It is true in fact that we are placed in dire situations in our lifetime.  And that we are forced to see and deal with things we care not to deal with.  And in those dire situations place ourselves in a situation we should have never placed ourselves in in the first place!

“Whew I am tired! I looked over at his sorry azz. And everything inside of me wanted to lose composure. But instead I just stood there looking at him. I took a sip of my strawberry lemonade that was cold in a glass filled with ice. I grabbed a dujuram and my lighter from the bar counter. I lit it up. “So some things need to change Macon.” He looked at me as if he was looking through me. Like I was supposed to be scared. I wasn't! Because if he was going to place our friendship on the line over what I had to say. Than so be it! He then rolled his eyes up towards the ceiling.

“What is the problem now? Are you PMS'ing or something.” I laughed a fake laugh.

“So I always have a problem huh?”

“Seems that way to me.” I sat down on one of the bar stools. I sipped my strawberry lemonade.

“Well there is a lot going on with me. As it is with you Macon. You know you are having a lot of employment, financial, mental, emotional and physical issues. And I looked down at his crotch and took a hit from my dujuram. I could hear the paper sizzling. I knew what I said would sting. Macon was having issues maintaining or keeping an erection. Did I play my trump card? Yes I did! I needed his attention. And now I knew I had it. He was trying to keep a hold of his agitation and not let it take the best of him.

“Look I want you to know that I appreciate all of what you have done for me. I really do. You are to me a very good friend. But the train ride of all that other physical love stops here! And I mean that! You are making me feel as if I am indebted to you. I am sitting inside of this house feeling like a prisoner and like if and when you are ready for me I need to give in. That is not what friends do Macon.” He threw his hands up in the air.

“Why do we keep having this conversation Celia? Why do you keep telling me this?”

“Because you keep ignoring me that is why! You want to do you and do you only.” Macon leaned forward and placed his elbows on his upper thighs and placed his face in the cusps of his hands. He is right though, we have had this conversation before and more than a few times. All because of how I have felt. Macon was my best friend and I do mean a very good friend. And he was the only person that came and saved me when so many of my friends IE lover had kicked me to the curb. I had made the mistake of having sex with Macon the night before I had left and went out of town. I had ended up going away for what was to be six weeks. And I ended up coming back here; packing and shipping all my furniture and clothes to NYC. They loved me there and had gave me an offer I could not refuse. This also led to many other doors opening up for me. And though I missed all of my friends and loved ones. I had to do what was best for me. So what was suppose to be six weeks ended up with me being gone for four years! And all of that time Macon and I kept in contact of course. And when I came to visit, he was having some issue. Internet off, phone off. Drama is what I call it but little did I know.

“So what now? I mean what do you want to say?” I looked Macon square in the eye.

“I do not want to have sex with you annnnyyymore!!! I feel as I am doing it out of obligation. I really do. I do not like feeling that way. You can come up to me anytime when you are in need. Me sneaking out of the house to date other guys because it will hurt your feelings. Me wanting a lover, or sneaking off to have sex with someone I want to have sex with. We are not in a relationship but this sure feels like one. You keep telling me that it is because I am here. But that is absolutely bull and you know it. You have already told me that of we did not stay together and you came by my house you would be jealous. So all of these feelings and restrictions I am feeling. All of this obligation I am feeling when it comes to us has to stop!”

“Soooooo …..”

