was in a nice area, it had the amenities that I wanted and it felt like home. This was home. It had a bonus room but was considered to be a one bedroom apartment that was a loft. I went into the leasing office. Filled out the paperwork and left a deposit of $500! I knew I would get the apartment without a doubt. I was asked when I wanted to move in. I said in three weeks. That way I knew I would have the money. The great thing about all of this happening was. I had two more unemployment checks left. I had exhausted all of my unemployment. I was able to get an extension which seemed to take forever! I fought hard for it. It was my third extension of unemployment. I had been living with Preston for almost a year! I couldn't believe it! Things were seemingly happening for me back to back. If I had gotten the job, or a third interview. I will turn it down, I saw the potential of working for Mr. Baron. I could see myself working for him in other capacities of his company and not just as a personal assistant. Doing his admin work, or running errands. I would be fine, great and all of self esteem seemed to have been growing and growing. My chest had been lifted. I had walked out of that leasing office with my head held up high!

I had text Preston, lied in one part and told him that I had gotten hired full-time with the part time job. That I had also taken on a small part time hustle job that started after I got off work. That part was the lie.

I had hung out in the offices until to 10 pm for the next three weeks that went by fast. I now had the rest of the money to move in to my new apartment. I had hired a moving company to move me in instead of trying to do it all by myself. For me it was money well worth it. After I got off work, I cleaned, I unpacked and decorated my place. It took m3 six days to get everything the way I wanted to. Since I had gotten up way earlier than Preston anyways. I had sacrificed some of my beauty sleep and had packed up my things little by little and would put the boxes in my car. Later on after work dropping everything off at the apartment. The great thing about being a personal assistant. I wasn't really tied to the office like an actual 9-5. I could work from home. I mean of course the reason being that I worked in the small office that Mr. Baron had for me in his offices was to get away from Preston. And the fact that I felt like a homeless person going from library, to Starbucks and other places in and out of the city to stay out of the house.

I kept tings of course cool with Preston. Always texting him throughout the day. Him telling me how proud of me he was. Us meeting up for lunch and dinner here and there. Me treating him to lunch and dinner because I had it like that now. I would go to my apartment after work and kick back there sometimes until 11:00 at night. Some nights coming to Preston's house late, hoping he would be sleep. I did this for a week until all of my things were completely out of his home. I didn't realize how many clothes, shoes, purses and other things I had moved into his house.

Preston never really went in the bathroom I had used. That is going in the cabinets to see the beauty products I had. Nor in my room to look in my closets. In fact he had rarely come in my room since I had been working all of these so called late hours. I did make sure that I washed all the bedding I had slept on and put clean bedding on. I know it seems crazy and odd that I was sneaking out this way. But I did because I recalled a conversation we had. It wasn't a very nice one. Though Preston wanted me to get on my feet and get my own place. He was quite accustomed to having me there. He depended a lot on me. But Preston had a lot of inner demons that he had to deal with on his own. From the way he had grown up. The issues he had with his ex-wife whom he had not been with in six years. The childish things he had did to me to irritate me and agitate me. It was like living in a dictatorship of some sort. Preston was my dictator, and I was just one woman in his harem

Preston I later found out had cheated on me. He was not sleeping other women. But he flirted, had conversations with other women. Went out with other women. I caught him a few times and yet he denied the emails, text messages. I won't go into how I found out. But I did. So why was I here? Why did he want to be with me? Why did he take out all of his angst and pain out on me? When I moved in I had helped Preston out a lot in assisting him with various things to get his business running more efficient and prosperous. I gave him ideas and advice on what he should and should not be doing.

I had called Preston and invited him out to dinner. I told him it was a celebratory dinner. For me it indeed was! I was officially out of the house. He wasn't the wiser and didn't know. I knew if I had told him I was moving it may have sparked an argument at the end of the day. Preston thought he owned me. The more I gained my independence, the more I was able to see and break down a lot of things about Preston. He was a sheep in wolves clothing. I could honestly see why his marriage didn't work. Because beneath it all, Preston really didn't have any substance. All he did was complain about everything that had happened in his life. Our conversations were mostly one sided. He had to have complete control of all conversations. He showed no compassion nor empathy. He was very selfish, but in a giving way that gave him the upper hand. If Preston was giving and doing for you, you had to do what he said do. Give him what he wanted you to. A vicious cycle. None of these things I had seen, none of these things had I experienced. Except for the complaining and how he lured me into feeling sorry for him.

Preston was walking towards the table. I smiled my heart beating fast. I didn't know how this would go. But meeting him in a public place assured me the control that I needed and not a yelling match with him raising his voice at me. I stood up and we gave each other a tight hug.

“You look good girl. It seems as if I hardly see you. Working all hard with two jobs.” We sat down.

“I appreciate that very much Preston coming from you.”
“What do you mean?”

“Well you have been very hard on me since I have moved in. You know that. I chuckled. Giving me a hard time about any and everything from the way I work out, what I eat, how I dress, talk, walk, looking for a job, cook, clean. You know.”

“I am only playing with you.” He chuckled.

“Naw, I asked you to stop a lot of times. Yelling at me. But this is not what and why I am here. We have had these conversations too many times before and got nowhere. I reached in my purse and pulled out a money order for $1,500 and slid it on the table over to Preston. This is for you.” Preston picked the money order up and looked at it.

