And there are holds set backs and disappointments. But where is your first love at? Hiding behind superficial non-caring are what is before you? 


I lay here, suspended in a euphoric time and place.  My skin is exuberated, my mind lifted in a purple haze. My soul and spirit have become one with me and has released an orgasmic energy so wonderful and powerful. I let it take over; I make and let my body groove and vibe to the exciting terrific feeling that evolves. I am addicted and led by emotions. I am now cornered in.

When all is said and done, I laid there wet from perspiration, heart beating, tingling all over. In the darkness. Trying to slow my heart rate down; my excitement high has to come down, a high like no other this is. Flesh is a mother. 

I go through this every time I pick up a pen; I write notes on music paper.  When I hum, when I touch the main woman in my life, the piano; She is my woman, my lady, my benefactor, my lover, my savior, and there have been so many times that her and I have come so close together.  We have made sad hurting torch music. And we have written some jazzy soulish deep cries of passion. 

And then there are the real women in my life that love and hate me at the same time.  Love to hate me, and they hate to love me.  But with some of them, when I make love to their ears and shoot them orgasmic isms of those black and white keys I love so much.  And then the melodic cries and moans that come from my throat.  I love singing, I have a beautiful voice.  And crooning is fine, but my first and true lover is that piano and the different notes I discover in bending, in playing, teasing, touching and caressing. I would rather hear her cries and moans in my ears than my voice.

I am addicted to “her” and I call her something basic and simple.”Melody” is my first lover’s name. The up and downside that I have in my life is that I treat the women that I am physically, mentally and emotionally attracted to the same way.  This works well for me, and the women love it.  I can only be attracted to a passionate high energy and emotionally charged woman.  Because she will have to know to bring it to me in so many ways.  She will know how to keep me in suspense, tease me, and seduce me.  Be intimate with me, make love to me, and then there is giving of herself truly to me. There can be no other way.  This is a crime, a crime that I have done time for so many times, for Melody has gotten in the way.  The groupies follow, that pen, those notes, that music, the playing, the addiction is over powering.  And when Melody calls me, I go to her without hesitations.  The same way I go and make love to that special lady in my life.  If there is no passion, if there is no calling of my soul and flesh like Melody does.  I get very bored.  However the women that I have grown so insecure and jealous of Melody.  And then there is the music, the writing and the groupies and late nights. And my third weakness, well that is an obvious one.  The groupies come and satisfy my lust and they have that passion that I have when playing on stage. I pull that shyt of them! It is a beautiful thing, and just like Melody, they give in and give me what I want and how I want it.  They are enslaved and release me some more energy that I suck up like a vampire.  Sex and music give me energy and make me so damn high it is very hard to come down.  And I scare myself at the over indulgence and efforts t put into it.  This is why I prefer to have a woman that can handle a passionate hot man like me.


My celebrity and talent have taken me all over the world.  And I have seen and learned so much.  It makes for the man I am today. I recall hating the piano; it was my father who was a musician.  However he did not take it to the echelon that I took it to.  He was happy just going and sitting in on stage, playing at home, and maybe a jam session. He has his reasons.  Mine were different. It was my mother who had come to me and told me. “You look at this as if it were some slaved hardship.  All that music you listen too in your room.  Those producers, writers, rappers, singers practice and put time into what they do.  And for some it takes years to get on a stage. But no matter what, they enjoy what they do. And they are taken to another place when they work on their art. It’s a high, a medicating high. Relax, enjoy the high that has you sweating and orbiting.” My mother the poet and designer.  And she was right; it took me two weeks to get in a zone.  And after that I have been on cloud nine plus a hundred. 

Music, passion, women, Melody are my issues the deadly curse that causes those extras in my life at times. But please understand that music has never done anything foul to me.  It is just those that have been in my circle that have hated and loved that Jezebel called music and of course my Melody. 


We were lying on the wood deck landing in my bedroom.  I never put heavy curtains to these wide and long windows in my bedroom.  I just learned to sleep with a mask over my eyes. I love the way the moonlight, sunlight, sunsets from those windows.  The energy you get from nature is truly wonderful.



She was lying on a wide shaggy fury rug over the hardwood.  The moonlight was cast upon her dark skin.  I actually traced the curves of her body with my eyes and fingers.  I was amazed at how much passion, mental, and emotional this one would bring to my bed. The music she made, the notes that were given and extracted so well.  She wrote a perfect melody, spoke one, and showed one. This one had mad skills in everything she did. From how to touch me all over and use her mouth and tongue all over my body. An element of pure electricity she was, and she actually drained me.  I know that this goddess knows she worked me over.  She is a professional woman, in love, passion, talking and singing that beautiful opera of hers.  Romancing me with words in Portuguese; knowing when to be forcefully aggressive and then act like a kitten.  I have met my match!  I had to continue to stop riding the waves of electric release.  She kept me throbbing and tingling when I first entered her auditorium.  She was like making love to a concert!! I was so caught up in her music that I had to tear myself away from her. I couldn’t let her see how my body was trembling and shaking. My ego had been put in place; she had done that and placed a spell on me.  And there was no reason I could think of to stop this feeling.  I was hooked, and I was going to be a man about it.

Her skin was soft and silky like Melodies keys.  She, her name Mariposa! And she was art! There is always one woman, maybe two that catches you off guard and gives you more than you can masticate. And there it is there! In my mind as I stare at her nude form. I am now trying to figure out a way not to let her know that I am fully hooked and whipped.  That my nose is wide open, and how will I not want to see her again? What man would not want that?  What man does not want to have a woman such as her?

Her body was moving slowly up and down. And my heart and pulse were jumping all over the place! My mind was running a million miles per minute. It felt as if at any time my heart would burst through me chest. Now I am thinking, “How many men has she left with hurt emotions and broke hearts.” The negative thoughts were rolling in quickly.  And the night was not even near to ending and I wanted to see her tomorrow. I had to see her and all the beauty.

She turned, stretched and she was moaning in her sleep. I then made a about face turn and went downstairs.  Made a left to the hallway and entered the second door.  There she was, my first and real true love Melody. I sat down in front of my lovers legs. And I reached out to touch her. I was inspired by the mythical woman on my loft deck in my bedroom. I took a deep breath, exhaled.

My emotions took over, and I made love to Melody. All the lust and mental high I was on was beautiful and euphoric.  It showed it was normal for me to come and sit at her and make love to her at any time of the day or night. This is why I loved my lover. She was totally into me at all times. She gave me what I wanted, when I wanted, how I wanted. And that was more than what I could ever ask for.

