Poetry is nothing but ones "deep" expressions on what one feels, sees and cares about. It reeks a flow and contention that is surreal for so many that write it and read it. I enjoy and love that I am a part of such an elite group of poets, deep writers and thinkers. To you all thank you for your thoughts and passion.


One day I was talking to myself, as myself. Telling myself, “You have to do better!”

I told myself, outside of myself. No one will ever think as highly of yourself. If you don't do it for yourself. That's what I told myself!

As I talked to myself, outside of myself. My inner self stepped in and gave my outer self some perspective of myself.

As my introspective looked at my outer self. The flaw of myself became more and more transparent. I had to tell myself, stay strong! Don't let what you tell yourself make you feel bad about yourself! Pick yourself up and work on yourself!

As I talked to myself outside of myself. I forgave myself. All the many years I had secretly kept going back to my former self. The self they didn't talk right, love right, walk right and act right! I had to tell myself, “No one is perfect! So get a hold of yourself! Stop holding onto past sins!” That's what I told myself!

The day that I chose to live outside of myself and talk to myself. Was when reality came in and told myself. Become peace with myself! That I could make my past be my former self. To be easy on myself. I had to tell myself not to be hard on myself. Because I was being hard on myself, I tole myself. My inner self was hurting, crying, venting, complaining, complacent!

The introspective self that was talking to myself. Had to explain myself to not only my inner self. But my outer self as well!

I had to take myself into another universe! I had to live outside of myself. Just to look at my outer self and see what was not working for me! The emotional self, the mental self, the physical self all were spoken too! All of us talking it out. We all knew that we were selfish in many areas!

My emotional self had to hang back and not take it personal at what the inner self was telling the outer self. What the perspective of my outer self was to others! Ohhhh, how I had hurt myself and plenty around me!

As I journeyed with myself. I had learned a lot about my self as I was by myself. And the introspection of myself. Along with the outer perspective, then retrospective self. Things made sense, they became clear. I was now having patience with myself. Learning myself, and now it was possible to love myself, Even though I thought I loved myself and placed myself above!

All of this just happened one day, then the doors open daily to myself! I saw myself! I can really see myself, better daily! Is this what it means to get to know yourself? That it takes awhile to work on self. That you will always work on your self!

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions



No tea, no shade...

But I walked into the room, and I was laid!!

All eyes on me, as if Tu Pac was playing in the background as my theme music!

The one that was gawking and hawking me the hardest was gagging soooo!

No tea, no shade...

But you are not wearing that Goodwill well hunty! (snaps fingers) Is that why you are gagging so, staring so, hating so? (rolls eyes)

Feeling a certain type of way dahl? (side eye)


My Goodwill comes straight from Macy's Boo! Facts!

But, I just looked at the heels of your shoes Boo Boo! (looking up and down)

It looks like someone was pulling you on the back of their car! As if you were water skiing on the black asphalt concrete!

No tea, no shade....

All of this is self made!

Just Toy

Written Expressions


Dedicated to you!!! From th eexpression in me!


She was raw, sensitive, vulnerable, emotional, mean, vindictive, a pushover for love and attention, seductress, mischievous, sweet, nurturer and giver!  She was many things! Simply a fireball of a mixture.

She was sensitive to others needs.  But felt it was ineffective when it came to hers.  She was bougie, she was needy.  Not once getting the love she so desired. She longed for love and attention.  She made herself needy.  Needy emotionally. Wanting to give the depth of herself.  Just to prove that she was worthy to love.

She was emotional because that was just how God made her.  She was emotional to animals, people, strangers, lovers and herself.  She could be so emotional by the climate of her surroundings.  Rather that would be good or bad.  Rather it was love or hate.  Dissension in her life.  Joys in her life.  She was an emotional being.  Hate, angst, passion, compassion. 

She was mean.  She was mean when things did not work out in her favor.  Mean to those who hurt her.  Mean with spiteful words.  Vulnerable with her words.  Verbs that hurt and stung those who were close to her.  She was mean when she had mean thoughts to those who had hurt her.  Being mean because she was treated mean and knew what mean was all about. Her journey made her mean at times.

She was vindictive, vindictive indeed.  Thinking, wondering how can she get back to those she loved and cared for.  She did things undercover, she had vindictive thoughts about what she could do that took her on fantasies and plots.  But, figured she could do it other ways.  Revenge is not good.  But being vindictive for her was.

A pushover because no matter how many times she would say no!  She could literally be pushed over.  She would go against her own soul.  The soul that would show her and tell her no to.  She was a pushover and gave in anyways.  Gave in to what was asked or needed.

She became a seducer of sorts.  She did and did not know what to do to capture a man.  However, she experienced thing, saw things had things that were taken away.  One was love and attention.  Taken from her.  So she decided that she would seduce, lure, pull and gain a man that way.  She was taught well.  Read well.  Listened well.  Saw well.  There were many opinions and thoughts and so much information that she had attained.  It worked for her and against her. 

She good be mischievous. Mostly in a fun kind of way.  A jokester of sorts.  Doing things that would bring laughs because she needed it!  Then there were times that she was mischievous as she was vindictive in a negative way.  She did and said things to get reactions. Planning.  Plotting.  Being sneaky.  Getting away with whatever, whenever.

She was ohhh so sweet that it got on the nerves of some.  She was that, sweet.  Kind. Giving and kind.  She loved and lived to be nice to others.  Sometimes too sweet.  She did sweet things for those she cared for.  Said sweet things for those she cared for.  Did sweet things for those she cared for and liked.

A deep nurturer.  Oh, how she wanted to take care of so many that she had met in her life but she knew that she could not do that.  She was choosy.  She made good and bad decisions. With her nurturing.  Sometimes it would catch a person that took her good heart for granted.  Or took it for granted and wanted it all the time!  They craved it, needed it, they drained her of all her energy.  But it was her.  It was innate inside of her.

Giving is how you receive.  There was nothing that she didn't ever give from her heart.  Nothing! 

“Just Toy”
Written Expressions


When thoughts meet emotions. Emotions reach feelings. And feelings meet mental feelings, thoughts and actions that can be left for regret and pay a huge price in the end. What about the many altering things life can bring. Not miscounting the things that one sets in their path by the choices they have made. Life is now considered scattered!

So much going on that at times life overwhelms and things come flying back to back causing angst, finances, head aches and uncontrolled behaviors of all sorts of lust! It is the addiction of scatagories. All things all scattered and have a category they must rest in.

No ones world stops because you are in a whirlwind of scattered moments. If you don't reach you, hands out, think it out, make moves with it and be out. Then you will lose yourself in all the cluttered chaos of scatagories that place one in precarious situations.

Scattered thoughts because you must figure out how to get out of this one and doors seem to be closing back to back and nothing that you do is simply working. You give up hope. But you still love what you love. Give how you give and do what yo do that brings you joy. You may walk away, but the scattered thoughts you have been having about all that has been going on some reason eventually motivates you.

Oh how it can swallow and consume you all the emotional, physical, financial and mental things that cloud your brain on a daily. Hell seems to be at every corner. Once yo get out of that situation. There is another life journey that test your faith and hope flying! No speeding around the corner to ensure they don't miss you before you hit the corner! Bam! What now?!

Don't let those scattered thoughts catch you up and off guard and you make an emotional decision and not a sound decision! . Walk away, breath and stop! Scattered thoughts leaves scattered things and situations behind and forward.

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions



Free Dictionary


wonder woman - a woman who can be a successful wife and have a professional career at the same time

adult female, woman - an adult female person (as opposed to a man); "the woman kept house while the man hunted"

Wikipedia Encyclopedia

Wonder Woman is a fictional super heroine appearing in American comic books published by DC Comics.[1] The character is a founding member of the Justice League, demigoddess, and warrior princess of the Amazonian people. In her homeland, she is Princess Diana of Themistocles, and outside of her homeland, she is known by her civilian identity Diana Prince

Those who are in distress, need, nurture, care, love, concern, inner standing, warmth, pampering, sex, honor, praise, super human powers that don't exist in the mortal world. But in mine they do! I am an entity all of ones self. Spirit made, psyche made, mental and emotion made. Seduction stress reliever make you gasp made.

Some miss out on the true and very extremely special and greatness of “Wonder Woman” Her unique taste in the arts of so much. How just the thought of Her makes men smile deeply. Recalling the many times, or that one time She saved them! Oh indeed She is a savior! “Wonder Woman” has the power in her lasso and Her oratory is mad reckoning!

Her raw strength, Her candor, Her powerful moves and tricks of miracles that She, “Wonder Woman” is able to create and make! Of course mere mortals DO NOT inner nor do they understand the art of Her magical power and prowess. It takes a lot to be “Wonder Woman” She of course can't give all of herself to the world! By no means! She saves those and fights for causes that are indeed in Her favor!

Wonder Woman” loves, adores, uses Her skills, training, power, knowledge and wisdom that She has gained when and before She approaches. A master of the game! A great crime fighter “Wonder Woman” is! Her justice is always sweet! Even to a villain! Her lasso makes men tell emotional truths, secrets, fears, loves and hates and She can get whatever She wants right at that moment! “Wonder Woman” is a force! Indeed a force to be reckoned with. No man can move, walk away, runaway and not be left with an impression! This is “Wonder Woman”!

The world will, can be thrown to Her feet by just what She does! She is indeed a wonder to behold. Powerful, exciting, resilient, perfection of something that is not just felt outwards. But inwards when one comes across or in the path of “Wonder Woman” What is this? Who is this? Is this real? Is this truly a goddess to adore? How can “Wonder Woman” do this?

It is indeed truly a wonder of magnificent proportions of whom and what “Wonder Woman” is and can do! Her counterparts indeed have spoken highly of this majesty of power and might! All praises due to “Wonder Woman”!!


Just Toy”

Written Expressions


In a world filled with life and ugliness.  The chosen was chose. To feel the life, the span, the energy the fortitude of something mixed with desire, freedom, and self-expression with so much depth.  My cup indeed runneth over. The study of discernment. Sensually drawn in by the quiet and the calm. Eluded and captured by the quiet of the storm. The innocence of a smile, a twinkle of the eye, a dimple on the side.  Eluded to get caught up in a desirous web to unfold with anticipation. Ah, the big, the bold, the beautiful!

A surprised mixture of visuals.  Sensory overload! What a place to be in. A conundrum of lustful desires accumulated with a curiosity of fantasies that unfold right before the seduction truly takes over.  A boss of sorts. My wounds are closed and my doors are open. I enter the twilight zone. Legs and body shaking. As if I am in fear. It is the desire to be leashed that has an overwhelming sense of taste that lies between thighs.  Rotating hips, lips, action speaks louder than words! This, this right here is truly amazing!

As one being locked away and the key to access is now granted with a full release.  No disclosure agreements were signed. No warning nor disclaimers found. Just freedom and reign to express physically where words are not needed.  Walking into the depth and abyss as speakers melt. As lies and wounds drown from past lives of before. Nothing matters at this time that has been taken from the world.  It is all about the music, the symphony, the fat lady is singing! This is a communication of souls that thrive in passion.

His Bishop, playing me like a pawn, a knight and a queen all at the same damn time! How does this crystalize in my mental thoughts?  How can he suck, and drain the most inner being of what I am? Walk away with his devious yet beautiful laugh and smile. He mocks my existence.  But....but she likes it! Her Star shines brighter as her knees tremble, as her body relaxes, her body relates and release.

That's what diamond chip thickness do!

"Just Toy"

Written Expressions



A contrived consort of consumption. Cancer that cast nets drizzling candy capturing candidates.  Calling for a campaign that catches captains of ships to produce carbon monoxide and cancel the need for great causes. Can’t we just see?

A catalog of cautious carcinogen.  Catch these tees! Ceremoniously centering and campaigning against the sound of common sense of certainty, chance and chaos at the same damn time.

Ceasefire! Because change comes in brilliant highs and lows. Chaptering and charging chemical chat that makes a lot of us feel like charity cases. Chasing that conspiracy theory. Chew on this…a citizen choosing to clap back, providing a citation due to the circumstances of civil calamity in your city. Classifying the claims and clauses of ill will brought to our cerebellum. Dig that.

Cleverly close, yet not ever content.  Some may be in the closet in a cloud clothing a combination of catastrophe that feels like a commissioned commercial as the masses compare competition that complains of a competitive craft.  How’d we get here? It’s complex! Complain, compliance, caring, complete. I know this composition is complex. A component of the composition to concentrate upon.  Dig that!

In my conclusion, I wanna call and conduct a conference all over the world.  Concrete, condition conscience cohorts.  That connect in conversation. Constantly considerable and consistent to the consumer. Constantly consuming contact with contagious content. That’s real! Contemporary context of contrast that continuously contributes control. Convert, convince a contract of core values.  Which no one seems to have. Correcting corporate copyrights.  Corresponding courage the lack of true leadership. This shyt is a criminally courageous crisis the crew consorted to conspire.

Curiosity can be cynical.  Crushing and cutting our currency of frequency cruelly.  Dig that! My cause is creatively creating a credit of sorts. A cover letter, cracking clowns on this course.



“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

Perpetrating perceptions that perceive to be partially played. Particular placing ones self in precarious situations because perception can indeed be a mutha. Letting plans of placement be perched in genres that placate others mentality.

Picking people from played out plans from before. Trying to perfect the perceptions of those who see you from a far. This play isn't easy. Performance enhanced pimps, players and procrastinators plague the pool of puss in disgust. Its hard to promote grace and pleasantries when people are merely seeking you out to rape you of your very essence. Persistent, puzzling people pushing for a demise. Because at the beginning and the end of the day...perception placated is a mutha fuka!

Picking on small minded people and making them projects playing on mental emotions. Making folk panic! Pandemonium! That is what these plot pickers that ploy to break your plan do! Humph...perception...

"Just Toy" Written Expressions 9/2016


I see her in the mirror.  Sometimes I avoid the spotlight because of the shame and embarrassment.  I don’t want to come face to face with the person that I live with. I am dumbfounded at the things she has to do to keep peace. I never ever would have thought this would be me.  Or at least one side of me. There is never enough money and materialistic things that make me happy in retail therapy anymore.  The high comes down as soon as I walk in the door.  I am baffled, behooved and betwixt of the person that I have become.  At least I don’t like her is what I am saying.

The only time I can really look in the mirror at her is when I comb my hair, and when I beat my face.  The make-up hides the lies, torture, humiliation, disappointment, angst and insecurities she feels. Chin up, shoulders squared another focus of a dramatic real live episode of reality TV.  No script here.

She has decided to stop talking, keep some things, most things to herself.  She has now stopped talking to the one who tortures her.  No longer feeling freedom of speech. She is constantly put down, her joy for life and chat has disappeared.  She, she is a woman who is caught in between serving God, being wise, buying time, thinking smart.  But doing what is needed, being treated.  Excuse me mistreated by hands that touch her and she has no love for them.  The touch, the looks, the feeling of him inner, over, around just disgust her.  Yet she has insecure feelings  Jealous in fact, worried someone will take them away from her. Her torturer has no idea.

It pains her to sleep, to eat and wake up and be utterly angst of disgusted life when she is around such a nuisance. A person who doesn’t know how to talk, has pain, is confused, is bothered.  Has luggage filled with a frustrated past. They feel if they give, give and give it makes their behavior okay.

She has learned to hear the oceans and earthquakes in her ears from the arguements. The volcanoes that erupt when she keeps her mouth closed.  Listens to the roars, the misconceptions, the put downs, the jokes and teasing that is not funny to her.  But is funny it to them.  She can’t say prayers, she can’t meditate because of the guilt she is in.  Trying to keep the peace.  Because she doesn’t want to hear the ranting and raving, the constant bothered melodrama.

She gives him the okay, the pass that is needed to explore the world as he should.  No threats are needed.  Do you, find you, be you, have you.  It is okay she says.  Boiling water gets hotter and hotter as it gets too hot and soon will burn the stew.  No matter how many VIP passes she has given and said it is okay.  Nothing can come between them.  They pursue like beast in the wild…pheromones is prevalent.  They see lust.

Speaking, expressing, telling, giving knowledge, feelings are disrupted.  They bother, they make no sense!  It is like a mute speaking to a deaf.  So she keeps quiet with hardly no time to herself.  When the enemy is a sleep, tired, away and not pursuing her like a meal, hollering at her, then wanting to spoil her confuses her. She is not happy.

Long gone are the days of serving and worshiping the flesh with lust.  Another market is open, self awareness.  Spiritual awareness, love of a common goal not shared.