“There is no so Macon. Do you want me to feel this way? Can I just stay here and be friends only until I get my place? I mean damn... your attitude is negative. You walk around here like somebody has stole your bike all the damn time. And I am not going to go into the rest of the BS. But I am here because you said it was cool. If me staying with you is the put up or shut up rule. Then we were never friends to begin with. You keep saying if we do and don't have sex we will always be friends. I took a deep breath. Again I knew that I had hurt Macon's feelings. But I was beginning to feel as if he was my pimp and I was his....well I knew a lot of it was my fault. I should have been firm and adamant when I moved in with him. I should have stood my ground. I had sex with Macon a few times. And it was horrible, I felt as if I was some toilet. Macon was having a lot of issues. He was on the edge of losing his condo everyday. And how he was paying a little bit here and there I have no idea. He was having issues paying his utilities, buying food and keeping gas in his car. Plus Macon had two beautiful daughters that he was not paying child support and was struggling just to spend not only time but any extra curricular activities he was not able to do. While being away in NYC my heart crumbled and hurt for Macon. So I would send money to him. I wouldn't ask him just mail it off to him. Once I had gotten back here. It was a whole new world! My eyes had seen the light! They say you never know a person until you live with them. And this is so much over and above the truth. When I had gotten over to Macon's condo I seen so many things that had disturbed me. And I also seen that Macon was a slouch, unkempt, arrogant, cocky lazy man. Macon was not looking for a job and was depending on his part-time gig to pay his rent and bills. Macon had ran his BMW into the ground. He barley bathed and the two dogs he owned he was very abusive to them both. He beat on them daily! And he could barely fed them. The irony and agony of it all. I was losing respect for him daily. A man who had just gotten his Masters recently by going back to school. And here it was two years later and he wasn't doing anything with it nor looking for a job. I could see why women didn't come around. Macon didn't get out like he use to. He stayed buried in his condo living like a slob. Playing video games like some damn child and smoking pot all damn day. The crazy thing was, Macon bought or should I say spent sixty dollars a week on his high. And then would get mad when he didn't have money for anything else! And sex was so like shyt with Macon. First and foremost he came quick and his cock would not stay hard. And so what was being horny like for Macon? I had no idea, I just knew that he masturbated often. And I could give a damn how sexy and attractive I was to Macon and how he has wanted me. I was not wasting anymore of this good loving on him anymore! I was tired of fuking him with all his negative and sexual issues. If I had met a man like Macon he would not even have a chance. And I know Macon knows that he is the sticky shyt at the bottom of the barrel. But no more! I am soooo over it! So can you be my friend and be there for me?”

“I really still don't see what the problem is. We are friends who share intimacy. But I love you so much more than I should and this was what I didn't want. For me to fall in love with you. That is the main reason why I didn't want you here.”

“But Macon if you were down and out I would have not asked you to have sex with me just because you were living with me. I mean I am so in love with you. I really am, but not that kind of love. Not where I feel that I have to have sex with you. I am feeling closed up with this situation and I know that you want your place back to yourself. Something will break through for me soon. I feel it, I know it. And I will be out of your hair soon.”

“Don't say it like that Celia.”
“Well it is the truth. Sometimes I feel as if I am getting on your nerves and that is the last thing I want to do. I stay out of your way as much as I can. I ask to help you out and you say no. I love you and I want us to stay friends. But not like this. I don't want friends with benefits with you. I made the mistake of having sex with you.”
“You feel I was a mistake? You are telling me that having sex with me is a mistake!”

“Yes Macon if it is making me feel this way. I could have stayed with other men and had sex with them to stay at their house. Not you! You are the last person I thought would come at me like this.”

“I am not forcing you to have sex with me. You act as if I have raped you! Don't come at me like that Celia!” Damn now he is yelling.

“Calm down Macon. I said nothing like that. I just said I shouldn't have. And the many many times I have mentioned it to you. You have made me feel guilty. Like I am breaking up a happy home with us. And when you come at me I do want to turn you away but I give in. That is my fault. I feel I owed you.”
“Owe me?! You have me totally … look I like having sex with you. It is a wonderful part of our friendship. Even if you move I would still hope that when you get that feeling you would call me.” I took a deep breath. I exhaled. Macon was not hearing anything I said. I give up. But the next time he came at me. I would say no. And that would be that. I was done with it and over it!

“I have some plans this evening. So I need to get dressed. I will see you later.”

“So we are done with this conversation?”

“Yea we are. See you later.”

“So you must be headed out and to be with someone else.” I shook my head and walked out.