I played so hard, I was sweating! And every time I played, I always recorded myself. I would listen to my piano solo and then go play the drums, add other things like horns, trumpets, violins. My band when I worked with them was a real tight and hot band.  I would have it no other way.  But when the lust of my flesh calls for that piano, I go mad! And then I get into my studio and start playing the other instruments. Or adding them from my console that has so many beats it is ridiculous!  I use to call the members of the band all times of the night until they all had cursed me out. Funny, I have those feelings a lot! So I just do it myself and let each artist come and fine tune it to their way.  And it all blends in with my melodious fantasy.

There was so much that I had to say to Melody, there was so much passion and she was enjoying it as much as I was enjoying it.  So now drenched with sweat, in the nude, three hours had come and gone. That’s how it is when we make love.  As I take in some more air into my lungs, I turn around and there she is, Mariposa.  Smiling and looking as if she had tasted some sun and it was glowing from the inside of her. Her dark skin was golden.  And her light and energy were as warm and hot as the sun.  Fulfilling.  She had a towel with her, she was actually going to take a shower or bath I had presumed. But instead she came over to me and started wiping the sweat off of my body.  And I let her, and her gentle touches were freeing my spirit and comforting me all at the same time.  She looked deep into my eyes, kissed my nose. Cradled my head in her hands, and then asked me, “May I?”  And she looked over at Melody.  No one and I mean no one has sat between Melody’s legs.  But I got up, and she sat down.  She took a deep breath and begins to play something so beautiful I was now caught up in the rhythmic rapture.  And was hearing so many other instruments with her solo; I had no idea that she played the piano like she did. It was spicy!  Like salsa, R&B, Jazzy, and smooth. And I liked that a lot. When she got up, she took the towel from me and went into the bathroom.  I followed her.

“You play?”  She looked at me and giggled.

“Yes I do. Seven years of lessons.”

“From what age?”

“So you are just multifaceted then huh?”
“You could say that. I heard you from the time you sat down and started playing.  It was beautiful. It is great to know that after we had all this passion, you were inspired to come and make more passion with your other lover. Or should I say your first love.” Damn! She is just calling me out!  But I already knew that she knew.  That she knew more than I gave her credit for. But the way she said it didn’t degrade me or make me feel as if I was some sick puppy over her.

“So you were feeling me?”

“Why of course I was. Jordan. I have been around so many musicians, singers, writers, producers, actors, painters, poets.  The whole gamete and I know that whatever is your passion is your first love. We hooked up on a mysterious fluke. Running basically in the same circles, I have seen you perform many of times. But your passion was different. And I knew that we would hit it off in so many other ways. And that a person such as yourself would understand me very well.”

“So this means that we can spend more time together?  I can see you again.”  She smiled. She was adding salts, bubble bath and some tea leaves to her bath water.  I loved taking baths so I had more than enough products to put in a bath.  I wondered right then did I impress her.


“So you are going to tease me?”

“You like being teased by me.” I blushed and smiled.

“In that way yes I do. Well I know that I do now. No woman has ever given it to me the way you have.”

“And maybe it would be good and a bad thing all at the same time Jordan. I mean, you are deep in love with your piano. Her name is?” I smiled, damn this woman knew that she was referred to as “her” and knew “she” had a name.

“Melody.” She shook her head yes.

“Cute. Catchy, I like it.”

“And your love is?”

“Many things. I am passionate about so much.  And I enjoy doing and being me in so many areas. I am a free spirit Jordan and what that means is I have no ties. And that is the one thing that being with a man causes a problem.”

“Could you please explain that to me? I mean I do understand being a free spirit…..” She took my robe off and slipped into tub that smelled of citrus, vanilla and lavender.  She closed her eyes as she immersed herself.

“Come on Jordan. Are you really able to keep a woman that truly understands that you must write and play music?  I mean really, you are a free spirit are you not? Go and come when you want to. Do what you want with who you want?”

“Yes. I will admit.”

“Well so is the same with me. A man not being able to keep tabs on me. Not enjoying the way I charm and speak to other men.  How I will leave and come without any hesitations. That I don’t check in and out.  That I move when I want to. I figured that maybe, just maybe you could handle me. And understand me.  And after watching you for so long, I took that chance to pursue you.” This was all news to me!  I had no idea I was being watched. And the funny thing about it was, I never seen her but only at three of  my performances.  And her presence really stands out. So how did I miss the other times she was checking me out? And did she just tell me that she didn’t want a man that would not …..wait a minute…I’m getting confused. But she is being very frank, too frank. Very soon.

“I have only seen you three times; I mean you are a woman that is highly noticeable.”

“Yes. Maybe. Maybe not. But I have seen you quite a bit Jordan. And the way that you shine and get this ultimate high when you play that piano and when you sing for and audience.   It’s definitely an experience love.  An experience to remember. So I took a chance, hoping that you and I would connect on a different level, somewhere on this high plane of sorts. And when we talked, hung out a couple of times.  I knew I could share some of my secrets with you.” I was taken back.

“So again what are you saying to me?” she giggled.

“Well bottom line is that I can be me and you can be you. And you or I do not have to be up under each other all the time and no one will get angry or hurt if no phone calls are made to one another everyday or every other day. There will be no questions or misunderstandings. Because you have your life and loves and so do I.”  And after getting baited, teased, hooked, I was now disappointed. I was already hurt, I was already sad. She had made it clear that she would see me when she wanted to see me.  And though she was right about my love Melody, and being me and no woman had understood that passion and love that I was overwhelmed with. Mariposa did, she understood all too well. But what she didn’t know is that she had me wrapped around her baby toe!  Forget the finger.  She could walk all over me and I would be okay with it. She had no idea that she was the symphony that brought the flavor to the orchestra!

“Why are you looking like that?”

“Like what?”

“Your facial expression, I mean you look as if you lost your best friend or something.”

“I was just thinking about what you said is all.”

“Did I say anything bad?”
“No not at all.”
“So why the long face?” I wanted and didn’t want to tell her. And to me this was not a good time to be all vulnerable. If I did, then I would be making myself look injudicious. And I may not see her again.  So that meant that I had to go along with everything she spoke upon or lose her. My only worry was if I asked, if I called and wanted to see her, what would she say or do?

“Well I was wondering. I mean how did you want to do this.  Should I not call you and say hello? I mean is it okay to call and ask could we hang out? Relive the passion that you and I create so well..I will say that I am not sure where I fit in.” I chuckled to take the edge off.   She smiled. It was that all knowing smile.