Racism, self-hate, confused and vexed spirits reside.  Reside in the company.  Reside in her.  Her flesh, emotions and others begins are less desired by herself.  Naw I can’t look in the mirror.  Because I don’t know who I am looking at. Because I don't like looking her!

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions



I traveled to the deep south, trying to see what these southerners was talking about.

They told me stories of humiliation, race and prejudice.

Some wish they were never born.

But was happy to see a black president!

I traveled to the deep south, trying to see what these southerners was talking about.

They spoke on how hard it was for them to see above the water.

And that some people seem to have it so good, and left them in squalor.

I traveled to the to the deep south, trying to see what these southerners was talking about.

I heard of heartache and pain, stories of their ancestors and how they were enslaved.

And yet when I look on the news I am so ashamed. How some are so misbehaved.

Not living in their past, no I didn't say dwell on it. But show some damn respect for the ancestors.

Those who took the time and paved the way. For all in this day that run a stray.

I traveled to the deep south, trying to figure out what these southerners was talking about.

And what I had learned was. There is a lot we all need to start talking about.

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions



She saw herself in a deep conundrum. So deep she felt she was gasping for air.

Not knowing which way to go, down on her luck or so it seemed.

She reached for the stars. Instead of the hell she dwelt in.

She had to dig deep in her past, deep in her present.

Stop questioning the reasons why and how she had gotten here.

Something had to change!

There was no more life in her life. No more energy to pull from deep from within herself.

Something had to give!

What next?

She had to end her life..and she had to end her life soon!

When she pulled up the courage. She pulled up the stamina from deep within.

She saw herself making moves, being strong. Willing the great from the universe that she had lost in her life.

Life had to end......

When she died....when she lifted her eyes up and open.

There now was life!

There was a new beginning!

Shedding the weight, humiliation, pain and disgust.

She pulled herself up!

She died to her former life.

It wasn't easy! Nooo! It was no walk in the park!

It took all the stress and duress in her life that pulled her apart.

Just for her to get there, to realize something had to give!

And there was no room in her life for her to give in!

There was life after death! And she felt that dying in her old mentality indeed gave her new life!

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions



I never listened!

I was always told to be submissive, and yet I never listened!

It was as if I was defiant, and I had to do it all my way! Like knowledge and wisdom was kicked to the curb and thrown to the birds like day ole bread.

I never listened, because I wanted to do me, instead I walked in it. Walking and trespassing in it.

Like no matter what my spirit knew that I didn't listen to it.

I never listened to it!

Catching myself in others emotional bullshyt!

I never listened, instead I was trying to heal others in their mess. And here I was rotting in my own mess.

When I couldn't fix myself, it seemed I could help others in theirs.

I never listened, you can't change wine into water, nor can you change water to wine.

Humans cannot produce miracles.

I never listened, and I prayed to gods and goddesses to fix it! But it was I who needed the fixing. Because I never listened!

I walked into doors that I knew that I shouldn't. Told my spirit and the ancestors before me to be QUIET and let me do me. Again, I never listened! It was like I came out of the womb defiant, cause I can't roll the way they want me to.

I never listened when HE told me that he had issues, I sympathized, I empathized I overlooked the problem signs. I put on my cape, picked up HIS baggage and carried it on my back and it weighed me down. I was tired, my mental being ached. My emotions sucked up and sucked out!

I never listened.

I never listened when I made the decision to go left instead of right. I paid the big price and constantly found myself starting over and over in my life. Wondering where my purse was, who stole my purse and everything in it?

I never listened, because SHE had all the answers! She knew what to do and what to say. She knew SHE was right and no one could say or do anything to change that course. Even when the warning signs, red lights flashing! Stop signs placed in all the right places. My soul? What about my soul?

I never listened, I left all of my material possessions behind. I followed my desires. Some good, some bad. But if I would have listened, I wouldn't be where I am right now!

I never listened, consumed by passion and stubborn behavior. Acting as if I was ignorant, and I was far from.

I never listened, to that inner man, my spirit, my soul.

I never listened, falling , dipping, diving in lust and infatuation. When that Jones came down I was done! Frustrated, agitated and loathed my life and detest the ground they walked on.

I never listened, because if I did. I wouldn't have even wrote this poem!

Just Toy

Written Expressions



I may not be the sharpest crayon in the box, however I am one of the brightest.

As I sit back and watch the world continue on it's journey to be chaotic and filled with mischievous antics and immature actions. It is possible that I am one that stands alone and watch as “mens love waxes cold” How I have indeed walked away from rhetoric situations and not be apart of the solution. I may not have all the answers, but I have all the questions.

As black bodies old and young seem to dissipate like a breath of foul air that wrath's in the world. There are those who show up and show out their disdain for such pettiness and disregard to the human race of color. Making a stance in protest. Simply asking a simple question that gets no answer. “Why us?” My people seemed to be Americas most loved, hated, wanted, admired, needed, envied, copied and overly despised! A group of people that helped build America. A group of people that turned out to be not as ignorant and unintelligent as THEY thought. Witty and some the sharpest and brightest crayons in the box!

The way we talk, dress, sing, dance and look seemingly are copied because what we do seems to always be in style. The way we look, cause THEY want azz, lips, tits and hips just like my female counterparts. Sexy, unique with pheromones that call out to any beast. We were raped, molested and had our bodies used for many illicit behaviors by them. It seems we tend to make beautiful black, strong and healthy babies. Our sex appeal is off the charts I tell you. Again let me repeat, I may not be the sharpest crayon in the box, but indeed one of the brightest!

Isn't it ironic that there is a hate group that feels they have mass appeal, that loath and detest the ground that we walk upon. I could be wrong, but how many hate groups have really stood out that parade in white sheets and call themselves the KKK and clearly with no hesitations speak their hate and spite for people of color? Is there a hate group that hates Japaneses, Chinese, Egyptians, Latinos or any other ethnic group? Is there one that will lynch and kill any race of people with such vengeance? Well in my Malcolm X voice, “They traded in those sheets.” Now they wear badges, black robes, some call themselves Republicans and politicians. They own a plethora of business' and some hoard all the gold.

Isn't it funny? Ha, ha, ha that I am America's most wanted, hated, needed, loved and despised all at the same damn time? That the things I create, walk, talk and live are duplicated. Yet some would like to kill me off, commit genocide to my race. Get rid of me because I really am taking up too much space. Walk over me, use and abuse me, kill me off and have no respect of my feelings or my loved ones. Could careless if I eat, sleep or have a roof over my head. These are those that placate the airwaves with such venom and spite. Say things and do things to hurt all that we, you and me have fought and worked for. As our blood and dead bodies continue to fill the earth. We have soon been forgotten. The theory is “Another one bites the dust” they relish and take hold of the fact that we are the opposite of martyrs. How hard we fought just to be “noticed” not to be taken for granted, hurt, abused and harmed. Yet THEY still look upon us as rubbish, clearly.

Gods chosen people, isn't it funny that the Jews were once hated and loathed back in the day? Yet they are rich, and we, we are still struggling and poor. Gods chosen people. People of color and rich true ancestry. Yet they rape our lands, our people, steal our rights and take all they can and get rich quick from us. We started it, life began with us and all of our witty inventions and creations. Rather they be silly or not. They use us for what we have. Take from us, not once have I seen my 40 acres and a mule. Not once has their been any retribution for the pain.

I sit here not the sharpest crayon in the bunch, but indeed one of the brightest.

Just Toy

Written Expressions



I see him, naw...I see you!..Damn I see him, watch him, feel him. His pheromones are deep implemented in my daily supplement. He is a god of a species that made way back in the day. A true soldier, a real gentlemen. A knight in shining armor...he is the one for me...and he pushes me to “say yes”

He is charming, his smile dazzles me in areas that only other men could dream or even think of! Ahhhh the pure bliss when we kiss and are high on cloud 9! The way are lips taste, dance, intertwine with music they play on contemporary jazz stations that put you in the mood. We inhale, engulf, pull each others air! Now it is spiritual...what we do...when we do. We share....shyt..

He pushes, probe, takes, gives, receives.... I think he is trying to have me in his lair permanently. Can you describe delicious and wonderful super fantastic in a sentence and keep it running on the sheer magnificence of this “dark” god? I laugh and chuckle to myself figuring it all out. Humph....damn...

He spoils the spoils with gift giving, love, smiles the art of being an OG! I have long waited, he wants me out here fighting in these streets! This is how he loves me.. Looking for his beautiful dark fit frame in the daylight; in a helicopter with a search light! How did I get here?..... exhaling...

My heart imparts, he has parted the seas, felt the goodness of my love and the wilds of my thoughts. He is a future I don't want to end. The passion of two charismatic people giving and taking. Debating and mating...passion...spicy,caliente we give it our heart-est. He got me open like Moses when he parted the Red Seas...exactly where he want me! Damn....

The love and passion we share like thunderstorms in Georgia with red orange blue dark clouded skies. We move mountains oceans and seas just on the sheer magnificence of we...of us...of he and I. Dig that...My man and me...loving each other..or is it how he loves me? ..

Dedicated to DKW, my muse...

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions



My soul, he made me forget about my soul.

Supercagafragilistic dopeness he delivered when he walked in the room

Hearts desire as I slid slide and glided.

He made me forget..

The sweet sticky stuff that falls on the ground accidentally because it is from small left overs. That is who he was.

Back arched as I walked away, giving him shoulder because I forgot about my soul.

He was a sweetness and savory of some theory I was coming up with in my head. Like something real deep, like Chinese arithmetic and algebra times calculus. He was brilliant! I could feel his vibe and his high from across the room.

What about my soul?

His richness, the depth of his smile arose waves of angst in the pit of my stomach. I had to walk away. He, he was like the rumba in salsa....I could smell his cologne from here...pheromones kicking in overtime.

His eyes lit up like atmospheres and unknown moons and suns of past lives that lived kings who loved queens like me. He recognized it when he looked at me.

Though I ask, what about my soul?

The connection deep like sharing a bowl of green homegrown. Getting high and higher where we now can taste each others thoughts. We sniff in bits, smile in shifts. The congas playing in the background. This was a chick flick movie. We, he, she us me drawn...

My soul....

our breaths touched each other, they engulfed and wrapped around each other before we even spoke. His voice ringing, playing, moving, running inside my body. He was high...and she was high and when we talked it was like music! He, me us we inhaling each other and getting high and drunk in the words of charm, flirt, intellect, heat we did that!

He was somebody's baby daddy who got away and now I would cherish the day because our spirits are one and right now I am drooling honey and its falling into my lap. Some of that sweet sticky stuff on the bottom of your shoe that is a small left over. Because you savor all the brilliant flavors. He spoiled me already just by looking and talking to me.

But where is my soul?

I ….we...well we connected and it was us and now I am one, one with his passion and so sprung that I drink his love deeply and what is left I am sure to lick up along the way. He fiery tones and warm assets are a gift to my soul...yeah my soul...he cares and loves and it's like coke meeting a pipe for the first time. The high is so unreal!

Our us and we he she me got along in deep overwhelming capacity. We loved hard and we passion ed hard throwing us in the wind saying,”you only live life once.”

Yet I still say and how could I forget..

what about my soul?

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions



It was not just the words that have been spoken,

it wasn't the look of sexy as I walked into the room. Rather I was glammed up looking my best.

Or if I had just rolled out of bed looking mad disheveled.

Neither was it just the sexy soft mesmerizing tone of my voice.

It was just not the lyrics that I would breathe into his M.I.C.

Neither was it my ambitious spirit and my outgoing personality that rivaled that of women before me.

It wasn't me serving him breakfast when he was on the go. Fresh flowers delivered to his job leaving a warm smile of sunshine all aglow on his face.

It was not the hot baths that I ran for him that smelled of mint and eucalyptus to relax his sore muscles after a hards day work.

Neither was it the home cooked meals that I made with pleasure that aroused his being and made him yearn for me.

It was not the many times that I had taken him out to dinner and saying that the check was on me.

The many nights I had rubbed him down with warm sensuous oil by candlelight.

The many times I had fed him fresh mango's and letting the juice drip from his lips and kissing him directly after.

It neither was the way I would razzle and dazzle him with sweet compliments forming his ego to take on the world.

It wasn't the way I touched him ever so softly and gave him kisses so deep it took him to the moon and let him feel the depth of the earth.

Neither was it the way I looked in his eyes and with my full lips professed my inner deepest feelings for him.

The way I bathed him with my love,

the way I made him laugh and feel good about life and the many grand things it held for only him.

Neither was it the way I held his hand in mine in the quiet of the evening.

He was addicted,

he was in a daze

he relished in being treated and feeling worthy of such a gift.


How high can one get?

It was not just the making of love or the love making that placed emphasis of love he had beating and yearning in his heart.

The craving,

one hit,

one toke

how high can one get?

As high as one can get?

A love-aholic true in every syllable and every vowel.

Craving the next high and getting higher.

As I walk away, as I leave my fading breath on his lips

as my love courses and moves in his veins like an addict

how high can one get?

As high as one can get. As high as the sun and the moon, the stars and the Heavens that's how high one can really get!

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions


Baby boy,

So sorry for you that life has been unkind and untrue.

When and where do you get the balls to stand up on your feet and stand tall?

When do you take the chances in life that are granted and make life useful instead of useless?

When do you stop complaining and start gaining some of these wonderful life experiences?

When do you stop being insecure and hateful?

Jealousy gets you nowhere and standing in the background gets you faded into nomads land.

When given hands of help you continue to say yes, but you let go of those hands and soon are in distress,

mama cut those apron stings when you turned eighteen, but you still holding on by sucking on her left tiddy.

Is this oxymoron or what? You state that you are grown and yet you haven't grown up and grown on.. You're wrapped in past lives and past hurts. And you walking around here mummified life as if life hurts. And it does gotta get over it and move on.

Either get off the pot or do what needs to be done.

Cause baby boy life hurts and nothing will get done unless you take the chance and romance this life

I can only hold your hand for so long, and what woman needs a puppy dog to follow her around?

If you don't like it change it, if it can't change do some in house rearranging.

A man is not a man unless he can stand and be the man. Take hold of the reigns and be completely comfortable with what and where he needs to be and stop placing blame.

A good woman stays in her place and supports her man. How can she do that when you are not a man?

Just came to spit a little because you have been dissing a little. So you can stay mad at the masses. Or you can stand up and not be an uneducated man amongst the masses who surpass you in street and business knowledge. Take some advice from the cowardly lion. Get some courage and encourage your own damn self and stop making fruitless decisions that are not based on real serious convictions. I am just giving a little bit of wisdom. Because baby boy it is way past time that you grew up!

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions



It is conclusive, and looking over your past (though we try not to judge you by your past) and looking at your presence; we, myself and I have come to a non-split decision. That being said let us speak on the evidence that lies before us. There has been constant negotiating and compromise. We also see that there has been a plethora of failed commitments on your behalf. And in this case that is like breaking the law! You did not hold up on your end of the bargain it seems. You have been on probation too many times and you have also been on parole for almost a year now. And it seems as if being on probation, breaking probation. Being on parole and breaking parole have not truly been hard punishment for you. You just do not seem to get the seriousness of the unlawful, hurtful and non-wanted advances of the crimes that you have committed do you?

As we look through your documents we see a familiar pattern. Consistent lies, procrastination, broken promises, some cheating is also in your docs. There are many offenses that have been committed by you. You beg and have begged for the mercy of the court too many times to recall and now we are beginning to think that you have been playing on the sympathy of the court! This can no longer be tolerated! The court has been generous in giving you adequate time to get your issues together yet you continue to come back each and every time and your excuses are getting weaker and weaker. In fact they are not excuses they are lies.

As of today we will no longer place you on probation, and now that you have broken parole there is indeed no coming back strong. Your time is up! And you will not come back and face this court again. The evidence is stacked against you, and the hard evidence from your past and present all say the same thing. At this present time you are selfish and there is no physical that you will change anytime soon. This is how we feel! You will go through life without we, us, me myself and I.  You will suffer for the rest of your life because of the great lost you will feel and receive. You will constantly feel pain and regret. 

Court is adjourned!

“Just Toy”

Just Toy Written Expressions




Sleep is indeed for the weak. And there are a lot of people who indeed are weak. 

When you are weak you are sleep and ignore the many things that are around you and settle for less because you have no hope for your future.  So if you sleep than you do not have to deal with your weakness.

Some sleep and rather sleep than eat the truth and lose the unnecessary weight. 

Extra weight causes extra stress, diabetes, headaches and hypertension.  Things I assume you love to have and are indeed a serious pleasure unto your flesh.

