Tell the truth, feel it, absorb it, and understand it....wisdom

Bio- Dangerous Dan is a in most part a philosopher  who has his Masters and Doctrine in psychology.  His primary position is a University professor who not only teaches courses in psychology but is a therapist and also travels the country doing motivational speaking for those who are in dire need of emotional rescue from the paradoxes of life! 

Dangerous Dan uses humor, blunt and direst talk mixed with urban vernacular and as he calls it "My education in knowing and using fifty dollar words that make sense" Breaking down the reality and giving truth in dealing with those and their personal issues, trails and tribulations!

PIMP CHRONICLES 101...THE ABUSE IS REAL! WHEN WILL YOU PUT A STOP TO THE MADNESS???!!! OR DO YOU SUFFER FROM SELF LOVE????

If I have not seen or heard it once, I have seen it and heard it a trillion times! In my opinion the coined phrase “Sticks and stones may break my bones. But words will never hurt me.” Is some extreme BS!! Yes!! I said it! Sticks and stones hurt, and you heal from the beatings. (eventually) However words are detrimental to all humans! They give us direction, hope, encouragement, rage, hate, hurt and harm! And they can carry long term effects. Some of the words that are harmful can push some to NOT be what their oppressor has spoken to them. Example, “You will never ever amount to anything” And just because (you) said that to that human being. They take those words of hate and create for themselves a haven in proving (you) wrong! However, let's be clear. How many people will take the negative and turn them into positive? Let me respond by saying, not many! Words shape, fold, give life into others and our own lives. But some of these damn idiots know this and don't know this at the same time! When you spew harmful bullshyt from your mouth to intentionally hurt someone. Trust, you are doing just that. And the pain is just as bad as being physically abused!

Of course you all know that I see and talk to a lot of people in my line of work. And I am constantly flustered and pissed that so many of us do NOT know the real and true meaning of the words that we speak to others and how they can dispel so much harm. Of course the patients I will speak of theiridentity has been disclosed due to my confidentiality clause.

Well let me get started, and again let me reiterate that I loath to no ends any form of abuse, and verbal abuse also contributes to mental and emotional abuse. And this abuse is what contributes to the delinquency of so many that walk the earth.

Of course for protection and privacy I will call my patient “Janice” A recovering alcoholic, weed head, coke head and pill popper! Janice was a woman that was on a path straight to a hell full of freedom she had created. Janice had run away from home at fifteen to live with her best friend and their parents. All was well until Janice had turned sixteen. She of course thought it would be good to work, take care of her clothes and personal needs. As well as help out with paying on bills. Janice was smart, resourceful and did well in school. Janice knew that if she acted up, didn't do chores and get good grades it would have her on the streets! The last place she wanted to be. Her best friends parents were quite aware of the pain she was experiencing at home. Besides, Janice was at their house more than she was at home already.

Janice worked, paid “rent” and eventually made assistant manager of the store at seventeen!! A huge accomplishment she felt for a person her age. She worked every weekend, closed the store during the week. And she felt good about herself. Then it happened, her best friends father had approached her one night. Asking if she wanted to go bowling and have pizza. This was not something unusual. As they bowled, she drinking her coke. Her best friends father drinking a beer. Within an hour she started to feel a little odd. It wasn't a bad odd, but a feel good alllll over odd. Janice's best friends father had gave a mickey to her. It was an ex pill. He seen that Janice was being overcome by the drug. He did small things like rub her shoulder. Nothing again unusual. They all were affectionate with each other in the home. But when he did it, it felt good. The touches became more and more frequent.

Yeap!! You guessed it!! You were right! They ended up leaving with Janice's best friends father rubbing all over her. Her feeling and loving the touch, the tingle. Janice gave into the sexual feelings . He fed her liquor all the way to the motel. Drove around, handed Janice a joint. He knew she smoked weed here and there with his daughter. Janice was woozy from the combination.

The next morning waking up next to her best friends father naked!! Remembering and not remembering at the same time. She was ashamed, hurt and embarrassed. However, the affair continued. He fed her drugs, alcohol and introduced Janice to other drugs and made her his exploited sex slave so to speak. He was her first! Eventually her best friends father moved her out after she graduated paying Janice's rent. He was good bad, bad good to Janice. Good, because in Janice's mind. He gave her what she wanted and when she wanted it. The good were the drugs he supplied her. The variety of the pills she loved as well. Janice couldn't have sex with him unless she was high. The bad was the drugs the sex, the secrets, the lies, the many seeds Janice was planting. However she was wrapped up in a delusional cloud of smoke. He did everything he could to keep her high, and to himself.

Janice was caught up! And then the abuse came. Well he put his hands on her. But only to scare her. He would grab the side of her arms tightly. Looking into her eyes with ferocious threats if she left him or told anyone. He at times told her she was nothing, no man would want her but him. She was too spoiled to be with any other man. He bought her car, paid her rent, clothes, money, shopping sprees. And he also wined and dined her. He told her she was really to dumb to go to college. He would tell her she was too fat, and she would stick her finger down her throat. Always vomiting her meal up. She worked out like crazy! Dropping weight. He told her that her body was now to small. But he didn't want her to put on weight. Telling her she was now ugly, unattractive and too skinny!

Janice had shunned her friends, and only him in her life her main focal point. He made her get a breast augmentation. Making Janice where a waist cincher. Getting a lift in her azz, yeap this fool paid for ass injections! He still told her she needed to work on some things. He created a beautiful and even more beautiful woman. Nothing was wrong with Janice.

Janice stayed high, loved getting high. She was addicted nor partial to just one drug or liquor. As long as she had it. She was now sneaking bottles in the house. And she was drinking secretly. Things got deep. And as beautiful as she was, she thought she was a fat skinny ugly young woman. Now at twenty-three years old. Still with her best friends father. He would profess his love for her.. Now taking her out for the world to see her. Very protective, very jealous, and very insecure. But he loved when the women and men stared at her.   

When Janice got some clarity, that was her first OD. As she laid in the hospital she now knew she was being and living a wreckless life. I had started seeing Janice when she had just got out of the hospital. She was referred to me by someone to the university I taught at. Janice kicked on her own. It was the hardest week she had ever lived!!! Of course the hospital kept her there. Her vitals were messed up, she had come to me at her lowest!

Janice had suffered so much in so many years at the hand of this man. She was brainwashed and had the lowest self esteem. When Janice walked in the door, I will admit my mouth fell open and I was drooling! However, Janice was fukd up!! No other way to put it. Janice looked tired and worn out. The only real time she was able to get out in the world was in the day time at certain hours. She had been brainwashed to text when she was leaving one place. And when she would be heading to the next place. And when she got home. Her hours were between 8am and 5pm she had better been home. She showed me the many bruises on her arms. He always grabbed her up by her shoulders. Digging his fingers in her skin, bruising her and leaving her sore and tender. He constantly berated her and at times embarrassed her out in public. His way of keeping her in line. Now being clean for three weeks. Janice was asking herself why couldn't she leave? Why was she there? Could she leave? Why should she leave? She had no work experience. Not really, except for the one and only job she had as a teen for three years. She hadn't worked fro three years! She was now feeling the emptiness of her parents love, the abuse in which she suffered which was verbal constantly from her mother and father. As well as the verbal and physical abuse that she seen her mother receive from her father. The house was super conflicted with sorrow, sadness and “I am sorry” filled with gifts of love and hate. She ran away! Not speaking to her mother and father in three years! She didn't even know if they were alive, divorced or ill.

Janice felt being home and living with her parents would have her eventually living the same life. So she ran away. Running away into more madness and mayhem and placing her life and soul in the hands of a crazed fukd up man tthat was dominate, controlling and a real live dictator. He fed her false hopes and love. Drugs and sex. Money and cars. How could she move on now that she was seeing the light? How could she move on believe in herself in a world where she has been told if not everyday she was nothing without HIM? He had the power, he had the money, he had the answers. And she, she was an unattractive dumb person who now was scared that she would lose HIM and her life now depended on him. Her spirit was down and hurt.

I have seen this oh too many times. Janice didn't have anyone. And was scared to let anyone in her life because of the many threats she had received from him. Drugs and alcohol always keep you in a delusion of illusional world. You do drugs and drink to escape the reality and use it as a coping mechanism.

The good thing about Od-ing for Janice was it woke her up and had her see the light! Unfortunately there are not many drug addicts that will OD the first time and wake up and smell the coffee. The bad thing of course was to OD. I give Janet huge kudos in that she had so much will power not go back and quit cold turkey. Janice had to stay in the hospital! She was dehydrated, had gotten an infection and was weak and faint from the lack of food also.

Of course he knew and was by her side. Janice lied, her first lie ever in the whole time they were together that if she continued to drink and do drugs she would eventually die sooner than later. She came up with more diagnostics for herself. Which actually proved she was smarter than he said she was. All this from watching TV day in and day out. There was nothing else to do. She remembered these diagnostics from the many medical shows she watched on cable. How could one be so smart and yet so dumb at the same damn time. As Katt Williams said “You are a smart and dumb N***” He believed her, and was scared to death that he would lose her. Yeah, he was in love, crazy love and now wanted to leave his wife. He had planned on moving them far out of the state. Get a job, move him and her to a rural area. Isolating his beauty. That he made sure went to spas, had manicures and pedicures, kept her hair up, and she worked out at home. Janice was always to look like a glamour woman when he came over. Why did Janice do as he said? Well he told her he had people watching her. Even pointed out from time to time people who were sitting in cars on the street, down the street and across the street. She was always being followed.

A prison of lies I knew. Lies I had to convince Janice were not true. Lies that had her crying and hurting and scared to runaway. It took me time, Janice was one of my hardest cases. I told her that if he had her followed, why didn't anyone tell him that she was seeing me? And she had to think real hard on it. I first had to get Janice to believe in herself, talk about her life as a child. Forgive her parents. That she wouldn't compromise with any verbal or physical abuse in her home. But why now was she letting the hands of a sadistic and male chauvinist run her life. I gave my books to her, self love, motivational books. I even hipped her to some books my counterparts had written and would minister to this poor unfortunate soul! I had to convince Janice to love herself. And that she didn't deserve the mental and verbal abuse he gave her. That she was worthy, worthy of living life to the fullest. That she was young, gifted and talented. I asked her what she wanted out of life and what she wanted to do with her life. And she would get excited about these conversations. For you see, she had no one, and I mean absolutely no one to talk to but him! Can you imagine living in a world like this? A world where you were around people, men hitting on you, people smiling at you. Talking to you. Interaction and yet no one to call or talk to. He was the only number in her cell phone! He made sure of that everyday! He checked every call she made. And went through all their text messages. He belittled her down to just what he wanted and needed. All because of his small ego and self hate.

I eventually was comfortable in helping devise a plan and telling Janice of that plan. It began to be a personal quest for me if you will to get her up and out of her situation. Janice had learned a lot to do in the years she was with him. Small things and some that may have not seemed important. The monies she would get from him to go to these spas and salons. Janice had learned and mastered her upkeep. So she shopped less, but still brought home new clothes that appeased him. It took three months. And that three months worried me. However, Janice became smarter and slick like a hustler out on the streets in how to maneuver around him.

When Janice saved enough money up to leave. She had already checked into a school. And had a job! I had pulled some strings for her. And she was ready to go! I had moved Janice three cities over from where she originally lived. Which was basically and hour and a half away. She was scared at first. Thinking he would find her. Of course he never did! Happy.

Listen, there is no way any person should be put down, yelled at constantly, threatened, made to feel low, degraded in any form or fashion. That shyt should be against the law! And if I was president I would indeed enforce this law! However that would be living in a world of fairy-tales. Love yourself! You know when someone is bullying you, making you feel as if you didn't exist! These things that people do and games that some people play or just that. Place you in a emotional and mental prison of your own mind. When you stay in these relationships it ruins the very core of you and who you are. Abuse is real! Unfortunately there are so many men and women that suffer from mental, emotional and physical abuse. Stress becomes a huge part of it. Find yourself unable to eat and losing weight? Find yourself doing drugs or drinking? Find yourself gaining weight? Pulling yourself from the world and crying all the time. Depression is now brought on from the stress and hopelessness of your situation. No one loves you, no they can;t, they won't! Because of the pain the person is giving to you. That person had many hurts, pains and insecurities that need to to be addressed. And if you love a such said person, they don't love you!

Let me set the record straight! You can get caught up easily in abusive relationships and ask yourself one day how did you get to the twenty-fifth beating and the hundred thousandth argument and tears. And you will find that years will go by, and now you are accustomed to that life! If verbal abuse is getting more and more. Or starts off light. And it continues, it is time to break it off! Though Janice was in a whole different situation that even for me registered on the off the bricks meter. Trust the drama and saga continues of people who are living right now as I write in this same or even more dramatic situation. It becomes normal, nothing new.

Love yourself, recognize, know you deserve real and whole love. Not insecure and self hate love. Remove yourself from the situation with a quickness! And move forward! Now I gotta go because I spent this whole Chronicle on one patient! Damn! I'm tired, and I know you might be too! And if you just happen to be the person in this or a similar situation! Sweetheart, coming from Dangerous Dan infamous for my Pimp Chronicles, run for the mutha fukn hills!!

Signing off,

Dangerous Dan


“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

2015


PIMP CHRONICLES 101….I AM SOOOOO TIRED OF HEARING YOU TALK?  YOUR LANGUAGE IS QUITE ANNOYING NOW!

 

Today I come to you being honest as always and now that it is a new year, 2014 and so many make resolutions that at least 85% of the people in the world that make them don’t keep them. Pretty high statistics isn’t it?  Well I could be exaggerating just a bit.  However I am not too far from the truth here.  So many people are into this New Year’s resolution.  Lose weight, stop smoking, eat better, work out, and get a better job.  And they do nothing!  Nothing at all!

Well it is far better to make cognitive decisions and healthy changes in your life.  You know making small short-term and long-term goals. Example a short time goal would be something like maybe saving up some money. Or buying a piece of furniture, clothing.  Maybe a woman saving up for a shopping spree or maybe a small weekend get-away.  I like to also add that some short-term goals in my opinion or things that have been put off for awhile in your home.  Like spring cleaning, painting a room or redecorating a room.  Maybe cleaning out the garage or a closet and donating old clothes to a foundation or church.  When we accomplish these small goals in our lives and we have done them to full completion we feel very good about ourselves and feel a weight lifted off our shoulders.  I know when I accomplish small and large feats in my life I feel a huge sense of accomplishment. I am a person who always sets long and short-term goals. 

In my travels, studies, motivational engagements, patients students, family and friends.  I have had so many people tell me all the wonderful things they were going to do in their lives along with all the many places they wanted to go.  When you first hear someone tell you of a great idea or stepping forward and making a detrimental change in their lives you are genuinely excited for them! Glad they finally have seen the light or the calling that is upon them. 

This Pimp Chronicle will not go into the lives of other’s like I normally do giving examples.  Because there would be so many to choose from.  And besides we all know many people in our lives including ourselves that have made “resolutions” or promises to themselves and have not kept them.  So let me begin on my path in this chronicle. 

I know so many and have met so many and I have been the one to make pathetic promises and give myself false hopes of change.  Knowing deep down in my heart I had planned on doing nothing about it! However in a statement my mother had made to me one day stopped talking about it and being about it! A procrastinator is one who you DO NOT place your faith and confidence in. Procrastinators do not only tell lies to themselves that they believe!  They also tell lies to others! A procrastinator, daydreamer, non-committing soul will tell you what they will do and have you caught up in a rapture.  And they will ATTEMPT to do what they say they will do.  Luring you, pulling you in and for a moment they will work on it.  And soon lose interest in the work, the plan, the business, the relationship or whatever.

I have seen years past and have watched people dig holes deeper and deeper for themselves that they were not able to get out of.  Sometimes pride has a bit to do with it.  And that good ole procrastination spirit soars and swells within them.  And they continue to believe that if they just continue to talk about it and not be about it doors will open.  Oh how I wish if we all could literally talk things into existence and not plant a seed toward the reality of what we want or need all in this world would be simply perfect!  We could just say I want a BMW red convertible, the year and we could just have it!  How great! We would not have to save a dime, go buy it, work for it nor place any effort in getting it!  POOF!! It appears! We could do this for so many things! Jobs, homes, travel, clothing, food, money, success and so much more! There would be not one hungry person in this world.  Nor would there be any one that would go without in this would and have to suffer! All dreams would come true! Unfortunately this is the real world!  And you have to work for what you want.  Say what you mean and mean what you say!

I have loathed New Year resolutions for so long because mostly it is procrastinators that yell, scream and play into the audience that they will make some changes in their lives and get rid of the old and bring in the new.  That they will develop new relationships and end toxic ones.  They, or shall I say that some will and have said this for years. “I am going to stop smoking” or “I am moving on with my life, I will not be in a relationship with _____ anymore” And yet they continue to drink, smoke and stay in the same toxic relationship that they have been in for years! Again you cannot trust nor believe a procrastinator!  They will tell you what they need to get what they want.  Orrrrrr they will tell you what they need to get what they want or need from you.  Orrrrrrr they will let you hear them talk about their wonderful plans they have so beautifully set for the future and have you to think that they are brilliant and wonderful.  And they are nothing of the sort!

I have watched so many people lose their jobs, friends, homes, cars relationships over procrastinating.  It is also so sad when a person who is a procrastinator looses out on some great opportunities in life because they cannot stick to their word.  It is not that a procrastinator is a bad person!  I do not want you to walk away and think horribly about these types.  By no means, they just have not figured out a way, nor do some of them truly want to find the way to start and go directly to finish with what they want. Or say they want.  Or even move close to what they want.  It is also not to say that they don’t go anywhere or can’t do anything.  It is just the things that require work and time that place them on hold.

This also starts with small things.  A person who says I will wash today and has a ton of wash and only wash one load and never dry it that day.  A person who says I am going to clean out my car, and starts a little bit of it and never finishes it.  The same with a room, cleaning a house, backyard or a front yard.  And by the time that person looks up the clutter, the mess, the chore has increased where it is out of hand and now that person has much more to contend with.  When they look at all of the mess and the huge feat of what they have to deal with they take even longer and really don’t have the will to get it done! Have you met someone who says, “I need to clean up my_____” (you fill in the blank) and you call them in a couple of days and they say they need to do the same damn thing they were doing a few days ago?  This is a procrastinator.  And these people also have what I like to call “selective ADD” (attention deposit disorder) They will be on a project and all of a sudden a phone, TV show, a visitor (mainly do not want to focus on the task they are doing) and they will stop and get side swiped and of course what was needed to be done does not get done and put off for another day. Now if you speak to these procrastinators they will speak highly of themselves!  They will tell you they are hustlers, go-getters and are truly about getting their lives in order and making changes.  And I have come back years later and see these people not doing or making any progress in what they SAID they were going to do. What happen to the business?  It was hot for a few months and then it cooled down.  What happen to going to school?  It was hot for a couple of months and it lost its appeal. What happened to working out and eating right?  Oh it worked and has been working off and on for the past few months but not on a consecutive basis. I thought you were leaving her/him? Well I am it’s all in the works I just have to take care of a few more things. Really?  It has been five years though.  You get my point?

I learned that one is more respected by keeping their word than not. And when you are dealing with a procrastinator it is very hard for them to be loyal, not that they don’t want to.  It is just hard for them to do so. They are lazy, incompetent, they have no energy, and they get restless with people very quickly.  Their attention spans are short.  And to depend on them, well they can be there for you if there is something in it for them.  Or they have emotional feelings for you deeply.  But if they tire of you they cannot be depended upon.  Procrastinators are also people who are late and do not care how they misuse or take advantage of other people’s time.  And it takes them long to accomplish any task.  Why? Because of the blame game something or someone gets in the way.  They just cannot admit that it is them that got in their own way!

I have sat back and watched a sleuth of procrastinators.  I have studied them, and paid close attention to them as they have sat around all day on a laptop, tablet, bed, watching TV and the phone rings and they LIE and say they were handling business or in the middle of something.  And were doing absolutely NOTHING!!!! How do you run a business?  Go to school? Be a house husband or wife? Parent? Workout? Or anything of the sort of you DO NOT work towards any goal?  It is simply impossible!

So to all the hating procrastinating people out there that say they want more (and really don’t) to the ones that see others make good at what they say or do.  I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR THE BULLSHYT OF WHAT IS NEXT! I am tired of hearing you talk! Womp..womp…womp…womp…it is the same song, and I’ve been all around the world and you still singing the same damn song! Tell that to someone that will listen and cares.  Because I am tired, let me go take a nap!

Signing off,

Dangerous Dan

 

1/2014

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions


PIMP CHRONICLES 101…..HOPE, HOPEFUL, HOPELESS AND HOPELESSNESS…WHICH ARE YOU?

 

In my life I have met some incredible people!  And some not so incredible people.  And when you are a person like me you always tend to look more on the inside than on the outside.  Trust me it took time to do this!  I once was a man that seemingly looked on the outside and later found out that attractive looks are not all of that. Those who would angst my very being and me wishing-ly not wanting to be bothered because I felt they were not on my level.  Rather it is by looks or the way they dressed soon learned that “looks can be deceiving” and once I began to push all that silly and simple madness to the curb.  I then and only then was I able to see the trueness and genuineness of people.  And it was those who what I thought didn’t offer a lot had the most to offer.

Some of those I noticed (not all) that had the beautiful looks were highly insecure.  Always looking for approval from someone as well as compliments.  These also were the ones that paraded their looks for attention and when they did not get the attention they felt they needed or deserved; would fall out and get peeved and perturbed! And please DO NOT let an individual come up to them that were not as beautiful as them not have the financial capita, ride, home or job that they felt was needed to attain them then immediately that was a no go!

As I truly began to understand that “beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder” and that many will say, have said and will continue to say that, “beauty is only skin deep”  And it is not what is on the outside but on the inside.  And for some of us this takes a long time to grasp.  And for others we grasp it right away!

I am a quick read and learner of those whom I feel has something to offer or give.  Honestly there are some that I dare not waste my time in gathering any info from; or trying to read because it is simply in so few words, “ain’t worth the trip”  real talk!      I have met and been around some people that I have judged on the outside incorrectly.  Seeing things and asking only in my head, “When are they going to grow up and move forward?” and in hindsight some of those same people are doing extremely well! They started from the bottom, faithful and steadfast and their tenacity has brought them where they are today!

So instead of talking in regards to my patients and changing their names not to expose them.  This chronicle will simply be a perspective of what, when, how and being.  So many of us can suffer, move on and not move on.  Some that are inspiring and those who cannot inspire themselves.  Some that have what others only wish for.

“Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen” I love that scripture.  And it is here where I will start! When you have HOPE it is the most beautiful thing in the world! You see potential in your life, your world, your future and it is glimmer in that hope that you have that sustains you.  Webster dictionary defines hope as…

The feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best:

How many times have I been here in my life?  Too many to recall.  But when I am in my hope state of mind, and I am focused on the journey.  And my heart and mind, soul and body are in line with that hope.  When I believe in the unknown, when I say that all things are possible.  It comes to past!  I have been in the bottom.  And it was hope that had brought me through, perseverance that kept me in hope!