“Sure you can call me and yes we can make passion again. I was only saying that if I was busy or if I could not make it or see or even speak to you. You would understand very well.  And it would be no big deal.  We are two adults that are not the running up behind you type is what I like to call it.” And I still wanted her even more. I was looped in hysteria.  Bad thing because she was not telling me what I wanted to hear.  I wanted to hear that she wanted to see me as much as she could, that she had the time of her life when we “made love” that we were made for each other.  That I was not the only one feeling the way I was. That is what I wanted to hear.

“Well, it seems to me that you are not looking for any type of relationship. And I can dig that for real. I once felt the same way you do. And to a certain extent I still feel the same way. I mean I must agree that I do agree with no one really understanding, well women. My passion for this thing called music.  And the high that I get when I hear it, play it and produce it.  To hear the audience and feel their energy is a feeling for me that is different for me each and every time. But it is not a common thing that I meet up with a woman such as yourself that I am feeling.”

“No groupies, no fans?”  She chuckled and gave me that “Yeah right look” I chuckled back.

“That is physical, and sometimes sexual.  But not to the point of what I have had and what I feel with you. A vibe so unique and strong. I mean now that you have set the perimeters of what you want and need in your life.  I will respect that.”
“Good.”  And I was shocked again!  Did she not hear what I just said? Now I was already hurt. She was going to do me in. And Melody, well Melody was and will be what she has always been in my life…

I had to get over it quickly.  I had to act in a way that I did not want to.  I had to be someone I did not really want to be. I had to give face; I had to pretend that what I was feeling for Mariposa was just lust. Because that is how she was making it seem from her end. 

So we talked, and while she was relaxing in the tub I brought her fresh squeezed pineapple and orange juice mixed.  See the one thing a lot of people didn’t know was that I enjoyed cooking and learning how to prepare new things. When I was home I always watched the Food Network, and I had tons of recipe books of how to make exotic foods.  Plus I experimented a lot. I was going to get through to Mariposa in way or the other.  I was going to pull out all my skills. The music was the easy part. What I had played for that three hours in my studio.  I was going to give it to her and call it “Feelings of Mariposa” and I was going to lavish her with so much attention she would crave me in heart, mind, soul and body! 

I went into my culinary kitchen and made us brunch fit for a king! I ordered some wild flowers online and wanted them delivered within the next two hours. I knew that she was not leaving that soon. Bath, food, mimosas, she was going to kick back for awhile. And I was not rushing her. I wanted to soak her epervesance in.

She was more than impressed with the meal I had made.  All the oohs and ahhs and mmms I had gotten made me feel like I should have been a chef. However that was not my calling at all.  I was happy with cooking to relax me from everything.  I had just gotten off of a European tour and I was going to enjoy my mini vacation and work on my next CD slowly.  And invite the band over for jam sessions, that way it doesn’t feel so much like work. Even though all of my band members felt the way I did. Loving music, but everyone needs to rest and regroup. 

Mariposa was impressed by the food, and when the doorbell rang and I asked her to answer my door. She had received the flowers.  She was surprised and overwhelmed by the thought of what I had done for her.  She had a complaint of a pulled muscle in her shoulders from moving furniture into her new loft.  I was going to have my masseuse come over and give me a full body massage.  I offered her one from my masseuse as well and she was tickled pink.

After our massage we were drinking our water, I told her well it was time for me to go run some errands.  That was her cue to get dressed and leave; I was going to turn the tables just as she had done with me.  Treat her righteous and call her and see her when I want to.  Hey, my feelings were at stake now.  And I took her lead. 



I was whopped and beat up from my tour. Non-stop it always seems when I am touring, I do like it. But it wears you out something fierce. So I had a full day of sleep with phones off so that I would not be interrupted.  Once I had sleep I went back to my lover and made beautiful music, I went in and started mixing and engineering. 

I felt that I wanted to have company, so I invited some of the fellows over and a couple of my groupies that I have wonderful sex with.  I needed to release some more energy and I needed to get Mariposa off my brain. 

So I took my time and cooked up some nice appetizers and had the liquor store deliver some alcohol.  As I was cooking I was cleaning.  I was like a mad man doing my thing in my place. I was excited of the festivities. And besides the fact that I had not heard or called Mariposa in the last five days.  What she was doing and who she was doing had become an issue for me.  She was on my brain like crack for a crack head.  And I had to rid my mind of her.  And even though I had been in my studio and had a jam session, I was consumed by her ability to still make me feel as if I am addicted.  And I hated that and loved it all at the same time.

“Hey man we are on the way. I picked up Spike, Mario and Phil.  Kurt and Matt are rolling in the same car. Did you need us to make a stop and pick up anything?”

“Naw, all is well and I have it all together.  Even have two honies coming through.”

“Two?! What’s up with that?  How are we all going to have fun with just two chicks?”

“Well do you and have some come on through. The more the merrier.  You know how we get down.”

“Yeah, I do. This is why I am surprised that you only invited two.  Look Jordan, out of all the cats in this world I believe I know you the best.  And we are the closest, which may cause some dissension with the rest of the band members. But you know me; I keep it cool and always authentic with you and the rest of the boys. It is who I am and what I do. I know you got a taste of that island.”

“Island?” I was so confused. He laughed.

“Mariposa.  I know you had that.  I could tell by the way that you and her interacted with one another. Do you know who her mother is?”

“Noooo, who is her mother?”

“The infamous Katrina Miliano.”
“The famous dancer and singer?”

“Yeap that is the one.  And her father owns Showtime Recordings.”

“Shut up man I didn’t know that!”
“Man so many men want that woman. And I do not know how many she has had. But Mariposa can go, live, eat, fuk, buy whatever she wants. And she sings and plays the piano as well. She is vice president of her dads company.  She also works in the promotion department.  The woman is smart and has it going on. She has recorded some music that went triple platinum over in Europe, Australia, Belize, and Jamaica.”

“Why do I not know this?”
“Well for one she has never put her face on any of her albums. And two she does not really sell any of her music here in the states. Three she doesn’t do tours.  Well not that many.  She tours sings and cuts albums when she feels like it.  And she is very well received.”

“How do you know this stuff?”

“Man Gary took me to a concert she was having in Key West.  And from that point on he was telling me who she was.  Gary had his heart broken by Mariposa. He wanted her so bad; he followed her around for almost a year to all of her performances.  Man, I don’t know what the woman has.  But she is poison Jordan. And you need to leave that alone before you get caught up.”

“I’m already caught up Syncere.  We hung out a few times ,talked on the phone. Some nice lunch and dinner dates.  No sex, and then five days ago she let me have some and she turned me out.”