When I came back later that night Macon was still up playing video games as I knew he would be. It was almost four in the morning. And this man had no life outside of that machine.

“You have fun with Doug?” How did he know I went out with Doug? Doug was an ex of mine that I had dated for two years. And yes he was a man that had let me down. But there was nothing going on with Doug and I on an intimate level. Doug felt the need the to romance me and take me wherever I wanted to go and do whatever I wanted to do. I say guilt and his feelings that he still had for me. Hey I was down, he could give and do for me all he wanted. But he and I were o-v-e-r over!

“How do you know I went out with Doug?”
“I had taken the trash out and I seen you and him talking in the car. I thought you was cool on him. I mean you said he dogged you out and all. Now you are going out with him? Damn I see who you are now.”

“Really? Well I guess you do then. Doug and I are cool. And whatever he wants to do for me or take me I will go. I have been gone for four years. And yes he called me and asked me out. So I went. What is the big deal?”

“I saw you kiss him.”

“Did you? Was I kissing him, or did I kiss him on the cheek?”

“You disrespected me by having him come over here.” I looked surprised.

“Are you serious? Doug doesn't even know what condo you are in. When he pulled up I went down the elevator and out of the front door. So how am I disrespecting you?”

“Because you had that azzhole come here. And you could have asked me to go out with you.”

“Were you not the person that told me you were good on being around people? No mere mortals? Were you not the one that said you don't like going out and that you don't go out? Was that you?” I looked directly into Macon's eyes.

“It is different with you.”

“How so Macon? If you are telling me something am I not suppose to take it at heart? Or do you want me to take it as a joke?” I looked at Macon and his eyes were watering. Then a tear fell from his eye. Oh my God was this man crying over me? This was too much. Damn! This I could not do. So I walked out of the living room and went into my room. I walked right into the bathroom and went to washing all the make-up off of my face. And then I put on a T-shirt and climbed into bed. This was indeed getting deep and deeper than I would have ever imagined. Then I jumped out of bed and went and locked the door. I just had a feeling. I could be wrong but I didn't want Macon coming in here climbing into bed with me. It seems when I have told him this many times , me not wanting to have sex with him he would get “horny” and want to have sex when I told him I didn't want it. Like he had something to prove. Like he could stay hard and give me the sex that he knew I liked and wanted. But he couldn't. And that was not what I wanted from him. And telling him that it was so many factors that had turned me off when it came to him would add more gas to the fire. So I kept a lot to myself. A whole lot!

When I woke up later that morning, instead of getting on my laptop and tapping into the wifi I just took a hot shower and threw on some jeans, my Ugg boots because it was cold. Grabbed my leather black gloves and cashmere scarf. And I grabbed my purse and left out. I had nothing to say to Macon and I needed to get out. So I went to Starbucks. I knew Macon would go nowhere. And if he did he would not be gone no longer than twenty or thirty minutes. My hermit, what can I say?

It was very heartbreaking leaving NYC. And trust me I didn't leave by choice. The bottom had hit and I was laid off from my job. The great thing that had happened to me was I had written a book that had done very well. Now all the monies from that book went into a money marketing CD that I could not touch for another year. As bad as I wanted to get the money and use it and needed it. I knew in the long run it would all work out for my benefit. And the fees that they would take from me would hurt me. So yeah I could wait. A year would go by fast! And I knew that the money would be appreciated and needed more later. Right now I was working with my unemployment and a small savings that I had. Which seemed to be dwindling more and more. Not only did I have to ship all my things back here and place them in storage. There was my plane ticket back and still paying on some bills that I had back in NYC. I got the maximum on my unemployment which was a lot of money here. But I didn't want to wholly rely on that to pay my rent. I was spending and saving my unemployment as fast as I got it. But I was so ready to move out of here. There was the strain that Macon would get put out at any moment. And I knew being back here I could not expect the same pay that I had gotten in NYC. And I knew that in looking for a new gig would be opposite of what I had out there. And though I was happy to be back I missed NYC!