I recall watching an old rerun of Saturday Night Live.  Just stumbled upon it I believe on the internet.  And in the skit was a lady they called “Debbie Downer” She was a hawt mess through and through! She had no hope and she was extremely HOPELESS! What I saw in this skit was a woman who not only was down on herself but she brought everyone down around her.  She made people uncomfortable in wonderful fun loving life enjoy this right now experiences.  She had nothing positive to say.  She kept her head down; smiling was not something she did.  She suffered from an extreme case of low self-esteem and knew how to ruin any moment.  While her friends always tried to build and uplift her she was quickly throwing their efforts under the bus!

There are so many people that we all know that would fall under this category.  I am sure that we have met them.  Some are friends and family members and some are co-workers.  They are Debbie Downers.  I hate to speak of the dead in this way.  But those who have committed suicide would fall under hopeless.  Webster’s dictionary defines hopeless as…

Providing no hope; beyond optimism or hope; desperate

When you can’t see the trees for the forest or the forest for the trees.  When depression and the negative in life has grabbed you by the cohonies and said there is nothing left!  No matter how you can break down the glass as being half full, they are unable to see into hope and therefore they stay in the land of no hope! There is no need to hope and hopeless has set in.  Because where is there a future?

It is not good for anyone to be in this lifetime and not expect anything great or grand to ever happen in their lives.  I know that in life we all suffer great hurts and pains.  Some of these pains we experience that can cause some to feel hopeless could be health issues.  A doctor telling you that there is no cure for what is ailing you.  And a doctor also giving you a death date and telling you that you need to set your affairs in order can be very devastating!  However it is the strong willed ones, it is the HOPEFUL ones that are encouraged and of good cheer! They of course may experience some depression, cry, curse and wallow and feel sorry for themselves.  And neither I nor you can tell them not to go through it.  Nothing wrong with that at all!  It is when they began to fight! When they pull themselves out of that depression.  They are the ones that are hopeful! Webster says this about hopeful…

Full of hope; expressing hopeHis hopeful words stimulated optimism.

 

Exciting hope; promising advantage or success: a hopeful prospect.

 

Being hopeful can do a lot for a person, it truly can.  They live a whole life; they begin to enjoy their life.  They do not waste any time wallowing what is bothering them but what can I do to make each day that they have an enjoyable one.  To relish in every breath of life that they have.  When a marriage goes sour, a lost of a job, house, car or losing someone very close in their lives. Being hopeful in situations that have a drastic impact on our stability or emotions (once we climb out of the shock) build a good esteem and feed the soul and mind.  We begin the journey of being hopeful!  We place our minds in the positive, we become optimistic.  And even though we may get down here and there.  Having hope, being hopeful gives us what we need to move and step forward!

 

When I take a step back and I look at those who have sunk down, and I mean way down in a pit of HOPELESSNESS

(Which is not found in the dictionary but I do consider a word-found in the thesaurus) describes and gives synonyms as...

 

anguish, dashed hopes, dejection, desperateness, desperation, despond, despondence,despondency, discouragement, disheartenment, forlornness, gloom, melancholy, misery,ordeal, pain, sorrow, trial, tribulation, wretchedness

 

Is it just me?  Or have you ever been in this same situation?  Where you encounter persons that are so down and out in life and seem to go through things that they have shut themselves off to? And yet they dwell in their hopelessness? And they continue to endure (not change) their current circumstances to give them hope? That they don’t see the bigger picture? The constant complaining and depression that comes along with their depression?  They are destructive in their behaviors.  Some may drink, do drugs, eat, their talk is constant negative.  They may be looking for life in others and cannot be alone with themselves because they don’t see the good in themselves.  Where is the hope that they can have better?  Do better?  Get better and be better?  Where is the hope that they do not have to put up with anything that they don’t have to?  Why complain of current circumstances and things wrong in your life if you do not place yourself in the arena of getting or having better?  Remember Faith is the substance if things hoped for and yet not seen?

 

Where and how do you see yourself?  Are you among those who continue to have hope?  Are you hopeful? Or are you hopeless and suffer from hopelessness?  Do you let your current circumstances dictate who you are and what you will become in the future?  Do you let people and situations bring you down and give you angst and sorrow?  Are you one of those that complain about who and what has been down and yet stay in where you are?  I am here to tell you that you deserve better, can have better, can be better and that you do not let what is your current situation define who you are!

 

This is for those who are hopeful!  This is for those who are and dwell in hope.  This is for those who dwell and define their hopelessness.  This is for those that are hopeless! 

 

Signing off,

Dangerous Dan

 

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

12/2013


PIMP CHRONICLES 101…DIRTY MINDS THINK JUST ALIKE, AND THEY WILL STAY DIRTY BECAUSE THEY LOVE THE DIRT!!!

 

You know that saying “Misery loves company”? Well I am here to tell you that it is so true! And I am here to tell you that those who dwell with the bottom feeders, the vampires, and the succubus will remain right there with all the people who wait patiently for those who throw their trash out.  Positive people, positive movement doesn’t really move them, oh they are fake happy, they smile and congratulate.  But the lives that these bottom dwellers lead have no forward movement!  At alllllllll!

The last year of my travels, family, friends and patients is always an interesting insight for me.  As you know I put it down with no filter and spit the real and keep it real no matter who’s feelings are hurt.  If no one tells the truth then who will?

So let me get into my first example who is not a patient but a friend who is always seeking my approval and is always seeking my advice, or shall I say wisdom. I will call him “Carlos” Whenever Carlos and I are around each other I feel as if he is not who he is.  I feel there is a semi façade that his proclivity he tries to stifle.  However it is through obscurity that I see the light.  I happened to have that unique discernment that no matter how people try to camouflage who they are I can see right through the core.  I guess that would make me a pretty good doctor in the psyche world.  A great ability to discern!

Well Carlos seems to want to live up to my standard.  He second guesses what he will wear; he asks me “How does this look?”  “What do you think?”  Now let me be clear!  Carlos is a very arrogant and cocky man.  A man  who will walk to get what he wants and what he needs.  Let me enlighten you some more of this dastardly hound.  Carlos is controlling he enjoys, no he loves to use spiteful dialogue to his weak prey that fall in the crust of his control.  Carlos is selfish and wholly believes that his ten inches and his long tongue keep women wanting more!  I recall Carlos moving in with a woman who he said he loved but cheated on her the whole time he was with her.  He only moved in with her because she flipped the bill and lived in a luxurious condo.  He did this for years! But for whatever reason Carlos always needed to have my opinion and seek my approval.  He wanted me to go with him and “show me off” to his friends.  People that I had nothing in common with at all!  People I did not want to be with. 

Now as I watched Carlos I noticed that Carlos did just about anything to get attention and was sadden a great deal when I didn’t want to go where he went or do some of the things he wanted to do.  This was only because they did not interest me.  Carlos even got jealous when I hung out with my family and friends.  Carlos was not an influence on my life but I was an influence upon his.  See I was one of the ones that did not allow him to control me because I controlled my destiny.  Now we can get into the mix of Carlos’s situation. 

Carlos was still in this stifling situation, one he called a relationship.  I watched as “Melanie” I will call her. She watched as Carlos came and went and did what he wanted to do.  He went on trips with women because he knew he couldn’t afford them.  Melanie watched as he came and went and stayed gone and she stayed at home.  She paid all the bills and let Carlos berate her and belittle her every chance he had gotten.  She said nothing she would come to me every now and then and speak on his actions.  I would just listen.  I had nothing to say to her because she had been going through this for years!  And if she wanted to leave or put him out she knew that she could.  She went through episode after episode with Carlos.  While Carlos only and only thought of himself.  Carlos did not work he hustled, he had long and short term goals that did not get accomplished.  And Carlos did this with any and every person in his life that allowed him to berate them or control them with sex, words or his dashing good looks! That shyt was for the birds in my eyes but it was and how Carlos recklessly lived his life.  And he was always asking if I wanted to partake.  I am a control freak to a certain extent, but …….

Now enter “Mack” who was once in a relationship with a woman who abused drugs and alcohol for fifteen years off and on.  Mack would kick “Jenny” to the curb and call her a cab but for whatever reason would find himself going back to her.  Mack is one of my patients, and the ironic thing about Mack he is a very self sufficient man, intelligent and very loving and has a great job. But his family and he are extremely dysfunctional in mad proportions! Mack grew up with violence, parents cheating on each other, and a very unstable household.  In fact all of his siblings married and dating lives have consisted of all of them being with someone who didn’t have a quote unquote lack of a better phrase a “normal life” they all are attracted to the trash that plagues the world.  Now let me state for the record that there is not one perfect person or family in this world.  But you grow up and mimic what you see if you don’t stop the curse within yourself and your future.  Well Mack of course mimicked his parents life.  There was truly no love and no peace in his life unless he was with someone who was cancerous.  And the couple of women that he had met that would have been great for him, well he didn’t know how to act, treat them or welcome them in his life.

This woman Jenny could get anything and everything from Mack. Imagine giving money, housing and taking care of w person who you knew was on drugs and an alcoholic three days after knowing them and still continue to take care of them?  Imagine this person also cheating on you and doing God knows what to get high or have a drink?  Also imagine coming home from a hard day of work and there are drug addicts, alcoholics and men in your home.  This was the life that Mack dwelled and wallowed in.  Was Mack unattractive?  Far from it!  It was like he had the lowest of the lowest expectations when it came to women.  It was if the worse the woman the harder the attraction.  The worse the issues the more Mack pursued.  Mack said he didn’t and he did love Jenny at the same time.   He was fully cognizant of what she was doing. There were bouts of jealousy, and very long bouts of him and her not having any sexual activities.  Mack also cheated on Jenny just as she cheated on him throughout the relationship. There were so many times that Mack had been embarrassed by Jenny’s shenanigans in public as well around his family.  She stole and begged for money from his family and friends and this alienated Mack from his very close friends and family.  Yet anytime anyone said anything negative or hurtful about Jenny, or she was in trouble he was there Johnny on the spot to defend her honor!  There was no honor!  But in Mack’s world this was love, it was beautiful! It was who he was and there was no other like Jenny!

It took a longtime for Mack to get Jenny out of his system, and still to this day he may see her here and there.  And she still calls him begging for money or wanting to see him.  For Jenny the relationship still does exist even though they have not been together to date for three years now.  And Mack’s present relationships are trash! There is no trust at alllll! Mack has carried on the same traits in his new relationships that he had in his previous off and on toxic relationship with Jenny.  Now Mack says he doesn’t want all the drama, doesn’t want to deal with any of the pain and issues that he has dealt with in being with Jenny.  But he still does!  Though he may not be involved with a woman or women who are addicted to drugs he faces and deals with women who have deep rooted issues.  And so the cycle of what he saw and grew up in continues.  I have time and time what he needs to do in order to relieve himself of this plague that hovers in his life, mind, body and spirit.  But he refuses to change and therefore has stopped seeing me.  Mack enjoys the trash and staying dirty!

Enter “Karen” a very sharp woman and on her game.  Graduated from USC with honors with an engineering degree and a degree in computer science!  This lady is hot coming and going on paper in person as well as she knows how to relate to the corporate world, and she can take the hat off and deal with what she calls “common folk” and not always have to use fifty dollar words and make others feel insignificant around her. Karen not only attracts men, she also attracts women.  People love being around her because she is charismatic, loving and has a great sense of humor and the fact that she is beautiful and has her own sense of style which is very unique. Karen is a serious go getter and she lets nothing get in her way. 

Karen has the most toxic relationship ever.  Now truth be told her childhood wasn’t all that bad.  She grew up in a house where not just her but her parents and siblings are all very well educated and took a plethora of family vacations and her mother and father spent a great deal of time with the children.  However the dysfunction lies that her father cheated on her mother with her mother’s best friend of over thirty years.  The dysfunction lies that the parents have not been together for fifteen years and they are both still married and the best friend of Karen’s mother is now living in a home that Karen’s father bought with her mother.  With who?  The ex-best friend of Karen’s mom.  Crazy huh? Well the extras on this plot is the family has ignored it hurt and all.  Grinned and bared it.  How does the ex best friend of the still wife not divorced but separated living with his girlfriend all like life is beautiful! Karen and her siblings have discussed the situation but it seems as if all is well. 

The issue with Karen and one of her siblings is that they have dug allll the way to the bottom of the barrel where the sticky shyt is and came up with the best of the best sticky and are dwelling in it profusely! I will not get into Karen’s sisters mess but it is just that, mess! And Karen has now been in a relationship with a man that has cheated on her the whole fifteen years of them being together.  Oh of course the beginning of the relationship for the first two or three years was blissful. Or so she thought.  But Karen’s non-husband, the one she refused to marry that asked her three times.  She refused but of course she still living with her “man” that comes and goes when he wants.  The relationship is over because of the cheating, the disrespect, the late night hours, and the fact that Karen has been taking care of this piece of man for the past six years.  Because he has not had a job.  She will not put him out of the house.  They sleep in separate rooms, they do not have sex, yet when you come around they talk and act as if they are best friends! They have their own way of dealing with their situation.  Which is a major dysfunction.  While Karen’s boyfriend or should I say ex-boyfriend has moved on she for some reason is clinging on to him and not moving on with her life.  They have had argument and conversations about their “situation” but it remains the same!

Now before I go ahead and give you the run down on all of these people let’s be clear.  There are some people who thrive and relish in experiences of their personal proclivity and live as if this is normal and nothing is wrong.  And clearly there is major things wrong in their relationships and with themselves.  When there are people that live lives like this there for one is a huge self-esteem issue!  And there is no self worth and no love for themselves.  They are actually weak and while they think they may be helping someone, they are actually enabling themselves and the people they are with.

In the situation with Carlos who is cocky and very arrogant he feels he is God’s gift to women.  But because Carlos has not invested wholly in his life.  And he doesn’t think highly of himself as he should.  Again this is esteem issues, he feels his dashing good looks and what dangles in between his kegs will keep a woman in line.  One of the things he has mastered other than sex is the power of words.  And because he has no real control over his life he has to control the lives of others.  And just like a pimp who can instinctively prey on the weak minded woman who suffers from self esteem issues.  Carlos looks for women who has self esteem issues worse than his own.  Because a real woman who has real character would not put up with his shenanigans. A person who wants to be in control of others lives lived a life where other people were in control and they had no choices.  This was a horrible condition for Carlos that he once had lived in and he refused as an adult for anyone to rule over him ever again!  Which is not a bad thing; he can be the master of his ship but not in the way of hurting and abusing others. So therefore Carlos is in so deep that he cannot see the trees for the forest and doesn’t want to be a better man.  He chooses to be the bad guy and do others as he was done.

With Mack in his situation he clearly is living the life of what is called “learned behavior” he has learned all the negative things in relationships and can only relate to love when it is negative.  There were no real examples in his life of what real love is.  Mack thinks cheating, abusive behavior is love.  He has seen this play out in his home so much and even though he despised it so much that he grew up and placed himself in the same damn precarious situations!  His relationship with Jenny is sort of oxymoronic; that being he got involved with a woman who needed more than what he was able to give.  Jenny needed help that he could not help her with.  But no matter what he was trying to be her Captain save her!  Not knowing that he needed saving from his private hell he never got over.  So he decided that he would stay in a relationship he could save someone from themselves.  He couldn’t save his mom from her abusive relationships.  And let me tell you, when his mother divorced his dad she got back in another marriage that was worse than the first marriage. Not only did Mack and his siblings see his mother abused and used by her second husband.  They also endured verbal, emotional and physical abuse from their stepdad whom they despised!  And because he saw that his mother had longevity in these complex emotional and abusive situations.  He learned you don’t leave you keep on keeping on trying to make it work.  And clearly staying in toxic relationships make you garbage for yourself and for the next person that you get involved with. 

Karen on the other hand has it all and could clearly have a great man in her life.  But at the end of the day she doubts herself no matter how much she has accomplished.  She feels that pain is pleasure. And it is better to keep things a certain way for appearance” sake.  She knows that she deserves better and can do better.  But she is weak beyond words.  And even though men throw themselves at her she feels the need for abuse.  The need to be walked over and on by someone who cannot love her because they don’t know how to love themselves. 

When people get in these types of relationships with people they are not well on the inside!  Real talk! And when your mind is dirty you will dwell and thrive on those who are the bottom dwellers and they will continue to suck all the life out of you as you will drain them of life.  The life that is drained cannot be replaced.  Now don’t get me wrong no relationship is perfect.  But why would a person who has a dirty mind want to incline another person who does not have the same mind.  Some would say that Karen does not have a dirty mind.  Maybe no, maybe yes.  But the point is she loves living and being around trash because at the end of the day she feels her life is a mess because she has not had good examples leading her into a life of richness.  Greatness in the area of education and career status.  But because she dwelled in the dirt so long and has watched her parents dirt.  She lives in that dirty mind.  And when you live in dirt you dwell in dirt.  Can you get yourself out of the dirt?  Why sure you can! And as far as the rest of the people described in this chronicle the same goes for them.  They hang with dirty people because their mind and hearts are dirty.  And you will never find go getters who are real and true in the game hanging with people who are not going anywhere because they will feel those people are going nowhere and be around them suck the life out of them! What fellowship does darkness have with life?  None! And you will never find negative people hanging with positive people because who wants to hear someone being positive all the time?  And why would a positive person hang with a negative person?  They won’t because they do not want to be brought down with all that negative energy!  So those who dwell with the dirt love the dirt and stay in the dirt because they like being dirty!  Just know that you can wash that shyt off!

Signing off,

Dangerous Dan

12/2013


PIMP CHRONICLES 101...THESE USERS AND INSENSITIVE MUTHA FUCKAS! I LOATHE EM TOO! WHY DO THEY SEEM TO ALWAYS GET OVER???



Today is the day that I sit alone upright in a comfy chair and as always I seem to find a topic in life that I like to uncover because I have discovered and seen so much of and even experienced. Not only have I of course seen it with my very close counterparts and family members. But it is displayed and portrayed to the masses in so many ways these days. We see it on Direct TV, Dish TV, Digital TV and cable TV. You ask me what that may be. And here I sit behind my screen and tell you. Selfish, manipulative seekers!! Those undying bastards (men and women) that seem to only care for their flesh and not the flesh of others. So sit back and relax, I am going in and for the juggler today and I am not holding back as always! This Chronicle is not of my patients.



First and foremost let me explain myself. Over the past two years as the recession seems to get deeper and deeper and more cut throat and hardcore I have watched as people who are close and in my cypher have acted a pure unadulterated azz with their catty manipulative selfish bullshyt! You think I am angry huh? Well I may and could be, why? Because when you are a giver by nature and from your heart it gives a person like me a huge angst! In my opinion only you cannot receive anything in this life if you don't give anything! And that is realness at its finest! You cannot get anything or receive anything if your hands are always balled up in a fist. So just imagine the ones who are always taking and thinking on a master plan to take, use and get what you have and when they are done. They can just get up and walk away! Ohhhhh trust Dangerous Dan is going in!


Let me start off with “Shane” Shane is a well to do guy. I mean works when he wants to and how he wants to. But Shane has a huge problem! A real big problem! Shane has four children, one being an adult. Shane literally belittles and dogs his older son! He has no encouraging words for his son. His son does not work or got to school or doing anything progressive in life. His son has no self esteem at all!! He is over weight, has no pride in his appearance and sits in a dark or semi lit room all day and most of the night. Shane's other son who is in junior high school soon to be graduating and going to high school is a mad terror! This young man was and is giving any and everything he wants! Spoiled unlike Shane's oldest son. He speaks to Shane and his mother with mass disrespect. He smokes pot, drinks and has been screwing girls since he was twelve years old! This one use to live with Shane but now lives with his mother and her husband. I forgot to mention that Shane has four different mothers for all his children, Three of them stay with him. Then there are the youngest two, both being in elementary school. So right now they have no clue of too much. Well that is for now!


However Shane has never been married, has never thought of marriage because even though he likes to be in a relationship, long term relationships. He has never been faithful! Plus Shane likes men and women! Did you catch that one? Yes Shane kicks it with men and women. Nooooow! That is not all! Shane lives with his girlfriend of the past eight years. It is her house that the son they have together along with the other two children reside under her roof, her home, her rooms. Well I know you get the point. Now here is the funny and crazy part, Shane and his girlfriend or ex shall I say have not been together for the past year and a half! He has moved into one of the boys bedrooms. Putting all the boys including the adult in one room! While Shane's ex sleeps in the room they once shared. They have been living in separate rooms for the past year and a half!!! Keep up with me now, because this story gets mad crazy and full of excuse my french, fukery!


Shane does not contribute one dime to the household, meaning he doesn't pay bills in the house anymore. If and when he buys food it is for himself and what he wants to eat. He use to cook, but rarely does that anymore. He has the oldest son watching the two youngest sons all the time as well as leaving his son that he has with his ex have for her and his eldest to feed, get ready for school and bathe! Shane spends no time with his children at all taking them nowhere! But Shane manages to spend his money on himself, takes weekend vacations, week trips, comes and goes all times of the day and night. Sleeps in, takes naps and continues to use his ex and his eldest. Well you say, “She needs to wake up!” And indeed his ex does need to wake up. But she is in a fixated trance and feels that Shane will some day wake up and get it together. Meaning get back with he as well. What? Really? And she is fully aware of Shane's madness. The ex continues to do whatever Shane may ask. If that is cook, run errands, take him out, buy him clothes, money, gas in his car. Whatever Shane wants, yeap you got it! Shane gets!


Now let us do the flip-side of this BS! Shane will treat, takeout and do for others before he does for his family! In my southern accent, “where they do that at?!” Sorry my niece from Atlanta hipped me to that one! Anyways! Shane says he will move out, but hasn't. Shane says he has told his ex why they can no longer be together. And honestly folks, he has some very valid reasons for not being or staying involved with his ex. But using her, taking advantage of her, and manipulating your sons for your own benefit? Hmmmm....... Shane, Shane, Shane you are full of shame!


Let me move on to “Destiny” Destiny is a vixen of sorts I guess one could say. Not all super attractive but there are some things about her that are attractive. For one Destiny is very sharp and intelligent! And she has a way with words and knows how to get what she wants! Well Destiny met a man that is not on her level of men at all! She befriended this man doing her job, a stylist for celebrities she is. This man is obnoxious, overbearing, shyt starter, manipulative, highly insecure, and thinks he is more than what he is. He is in front of the camera and thinks that he is a major A celebrity and he is not! He constantly looks down on others and thinks he is way better than others.


Destiny just befriends this man and it turns out that this man is feeling Destiny. Let me fast forward here because I don't have time to give all of the itty bitty ends and outs of this story. Destiny is not working like she wants to in the industry and cash is low for her. So in steps “celebrity man” He pays bills, takes her shopping, pays rent, buys her a new used car. Every event he goes to she is there! Every red carpet, photo op, trips and vacations...Destiny is there. So now Destiny is in love with him, wait … or is she? Well from what she has told me and I have observed Destiny is still doing and seeing other men. Yes she is! And men that are not paying bills and giving her money!! Wait! I am confused! Are you not? Hmmm...so is it that she is using them for sex only? Has she dummied herself down? I would say so!