When you sleep people get over, under and over on you because you are weak.  When you are weak people can use you up and throw you away like used trash!   Well that is something wild and crazy for that azz! So one shouldn’t get mad, nowhere near livid at their circumstance.  Because being weak is what you like, and you enjoy the slumber and the slumber in the sleep.

When you are weak people attack your generosity, your kindness takes your hope right from under your feet and there is no welcome mat for you to walk upon.

You sleep cause you weak and then want to complain.  Why I cannot understand when you like, oops my bad no love being weak and drowning, swimming in your sleep! I see how relationships have taking you for a ride because what appeared to be love and support was really not.  You were sexed up and out and you were weak so therefore you were sleep. What you need to do is have those eyes wide shut and take cat naps in between.  Sleep because it brings rest.  Don’t sleep because that shyt makes you weak!

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions





Shaking my head as I tell you this, He wasn't really FEELING me until I CHANGED my FEELINGS.  I mean I loved him like no other and that right there is real talk!  I gave pieces of me that I just couldn't seem to give to others.  But once I opened up certain compartments of my heart and soul.  Corruption came and played.  Corruption sat there all big and BOLD cutting up and testing me.


He loved me, LOVES me, needs me, worships me, adores me, gives me what I want when I want and how I want it.  That is not how I value a relationship.  It is just a small requirement you see my worth is not in materialistic values.  The NEAGATIVE in a person waits.....waits and waits in hibernation to attack its victim off guard.  It builds up....and then when it arises it churns out an AGGRAVTAING ASSUALT on ones character.  It agitates, pushes, probes, pulls, pokes, and is painstakingly rude! It hates the POSITIVE and it NEEDS to be a MEANCE to the wonderful society that is created by two people in LOVE.


I asked, I pleaded, I begged, I cried, I walked away, I was quiet, I ignored and alllll of these things did not help!! What more could I do?  I did what I was supposed to do and more.  These crazy foul feelings that had erupted between us coming from him had me also acting out with ulterior motives. I now was a deranged character of sorts.  No longer giving that LIGHT of POSITIVITY he so desired and loved about me.  I was a SHYT  starter, a manipulator, I gave him what he had been giving me!  Those WILD and CRAZY feelings of irritant, talk shyt, nagging, complaining, dislikes.  We do this dance, this crazy salsa meringue B-boy pop locking robot street break dance with one another. Until one of us has the last word.  It wears us both OUT! This mental and emotional game that soon turns into something physical.  It wears on the body too!


I have now made sure that I ignore and stay away!  Yeap SHE has changed a lot from this LOVE,  a love she has never experienced before not being in love but once before in life.  He is taking her heart, her baggage and flawed ISSUES and making sure she keeps walking around with them because HE is not satisfied until she is WORN out from HIM picking, irritating, poking, agitating HER until she has no ammunition.  What more can be done?  TOO much TALKING, too much ASKING, too much PLEADING!  I AM DONE.  Avoiding, but being nice, the less I say, and do they less I touch and kiss, the LESS I am AROUND.  The BETTER off I am.  We are.  HE may be FEELING a certain type of WAY. But myself needs the REST, the CALM and the PEACE.


My FEELINGS have changed; maybe this never was real LOVE. TRUE love!  At least now I am thinking so.  Because I am so ready to WALK away from the best thing that has ever HAPPENED to me in my LIFE! They say  I am not RELATONSHIP material.  I disagree, I just don't get off on the irritant spray of RAID on me and expect me to LIVE through the toxic fumes and continue to crawl around.  I can't!  But it is apparent HE can!  When asked “WHY?”  He stated. “I DON”T KNOW.”  Now I tell you, what more can I do?  What more can I say?  HE has ACKNOWLEDGED his SHYT.  Oh and so have I!  I FEEL like a PUNK when I can't strike back!  And I feel more like a PUNK BYTCH when I sit, stand or lay there and TAKE IT!


Now he feels I don't LOVE HIM, because I cannot relish in the negative.  Because when HE walks in, I walk out.  When HE lies down, I get up.  When He talks, I am short.  Why?  So there is no BULLSHYT that will walk nor run me in no MARATHON. No need to EXPLAIN, I have talked and tried to break the code and too many times explained why this is so UNHEALTHY.  He seems to SCOFF as if it is a JOKE!  My FEELINGS and THOUGHTS have been a joke!

And now he would like to LOVE me in this crazy mixed up love that creates and angst for me and I, I am to respond ALWAYS, ALWAYS with a SMILE and LOVE. I can no longer make him SEE, so it is better that I SHOW you.  No more....I will continue to be lonely when he is around....

You see, I love HER, LOVE that is... but when LOVE is being mistreated...then....


“Just Toy”

Written Expressions




I sit back on my throne and watch new pussy act as if they have the best thing on the market! Silicone tiddays and silicone bootay you can have by getting some injections.  Hair growing in unbelievable weaves and bounds! Eyelashes so long they can reach out and touch someone! Is it a plane? Is it a bird? Wait hold up it’s those too long fake eye lashes that have went too wrong! Some girls getting botox and silicone injections in their lips! And chicas think it’s cute to widen they hips!  I can’t right now!

And as I rule from a place high up in the stratosphere I see old azz chicks still sucking on dick! My mom use to say back in the day... “There will come a time when you will not be able to flip that dress tail” and look at em! Looking mad crae crae as they run the streets and sleep in between the sheets.  Gray hairs on their azz and some pulling from their chinny chin chin.  Staying up all night laying with every Tom Dick and John.  Trying to run game like old pussy is better than young pussy cause they been in the game too long.  But what old pussy doesn’t know is, once you were a treat and now you are just a trick! Just like men who once were the chase, of they gotta pay.  Soon you will see that he may be hitting that right now.  But that young pussy is on his arm! Please believe me!

Look at young pussy as she spreads her legs and think her body and good looks gonna get her far! She walks by knowing men are looking. So she decides her wealth and knowledge are not in her talents but in her body! So of course she has that motto “Use what you got to get what you want” and as she sits alone she sees that she is truly not wanted nor loved.  Only for the fake that she brings! Don’t know a real man want what every other man has had or can look at all the damn time!  I thought I schooled you well! And old pussy still thinks the same that she can sell her shyt off to the highest bidder like she did back in the day.  Are you kidding me? Your daze are numbered and now you gotta put up with more stuff to give your spoiled needy emotional needy attention azz what you were getting before.  And trust all that creeping…that creep, creep, creep ain’t never got you nowhere!  But I recall you got needs! Still looking like a two dollar hoar! Like Dr. Dre said “still” Old pussy is still acting like new young pussy! Experience is better in some cases I guess.  But ain’t you learned nothing yet?

With wisdom comes experience and experience comes knowledge and knowledge comes change.  Guess a little piece of change must change something still in your life.  And your knowledge ain’t your wealth; and maturity don’t have a part of your life.

Well here is old pussy versus new pussy and I am one to tell you that I don’t have to sell my pussy short to get no attention or get my needs met or trying to make myself a two dollar trick. AIl seems as if some old pussy is trying to act like the young and restless of the new pussy that is used pussy and the new pussy is now old pussy that is still trying to act like new and young pussy! Wow!

I don’t give a damn about fine young gorgeous and young pussy! Cause that shit get old!  And fuk a damn cougar who still looks good and her pussy could be, maybe and should be ripe.  But uh when she snatch that young game that young game still seems to go and be with all that young pussy! 

When will these young and old hoes waaaaaaaakkkkke up!!!!!!


“Just Toy”

Written Expressions




She looks in the mirror but never ever sees the person that is truly looking back at her.  For all that she truly sees is her own vanity. And at the end of the day it all soon passes away.  When she looks in the mirror she sees all the misery in the lives of others and not her own.  Those whom she is disappointed by and those whom she is hurt by; and at the end of the day she still sees nothing but her vanity.

She relishes only in what those have done for her, what they can do and what more can they do.  She will only do for those that can do for her because those that she does for soon worships her; and they soon give they soon find words and treasures to give to her.  All she sees is pure vanity.

When she looks in the mirror she is disappointed by all the misery that has befallen her and the many people she has loved; how they have broken her heart with lies.  She of course has made them all pay with money, trips and gifts and many fortunes untold.  And soon so soon the newness has worn off and the scorn soon comes back like thorns and chokes the shyt out of her and misery has again reared his head. 

She calls her lovers and tells them what she wants to hear.  They tell her what they want to hear.  She gets what she wants and they get what they want and vanity wins once again!  She looks in the mirror and scorn and hate do not live within side of her, it lives only in others because they have not, cannot live up to her expectations because vain and vanity are never satisfied.  Money, sex and gifts can’t quench the insatiable need for attention from all that need to be sleighed and will be sleighed by her.

She looks in the mirror and knows who to blame.  She looks in the blame thinking long and hard what is her next move and her next plan.  Calculating always, manipulating always.  Malicious is the brand of perfume she wears; and dysfunction is her middle name.  She knows nothing if real love and she can never be a real friend.  She doesn’t love herself.  She knows exactly how to pick her victims, and she loathes and hates to be criticized and told the truth.  It is like stinging venom from a snake!

She looks in the mirror and her vanity is appealing like skinheads who hate, it is indeed a part of her given nature.  She is, she breathes, she walks, she talks, and she lives this life to utmost fullest.  Selfish is her last name!   She vents, she cries, she worries... “ohhh wooest me!” She can be sympathetic, oh sure she can, and she can have empathy, oh yes she can.  But at the end of the day it will always be about her and it is about her.  Vanity…Vanity her first name!

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions




Ever had one of those leave me alone daze?

Don’t want to be bothered daze?

Don’t want to answer the phone no questions daze?

Maybe not be a friend wife or husband daze?

Where you wanted to sit in your room or a house and watch TV all alone daze?

Where you didn’t want to do nothing all day daze?

Where you didn’t want to succumb to all the selfish people in your life that needed your attention daze?

Have you ever wanted to just do you and now worry what other people wanted daze?

Ever not wanted to be a giver, listener, talker daze?

Ever not wanted to go to work and be in no one’s face daze?

Just a moment where you wanted people not to ask you what was wrong with you because you wanted to be by yourself daze?

Thinking something was wrong with you daze, cause you didn’t want to get out of the house or hang out with anybody daze?

Ever wanted to just think and get into you and fix you daze?

Ever felt like it was just about you and only you and no one but you and it wasn’t personal daze?

Well I feel you deserve that daze!

That we all deserve that daze!

That no one should knock on our door daze!

That no one should ask us what is wrong daze.

That people should just leave us alone daze.

And no one should be offended and not take it personal daze.

You ready?  I mean really ready to have a personal daze?


“Just Toy”

Written Expressions




If ever in this life as she sits in the corner of her own world.  Prostrate, looking above at the sky.  It seems so infinite; it seems as if there is so much out there to offer.  Yet her dreams and her life never seems to be satisfied.  How can she compare herself to Solomon?  For you see she has never had riches and wisdom untold.  She feels as if her entire life she has been scrapping the bottom of the sticky barrel.  Her nerves have been fried, her angst has been baked. 

She hungers lustfully in her heart and in her mind to become the next “big thing” but as years go by and time speeds ever so rapidly her dreams seems to be denied.  She has accustomed herself to the many let downs and downfalls that seem to chase her in her sleep and when she is awake.  She defends herself against the so-called friends and frenemies that walk in front, behind and beside her.  She has become pickier and pickier of the company that she keeps.  And she has built up disdain for the utterly weak.  Not caught up by money or what others can give.  That is truly for the weak and those who have to give in order to get some mere attention from those who could really careless. She feels she was not born to be in a popular contest.  But only to be popular because she really does have spunk and talent.

Her mind wonders at the life that could have been hers, that should have been hers, the life that she wanted and the life that keeps making her chase.  “To hell with love!” She states, for all have lied and failed her.  And though she is far from perfect and has planted some bad seeds along the way.  She was hoping so soon that even as she walked and ran the path of the yellow brick road.  That soon she would have all the things inside her that she was missing.  She needed courage, she wanted more heart, and she wanted a brain that no one could pick apart.  She wanted to click her heels three times and she would and could always go home.  Oh how she hoped and hoped the Wiz was who he said he was.  But alas he was not.

Why does everyone get what they want?  And she is let down chasing hopes and dreams.  And when she decides to stop the life of her dreams, she seems to repress and depress because she is far from happy.  Placed in a world where she is always running.  Placed in a world where she doesn’t know who she is and what she is at times.  Always striving to show her best, give her best and wanting the best.  Like poor little rich girl who misses the love of her parents.  Poor little rich girl who is given everything she wants materialistic but never any love.

She glances at the clock, and as the second hand ticks, ticks, ticks, ticks ever moving to the next second as the next second brings closer the minutes and the minutes closer to the hour.  And the hours closer to the ending of another day.  As the daze becomes a week, and the weeks become months.  Then as she sees the months past the here is the year.  What has she done? What has she accomplished?  So she strives, so she moves, so she blends.  Into a mere existence that she never belonged in to the first place.  Daydreams ……

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions


Dedicated to my loving daughter who always inpsires me, who always finds a way to uplift mom! Thank you!  Love you Genesis Autumn High AKA Geneosoul



I loved all of their swag in the beginning.  They were all beautiful when we first hooked up…

They all had things in common; you know the things that you are attracted to. They said the right thing, swept me off my feet.  And they all even romanced me in their own way and made me feel absolutely beautiful, sexy, and wonderful and hiiiiiiigggghhhh!

I truly loved how all of them took care of me in their own way.  They all rubbed me in different ways. Some emotionally, mental, verbally, sexually and physically.  But underneath..

One of them had just left his wife and was freshly divorced.  And when I opted to stay away and give him time to relax, relate release and enjoy his freedom.  He persisted, and brought along baby mama drama.  He brought to my doorstep the angst of many hurts and sins committed by his ex-wife.  She set the tone and she set the mood he went through. Our smiles that we shared, the flirting, the humor and beautiful attraction we had.  She had ruined.  He was fresh cut, wounded; love hate and turmoil ruled his days.  Yet he needed me, and wanted me.  This stopped…it stopped abruptly. Because underneath…

I loved the way he took my time in a sneaky way.  He made sure he filled my eardrums with luscious accents, hyphens and punctuations.  He made me laugh and I made him cry with laughter.  He was the epitome of exotique to me. And it was good until the money was short.  And he was always pinching a dollar here and there.  Then it all came out!  A man, a grown man, a man who I thought was a real man kicked in the real.  He was living with his momma and he was in debt, having issues.  But driving a brand new car.  We could never go to his mother’s house unless she was gone. There would be no ripping of sheets and loud moans in the middle of the night at HIS mother’s house.   He had a daughter that he was taking care of, he lied to hit it and get it.  He was a fraud and he brought his financial woes to my home.  But underneath…..

He was the devil in a black Kenneth Cole suit!  Polished up, all of his issues there were none.  They were hidden in the graves.  That is until there was a full moon, and the stars sparkled in the night. He smelled good, his smile was mesmerizing!  He was all a man should be!  His drama was mommy issues, needy issues, complain and insecure issues.  He beat you up with his words because he was unsure of who he was.  He would have temper tantrums; fall out in the middle of the streets and department stores. He was the bad guy and yet he was the good guy all in one.  When he whined, I offered him cheese.  He needed affection, a woman to take care of him and he was selfish, and wanted me to be selfless all the time.  I had to step, I had to walk.  His family was a stone cold mess!  So she exits stage left! There I saw it underneath….

He was fine!  Like model fine!  He quoted from Shakesphere, Nikki Giovanni and played Miles Coltrane!  He was a poet, a shabby chic earthy brother. He was mental and had my senses aroused the moment I walked through his door.  Dazzling my senses with incense and scented candles.  He loved history and spoke perfect English!  The man right here!  But this one could not keep a home or a job.  He could barely take care of himself and he could not take care of the seed that he helped create in this world.  This one could not keep his life together.  Moving around, and always in need for money.  He wore me out soon.  And he was not the one for me.  But before I got deep, yes it got deep ( still ).  What he could hide.  This was beneath me I was prom queen of 1985! But underneath…

Underneath, until he really speaks these are Drama Kings.  The many men in this world that bring the pain and kick in the front door and wave in the four four! The ones that always have something going on in their lives consistently.  Yeah, them…



Dedicated: To all the women of all ethnic origins and backgrounds who have had a Drama King!  My ODE to the Drama Queen AKA Baby Mother in reverse.  To the many who scare the women off, because there is always DRAMA!  Yes you all exist and are there!  Women are not and real not be the ones on the witness stand! J



“Just Toy”

Written Expressions


I got too much downloaded on my hard drive trying to stay alive! “Living just enough for the city” And this recession is not pretty..at alllllll!!! I got shyt on my hard drive that I need to delete! Like “Joy & pain” I remain rocking cradles and teetering to the left and the right. Holding on to fight as sometimes I need to back space and shiiiift the other way.