Macon had text me asking me of I was alright. I text back yes I was. And that was that. I had even called Doug and told him what had happened with Macon. And he told me that I needed to get out of there as soon as possible. That I didn't need to be around all that negativity and jealousy. The one thing that I was ashamed to tell Doug was that I had been giving Macon “pity pussy” though who I slept with or who I dated was not his business at all.

I had gotten a phone call and it was for an interview as an executive assistant. The pay was 17.00 an hour and for being out here that was great money. So I rushed back to the house. Taking a cab so that I could get dressed. The one thing I didn't have yet was a car. I didn't need one living in NYC. And the car I had here before I left I had sold. There was no need for a car when I could take the subway to where I needed to go. And I had plenty of co-workers and friends that made sure if I needed something they would take me. And cabs were not that bad.

I rushed in the condo and got dressed real quick and left out as fast as I could. I did my make-up in the cab. With my heart beating fast and my pulse quickening saying to myself you got this job. Because all I needed was to get one paycheck and I could leave!

After the interview I felt really good. I felt I would indeed get a call back and a date of when I could come on and fill out my paperwork for HR. So when I got back to the condo Macon was not there. I knew he would be back soon. So I had decided to be as quiet as I could. And that meant putting my phone on vibrate and listening to music through me head phones. And if I wanted to watch a movie I would have to do that on Netflix. No problem with me at all.

I got on my laptop and looked for more jobs and emailed my resume out. I was determined to find me a gig. I was feeling now as if I was cheating on Macon when I went out on a date. That I had to have a man meet me in front of the condo or down the street from the condo giving another addy so that Macon wouldn't try to come and see where I and who I was leaving with. Why was this situation causing me and him so much angst? I feel as if we were on a road that we didn't want to be on. Now in all fairness Macon is a very nice man. And he cares and loves me deeply. And when I first came back in town I will admit I was feeling and thinking we could share something special. That is why I had sex with Macon. But when I had began to see everything that was going on and how Macon was living his life I had second thoughts. Macon was not the man that I had once knew. I was wondering why was he living this life. For the record Macon and I were friends, very good friends for seven years before we or should I say came on to him and had sex with him before I left. Macon was in a long relationship and I was not attracted to him in a sexual way. I was feeling hurt and on the rebound. And why not I thought to myself when I pursued Macon. And it was great! And I thought that when I had seen him this time in coming back it would be great again. Not so, Macon kept telling me that he had been celibate and that he had been S.O.L with women. And that all the things he was going through had detoured him from having sex. So my question was if he knew he had issues why was he still pursuing sex with me? When I got the courage to ask him before I had to take a trip back NYC he told me he was out of practice. Really? I didn't know one had to practice something they already knew.

I was glad that I was the person that I was. And that being is a woman no matter what adversities, no matter what I may go through and what is said or done to me I always pull through! I am indeed a soldier in this game called life. Nothing! And I do mean nothing from money, to jobs, to a home, to eating, to clothes, to hopes and dreams always come through for me. And that this was only a fork in the road. Who knew that after getting laid off that I would not get a job instantly? There indeed was a reason as to why I had to move back home. And why I had gone through it. I am and always will be a testimony to myself and others that knew me. So this frustration was indeed my motivation. I was willing a job to me thinking and speaking it in to my existence like I have done so many times before. The negativity of Macon was everyday! It was nothing he was doing, but what others were doing. No fingers ever pointed to him or him making unwise decisions. I guess it is true, what you put out is what you get back. So this is the reason why Macon gets crap in his life all the time!