“Well let it be that and move on.  She has a lot on her plate, she stays busy. And there is no telling how many men she is screwing and got dangling.”

“It seems you are..”

“Don’t try it…do not even go there.  You know we have had some of the baddest women and shared some of the baddest women. I have had my heart broken in pieces so many times.  And you have been there for me. You have warned me about a lotta women Jordan, and here it was I had never listened. I thought you were hating on me. But you were right. And it, well I took myself through some rough times because of it.”

“Well is she some sort of industry hoar or something?”
“I can’t say she is one way or the other. I do know about my boy.  And I know for a fact about the dude she crushed that she was married too. Hurt him real bad.  Then again Jordan, maybe you are the right one for her.  I don’t know.  Because I do know you, you will do what you want to. And knowing her and you already told me, she got your nose open.  Just be careful.  Well look the boys are in the jeep.  And they yelling.  I will get some more chicks over there.  See you in a bit.”

I hung up the phone feeling like a gumpty gump.  I knew that Syncere was right; we have been boys for years.  And we never crossed each other with a woman.  If we were attracted to a woman at the same time we let her go and move to the next one.  No woman would come between us.  We made that pack when I formed the band.  Friendships are better than getting laid, we can always get laid. We always got laid. No big deal.  But there was one thing that was right in that conversation. I was going to do what I wanted to do. And there was another thing correct about what he said.  She was more than I could handle.  And the last thing, one more thing.  My nose was wide open, so now I was going to do some investigative reporting.  Ask my agent Alex (a gorgeous Brazilian) to do it for me.  She was good at stuff like this.

So here I was going through and make sure I have some other woman and my boys take my mind off of being alone.  And Spike knew he knew me all too well. 

I had everything laid out; my personal assistant Melinda came by to help me.  She loved when I gave gatherings.  She loved helping, but she also knew when to leave.  And the boys in the band loved and wanted her.  But I wrote in her contract that she could not have sex with anybody that was in my camp. And the thing that made all my boys trip off of me was the fact I had gorgeous women working for me and I didn’t sleep with them.  I flirted, but I never touched.  And yes it was hard at times, but it was what they did for me that I appreciated more. They all worked hard for me.

Everyone piled in back to back. The girls were the last to get there. And mine came and then the ones Syncere and the rest of the band called. I knew what was going to happen, these women were hot, beautiful and they wanted to have major fun. So we all networked mixed, talked, and handed out cards. Made everyone feel real comfortable. The food, the drinks, the conversation, and the scenery were all intoxicating.  My assistant Melinda had brought me five bags of candles from Pier 1 Imports. They were all huge candles that smelled of vanilla, coffee, hazelnut, mango, pineapple it was serious.  She had them all on the deck outside, around the pool, in the kitchen and in the bathrooms.  And she had teacate candles that were scented at various places of the loft, my bedroom and my deck in my bedroom.  I loved her playlist and how she set up everything real nice. Bought over some dishes, glasses, cloth napkins, plates the whole nine! And it was all purple stemware and dishes as well as the napkins. And nothing but purple candles were in the kitchen! I love my assistant! She is artsy and gives me what I like, color, vibrant moods and relaxed. And this is the reason why I give her a bonus every mouth and extra perks like free spa days. Gift cards to designer stores.  I have bought her new luggage from Coach so she could be stylish traveling with me.  She goes over and way beyond for me.  And a lot of things she does for me comes out of her pocket.  And I know tonight had to set her back about $400.  But she makes good money like that!

It was time for Melinda to leave, and she always knew when to leave.  She always had a ball and talked about everything with the boys.  Movies, sports, food, politics, love, hate, sex.  And this is what she was, a vixen, a siren; she lured them and left them hanging.  She knew and they knew they could never have her if she worked for me.  And Melinda is not going anywhere!  She has been with me for eight years.

A couple of the women had gotten naked and hopped in the pool. It was a mild night, and my pool was heated. So it was very nice and comfortable. I stood back talking to one of the guys Kurt that played trumpet, tenor and soprano sax.  He has been with me for years too. The man is bad! He has his own albums, and he is my opening act. One thing I will say about my boys, we have been boys for years no fronting on anything.  And they have a deep embedded horniness for music.  They spend as much time as I do sharpening their craft.  We stay true to our craft.  And my drummer, bass and electric guitar player sing. We sound great together; these men have been playing as long as I have. I mean we have our egos for sure.  And yes we have bumped heads many of times. But is always the music that keeps string and together.  And this is how I know we love our music and each other.  We work hard in not letting that come in between making our music and our money.  All those other extras we don’t need.  And they understand my love Melody, how she stirs and turns the beast and the soft sensitive side of me that gets so damn emotional. Let me leave her alone, she gets me…

Kurt was sipping on Ciroc and ice mixed up with some lemonade and lime juice.  I was having the same!  It was absolutely delicious!

 Kurt was deep off into women’s teeth, smile and lips.  He was also a leg man; thick, shapely, long, muscular.   And I was more of a smooth even dark, bronze, reddish bronze, tanned island looking women.  And I am a hair and breast man.  Those being my favorite.  And Kurt made sure that he brought all of that to the party for all of us.  There was something there we all could get into. I made sure that the guys didn’t smoke around Melinda, cigars, cigarettes, refer, herb. Whatever you want to call it, they were not allowed to do it around her. So now they were coming out with it all. 

“So what’s up with chu man?”

“You know me.” I said.

“Yeap and I know when something is bothering you. And so go head and spill it.”

“Damn, first Syncere and now you. What is it?  Get into Jordan’s head and make him spill the beans?  I took two sips from my drink to prolong answering Kurt.  While he sat there looking at me shaking his head and smiling.  He moved the ice cubes around in his glass, looked in it and took a big sip.  He was about ready for a refill.  And Matt had just walked by and passed him a jada after he had hit it real hard and started coughing.  I’m good man, I’m serious.” Kurt hit the jada real hard and started coughing, tears coming down from his face, he was turning red and I was patting his back.  I had started laughing.

“That damn Matt be having that real good don’t he?” I laughed.

“Yeah, he always manages to get top of the line. You alright?”

“Yeah.  You wanna hit this?”I shook my head no.

“I’m okay with drinking I don’t need any of that right now.  Maybe later.”

“So go head and spill it. Just then Mario and Matt had stripped all clothes off and had jumped in my pool, and Syncere was now in the Jacuzzi with the two ladies that were sitting in there. Man we have a lot of history together and you know when one of us is going through something we all feel it.  Man we boys.”