I got too much downloaded on my hard drive when arrive at the opening page. Because now my tablet is moving slow....and in the middle of my disc clean up is some fire walls fire fox is preventing to come up. And I trust that you know when you sit in front of you laptop or PC dealing with me is like all the windows you have up in your internet explorer. Exploring like Dora.

I have downloaded too much on my hard drive because “there is superstition! Writings on the wall” and while some may make moves and think that they are copying and pasting right click on their mouse. I have hit the escape key. “I can give it to you but what you gonna do with it?” As now I have gone to Microsoft security and did a quick scan to see if any viruses are still out there fukn wit me. You see I do this periodically.

I have too much downloaded on my hard drive when I am retaining things that hold and have no relevance! I circumvent as I see that I need a rush! Like going onto a porn site and every and anybody soon pops up! “I'm clever when I bust a rhyme! I'm clever always on your mind. She's clever and she really wants to grow. So how come you're the last to know?” And then I take a break and shut some of these windows down. I am multitasking too much, and I have too much on the brain. I don't want the extra hard drive so that I can store more and attain. Not when it comes to BS and unnecessary mess that masses holds and delivers cold.

I got too much on my hard drive when all I gotta do is minimize the screen and even X out. It seems for those who are not tied to a phone and that is “our world” and if one misplaces their phone, their lives, their internet and free wifi. They have fits and spit crass and profane shyt. Technology is a bastard when social media becomes drastic. And the tactic is to get more followers on your twitter and your instagram. Who ever thought that we would be able to download software apps and add maps on a small device. Yeah...humph... I got too much downloaded on my hard drive!

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions



Oh my some of my “fans” are really going through it! Ahhh the irony of their confused feelings and how they have lost their self esteem along the way. How you feel what I don't feel. That is the irony of falling in love and being in love with someone who is a “Celebrity” you get all caught up by the image that is painted before you. All that sexy luscious attraction you had for me. You seem to be in your own la la land. And that would be fine if I was aware of it. To be in the “limelight” and to live vicariously through the light of my heart. To perceive and grow with my dreams. It is so sad that you do not live your life as such but vicariously through mine.

Am I to suffer human emotions that you share because you want to be a “star” and what is keeping you from being that” star” is you. Living in a world filled with gloom and non-piety. As I praise the inner youth within myself. As I praise life and refuse to live in sadness that may surround you.

Yes I am a “celebrity” a “star” and the mere existence of who you are gets lost in your depressive thoughts and wants and needs. I cannot be what you want me to be. I cannot stoop to levels that steal the joy and beauty of being a “star” is for me. When you wake up from your nightmare. When you wake up from your deep inner hell I will rise and rise and rise only to shine. And if you see the example that is set before you. If you praise the mere existence of who I am. If you want to continue to love this “image” and vicariously hope, wish and pray in your confused state of mind. Then let me hope and pray that you will make it out of the hole in which you have dug for yourself.

Because yes love, I am a” star” a “celebrity” climbing and climbing unaware of what your true feelings are. Because you have no idea of what they are and what they could be.


“Just Toy”

Written Expressions




He was the father of lies and misappropriated funds. He was a conniver and many more exploits!  The day that the 24 met him, or should I say he came back around. It was a sunny day, bold beautiful and warm day. A perfect day for the “dreamer” to come out and play. She day dreams and loves fairy tales! So when he spoke of slaying dragons in her honor she was swept away. So her and I are now through!

However some of the things he said grabbed the ears of the “attention hoar” “ego” and “arrogance” He seemed to speak their language and was soothed by the lies and false promises. He also seemed to ease “the little girl” that day because she loves to be spoiled. As is rough edged tone and caveman appeal began to release all of this banter. The 24 thought the “realist” she would come out and play. What he was saying was rousing her ears, and no, no, no! It was not in a good way. So she stood on guard, arms crossed. Scowl on her face, eyes closed so tight her eyes looked closed. The tightness around he lips showed creases. And indeed she was not impressed. In her head she screamed, “Lies! Lies! He tells lies and he is up to no good! We have seen the dark and ugly of this man. Do we indeed need to know more about him and take chances?” She was the head, the Queen Bee if you will of the 24. So she was protecting her thrown. He knew this but continued to spit and spit until “romanced” came out and soon felt the words were like silk up to her skin. And then, and then came the “seductress” though she did nothing she knew already what he was all about. And she had now been concocting fantasies and stories in her web. She knew how to keep him all messed up in the head and what exactly to do! She is always up for a challenge! Then there were the “adventure” “independent” that heard the poppy-cock that was being served. Both having conversations amongst themselves! Telling the “realist” that this is bullshyt!  That this was madness on his lips! When his words fell from his lips they tasted like spoiled milk and vinegar. “common sense” and “intelligence”felt the same way! And “pride” jumped in and had her say. Let's just leave it at this , she was not a willing camper. But here comes “selfish” “user” and “manipulative”! They knew what was needed and needed to be done for the 24 to all get together and be apart of “their” scheme. The three of them knew that it would be a very short spell and that we all pull together and chant “we can do it!” The “sensitive” “spoiled” and the “baby” sat all on the back row. Feeling confused, but wanting to be wanted and needed by him. “can't sit still” well she knew what some were thinking, she knew that it would not be long before she would be ready to make a move in another direction. And then “reason” came into play and said, “This is not what you want and you know it! Only two things this father of lies and misappropriated funds can do for alllll of us!” And all 24 shook theirs heads in agreement. However the debate continued. When “fear” jumped in the “Faith” and “miss know it all” oh and don't let me forget! “I ain't never scared” and “I gotta do what I gotta do” jumped in you would have thought this was a Jerry Springer show! All this noise, all this fighting in the group of the 24! Then “kinky” “naughty” and “sexual” came in raising their voices trying put everyone to shame! There was “stubborn” “wounded” and the “narcissistic” that came out and acted an ass and embarrassed themselves. But also had made their point. The “thinker” was dead set against it. And “you know better” she was feeling the same way! So as angst, hurt, wanting to have someone, lonely, please beg you to come back on bended knees, cries, lies and tears that sting. All 24 just sat by and listened and listened and listened until he had made his plea. He spoke on end of all the things he would do and could do. Of all the beautiful things that were ahead of us. Now even though the decision was made and affirmative yes, one thing the 24 knew that there was indeed trouble that lied ahead. How could the father of lies and misappropriated funds do what he said he was going to do for the 24? How was he through a mild or bad storm? Was he strong? Was he weak? The 24 felt and smelled trouble. But still moved on, moved forward and took the challenge and the road up ahead. I can say now that the journey is over like we all knew it would. Then the 24 learned that you never have to go backwards thinking that it could help them move forward! And in the end the 24 found out that there were more than 24 so the "realist" rested in peace with the 24 and then some.  And from now on will lead her court in the proper direction!


dedicated to the 24 people


“Just Toy”

Written Expressions


For the record let it be known as I stand here raw before you in full frontal being honest to my core. That you hear my story and feel my story and that you save your judgments for later and not judge as you hear my story.

My journey has been one of love hate and self love and self hate. My journey has been one of separation and fear. My life has been one of lust lies and stigma and my life has been played out in front of many!

I have eaten in homes and with people I hated because I was hungry. I have kissed the asses of too many masses in my opinion to get mere crumbs and scrapes. I have publicly humiliated myself and others because of some sorry situations I let occur in my life. I have lowered my expectations with others and my life by doing the wrong thing desperate thing and know better thing all at the same damn time!

I have been a small thief to support myself and my family. Only to eat and have clothes then resort to robbing because I was verbally and emotionally hurt.

I stand before you asking that you wait a little longer before you judge me. Because some of the things I have done were good and bad all at the same damn time.

I have loved those who didn't deserve to be loved only because I needed to be loved and wanted the attention and said to myself, "If they don't love me, then who will?" I have allowed love or the thing and emotion of love to consume me and have me on my wits end. I have given love to those who didn’t respect the art and institution of love. I have been cheated on and I have been the cheater. All because I was tying to prove a point! I have lied and said that I loved someone who I didn't and never ever really loved all because I wanted to be loved. I have hurt others mentally and emotionally because I felt it was the thing to do. And I ran the men and women in my life, hoping to extract some knowledge and hurt all at the same damn time. Pimping was and wasn't easy for me because I was being pimped all at the same damn time.

I was told that I cannot and will not be able to do half of the things that I have set my hands to do. Friends and some loved ones close to me "You will never have that!" jealousy in my cypher deception and with that love hate and deception in my world I have said and done some not so nice things!

My life has been on the ups and downs in my journey so don't judge me if you don’t wanna be judged.

Because I did all of this at the same damn time!

Just Toy

Written Expressions




He's vexed and perplexed that I am not impressed by the Lex that he rolls nor the Rolex he wears on his wrist and twist while he spits lame game.  And fails not to see that his game is lost when it comes to me.

That I know his game is lame and his paper is what he calls his fame and I only came here to have a good time and listen to the music that is being played.  As he spits and spews his ill logic I am cognizant how he watches every firm azz that switches and twitches as it walks by. "I think I know her" is his reply as his lips drips lies and shyt I admit I find his brand of crack very amusing though I am confused as why he chose to approach me.  You see maybe he didn’t know that I am the goddess Oshun and my verbs are planetary and my Venus rises in my moon. 

As he relishes in his own cocky atmosphere and feels the need to hear his voice speaks and sound weak while not fully pulling off the humble and meek persona.  I have no respect and let me inject that I come here only to have a good time listen to some music.  That I already got off of cloud nine, and that the angels will make sure that I get home on time, safely in one piece and that his services are no longer needed.

I am bored not on one accord.  I yawn, I stretch I stand up and say, "Your cosmic bullshyt is not required neither do or will I hire such filth to dwell in my cipher.  Had you have come real correct and true maybe we could have floated on clouds and dwelled on islands and watched moons rise and sun sets but yet you have vexed me.  Polluted my intelligence with irregular non-sense.  I must admit it was a bit entertaining but I will get up and just walk away.  Let you practice your lame game on gold digging whores.  Women who do not know they are Queens and I mean you should have known better, however 1 kudo point for courage." And I bow giving him humanly respect.  His mouth open id hurt, his bottom lip lying in red clay dirt. But what I say will only stop this idget for just a little while.  Because there is nothing common about sense. But everybody on the earth understands common bullshyt!

"Just Toy"

Written Expressions





If love is a two way street I must have gotten off on the wrong ramp while traveling on freeways and bi-ways where I was moving a bit too fast.  So I slowed up some. Going three miles per hour so everyone sees me. Looking for love or looking to be loved was not on my list of things to do! Wait a minute!  So as I exited ramp 222, went and chilled at 106 and Parked. I sparked inhaled deeply and let smoke unfurl into curls.  As love would soon step into my world.

Here I am on the expressway and everything feels gay, smiles and laughter.  Doing me and watching me do me from the outside.  Proud of my accomplishments and how I say and believe “Do or die” On a mission and everyone that comes into my cipher knows why.

And here love slips in, or that thing...that thing right there called love that it seems so many want but …I can give it to you but what you’re gonna do with it?” is the answer as dumb silly rabbits go prancing.  So I watch the buffoonery of fake ass TV reality as he parks right beside me and then come and sit beside me.  Lust running off his lips like hot molted lava. Oozing like thick caramel in honey, thick like molasses and as he sat and explained himself.  His plight seemed the same fight I had begun to put on a choke hold.  Our words played and intertwined.  They made life seem fair and money was easy.  No recession over here! Where they do that at atmosphere; we spoke in positive vibes.

His smile beguiled me, the twinkle of many moons sat and rode and rised in his effervescence I was calmed I was vexed with his ever presence.  He lifted me up and down and I rode on emotions of waves as deep as the caves in the pyramids.  We rocked and time, what was that? We never checked the clock.

When emotions run deep some sleep and get in an emotional coma.  And the aroma of bullshyt seems to make its presence known.  The I am feeling claustrophobic ideas come along.  And I see that your lies are the truth in reverse, your presence seems rehearsed.  And now the surreal reality comes and bites me the azz at last we now have a connection! Houston we are now ready for lift off!

Love didn’t hurt and make my chest burst with anxiety.  But with piety, being honest at the diversity and our thirst for human knowledge.  A quest that all men and women take in this thing called life.  Where you are born to die.  Now you got me feeeeling a certain type of way as free flowing love emotions and devotions had love potion number nines in motion.  A wrench was now thrown in the plan!

I was not looking for love when I got off on ramp 222, oh no not me! When you pulled aside and hoped in my ride and we gave puff puff passed and watched notes unfurl from the curl of our lips.  This love thing…this love thing is shyt, like digging pits in graves so deep.  I relish that I am on a mission to believe and feel and do me and love me and be about me because at the end of the day if I don’t do me who will look out for only me?  Your love didn’t look out for me.  It hid in seclusion and gave mirrored and falsified illusions.

So I sit here at the light, the light is now green.  I make my left onto I-29 and my soul…my soul still runs deep.  I still ooze the verse of diverse creativity.  I am now going 90mph so some may not see me.  And when I, me am ready for love I will pull that bytch over like a flaming flamboyant cop! Yelling, “Pull Ova!! Pull ova”.  Giving love that is needed, where he can feel it.  Where he can see it.  Okay so let me puff and engulf as I take this ride down the 95.



”Just Toy”

Written Expressions






It is the passion for life that has me moved.  It is the taste of adventure and the want and sometimes need to search for love.  To place myself in precarious situations and climb my way out.  Rather I am left with scars; I stand upon the mountain and can tell anyone and everyone “I did that shyt!”

I purposely make the weak at heart and those in dire straits and need and want for love fall madly in love with me.  Vex over me, dream of me and crave to be with me.  And when I leave the impression is not only left upon their heart.  But their soul aches and craves my love and presence. 

My feet hit the pavement and I feel alive! Like rebirth every time I do it.  I get this renewed sense of joy and happiness evades my body.  My heart pitter patters and I feel as a vampire when he sticks his veins in the neck of his victim.  Feeding, feeling the pulse of their jugular vein in the clutches of their teeth and tongue.  I am awaken! I am centered and I am alive! I hustle hard as if my life depended on it.  My frustration seems to be my motivation.  I am renewed I am alive and I am being me.

I get that being still is at times ill will for me.  And that the things I truly hate and despise are the things that I love.  That the people I have loved, infatuated over and truly loved and been in love tug at my heart still to this day.  That at times in hurting and living in past memories can fuck you up! I give my soul and all of my past lovers will always have a piece of my heart.  Rather I like it or love it.  That is the way this gypsy soul gets down.  She feels, she moves, she breathes and has her being.

The music and beat of my heart and my soul moves on plateaus of richness and always embarks and lives for the dream.  The agitation and short patience I have of the universe leaves her angst on my lips.  And it drips down my lips and laces them with hard venom.  The bite is painful and keeps me in the reality of the real world. 

But here I stand in the nude, body imperfect and life imperfect but I make that shyt work just like clockwork.  I am on my own time I later reason in my brain that fights common sense and grown folk adult mature shyt! I dance to my own drum, and for those who have something to say.  Do you and for you and move for you because at the beginning and the end of the day.  We live for what we do and no regrets do I wanna have when I leave this earth.  Death being a promise and not a threat. 

Searching and searching is what I seem to do.  I embark on the small task and let the big task take me by surprise! I truly love being and not being the defeated.  And I make it triumphantly.  My faith is like no others and my journey is complete in its own dysfunctional state.  I am me ever present and ever me.  Being me and doing me like no other.  I am sure you can feel me and understand that?

I dwell in the land of the dolls.  I dwell in the land of the living and the life that others take for granted I induce to fit and feel me. I may be a bit selfish but my heart is always in the right place.


Just Toy

Written Expressions




I sat back and watch the complexities of his being.  Playing like he is and is not caught up.  Caring and not caring at the same time.  But he says that he loves me.  And I believe him.  I know he has my back no matter what.

He perturbs me with his different angst.  And I only want to bring him pleasure of my flesh and thoughts.  I want him to feel the joy that I bring.  Yet he stands off and lets the small things of bullshyt rock his world and not the reality that he is dwelling and drowning in a deep depression.  He would like to take me with him, and I cannot swallow his life’s bitterness I have my own after taste to deal with.