The sad part about Macon is that I never knew him to be the person he is right now. Macon had fallen on hard times but would always tell me, “Oh well, I will get through this.” But the Macon I see now is a man who has no self esteem at all! And to me has given upon life. And when I have had talks about this very thing he gets irritated and angry. So I have left it alone. I have been in this condo now for six weeks and things seem to have gone downhill every second. If someone knocks on the door, his phone rings he is agitated. I have seen Macon throw many temper tantrums by throwing things around the condo in an already cluttered and defunked home. Shoes, clothes, papers, trash, food laying everywhere! And I cannot clean up. So I am grateful for one thing, that I do have my own room which is fresh and stays clean and a bathroom to myself. I just have a queen size blow up bed. No artwork on the walls or décor. I don't want to get comfortable. I do have my candles, my flat screen TV, DVD player, and surround sound I can hook up to my laptop and play music. And yes I do have a nice feather down comforter set with plenty of pillows because I want to sleep comfortably. I cannot tell you the many times I have awoken in the middle of the night and I find Macon laying next to me in my bed. Which when he does I grab my comforter and sleep on the floor. Macon asks me? “Why do you sleep on the floor?” “Because I don't want to sleep next to you. If I wanted to sleep with you I would come get in your bed or ask you to come climb in bed with me.” It seems when I was gone and came back from my two week trip from NYC he became more sensitive and clingy. Something I have now stopped trying to figure out.

My week was going very well, I had gotten interview after interview and was excited. I was staying away as much as I could from the condo. I had even stayed a couple of nights away with some of my friends. Now you may be asking why did I not go and stay with my friends or family. Well the answer to that was my mother and father had sold their home and moved into a senior citizen complex. And me living there was a no go. My brother was married and he and his wife were having some marital issues and I did not want to be in the middle of that. Most of my girls here were living with a man or had roommates or were doing bad in this economy. Macon was the only one that said it would be no problem for me to stay with him. So I appreciated it. And yes when I had first come over I was in pure shock and astonishment how filthy his condo was. All of the things he had in the spare bedroom he had put in his storage unit. And I had to wipe down walls and clean hideous spots from off the floor. I had aired the room out for a week. I was so embarrassed when I had to have a professional come clean the carpets in the bedroom which was white. And Macon has no problem with having guest in his condo looking as it does.

I was going on interviews and still applying fro jobs. Staying focused, and this night it seemed that Macon was really under pressure. He had told me that playing video games was his way of release. It was his way to decompress of all that crap that was going on in his world. Of course in my head I was wondering, or should I say thinking. Maybe if you just got a job and stopped smoking pot all day you would be okay. But low and behold I would find out that Macon's problems and deep seeded issues were more than I had known.

Macon had his music on, he also had his computer going on streaming some old shows. And he was playing video games. Again. Whatever he was going through this time I had no idea. But I could not even think, normally I would put my headphones on and stream a movie or listen to music from my laptop. But this evening I wasn't feeling that. So I made a phone call to one of the gentlemen that I dated and asked him to come pick me up. Of course that meant staying the night with him. But I was okay with that. I quickly packed an overnight bag and packed my laptop up and walked out of the door not speaking to Macon at all.


“Hey Celia. I have been calling Macon all day and he is not answering his phone. Are you at the condo?”

“No I am in the lobby waiting on my ride.”

“Oh are Macon okay?”

“I don't know.”

“What's going on with you? Are you okay?”
“Yeah... I am just hoping Macon will get over this.” I frowned.

“Get over what?” I was now curious. I was very close to Macon's aunt. Who was just a couple of years older than him. Missy and I had hung out many of times before I had left. And since I had been back we haven't seen each other but have spoke on the phone. She was running her own business now and was putting a lot of time into it. But from what she told me that was all going to change. Missy took a deep breath and then exhaled. And I had stepped out of the lobby and walked out the front door looking down the street to see if I had seen Patrick's car. I didn't so I walked back inside because it was a chilly brisk breeze this evening.

“Did Macon tell you what happened?”

“Macon hasn't really told me too much of anything. I know he is behind on the rent that he is paying to the owners of the condo he is subletting. That he is having a hard financial time right now.”

“Well that has been going on for over a year now. Macon started getting depressed and acting different when he and Shell broke up.”

“That was over four years ago.”