Destiny never speaks on the love that she has for “celebrity man” She only speaks of the hook-up and doors he has opened. What he is doing and has done for her. The many trips and clothes he has brought her. But never love! She uses him wholly and for the sake of arguing she says oh how she loves him and will marry him and that he is the one for her! Aha I cannot tell! The little bit of fame he does have and trust me it is little. And he does not have much. He has a room mate, and he doesn't have a car. And he doesn't work consistent. So he is like a G celebrity if you will! Now for some reason the many men that she has met over the past few years have not given in to her and done for her like this man has. The man that has done more and more and then some!! Here is the thing, they argue back and forth constantly, there is always drama. And with celebrity man needing his ego rubbed constantly. He is jealous of any and every man including males in her family that come around her! Get out of here! I can't take no more! But when you live this life, are about this life, will do anything to maintain this life. Even have sex with someone who is not all that in bed are that you are attracted to. Well....let the games begin!


Okay let us now get ready for my last example, and mind you all stories are true just that the names have been changed to keep the identity of others on close caption. Her name, we shall call her “Melissa” Melissa is in her late forties and has never worked a day in her life!!! Yes you have read that one right and correctly! If you walk in the front door of Melissa's house you may get caught up and taken advantage of five minutes of sitting in her home. Melissa is a hustler, thief, drug dealer, conning conniving manipulative woman of mass proportions! Melissa has five children three of which have moved out of her home. Three of them that do not like her and loathe the ground she walks on. Three children that she has used, hurt and got over on too many times.


Because she has not worked and robbed and have gotten over on some form of government assistance. There is nothing like getting over on family members! Example, a mother that pays all the bills in HER home and she pays none. The mother gets no respect of course she has issues. Health issues, a mad drinking problem and her mother in ornery as hell! Melissa “took her mother in” eight years ago and has robbed her blind so many times. It is absolutely ridiculous! And she has other people doing it as well. She gets a check from the government because she is “taking care of her mom” but she does nothing for her. She has had her mothers SSI disability check deposited in her account. She has one of her children who is an adult living with her that has three of her ex boyfriends living in the house!!! Melissa's daughter “Terry” has four children! And she is not even past her mid-twenties. One of the children that Terry has is by an old flame she is well over! The next three she has are two different men. Both of the men being bi-sexual and of course these three men living in the home! Sounds crazy huh? But this is real shyt! You cannot get any real than this! Trust me! Terry is pregnant with her fifth child from one of the bi-sexual guys that are living in the house. It is apparent that Terry loves bi-sexual men. Her mother now being and all out lesbian for the past thirty years of her life.


Melissa takes advantage of all the men and her daughter with all that she can. Rather that is pimping them for food, money, gas or whatever. They kindly give it to her. Melissa takes advantage of all her family and friends that will allow her too. And the funny ironic feature in this story that the conspirator Melissa deals with uses her to get what she wants from Melissa. Ohhhh what a tangled web we weave when we deceive!


I am literally drained right now from talking or should I say writing about all these characters!! I am bothered by their actions because it is time and time that I have heard them speak negative and I do mean highly negative about others who are family and friends that say or do negative things. Their noses go up immediately in the air and judge harshly. The people who see nothing wrong in what they do and how they do. Because of course we are speaking of selfish I can't see what I do wrong because it is all about me and me only people!

Now you know it is my job as a psychologist and therapist to break it down! So that is what I plan to do. Again me telling you that I am a giver, far from perfect. But one thing I do not like is the succubus in life that make it hard for those like myself. You know it is disheartening when you see someone who gets over time and time again when others struggle and have it hard in this economy. And when those who get over have no regard for those they use up!! Or even better those who have helped these type individuals out and God forbid now they “have” to assist them in some sort of way! They begrudge it dearly and act as if it is a nuisance and treat them like the shyt on the bottom of their shoe! Is that nice? Totally forgetting that this person assisted them.


Let me break down Shane first! Unfortunately Shane is a good friend of mine, not my best friend but a good one that I have known for years! Shane does have a giving heart! But you wouldn't think so by the things that he does. All of the women that Shane has gotten involved with or shall I say had children with were women that he at one point used in one way or the other. He as cheated on each and everyone of the women he has had a child by. And continues to get whatever he can from all of them except one. Shane cannot see the trees for the forest or the forest for the trees because he feels that there is nothing wrong with what he does and how he lives his life. I cannot co-sign as a man and say what he is doing to his ex he is presently living with right! I can't! Even though there are many men and women in their pimpery and playalistic ways that would applaud Shane! The other hand Shane's ex has allowed him to do and treat her the way he does.


See Shane is a very insecure man! So for one because of his childhood and the things that have happend to him in life he takes out on others. This I know for fact and truth. Shane was denied by his father all of his life until he became a full fledged adult. Seeing his father embrace his other children and never embrace him. A mother who beat him and at a young age was taken away from his mother and fostered in care by his moms sister his aunt. The aunt and her children verbally and emotionally abused Shane. Treated him as if he was a mere piece of lint in the atmosphere. They stole and took from him and he was never shown love. He was always embarrassed in front of his friends and had to get a job young to take care of himself. Okay so now enters why Shane cannot be a good dad. Now he can if he wants to, break the curses of his life. But Shane CHOOSES to be the way that he is. He has never beat his kids but he neglects them horribly as he was. No one gave or did for Shane growing up and his power was taken from him. So he has to belittle his children, he has to belittle the women he gets in relationships with. He manipulates them, uses them and soon after getting involved with these women he is ruling over them and they probably cannot tell you how it happened. All of them have some super form of low self-esteem just as he does. Shane cannot take advantage of any woman or person that has a strong will or self-esteem at all! Shane cannot truly or dearly love his children or spend anytime with them because no one has done it for him. Growing up he was forced to babysit his cousins. Adults not asking just leaving the children with Shane. So this is why Shane is this way. I said this is the reason. But it does not have to be this way at all!!! Life is full of choices!! And Shane chooses to deal with woman and men that have low self-esteem that he can get over on, rule over, use and hurt. He cannot be a real man that does what he was suppose to. Shane sees the ugly on other people quickly because of the life he has had as a child and young adult!


I have told Shane he is wrong many of times! And of course he knows it but his answer is so what! And when I tell him he needs to move out of the house Shane replies. “I am not going anywhere!” See what users, haters, hurters and manipulators do? How selfish they are!


Let me now speak on Destiny! Destiny is just thirsty period!! A woman who is trying to make it in this industry, entertainment industry and all the real assistance that she was promised never got to her for her with her none of that! Promises, promises, promises and props she has gotten from some in the industry. And her work should speak for herself. But for her she needs that quick fix and will do whatever she has to do with a man that has low self esteem and starts an argument with her every other day. A man who questions her all the time of the men and places she hangs out at. A man who she finds repulsive in bed. A man who is overly needy. She uses and gets the small gains what and which make her feel special because there are of course a lot of people that know who “he is” but who he is is not much. So what he has followers on FaceBook, Twitter and all that other menial social media bullshyt! But his contacts is what Destiny needs. Destiny will continue to cheat on him because she is not in love nor faithful to her “celebrity” And she will never be!


Destiny had told me “I love him and it is all about him” I replied then why do you cheat. And why when you speak of HIM you only speak of what has he done for you. What you need him to do and what you want him to do? There is no answer at all!! She simply has nothing to say.

So let us break it down in regards to Destiny. Destiny comes from the place “the survival of the fittest” and since she has always been a hard worker and not too much given to her. She has that attitude that she can have and get whatever she wants at anytime. I understand that her life has been a bit hard. But she loathes and despises when she sees others take advantage of people she may and may not know. See Destiny is suffering from low self-esteem. You ask how? Because she has lowered herself to be, argue, sleep and around a man that she likes and doesn't like at the same time. Even though she is far from unattractive. She has reduced herself to be with a man she says that she sees herself marrying and that they were “made for each other” when it is all far from the truth! She feels she can do no better! And what “famous” man will give her any attention? She is not Americas Next Top Model. She is not all of that in her head. So she is settling for less because time is passing her by. And when will she ever get the opportunity? If Destiny believed in herself and worked hard and pushed herself and didn't rely on anyone to push her to where she needed to go. She is already in the industry! She has met and came across so many wonderful people. She has gotten closer to her dreams but can't see it because she sees others and how they are much further than she is. While her rent is always behind, her bills always due and most times delinquent. She drives a BMW, used and another used older BMW her celebrity man bought her. She lives from day to day. Even though she is at most Hollywood events because of some of the places she has worked and she has gone to many celeb events. She is still fronting and unhappy and worried about what the next person has and she doesn't. Player hurting from the sidelines. Yes player hurting! Wanting to be like other players in the game of life and hurting to get there! Destiny cannot see her demise, she says over and over how much she cares but her actions do speak the opposite! I loathe Destiny for what she is doing because she would not want anyone to do her the same way. And she is acting just like the other women she so despises and loathes.


Last on the list is Melissa, sad to say that she is a lost cause at this point in her life. And by her age and life passing her by. And the way her mind is and the state it is in. She would need me to counsel her daily for the next year. She would have to work, get rid of all the drama in her house and be a real woman for once in her life. But Melissa comes from a world of rape, molestation, cruelty and angst. There were no good examples for parents. And truth be told she really doesn't like her mother or father. She could careless about them. And if it weren't for her mother paying all of the bills and rent in her home and plus her expenses she would not be there. Oh and yes there is drama with the mother and all of the other room mates in the home. But Melissa has self hate, holding hate against so many, yes low self esteem of course. She is so insecure about so much in her life and has no faith or hope in life at all. Her parents being the foundation of it all! She has tried to get them to at least acknowledge their wicked ways but of course they don't see what they have and are still doing. There is and always has been hectic drama episodes in Melissa's life. She knows no other way. And she is so desensitized to the world her needs and others because she has gotten lost in the shuffle. She wants to get out but now she doesn't want to try!


Listen!! And I do mean read...I can understand that a lot of Americans, people are taking advantage more and more than ever because we live in the last days. Not only that the money is so damn funny it is far from funny. And everyone wants their fifteen minutes of fame and also wants to get their foot in the door by all rushing to the front door!! Because who doesn't want to enter through the front door VIP for all to see? We need that feel and vibe, energy of people adoring us. Getting what we want and when we want it. How we want it as well. The power having money lusting fiends and everyday hoars and hoards that consume the very air we all breathe! Listen... I am saying to see these people in action ruling with an unloving caring fist. A “I love you” but to show you and love you like you should be and how you want me I won't and I can't! Selfish succubus that take and steal what they need to give themselves esteem, security. Trust me these people are more messed up in the head than the many that allow them to do, say and be the way that they are. So how can I get super overly overwhelmingly upset. But just being okay with walking, skipping, hiking,

jumping and trolloping on people because you can says a lot. See I would rather be a pimp in many other ways! You feel me? I love being the man that I am! A strong and brave mutha fucka that reps for the lowly but has high ideas! My practice and hard work have shown many how you can do it! I didn't have to rely on anyone to help me. Use or take advantage of anyone! And hell yes there has been many that I have seen that had gotten there a long time ago from who they ate and slept with. From using and abusing. I figured when it is my time I will get mine! And I have. I am a lover of life and a giver. And will continue to be. So as I have told you and vented about the lowly who don't care, if this is you on the other end that allows men/women to walk over you and use you? This is your wake up call! Get over them and their bullshyt! Move on! For you that are these people, shame shame on you because remember you know what you do and when you are doing it. You may be getting it now, but you will get it later on. The oz has spoken!....


Signing off,

Dangerous Dan


Just Toy”

Written Expressions

5/2013

 

PIMP CHRONICLES 101.......THE LIES WE TELL OURSELVES WHEN WE ARE BEING SELFISH AND USERS!!



Let me say this, we are users and we are all selfish. I am saying a lot being a man who loathes categorizing! But here I do it with pride and wear a big S on my chest! From babies to senior citizens we all crave and want our way more than a few times in our lives. We all use people for something in our lives. Rather that be a ride somewhere, advice, to listen, a favor I mean need I go on? Do we use intentionally? Not for the small things no. Are we selfish to where it is overwhelming and consuming? Not for the many small things in life. But of course there is a degree to this logic. Some of us are very selfish that we could care less of what others want or need. It is there way or the highway! There are the many users who go into situations and know firsthand this is what they are going to do. Use a person for just their money, sex, cars, homes dinners, shopping need I go on? And this can be the person who is selfish and could careless how a person feels about it; and do this with no feelings. Using people intentionally being extremely selfish at the same damn time. Which isn't hard for these narcissist!


My life alludes me to a place that I would love to be in all day everyday. But because I would like to be an example of a man who does not do that. Nor do I want to make enemies being this person. I have a mad disdain for those who do have this nature and wear it like a badge of courage! Because they do have the courage to be selfish users! Unfortunate for me I have never met a selfish user that I liked and loved. Maybe in the beginning but in the end we of course part ways from each other. And it is me who is doing the parting. So as we take this ride down this road, hold on and brace yourselves!! You are in for a ride!


I will call him “Craig” Craig is a man of life and vibrant colors! Craig has a booming personality and can actually sale piss to a parrot! I kid you not! There is not one job that he has gained or not been able to get because of his mouth. Craig is a womanizer, overtly sexual, always in the middle of relationship and financial drama. Great dresser and is the best front man anyone could meet. When I say front man I mean, Craig has a way of having you believe one thing and it is something else. A very smart sharp and intelligent man who should have been a millionaire at the age of twenty-five.


I met Craig five years ago at a technology convention. I was going to this convention to get me a new phone and some new office equipment I would be shipping back home. As I was walking the aisle I saw at least seven people gathered in front of this booth and more people were walking over. So of course I was now curious as to why people were gathered and more were gathering in front of this booth. Not that it wasn't uncommon. I was just paying close attention to this particular booth. As I got closer I saw in the front of me an attractive man spitting a lyrical game so trump tight and pitching a wonderful soliloquy in a sale to all these people. There were five other people that stood behind him with their hands behind their backs. They were smiling and shaking their heads yes as Craig was preaching. As people began to buy and reps help. I now took a look at the products that were on display and was very impressed. I was a tech head and I had done my research on this company and promised myself that I would give them some of my business. So by the time that Craig had walked over to me his sale was easy. I pointed out what I want and bought everything I needed right there.


Craig and I talked for about twenty minutes exchanging business cards. He and I had a lot in common and his engaging banter drew me into his humor and the aliveness that surrounded him. What I was getting from Craig was that he was a go-getter and a positive dude.


Let me tell you that Craig and I formed a bond quick and are very close! And also let me state this, I have no idea of all the many houses, condos, apartments, bungalows, roommates, lovers and situations Craig has had or lived at! That is how many times he has moved; the many places he has lived. Craig also has had at least ten hustles, and I must say all of his hustles and ideas has lubricated his pockets very nicely! He has had many jobs as well, and all of the jobs has paid him great salaries. I just always took this as Craig being Craig this is what he does. Until it got personal!


Craig is a man who falls in love quick and has a lot of women at the same damn time! He loves to spoil women of his choice and he loves to use women of his choice. Craig has had women pay mortgages, rent, bills cell phones, clothes, cars, got loans, money all that he can from a woman. And Craig will pretend that he “feels” a certain type of way for a woman but he is really not. He will juice and sex this woman and have her/them give religiously to his church. He knows how to find these weak minded women that all have money in an instant. And the women he loves either don't want him and are using him for sex and a good time. There are also the women that give to him that act an ass with drama in his life and on his life when they “feel” he is cheating, lying and using them. It is a vicious circle and a vicious life!


Now I always felt that Craig and I had an understanding. But the understanding that I thought we had was only me being apart of it. Though I knew about Craigs life I just didn't get deeply involved because there was one thing or another in regards to his tumultious life. So while we hung out and spoke frequently; When Craig would reveal some of his drama and his mess I would side track to another topic and not get deeply involved. Honestly it was the same thing on a different day. However when we hung out we had a fabulous time! Any club, lounge, bar or concert that I wanted to go to Craig got me in. He paid for trips and vacations for us to go on. He would also take me shopping, what I mean by that is. We would go looking at suits or just something to wear at to wherever we were going and then he would pay!


Well now we get to the point! I had to come out to the west coast for a year. And just so happened that Craig was now back there. He had been living on the west coast now for three years. At this time I had no idea that he had been from piddle to pole and barely keeping a roof over his head. Me being me and the relationship that we had, once I touched down I reached out. Craig at the time was renting a two bedroom condo he could no longer afford. I was going to be there for a year. So I agreed to help Craig help me. Now with all this helping one another I had no idea that the gas, electricity, the internet along with association fees were allllll past due! By the way his Direct TV was already cut off. Even though I really didn't watch much TV I was comfortable with having it around! And Craig had not paid a full months rent in three months. But I knew it was his mouth that was keeping him there. Craig told me he was a bit behind on his bills but didn't tell me how past due he really was. So I moved in and had what I needed shipped there by my personal assistant.


Once I had began to really settle in I had saw a few things that were not good for me already. We all have our little idiosyncrasies! But my brother was living foul! And I was aghast because what woman was coming up in here and laying up with this man? Maybe he was going through it so much that cleanliness wasn't on his list of things to do! So I immediately jumped online and found a cleaning service to come clean the condo. It was a very nice and spacious! And what little furniture that Craig had in it was nice. And I was indeed a organized man I had to be for myself or I would get lost so I had to have it clean. And once the crew came to clean I wanted them to come Monday, Wednesday and Saturday!


The condo also had a musky odor so I opened up every window and sliding door in the house! I had purchased some cleaning products, house sprays burning oils and bathroom products because Craig had nothing in the house to clean with nor did he have any food! So you see how I had just begun to spend money? But stay with me! Only one day at the condo and the electricity is turned off! Right in the middle of me working on my laptop. I had no more juice in my battery and here I was needing to finish up my letter and send an email off. Ohhh how truly livid and perturbed I was! I wanted to beat the shyt out of Craig! But that would do no good. And when I called him to tell him what happened, he didn't answer the phone. I of course had paid the bill over the phone which was a whooping $500!! I was close to a thousand dollars. Craig lied and said he was on his way to pay it. And he gave me only half of the money back because he then confessed he had to pay the gas and internet bill which would soon be cut off! Damn....what did I get myself into?


Yes I stayed...why? Because that was my boy and I loved him and it was apparent he needed me. But I was only going to help out so much. I would not be a crutch for Craig, or so I thought.... Craig gave me a hundred dollars back. But could not buy food, keep gas in his car nor could he talk up on any money from some cutie. He was at his lowest, a place he has been oh so many times. The women that he was using had saw through him and had finally left him alone! Which I should have done when the red flags went up! I knew what I was in for, just didn't know the depth!


I had also wrote a check to the owner of the condo he was renting from and paid three months rent in advance. Little did I know that the money I had given to Craig to give to them was only knocking his debt down that he already owed! And it was only a drop in the bucket! Craig was six months really behind rent. And he was only paying half of his rent! So all this money he was getting from women did not go to a bill but to him and the women he was wining and dining. But apparently the check saved him and us (unbeknownst to me) and it showed that he was “working” on it.


Damn this chronicle is getting long....


So that I can finish this story up. Two months before I was to leave more and more madness, lies, drama and angst had me reeling. Craig got evicted! And so was I! So all the money I gave towards rent and bills, food, cleaning service and I turned Direct TV back on! All of it was a complete waste! My boy and brother from another mother had done me cold dirty! I now had to pack up my things as Craig. What had angered me the most was that Craig acted as if what he had done was not WRONG! He immediately told me that he would rent a U-Haul and that he would move my stuff to wherever I wanted and I don’t have to worry about paying him. I failed to mention that when I moved in with Craig he was unemployed. But he had found a job about two months of me being there. I was feeling alrighty then since he had found a gig! However since this menace to society of lies and selfishness knew he was being evicted he had already found a new place for him to stay!


I moved into a corporate living apartment until it was time for me to leave and come back home. I was done! And I do mean done! I blocked Craig from any and every way he could get a hold of me. I was hurt by how Craig had treated me. We were boys! Brothers!


Four years have past and gone. And I have ran into Craig a few times! He acts as if nothing happened. As if we were still close. I speak and I walk away. Craig to this day still tries and reach out to me through various people who are close to me. But I don't bite. And by the way Craig never said thank you for helping him and never once apologized and acknowledged his wrong doings, the lies I caught him in. the monies I lost!


I used myself in this chronicle today and decided not to use any of the people I have met or counseled. Just me, and yes the damnedest things happen to me. And also what I want you to note, I knew that Craig was a liar and a selfish user. But since he had not done anything harmful to me I was okay. Though I reprimanded him all the time about his behavior and how much better of a person he could be and a financial success. It went in, well it never went in it just fell on deaf ears is all. We know users and extremely selfish people. But are you, you the one reading this the person that is so selfish like Craig that at all cost you did you? Or are you the person who knows you have been a little zealous in regards to being selfish and using people and you shouldn't? Note to self (you) users and extremely selfish people get so far in life and always always have to start over and go back more steps than what they took to get there in the first place!


Signing off,

Dangerous Dan


“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

12/2012



PIMP CHRONICLES 101…..WHEN FRIENDSHIP OVERWHELMS YOU!! OR IS IT THE HATERS? HMM..MAYBE THEY ARE FOLLOWERS?

 

 

For all that know me, or have followed my work.  You do know that I work hard and that I at times get so caught up in my work that I will take out very little time for myself.  But as always when I am on vacation mentally and emotionally I always get in a place where my family, friends and even those who I have just met need me in some way or another.  So that is what leads me into this chronicle today.  And for a person who likes to set confused situations and people on the right path.  This chronicle comes with too many angles to set myself on one!

I set my journey off first with going to Aspen Colorado for a four day weekend to just relax, relate release therapy.  I left feeling refreshed and cold having met some wonderful people that were beautiful and had more issues that I can recall.  But hey I hadn’t been to Colorado in years.  I had a timeshare so why not use the bonus points I had accumulated? Next was Sin city since I wasn’t far from it.  I wanted to be wild and what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.  And let me just say that I gambled, stayed up late nights, ate like a pig and I wined and dined some gorgeous women.  No strings attached.   Since I was on a hot roll and needed me some damn heat and warmth.  I went to visit and see a very dear and close friend of mine who lived in the fabulous and wonderful city of Miami! I will call him “Mitch” and of course I would be staying with him and his long term live in girlfriend of ten years.

When I was picked up from the airport Mitch and I caught up on old times, laughs and family.  Most of our conversations were at least an hour or longer when we did talk.  But what I thought was a thirty year friendship that we had shared since we were in elementary school would soon be a lie and a false premise of what I deemed as “best friends” and this time spent with Mitch would take me on a ride I will rather soon to forget! Let me so state for the record that on this trip I would lose a lot of respect for a man I had tons of respect for!

When I arrived at the house it was cheery and warm as it always has been when I came to see Mitch and his longtime girlfriend “Mal” I soon found out that Mal and Mitch had been sleeping in separate bedrooms for the past year and that their relationship was ending on a seriously bad note.  Nothing that Mitch had shared with me.  I also found out that Mitch had fathered a baby four years ago that was born prematurely and had learning disabilities.  Was this the straw that had broken the camel’s back between Mitch and Mal?  Nope it was not!