I see one who uses the words I can’t. I’m not and I won’t stop him from feeling love the way I want to give it.  I am a woman, a woman at the end of the day. And all caves and coves, some of those must be kept close.  I will not be able to see what is behind curtain number three.  But I am told yes I want you and yes I need you.  But today is not the right time.  He has my heat in his hands. My frustration is his also.  

The love is so oxymoron and the vibe is so deep and true and I hear what you are saying but the fight is too hard.  And I can’t seem to get through.  So what I shall do is let our paths take some time a part and let you dwell in your own love and dark cave that you seem to wallow in.  Maybe being choked and suffocated with love will make my absence seem fonder.  Maybe it will jolt you into reality that you don’t miss a good thing till it’s gone.  The same timeline as the others that have lived in regret. 

I must awaken some form of sensibility however I will space and place myself in the atmosphere and I will have you come to me and me not come to you.  I know life’s schedule for you.  Because excitement is what you lack and want but you prefer the mundane.  Not the sexy and love lust of life.  You are boredom and boredom is you. You have many complexities and your hang ups are many.  Your conversation is laced with thrills frills and disenfranchise of the real world we live in.  If you don’t make a step than know one real. I have stepped as hard as I can.  Hadn’t been in love in a long while.  Had replaced the love I have for you and got up under other men.  And yet you know this and you still…

So this is my ode to my confused wanna be with me but I can’t cause I am drowning baby can you not see that. Rest in your love for me.  And maybe just maybe your love could bring me back. 


You know who you are….

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions



I sat and watched the stars, thought about life on Pluto and even Mars.  Thought many times of what it would be like to leave this earth and do me on another planet spectacularly! I've wondered if they judge and hate and throw shyt at you there like they do here.

Last time I checked, your life was yours and my life was mine.  And the decisions you made and mistakes you fell into were the doing of you.  And my doing because of choices.  Yet you critisize me and make me feel as if you could have don't it all so differently.

I have sat back and stared at the skies when they were pale blue and clouds fluffy and sparse floated in the sky.  Wondering what was on Gods mind.  Wondering if I could lull myself into a state so deep where it would be just me and him looking at all the souls on earth dwelling.  For me to see how other's think and feel would be the optimus!

Yet when I stand all alone from broken promises, broken hearted and emotionally mentally drenched....you judge my character.  You look at my mistakes and past lives as if I have committed some form of gencide amongst the world.  You kick me to curbs and call cabs and ACT as I am the one with more issues than you.

I have entered many hells , and have lived right at the gates.  Feeling as if life ended and began here for me.  No love, only self hate, only those bullying and picking on me.  Those telling me what I can and cannot do.  ME pushing to show you to be someone you may have never met ever in this lifetime.  I have been at the unholy gates of hell ...knocking and feeling as if I to am lost as the souls that dwell there.  

Yet my life is on display for so many...To peer..look...peep...see..and for some to pay close attention and yet those who are at the golden steps and allowed entry to see into my soul still defy me.  Still Judge me, still want to bury me.  Not feeling me I see, but that is not what you said two moons ago! My life has made half circles in the sand I will admit that.  My life has come full circle in other capacities.  My life has been up and down just as yours.  I have shared experiences just as you have shared some with me.  I have climbed up a ladder and down and at times had a fear of going up!

So I come to you not to be judged, to be handled improperly.  Or to be down troddened upon.  I come allowing you to be you and for you to allow me to be me.  Not spit on the very words I say and the life that I have lived.  Can we? Can we just walk side by side and if possible hand in hand and not cast stones from the Judgement throne!


"Just Toy"

Written Expressions


You screamed yelled at me for me to save your soul...

And I was there for you.  I waited for you.  I laid down my heart for you.  Right at your feet.  No problems.

Fortunate I thought, think, and feel when I think of you.  You are, were, my Captain Save My Soul.  Or so I thought and felt deep in the membranes of my feet.  The tips of my fingers cringed with oils of lust and love.

Maybe the dawn of the morning and the night have screamed at me.  In the distance of the silence I wait for you to come and save me.  As I saved you and you?  You didn't even know it yet,

Patience is a dear friend that sits loudly in the calm at night.  Quiet, but yelling at me.What am I to do when I am so caught up in the bowles of being spoiled by your tears and sorrows when I carry your burdens with me in silence.

You, knew, knew what to say, rub, my body,mental, words of your deeds soothed my soul.  And I recaptured deep moments in the quiet of the lite yells of love and happiness.  Silent giggles, real and fake laughter.

Where are you?  Why are you ducking and dodging?  I can not find you, see you, feel you, be near you. Is it okay? Am I okay.  Are you the friend that you claim to be?

I am the light in silence, the light in the storm, the light in the conflict.  And this is why I do not like hearing anyone scream and yell, even when there is silence.  Smiling, keeping things at a distance.  Why am I as not as fortunante as you?  Where I can walk away.


Dedicated to those who can read between the lines


"Just Toy"

Written Expressions




So they say if it is not one thing than it’s another.

And the other of another is what brings me to my knees, a pause in effect because I don’t want to feel the wreck in effect. 

I have given up on some things, and I call this feeling non and void.

A state of reality yet disconnected from the emotional feelings of others life and love.

A feeling one has not felt before; but in hopes that one day a door is open but not too soon.

So here I come upon my past, staring and standing in front of me.  I am a soldier, strong, never folding.

Latching on to the feeling of being non and void.

I don’t like this feeling it makes me feel all funny inside.

But his effect wrecks and enters my being and leaving me feeling helpless and vulnerable.

Moving forward is what I do best, not stepping backwards to pains that were embedded in my chest.

Where at night time I could hardly rest, at best I push to move forward.

And true this is why I wear a stone breast plate.  My covering I now like this way to keep the predicators at bay.

But wait, I hear his voice I have no choice, soothing…silky…calming and I dig his words of choice.

No!  No! No! Just leave it and leave him, love has never been good to you, but you have been good to it!

But the cry and repent is intense in his syllables verbs and cons tenants and I am now brewing madly at him cause he wants and needs my very best.

I feel the intensity pulling in my chest, my loins are sensitive and I am wet with desire and I shake my head at this mess. 

I shake it off, I stand up straight, I pull my head back I IGNORE the haze and daze of this…this these feelings. I am at dis-ease at the disease they call love.  Well maybe it’s not the bad but….

And then here it is again…growing….silent….hard….pushing…pulling…

The silent intensity of what this man brings to me.  And as I keep myself in check … I still swoon at get overheated when he calls me and we ride on this train wreck.. quietly just us two, no one has to know but just ME AND YOU.


Dedicated to a beautiful and wonderful muse in my life…He knows who He is ….


“Just Toy”

Written Expressions



I thought that I was only living life just for me, that all I needed and wanted would be just for me.

That what I seen and where I had been would only be just for me.

And then one day it happened and there was no longer just me, there was a precious baby that was now

apart of me. So what I had seen and where I had been and what I wanted would have to be for that baby and not just for me.

And then it happened again there was no longer just a baby and me. There was another baby and that now made three. Three of me that was a portion of me. And what I would eat, see, sleep or be would be left up to only me. That how I spoke, what I did, and what I wanted I would have to want and give to all of us three. When others came around me I could count 1-2-3 and that was the triangle that made me. All about me. How can one, just me be responsible for not one, not two but three? How can I guide and lead all three into prosperity?

I saw the seed that developed in me, took nine long months and labor of my life to get the two that now made it three that have lived, loved and resided with me. And I as I watched one, two and three grow . As my two and me that are three I was protective and leery of others around us three. If you could not do for one then you could not do for me are even all three.

My needs and wants changed drastically! And my desires I still could see for only me. But any selfish behavior that may have reared its ugly head I had to put those thoughts behind me. I had to press forward no matter how hard and be a living example to those two when adding one made three. How bad I wanted those two to have faith in me. To believe in me and love me. To know that no matter what through thick and thin that this one added to those two making three would never do anything to hurt them because they came from me. To show integrity, loyalty and being an ear that the two would be hopeful and look up to from me.

And now that the two that made three have grown into beautiful young ladies to envy. To be proud and love and shower this one with, the first one who never thought there would be three. Those two love me, my babies, my loves, my whole beings just us three. I would like to call us the three musketeers. Who in the world would have thought the selfish me could be a giving me a loving me to just us three!

Dedicated to my daughters Amber Etoy High & Genesis Autumn High

You both make me so proud !!! I love you so much it hurts please believe ME!

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions





It is time for me to take the Black Queen and do what it is I need to do with her! Make big Willy moves like President Bush did when he fuk'd up the economy! Oops did I use profane language? I apologize to you sensitive listeners but uh rah If you knew that you couldn't do me and be about me then in the end you wasn't for me, loved me or really wanted to keep me!

So it is time for a new day and a new dawn and the Queen is feeling good! Time for creation inner spirit and mind moving to the beat of her drum. Time to do her like never done before. When you ready I mean really ready I will be rolling on asteroids instead of twenty-twos, my ego is too big hold it for me.

Time to wash the old dirt and filth of past realizations that hurt and pain like a mother. To stress and work not to regress and make silly moves that are meant for rabbits silly kids. The agony of stewing in ones juices is pure agony, and it is time to take off the dark clothing, to stand tall and gaze hard to penetrate walls. To raise the bar of ones own expectations and if one can change a nation then the nation starts here.

It is time to get a life and touch this skin honey! Touch it and live life like never before. Step out and be seen regain confidence and no tolerance to the week fiends that suffocate and mandate things they have no use for. I, I am a whore for the truth! It is time to shed light dark and step into light. Let go shake it off and to Chronicles my pimping 101 which is always easy on cosmos's sunny side of the street.

It is time to take the Black Queen over there and do what she needs to do. Because time is wasting and she cannot take her time!

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions




I played hide-and-seek; hid behind trees and sat on park benches. I even placed all my important calls on hold. And I patiently waited in my WORLD.. The world of TOLERENCE... and yet it seems all I did was just WAIT..

I waited for you to catch up and jump from moon to moons just as I did. I waited and sat on Saturn realizing that you would NEVER catch up. I made a special trip back to earth and swam in a pool of denial. And then that pool turned into a pond, lake and ocean. And when I got LOST in the sea. I knew that it was time for me to make a mends with MYSELF... Your best was your best and your best was not GOOD enough!

I sipped from many glasses hoping that US two could share the same glass of want. And yet as I sipped and quenched my thirst, I was waiting for you to take a sip. I got full and you stayed on EMPTY. I thought maybe I should change my drink. I did...I offered you water, lemonade, and then I brought you top shelf champagne which you already knew was the drink of champions when celebrating. Yet and still it was a sip, a swallow, a gulp you could not handle. And yet I saw your best, and your very best was not good enough.

As I wanted to travel to SUN and shine you basked in all my GLORY and lived in a pitiful darkness and let the ENEMIES of this world SUCK you up as I waited...patiently waited in my WORLD for you to catch up.

And this is, was your BEST. My best was to progress not regress and suck from a low-life tree of the have nots. I don't keep up with the JONES I keep up with life. I married into this life knowing, the life of knowing who I am and what my purpose of life is. So my best was GOOD enough when you slipped slid and dived into my honeycomb. But lust is a beast and at least while you were FRONTING you could have continued the fake facade of jumping from a moon to another moon. But picking your teeth and running your mouth like RIVERS that are quiet in your REAL world caught up with you!

At the end of the day, YOUR best was NEVER good enough it was just good enough for you....

So my BEST keeps me MOVING, JUMPING and while you sit in the valley, I will be leaping from earth to Saturn, Mars, and then I will take a trip to Jupiter. And I am sure you will read about it..

Dedicated....Let it breathe and be me....it is what it is....


“Just Toy”

Written Expressions


I have decided that it is better to love then not be loved and that I should maybe stick to myself.

I decided that I enjoy giving love, seems odd that I would want it but restrictions and prohibitions keep the radar on low.

I have run out of gas and have passed up many stations to get a refill.

My expectations for some or so high and yet the expectations of life or even higher.  How can one drink thirty cent beer on the low and then claim that they are top shelf champaign drinkers and let alone thinkers.

I have decided that at times it is better for me to walk a fine line non-sober in fact blindfolded waiting on Jehovah return.  Because I seem to pick and nit over little bitty stupid narrow minded....shhhh....

I have decided that one and one is no longer two because when things get out of hand with family spouse's lovers and friends many come into the equation and it is no longer equal.

I have decided there are not truly a lot of friends and that I can let my enemies stay far but keep them frenemies close and watch them like a hawk.

  I decided that there will not be a day when haters sleep and the weak speak and stand for justice; it will always be the JUST US.

I have decided that I am picky and yet my standards in some range from high to low that has seemed to be my quest in my journey so far as when I look back.

Want the best so I give me some best.  But when choosing I seem to snooze and I lose some of the precious qualities for claiming a lifetime mate.

I look in my past and see stubborn a little uppity chick and I see leave me alone because no one does it better than me. 

I decided that I like to leave people wondering about me and then like a crow I pick apart the souls of men and women finding it hard to relate and be close to me.  Maybe that is just who I be

I decided that as hard as it may be I am hard to satisfy and maybe that satisfaction stems from an old world of lost past times of not ever being satisfied as a child.

I decided that gloom meets doom and doom meets gloom in a world filled of cotton candy suns and latex gloves. Hard to handle hard to hold. And that maybe this decision is catchy like the flu and a bad cold.

I decided that the wind is violent and yet is calming for me. 

I decided that drama is karma and no one is ever karma free.

I decided that loves and lost loves and things set on high and above come down to wallow with the rest of the low-lifes.

I decided that I love company but being alone is soothing behooving most when lonely does come and take a seat are even sleep next to me.

As confusing as this is to me and maybe even yet to you.

I stand by my decisions and I hope you do too!


"Just Toy"

Written Expressions



So many poets and rulers and fake addicts come to so-called reach and teach the truth the youth and duck behind fake podiums and hit crack pipes, sniff dope and hope know one ever catches them. As my girl says , “Is this thing on?” I am the poet, the healer, the lyricist and writer on the M .I. C hoping that you can eat what is on my plate and get full from the undesirable rhetoric that you see on TV and the fake headlines that you read that send mixed signals because that is what THEY do!

Sad to say that young children find it COMMON to kill each other and are now locked behind bars up and willing to do a lifetime bid with no parole because of all the filth that is MANUFACTIRED on the idiot box and what they see mommy and daddy do and how they be. No real home training and love.

Sagging and showing ones azz should be a sin. And fake reality shows that promote hoes and living BS lives gives me the hives. Am I guilty of some sins, I stand here in front of you and say that I am far from perfect. But I realize times is hard and senior citizens are committing crimes just to get by. When politicians keep coming out of the CLOSET because SATAN is a lie! And bigots eat from the trees of lies and come ups and cash that could save a nation. But are more willing to gain your vote in hopes that they can continue on and fuk up the lives that dwell on the earth.

I am mad that we continue to filter filth to the youth and say it's cool to be ignorant and run to violence and far from the science of the truth! Many mothers sale, kill and give up on their children. Mothers who shouldn't be mothers keep having these babies and abuse is their use and excuse to rebel against the many hurts that they feel, have felt and the no love syndrome they are caught up in.

Suicides abide cause those feel they are misunderstood and don't have the tools given and passed down that “this too shall pass” When needles, blunts and many little boys call girls bythces grow up to be men and share that same sentiment with nephews SUNS and daughters where wives and babies mamas think it is a word of endearment.

I am mad that exstacy and vicodin are ways of escape and a pad to a pen or reading a book is not even a thought of escape. Where rape is random from sorry men and little boys because they lack esteem and the filth of their inner being is rotten to the core. Who will reach and teach the youth as I stand behind the podium of REAL life? Who will step to the masses and put the real azzes on blast and stop playing?

I knew you were selfish from the time I met you? I was just wondering when you would take the self and leave that ish alone. I miss when were all are some of us were true to selves and we handled our business like real grown folks. And when are the men going to stop stepping out on the women and showing the sorry excuse of what master taught back in the day? I am mad!

So I here I stand, in the raw being me just me; edgy, raw and candid not really giving a damn what you think about the words I spit on paper, on page, my rage. For you see I am WW World wide and this, this right here someone will feel. I am just hoping that you will feel me too!!

Much Love!!

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions





I’m an asthmatic, (clearing throat) and I can’t breathe and need my inhaler when you come at me and speak language of negativity and not positivity.

You pollute the air I breathe when you don’t talk straight and your rhymes don’t make riddles and there is no riddle to your rhyme. 
Please someone pass me my inhaler (reaching hand out) because I am inhaling bullshyt at its finest.  Not saying I am the best, but I am a beast and at least when you step to me you can show me some damn respect.  Check!