“What is this for?”

“Well I can't pay you for everything that you have done for me. In letting me stay with you. But I figure it would be like a little bonus of sorts now that I have been working and all. You know you always are telling me how you pay all the bills in the house. That you have been holding me down and taking care of me.” Preston had a look of confusion on his face.

“You have helped out. And when you got your job you pulled more weight.”

“Yeah, but you still complained. You know you did. I chuckled. So I don't want you to think that I took advantage of you like the other women you say you have helped and took advantage of you.”

“Did I ever say that you were taking advantage of me?”

“At times, yes you have. You hinted around it quite often. That is why I made sure I paid the gas and water bill. Bought food for the house and household products. I did what I could do on my unemployment. I mean I still had my car note and car insurance that had to be paid along with my cell phone bill and storage fees. Don't forget I had a huge storage to put a two bedroom and mini office in.”

“I don't want this.” I could tell I had made Preston feel silly and he was feeling dumbfounded too. Just what I wanted.

“No you keep it. I have gotten an apartment. I am all moved in. I went into my purse and gave Preston the key to his house along with the extra garage opener. I won't be needing these anymore. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you have done and given me. You were there when I could not depend on anyone else. I didn't want to go back home. There were no opportunities for me there. I didn't have that many people I could stay with until I had gotten on my feet either. So I am ever grateful for that. I would like to remain friends if that is possible. But as far as being your so called girlfriend I no longer want to be that. I want you to have the perfect woman that you crave. The woman that works out and does so many things that you require. Cooking, cleaning, walking and talking. Perfect body and does everything you say and has sex with you whenever you want it.” Preston sat there in total disbelief. He couldn't raise his voice, he couldn't act out like he always did when we were at his house. He couldn't belittle me nor degrade me. He was out of his element.

“You don't have to give me this money.”

“Yes I do! I appreciate it very much! So can we stay friends?” I saw the sadness all over Preston's face.

“Friends.” He said in a low voice.

Preston didn't call nor text me for a week or so. Didn't bother me at all. I could have cared less. It was his superficial pride he was dealing with at the moment. I was no longer goo goo ga ga in love with him. I knew Preston loved me, he said he was deeply in love with me. I can't fight his feelings and say he wasn't. But he loved me the only way he felt he could or thought he could. Sleepless nights of worry and angst I had while he slept well. Love hadn't lived here anymore in a long time ago. And he would say it often, “You don't love me anymore.” All because I wouldn't want to have sex with him. Well he was right, but it was because of how he treated me and talked to me. Sex wasn't all of that great to begin with. Then when you add the negative you are totally turned off. It is amazing how when you are in love with someone you take the good and the bad. You find ways to make improvements with that person. Try to open them up and experience new things. With Preston that was very hard. While I was open minded to talk and go the very few places he enjoyed. He rarely wanted to go if ever to anything I enjoyed doing. Was never interested in anything I did other than catering to him. I thought having a lot of sex with him would make him better. There were times it was passionate and wonderful. That happened very far and few times in between. This is when I had Preston in a vulnerable stage. A stage he didn't like at all. Preston didn't like being sensitive or weak for a woman. Which he said he was for me. If he was.... baby I couldn't tell!

It was a month before Preston could actually talk to me. I was enjoying my life. Going out with my co-workers. Going out on dates, just social dates. Not dates that I felt I had to sneak around and do nor have because I was living with Preston. I was more relaxed now. I slept better, felt good about me. Yes I thought of Preston, and as crazy as it sounds even missed him at times. But quickly I remembered what we had. I had more bad and negative times with him than good times with him. I willed myself into getting a job, willed myself in getting an apartment. Willed myself and no matter how down I got and lost in the madness I saw myself outside myself living and doing better than what I was with Preston and the hell I was going through.

I had sent Preston a text. Inviting him over to have dinner and see my new place. I was surprised when he took the invite. I told him in advance this was no sex invite but a dinner invite. I still needed to be clear even though a month ago I told him officially I had broken up with him and we were friends.

Preston had come over and I made his favorite meal. I no longer ate meat. I was now a vegetarian only eating certain fish. I had toned and lost a little bit more weight. I was proud of myself. Really proud!

“You looking great girl!” We hugged tightly. Preston looked good and smelled good as always.

“So do you! Come on in. I made us some appetizers and wine is in the kitchen.”

“This is nice Skylar! Very nice!”

“Thank you! Take a look around.” He did, and I went in my kitchen and got some wine goblets out and poured us some wine. The music I liked was playing. Because Preston didn't like the music I liked. Or he complained about it all the time. Preston had come into the kitchen.

“This is very nice. Skylar I am proud of you.”

“I appreciate that very much coming from you Preston.”

“Well you shouldn't be.”

“So how is everything going with you? How's the business going?” Preston looked away. Something bad must have happened. I truly didn't want to hear it. I cared but I didn't care at the same time. Go figure.

“It has had some challenges.”

“Well that will always be when you own and operate your own business.”

“Yep, you're right.” I could tell there was something more. Not really wanting to open up Pandora's box. Buuuuut....

“Apparently there is something more that is bothering you and you are not saying.”

“I am in major debt and losing everything including my house.” I sat there quiet. I really didn't know what to say. All I could do was stare into a blank space. It was as if time had stood still. And yet, the first thing that came to my mind can't stay here.

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions



Make a free website with Yola