It was one day that Mal and I who were close had the opportunity to have a talk.  Of course me being who I am and what I do I had to be careful in my approach in speaking with Mal about what was going on.  Mal seemed all too eager to tell me all that was going on.  One Mal and Mitch were openly seeing other people.  And that when Mitch had gotten this young lady pregnant it was at a separation period.  Mal and Mitch had separated for close to two years!  This of course was news and a shock to me.  Not only that Mitch barley spent time with his child and was always gone running the street as if he was some young man again.  Not that he was bitterly old, but too old to be doing what he was doing.  Again I was very surprised.  Mal had told me that Mitch stayed at home most days and that he was now a  procrastinator giving people the illusion that he was the man to know.  Mitch was letting others control and run his business.  My best friend Mitch?! Are you serious? I felt as if I was caught up in a script and I was not being paid to be a fukn extra!

Now here is when the shyt gets eerie! Mitch has never been a leader always a follower.  And I will admit that the clingy side of Mitch was something that always got up under my skin!  If and when I came to visit Mitch would text or call me asking me where I was and wanting to be underneath me all the time.  If he was invited to go somewhere or had errands to run Mitch always wanted me to go.  And if I didn’t want to go I would see the disappointment in his face and body language. The other thing that bothered me was that Mitch would interrupt me any and every time I got on my phone!  No really!  Even if I went outside he would come and look for me and ask me the silliest question or show me something on his I pad that could wait until I got off the phone.  I could be on my laptop writing and even if I had headphones on, which was a sign that I was tuning everything out.  Mitch again would interrupt me.  I was growing increasingly bothered by this selfish shyt he was pulling!  I also saw how inconsiderate he was towards Mal.  They had not had sex in a little over a year and here Mitch was treating her as if they were still in a relationship.  Depending on her to not only do most of not all of the household duties.  But expecting her to still cook and take care of his personal errands.  Such as picking up and taking his clothes to the cleaners. He expected her to also after a long day of work come home and do his bidding.  Something that Mal had revealed to me she was increasingly tired of this.  And that it didn’t matter what she felt he never asked he just told her.  And one thing I didn’t like amongst a sleuth of things that Mitch had done.  He would fuss at her and belittle her in front of me.  The fact that Mitch would sit around all day and talk on the phone to his many friends and lovers in his silk robe and pajamas all day and TELL Mal what he wanted to eat and where he wanted her to go.  I was there for three weekends as the mother of his child would drop his son off and this selfish bastard would leave the child on Mal to tend to not spending any time with him at all!  Acting as if this child was a non-entity!  I was appalled to say the least.  And I really wanted to get in the middle of everything and fix it.  But this was not my job; this was not why I was here.

Now the few times we did hang out I noticed that Mitch would do what I do.  Speak as I spoke and mimic me in a lot of things which was very disturbing. One example and I thought maybe I was putting too much into it; we were invited to a gathering and I wanted to go to the mall and pick up something to wear.  When I made my purchase Mitch had purchased the same linen suit and shoes.  Forcing me to take back and buy something totally different. I didn’t want to be twins!  I had purchased cologne that I really didn’t care for just to see if Mitch would buy it.  And he did!  I had spoken up on a wild swinger’s party I had wanted to go to.  This was far from what Mitch was about.  He loved women and getting laid but I just knew when I told him I was going to a swingers party he would pull back.  Nope!  Not at all!! He was right there standing side by side with me and when I moved he moved just like that! So now it was time for me to literally take more notice and get in that azz!! There were some deep rooted issues that my best friend was going through.  And I will break that down for you and him!  And no swinging is not my thing.  But I was pushing the envelope here.  I am far from a virgin and far from innocence!

First let me state this, there are a lot of people that are in the same situation.  For one as Mitch was growing up he was an abused child by his father.  His mother acted as if she had never gave birth to him until much later so there are some issues of validity here.  Mitch needs to be validated so therefore he has a lot of friends.  Or what he thinks is friends and he stays gone all the time and on the phone all the time because he doesn’t like who he is and is scared to be alone with his own feelings.  There is also a compulsive shopping issue that Mitch has.  I hadn’t really paid attention to it.  But every day and at least twice a day he was walking in the house with a bag or some bags.  Whew!  Let me back up and take a damn breather because my boy was going through it!

Mitch said he loved his children.  But it was not the sort of parental love that was “normal” Mitch said he loved his children because it was expected of him to love his children.  But he didn’t at all!  Because he was abused by his dad and abandoned by his mother.  Raised by his aunt and uncle who’s children mistreated him and so did the aunt at times.  There was no real example of love.  And so how can you show love if you don’t know how to give it?  And this is for a lot of people in this world who want to be loved and give love and have an “idea” of what love is.  And if that “idea” of love does not measure up  then that person continues to “find” love in others that they felt they have missed.  Annnnd not only that they are very critical on how love should be given to them.  Hence this is what Mitch has been doing all his life. Mitch loves having someone in his life and never being married he has settled for long term relationships that have never been fulfilling at all. And this is what makes him cheat.  Does Mal have a problem?  Sure she does she has been with Mitch so long that she has “allowed” him to run over her and she has no backbone when she wants to express how she feels! And when she has in the past he turns it all around on her convincing her that she is the problem and that is why they are “going” through what they are going through and he has been the one that has been “tolerating” her failures.  Why?  Because he “loves” her!

Mitch needs acceptance so he has all of these “friends” who validate him with giving him attention and taking him away from the things he does not want to face.  Again i.e. always staying gone and always on the phone.  Be leery of these types of people, because they are hectic.  Some of them bring hectic drama and some are closeted and secretive and will never let you know what they are going through.  That is Mitch! Mitch loves me, no not in a gay way.  But he respects me and wants to be me because he has never had the propensity or drive to get more and have more though he speaks on this all the time.  Being the age that he is I don’t feel that Mitch will try to change who he is right now. So the way he shows me that he admires me and loves me is by trying to immolate me and agree with me in a lot of cases in how I perceive things not being himself.  The cry for attention also comes with Mitch having to interrupt me when I am on a business call or I am working because he wants to be the centre of attention and wants me all to himself.  Mitch is a very good listener and most of the people he associates with have a lot of self-esteem issues and drama.  That makes him feel good to know that he can help someone else with their issues and be a sounding board for them. In order to get love in the way he needs to be fulfilled he finds it in others with deep rooted issues.  They cling to him and he clings to them.  And there you have it “LOVE” is in the building!

Mitch knows that Mal is so over him but really can’t let go because he is afraid of being alone.  So walking away and cutting it off completely is hard for him to do because of the guilt feeling.  That gut feeling is, his mom cut him off and some of his family cut him off.  And that is not a feeling he wants anyone to feel from him.  Now Mitch does have a relationship with his mom and dad but on his end it is very strained.  Just like some people refer to their fathers as sperm donors.  He refers to his mother as an egg donor. So guess what?  While Mitch professes his mother was an egg donor, so is he with his children, a sperm donor.  No one taught or showed him how to.  No real examples of how to be a parent. So therefore the children that he has have will not have parental skills and the cycle will continue unless the mothers of his children raise them differently!

Running around and jumping in and on a man or a woman does not make you fulfilled in life.  It opens you up for more let downs and pains.  Now fortunately with Mal she brought a lot to the table.  A very successful and educated woman who handles her business.  I still do not know the real reason as to why they are no longer in a committed relationship.  Neither will openly discuss this with me.  But I am proud to say that after I started this chronicle Mal packed her things and found her a place of her own and furnished it.  That was her reason of staying so long.  She had gotten over the relationship and cut ties of the emotions of “helping” Mitch with his. That was her problem caring about things that concerned him and not her. Of course this hurt and rocked Mitch’s world! 

Now with Mitch seeing other women, I can guarantee you this.  He will choose one of those women and have her move in and create an instant love to fulfill his need for loneliness because he doesn’t like to see who he is. Sometimes in life you must for your own good be coldhearted.  And yes I had to let Mitch know that he was very and inconsiderate and selfish.  That when he feeeels he is being given and loyal to his friends he doesn’t see that he is NOT being loyal to his live in lovers or his children. 

Check yourself before you wreck yourself! Pay attention to the things that you DO and not run away from your problems into more problems.  Another example, Mitch would see at least two or maybe three things in a woman or friend that registers as a great thing.  And will see the entire negative in the person that he does not like and still continue on with the relationship knowing that it will not work at all! But he is “saving” that person and not saving himself!  Does any of this fit you?  If so maybe you need to holla at a player so we can get you right.

Signing off,

Dangerous Dan

Follow me on Twitter @PimpingDan

11/2012

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

 

 PIMP CHRONICLES 101….ALL THIS CONFUSION SURROUNDING YOU! AND GUESS WHAT?  YOU ARE THE CAUSE OF IT ALL!

Umm I am sooo trying to understand the mindset of people.  And that is how I start this Pimp Chronicle off.  I want and hope to help today clear up some major things right now.  I Professor Dan have a lot to say to you.  Let us get to the point, because I am about to get Dangerous Dan on all of ya’ll!  Now of course in the process this may not apply to all so let’s not get sensitive those of you who know me know that I get right to the root of things.

I had to spend some time with family and close friends.  And of course being who I am I quickly saw the dysfunction in the mix of their lives.  Take for instance one of my best friends I had grown up with I will call him “Justin” Justin and I would have conversations of him expressing how bad he was having it in his personal life, work life, family and finances.  My heart would feel a certain type of way.  Because my boy was hurting! It seemed as if he couldn’t stay on his feet with a job which caused issues for him to pay bills and rent, plus take care of his daughter. Then on the personal side of things he had gotten out of a relationship that was a bit over a decade.  This was the only relationship he had been in really coming straight out of college.  There was also him trying to reach his goals and make his dreams come true.  All of this was giving him grief.  Well once I had come back home because we hadn’t seen each other in four years but kept in contact with each other.  He had come to pick me up from my hotel.  When I got in his car I had seen a problem already.  The first problem I saw was how dirty his car was.  I really didn’t want to get in his car but of course said nothing about it.  It was his car. When we arrived to his house to hang back and throw a couple of beers back and watch the football game.  I stepped in and saw the most repugnant shyt one could ever witness!!! This man’s house looked like the outside on the inside! His carpets were way beyond filthy.  It also didn’t help that he had a dog! And the blanket that the dog slept on in the living room floor was filthy! There were empty containers of food and cups all over the tables and floors.  Plates and glasses, dirty clothes and clean clothes.  Papers everywhere and he was using his tables and desk as ashtrays! I was completely shocked and surprised my boy was living in muck! It was so off the chain in his home I didn’t want to sit down!  And it was apparent that this didn’t bother him because he invited me over to wallow in the shyt! And since now that he was single again I was wondering what woman was coming over here and lying up in this repugnant ditch with him! His house…okay you get my point! I sat at the desk chair he had because I didn’t trust that couch.  It looked as if he had found that in an alley by a dumpster and salvaged it!

As I began to ask a question here and there, do my probing and investigating without making him feel bad.  Justin was fully aware of what I did for a living and what I majored in while I was in school.  So I was treading on thin ice.  But I revisited in my mind all of the things he told me when we spoke.  Justin had been telling me how he was now on the verge of a mental breakdown! And hell I could see it right before my eyes! He was repeating over and over the same cycle he had been in for the past four years! And he was not getting the lesson, which means to bring less of you in the situation the next time this same thing comes up.  Justin was letting his problems consume him.  And he felt that what he was doing was getting himself out of the whole temporarily was actually digging a deeper hole!

See my friend Justin was living his depression and in the state no longer caring if at all cared about what his car and home looked like.  That was the last thing he worried about.  But when your life is so full of emotional and mental disorder it will soon show hence Justin’s home.  When I went to his bedroom to go to the bathroom there were clothes and boxes and the same repugnant filth along with dirt and dust everywhere.  Little did Justin know that he had a psychological break down, all mental! His life was running and ruining him where in awhile he was not going to be able to walk in his home hence his problems as he had told me when we were talking he was close to a nervous breakdown!

I have encountered people like this many times.  When I meet people like this that come in my office for counseling I wonder so many things.  And I do ask questions about their daily lives routines, goals and aspirations.  Most of these people are all over the place don’t have a set time to go to bed have no schedule.  Run late all the time, people running in and out of their house.  Some of them can do well for others but cannot do that for themselves.  And yet when they go out of their way to do things for others it’s overwhelming.  They are consumed by day to day problems and personal issues that some people deal with and keep moving.  These people right here don’t and have a hard time doing that.

As you know I am not a huge TV fan.  However I do have satellite TV and get every channel they offer.  Why?  Because I date and entertain people in my personal life that watch it and it entertains them.  Do I hold that against them?  Of course not! But as I was one day flipping through channels I came across a show called Hoarders that is on A&E.  For any of you that are not aware of this show let me give you a very brief run down on what it is about.  People who have not only issues with hoarding, which some may call being a pack rat.  They also have issues with organization and keeping their house clean.  Some of these people homes are deteriorating.  They may have an extreme issue with rats and definitely a plethora of roaches run rapidly in their homes.  There is spoiled food in their refrigerator, trash piled up high everywhere! Dishes that have not been washed in months and for some almost years.  Their bathrooms, I will not speak on the filth that resides in there.  It is beyond human living.  Some buy clothes and products and never use or wear any of it.  Some could hardly walk in their houses there was so much in their way to get around.  Boxes, clothes, trash and whatever else.  So what happens is a psychologist comes in that deals with people that have these issues OCD and hoarding.  They come in and help them organize and get their lives on track.  In every case each person had something drastic happen to them that made them get to this point in their lives.  Most of the cases someone they loved had died.  And for the others they had divorced or had a relationship that ended.  Hence what happened to my boy Justin.  His breakdown came when his relationship ended.  This relationship produced a child that he would no longer be able to live with and see daily. A woman who wanted to marry him so badly even when he was at his down moments she still wanted him.  And trust me while they were together he still went through it with keeping a job.  While Justin was working and doing well he didn’t want to get married.  He claimed that he wanted to have a great job where he could buy a house and provide a better life.  Well that still hasn’t come.  And now the Ex has a great job, well she always did.  She bought a house and she has her pick of any man she wants to deal with.  Justin stayed depressed for two years over this relationship! Because his ex was pressuring him about marriage, after awhile of doing it she was done with the relationship and told Justin he had to move out!  Good for her because she saw that after ten years and a five year old child Justin was not going to say “I do”

Justin not fully happy with jobs and not keeping them led towards his spiral downfall. Losing his family and not really having anywhere to go when she gave him so long to pack up.  He had nowhere to go.  He was from house to house.  And barely making it.  This threw off his organization skills, his goals, his hustles, his dreams and then it fell over in his home and car.  Nothing but walking around in a funk!

When you let trials and tribulations consume you it shows! Some show by eating, sleeping and their hygiene.  And trust when I seen Justin the whole month I was there he not once looked as if he was fresh out of a shower and neither did I invite him out somewhere for fear I would feel he would embarrass himself. He started to care less and less about his appearance.

Now Justin had begun this behavior when he had broken up with his long time girlfriend who wanted marriage but he didn’t want to get married.  Let me pause and say this to you. Justin has done some commendable things since I have been away.  Finishing up school getting his degree and he even earned a certification.  But hasn’t been proactive in his own life! Looking for a job, motivating himself and taking all that depression and reversing it!  Have you ever seen a woman lose weight and get a new haircut when she loses her long time lover, husband or boyfriend?  Well they take those negative feelings and press and push through the hurt and pain.  Some people are not capable of doing that.  I am using my friend Justin as the example but I have counseled many people who have been in the same position as Justin. And when you are not able to move on and not hold onto hurt and emotions you will be and act the same way.

Justin had confusion in his life all the way around!  From the people he dealt with as friends and the women he dated.  He was constantly desperate for a woman.  There were complaints but the ones he chose dogged him and no longer wanted to be with him. Justin also didn’t see his him as an issue.  I am sure that when these women saw how he lived and tried to help and saw no changes in sight they left!  Justin was needy and didn’t know it.  So many emotions that Justin has not dealt with.  Placing him in the category of just barely surviving.  Complacent and yet always complaining how bad things are for him. 

These people cannot see sunlight if it slapped them in the face. When you are confused about whom you are, and you’re afraid of success because all the things you really wanted didn’t work out.  People like give up too soon.  You have to push through depression and not let that shyt stick to you! Not let anyone have that much power over you and your life!  How dare we allow ourselves to live a hoarder lifestyle from so much baggage we carry around on our shoulders!

When you are feeling displaced, unloved, seems like all is failing and going awry.  Go ahead and take a break, give yourself a pity party. Tell the story to all that will listen.  But don’t go back and keep complaining about it to the same people.  Lie in the house and feel it, wallow in it.  Then get up! Don’t let any person place or thing dictate your life and have power over you!  You have to fight!  Fight for your life and not be so quick to settle for less and expect less out of life but bullshyt!  Not every person in this world has not gotten to where they are without fighting for it.

I will admit that there are so many barriers that we fight daily and then when we decide on changing, doing something different and exciting it may cause a few riffs in the valley.  But that is okay!  Billionaires and millionaires didn’t get there without any problems and issues along the way.  And they still have to work at their fortune and keep the wrinkles ironed out every day.  Don’t give up…

A woman came in my office, I will call her “Mel” Mel was a very beautiful woman but had literally let herself go.  How Mel got to me was a very good friend of hers had heard about me and she offered to pay for Mel to come see me.  I was glad that she did, Mel was on the verge of some serious self destruction!

Mel had let not only a bad relationship get her down. But she had words with her mother about something small and her mother died of a heart attack later that day.  So she was carrying a lot of grief and pain in her heart. Not even her ex came around to comfort her in her time of need.  And that made Mel feel more hurt.  Of course she had people that were there for her, a very good friend was one of them.  But Mel had begun to spiral slowly.  Some people noticed and some didn’t.  She became distant from people.  She wasn’t as social anymore.  She didn’t take the same pride in her appearance.  Her work suffered on her job.  And unfortunately people can take so much.  So she eventually lost her job.  When Mel’s best friend had gone to her house she had thought she had walked through a cyclone! She was shocked and very surprised.  She was still seeing, talking, going out, hanging out with Mel but hadn’t realized it had been awhile since she had last come to Mel’s home. That is when Mel was brought to me.

Mel needed compassion, but she also needed firmness and it was not going to be an easy 1 2 3 thing and Mel was going to shape up.  Ohhh No! No!  No! This indeed was work. And we did it, we recovered very well.  I understand a lot of people don’t do therapy.  But we as friends that see this should pull our friend and family members and ask what is really going on. 

I spoke to Justice my third week back of being home. I took him out and we had a great time and I became serious when we got back to my suite.  I told him I would recommend some people to him that can help him and that he needed to clean his home up and his life.  I told him I would put new carpet paint and help fix it up.  But he had to speak to a person who would help get organized and stay that way.  He needed counseling for so many emotions he had not let go.  I wanted to help my friend because this was not the dude I grew up with.  He may have been a little messy but never on the echelon he was on.  And never to the fact that just throwing on wrinkled clothes or dirty clothes was the thing to do.  My boy needed some help and I couldn’t give it to him personally from myself.  But I was going to be sure he got it.  Again, I am not saying everyone will get help or can afford help.  But people I am telling you that this shyt is real! And when you are living foul your life shows it not just in what the inside of your house looks like but how things keep happening over and over in your life.  There is too much confusion.  And in confusion brings depression, money issues, relationship issues, job issues and so forth and so on. 

If you are in a production of life all the time I mean where things are constantly happening to you back to back.  This is you! Your life stinks and it as repugnant as my friends Justice was living! You have to keep your thoughts clear.  You have to take your life back! It is one step at a time.  Nooo I am not saying don’t be sad, don’t cry, don’t talk about it.  But just as we see when a person dies the world does not stop rotating in its axis for the dead or the dying.  I am in no way trying to be asinine here not at all.  Just making a point.  No one is exempt of being hurt or going through the pressures and pains of life. I will admit that some don’t have the tenacity that others have.  But if this is what we know and trust me some of us do know this.  Then we pick up our face and we do the damn thing!  We don’t give anyone or thing or power and lose ourselves in people or problems.  Sometimes we have to encourage ourselves!

Well this was one long chronicle I know.  But one that was dear to me and I had to get out.  Are you confused?  Are you living in confusion?  Well today the buck stops here!  And you get your life back and put it in order!

Signing off,

Dangerous Dan

9/2010

“Just Toy”



PIMP CHRONICLES 101....SOME OF YOU ARE MARRYING FOR THE WRONG REASONS

OR WHY DID YOU GET MARRIED IN THE FIRST PLACE??? I'M JUST SAYING..



Of course I would never come at you today saying that I am against the institution of marriage because I am not! Far from it...however it does cause me some concern when I see so many marriages fail and end up in divorce. Now there are many reasons why some marriages do not work at all. And let me give you a list.. (clearing throat)


  1. You may have think you knew the person that you married and you really didn't

  2. You married someone who had a habit

    i.e drugs, drinking, gambling and thought YOU could change them.

  3. You thought you were in love when you got married and realized you really were not in love

  4. You married because you were pregnant.

  5. I love this one..you had sex and it was so powerful that you wanted know one to have her/him and YOU just knew you were to be married.

  6. You no longer wanted to fornicate (religious beliefs)

  7. You got married because the love jones was so strong and you were caught up.

  8. You saw dollars.

  9. You wanted to move out of your parents house.

  10. You wanted someone to take care of you.

  11. Running from problems and looking for someone to save you.


The above are just a few reasons but the list unfortunately goes on... I have seen marriages make up and break up and make up and break up again. It also behooves me beyond syllables and words when couples divorce and remarry. Some do this more than once. I say yes they love each other but they are dysfunctional as hell. Meaning that we don't realize what we are marrying into in the first place. Have you really taken out the time to get to know this person and their family and how they grew up and the pain and suffering they may have endured in life? If you haven't you need to. As I have said in previous chronicles I have written “adults are nothing but grown children” and it is so true. If there is a person that has grown up in a disenfranchised house they will carry that same thing over into their marriage. Unless, unless they break the cycle because they recognize it. Now mind you a lot of people in this world as they grow up see things and hear things that their parents have done and gone through and refuse to do or say the same things to their children. They want to be better parents, live better lives. Abuse, drug habits, a parent that may have not stayed in the home and left the other spouse to raise the child. I cannot say that this particular thing is a male thing because nowadays women leave their children and men are now stepping up to the plate and being a full-time parent. So understand me when I say that some of us get married for the wrong reasons.


Let us explore some couples that have married for the wrong reasons and the issues that were there when they hooked up but neither took the chance to investigate nor did they want to pay attention to the signs because they were in “love” Love now that is a word that has been used and abused so much and misconstrue and put in a box and not in the box at the same time. Love has been given a bad name...