Why oh why does not your moons beam and you suns share light? 

Why when it’s hot you bring the cold?  And why is it when I step upon the podium I am bold?

Is it not what we are imbedded to do?

Do you not come from a line of ancestors who were true to the game and seized the moment?  That danced for rain and mixed concoctions to ease physical pain?

Did you get ready for war by placing paint on your cheeks and nose?

Pass me my inhaler because when you get close there is no room for me to breathe and you are polluting my air with sour and spoiled chemicals mixed by masses that caused crashes and mental emotional pain.  Starting unnecessary wars over egos but these wars were not fought to save families and villages…they were started because you were selfish and wanted more.

Damn!  They might have to get me to the emergency room and give me a breathing treatment. 

I even see we smoke different brands of cigarettes, while you smoke non-menthol because of the harshness you bring.  I prefer menthol because I like the coolness it delivers on my breath.  Where did “we” go wrong? Where prejudice is justice and “colored people” don’t want to get along?

Where our fight is not our fight anymore.  We have included pale faces to make erases and chase us into an asthmatic comb.

Deep breath.  Now ….breathe and stop…for real and now give me what you got…

Because right now it’s going to take more that those peace natal givers to get my foot out of your azz!



“Jus Toy”

Written Expressions


I am a full grown woman, and I do mean full. It is apparent that I have GROWN to this fullness and it is also apparent that this has happened as time has ever so persistently moved forward.  And without my written knowledge or given permission ....I have had to GROW older.  And it is with this ruling that I can say as I grow into my middle age I have now begun to accept the what some call "the evil hand of time" Though I may have the heart of someone young and youthful. And I may can keep up with the best of them. Father time has placed his hand on my shoulder. 
 I can look at my roots and see the gray hairs that have dawned. The stiffness in my back, and the crooks and cracks I hear from my knees. *sighs*
As I continue to grow into MATURITY and grow into my golden years my eyes deceive me by telling me that 20/20 no longer exist.
 And though I have never been one to follow trends and trades of the fashinable years of my life because I am a trendsetter.  I now get weary of the things that the younger people are into *shaking my head*
 The things that so at one time in LIFE turn me on now turn me off.  Is this what MATURITY does for one?
I am now placed in the category of the new "30's" and hear the teases of my adult children that claim"Mommy you are getting old" Am I?*sighs*
I am all woman, beautiful and constantly told "you look good for your age" Is this now the compliments that I should look forward to?
As I have no choice to accept the fact that I will not be or have what I use to.  I must now GROW an accept this fact because I can't go back.
So I relish my youthful years.
Those taunt thighs
breast that pointed to the ceiling.
Calves that were strong and could wear stilletos proudly and look damn good!
So it is what it is,
I will look forward to being mature, wise, knowledgable and
keep Ms. Clairol in my cabinet *smiles*
Wear those 5 to 6 inches when I can.
Look good wearing my extra pair of stylish eyes.
I am a grown fully mature woman...and maybe I could never imagine the day that I would be this age
nor be the woman that my mother so graciously was at MY age.
And though I didn't get an email, text, no one tagged me on facebook, or even wrote me in a letter.
I pledge this day, I will give homage to the men and women of my fore fathers and mothers who GREW into their MARURITY and had so many look up to them for guidance. I leave the legacy .... I will leave my leagcy of what it looks like to look good "at my age"
"Just Toy"
Written Expressions


I am at times LOST in space.  Maybe YOU should feel me.
As I move from STAR to STAR. A journey that flows and create hot movement, because were living in a fast world where slow change has moved out.
I can't quote any predictions for the Dow, nor am I a sister that lives for the Wall Street directory.  
However I know that what I need will be supplied and what I want I shall get.  I change from within, attitudes and bad habits I have picked up along this life.  I do just as they say.  I am dropping bad habits.  Gaining new insight. 
I dwell in the deepest of the bottom seas in darkness where I can then think and do self-checking.
Are you still on the journey?
Are you still fast?
I cannot respond to your negativity when I have some that dwell in caves.  However I have removed boulders.
All things are possible, my faith has concluded and written in the scrolls.
Make copies of my changes on transferred paper.  Trace as I go orbiting in the depths of my soul.  As I step boldly where no man has gone before!
How do I have time to worry about what you do and how you do if I don't do me the same identical way.  
My growth is inevitable, my need to learn is ever ending. My mind is ever evolving.
Can you now FEEL me?
Are we on the same page of this ever ending road to an unseen future where death is  coming rather you are prepared are not?
However the glory that I, I right here can move and dwell in the present and in the future
is what I consider to be my life-long degree!
I have changed with the seasons, my body, my face, my hair.
My thoughts are different as they were in the beginning of my journey.  
Understand no comparisons needed to you are others that have embarked on this journey too.
Join me as time is wasting, don't you take your time.  Keep on moving, 
I love the change, I blend in with the sun.  I rest like the moon.
Storm of change, fast times are coming slow change is moving out.
Are you with me? 
Are you seeing what and who you are?
Ever ending isn't it?

Dedicated to those who move forward. move toward changes inside of you.  Growing and receiving.  Much love to you all from a woman;writer that evolves and takes care of her inner being.... I support your change...

"Just Toy"

Written Expressions



I vegetate, just for a moment so that mortal, real mortals can relate.
I bring the wonder that you are,
the light that you shine,
The instrument of song.
Because that is how I see just YOU.
In the night when it is your HAPPY Feelings that exude as the air is cold.
Mmph I relish in your light.
The truths that you speak like roaring waters and fires that burn deep.
Your emotion of life and love evoke waves and waves and wonderful exuberant joy!
I smell nothing but joy! And it reeks from your pores.
I dwell in the same planet, that oxygen, those vapors.
Yes I caught them!
You bring to me the mere existence of what is now, yesterday and today.
How could I not be overcome by that?
Your passion of life and the positive excitement you bring make me feel 
chilled, relaxed, snowstorms that warm by moonbeams.
How can one be so real and so surreal at the same time.
Your hurricane spins around foreign moons and cascades down steeps so great 
and true.
The satisfaction that comes in a variety of colors, bright, warm and hot.
I like your vibe, when I see you I am blessed to be in your presence.  I am 
worthy to admire the verb age you bring along with wisdom like tornadoes riding
on stormy seas.  And epiphany of royal pleasures.
I bask in the wonder and beauty that you are.
I have enjoyed the fact that we have ran, met, walked, new and old.
Your acquaintance is my pleasure.  And I appreciate the you, the wonderful you,
the sensitive deep thinking get it down you.  The glorious and unique you.
Awwww I leave this pad in awe.  
Blessings as your suns rise and moon sets. 
I bask in your life light.

Dedicated to all of you who read my work!! As if I cannot thank every individual personally.  I appreciate your support!

"Just Toy"
Written expressions

(this is not a poem, self-teaching)

I wanted to dig deep if only for a moment.  Being grateful that I too have a voice.  
And understanding that those with voices do not always get heard.  And those who have the "world" it seems at their feet do not use
their voices.  Ironic how it works that way.  Is it that we choose to make a difference or that we always have something to SAY?

I woke up ready to write and BREATHE this morning.  I had an epiphany.  And this time I come not as a character I have thought of
I come not as a person bringing as some say "Psycho babble"  But I come bringing and showing light of myself.  How many writers do 
you know that will speak of themselves?  Openly?  Candid and Raw?  I lay my burdens down right now on this computer and in front
of this monitor.

I come in peace as I speak on the AWAKENING.  I felt this was deep because so many of us have an awakening of some sort throughout
various times in this school called life.  And we cannot get perturbed when WE see what others don't see.  And at times 
how we want to shake a person(s) to WAAAAAAKE UP! It is not that easy.  What may be easy and full of light for you to see may not 
be the same for others.  Some choose to walk in darkness never ever seeing the light.  And it is right there!
My mother told me "You are working on your PHD until you die.  You get that final degree when your tombstone is laid to rest 
on your grave."  I thought that was very real and forthright.  And unfortunate some only live a very short time and do not have the
chance to experience high school, junior college, community college, grad school or a university.  Uni means one.  And a lot of us
in this life do not understand the true meaning of 
ones" self.  I made lighthearted jokes in regards to a family member of mines stating, "If you were born in the era of late 60's
or 70's you would have been a revolutionary" aren't we all?  Not in regard to always speaking on the turmoils of politics and the 
world system.  But where we radically believe wholly in what we say and do and how we live.  Funny there is a strong opportunity 
for all of us to be proactive in something, isn't it?  Parenting, teaching, counseling,encouraging someone.  
We ALL can be proactive! Pro-In favor of, are you not for something stand for something?  We just may not have the same podium as others
do but WE ALL are are in favor of something.

Funny how an AWAKENING can come and show LIGHT to us in various ways.  Death being one of them, if I have not seen it once and I have
seen it a thousand times.  A close friend or family member dies and ALL of a sudden a LIGHT comes on and give you a brand new idea.
Like it has never done before.  And YOU decide to CHANGE.  Aha! And someCHANGE for a few days and go right back.  Is it enough that
some seem to choose the harder life and others seem to walk a straight and narrow better than you?  And we in our hearts hold malice
and hate because they are doing something we FEEL we can't do?  Not TRUE!CHOICES!

I had my awakening this morning not being emotional about it at all but speaking truth and clarity from my spirit. I am one all the
time and it seems right now my UNI is all PRO! I will never in this lifetime be without a blemish.  My skin will not be flawless
and perfect.  Many have used the word PERFECT and so many of us have tried so hard to attain that perfect.  I am one of them.
I am me and all of me I am UNIfied in this concept right now as I write. Smile, teeth, weight, height, personality, thoughts, 
body, hair.  It is all me.  I am uni, one heart, one soul, one mind, one creation amongst many but I am still one.

I have as this moment really let go.  No longer will any substance con troll my life! break down, 
so many on drugs and 
alcohol.  And do damage to themselves not wanting to go into the knowledge but still knowing that they are hurting 
themselves.  They knew the validity of harm before they got the habit, the crutch, the lie that it is detrimental. Are not all we 
have is OURSELVES?  Is there a back up body or person that walks talk and looks and feels thinks exactly like you?  I think not!!!

I have had an awakening today.  That the sins that were brought down from generation of hurts and pains will not be mine to carry.
There will be no SUBSTANCE to fuel that fire! Food will not be a crutch to heal old inside wounds.  Have we not seen the overweight
and obese!  Have we seen those who starve themselves to look PERFECT? Have we seen those and been around those who stay in harmful
relationships?  Have we not seen those who have been raped of their childhood? Abuse physically, sexually and emotionally?
Can we take control of our UNI? My spirit says YES! I will not give standing ovations to the crimes that were committed to
myself, I will not walk around giving power over to the old hurts and pains.  I can't, I'm not and I will not! 
Though I may be an oxymoron person me being an artist of life.  Can one live two lives and not get caught? "Either you are hot or cold;
if you are lukewarm I will spue you out of my mouth." "Can a man serve two masters?" I think not.  Where is the uni? 
Where are you?  "I give you the power of life and death" 

I am awakened today friends.  I am up full of me and the universe and that universe is me.  It will be a fight with thoughts and then
my flesh will rise up.  But I take on that fight today! I plea that I shall not walk in the dark and I can only 
preach to one, first it is me.  If those choose to take heed and I reach one in a million than I have done my job.
I may not have the podium as others do, and those who have had that podium have done good and bad with it.There second master soon
shows up for some, they are really not unified with self.  Lies and treachery show their faces and come in roaring like a lion
and WE seem to be disappointed.  We shouldn't be.  I have accepted that I will continue to say and make mistakes, aha I am 
not perfect! But I am awakened! 

What is past is past what can you do today?!There is no unity today in the world and there will never be.  All are not unified with 
their selves and no one else! There will always be the ignorant, lying, bigots, prejudice and defile people in this world.  If we all
were crooks we would all be unified; if we all loved then we would be unified.  How can you have world peace when there are
some people who like to shake it up and cause destruction?  Is that unifies all together on one accord.  Have not religions been made
because we sort of kind of believe what you believe but in a different way?  How many types of Jews do we have?  How many sectors
do we have under Catholicism?  And how many do we have in the Muslim religion?  Why are there Baptist? Christians?  Why are we not
all unified? 

I cannot awaken your spirit like you can.  Sometimes it takes the drug addict the alcoholic the abused to go THROUGH that in order
to bring others the truth.  We live be examples and learned behavior.  Rather you see it, talk about it, live in it or watch TV.
Reading, Billboards, Internet so many things fashion to us to show us what it is and what we should wear and look like! 
It is hard to not have some sort of example, is it not? Are you awakened YET?  Are you not groomed by what you live, breathe, 
consume and see? Some of us have to go through fire so that we can be a LIGHT to help some other unfortunate SPIRIT to give it 
some unification.  Even though we know! Hurts and pains can reshape our very existence and are meant to do that!  It is
your Awakening unless you just plan to sit there and not react to the action that just happened! 

I am up you WAKE and at them with pure knowledge of self brings.  So what I did not have a good life all the time. So
what, so what, so what! I am AWAKENED today to be better at what I do and can do.  No woes of not being or giving the PERFECT 
parent, sister, child, friend, cousin or in law.  But I am on the journey to serve ONE, and not to serve the OTHERS. To be all of me the
best of me and notice the good and bad in me.  Because at the end of the day you see I will only have one master and I have to know
that my body my mind is my TEMPLE.  I am unified and will continue to grow, laugh, love as best as I can, I am AWAKENED
to not dwell on what I cannot change in a twitch of my nose like Samantha from Bewitch, I have no I Dream of Jeannie skills?  NO 
magic lantern or bottle I can rub and HE/SHE will appear! And because we all are not unified could you imagine a genie in the wrong 
hands?  And if we were all UNIFIED could you imagine a genie for those people?  Nothing but riches, love and one-ness. If we all 
could be AWAKENED and take care of ones self, spiritually, wholly we all could be one.  And even though I may not agree with things
people do or say. I will say that all will be judged in according, by their works of how they were one with themselves.  Their AWAKENING comes, it comes for all of us in LIFE.  Something happens and then we_________.  But at the end of the day it is 
hard to be the one who does the right thing.  How we treat others and how we treatOURSELVES. It is growth in good and bad ways'  
But I am grateful that I am AWAKENED today, praising for the good and the bad.  Focusing on each moment in life I can 
be grateful and grow and not be oppressed, depressed and suppressed with all the worries of ancestors, politics,the world.
I am AWAKENED that every time I help someone, plant a seed that it grows and my life is a testimony of great and wonderful 
trials, tribulations and pain.  That me being UNI will allow me to teach and reach one at a time as well as reach myself
that the knowledge of self, of me, of one, my uni.  Will reach those it needs to.  That my reactions to the actions are also apart
of this universe.  

I pray that you all are AWAKENED in spirit and in truth.

"Just Toy"
Written Expressions


My storm may not be your storm,
It may not rain and thunder OVER there like it does here.
My sunshine may not beam as hard as yours.  
And my sunshine may be brighter than yours.
My name may have a different meaning than what you think it may mean.
I may have unspeakable treasures to share from the depth of my soul.
You may have dreams that are bigger than St. Louis.
And you may have riches untold.
My Hurricane may come quiet and still in the night, no forecast or weather 
functioning to give you some insight.
I may run to trouble, and you may hide.
I may bring the pain and you shake your head and sigh.
I may and may not be happy to give you the truth,
But the storms I bring can be weathered by the realness I bring.
What may be hard for you could be easy for me.
And what may be easy for you may be hard for me.
I was not one to study science or chemistry.
But I know the depth and courage it takes for one
to bring real science to the verbiage ring.
I have been called many things in this life time, and you may have called me some
things that may or may not have been true.
But realness is evident in powerful in the truth I bring.
Some pray to the gods for insight and happiness, humph I just look deep
from what's within.
I may not be a lot of things, but I can share life and the many toils and treasures that it does bring.
See I could and could not be a tornado on the scene. But because you are blinded
you will never ever see the truth in the midst of the destruction I bring.
So when it rains over here in my scene, it just may be the sun 
is rising on your scene.  
And it does not mean I do not see the truth that is inevitable and what you have foreseen.
It just means there is a time and a place for everything.
If you can read through the lines in this poetry I bring. Humph, that just simply
means that you are as wise as the Egyptians that built those beautiful pyramids we see.
For it rains on Jupiter and hails on Saturn.  And on Mars it is hot
as HELL.
But when you open your EYES and LITERALLY see the truth.
Then and only then you are where I am at,
because it could very well be raining, thundering, sun shining setting and bringing
us joy and pain,
And on that note I will end my soliloquy and tell you that in this lifetime 
I may not hold the keys to all the mysteries.
But I am not ignorant to the truth.
I just came into this world to spit some wisdom and preach a little to the youth!