“Yeah I know. But then after the break up Shell kept the girls from him for a year. Our Uncle Ted died that made things worse.” I frowned up, my eyes watered, my mouth fell open and then I covered it. I didn't know he had died. Oh how I loved Uncle Ted he was so sweet and loving.

“Macon never told me he passed away. There was crack in my voice. And I was speaking in a whisper.

“I cannot believe that Macon didn't tell you that! Oh wow! As close as you were to our Uncle? Uncle Ted died three years ago. And right after he passed away it seemed as if everything bad that could happen happened. His daughter committed suicide. No one knows why to this day. We all want to say that Camille took her life because she loved Uncle Ted so much and life without him would be nothing to look forward to. Macon and Camille were close as you know. All three of us were, but you already know that. When Shell start letting Macon come back around the girls she later sued him for child support. And Macon was being stubborn and wouldn't pay. So when he got pulled over by the police for a tail light being out. Running his license they found out his license had been suspended. He has this BS part time. And ….” I had wiped my face. I had no idea of all of these things that had happened. And this was not the relationship I thought that he and I had.

“Have you been over to the condo?”

“Yes... Macon lives like a slob, doesn't eat right.”

“And he is very stubborn, mean, lazy, has to debate about everything. Anything I like he steps on. The way I dress, me wearing make-up. He has the most negative attitude. And he gets angry when his phone rings or someone knocks on his door.”

“I didn't know that Celia.”

“And he doesn't want me to tell him if I sleep or go out with a guy because when I did do this it hurt his feelings. He cried Missy and said I had disrespected him for having my ex boyfriend come over here and he didn't even come to the front door. He told me if I slept with another man don't tell him about it.”

“Are you serious? It sounds like Macon is in love with you. Is he?”

“Yes. I sadly said. He told me that he loved me more than he should. Missy I will be honest with you. Macon and I had sex and, and I loathed it. Macon is having issues in that department. And now that you are telling me this it now makes sense. A lot of things make sense. Macon told me about the only two women he has dated or been with in the last four years. He told me that the ladies, one being much older and one being much younger had broke his heart. But he had dated them very close together. He said he was in love.”

“No Macon was looking to be loved. I remember the older lady. She really tried to help Macon. She came and cleaned and organized the condo. But Macon not wanting to work and get his act together and staying in this depression she eventually got tired and left. I held nothing against her at all in regards to her leaving. Macon made it very hard to love and be loved.” I saw my ride pull up.

“Missy I have to go. Maybe when you have time we can hook up and go have tea or cafe and finish this talk if that is okay with you?”

“Sure that would be great I think we need that.” A sad face had formed on my face.

“I had no idea of everything that has been going on with Macon. But he is at home.”

“You're welcome.” And I hit the end button the phone. I smiled as my friend Patrick got out of the car and opened up my door for me to get in. He took my bag from me and placed it in the back seat. There was smooth jazz playing in the car. It immediately placed me in a different place. I relaxed and leaned deeply into the leather seat. I pushed the button on the door frame to let the window down some to feel the cool night air and some fresh air. And I let Patrick whisk me off from where I was and where I didn't want to be.

I ended up staying two nights over at Patrick's house. He could immediately feel that I was feeling down. And the great thing was that he was trying to be as nurturing as he could. I know Patrick's intentions were to pick me up and have sex with me. It showed with him showering and removing his clothes in front of me. Walking around nude. And if I was in a different mode I may have went for it. But walking around nude was not going to push me nor tempt me in anyway whatsoever. A plan was indeed was needed from me. Running from my situation and also staying positive being around Macon was getting easy and hard at the same time. As long as I got up early in the morning and came back late in the evening. I was really okay.

When I had made it back to to the condo Macon was sleep. I was glad about that! And of course as usual the computer was on loud, the TV was up repeating the theme music over and over from the football game. The lights were all on in the living room, and there were cigarette buts all over the table along with emptied and half full cups of juice. There were empty plates, and some that still had food on them. I ignored and went in my room and began to devise my plan.