Let's take “Tony” and “Maria” Here it is that both first fall for each others looks. That is Tony should I say. He sees Maria and sees the way she stands, talks, how she dresses and the things that he is much attracted to in the physical. Legs for days Maria had, a glowing to die for smile. Plus the fact that she attracted people to her. Very intelligent and sharp. Tony thought that a woman like her would never give him any thought or date him. But Tony was wrong! First and foremost Maria was a seductress and she lured him to her. As they dated and got to know each other(a little) the first time they slept together Maria pulled Tony into a seductive web and took him many places. So now Tony was hooked. They spent mad time together and spoke on their pet peeves, past lives, they way they grew up and many hurts and pains. What Tony failed to pay attention to that Maria had said many of times was basically she was a troubled woman. She needed a lot of attention and wanted a man to take care of her. She had been abused as a child and she had been used up by men. Well Tony being the man he was stepped up to the plate and felt he was the man to make it allll better! Well it worked! A year later they married! They were happy for a few months then all of Maria's problems came to the surface. First Maria meant what she said, she wanted a man to take care of her and spoil her. When Tony was unable to do the things she wanted Maria started to get quickly agitated. Even though she had been used by men, these men had taken care of a lot of Maria's needs. And not only that, Maria had stopped having sex with Tony because of this. She was now turned off by him. Because Maria had been abused, that is sexually Tony now hooked and nose wide open for Maria had started taking it! Yes! Men you can be married and rape your wife! Hence now the marriage was in big trouble! Maria feeling horrible because this happened too many times before. She now is hanging out late, not coming home, talking to other men and getting what she wants from other men. See Tony lied and made himself seem like he was capable of handling a woman like Maria. He went into debt romancing her and giving her things he could not afford. Giving her a wedding he could not afford. And the condo he went into debt for...well I am over it you get the point.


The sex, Maria's looks and not wanting any other man to snatch her up from him because he felt he had met the “one” he was taken! Tony had created a monster for himself. Maria had grown up having it hard as well, she told Tony this but he ignored it. She also told him that she wanted to be spoiled and Tony ignored this a little bit. He spoiled her but it came with a price.


So after a year of marriage it was over. Maria couldn't take Tony not doing for her and she could not take his advances of Tony “taking” sex from her. When Tony came and spoke to me and told me his woes my heart went out to him but I was honest and forthright and told him the truth. The man is now filing bankruptcy and has a broken heart and is bitter. And even though he is seeing me, it will take some time for him to get over it. As for Maria she has moved on and is with a man who can truly afford her!


So many people in this world unfortunately think love will heal some people. And for some people this does work and for a lot it does not! I wish it were so true that love would heal the world but real talk it does not. Why? Because there are too many mean and evil people that will not allow it to work and run from love and despise caring people. So I laugh and scoff at this in an ironic way.


My next couple are “Mike” and “Melissa” Melissa a sweet and beautiful woman when Mike had met her. Mike indulged in drinking here and there and puffing on a joint every now and then. Not Melissa! Melissa drank and she smoked cocaine. Mike found this out three days after meeting her and Melissa never hid it. She looked good, she worked, and she took care of her household. So Mike figured it was cool. Not so! After a year Melissa's mother had taken her children from her and Mike they ever faithful stood behind her and helped her by trying to take care of them and help her get her children back. But to no avail! Six months they got married and Melissa was still hitting the pipe. Still looking good and had it under control or so Mike thought. See Mike started to feel he could love her and help her in to quitting but again to no avail. Melissa eventually quit her job and took on to smoking crack full time and of course letting herself go. Guess what? Mike stayed married to her for nine long years! Coming home to find other men in his house. Bills not being paid, no cooked meals, no clean house and of course no loving from his drug addicted wife. I shake my head at this because Mike stayed in this relationship for years! Mike saw every sign of why he should have not married nor been with Melissa in the first place. In all actuality he seen every sign, he just wanted to be loved and Melissa did that and made him feel worthy. Why? Because Mike grew up with a mother who didn't give him attention so he needed that from a woman. And he lost custody and contact with his kids and wanted a family so he got a ready made family and chose to be a father to kids who were not his. And in his mind making up for the father he could not be. So he stayed with Melissa through all of her ups and downs with her and her children. Melissa didn't lose her children because of her drug usage no quite the contrary! Her mother just felt she couldn't raise them because she was from home to home. And here comes Mike! He provides some stability but at the end of the day and two years of them being together and him providing a stable home Melissa's mom still wasn't buying it. And Melissa was doing drugs because of the hard times she was having in her life and so she eventually got addicted. After losing weight, looking like a drug addict and sleeping around with other men for drugs and being gone for days in and out and Mike realizing he was being used more than ever. He had gotten the courage to leave. But still he has the same issues. He wants a family and to be loved. What Mike does not realize is that he has to love himself and not look for it from a woman and forgive himself for not being a dad to now his grown children. Mike never came back after two sessions of seeing me.


I've given you two examples of couples marrying for the wrong reasons. People I employ you, look at how the family, the parents, the habits, how they live and problem solve. Listen intently to their woes and past hurts and pains. Eyes wide open not eyes wide shut! A person who is addicted to sex, drugs or alcohol you cannot save them unless they want to save themselves.


My last and final example is “Jack” and “Jill” I thought those would be funny names instead of using their real names. Jack a complete lazy low-life in many ways. A mommies boy and takes low paying jobs but goes out all the time and shacks up with women. Jack knowing that he could not live on his own because he doesn't make enough money to keep and pay for an apartment or bills. Now honestly Jack is a good person, very intelligent and can do and be whatever he wants just doesn't have the drive to push himself to have better. So every time he fails he goes back home to his mom who welcomes him with open arms. She does this because Jack is a man and she has low-self esteem and needs some form of male companionship. So she is more than happy to have him there and because of this they have a bond where they need each other, Jack is and has been the man of the house because his dad walked out on the family when Jack was ten years old. So his mother told him that he was now the man of the house. So Jack cuts the grass, he fixes what needs to be fixed. He runs errands and when he does work he will pay some bills and do his mothers bidding. To the woman or some women that get involved see Jack as a really great son. Especially when his mother broke her leg and he had to leave his fourth apartment because he had lost his job. So he went back home. Jacks mom also never pushed him to be a man or tried to back him on anything because she would tell Jack, “You can always stay here you have a home here.” And those words had stuck in his head. When Jack failed there was mommy to pick up the pieces and not let Jack be a man. Jack is now in his late thirties living with his mom.


So here comes Jill, Jack and Jill meet at a job that Jack had just got hired at. This job paid Jack very well because of his intelligence and sharpness he was excited that he would now be making good money. Now let me be clear, this was job in the same office building of twenty stories that Jack and Jill both worked at. I will move this story quickly. Jack had told Jill that he was living with his mother because she had needed him and was having some health issues and he was the only child and his father walked out on his mom. What he failed to say was his mother had broken her leg way over a year ago and his father had left when he was ten. What man says he is a mommas boy? Some men will admit they love their moms and that they are a mommas boys. But some of those men live on their own and can take good care of themselves unlike Jack.


The dating got started and of course not coming to Jacks house. Well with all the great conversation and good looks Jack possessed had gotten Jill excited. She knew where he worked so she felt she had gotten a catch! Six months of dating Jack had moved in with Jill. Six months later Jack and Jill went up the hill and got married. Jill saw the signs that she should have not married Jack. He was far from responsible. See paying a couple of bills and cutting the grass at his mothers house were not enough to actually get married and be a husband. Jack had no man skills at all. Utilities had gotten cut off from Jack “forgetting” to pay a bill. Not good to not pay the electricity when it is sweltering outside and you cannot turn on the AC. When your wife needs her phone line and internet because she uses it to work from home. When food needs to be purchased to last for the next two weeks and the food Jack would buy would last for maybe four days because he didn't know how to shop for food. Running all the gas out of the car because when you did this mommy would give you money to put gas back in the car. Not really washing your clothes because mommy or you living with girlfriends washed your clothes. Jill saw what he was and how he was when he moooved in with her. How she was taking care of a grown man like a child. Who wants to have a lover and take care of him like a child? Where you have to give orders and then check up on that person to see that the chores and bills have been handled? Jill did this in her first month of Jack living with her. Yet she felt she could deal with it. Here you have a woman who makes a great salary can go where she wants buy what she wants and do what she wants at anytime. But Jill has this innate feeling to take cafe of all the men she has been with. Men that can meet her at the door and have and can give her what she needs but heal has her broken heart. Jill has and been the one in her family to exceed and do well in life. And when she was a child finding herself taking care of her mom because she was weak and suffered from low self esteem. So here is where the savior comes from in Jill.


Little does Jill know this about herself, she sees it at times but is not yet convinced. When you as a child start cooking too young because your mother is depressed. When you clean and learn how to pay bills. When you motivate yourself to be a huge success in life so that you can take care of your mom, dad or siblings because your parents didn't live up to that. So men that could take care of her were a turn off or simply didn't want to put up with a woman who was semi controlling. And this is how Jill got her heart broken by men because they didn't do or agree with what she wanted to do; run their lives. But now that she has a man that she can control. And yes Jack let Jill him and tell him what to do. The price for Jill was having a man, or little boy I should say that couldn't pay a bill, shop and do chores. Why could he do his chores at his moms house. Simple, he was the man of the house and his mother convinced him that he was. But Jill didn't, he would lax in that department. He felt that since Jill was handling everything why should he? Jack wanted a mother not a lover or a wife to build a life, a life that would be built for the both of them. Noooo not what he wanted.


After three years of marriage. Trying to make it work and Jill's frustration with Jack she had finally filed for divorce and put Jack out. So Jack and Jill both came tumbling down!


Now I gave you examples of people diving and jumping into marriage early on and not getting to know each other. But this chronicle has gone on long enough where I am literally drained! There are others that have been in longer date lives and waited some years before they got married. The divorce rate in America has gone up significantly in the past five years. More than 50% of marriages end in divorce. Some do not make it to five years. You cannot take a cheater, a mommas boy, a person who is and not about anything and turn them into someone YOU want them to be. If they are who they are when you meet them they will be who they are when you marry them. Note that.

Look if someone has annoying habits i.e. doesn't bathe regularly, keeps a untidy house, talks on the phone too much, a player, doesn't cook, doesn't care for their appearance pretty much this will not change. Now let me state this, there are some people who have changed and can change because they want to. But this diving and falling, (note falling because when you fall you don't see what is going on around when you hit the ground) in love is not the answer. Sex is not the answer, a good looking man/woman is not the answer. A great and fabulous body is not the answer and money isn't either. Now if you do marry for these things you must not be judge mental of what this person does that you may not like. Only because you are marrying for the wrong reasons and you must expect that life, wait . You must not have any high expectations. I hear some women say the first time you marry for love and the second you marry for money. Well if you have that in mind then I say do it! Go on and do it! Because you don't want love, commitment, honor and someone to be all about you. In some cases this works out and in some it doesn't. I have met women that had said I could careless what he does and who he does it with just give me the check! Be careful what you ask for is all I am saying.


Well I am out of here and life goes on, and maybe just maybe the next time one of you get married or do get re-married you will hold this pimp chronicle close to your heart.


Signing off,

Dangerous Dan AKA the Professor



“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

5/2012







PIMP CHRONICLES 101 ….RACIST, SUICIDES, MURDERS OH MY!



Today I was angry, I let my emotions get the best of me. I let words that were said from people who knew better in my opinion said and done things that for me was not cool. So Professor Dan sits here at his desk and vents and lays his degrees on the table. Puts his hat on the rack and his jacket on the back of his chair and not in his closet to hang on a cedar cushion hanger. No airs today, I mean no airs at all. Not like I really put on any with y'all in the first place. I have just tried to watch my mouth here and there because it did get off the chain at times. I guess I fight two worlds, the neighborhood in which I have hung out in and around regardless of all these pedigrees, awards and degrees. And then the other side of me that is highly educated and can sit with dignitaries or share a beer with some old men on a corner. As much as I like and love my own people, I pull away from the things they say and do and loathe some of their thinking. And when I am dwelling in the yuppie buppie world I tire of the close mindedness of their world. The fakeness, the better than anyone else and I have more and can get more and you are beneath me mentality. So you see I am torn in my world. I love traveling and living well and all of the great and wonderful things that comes when I make money and have made the money. And yet I detest it. I loathe the non-growth of people and the way some kick it and want no better and society tends to classify me as such. That I hang out on street corners and I am raising drive by shooters.


So as I sit here today I'ma be me and speak from no degree but from heart, what I have learned, what I have seen and experienced. And as always share what has been brought to my plate. This time I don't come as a psychiatrist or therapist. That shyt is at the door.


Here it is 2012 and no matter how my parents have groomed me, school, learning, traveling has groomed me I still stand out like a fukn sore thumb in this world along with other people that are of color or African-American ethnicity. There are still many people in this world that don't even recognize that my people have contributed millions and trillions of dollars to this word. We have brought fashion, music, sports, cheap labor (when we were slaves and helped built a country and others wealth) inventions and fabulous ideas. Mostly all of the things that America has gotten have mostly (not all) have been contributed or should I say stolen by us. For whatever reason we are loathed, hated, despised and looked down upon still in this day and time! And I am incensed by this bullshyt! When I go to places where people of color do not normally live as a rule. And someone sees me in a fine designer suit carrying a briefcase, talking on a high tech phone. Seeing that I am well groomed and that my English speaking skills are correct I feel as if they are truly amazed and they look at me as one in a million! What a lotta these mutha fuckas don't know is that what you see is really not what you see! Meaning that a lot of people look at Ice Cube as some ex-con gang member in and out of jail. Truth is the man graduated from high school and college with a degree. That he is a very intelligent man with many talents and skills. And he has made a lotta money from blacks, whites, Latinos and all that have gone to see his movies or hear his music. See I fight to live that life, because I don't like to be associated with it. I was in a cab not too long ago and the cabbie told me (which by the way he was from Idaho) had told me that they had shut down some malls and stores in the city because of the crips and bloods that were terrorizing the city. I looked like crips and bloods here? I was in the south and I had no idea that crips and bloods from the west coast had made their way here! Damn I said to myself. But what had offended me more was the fact that he had associated them with me because I was from the west coast. He said, and I quote “When your crips and bloods got here.” I was livid. I asked him do I look like I associate with crips and bloods? Do I speak like them or do you see any reference to my dress code as that I use to be one or hang out? He felt bad and said no. So I asked him why would you categorize me with them? He wasn't a bad person and as I was told he didn't know any better. Well damn this man had to be in his late forties! He knew better, he has seen better and been around or saw some African -Americans that did not fit some fukn negative stereotype! I'm saying!


My sister came with me to a conference down south. And this is the same place I had encountered the taxi driver. She was going to a fashion designer conference thingy but was going to leave early to see me for a few days and hop back on her plane and be off. My sister I will say stands out and will not and as she says “I am not going to change for anyone!” She dresses bohemian, shabby chic, retro, glamorous. A cross between Lenny Kravitz, vogue couture and vintage. I don't know. But anyways she is also a very beautiful woman and demands as well as commands attention when she walks in a room. A million dollar smile along with a great personality and a vast of knowledge. When she got here and kicked back she was asked many “stupid” questions from how she was dressed to her hair. One question was posed to her as “You people” And she was quite offended! I was offended for her and myself.


I don't know why there has to be a front with anyone, but we all front in one way or the other. Me, me I fight against the daily categorizations that society and the media has placed upon my people. I cannot fight for other ethnicity or cultures because I am not apart of their world. I do have empathy for their causes and their pain. But as of 2012 racism is very prevalent and does exist. Funny how the majority of the vote placed a black man in office over the fifty states and this man constantly gets death threats because he is simply just that, a black man! How there was no dirt to dig up but on every president that has been in office there has been faults found. So you see this further emphasizes my plight and my words and views. Most of the world still does not see black people or to be PC African American people as people who are just that ...PEOPLE...


As I have traveled the world and read headlines from the internet and where I travel. I notice that the minds of many people are soft and not strong mentally nor emotionally. Not once did I think that my people, my very own people would go on killing sprees, commit suicide, murder spouses and their children over broken hearts or being disrupted over financial lost or love. I always liked to think that we are some strong damn people. All the shyt that we have been through?! Come on! You would think that slavery, fighting for education, segregation and to vote would be enough for us to remember our past. For us to know that we were not welcome in certain neighborhoods, jobs, stores and the like. That we were considered to be dirty and unintelligent. And what do some of us do? Become a side show for others to continue to agree we ain't and never will be nothing! And so for those of us who continue to move on and forward in life progressing we can't hold the fabric together when we look around and we see the problems and mad issues that are going on around us.


Suicide now seems to be an easy way out because now it seems to be viewed as a scapegoat! How sad and I shake my head at this. It is no longer a race or culture existence it is prevalent amongst many! And when young people commit suicide my heart is shattered! Over love, family, being teased and looked upon as if they are nothing. Not being noticed or just simply given a chance! For mothers who feel there is no more life and they can't go on, how they murder and kill life they carried for nine months because of problems and troubles they have gone through. And then after killing their seed they kill themselves. Mothers who are heart broken for many reasons kill themselves and leave their children for others to take care of and as their child(ren) grow older they are ashamed and do not have a legacy to look out or someone to look up to! How sad.


When men, men who are to nurture and love their wives and children are so hurt and bitter over life and feel they do not deserve to go on or their family. Kill themselves and their family. This has been spread over the news too many times for me to recall. I wish I was able to reach some of these people before they let themselves get to this point. That I could at least let them know that their children, themselves and their wife or girlfriends deserve to live! Just because they are angry, blind anger is a bytch ain't it? And a person whom you thought the world of turns around and kills them selves. Or even kills their family members! Smdh! Life is the most precious gift that we are given! There are so many that are on the edge of death in hospitals in hospice and fighting! Fighting to stay alive and don't want to die. And there are so many that don't appreciate the life they are given or others and take a life! What makes a person think that of the are in hell on earth that they will live a better life in the after world?


I must say that I enjoy my social networking online. And there are so many sites that one person can get on to promote themselves in many venues and avenues. I appreciate the good that it represents. But with all good there is the negative that it represents. Tweet wars with slanderous things being said and threats. Face book, My space, tumblr and those are just a few. Dating sites where you can meet people and the dark side is some of those people are child molesters, murders and kidnappers! Hackers, babies being sold into slavery and prostitution is all on the net and it is allllll fukn legal! Can you believe that?


I am dumbfounded at how people reach out to take advantage and also cry out for help! When personal business is no longer personal and it gets taken personally. Now this is where I take it to the level of my mother would say. “Some things are better left unsaid” And I agree wholly! I have gone on to my face book and seen young and old cast unattractive things on their wall and it starts a mess of mass proportions. Marriages, families and friendships have been torn to shreds over a personal opinion. And not only that, murders have been committed over face book and tweeting. Ironic how someone can go and murder people over blocking someone or some nasty and negative things said on Face book...really? It lets me know the fiber of our mentality has gotten weaker and weaker. How we let small things control us and have no fiber moral being to let the petty stuff just go. Are we suppose to fight every single thing that is negative and not good in our lives? Are we suppose to fight for the better good in our lives? Make sure that we are stable minded humans? Take care of our families and lives? Make an impact on ourselves and those in our lives and be great examples? You would think so. But not so. Building a good home and working towards a better good in now non-sense with some people and some would rather commit murder over some he say she say bullshyt! I am livid over this the senseless murders and murders that are committed period in our world. “I don't like you so you must die! And I don't like what you said, so you must die!” My wife, my girlfriend, my boyfriend, my mother and father must die. I had read that a teenager got a thrill for no reason to choke and then stab a young girl next door. For no reason, just WANTED TO DO IT!


Are things going to get better? They are not they will get worse before they get better unfortunately. And is there anything new up under the sun? No, have things like this been going on centuries before now? Yes they have. But now we have the media that tells us about these things happening and we are so desensitized to the madness when we read or hear these reports. Murder just like suicide seems not only a major cry for help but easy and carefree to do.


I ask you today as I end this chronicle today that if you need help go get it! If there is a family or friend that is acting out of sorts reach out. If you see a child or co-worker in distress talk to them and let them vent. If you know there is something that you can do to help or assist in someones life don't be selfish, it just takes your presence. Do you know how many patients I have stopped from taking their lives? How some of my motivational speaking has reached a selective people. My heart aches and hurt at so much calamity in the world we live in today. I try and do my part by helping and uplifting in my chronicles. Yeah I may use some bad language here and there and it's anger. But I let my guards down feeling that you will understand. I have a hat on that half of it is business professional and the other half is my roots or my ear to the streets in the neighborhoods. I wish you all the best and stay strong and if you feel that you are getting weak and need someone to talk to just reach out! That is all I am saying!



Signing off,

Dangerous Dan


“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

2/2012












PIMP CHRONICLES 101…..I HATE NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS!!

SOME OF YOU NEED TO STOP MAKING THEM!! YOU ARE FOOLING YOURSELF!!

 

I have to lie down the truth and nothing but the truth so help me God! I love embracing a new year while on the other hand loathes what the coming of a new year does for some.  For some it seems as if you are now going to be magically transformed into another person!  I mean if in your head you want to think that way and it makes you FEEL better then I say go for it!  Truth is it doesn’t do a damn thing!  It gives you a false sense of hope that YOU have created in making yourself, pushing yourself to feel that when a new year comes you can start over.  Let me break it down for you.  A year has 365 days in it, most months have 31 days and a week for sure has 7 days.  Well yes you already know this; however I just want to give you a supreme clear picture of what I am presenting to you so that there are no misconceptions at all.  You have a full day to make steps, set goals and make things happen.  If it can take you a day to accomplish some things you need to do then you have accomplished a goal.  If it takes you a week to get it done, the goal gets accomplished.  Some goals take longer than a few days, some take months to get done and even years!  But because of the length of it does not make you stop reaching towards your goal.

 

I am on some social media sites and I real keep it real with you.  A lot of clients, patients and colleagues posted things like “I am going to lose thirty pounds this year”  “I am going to change my eating habits” Just a couple there were a whole lot more.  But let me pose this question to you, have you known people to have started working on it in the middle of the year?  Change their diet habits at the end of the year?  Work out? Buy a house or a new car?  They didn’t just start reaching for a goal at the beginning of the year or making what I call some lousy silly dumb azz resolution to pump them up to make a change.

 

I have a client that I have been seeing since February of the last year.  And he has been in what I consider an extreme living situation.  He is involved with a woman who is fifteen years younger than him that has six children that she no longer has custody of.  They have two children together and she lies cheats, calls the police on him periodically placing him in various precarious situations.  He has gone to jail behind her shenanigans and has done over a year behind her claiming he has abused her.  This woman does not care for the two children that they share and not only that she leaves comes and goes as she feels.  With no care or concern of his feelings or the children’s.  She does not cook or clean and they have no real intimate life in the bedroom or personally.  And that is not all whenever he, let me call him “Josh” gets a job she calls and makes all sorts of allegations to his superiors that they end up letting him go.  So here you have Josh dealing with a mad crazed woman.  And he has been doing this shyt for years!! And you know who is the problem in all of this mayhem and madness?  You guessed it, Josh!

 

This is not the first time that Josh has been in mentally and emotionally taxing relationships.  And Josh is far from a mean or abusive man.  However he has grown up in an abusive home.  He has seen his mother in two failed marriages where she was mentally, verbally, emotionally and physically abused.  And he has seen her in relationships with men that were abusive after she FINALLY ended the marriages.  Now Josh’s mom has endured abuse from both of these marriages for years!  More than twenty years from the first one because she married the first husband when she was sixteen.  The second husband she married she was with him for fifteen years.  Marriage that is, while the first husband and she both cheated on each other and both knew about it.  Josh’s mother cheated on the first husband with the second husband ten years of the first marriage.  If you lost me go back and read it, you will get it.