“It’s some chick. Syncere gave me some info on her and she got my nose wide open.”

“You?  Your nose wide open?  Wow!  That’s real deep and that’s not you at all dude.”

“Tell me about it man.” I said.

“So what are you going to do?”

“What can I do?  She is just as busy as I am and have so much going on.”

“Maybe she just wanted to get laid Jordie.  Women do some of the same things we do.  Look at us, look at what we have done and what we are doing right now. There is women surrounding us, we drinking, eating, smoking and we all are going to have sex later.  Did you feel that something was going to evolve from you sleeping with her?”

“Man it wasn’t just that.  We hung out went on a few dates together.  I mean I will not lie and say that I didn’t want to have sex with her when I first saw her.  I have seen her a few times before I stepped to her.  Men would be all over her.  And she wasn’t interested.  She studied me and I did the same.  Her energy and vibe are just something different.  Nothing that I have experienced before. I took a couple of sips from my drink.  It was now time for us to walk in and get a refill.  So I walked inside and Kurt followed suit. We walked to the bar and Kurt hooked the drinks up.  One of the many ladies that were there had come up and kissed Kurt on the neck.  I know later they will be at it. They have been staring at each other all evening and flirting.  I chuckled and shook my head. This wasn’t no groupie thing, no hanger s on type shyt you feel me? So I just can’t imagine her and I doing all of this.  Why Mariposa put so much time and interest in me.”  Kurt passed me my drink, and then we both walked into the dining room.  I grabbed a few strawberries and pineapple and placed them on a plate.  Kurt grabbed some fruit and a roll.  We then walked out back to the deck and patio and got into our own world, the women were going nowhere and we weren’t either.

“Man have you ever read that book Men Are from Mars and Women Are from Venus?”  I shook my head yes. I laughed as I swallowed. 

“And it is a great read and helps you see things differently with a whooole different perspective.”

“It does.  And I have to stop so many times in trying to figure women out. And just join them and not be against them. Now do not get me wrong, I am not saying I am going to be a punk and be like yes dear.  Nothing like that. If I am not offended, disrespected, mistreated, hurt, or anything like that.  I will let her know.  And of course let her learn me, but I have decided to just let a woman go ahead and do her.  Ask questions later.  And we as men know dude what we are getting into, we do!  We know what we want and don’t want in a woman.  And so it is up to us as man and woman to decide what it is exactly we can put up with and what we can’t” Kurt had said a mouthful , and the thing about it was that I fully agreed with his logic!  It made it simple and plain. 

“I couldn’t have said it any better. And that is real truths.  I think I feel a song coming on real soon.  Kurt shook his head yes. Put his glass in the air.

“I will drink to that!” He said and we clinked glasses.


Kurt and I sat there and had one more drink.  We laughed talked about some of the shenanigans the guys pulled on the tour we just got off from doing. I will admit that I was feeling real good, nice, relaxed, kick back and feeling the sexiness all in the area. I walked around and chatted with a few of the ladies…..


When I woke up I was in my room, my bed, and I had no clothes on. The sliding door to my balcony was open.  The sun was peering in, and there was a beautiful cool and sweet smelling breeze floating in my room.  I have no idea of what happened last night.  And that is the absolute truth I tell you.  I know that I had a couple of more drinks which is way past my limit.  I can normally drink three and maybe a half.  But I do recall that I was talking, and drinking.  And the honest truth the last thing I remember was laughing at the guys telling jokes.

I looked at the clock and it was 1:30 p.m.! Damn! I was knocked out! I slowly got out of bed and went into my bathroom and turned on the water to my walk in shower. This was a shower that needed my four shower heads cascading and spraying water. I refused to look in the mirror; I hoped in the shower and stood there for a looong time and then brushed my teeth and gargled.  I exfoliated my skin and washed my hair. 

I got out of the shower still refusing to look in the mirror I got the visine drops and placed three drops in each eye. I then wrapped a towel around my waist and went downstairs, and just like I had already knew, there was a cleanup crew downstairs. Melinda always did this for me anytime I hosted a party of any nature.  Melinda has a key to my house, so she would come to the house and make sure the coast was clear.  Normally it was cleared out by eleven.  So like clock rock they were here at 1:00.  The place looked good, there were four people cleaning.  I was grateful for all of the extras my personal assistant did for me.  She always planned and thought things through. 

There was coffee still on the burner for me.  But I knew it was just made fresh.  I went straight to my coffee carafe and made myself a nice strong cup of joe with some extras in it to take the bite off of it.  I also needed a shot of expresso, so I threw that in there.  Walked around and spoke to everyone and went out on the patio and sat and had my coffee.  The next thing was the young lady that was cleaning up the dining room came to the edge of the sliding door and said that there were some muffins and juice in the kitchen left by Melinda.  She asked me if I wanted them and I said yes, and she brought them out to me.  I had reached for my shades and put them on.  I always kept a pair of shades under my lounge chair.  That way no one walks off with them.  I sipped my coffee and looked at those beautiful muffins in that basket and that orange juice the strawberries in it.  And I smiled. 


After I ate, drank and the housecleaners had left.  I chilled out for a minute and begun to write that song, the song that needed to be wrote by me, writing is a passion at times for me because the reason I sing is because some things have to be said. But above my singing is playing; I can sit there all day at Melody and touch and tease her and not sing a word or hum.  I like to listen to her moans, bends, turns and pitches.  I love her notes!

I let the passion of my thoughts come out in poetry first, and then after I write my heart out, I take lines and depth from the poem and I have my lyrics for my song.  I never time myself or push myself at any of this; I take my time and let my creativity take over.  And there is no time, just me pad, pen and paper. 

I then later went into the studio and listened to some jam sessions me and the boys had.  And there were a lot to listen to.  All of our jam sessions were given titles and categories and catalogued.  So whatever I heard that didn’t click or vibe with what I was feeling and hearing in my head.  I fast forward to the next song.  Mind you, I am still wrapped up in my towel. 

I hear three songs I really feel and I am trying so hard to choose one.  And for me this is very critical with the making of the song.  Of course the boys and I may tweak a few things here and there as we hear it and get into that same mode we were in when we played it.  We were all very good in doing that.

I made my decision and started playing the piano, drums, playing on the keyboard. 




I was doing some shopping in Traders Joe’s, and just when I had got to the point that I would not hear or see Mariposa again. Here it is that she walks up behind me and puts her hands over my eyes. I knew it was her. She wears a very distinctive fragrance that I have never smelled before.  Here it is this lady I felt was playing games.  And I was far from in the mood, but I what I did want to do was be cordial and not so inviting. So I removed her hands from face

“Hi.” She looked funny as I said hi.