"Just Toy"
Written Expressions

But I am not ignorant to the truth.
I just came into this world to spit some wisdom and preach a little to the youth!



I have lived and let lived and yet I have wanted to change the way I lived.

I have lived and not lived and then gotten angry

Because the life I was living was not the life I wanted.

I have lived and done things that maybe some may have envied.

And yet the way I have lived has brought shame on others.

The way I wanted to live and others to live has not always come to flourish in

Because I have learned that what you want for others may not be what they want for themselves.

So I can’t live my life the way others live theirs.  And I can’t live my life they way another person may want me to.

I prided myself on the type of life where I could be three places at one time. I could walk through my brain and talk from my mind.  I could live in the past and would never lack behind.

And yet I have felt I have lived a life of some other lifetime. Like the overwhelming sadness came from someone else and their lifetime.  Like I am living two lives and not the life that is mine. 

I seem to anger and fluster the people close to me when I live the life that I want to be mine. That being me or doing me and wanting to be me is the wrong thing to do and it is not the right time.

Like many artist and geniuses that were born before their time. They have lived the type of life I wanted and it was not mine.

I feel I carried the burdens of sisters and brothers before my time. Life hurt and anger I have lived and that should not have been the life that I lived.

I have lived and been so many things, places, people and still yet I have not lived always lived. 

Of course I live! I breathe, I see, I write and so forth and so on trying to live me the undeniable me. I can live the way you want me to live, be a puppet, be passive but then I wouldn’t be me.  I would live your dream your robot and I would not be happy with me.

I would love to live the life of being carefree! Going from place to place and not having tons of responsibility.  No expectations from those around me and no one would expect nothing from me.  I would live!!!  Live happy and free and the smile that I have would unmistakably be me!

I seem to live through me thoughts loves and fantasies. I seem to live in my dreams and desires and the people I have created from me.  I live for the simple and yet complex things.  Funny I have to live a life that still has to have a plan.

If I want to have good things happen I have to sew good seeds.  If I live a life of recklessness then that too would not be the good life for me. 

But the way I live, or shall I say want to live would be complex and oxymoron to most.

So I guess to a certain extent I gotta live the way others want me to live. 

I don’t need rules in my life to live.  But there are rules,

I know how to live!! Live life and be me.  Not everyday will be smooth and joyous that is not life.  I just want to live the life that was created for me to live. To be creative and not be saddened because I am not living the life other people want me to live. 

Why is my life making you insecure where you feel rejected?

If I don’t live and let me live I will live the life of the miserable, lonely depressed and hectic.

End the end I guess what I am truly saying, I just want to live and let live and live the life I want to live. Because all I have is one life to live!


“Just Toy”

Written Expressions









There may be some things I will never understand.

And most times on the outside looking from the outside

I may just never understand.

How a man or wo-man can just kill a man.

No justification.

No real reason.

Nerves are shot or just pure evil.

What is the full purpose or intent?

There are just some things I may never understand.


I may never understand how a man or wo-man

Can get rid of their own child and not even care.

No love, no compassion, no depth for bloodline.

This is one thing I may never understand.


I may not understand how a man or wo-man

Can hit their loved one out of frustration, jealousy or anger

And just not walk away.

How do you hurt the person you love?

I may never understand.


How does one watch one be abused in the street?

Or hear a cry for mercy and not call the police?

How?  Tell me how?

May be there are just some things I don’t understand.


How does a man or wo-man commit to a marriage for life or til death do them part.

And yet a man or wo-man may reply, “They knew how I was from the start”

And both are unfaithful and don’t know the meaning of cherish.

Here is again something I just may never understand.


How family and very close friends say they are there for you and love you until the very end.

And in time of need show you their back.

Feelings hurt and YOU just can’t understand.

Maybe together you will join me in saying.

“There are just some things I will never understand”



“Just Toy”

Written Expressions









I don't get  don’t IT


And I may not have IT

And a lot of people will do anything to get IT

If you have IT

Than you should not be stingy with IT

But are you doing any and everything to get IT?

Are you selling your soul to get IT?

So whose is IT?

What is IT?

And why is IT?

Do you live for IT?

Do you base your life on IT?

Some people cry over IT

When they don’t get IT

There are some people that just don’t get IT

Having a hard time to get IT

Get depressed over IT

And some people feel they have IT

Some people have IT

A lot of people will get IT

Some people take IT

I just like to step to IT

Are you afraid of IT?

What can you really do with IT?

Are you scared of IT?

Are do you sit back and take advantage of IT?

Well are you addicted to IT?

Can you live without IT?

Some of us know how to get to IT?

While other’s run to IT

I will stick to IT

But I will not get lost in IT

And I am who I am rather or not I have IT

And that is all I have to say about IT!!!



“Just Toy”

Written Expressions










Let’s break it down…for real for real. Running, leaping, jumping, race, hustle, dart, sprint, skedaddle, spurt, skitter, tumble, flux, glide, whirl, whiz, pass, travel, bound, bustle, fleet or fly.


In and out, out are in.  What did you expect?  What is it really that you wanted?  The sun and the moon to determine night and day because that is how the creator made it to so.  So I have no complaint as to which that rolls in and out, do you?  Should you?


Maybe it is or it was the past that you still dwell in.  Maybe you live on Jupiter and I play on Mars.  See that right there says a lot!  I mean look at it this way, we were raised differently and live and grew up entirely different.  I mean I am seriously trying to find an out for you at this point and time.


I do shoes!! Yes I truly do!  I take my feet in and out of shoes and run in and out of stores to do me! I surely do, but there will simply be no running in and out.


I mean I like what you do and how you say and do some of the things that you do and only you can do so well because it is the out that I have grown to enjoy. Beautiful. However that past of yours is living in your present and creating a difficult future for me, and there will be no running in and out!



I run in and out of time sometimes, because sometimes there is just not enough time to do all the things in one day that I need to do, time is for sure not on a lot of our sides. You think? The only thing that comes and goes in my life is time, time that I can’t get back. So why waste time doing something that would make me angry, peeved, perturbed or very angry? Doesn’t make sense! Hmmm now that is a word I would like to investigate; ability, aura, faculty, common sense, feeling, sagacity, reasoning.  And doll you’re lacking.  I say come on out of those 50’s but you’re saying late 70’s I concur, I highly disagree! Because you cannot-tttt going to keep running in and out!


Oh the joy of treating people the way you want and a lot of people saying it’s okay.  Wow is my response because how does one let someone come and go in and out of their lives and treat them like doormats? Like their feelings don’t exist? Like I will come and see you talk to you and be with you when I am ready!  I can’t be mad at that, why should I?  How could I? Why would I? But here…over here….right here…this here…not there but here…there will be no running in and out.  Now I have been nice true to me and gave you respect, gave a lot of excuses for you to you because you do you how you would do you with anyone who allows you to do you when you do what you do. So let us say it together because it sounds great when we are on one accord.  You ready? 1-2-3 “There will be no running in and out!”



“Just Toy”

Written Expressions



Dedicated to my ladies…. Should you let those men run in and out? Much love stay beautiful and love self!








Let me reach into my bag of trix

For you nix

Cuzz I know you need a fix.

And not always hollering at these hicks

 I inclusively puts you in the mix.

So throw your lighters up, I mean your bics.

And feel free to kick back in my ole skool classic re-mix

Selector come back rewind! I see a crowd of superficial chicks.

I have tootsie roll suckers in my bag of trix

How many licks does it take for dimwits to get the hint?

I don’t spit poetry rhyme and reason just for kicks

or metaphors for silly word hoar’s. snap, click, pose jailhouse pics.

So like Felix the cat I do attack looking and feeling in the bottom of my bag pulling out the number six.

Getting ready to beat them over the head with my Just Toy stick.



“Just Toy”

Written Expressions







Never once in this lifetime have I compared myself to Jesus; because he is my leader and indeed I am his follower.

But I sense some weak links amongst you; some wanna be think they got it going on players. 

Rather that be in the industry, business world, or rather what you spit think and feel is hood.

I see that you are indeed ankle biters and again you are also misunderstood.

I am not a follower, but set my own trend. Walk the way I walk cause Toy High is comfortable in her own skin.

I seen the darts thrown at my pages, I seen the eyes roll because my personality and sweet talk is contagious.  I never said I was Jesus but in the words of the apostle it has been said that “you are a peculiar people” and guess what?  I thrive and wallow in that.

Some philosophers say “if they talked about Jesus they will talk about you” and I say come on and do all those negative things that you do.

I see that your hand is up, and it looks as if you may have a question or two. I love the inquisitive side of you.

I say we all are disciples looking for the truth.

I say the truth is in us but we fail to dwell in it.

Never compared myself to God the true creator, I just expressed that I was made in his image.  And that when you look at me you see him

Never once told you I was perfect, but I see that you are jaded that I ask to be perfected and that I am a royal priesthood.

Some of you don’t understand the method to my madness it may all be a pure mystery. And for some of you disbelievers I have no room to explain myself to thee.

You scream that you are open and want to hear the truth. But when manifested you run, yell and hide from the truth

I can see how I may intimidate you with my words. But this may be because you have small minds and cannot move any further than a few inches from where and how you stand.

I never claimed I was God or Jesus.

But I also never said I was not a prophet. Bringing you wisdom and love at its finest. Here to teach the men and women of my day how to be free and love and each one teach one.  To give from my heart be perfected in HIS sight.

Not once did I claim to be the messiah and I will never be.  But all I am saying is that I am blessed to be a child of the most high. A creative and wonderfully made entity.

And for those of you who hate on me, I encourage you and hope that it soon brings you wealth.

Because faith is dead without works, and it will take a lot for you to make money off of your hate and tearing down of wrongful strongholds that are apparently moving ungracefully in your life.

I never said that I was God.

But greater is he that is within me than he that is in the world. And that whatever I set my hands to indeed will prosper. So I am free indeed, free to be me, free to love and enjoy the God giving talent that resides in me.

So like Lucifer who felt he was above and beyond God with arrogance and cocky behavior, some of you feel this same way of others and some of me. I just boast in the most high because he says that I can.

Would one rather live in hell or heaven?
So walk with me, talk to me and enjoy the magnificent golden road that true words manifest.

Again I didn’t say I was the Messiah, God or anything like that. But who is to say that I am not a true apostle to come here and teach some of you the way????


“Just Toy”

Written Expressions





If it isa lust of flesh or a lust of the mind.

I keep the reels of ones desires turning intricately into battles and fights; warfare of adult content

Too much content to mention that one can long for the possibilities that carries from the meeting of the minds.


Extracting what is needed to make ones world evolve into a bowl of Jell-O overlapping delicately in my lap.

I am a conquer who gets off more than Cleopatra when she enticed Mark Antony and Caesar at best.

Words, visions and remarkable feats of pure pleasure arise and make one think of what one is missing.  A puzzle piece.

Could this be the lonely you feel? The excitement that is left in your lap as you drool when you hear my voice.  When I walk away your dreams are candy-coated and of the wonderful joys that summer and spring bring.

Redundancy has you placated in a series of disheveled matters. 







It is hopeless, your body calls to you while your mind and heart embark…

Embark on a journey of satisfaction of you being alone.

I dare to tempt you with my wiles which are different from the women you have encountered before.


This …this right here is an art..

This is an art of seduction.

Your seduction.


I can have you,

You can have me.  There is always a price that one must pay. You pay it with your attraction and loyalty to me ;

mind body and spirit.


This journey I have started with you is for the weak of heart, the lonely, the ones who need to be uplifted and I find a weak spot. There is always a weak spot.  There is always a place to jump and rest.


I am your seducer I am your deep calling.  I am what you have dreamt of prayed for and longed for.  Now that I have you, I will and I shall call you my dutiful slave. 


Your chariot awaits you for a destiny you can no longer run from….








She was in fact I sight to behold. I had been watching her for weeks now. So many men talked of her; and the women of how scandalous she was.  About the debauchery life she led.  A life I knew that I could not live nor had the courage to live.  However I was drawn to her like pollen to spring. Her reputation followed her, and yet there were things about her that astounded me and took me off guard and made me see something erotically and wonderfully brilliant about her. She so enjoyed the attention she received from men and women, it was like she was a huge celebrity an icon of sorts.


She made the strongest men fall to their knees and if she left them hurt and in pain emotionally.  They praised the fact that they had known her and were in her physical presence, how odd I thought that any man or woman for that matter would be that hard up to inflict such a mental or emotional pain in their lives.


Her charm, her knowledge and magnificent passion play for words lured you in.  Her raw character and the inner strength she possessed were electrifying and pulled and sucked you in like some sort of vacuum. My order was to watch from afar and yet close; to learn and to be taught timely and ruled seduction of a mistress and her enslaved servants.


Women now no longer live in centuries past where one is taught to be seen and not heard.  Or even seen at a specific time; now CEO’s, running successful businesses, open with their sexuality and their preference in life.  It is now a new wave millennium that has women on an adventure of travel, words, fashion, music, literature, and the new age mom.   However to do this, be this, act this and live this one must have a plan of intricate mind blowing strategy that will capture and also hold the attention of the person(s) one comes across.  However what I had began to notice was there really seemed to be no plan when it came to her.  This was like second nature to her and she was smooth with her walk, talk, and drew looks and attention from those who loathed the ground she walked upon.


She melted the hearts of many with her smile grace and elegance.  Many wanted to be in her presence to listen to the knowledge she dropped.  Or just to hear her elegant voice that seduced your ears.  She was the epitome of class and sophistication and well versed on how to make you feel good about you so that you could give her what she wanted and needed from you.  She had that appeal so many wished they had.  And her seduction was not for everyone who saw her or was even around her.  It was for those who she wanted to have caught up in her web.


I was witness to how men craved her mere essence, and how two or more would be in her presence and vied for her attention, like two knights dueling.  I have seen her place three and more men around her that were lovers from present and old and watched as she flirted talked calmed each one of them down; charmed them all to no end and made sure there were no disruptions in her night.  Because at the end of the night she would choose whom she would be with; and that did not always mean sleeping in her bed or even her sleeping in yours.


I hated the way she talked to people at times, as if they were beneath her.  However some seemed to like being talked to and talked at.  They all kept coming back!


I loved how she made every opportunity an opportunity to make herself known in areas and spaces where no one would have gave her or what she did the time of day.  And you may have not been interested in what she did for a living, but you were deeply caught up in a rapture when she started to speak as if she was an angel.  Taking flights, off into the night astounded by her.


I loved to hate her, I thought to myself.  And on the other hand I hated to love her.


“Just Toy”

Written Expressions



He is something to look at, to listen, and to be around his infallible aura.

He walks with confidence a grand and regal air.

The way he projects his legs with each and every step he takes.

His grandeur attitude, he reeks royalty and I can smell it from afar off.


His sweat is sticky and tasty, like honey and oil and the two believe me mix very well. He soothes with his mellow dramatics.  And he is bewitching and beguiling.  When he casts a spell no one is able to escape it, he has the power to leave behind with you wanting for more and more.


Butterflies quiver, hearts beat faster and pound in your ribcage. How can something cause so many emotions?  Are they emotions of discord? Are they emotions of lust?  Are they emotions of feelings on the brink caught up in a rapture trying hard not to come down? Is it clouds that you are in when he steps in and out?


I love it when he lies down with me, I am human, and I am of mere mortal flesh. In my daydreams and my night dreams he haunts me something awesome. I am weak, and when he leaves I am even weaker.


Sometimes my hands are tied behind my back, and I am blindfolded to the unexpected.  Why me? Why now? Why can I not place this feeling on back burner?


I grit my teeth close my eyes and I take stance and say out loud, “You will not take me alive!” In his voice so rare, deep and beautifully sweet.  He whispers in my ear, “You want me and yearn for me you know that you do.” And I get chills all over my body and I have been spun in his hunger.  He posses me as I give into him.


I want him, fancy and fascinate about him with a fervent hunger.  His passion washes and bathes me in frenzy. I have this strong predilection for him and he grins with a fondness because he knows I have a hard crush on him that I cannot deny.  At times these feelings are placid and at times they are fire!


I call him DESIRE!



“Just Toy”

Written Expressions






Can I get sum?? I’m just saying…Sum one who is not trying to be all in the hype of M_A_C and talk with sum quote unquote common sense. Have sum depth, maybe cry here and there and deepness, and sum intellect?


Can a sista get sum??

I’m just saying….