 

I am sure that you get the picture, so you see the picture I am painting here.  Josh has seen nothing but pain and mad dysfunction his whole life.  And instead of walking away he chooses to stay in mess and live in mess because he FEELS that its love and he can change the woman to not be like the woman his mother is.  Problem with Josh though he chooses women that have double and triple the issues his mother has had in her relationships.  And of course this is not the first nor second or third time that he has engrossed himself in serious relationships with women who debilitate him mentally.  He knows it, acknowledges it and speaks on it as if he needs to do something about it.  Unfortunately he doesn’t.  What has happened is the women that he has been in these long drawn out unhealthy rapports end up kicking him to the curb! Go figure! 

 

Josh told me that his New Years resolution was that he was going to leave his girl.  That he was going to take the kids and move in with his mom so that she could help watch them while he went on interviews.  That once he had gotten a job he would save up to get a house of his own.  So my damn guestamation is Josh is so full of shyt he can’t smell his self right now.  And I do mean that in a nice way; however I told you I was bringing it on this chronicle.  What happened last year in July when she burned his clothes and he had none?  What happened when she had “kidnapped” the children and was gone for three weeks in March and she didn’t answer her phone and the children came back home dehydrated, unkempt, shoes missing and smelling quite atrocious and starved?! What didn’t click when she called and cursed out family members and jumped on him in front of them taking the keys from him and wrecking the only form of transportation they had right in front of everybody? Noooooo Josh did not plan on leaving her as his New Years Resolution.  Josh and I have had many sessions and I could tell during these sessions how stressed he would get when he spoke of leaving her.  He had stopped coming to me for a few months because she told him to.  I felt we were getting to a break through where he was able to get healing from his childhood. 

 

And here it is New Years and Josh is still with his beloved girlfriend.  No changes have been made.

 

I now speak on “Carrie” a wonderful spirit and sharp human being who can go and do whatever pleases her.  Carrie of course has mad confidence and really knows how to stand up and talk to people and be full fronted notice. The issue that Carrie had was deep when she came and started seeing me which she started coming and seeing me last year as like Josh.  Carrie when she first started sessions was maybe a size eight, within three months Carrie had put on forty pounds! As I seen her put on weight I had already knew what the problem was.  Carrie was degraded by family members and raped repeatedly by her oldest brother who was always governed to watch her when her parents were away on business are out of town.  Carrie ate through her problems.  But she was also doing many unhealthy things in the process.  She would gain a lot of weight and she would carry it around for a long time and then she would go on some starvation diet to lose the weight and go to the gym five to six days out of the week twice a day.  Before she went to work and after she got off.  She would lose the weight dramatically!  And then she would continue to starve her body of the valuable nutrients she needed in order to perform. She would at times throw her food back up after going through a depressive bought.  Though her speaking to me and seeing other therapist that are better equip in handling those with eating disorders.  She promised me that this New Year would be the year she got rid of the weight she had now been carrying for the past eight months.  That she would go to counseling for her eating disorder because she had once again stopped her sessions.  I was again disappointed that she had made this statement.  What does bringing in a new year; have to do with getting ones affairs in order?  Not a dayuuum thang!

 

We as a whole should not rely on a new year to bring on change or attitude and that “this year great things will happen” Nooo great things and bad things, good things and terrible things happen all throughout the year!  You don’t need a resolution to lose weight, leave a bad marriage, job or relationship.  You don’t need a resolution to change how you deal or speak to people or go back to school.  Mind you I just broke it down how many days in the month, week and year.

 

Resolution means to resolve; which is the root word here.  And what a person feels he/she needs to do is resolve some issues in their lives the beginning of the New Year in order to make progress and walk away from all the bad and negative things that have been hunting them.  But you have 365 days of the year to look at the man/woman in the mirror and see what is needed in ones life.  If that means changing your attitude, losing weight or whatever.  Life is progression, a movement, a constant flow of what we would all like to have in our lives.  Making firm decisions and sticking to them no matter how long or short it will take for us to attain the goal.  Again this is not something one should start at the beginning of a new year.  Because as I stated before most people fall off in thirty days or less.  It is very hard to see someone go through hurt and pain for many years and at the closing of a year or NOW willing to make a change for the New Year.  What happened to all of the wasted years that have gone by when you were stuck?

 

A dear and close comrade whom I will call “Lester” is a perfect example of being determined and making things happen in his life.  He had been dreaming of moving to Hawaii for a long time.  And it was one day that he had made an affirmative decision to get his act together and get ready for the move.  And no this was not a New Years resolution.  A lot had to come into play before he made the move, and he had so many goals he wanted to attain during the process.  One was he wanted to get out of debt and pay all of his credit cards off and just keep one.  He also wanted to put some monies to the side in a savings so that when he moved he would be in no rush to find a job.  He could lay back and enjoy the Island.  It took him a year and a half to get out of credit card debt because he owed a lot and was a big spender.  So he had to curb his spending habits and he taught and learned ways to save money on food and other household products.  Of course Lester made a very good living for himself, but he put himself on an extreme budget.  He then invested his monies in money marketing CD’s and IRA accounts and tripled his savings in a year!  Within four years Lester was in the clear plus having more than enough money to buy a condo. But Lester was patient, within this time he changed his spending habits, started working out and did some attitude adjusting!  The man was on a role I tell you.  Every month he would look at houses, condos and the job market over in Hawaii.  It took Lester seven years before he moved to ?Hawaii.  With that he had established an e-commerce business that was doing very well.  So he didn’t have to go work a nine to five after all.  This is what I call a resolution; Lester did it day by day week by week month by month and year by year to put his life and affairs in order. 

 

It has now been a full three years that Lester has lived in Hawaii and he absolutely loves it! When I ask him would he do it all over again, his remarks were, “Honestly I never thought I would be able to do it.  I had many road blocks that came up that had me lose hope in my dreams and my goals.  I wanted to throw in the towel.  But it was my frustration that motivated me to keep going.  Because as the years went by I thought I would never make it.”  And no tomorrow is not promised to any of us.  As I have watched the news and read headlines of so many people who have lost their lives in the past year.  I am sure that some of them said to themselves I will eat healthier, stop smoking or whatever vice they may had that kept them from better health.  Why put off tomorrow what you can do today? And there is a lot we can do to get our acts on the correct path to resolve old issues, new issues and hurts and pains that hinder us from progressing as we should.  So no I make no resolutions on New Years, I resolve to make goals and progress in doing what is needed to move forward in a fast and ever changing world that will leave me behind no matter if I change or not.  I must be mentally, physically and emotionally healthy at all times not by waiting for a full year or many years to go by and not make a move.

 

So for you who make New Years resolutions every year, why just not settle to resolve and affirm your goals everyday of the year! 

 

Signing off,

Dangerous Dan

 

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

1/2012

 

 PIMP CHRONICLES 101........THE WIZARD CANNOT SAVE YOU!!



I was spending some time at home with my niece and nephew who are so wide eyed to the world. I mean isn't it just brilliant when you see (take a look) from a child's perception? And while they were visiting me I had put the DVD movie of the “The Wiz” I love this movie, and as I sat back and now realized that most of the characters in this movie are now dead. Fame nor fortune can buy you respect, love, attention (not real attention) that one needs to survive in the world. Fame is lonely, and so is it when you don't have a brain, a heart, courage or a home with no one in it to share it with you. And for those who do have a home that are married or have children. Well some of those people are lonely.


I come to you today in retrospect that there in no great wizzard, neither is there any magical potion that can heal you or give you what you need. Like all of these diet ads and weight loss methods of cutting one open and surgically make their stomachs smaller. Many people go under the knife to have plastic surgery to “look” better. Some people bleach their skin to become lighter, or lay under sun lamps to become darker. What I am saying is all of this is work, and nothing comes easy just by taking a pill or asking someone to assist you in feeling good about you. I can compliment a beautiful woman all day, and yet and still if she has self-esteem issues it will do nothing for her.


We tend to look for so much to save us and make us whole. Some run to a dream feeling like it is a dream when they have sex, drink or do hard drugs. And yet and again this is also a damn illusion! You feel good for the moment, but when you take a look in the mirror at your outer self and your inner self some things you can change. And some things you cannot. Why are we not happy with what we have? Because we SEE something in others a miracle that is served to us on a golden platter that WE can make it better for you. And we buy into that bullshyt and run to the wizzard!


We have everything we need built inside of us. Sure there are things we can do to make the outward appearance look better. But for some even that is illusion, and something I can't fathom. If I can purchase a product to keep my skin clear after I shave or before I shave then fine. But no knives will go to my body and cut anything to make me LOOK better. You see that crazy azz Joan Rivers? The Cat Woman? Bruce Jenner? They look ridiculously fake trying to NOT look their age. I don't think Joan Rivers can not smile. I mean her face is now in a permanent smile. Shaking my head at this. She need to leave that Wizzard alone! And Michael Jackson rest his soul, are you getting my point here?


Remember that when Dorothy went and saw the wiaard that he had no powers? And I am telling you that we give people waaay tooo much power. You know that when I come to teach and reach I also preach! What people are searching for are already deep inside them. Now don't get me wrong I see nothing wrong with one improving themselves inside and out. If that is working out, eating better, taking herbs and vitamins. If that is coming to see someone like me, a therapist to help them work out their issues. But if you want courage, you have to build yourself up for it. You want a brain, then you study. You want a heart, then you learn to love yourself so that you can love others. And some of us don't want to have the courage that we need, or step out on faith from our fears to accomplish anything. I relish in the fact that I am not scared to see the world. I love to travel, and though at times I may feel a little discomfort, home is where the heart is child. And so no matter where I may be I am at home because I am comfortable with myself. Even the little pot belly I have, to the glasses I wear. If I want to see better, maybe at one time I will have laser surgery. Maybe, I will go and see the wizzard! lol


The lessons in life come to us when we are in emotional and mental turmoil. Dorothy was taken from home because she was scared of the world and what it had to offer. She had no courage, so that is why she met the cowardly lion. She felt she had no brain so that is why she met the scarecrow. When she saw the tin-man she felt she had no true heart. These were animals or things she had met on her journey to show her what she truly had inside of her. She needed courage to do so many things, and she already had love which she felt she didn't have but it was there for her. By teaching and reaching outto them telling them whatthey had inside themall along. And then seeing what she had inside of her all along. When I have accomplish courage and love for a goal or one thing in my life I am one step closer to my dreams. All of the turmoil and headaches I have been through were all worth it once I got to where I wanted to be. I will not front and say that I don't want the quick and easy fixes like a lot of us do. Look at us, we live a world filled with technology, internet goes down, computer freezes up, LG phone, Ipad, Iphone.all these new fancy fangled gadgets we have keep us in the loop. And are of sorts an wizzard. Some of us are addicted to these nemesis! Yeah I said nemesis. The only way we had a touch of reality was through the news on TV or a newspaper. Now you can find out through twitter, Face book, My Space and many more social applications and sites to get you out there in the public. But again let's go back to the land of Oz. These people, or characters lived in a fairytale of sorts but a reality for them. They were cheerful, sang songs and life was wonderful. Except, except for the wicked witch she was evil and mean. Do we not have haters in the world? Do we not have people in the world that cause chaos and ruckus? That make wars and kill our sons and daughters? How can a wizard help with that? If life was one big happy wand we all would be famous, loved and have so much more. If you don't have any expectations of yourself then you get nowhere. You can daydream all day, you can dream about it and talk about it. Nothing happens until you make a move.


Dorothy was in this make believe world that gave her no promises of getting home. And you can't have nothing in our world unless you pay for it. So wanting to look beautiful will cost you. Wanting to be famous and rich will cost you. But having goals and ambitions will cost you sacrifice. You must have courage to move on. Even though we all know in the end that Dorothy clicked her heels three times and she was home. Because she believed she would get there. BELIEVED, now that's a word that we should all take heed to. If you believe in you and take a step out on some blinded faith maybe you won't have to go through all the damage of heartache and breaks. It will not be easy, Dorothy had a rough haul to finally get to the place she wanted to be. HOME. And she knew once she got home there was now a change. She was going to get up get out and get something.


Well I have come to the end of my session. I was calm on this one. Some of my students say I come harsh with no patience. Sometime I admit I do. But it was the love I have for my niece and nephew that gave me a soft side this time. Just note that you are your own wizard, just believe, I know you will. Know that you are the wizard and the world is your Oz.




Signing off,

Professor Dan


Just Toy

Written Expressions

10/2011






PIMP CHRONICLES 101….WHERE YOU AT?? ARE YOU LOST OR WHAT??

 

 

 

Some of the people in the world are still in constant wonder of where their place is and are doing what they call “finding themselves”  I must say at one point in time I had the conversation with close friends and family, telling them “I need to find myself” I am sure that you have heard this from others.  And I asked myself as my mother did, “Why do you need to go find yourself are you lost? How do you lose yourself?  Explain that to me?”  My mother said this to me a few times and I waved her off the first three times and the last time I truly masticated what she had said to me. Why the hell did I need to “find myself” when I was right here? I have heard of getting lost by walking, driving to the wrong place, taking a wrong turn and you get lost.  Lost in someone’s conversation; lost in a persons home that you may have never been in before because it is big.  A child could get lost in a mall or a huge outdoor market, you could get lost at an amusement park.  But you could never lose yourself because where you go there you are also! I hope I am making sense today.

 

I do understand also the premise of “losing ones self” or caught up in another being because you have been blinded by love, like, intrigued, a person i.e. company that has done you wrong or even a job for that matter.  And you need a break from all that or in your cipher and running around very close to your outer circle.  You need relief!! You are running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off and have not invested, looked out for, done anything for, been there for yourself. And you need sum R&R, well of course you do you got caught up and lost on others makes sense to me.

 

But we are right back where we started from the whole premise of the Pimp Chronicle to get in that heady head of you yours and put it clearly! You cannot go and find yourself because when you move or turn around there you are! When you are a young child you see things on TV, read books, go to school, neighbors and parents they expose you to so much that it is then that most children start to get a peek at what they would like to become when they get older.  Basketball players, actors, lawyers, doctors, nurses, teachers, writers, singers and the list goes on; as most children grow in life they pretty much have an inclination of what they would like to be when “they grow up” isn’t a marvel the tenacity of a child?  You were once that child to.  No fear, a ton of courage and lots of spunk for most of us.  Quick to play outside and meet new people and ask as many questions as your heart desires.  As we get older some of us lose that tenacity, we get lazy in our pursuit of happiness. It is definitely not the fact that we have lost our way we have just given up on ourselves and lost faith in ourselves.  Why?  Don’t we know from growing up from a child that we had to work at it? That we didn’t get awards for the spelling Bee if we didn’t study?  That we wouldn’t have got on the team if we didn’t practice?  That any and everything we did took time, faith, hope and patience to get to the level of where we dreamt to be?  Some people I will say do indeed get lost in life, the world, other peoples crisis.  But never to a point in life where one most say, "Dammit I’m lost and I need to go find myself!”  You have been with you all this time and so now you are simply saying, I forgot what I look like, I forgot how I feeeeel when someone hurts my feelings, I forgot how I feeeeel when things don’t go my way.  I forgot how I feeeel when I am tired, I forgot how I feeeel when I am happy.  Really?  Did you?  How could you forget so soon at all the hurts triumphs and joys in your life?  Did you lose those along the way? Because you would have to if you need to go find out who you are.

 

I love the analogy and premise the writer had when he sat down and wrote “The Wizard of Oz! I have always liked this movie as a child.  And some may say I am soft, but far from it I’m a real man! Let that be the reason.  Of course when I was little I loved all the caricatures and how that “world” looked.  I was fascinated by the flying monkeys and yet scared of them also. But as I got older I then began to see the real depth and meaning of the movie.  Dorothy thought she was “lost” in another land somewhere and was “trying” to get home after she felt that her Annie Em no longer wanted her and that she and Toto were a burden.  This girl had to leave Kansas and go to this unbelievable make believe world and meet the same people, with the same feelings. Same thoughts, same love, same joy that she had experienced and now go see it in the brand new world! How about that?  She was lost!  Or so she thought, everything her azz was looking for she already had! Do you get my point?  Am I just talking and talking and this is falling on deaf ears? Everywhere Dorothy went there she was!!! She wasn’t lost, she just got lost in feelings what she had heard and felt.  Which my friend is honorable and true.  But you don’t have to go find yourself because life is not treating you right.  You do not have to go look for yourself because your business collapsed, your spouse ran out on you, your child is talking back, your parents are always calling and asking you to do everything for them;  how the car broke down, a lost of a job, so so many many things can detour us and break our hearts and spirits.  I have been there and done it many times, I have questioned myself “What am I doing?” or “Maybe I should be doing something else”  It’s life, it is the struggle, the pain the hurt that we go through and once it is over we tend to forget all of the energy and time we have put in it. You can ask a mother who has had a baby exactly what type of pain did she feel when she had her baby.  Well she can tell you it was painful, yes and it hurt.  But the moment that baby is here guess what?  She no longer remembers the pain that it took she sees the joy in that child she is now holding in her arms and the beauty she beholds.

 

My good friend Macio hated, hated hated hated! Did I say hated? The man hated the piano! “Man my mother makes my fukn sick she is always on my back to practice!” Well I am sure you will get the gist of what I am about to say.  Macio was truly a prodigy but when he was younger he didn’t know it.  His parents had purchased a piano and his father knew how to play.  He only played to relieve stress it was his hobby.  He never pursued playing for a band, singing, studio nothing.  Just enjoyed playing the piano.  Well one day when Macio was three years old he had climbed up on the stool and had begun to play.  Of course he was not playing Beethoven! But he had played the song his father had played earlier that day.  His mother was impressed.  So she watched him, and noticed that every time his dad would play Macio would come behind his dad and play the same song he had heard by ear! Of course the parents were ecstatic! They encouraged him to play and when he had gotten five started giving him lessons to learn the notes but Macio was way beyond that and was making music by this time.  So after he had learned the notes is when the teacher could no longer teach him because he had surpassed her elementary teaching!

 

Macios mom seemed to have forgotten that he was a boy and he wanted to play outside, go to camp, hang with his boys on the weekend and ride bikes, climb trees and get into mischief.  She had punished him by making him play and play and play and play! Macio was past a professional and was asked by every church to play for them and getting paid big bucks.  He had been on TV shows too many for me to recall how well he had played.  He had won many talent shows and yes he loved the adulation he just hated all the damn work!

 

Macio was tired of the game and he felt the game was tired of him.  After all the accolades, money and awards, television shows Macio was retiring from playing the piano and had got the nerve to tell his mother off of how he really felt.  So just imagine the pain she felt…Macio had “run away” from home and said he needed to “find himself” Of course Macio didn’t find himself but he found travel, met new and interesting people (which by the way a lot of them were musicians) he tasted interesting new foods.  Actually what I am saying was that Macio needed a break! And because the thing he said he hated so much was the thing that gave him so much pride and he enjoyed doing since the age of three.  Macio was having a big boy slash almost grown man temper tantrum and he simply needed a break! Macio came home from his adventure and travel, which by the way he played his heart out for others and wrote songs.  He knew exactly where to go and where to be to hook up with others and share his talent (show off) When Macio came back home he didn’t move back in with his parents.  Instead he crashed on his big brothers couch and worked on his craft.  A struggling musician. He wrote songs, played in bars, clubs studio musician any and everything he could do to get out there in the world of music. After just one year because he already had a name for himself he was writing music and had begun to produce music for others.  He in turn got a record deal and produced his first record went multi- platinum. Macio had his hand in any and everything he could he was and still is the man with the golden touch.  He writes and produces music for so many different groups of people.  Classical, country, pop, R&B and his favorite jazz! Macio has won well over 10 Grammys and other awards and his music is loved by people all over the world.

 

Did Macio find himself? If you want to say he did then he did.  He found out what he knew, or already knew what his passion was and that was music.  Even though our paths change as we grow older we should all stay true to who we are and what we want to do.  You may grow up wanting to be a doctor but as you get older you find out something about yourself and that is you have a talent for painting, but you know you need to make a living but this passion burns deep inside.  So you have a side hustle, you paint portraits.  You’re at festivals selling your artwork.  You have your own website selling your product.  You may also be a person that goes to school and attain an English degree and feel you want to be a teacher and find yourself coaching a little league team.  You never have to go anywhere to FIND yourself again because you are right there.  You are not lost; you are just caught up in the decision of what you need to do and what you want to do.  Because where you are that is where you have been all the time.

 

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

06/2011

 

Dedicated to those who feel lost, there is hope, peace, solace and joy.  Your rainbow is there just pull it out of your heart and rest in you!

 

PIMP CHRONICLES 101….DAMMIT CAN YOU WATCH WHAT YOU SAY ??? AND YES I AM BEING FECIOUS! GUARD YOUR MOUTH.. IT IS CRUEL

AND A WEAPON!!!!

 

 

I am sure that we all know that words we speak, read and hear carry a lot of validity. The tongue can cause good and bad. But it is our thoughts and feelings that cause us to be blunt and direct; if some of us see or interact with something that does not sit well with us it causes us to think quickly and respond sometimes without thinking and some of us where we have to think before we speak.  And so I am encouraged and excited in bringing you this Chronicle today!

 

When I was growing up my mother would always always tell me “You talk too much! There is a time to speak and there is a time to be quiet.” I had not of course mastered this and was always seemingly saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.  And placing myself in some pretty precarious situations; My mom would also tell me, “You are either going to find yourself in a hospital or six feet under”  And that was because I spoke whatever was on my mind.  I guess being a counselor/psychiatrist/motivational speaker was truly my calling because I love to talk and put people in check and in the cusp of all of that speak my mind and be wholly direct! And at this point in my life I could see no better job for me.  I could have been a journalist some columnist writer with a forum.  However I don’t feel that would have still rendered me the freedom that I love and enjoy so much at this point in my life.

 

Some of us need to break some UGLY cycles and learned behavior.  It is not hard to do but some of you make it harder than it should be.  Example: Let’s say that you were raised or brought up in a home where there was constant yelling and fighting and you did not like it.  Some say what I am suggesting is not easy.  Sure it is, if you did not like being yelled at, then when you decide to make or have your family you simply make a conscious decision not to yell at your children!! I love to give props where props are indeed due.  Florence Joyner grew up in the projects of Los Angeles, she knew from onset that she did not want to grow up and live any of her adult life in any type of projects or low-income assistance housing. While her parents parents did not get very far in life with continuing their education or having spectacular jobs. (Learned behavior-they seen of their parents did the best they could from what they saw of their parents.) Florence had decided that she wanted more she wanted to go to college.  So she did something in her high school career that she enjoyed, running!  And she did this so well with the encouragement of her coaches that she got a scholarship and she most of all ran in the Olympics and snatched herself up some medals in the process!! How wonderful is that?  She made a solid conscience decision! And just like that she changed the course of her future!   