“Hi, you look great.  How have you been?” I started pushing my basket down the aisle.  And I picked up a couple of more things up and placed them in my basket. Mariposa was walking behind me.

“Thank you.”

“Are you okay?”  I smiled and cocked my head to the side. And I gave her a strange look.

“I’m good. Then I walked to the cashier. I was finished shopping.  I had more than what I needed.

“Well, I guess I should let you go.”  She said with sadness in her voice.

“Okay.  You take care.”  I had enough time to get Mariposa out of my system. It was one of those fluke things, we had a brief, very brief encounter and no phone calls were made after it.  Because Mariposa stated that she really did not want to be bothered at all.  So I gave her space.  It had been now a month since our romp together.

I was next in line, and when my things were bagged up I paid and walked out to my car and started to unload my bags in the trunk. I had two more stops to make and I was back at home.

When I had finished loading my trunk up and was getting in the car, Mariposa had called my name.

“Jordan!  Hold on…… it possible that we can talk?”

“Come on…don’t be that way. I know you’re mad at me.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say mad. That would be putting a bit much to it. Dogs go mad. I laughed and so did she. But maybe some other time, I need to get these groceries back to the house.  It’s a hot day and I have perishables in the trunk so I really need to get home. But if you like I can call you…” She looked at me as if I had told her that one of her parents had died literally.  See I had got it; I had paid attention to what Kurt had said with his analogy.  And after a month has gone bye and no phone call from her.  And she was the one telling me that she would call. It was now left in my hands to ask her could I call.  If she was okay with that.  The heat was booming, and I was beginning to start sweating.  All I could think of at this point was to get inside my car and turn on the AC.  That was all I could think of. 

“I ummm…I guess that would be okay.  Do you have plans when you get to your house?  Well I have studio session jumping off later why?”

“Do you think that I could follow you to your house and talk to you?”


When we arrived to my house Mariposa got out of her car and helped me with taking the groceries in my house.  I was so glad I kept the AC going inside of the house because it was beginning to heat up. I swear we were having an Indian summer. It was so sticky and humid out. 

Mariposa also helped in taking the groceries out of the bags.  And still there was silence.   Guessed she needed my full attention, or she was getting up the courage to talk.  I had no clue.  But I knew she didn’t have much time to start this convo.  Because I had plans.

“So talk to me lady.  What’s up?” Mariposa sat down on one of the stools I had around my island in the kitchen.

“I have been doing a lot of thinking.”


“And Jordan I have been watching and admiring you for so long.  When I had finally gotten up the courage to say something to you I was so relieved when you spoke to me and we hit it off. I thought that you would turn me down.”

“Really?” She shook her head yes.

“I am an aggressive woman of sorts.  But most times I do not pursue men and when I do or have done it. I always have this fear that I am coming on too strong.”

“You are use to men coming on to you.”

“I guess you could say that. But with you I had butterflies in my stomach. All the time, when I heard you play, sing, looked at you.  Overwhelming.  So when we went on those dates and hung out. I was so happy that you wanted to get to know me and not just screw me.”

“Trust me I thought of it.”

“Well it didn’t show in your demeanor like that.”

“Did you want me to look desperate?” I chuckled.

“No.  She chuckled and shook her head.  She was blushing.  Jordan when we made love.  Yeah I said it. I felt a whole different connection with you that I had never felt before with any man.  It was like our souls had reached out and kissed each other and satisfied this longing I had. I know it sounds silly and crazy. She let out a fake laugh. But when I felt that I got so damn scared that I didn’t have the courage to call you or even see you again.  And all those nice things you had done for me that day was overwhelming. I said all that stuff about me calling you because I was frightened.  Let me call you, I regretted that the moment it came out of my mouth.  Yes I am a busy woman with a lot on my plate.  But I would have made time for you no matter how tired I was.  I was only trying to fool myself.  I called Melinda and asked her what your schedule was like.  She said you had called her this morning and said that you would be shopping here today.  Trust and believe I had begged her for the information.  She chuckled.  Melinda is very protective over you and a hard cookie to crack I must say. I laughed. So it was no coincidence that I saw you today.” She had said a mouthful.  And I was glad that it did confirm that I was right because she had pursued me and we didn’t jump in bed so quick.  Well, we were not dating for months and months.  But I wanted her right then and there.  And we had all about four real dates and some talking on the phone. We would have coffee and talk.  And I ever so wanted to have her every time I heard her voice or seen her.  So I was right in that area, but I didn’t know that she was scared of what she was feeling.  I had no idea! Damn.

“I’m glad that we talked. Or you talked.  It makes things so much clearer for me.”
“Can we start over?” She asked.  I smiled.  And nodded my head yes. And just then there was a knock at the door. I knew that it was Chism. I immediately excused myself and went and answered the door.  We kissed and hugged and she followed me into kitchen. She was talking a mile a minute until she saw Mariposa.

“Oh high, I didn’t mean to be rude.  I didn’t know there was anyone here.”  She smiled.

“This is Mariposa. And this is Chism.”  They shook each other’s hands.  I could tell by the look on Mariposa’s face she was not too happy that Chism was here.

“Nice meeting you.” They both said in unison.

“Chism has an excellent voice and she is working with me on this song I have written about a month ago.  And she is going to do a duet with me.”  That seemed to take the worried look off of Mariposa’s face. However, the deal is that Chism and I have great sex together and we had made planned to have sex when we finished working in the studio. Or in the studio and in between takes. But that was our business.  No one knew what we did, and that is how we kept it.

“Well Jordan I am glad that you and I had this talk.  Thank you.”  I winked my eye.

“Let me walk you to the door.  Because Chism and I need to get busy.  And I meant that literally.  I hadn’t had a woman in close to a month.  The boys said I had messed around with the cutie I was all up under.  But I vaguely remember any woman I was up under.  Chism and I had a beautiful understanding, she knew where she stood and so did I. And to keep it authentic, I was still with the plan of having sex with Chism.  The conversation with Mariposa did not make me feel guilty in anyway. 

When we got to Mariposa’s car, she stood directly in front of me.  And said, “I know now that I love you.” And she opened the car door and got in.  And like a fool I watched her until I could not see her car.


It took us three hours to cut the actual song itself.  Not including the sessions we had on our own.  We had to do our adlibs, chorus, and lead parts.  Chism was sounding wonderfully and moving as she always does.  Every time we come together in the studio she sings and I get chill bumps all over my body!  Her soul stirring voice is so seductive and soothing.  A melodic voice and she harmonizes on the money.