Maybe sum one who can cross a T and dot an I. Who’s verbal flow is not all that of ebonics and slang and sum crazy drawl of lingo sista don’t understand.


Can I get sum with sum real and true swagger, cocky is cool.  Arrogance is played out.  Fake is dead. Realism speaks volumes and I feel the woozy in my head. 


Uhhh can I get sum of that?


Can it cum straight from the hip?  No fiascos or embellished rumors for my senses.  Can he not be parsimonious and masticate on the true spit and knowledge I bring??


Can a sista get sum of that fall back, wait, chill and be cool.  No rushing, poised and confident. 


Can a sista get sum where you can think of me sum times and not only of yourself and I have to hear you whine and whine? 


Can I get sum where we copasetic and you do you and I do me and we can earnestly and honestly respect the number one G in you and me?


Maybe they call it wishful thinking, or maybe it’s too hard for sum.  But if you can’t be on akt rite like dre says, then a sista don’t won’t none!!!



Holla back!!


“Just Toy”

Written Expressions




 Let me introduce myself to you, my name is Mediator Mental Smarts. And I had decided to have a meeting with a few of my counterparts today. A meeting of the minds I shall say, I decided that a roundtable was in order.  I knew before I set this meeting up it was going to be something huge and of mass proportions.  That it would be also a bias one. Everyone was going to personally speak on experience and also push their point across.  This is how it all began;


“Good afternoon, I am excited and nervous all at the same time in having you all here today. All that I ask is that we all respect each other’s opinion as well as when someone is talking that we all not be rude with snide remarks or comments.  And not interrupt that person while they speak. So I will start off by asking each of you who you are and what you feel you represent.  I will start off with Truth.  Please give me some background on yourself and give me an image and the rest of the group here your stance on truth.”  She Nodded her head yes, cleared her throat, sat up straight.  She was bold and confident I could see it and feel it in her demeanor.


“I represent so much I really do not know where to start.  First I would like to say that I represent integrity, accuracy, honesty and truism.  I love the isms that explain me (she snickered) I am for what is right, boldly coming forth like light, like a beautiful ray of sunshine.  Most people that find out about me love and hate me at the same time.  I am sort of what I consider an oxymoron.”


“Why do you feel that way?”

“Well for one many many people for centuries have sought me out and have found out a lot of wonderful things. Also some people have found me and had revelations through music, history, culture, science and wisdom.  So many things! And they have been exceedingly happy of the truths they have learned and found out.  They have grown.  I have changed their thinking and some of their bad habits even.  How great is that?  I mean really a lot of people cannot say how much of a great impact I have had on the world.  And I have been around for centuries!  And then there is the hate, some people learn the truth and are hurt behind it.  I hate that part, but it is better to know the truth than not to know at all and be blinded by lies.  I really don’t care for her, Lies.  She is so deceitful and mean.  I am glad that you didn’t invite her here today.  She is such an arrogant pain.”


“Now now, let’s stick to the subject.”  She nodded yes and smiled.


“You’re right.  Well I have been in the area of breaking up homes, marriages, friendships, business’ and so much more because of those who were being deceived and lied to.  You know I love hearing; the truth shall set you free! I love hearing my name in so many phrases because of the positivity I bring.  My goal in life is not to hurt anyone that is the last thing I want to do.  But for me I bring justice, verisimilitude, precision, perfection, facts and certainty.  You cannot run or hide from the truth.  Truth always prevails!  And that is me, I am Truth!  And I love who I am and what I represent.  Thank you.”


“Thank you for sharing Truth.  Let me move on to Pain.  How are you today?”


“I am feeling down, I am in Pain as we speak.  But that is who I am and what I represent.  I was given this platter to serve it up in so many many ways.”

“Do you like who you are?”


“Well yes, because without me, Pain you would not grow and feel a lot of things   I derive in so many areas.  Physical pain, mental pain, emotional pain, see I feel when you go through pain it builds character and strength, courage and perseverance.  Athletes have to go through pain to be the perfect athlete.  When you go through pain from a relationship rather that be friends, marriages or family you learn a lot! You know what and what not to do. At times Truth and I are closer than she may think we are when someone finds out the truth and are caused pain by it. See me Pain… I remind you of what you have been through.  And when you get physical pain, well I am just there to remind you of what happened.  You fall, I remind you of that.  You eventually heal from that pain but you never forget about me.  I am torment, I am laborious, I cause suffering; I Pain am a huge part of life.  And without me I feel you cannot grow or learn from me.  If you are wise, you will listen to me when you are caused emotional or mental pain to never go there again.  However, a lot of people continue to do the same dumb things over and over and love me! Some people take me in vain and love causing pain to others. Some people really get off on pain.  It is a wonderful thing to be tortured, and be done cruel to. I have been around for centuries as well!”  And then Pain grabbed a bottle of aspirin because he was having a headache.


“Thank you Pain for sharing with us.  Now I will move onto you.  Trust, we here you spoken of a lot as well!  I mean we all speak of you as much as we speak on Pain and Truth. So please tell us what you bring to the table and who you are and what you represent.” I could tell Trust was just as bold and airy as Truth.  But I could also see pain in the back of her eyes and hurt.  Hurt is her twin brother. They were fraternal twins.  As Truth was her big sister.  They shared and had a lot in common.


“Well as you all already know Truth and I are related, she is my older sister.  Though she is the oldest I too have been around for ages and centuries as well.  I will start the same way, or similar to the way my sister did.  I too am integrity, surety and confidence. People value me wholly.  I am many things, safekeeping, care, you would want to Trust the person caring for your children or you loved ones if anything happened to them.  Maybe they were ill or they were in the hospital.  You value me, and the funny thing about me a lot of people use me so much and not even really know it.  And completely fall into it and not pay attention.  We trust so quickly unaware, people trust their money in the banks, credit cards; now with the internet they trust people with their credit card and debit info, bus drivers, train drivers.  I mean the list goes on.”


“Okay I must say that I agree with you 100% Trust, We as people do have trust in a lot of things and people.”


“Yes I am like a noun. Person, place or thing. I am in marriages, families and friendships.  And the sad part about it is when you break the trust of someone, a company, spouse, friend, bank, community leader.  It is hard to regain that back.  You have a really hard time trusting that person again.  I am honesty at its purest form.  And when you feel good about a job, relationship and your business I am at the forefront of that.  I love me, Trust.”


“Thank you very much Trust we appreciate your input.”


“Thank you.”


“We have Emotional here with us today, and I must say she is always all over the place.  And I am sure that may get a little weary for you at times.”


“Yes it does, but I make no excuses of who I am. It is what it is. I am temperamental, effusive, demonstrative and sentimental. And I infuse so many emotions that I get people to do good and bad things. I ensue feelings, hysterics, tenderness, thrilling moment’s impulsiveness fervent and zealousness’!!”


“That is a lot for one person to do don’t you think? And also a heavy responsibility.”


“It is.  Of course I like both sides of me and what I bring.”




“Unlike Trust and Truth.  The negative effects of who I am don’t bother me one bit. I have a lot in common with Pain.  He loves all of whom he is, as I do.  I love when I invoke emotions of rude and wild behavior due to your emotions.  When people feel good about who they are or hate who they are.  Really doesn’t matter to me.”

“Is that a cop out because you really don’t want to accept who you are?”


“You can’t have hot if you don’t have cold.  If there was just hot how would you know there was anything such as cold?”


“I must agree with you”

“Of course you must.  I am the head Queen Bee in charge of evvvveeerrryyything!!!! Seriously because I have more control than Trust, Truth and your other guest in the group Pain.  See they come from me evolve from me.  Simple.  They are all one sided while I am not.  I can cause a man to get angry and kill his wife. I can cause a man to fall in love so hard that he would do anything to prove his love.  I cannot ever hate me, never in this lifetime.  I am many things you see.”


“You are very cocky and confident I see.”


“Very, conceited and all those wonderful adjectives you can think of I am.  I put your entire guest to shame because none of them can do what I do. Hate is bitter all the time, Truth has some confidence and so does Trust.  But none like mine! Pain is one sided as well, he is close to Hate. Matter of fact heeeey they are brothers!!!! See they work very close together when you Hate you create Pain, and when there is Pain you Hate the Pain.”

“I never thought of it that way.  And no one here was disputing the fact that Pain and Hate were not brothers.”


“I also didn’t imply that you are anyone was. I am happy being me.  Just like you Mediator, I love you.  This is what you do; you love these group discussions you enjoy getting people together and settle things and smooth it out.  Does it always work?”


“Weeelll, not all the time.”


“Because emotions get in the way all the time.”


“ Yes they do. Well let’s move on.”

“Yes. Let’s”


“So Hate tell me about yourself and why and whom you are? What is your motivation?”


“Well for one people do not know about me is that my patience is very short.  I don’t have any at all! And that is what makes me get in the heart of other people and influence them in so many ways and that gets a whole lot of things started.”

“Please expound on that.”


“Wars, fights, bigots, prejudice, murders, jealousy, it gets to me very quickly.  I am the epitome of intense dislike, repugnance, rejection, abominate, vehement behavior.   A feeling of pure disgust is who I am and what I represent. I am trouble and scorn.  I harbor deep in a man or woman’s heart.  My pleasure comes when I can get a to start early in a child’s heart, My brother is the pain they feel and then comes me, Hate I then get the ball rolling with deceitful thoughts and they act them out. Rapist who hate women, and I agree with Emotional, she does have the capital on all of us here.  As much as I hate to admit that she is indeed right.  Unlike some of the other’s here today I am a noun and a verb.  Or considered to be, I can place people in some real precarious situations from the emotional state that they may be in.  The scorn that one feels is a high that I, Hate comes in and do I am the pantheon that you see on the news, read on the internet, magazines, Jealousy my cousin, Envy my uncle do right by me.”


“I see.  You all have made some valid points today.  And I would like to thank you all for keeping this group dialogue straight and to the point and giving me your honest opinions on things.  I also would like to thank you all for not letting all of this get out of hand.”


Pain spoke up.


“Well we all know that you Mediator would ride us until you got your way.  And we all have jobs to do just as you do.  And we all had the discussion before coming in here today that we would abide by your rules for this brief time.  Because we didn’t want to be in here at this roundtable all day.” I laughed. They were right I do have a very strong personality as my counterparts do.


“Well, thank you so much for respecting me. In that capacity, it is all of you that I deal with on a daily basis and more in fact.  You all are dismissed and have a great Evening.”


And they all left, and it was now I, mediator that had gotten a better sense of who they all were. Not that I didn’t know what they all stood for.  It was that I felt it was long over due that I had spoke with them and got their personal view on what they feel and how they represent themselves.  Stay tune as I will interview many more.



“Just Toy”

Written Expressions




Being a woman was not my choice, it was something that was given to me at the time of conception.  When my father’s sperm penetrated my mothers egg.

You can even go as far as saying it was my destiny to be who I am delegated by the Powers that be….


However Sometimes I don’t wanna be the woman that woman, the woman I was created to be.


And Sometimes I don’t wanna be the friend you need for me to be.  Standing side by side crying to the dusk is dawn over frivolous matters that really don’t even matter.


Sometimes I don’t wanna love, give love and just want it to be only about me.  Dress, rest and dream of <span>“only</span> my success. 


Sometimes I don’t want to answer a phone, look at one or be near any loved ones.  Talk is cheap and Sometimes I feel my loved ones have gotten full on the cheap.  I‘m a supreme chow-chow kind of girl.  And I love and eat the finer things in life, food words, and literature.  And Sometimes I don’t even want to be or do that.


Sometimes I don’t want anyone to lean or be anywhere in my space, mooove because you are too big in here!  And I can’t breathe! I’ve got needs, and they don’t concern me fattening frogs to feed snakes.


Sometimes I don’t want to fix your dinner, tell you it will be okay, touch you, kiss you and make it all go away.  I don’t want to be a super woman and fix it all.  I just want to be me and only me and have my own personal ball.


Sometimes I don’t want any light to shine or exude from me.  Put on falsehoods and make-up and be and look the best I can be.


Sometimes I don’t wanna sit up straight, wear heels or even bake a cake. Sometimes I wanna sit still with me, take flight in skies and sit on moons.  Just me.  Don’t wanna be rude or mean.  But Sometimes I don’t wanna know the things that really ail me.  Don’t wanna think about the future, don’t wanna remember the past.  Don’t wanna think of Dow & Jones and all of the many stock markets crash.  Sometimes I don’t wanna hear the latest gossip and get caught up in silly family drama.


Sometimes I just wanna lay in bed, all by myself and do absolutely nothing and just watch sunrises rise and fall deep down into the bottoms of the earth.


And Sometimes I don’t want to hear my name being called, or being asked a question at all.  Sometimes I wanna do me without any questions. And Sometimes I would simply love to love me without any questions of whom, what why and for. 


Sometimes I don’t wanna comb my hair I swear! Or get up and be active like they say “You’re suppose to be” I don’t wanna make things right for those who don’t see the real God and woman in me.   Or see strong, real, blunt, charismatic ole me.  Sometimes I wanna be the wallflower that some people hate to be. (Inhale and exhale)


Sometimes I don’t wanna be me. 


Inspired by; Erykah Badu –Sometimes

Dedicated to all the Sisters who get tired of being tired and pulled too & fro.  Sometimes it gets to be too much!


“Just Toy”

Written Expressions









Sum of you have come to a place where confusion meets at the beginning of the race.  And that’s fine, but when it the race is over your head is still up in the clouds. And you are even more confused than ever, clever that you knew nothing….however…


You are sleep.  Sleeping hard and not taking a catnap. Close to the small animals and creatures that crawl up in and out of really small crevices and cracks.  Your mind span dies not wrap around worlds and huge treasure maps.  So you sleep and like Luther Vandross, and your enemy she “creeps!  Creep creep creep creep!!


Let me enlighten you men on a little sumthin’ if you think and feel she is a dime piece and a screamer when you redeemed her in between the sheets.  And she sharp intelligent, smart, cosmo crip kinda like gansta glam here I am.  I believe you need to watch some of them boys you creep and run the streets with.. So he stepped to the side because both of you saw the same dream, hittin’ that, tappn’ that.  But by George you married that!  And he goes back and tells her all the crap you do when he “running with his boys”

Aha!! Bro-ham you sleep, he creep creep creep creeps!


Them backstabbers, gotta love’em!!! Ahhhhh them back jabbers grabbing all and as much as they can, man don’t be mad!! Just like haters they all come later.  You work, you sew, you reap. Laughing, romancing, staying over some nights, close as two peas in a nomads pond. And from the back you bleed like a worn slave.  More lashes than Jesus and yet you SLEEP and see nothing!! As deception stares you right in the pupils, where you ever a pupil? Did you read how Columbus discovered America?  Oops my bad, he discovered, or so he thought a piece of land and then they brought pain and disease.  Oh you didn’t read that? Didn’t check the history? It’s not a mystery, all there for you in black and white. Shaking my head at you. I feel for you boo.


Some of you sleep so much that you can’t get out of bed and stop waiting for that man to come and knock on your door and call out “Job” no not Job that had lost his land and had to be humble and learn patience.  Ohhh noooo, you are far from that!! You sleep as if you worked hard for it, like you been in the trenches working day and night like Mike.  You smoke, you drink, don’t think, hang out all day and then SLEEP.  Sleep in late, sleep all day take catnaps and do you.  Waaaaaaaaaaaake up! You’re in a haze like those wanna bees in skool daze! And I’m screaming just like Laurence Fishburne. Don’t get mad Tito, it’s the law!  You don’t have nothing, want nothing, can’t get nothing cause you do what you do, you SLEEP! And now lil Jeremy has your job. And you have been robbed.  You sleep.

In death you sleep, stop learning and earning.  Stop laughing and half to answer to sum one whatever you choose to believe.  The creepers and the ones that have been crept on.  The haters and non-haters.  The ones that back stab and don’t even ask.  You SLEEP eternally, uhhh there is no waking up from dirt and coffins im just hopin’ that you smell my breath from all this fake coughin’ I’m doing just for you.  Stop sleeping and doing some of the foul things that you do.  Pay attention press play on caution.  Press slo-motion for me, slo-motion for me if you still sleep to catch them dogs that creep.  Sleeping will get you nothing. No money. Lose your honey, look bummey. And miss out on info cause you closed your window.  Matter fact, can I get a window? Don’t won’t nobody next to me. 


Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake Uuuuuuuuuuup!!!


Stop sleeping!


“Just Toy”

Written Expressions



I dedicate this piece to everyone.  But this was inspired by a piece my oldest daughter write when she “woke up” Amber Etoy  High, my muse.  Luv you…Glad you “woke up"


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