 

Another example, when my mother said that her uncle could out curse a sailor she wasn’t lying. Though “Uncle Bobby” (name changed to protect his identity) was highly intelligent, respected in his community, and ran a very successful business it never made him give up the one thing he loved doing. And that was using profane language.  I can understand that at times it is used in anger, make a point here and there.  And because I had such an extreme foul mouth at one time I had to learn to curb that. But Uncle Bobby cursed so much it wore on you and literally got on your nerves! Everyone no matter who they were was“mutha fucka” children, family, friends and the people who worked for him.  He meshed so many curse words together in one sentence it would make you dizzy! He had three children, the son and the daughter had his mannish ideas attitudes and foul mouth.  The other daughter refused to bring that attention to herself she was embarrassed as a young child that her dad spoke like that.  So were the other children.  They cried and vented about it to family and friends all the time.  Yet the thing they loathed the most they took on the persona.  I asked them why did they do the thing they hated their father had done to embarrass them all their life.  You know what? They could not answer it was out of laziness that they speak this way. Now they have children and their children are ashamed and embarrassed they speak this way.  They know their children are hurt and embarrassed and they are hurt and embarrassed their children do not have friends over to the home.  Do not ask them to go anywhere or pick them up. They exclude them from their lives. And this hurts them, but all they have to do is guard their mouths!!!

 

For me being blunt was a relief and a joy all at the same time! I was bullied a portion of my life while in elementary and Middle school.  At the time I was in school it was called Junior High.  Well once I had gotten my sea legs and let silly insecure mofos stop punking me I had began to run my mouth like water with a non-stop shut off valve.  For some reason I had this boost of wonderful confidence that nothing, and I do mean nothing could harm or hurt me.  This is why my mother said, “You are going to say the wrong thing to the wrong person”  And this was to sway me that I could die or someone beat me so badly I would be lying in a hospital bed?? Aww naw not me!! And fortunate for me nothing did not happen to me! I felt I had the freedom to speech if others could say what they wanted to say when they wanted to say it then so did I!  It seemed the people who stood up for themselves and talked a lil shyt were the ones who were respected. And even though I didn’t like my Uncle Bobby’s mouth by far and he embarrassed me as well.  Nobody messed with him at all! Now with this openness to tell people how I felt, how they were acting, what I did and didn’t like.  I stepped on a lot of toes, hurt a lot of feelings, and lost some friends, jobs and important things to me along the way.  I had to grow and learn that there were times as my mother said when you he had to be quiet.  My mouth being blunt also caused a lot of enemies. I had to learn as I got into college that there was a right way and a wrong way to talk to people. When I am lecturing of course I am very blunt as well as motivational speaking I am very forward.  It is also in these Pimp Chronicles 101 that I am able to really relax relate release.  Because it is now that I don’t have to give an excuse as to why I am who I am and what it is that I do. 

 

I am hurt and bothered when I hear mothers screaming and hollering obscenities to their children out in public.  That I can’t stand and is the lowest of the lowest form of degradation, bullying, and it is also a very mean and cruel way to place an intense fear in your child.  Not good for a child to grow up fearing their parents.  This is the one and only person(s) where they need nurturing, encouragement, love and warmth and lots of understanding!  How dare you scream and bully someone because you were bullied or someone has been mean to you.  Or your patience is short and you don’t want to be bothered you selfish SOB you should have not had children!! Do your patience get short and you don’t want to be bothered at times?  Of course, but take a breather damn!

 

I am also perturbed, livid, and angry beyond extreme when I hear or meet or find out about a man that is being verbally abusive to a woman and tearing her down to make himself feel better!! Words stick like glue, they lift up and they bring you down.  And a man who knows that he has  a woman that loves him will say the most degrading things to the woman whom he says he loves? (And ladies he hates you is jealous and insecure) well beautiful he doesn’t love you at all!! Now of course I have spoken on this subject of women being abused and personally I can speak for hours directly blunt and harsh on this matter.  Breaking everything down for the good the bad and the extremely ugly. However that is another matter.

 

Some of us like to just straight up dog others because it does make us feel powerful and we get a boost, a feel good endorphin of evil that we have said something to someone to not make them feel good about who they are.  Please let me give you a really great example.  Because this is or could be someone you are with family, dating etc.,

 

“Destiny” a beautiful and very eccentric woman.  Destiny’s personality attracted men (of course) women all being young old and in between. Children gravitated to her and senior citizens adored her. And I  will say yes she had a beautiful personality and she was truly like golden honey on a sunny warm day!  Now I can say her outward beauty attracted people to her, her smile, the way she talked and was so open.  But that is just a few things.  Because it just wasn’t a man lustfully looking at a woman.  Women always complimented her, the way she dressed and her sense of style.  So even I was amazed how people were initially drawn into her and attracted to her.  Well Destiny had started dating a man who was charming and smooth as snake oil. At the time Destiny met this gentleman (and I am being very nice by calling the azz that) her career was doing very well.  She went on tons of auditions she was dancing in plays and shows.  She was doing commercials and small rolls on TV shows.  It wasn’t until she got the news that her mother was ill and the doctor had told her that she needed to move to a different climate in order to help her breathe better.  Plus the rehabilitation center was there; a cooler climate with fresher air.  Of course this news was very devastating to her, very close to her mother.  Until her mother had fallen ill with the lung disease she was having. Mother was coach, mentor, shoulder to lean on, manager; And even when her mother had stepped down from being her talent scout, she still managed to book her gigs and auditions. 

 

“James” whom I had already stated to you was a smooth charmer, I seen his kind before many times. He put a bad name on men who really were what I like to call “the good charmers” that don’t leave a bad taste in your mouth or not out to deceive you. James on the other hand was in way over his head when he met Destiny. She was very much so out of his league. Destiny was a very powerful woman and when you have that much power and so easily can capture people yourself who would not be intimidated by you?  Well so was the case with James.  James not a very attractive man to begin with pulled out all the stops, endless emails, calls here and there not to of course bombard and overload her.  Why would he do that?  Just enough to put HIM on her MIND.  When he spoke to her and she told him about an audition or that she was out of town performing he would be sure to send her some flowers, fruit basket, her favorite candies or something she mentioned in mere talking to him.  Because this snake-azz paid attention and hung to her every word for sure.

 

Well when Destiny had told him the news of her mother’s health crisis and her leaving.  James seeing how distraught she was immediately felt it was time for him to move in for the kill.  He showered her with more calls, gifts, cards, dinners, drives, and he even went to visit her mother and take her out until she had left. They all three had spent time together.  James went as far as being proactive is assisting with finding her mother a pre-foreclosed home where she was moving really cheap and very nice I might add so that when she got out of rehab she would live a lavish comfy existence. This man was good!  Well Destiny’s mom had left and Destiny found herself depressed and it seemed her auditions and work had slowed up for her.  Her date life was a mess as far as she saw it.  Men spoiled her but they didn’t give or do for her like James. James had eventually moved Destiny into his home and slowly surely he had began to get in her head.  It started off very innocent and mild. Until he had began to degrade her verbally and when I had seen her she was not the young woman I had knew.  I loved Destiny very much and I immediately took over.  She was whipped inside and out! She packed her things, changed her cell number, and I had done any and all I could to put her in the right path.  This man was telling her; She wasn’t beautiful, she wasn’t smart, she wasn’t talented, she was dumb, a bytch, he didn’t understand why people were drawn to her.  She should stop performing she would never work again.  And she believed this and stayed in the house.  She cooked his meals, gave him sex, took care of him, slept, and only danced when he was away.  She had lost who she was. I couldn’t have that! And that was not who Destiny was. In about two weeks she was back on her feet and feeling good.

 

Is there someone telling you the bad? The ugly? The untruth to make you feel bad about you and make you feel as if you are the sticky shyt on the bottom of the barrel?  You run!  You hide!  You leave the company of such haters and insecure people.  Some of you may say that is not hard to do and who is that stupid or dumb to continue to subject themselves to such mess?       A LOT OF YOU!!! I have seen it from young children to people who are in their sixties and seventies.

 

I worked a conference one year with a man who I highly respect and regard in the field of motivation and clinical psychology.  It seems that he broke things down in such a simplified unique matter.  And I was in awe of him!  It was at one of the conferences that we had attended and we were in his suite “Dr. Chaylen” I will call him had his assistant with him and the whole while I was there she wiped up, moved things out of the way, collected papers, poured wine, poured coffee.  It was like she knew everything she should do without asking or him telling her what to do.  I didn’t see her as an assistant, I saw her as a hand and feet slave.  She not once left his side to only carry out a duty. If that was to throw something in the trash, remove the dishes off the table.  Whatever it was she was there.  And she seemed meek and shy.  She reminded me of one of those Japanese Geisha woman.  She never looked me or Dr. Chaylen in the eyes.  She answered the phone in the suite, and he had hooked her up with a cell phone so whomever he met would call “his secretary” until he was ready to give that individual his own number and speak to them directly.

 

After about fifteen minutes of watching what I had thought was strange behavior, I no longer paid attention to any of the words that escaped his mouth. I believe my mouth was a gaped and I truly aghast at the sight I was viewing. At one point and time she was multi-tasking wonderfully and then she had accidently spilled some coffee on the table and rug and dropped her cell phone as it was ringing and I was even more surprised when Dr. Chaylen had yelled and began to belittle her.  Not once did her face change from embarrassment or did she shed a tear or even look at me.  That right then and there had told me she had gotten a tough skin about herself and she knew that if she had opened her mouth there would be more hell to pay!

 

A lady I was dating hates watching news, sports, drama but loved anything related to designing, decorating, construction, history and gossip.  Her favorite shows had turned into “Dumb TV” which is what I call reality TV.  She enjoyed this show that came on where Sean Combs, P-Diddy, Puffy whatever you call this man. He was looking for another personal assistant. Like the five he already had were not enough, he now needed more help someone by his side.  I scoffed at this because who needs that many people in their cipher and at the beck and call?  Apparently he did and so many more people who had demanding lives from what I was told.  My assistant worked via from cell phone, email, fax and IM.  So who was I to question their needs?

 

When I had watched this program I had begun to get more and more transfixed at the high jinx antics he would take them through, and these “assignments” they had to pass just to see if they could be his assistant or not. And the teams that did not do well after being judged by one of his close assistants and two full-time employees of his company they were voted off of the show. Now of course the first thing I paid very close attention to was, if the team failed in anyway whatsoever the other team members would throw salt on the other person by saying,” I don’t think she/he did well and jeopardized us winning the challenge!” Which I do understand that this is a game and the fine detailing of getting the right person to work in his camp. But yet the stripping down by WORDS.  Tearing ones creditability down by WORDS.  Speaking negative WORDS and making that person feel bad. And this is done on TV worldwide MTV!!! Can’t get any better than that!

 

Look we have sooo much power and some of us know it and abuse it and some of us know it and are afraid to use it.  If words didn’t hold any POWER at all then Preachers, Teachers, Professors, Motivational speakers, Sales People, Psychiatrist, Politicians, Supervisors, Parents and the list goes on and on and on!!! Words carry huge weights and have a huge impact.  Is there anything wrong with uplifting and encouraging?  Is there? Do we always have to bring someone down and bring their self-esteem down because we don’t have what they have?  Or do we need to let others know I have more than you so you do as I say do and the moment you step out of line it’s curtains for you! Do we have to humiliate others?  Do we have to embarrass others?  Is there any gain to yell and belittle others?  Hell naw!

 

Watch what you say and put a guard on your mouth! Because you would not want anyone to come at you that way.  And if they did, well what are you going to do?  Maybe yell back and make more of a fool of yourself?  Only because both of you look like two spectacles and you know you are being talked about negatively.  I shake my head at all this madness.  I say stop it!  And though that is the way I feel.  I know that there will always be some people in this world who can’t put a lock on their damn mouths to save their on lives!!!  You know how I can tell? Because right now you are the one saying “I don’t have that problem” 

 

Signing off,

Dangerous Dan

05/2011

 

 

PIMP CHRONICLES 101…SOME OF YOU WOMEN DESERVE TO BE MISTREATED

BECAUSE YOU LOVE MENTAL & EMOTIONAL TORTURE!!!

 

If one more woman I meet, hear or see continue down this humongous wide road of self destruction and does not think of herself as she should, I do not know what I am going to do!!! I meet and come across some of the silliest most dumbfounded women in the country.  For women to have stepped up their game and stepped up to the plate and become enormously wealthy, popular in business and making more and more

profound steps; I am so waiting for them to catch up mentally and emotionally and start taking care of themselves better than they ever have!

 

I have met women that have it together in the boardroom, family, social, climbing the business ladder, running their own business’s, fashion savvy and yet and still they allow themselves to be railroaded by some of the most insufficient, unavailable men in history!!! No one wants to be alone in life and I truly dig that.  Hell I don’t want to be alone! Companionship is crucial for all of us who are human and “normal”.  In one way or the other; rather you are a player, pimp, user or abuser you want someone you can talk to, maybe have sex with.  Company of another individual in your cipher; If I had a penny, not even a dollar, nickel or quarter for all the many women that have come into my office or that I have met that have spoke on MEN and how they ALLOW these sorry men in and out of their lives!  Well ladies this chronicle is not going to be for you today, I will be stepping on pretty toes ugly ones pedicure and non-pedicure. Feelings may be hurt and feathers may be ruffled so if you don’t like the heat go ahead and move to another climate, where is cold just like the men you deal with.

 

First let me say for the men in this world who may happen to read this chronicle, in no way am I speaking of the righteous and true men who love and adore women and want a wonderful woman in their lives.  Who do all the things (or most) that women enjoy.  This is not a male bashing text to get anyone wired and perplexed but in true hopes to rattle some nerves and get some of you women not all to wake up and smell the stench that is permeating in the air.  Hell for me it is wafting and unmistakably vulgar and foul or dour in the air!!! WAKE UPPPP!!!

 

I have met men who have been walked, ran over and abused, unfortunately this is not about you.  This is about the women who whine and continuously belly ache and have no inclination of a good or bad man.  At least that is how I perceive it.

 

Do you walk up to fire and put your hand in it and say “I would love to burn my body to a ripe crisp! I would love to have fourth degree burns and skin graphs!” Do you? I would hope not! It is the lowered expectations, it is the low self-esteem, the hatred of ones self, the non- love of self. I do understand how we can get CAUGHT up in a situation and we are in love.  But stupid is as stupid does.  It is hilariously funny in an ironic way of how when a woman does not get the type of service she feels she deserves or is proper from a store, salesperson or restaurant she will complain and no longer go to that store or eat at that restaurant any longer. She REFUSES to waste her time and give her money to such an establishment.  Yet this dimwitted woman would stay with a man who does not have a job, embarrasses her, uses her, abuses her and misuses her.  And the ha ha (ironic funny) is that she will say she knows he is no good and speak to her constituents about his raucous behavior and that he must go.  And three months, five years that man is still there doing the same exact thing to her if not more!!! Is it me?  Maybe it could be.  I find no interest in anything that causes me any negative emotional or mental experiences.

 

I had been asked to attend a bar-b-que from an associate of mines about a month ago.  This was something she would do every summer without fail.  All the times that she had invited me I was always out of town.  I had heard good and not so good things about her fun in the sun bar-b-que.  The not so good thing was the husband.  Every year there was some sort of fiasco that would incur, yet she would keep hosting these elaborate bar-b-que gatherings.  She spent thousands of dollars on this event.  Renting cabanas, waiters, caterers, a bartender, beautiful decorations and a DJ; this by no means was just an intimate get together.  She owned, (notice I said she owned) a beautiful home that sat on six acres of land with a pool and a small man made lake. I will call her “Susan” had purchased this house before she got married to “Thomas” Susan owning a very high profile marketing and consulting firm had climbed and clawed her way to the top of the ranks where she worked with some extreme heavy hitters.  And men threw themselves at her! A very attractive woman inside and out sharp and on point. 

 

She met Thomas at a gas station and thought he was “cute” so she gave him her card and they had begun to date.  Whatever it was that Thomas had no other man had brought to the table (that is what she told me) but from what I saw that day and night and had heard he brought very little to the table and was also a huge pain in the azz!

 

Thomas was a mooch and the word faithful was not in his vocabulary at all, he flirted with all of Susan’s friends.  And from what I had heard had slept with a few of them. Well who she thought were friends. I had been told many things of this cad Thomas and many things have been told directly to me from Susan. 

 

Thomas was in a rare form the night of the event.  Susan was under the impression that Thomas would be out of town for this gathering which she was happy about since this affair had now become an annual event.  Low and behold he had changed his mind! Drunk, loud, flirting with the women, having women in and out of the pool house snorting cocaine that he didn’t even bother to wipe from his nose; it was a night of disaster, and for the life of me I could not understand why Susan put up with such behavior from a man that had no couth about him or anyone else. And if he annual functioning’s she gave every year, why would she continue to torture herself as such?  I had all the questions and had begun to make up answers. This had nothing to do with Thomas, nothing.  I know women say “He must be putting it down in bed.” Women and men can get a bit elated about someone who is great in bed.  It is true, however not in the case of taking it so far where they cannot see straight or out of touch with reality.  Let’s face it you can not have sex 24 hours of the day! And if sex is what's keeping you in a downtrodden relationship then it is you!

 

What I had seen at this party was so humiliating that I was embarrassed for Susan a lot of her guest including myself had left.  On my way home while I was in the car I had began to analyze the situation.  And the bottom line was Susan didn’t love herself as much as she loved having a nice home, clothes, business, car, social status, traveling, money as much as she liked being embarrassed, shamed and hurt by Thomas.  She I was sure felt she loved herself and she was head over heels in love with Thomas! She also had no respect or any self love, and I am sure if you or anyone had asked if she did she would tell you that she loved herself very much!

 

When I read the biography of Tina Turner, and later saw the movie.  I honestly saw from point A to point B what had caused her semi demise and how she got stick in an awful situation with Ike Turner.  First and foremost Ike and Tina were not in a relationship in the very beginning when Tina started singing with him. She of course knew of his bad boy status.  Knew that he loved and left them and cheated on them. And that was the more of her attraction to him that is to a certain extent.  Not having her mother growing up and her father did play a huge part on her young development.  So was it the clothes?  The diamonds and beautiful jewelry that she got from Ike?  Was she mistreated by the first man she dated and had a child with before she married Ike?  Well according to her biography she mentioned nothing of any form of abuse.  The way the book stated from her words; she wanted to show him loyalty, but did she have to stay married to him and receive this continued abuse in order to keep singing? I understand she tried to leave a few times and I know that Ike was a bully.  And would it also be safe to say that it was because she took on a new “religion” that she had gotten the courage to leave him? Did it boost her courage?  Hmmm… there are a lot of things that boost ones courage. And I will not argue the fact that her becoming a Buddhist did that for her.  Who am I to say? However what do you say about a drug head or a woman who doesn’t leave because they found a religion to give them inner strength?  Truth is told there are women who are in the church sector being abused by ministers, deacons and the like.  There are women that have been taken from their families not to see or speak with them or friends while they have been with an abusive man or lover.  Even having someone who cheats and verbally abuses them, so what is really the root of this?

 

First of all let me explain why I have no feelings of a woman being cheated on, abused (verbally, mentally or physically) because I have had very close friends and family suffer from this vicious cycle and crisis.  My aunt was verbally, mentally and physically abused by my Uncle. She was an educated, intelligent and had a prolific salaried job.  A new car every two years, she goes wherever she wants and when she wants.  She was loved highly by her family she was my mother’s sister.  They did not grow up seeing any abuse in their home what so ever. Yet my Aunt married a man that was loud and obnoxious, that couldn’t keep a job.  That was always getting into trouble with the law and others.  And she went through this before she said I do! My uncle had jumped on her a few times and humiliated her in front of friends before they got married. See my aunt had very little self-esteem no love for herself.  Schooling didn’t do it, the high life, money and I may say being a very attractive woman.  She loathed herself and had low expectations.  Somewhere along the way my aunt didn’t feel WORTHY.  Worthy to be loved and treated as she should and that is how a lot of women are today.

 

I must and will admit there are some women out there that truly enjoy the fuss, fight, drawl knockout type love.  It is very tiresome in my opinion.  But being berated and belittled and then jump up and have sex with their lover is the best things since the car was invented.  Again this goes back to this makes them feel loved wanted and needed.  Why would the most precious gift to a man want that in her life?  Why would a man want to mistreat the woman he loves?  Says a lot about both parties however no one can do anything to you that you do not allow. The minute you okay being hit, talked down to, disrespected in any way what so ever and continue to let it happen over and over after pitiful and pathetic apology after another.  YOU DESERVE IT! You are not a child, and please do not let me get on that subject of children being abused in any manor.  You do not keep calling your family and friends and telling them religiously how you are unhappy and excruciatingly tired of how you are being mistreated by this man whom you say that you love!! Where is the sense in that?  Lets’ make a list of all the things that goes through ones mind of reasoning.

 

I know I should leave

He is not good for me

He embarrasses me

He uses me

I don’t deserve to be hit

I take care of him

He cheats on me

He yells at me

He disrespects me

He hurts my feelings

I can do better

I deserve better

No one likes him

He never has any money

He is lazy

He doesn’t do anything to show me he loves me

He is insecure (that means he is jealous of the skill sets you have and he doesn’t posses)

He hates it when I am around my friends/family

 

And there are many more to this list, I can go on and on but you pretty much get the damn picture! What I am saying is when you start to think of how you are treated and how you are disrespected.  And then you begin to rationalize why you are with this person (love) the negative out weighs the positive. And if you are confused and twisted about the effects of the relationship and what it is holding on you. Then you have the answer, you should.  Yes love hurts feelings at times and crushes our spirits.  And if you don’t know what “bad love” is yet would you be able to recognize what “real love” is. (I speak this loosely because some do know love is not abusive) One should not have to negate why one is in a tired useless relationship with a man who is parsimonious!

 

Get this; when you stay year after year and you know that things are not going to get better.  And the destruction on your mental is weighing heavier then you deserve to be hurt and mistreated.  No one is forcing you to stay with him and at the end of the day you know better, you want to leave you are very unhappy.  So should your family and friends keep sheltering you from the mental and emotional agony you receive on a daily?  Is it that you are scared that know one else will and can love you the way that you deserve?  Wouldn’t be better to be single and have no one than to continue to torture yourself? Are you that hungry for a man where you just lay yourself over the railroad tracks to be killed? Where and how do you place your self-worth? How many people have to tell you that you do not deserve to be treated like you do?

 

If you have enough cognitive sense to know this is wrong, again you deserve it and I cannot feel sorry for you.  There is nothing making you stay! If it is a situation where you are threatened and you are FORCED to stay against your will this is not a chronicle for you.  You need to actually call the police and they can get you into a safe shelter for women in your situation. 

 

Women you have tolerated a lot in your lives just in journey.  I have a great respect for you all.  Some of you have left abusive situations, left by a husband or man that you thought was going to be there for you and left you holding the bag with the bills and the children. Taking on so much in order to get ahead! School, multiple jobs, having to fight the fact that regardless of how far we have come in this world you still live in a mans world and you have to fight to take your place in it. I understand and get the struggles, trust me I do!!! But nothing and I do mean nothing can make you feel that you fit in this world but you being secure with yourself and where you are with yourself.  No man and I do mean man should make a woman feel empowered ever in this lifetime.  Just as a woman should have a mans back and save her place in his life a man is suppose to protect her and be there for her as well.  So when did things get out of shape? When did a woman lose her self worth along the way?