When I actually went inside the booth, mixed and engineered the final mix.  It was a hot sexy seductive song that stayed clean and jazzy.  We both smiled at each other in agreement that the song was beautiful.  Now all there was left to do was let my boys hear it. They would soon be vibing to it and take their places. 



I had a glass of merlot and was taking a real break and kicking it in my Jacuzzi.

 I picked up the phone and called Mariposa, she answered on the second ring.


“Hi, are you busy?

“No. Matter of fact I was going to call you.  How are you?”

“I don’t know. I have been thinking about what you had told me the last time you were over here.”

“Maybe I was a bit too harsh or strong Jordan.  But I have been in love with you from the first moment I saw you. I won’t say in love, maybe that is the wrong choice of words.  But because I love your voice your music, how you bend your notes and play the piano.  I was moved.  She chuckled which is why I came to hear you perform as much as I did in the beginning.  When my schedule permitted.”

“So are you going to continue to run?”  There was a silence I didn’t like.  A silence that should have not existed as far as I was concerned.

“I will try not to.” I was confused.

“What do you mean?”

“Jordan, I have seen the problems and issues bring when someone is in love.  The hurt and how you slip up and do things you shouldn’t do.  And….”

“Hold up.  I have been in love…and  ...”

“And you are not together now. It tore you up, it had you feeling sad. I don’t want to experience that feeling.”

“Love is a beautiful thing even if you get hurt.  You get your feelings hurt and emotions crushed by your family and friends that say they love you.”

“I agree.  But it is so different when it is a person you have invested a lot of time in and with.  All of a sudden after five, twelve, twenty years it’s over.  And in the meantime of that you have gone through some extremely trying times. Things you wouldn’t do and go through that are bad and hurtful.  You tend to say it is okay since you’re in love.”

“You have been hurt real bad and you have been carrying this around for how long?” There was silence.  A hurting silence, she was building up the courage to tell me why.

“I have been holding on for two years and have not let go.  My ex-husband hurt me badly.”  I didn’t want her to know that I had information on her and her husband.

“My husband swept me off my feet.  Or ex -husband I should say. I fell for him head over heels and didn’t feel the ground beneath me when I walked I was on a cloud. We got married after a year and a half.  We had a fairytale wedding, we were married in Rome, and he had paid for some of my friends to come to the wedding that couldn’t afford to fly.  I was impressed by everything he said and had done.  He was very good to me. But in about six months things had changed.  He wanted me to just check in every now and then.  That was okay, I was fine with that. Then there was the insecurity, the mood swings, the raw crass attitude.  Then came physical threats, after the physical threats I became a recluse.  Our love making was no longer beautiful and made of music.  It was as if he was taking it from me.  He then started to hit me and I had reasoned in my head that this was okay, he promised it would stop, that he loved me.  And because he said that he loved me and had apologized I don’t know how many times. And gave me these grand gifts, took me on all these exotic vacations and would make love to my body like he did when we first got together.  I was dumb and stupid, I stayed.  I owned property, one place he didn’t know about.  My father begged me not to let anyone ever know that I had an ace of spade in my hand.  That I should always be the bishop and not the pawn.  I took that advice to heart.  He knew about the two houses I owned. One in New York, and the other in Florida.  But he didn’t know about the condo, it was a gift from my dad when my first CD went gold and I was rising up the charts. My father was so proud of me.  I could hear the smile in her voice.  It had changed just that quick. I got up one morning; nothing he said or did had pushed me to leaving that morning.  I just got up as I normally do, took a hot bath got dressed in my favorite sundress and I called a moving service and told them I needed someone there in an hour. I got out my entire luggage and packed my everyday clothes in my trunks and garment bags.  I recall playing Frankie Beverly featuring Maze, “Happy Feelings” And I was happy for the first time in a long time.  I was smiling and singing.  I felt so liberated and anew.  I got all of my toiletries, shoes, everything that was personal and packed it up. When the movers got there I only took what I had bought. All the things he had bought for me and had purchased and said were mine I left there in that house.  A beautiful house that brought me such much joy.  But now had become a haunted house full of pain and disguises and mystery of what mood my husband would bring home to me. The movers were done in three hours and I had them follow me to my house.  And when they dropped everything off. I locked the door up to my place and I went and took myself out for drinks, dinner, movie, and then to hear some music.  And that was the first time I heard you play and sing.”

“He hit you.  I’m sorry, you didn’t deserve that.”  She smirked.

“And I was in love Jordan.  Or so I thought.  I was depressed and hurt, I felt lost and uncared for.  He tried to fight the divorce. But I had some real good laywers, and my daddy had threatened him.”

“Did you see him after you left the house?”

“He came to my place of business, and the police were called.  My father had already filed for a restraining order of protection on his own behalf.  My father was fully aware of my ex-husbands reputation.  Word spread quick after we were married, but the damage had already been done. We were married.”

“All I can say is wow.” I could tell that she was tired telling me the story.  She took a real deep breath and let it out hard.

“It took so long for me to get over him.  And yes, I am still holding onto the past, my past.  And the sting of that past is even more overwhelming than what I have just given you.  The wounds are so deep and raw.  I felt that I had moved on by dating other men, by sleeping with other men if I had the itch and liked them.  But once they start getting serious and all clingy, I run.  I just want to have a god time here and there.  Go out to eat, movies, maybe a play or art gallery.  Maybe sit down and have some great conversation at an artsy coffee shop. And you gave me that, exactly what I wanted.  And you were not all over me.  And the more we hung out, talked, dated. And when we made love, that just took me over the top because as I had already told you.  I was very attracted to you for a long while.  And you are ever bit what I had fantasized about.  And I had thought the worse of you, this overly arrogant and cocky man.  You are a star! Who has not heard of Jordan Cardwell?  And the thing had me in a spin is you will come out to local jazz clubs and have a jam session with the house band.  And you always play the background, you stay humble.  I liked that a lot.”

“And you telling me that you were or you have been watching me for awhile? How long?” She giggled like a schoolgirl.

“Maybe a month off and on.” I was smiling and blushing.  My ego was all over the place. This woman was surprising me back to back.  And now it makes sense of what Kurt had been telling me about this dude Gary that had fallen for her.  She didn’t want anyone getting close and wanting a commitment.  And her husband was stalking her because he didn’t want to let her go. And knowing a man like him, his ego was crushed to have any woman walk out on him and file for divorce.  He thought he had Mariposa on lock down.  It also made sense that with what she was feeling, and how I was feeling the same thing.  But the difference was with her and me.  I was ready to feel love and enjoy the spell she had me under.