I had fallen off to sleep in bed with my laptop next to me. And I was awaken by Macon rubbing my leg. I jumped out of my sleep.

“What? I scare you now?” I looked up at Macon.

“You startled me out of my sleep. And could you please stop rubbing and touching me like that?” I said with an attitude. Macon gave me a surprise look.

“What? I can't touch you now?”

“Not like that...I am not asking you I am telling you. Please do not touch me like that. We are not a couple. We do not have an intimate connection like that anymore.”

“Girl please! You walk around here half naked and shyt! And you don't expect me to touch you? You had no problem with it before now.” I sat up in my bed.

“It is like you are not hearing me at all Macon. Why is that? Huh? In the past month are more I have not spoken about sex. Hugged or even kissed you. I have not rubbed against you or gotten up under you. Are not my actions speaking louder than my words? You said you had feelings for me. So I stopped all of that touching so that I do not send you the wrong signals. You told me that we would be friends if we no longer have sex. Listen to me, I do not want to have sex with you Macon. I do not want us to act or speak like a couple. I do not want us to share anything closely intimate of what we had but close conversation. And we cannot even have that.” Macon walked out and slammed my door.

My plan had no choice. I had to step up my game and I had to move forward. It looked as if I wanted to save my friendship and my sanity I needed to leave.

I had decided to break the bank, I really needed too. I believed that I had to move out and move out soon. I had some extra help, so instead of saying no I was now going to say yes! My brother told me that he would assist me with my cell phone bill until I got a job. And I knew that he would. I had another close friend of mine tell me that they would help me with whatever I needed. So I took the last of my savings and I found myself a studio apartment. My brother co-signed for me and I moved in to a 1100 sq. ft hardwood apartment. I had the money to pay up two months worth of rent. And I knew that I would get a job soon. I just knew I would there was no doubt in my mind. I had been getting interviews nothing had bit. But at least I was getting interviews. Some people were not getting a call back on resumes that they had sent out.

I had gotten a couple of my friends together and they helped me move my things from storage into the studio. What I could not fit in to my place of course stayed in storage. And Patrick offered to pay my storage until I had gotten a job. It was so funny that as soon as I made a move I had people coming out of the wood works to help. Not that I am helpless and a user. But I knew that they all knew the character of the person I really was. Soon after my agent called and told me that Phil Organisto had come across my book and wanted me on his show. I was so excited! I knew what this would mean for me. A book that has been out for a year and a half and book sales were on the low would now increase. Phil had a huge following like Oprah and was respected in many levels of business. I knew that immediately my following would go through the roof and once on Phil there would be more offers!

I was glad that Macon was at work when I had come to get my things out of his condo. Which I had moved slowly but surely from his home. We were barely speaking, and what conversation we did have was very minimal. There was nothing I could say or do to help my best friend. And whatever I did say to try and help or give help in an area he would anger and get agitated. I knew the dynamics of our relationship had changed.


When I had done the Phil show book sales did increase and so did my appearances on many other talk shows. I was given a huge book deal and was now back on top of things. My confidence had never left and getting a “full-time job to make ends meet was of course no longer needed. I was thrown

so many opportunities and I was excited!

I had also learned so much from my experience in living with my best friend. The fact that I will not live with a friend anymore for one. The main thing I learned was that no matter how I want to help someone they have to want the help themselves. Some wounds are too deep to be healed with the love of a friend!

I will go and move back home with my parents if ever I had gotten in this position again! As for Macon we barely speak to one another and he is still in the same position as when I had left. However Macon did lose his condo eventually and where he lives at now I have no idea. But he still has not found a full time gig. I also know that I will never ever cross a line of sleeping with a friend ever again! And that it is best for me to help others and not be used or place my self in a position to be used. All of these new experiences I have written down and noted very well. Humph, who knows, maybe I will write a book on it one day..smiles...


“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

Say Hello Diamonds

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