“And you are telling me all of this for me to understand you better.  And why you did what you did.  And I appreciate that, you being honest with me.  However, if you are going to keep running from me.  And you are scared of what you’re feeling.  That leaves me in a vulnerable position.  And I would not be honest in saying to you that what you told me concerns me.  My feelings, the feelings I have for you and that have grown for you are in jeopardy of getting hurt again.”

“Hurt again?”

“You know I was feeling you.”

“Yeah I did. But I just don’t know to what extent.”

“The extent is….I could see you and me living here together. Married, making love, enjoying life, pampering each other.  That is what I seen.”


“Baby…..are you okay?  Are you going to run? What is it that you want from me? I heard you when you said you wanted to start over.  But my emotions, as hard as I would like to be.  I would not want to go through what I did so soon in our rapport.”

“I understand.”


I took a long bath and thought about what Mariposa had said to me. I got dressed and grabbed my favorite CD and headed out the door.  I pulled the top back and cruised and still had Mariposa all in my head, I wanted her, I wanted to believe her, and I wanted to love her and be there for her as much as I could. As the music and the warm weather had their place today.  I did not pay too close attention to the wonderful weather. 

I pulled up to the security booth and gave my name and then was let in through the white iron gates that slowly swung open for me.  I thanked the security guard and I found a park in visitors, I grabbed my duffle bag, a bag of food I had packed from my house.  A couple of bottles of merlot.  And I hightailed it to the door.

“Hi beautiful” and I gave her the most endearing hug and deep kiss. She smelled great, looked great, and she was playing my music softly in the background.  Funny, that is my favorite recorded CD. 

“I’m not running, I’m right here.”






One truism in life, or a few I should say is that sex, money, love, emotions, words are powerful.  And the emotions and love that I have shared with Mariposa were all so wonderful and endearing to me.  We loved hard, we played hard, we made love hard, and our conversation was unbelievable.  Those things that she shared with me and what I shared with her were all so deep.  We dug into each other’s soul.  And that is the one thing I so enjoyed about the life that we had shared together.  Mariposa is indeed a joy to be around all of the time.  And I love her for the light that she brings when she speaks and walks into a room.  To me that says a lot about a person. He

Mariposa had gave me good times, yeah she did.  But after four months, I decided that I needed to leave her. Because there were many times that the love between us had gotten so strong and so damn emotional I could see her flinching and not sure if she really wanted to be in love and with me. I know that you have to work and deal with certain things.  But there would be days where I would call her and ask her out on a date. And I would not hear from her.  This happened more than a few times. And she would give me the same excuse or reason as before.  This love was overwhelming for her.  As it was for me, but something told me that she would kick drop me to the curb soon.  And I made sure that when I dissolved the relationship that we would remain friends with no strings attached. That the sex and any other affection had to cease.  As much as I didn’t want that to happen.  I had to have it that way, or else I could not get over her.  And trust me it was extremely hard! There was no way that I would get over Mariposa anytime soon.  So of course I went back full speed ahead over to my lover.  I played, sang, recorded, stayed out late, slept late, worked out, and hung out late.  I did this for two months and in the end, I had the best CD ever! Mariposa was indeed my muse on all of the recordings I had done in my studio.  The CD went double platinum! So I am grateful.  I was doing so much that it had me completely in another world.  This is what I needed.


However I did tell Mariposa that when she had completely healed that I was here.  But I could not guarantee how long I would be here waiting for her to get her head and her heart right.  Because things do happen, and who knows I might meet my lady that can give me more than what Mariposa did. 

Of course Mariposa and I made great friends.  We kept in contact with one another when I left to promote my CD and that single I had worked on with Chism blew the charts up!  An instant hit and it was being played on R&B radio stations, and it was real nice and jazzy. It had given me a new fame all over again.  Feelings and emotions and the love for a woman, my music, my Melody, my writing, my crew of musicians my boys.  This is where I landed and got too. I am on the echelon of  Kenny G, Joe Sample, Earl Klugh, and Soul Ballet.  David Benoit and Boney James are my boys from way back! But now I am being played in so many different genres.  And the young kids are feeling it too!  It is so crazy! And the dedication of my CD reads: “Her Name is Melody, and she is the best lover a man could have! She feels whatever I feel, as she cries, moans, yells and screams my name.  She is my Melody, my piano. However, the tyranny of this all is Mariposa. Fire, heat, passion and a beautiful energy, she is the title of my CD.  The woman I will always love, the woman who is the inspiration for this beautiful music that was made. Mariposa!! I praise your energy! Thank you for sharing and choosing me!”


There was no time for me to be sad.  There was no time for me to have any regrets of what was done and not done.  What could have been, I have always been a man that has moved on quick.  I have had so many setbacks and let downs in this business it isn’t even a joke.  I have been loyal to this game and paid more than my share of dues.  I have done a lot of singing for commercials they play on the radio and TV! I have sung back-up and played piano for a lot of well known artist.  And that wasn’t easy to do either.  But once my name came up from doing so many studio sessions because I was a part of the house band.  I started getting gigs that way; this music business is a mother.  And I found love for Melody when I to burn the candles on both ends to make them meet.  Endless nights of no sleep and very little sleep in between the down times.  My body would crash a lot and sleep all day into the next night I was so tired and I ran it down. And I may have had two days down time a month.  So all my body could do was sleep and catch up on rest from all the late nights.

The tyranny of it all is that I had to experience love and heartbreak and a whirl of emotions I had only experienced once. And the second time was harder and much deeper than my first love for a woman.  I was ready; I was ready to be with Mariposa.  She seems to be happy; she tells me she is in therapy.  And it is good for her, she sounds happy.  And she has now started her own talent agency.  And she is doing very well!

Do I miss her? Hell yeah I miss her! I still crave that woman’s touch and her kiss.  How it feels to be deep inside of her. Feel all of her essence and hear the melodic noises she hums and screams to.  The way she danced rocked and rolled with my rhythm and bass.  She is still the only woman that makes me smile every time I see her or talk to her.  My heart skips beats; I get butterflies in the very pit of my stomach.  The sound of her voice is calming sexy and very seductive.  And it always did and still does do things to me. 

Never have I loved a woman as much as I love Melody! And the music that we made together; Hell, that was the tyranny of it all…..

Just Toy”

Witten Expressions


Dedicated to my god-brother because through it all you are the shizznittle bamdiggity to me and I love you more than words can say……enjoy….peace and blessings! And thank you for loving and caring for me like you do.










Club W

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