 

If you were on the receiving end of a close friend who called you constantly and told you that she was miserable almost daily for month end and month out.  Would you not grow weary?  Would you not speak up and say “If she likes it I love it!” Would you also find choice words to call her? Stupid? Dumb? Or maybe some not so nice words that should not be said of a woman; it is hard to see a loved one go through pain and torture when family and friends see value in their loved one and also see them getting taken advantage of. Excuse me, I know that I am a man, and I do not mean this in a disrespectful manor. How is it that you do not want a man to look at you for sex only and you feel that you are more that that.  So why would a woman not feel or see her value in being treated better by a man?

 

When you acknowledge that you are unhappy ladies (not all) you know there is a problem a severe issue that causes you to re-think your course and whom you are with.  I am speaking to the lady (s) who want better and are not doing better.  I cannot (and no one else) help you see the good and the wonderful inside of you.  We all can only save you for so long and be there for you so long because we get tired and drained from hearing the antics and drama of your life that you will not step to the plate and handle as a grown woman.  Instead you call family/friends to dump on.  So again I say you deserve to go through what you go through because of your reasoning and strong thinking we already know that YOU know better.

 

So do you deserve to go through it?  I don’t know, you tell me.

 

Signing off,
Dangerous Dan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PIMP CHRONICLES 101……. YOU STOPPED BELIEVING IN ME….SO WHAT DO I DO NOW?

 I am tired are you tired? Then let’s take a nap until we both are well rested and feeling refreshed and good, no better yet great about ourselves and just overall life and walking, breathing, living and feeling grateful for the opportunities. I am trying to remain positive here because my nerves are shot and here is one of those chronicles that are taking me close to the edge.  Because what I really wanna say is; you are truly one sorry mutha…okay deep breath...whew!!

 

Let me start by telling you a story, of course being true(stories of others lives) all names for all Pimp Chronicles are changed to protect the individual.  My girl, my ace, my heart and my love.  I dated of course so many women in college, and I laid a lot of women in college too.  I will not lie to you, and there were some women while I was in school that grabbed my heart and it seemed they carried it around with them.  My nose was open like a water faucet.  “Terrence” was one of them, we all called her Terry.  She was a quiet beauty, not into make-up and clothes the first year and a half of college.  Of course guys on campus found her very attractive but always had something to say. “If she would do something to her hair and dress better she would be hot!”  Well I felt that way too, however I started talking and getting close to Terry.  We had a couple of classes together the first semester.  And by the first year ended up taking a lot of our courses together because we were both studying for a degree in psychology, Terry and I just didn’t know what field we wanted to go into as of yet.  She didn’t know if she wanted to work with kids or actually open up her own practice.  But one thing we were certain about was we wanted to by psychologist.

 

Terry and I got very close and I was becoming more and more attracted to her every time we studied are spent any time together. We looked out for each other as well.  We cooked for each other, shopped for each other rather that be food or school supplies.  I found myself buying Terry personal items like her favorite body sprays, shampoos, lotions and the soaps and crèmes she used on her body and face. 

 

After a year and a half passed Terry had come out!! That long hair she pulled up in a ponytail was now flowing behind her back.  Rather she would let it be all natural and curly or she had it straightened she looked fabulous! She wore make-up to enhance her natural beauty and her wardrobe received a drastic make-over as well.  The guys were now all over her even more!  She never changed though with me, our relationship was still the same.  Matter of fact a lot of the guys were now even more jealous and envious because I took up a lot of her time. 

 

It wasn’t until we had completed two years of school that we had been intimate with one another.  And Terry blew me away I will say that her charm intelligence and a sleuth of other wonderful attributes rounded her out to be a hot catch!

 

I was being the typical man, looking to satisfy a lot of my lust with as many women as I could.  So eventually the intimate time I shared with Terry came to a halt.  But she was a woman about it and not once held that against me.  It seems now she had done more for me and I had done more for her.  We had become each others bodyguard if you will.  And we were a real and true support for one another in some real hard times. 

After we maintained our Masters we had decided that we would continue our education and get our PHD that meant going to graduate school for another two years.  And because of our GPA status we got scholarships and chose to go to the same university together. We got an apartment together right outside of campus and split everything.  Me being the man I wanted to pay the rent for us. 

 

It was at this time that Terry had met a guy that I was a little suspicious about in the beginning for a long time. I thought maybe it was jealousy, but my insight (spirit) doesn’t lie. Time moves forward and on and we graduated from grad school, top honors, Deans list.  I go on to get a job and so does Terry, still seeing this guy; I will call him “Joe” Joe seemed to support her in everything she wanted to do and wherever she wanted to go. I feel that was only because I did that and I also had a true and deep relationship with her that he didn’t have.  So there was some machismo jumping off between us. 

 

Joe had got picked up by a new team who had offered him a $10,000,000 dollar contract to play football. The boy was bad, I will admit that.  And he was far from a dummy! He played in college the full four years until he got his masters degree in social studies and business law.  He carried a tough scholastic plan, but he made it through and held out for the right dough.  Terry and I got into all the games free sitting in the skybox of course.  He flew us to wherever he was because he knew Terry wasn’t going unless I was coming with her.  We by this time had told people we were brother and sister.  Though I was still sexually attracted to her I never let that show. And I made sure I gave her respect.

 

One day Terry ups and tells me that Joe had bought her this huge penthouse condo overlooking the beach.  He had also bought her a new Mercedes apple red convertible with white leather interior.  He also had proposed to her by placing a 7kt diamond on her hand.  After he had proposed to her and she of course accepted.  He then sent her on a shopping spree, make-over, spa day and wanted her to live in this luxury all the time. 

 

The wedding was huge! And Joe was a top athlete; getting mass media coverage as Jerry Rice, Deon Saunders, Joe Montana & the very notorious OJ Simpson.  He also had tons of endorsements deals.  Nike, Burger King, Virgin Airlines, and a great endorsement for Mercedes Benz because he had now become an avid collector of the vehicles; from classic vintage to the latest model that was on the showroom floor. 

 

He now wanted Terry to be where he wanted her to be, do what he wanted her to do.  Dress, look, talk, walk the way he wanted her to.  She did, she like the lifestyle very much.  Nothing I am sure she could have ever imagined.  She had opened up many charitable organizations in Joe’s name which was a very smart thing to do so that Uncle Sam wouldn’t take all his money and he wouldn’t owe a lot at the end of each fiscal year.  Her life was no longer her own. Her dreams of opening her own practice to help children was no longer a priority.

 

As time went by she had gotten lost in Joe’s world, and Joe had begun to take that for granted.  He had been caught by her many of times with other women. Joe was a womanizing man that took it so far that he would bring the women to their home, condo it didn’t matter.  He had turned Terry out where he was watching her sleep with these women and he joined in.  This was not the Terry I knew and grew to love.  And our friendship had begun to dissipate because he had her so caught up and so busy.

 

Of course all roads come to an end.  And Joe had more money and tons of power and marriage was no longer something he wanted with Terry.  So he served her divorce papers out of the clear blue after twelve years of marriage.  Terry was now the ripe age of thirty-six and soon to be thirty-seven in a few more months.  And she felt she was a wash up.  Joe was still playing, though considered to be old for the NFL the man was still handling his business and breaking records!! So he was set for a while.  And he was a couple of years younger than Terry. 

 

Terry felt as if her world came crashing in and was depressed.  Here she had done things that were not moralistically and ethically sound.  She had given up her goals and dreams.  She had let her education that her parents had spent money on flush down the tubes. Though she would be financially set for life (because Joe never had a prenuptial agreement silly man) she felt lost and destitute.  Joe had told Terry that she was not the same woman he had married, that she had lost herself in his life, his career.  She had become a trophy wife and a slave of sorts.  And telling her this time and time again through out their talks she believed it.  Just because you study and know psychology doesn’t mean you cannot get caught up. 

 

I know I spent a lot of time in this chronicle in regards to my friend, but I felt you needed the full and whole story.  That many women and men find themselves here all the time.  Some of you can move on and some of you can’t! Why is it that if one person or a person stops believing in you, trusting you, loving you, supporting you? You lose all hope? All your hope and dreams seem to mean nothing?  How did you get here in the game of life?  You were the one who was so eager to do what you wanted to do and how you wanted to do it.  You knew what you were up against and you were more than up for the challenge. And now you are faced in the precarious situation of believing in you again by yourself. Why??

 

Some of us are babies, and unfortunately we need some people to constantly encourage us and help us move down the road called life. And some of us are the huge go getters not depending on anyone to give us the moral and verbal support that others so need.  Don’t get me wrong it is a wonderful thing for people to believe in you and support your ideas and dreams.  A lot of people thought that Thomas Edison was a nut.  That Einstein was an idiot no one supported Charles Drew when he had discovered penicillin.  This stopped no one from doing what they believed in. And to all the many athletes, politicians, actors, singers, civil right activist?  They believed they would all make a difference in their life and others.

 

I was completely blown back in how Terry had felt she was a nobody; that she couldn’t go teach, start an organization.  She had done all of this with love and motivation when she was helping and assisting her husband in life through his many charitable and non-profit organizations.  Lending her hand to many people for support she lost sight of who she was.  She felt she needed Joe, without Joe she was a nobody.  But before Joe she had earned her PHD!

 

My people and confidantes listen to me you are and always and have been somebody.  I recall seeing many stories/bios on television when I have had down time of people who lost limbs, family members, and in the beginning had all the empathy they could stand.  But when the injury got old, or the family member had been dead for two or three months it was long forgotten.  But not by that person.  When no one wanted to continue to support that “missing child” that parent started organizations and wrote to congress to pass laws.  When that athlete had been long left in the dirt from losing a limb and the world no longer sung or cheered his name.  He stayed strong and decided to keep swimming, to keep running! Artificial limbs, no limbs he/she was determined no matter what. So many people are told they can’t do it and will not be able to do it because they are left in limbo, have a handicap.

 

Terry’s problem was she had allowed her husband to handicap her. Twelve years of living someone else’s life and now afraid to move out on your own; I say get up get out and get something! The best motivation one can have is when you are in the bottom of the boat, the sticky shhh…at the bottom of the barrel.  Sometimes you have to encourage yourself.  Sometimes you have to believe in yourself.  Know in your heart of hearts that whatever you set your hands to do it shall prosper.  But you gotta believe!

 

 

Signing off,

Dangerous Dan

 

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

03/2011

 

 

 

 

THE DEFINITIONS OF MY PIMP CHONICLES 101

BY DANGEROUS DAN

 Pimp-

 

(encyclopedia)

1607, perhaps from M. Fr. Pimper “to dress elegantly” “alluring I dress, seductive. “Weekley suggests M. Fr. Pimpreneau, defined in Cotgrave (1611) as “a knave rascall, varlet, scoundrel.” The word also means informer, stool pigeon”

(dictionary-second translation)

To act as a pimp, a spy or informer

(thesaurus)

Procurer

Hustler, mack, pander,

Chronicle-

(encyclopedia)

A usually continuous historical account of events arranged in order of time without analysis or interpretation.

(dictionary)

To record in or as in a chronicle.

(thesaurus)

Account narrative, annals, diary, history, journal, narration, recital, report, story, version

101-

 

Main Entry:

101

Part of Speech:

adj

Definition:

basic, elementary knowledge; basic knowledge offered in course form

Example:

Welcome to Dr. Day's English 101 Class!

Etymology:

from the numbering of introductory college coursework

As I writer, when I first got started I was all over the place trying to convey my feelings and exactly what I wanted to write. Just as a painter or person who sketches when you go and look at all of the work they have done it tends to cover a sleuth of paintings and sketches of so many different things, people, places, shapes and abstracts.  So as it is when I started writing, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to write books, novels, short stories or poems.  But I never closed the door on any of my work. I just let it flow

I use to be a heavy fiction reader, very heavy and had a sleuth of contemporary artist that wrote fiction novels.  However I have now cut some of those Arthurs down to less than half of whose work I will read and filter in my system. That is not to say that there is no market for their work and neither am I putting them down in any manner whatsoever, creativity is a wonderful and beautiful thing! I go back and still enjoy reading my old work that is on my website, the many stories and short poems that I wrote.  And I have actually seen growth, humor, sensitivity and learned from my own self and enjoy the plot and story lines.

When I decided to do the “Pimp Chronicles 101” series it was my way of preaching to the choir (me) and with doing that giving back in a way of sorts. You never know where a persons head is at, what they are going through or feeling.  And we all have similar things we have gone through and been through which is why I think writing the Pimp Chronicles 101 is useful and helpful to many. A lover of psychology and reading and summoning things in my head that make you say “Hmmmm…” And also paying attention to the details of others trials and tribulations as well as my own. 

I now have a “person” A man that loves what he does and that is to reach out and help himself and those who need his assistance, hence the entry of “Dangerous Dan” A professor of a university who has earned his PHD in psychology and has many honors given to him for the work he has done in the community, motivational speaking, he also has his office open to his students and has office hours to counsel. His life is wrapped up in what he does and he enjoys this immensely.  A man that has an ear to the street of what goes on there and also a verbally lyrical sharp individual who is sensitive and caring.

Now you know, Dangerous Dan.

Pimp Chronicles 101

 

Toy High

 

 

PIMP CHRONICLES 101…LEARN TO LOVE THE QUESTIONS, DON’T SEARCH FOR THE ANSWERS WHICH CANNOT BE GIVEN TO YOU

 I am one of those people (unfortunately) that is extremely inquisitive.  I love questions, to ask them as well as answering them (hoping I have the answer) but there are times a college degree no matter to what level the degree is on can save you or assist you in answering a question or giving yourself or anyone the answers. I have also found it interesting that even people who I have admired that had “street cred” and seemed to know as much as or even more at times than I do don’t have the answers. And this is what has us as people in a quandary because we get stuck in a paradoxical mix we seem to be held and sucked in like a black hole of sorts trying to figure shyt out!!

 

I for one am in a league of therapist, scientist, philosophers’ and teachers that ask questions all the time and really have to WORK in finding an answer.  Like the biologist and scientist that look for cures to man made diseases or illnesses that afflict our world.  Or technology even!  When pushed hard the mind goes and reels overtime to get an answer. We are enlightened and delighted when we can give an answer, find a cure, be so damn intelligent and work it out.  Doesn’t it feel wonderful and self satisfying to tell or give a stranger some info that you knew and they didn’t know?  That you were able to assist? Don’t you feel let down when you ask someone a question, directions or anything and they tell you “I don’t know?” You now feel unfulfilled and have emptiness and your curiosity is wide open because you need to know the answer ASAP.

 

I have been on that end many of times.  And frustration when I get the run around and no one seems to have any answers for me.


RELATIONSHIPS



 

The feeling of meeting and dating someone that you are attracted to in so many ways.  And you have all these questions swarming around in your head.  Some you may ask and some you just keep in your head that you ask yourself, assuming that in time you will get the answer to by the things they do or say.  Sort of like “time will tell” however there are many questions you have a need to KNOW and you want this wonderful creature to answer YOUR questions.  When we are excited about a new mate we want to know how they FEEL what they WANT and what do they plan to do about your future and how they will TREAT you.  Why? Because we don’t want to be hurt first and foremost. Next we don’t want our time to be wasted, and we don’t want our feelings to be hurt.  Which is very understandable.  Who wants to be in a dating relationship and really don’t know what the person feels for us? No one.  However when things are fresh and new, and we as people are not  able to answer any questions about the future.  Can we truly relish in not having questions answered? Can anyone really tell you their true intentions until they truly get to KNOW you? It is nice for someone to say they want a fabulous future with you.  That they see you as the ONE.  Truth be told when you have someone so soon rushing you or you rushing them to give you answers about a future neither of you can predict so soon in the rapport.  The relationship is doomed!! This is not to say about how some people feel a certain type of way and they rush and move in, marry, get engaged, and start a serious relationship quickly. For some people that works for them very well.  And for a lot of us it doesn’t and leaves us paying a price with hurt feelings and a broken heart. I recall my grandmother telling me one day, “Son sometimes it is good to be ignorant of some things than to know all things.  Because the more you know the more responsible you have to be in regards to that situation.” For a long time I didn’t understand it.  And once I did get an understanding for a while I disagreed with her.  Why would anyone choose to be ignorant of what is going on around them? Duh? Well now I truly understand her logic.  Some questions should go unanswered because some things you really don’t need to invest so much time and effort into.  It is not worth it, makes you think and feel a lot harder than is needed. 

 

What happened to the raw element of surprise?  Seems we have gotten away from that.  I believe the further and further we get off into technology, the quicker we have things right at our finger tips. And get all sorts of information on our phone.  GPS, 411, internet, entertainment apps, we can chat IM by phone.  The more and more we want to be able to get a quick answer when we meet someone were interested in.  I understand this wholly been there done that.  Kind of hard to kick back and wait to get answers to questions that have a NEED TO KNOW RIGHT NOW!

 

“Kevin” a beautiful person inside and out, though of course me being a man I am fully heterosexual please believe me.  But I say this in jest because Kevin doesn’t see himself the same way. Women literally throw themselves at him he is so utterly handsome.  He can have his pick of them.  Kevin also is a hopeless romantic who is very emotional, talented as an artist who is rich with money, intelligence and conversation on any topic. All Kevin wants is love and it seems he falls in and out of love all the time.

 

As time goes on and his heart is broken so many times.  Kevin no longer wants to wait on love; Kevin now wants to know if a woman can love him before he even gives his heart to her. Well sort of soon to ask that of a woman when you first meet her.  So now because of this, he now has not been in love in a while which for him suits him just fine. I understand why he started doing this.  Mainly to prevent the ups and downs he had been going through. And if a woman was attracted to him for the right reasons.  So he started rattling questions off quickly, instead of letting it flow and growing into love. 

 

Of course there are some things we need to know when we get involved with someone because we want to protect our own hearts. I am not saying don’t ask any questions, just ask the right ones. I wish that we could see the future.  It would be wonderful wouldn’t it? We would instantaneously know if we were making the right or wrong decision. However in this life all I am saying in regards to wanting to have all of your questions answered concerning the matters of the heart.  Ask the appropriate ones.  And guard your heart, and keep some questions in your heart.  It is inevitable that actions indeed speak louder than words, and a person can show you way better than they can tell you.

 

SEARCHING



It is truly a wonderful thing to search for answers.  What is so wonderful about the internet (Google being my favorite search engine) you can type in a word, sentence or a mere phrase and get an answer. Medical questions, definitions, information on a business, flights, hotels, info on how some things work.  What and what not to buy, news I mean the list goes on and on! The funny thing is you can even search for an opinion and sound advice even wisdom.  But is it the proper wisdom and advice that you seek that you receive? Everyone has an opinion even myself.  The difference with me and a lot of Doctors, I not only listen but I hear and I dig deep in my heart for the empathy concerning each individual I may come across in my life.  Because I am human, I have to understand that it is a whole lot deeper than what I may be getting from the surface.

 

So then I begin this huge search, I am now on a mission.  Not only do I want to assist as much as I can to correct the issue the individual is having. I also want to find out why they FEEL they way they do. What has happened in the past that has them ACTING out in this way. So I begin a search, I search the past, I search the present.  I search information in their body language and eyes.  The eyes are the immediate mirror to their soul. They can’t give me the answers all of the time because they have blocked out so much, because they feel what part does it really play in the right here and right now. They are tired of searching for the answers, so they love asking me the questions. 

 

We have tons of questions daily; you just don’t pay attention to it because it comes so natural.  Natural like walking and talking, like eating. You feed your need, you feed the emergency. Unfortunately there are some things we will always search for, will always have questions and may not get an answer.  So relish the questions, and if you don’t get that immediate fix of an answer.  Relax, relate and have patience.  It comes in time.

 

 

Signing off,

Dangerous Dan

 

 

 

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

02/2011


 

 

 

PIMP CHRONICLES 101

DON’T BLAME. YOU CHANGE!!!

 

 

Woooe and woooest me!! Do you ever get tired of hearing complaints from others that speak on how they are being mistreated or how they have been mistreated?  And these, are some of these people (self included this could be you) always tend to blame others for the unfair predicament they are currently in….I am in a quandary, because when I introduce, have been introduced, or I have counseled said individuals I always wonder why have they stayed in the company of such people??? I do not know if I could do such a thing, to me this is maddening. And I hope that by the time I take you to school and give it to you raw and as real as I always do.  Maybe you can chin check others and maybe yourself. 

 

I am not a huge rap fan, however years ago one of my students was listening to “Notorious Big” I knew who he was, but was not a fan.  There was a song at the time that was playing, “Pray for My Downfall” I think that is the name of it.  I am unclear.  What is important was a bit of the lyrics I heard in that song. Or rap I should say.  And the meaning of it was extremely prolific, here it was a young man stating that there were other people around him that envied him and wanted him to do bad and fail at whatever he did! I shake my head at this because I understood his pain.  I understood totally how he felt.  I remember when I was in high school and how I had “haters” allll around me.  I pushed myself hard because I was a huge competitor.  I was in just about every extra-curricular activity and every sport you could think of.  While others felt I was doing this to be in the popular crew of people they had the game twisted up in mad proportions!  By mistake I was watching a program on TV, and it was a silly movie.  But I learned something from it.  The young man was in school and his father had told him, “You know when you join different organizations at your school it looks real good on your transcripts when you are applying for colleges and trying to get scholarships.” Well I went in to my counselor the next day and had begun to ask questions.  Of course it wasn’t that easy, but it was a true statement.  I may not have been that great in sports, but I loved playing. I did okay in football, baseball and basketball.  I mean I made my coach and team mates happy.  But it wasn’t as much of a passion for me as it was for others.  So I joined Fraternity’s, the newspaper, and various clubs on campus.  So by the time I had graduated I was the President of these clubs, and it looked wonderful on my transcripts.  And it didn’t hurt that I was on the Deans list and honor roll.  But those haters, those naysayers those people who envied and despised the ground I walked upon.  When I found out that some of these people were in my own camp, I was hurt beyond belief.  These were some of the same people who encouraged me to go ahead and do me and not care of what others thought.  These were the people in and around my life that said I would be something successful! How could they?  They were back biting and being crude!

 

Now at the time I really didn’t know whom or who were hating on me but I did know that I was in a pool of people that seemed to blame others why they couldn’t make it and be something wonderful or do something great.  My good and best friend (at the time) “Wade” would always tell me the extreme negative about his home and his parents.  And I bought into everything he told me like a sucker. Wade and I played basketball and football.  And if he didn’t do well it was that the team didn’t give him support, the coach didn’t run the right play, and he needed new shoes.  Something! If he cheated on his girlfriend he found fault in her to give him an excuse as to why he cheated.  Now Wade always blamed someone for any and all of his bad mishaps.  Instead of looking in the mirror, he turned the mirror on others.  He didn’t want to take account for the things he was not doing properly in his life. 

 

Now when my mother called me and had started venting in regards to my dad, I wasn’t in the best of best moods. So as she started in on my father (things that she had complained about before) I listened with a heavy and agitated ear. Now I am not saying that the things my mother was venting about were not valid because they indeed were.  I just always wondered why my mother stayed with my father allll these years and didn’t move on, or do something to change the situation she was in.  I knew my mother loved my father deeply, and honestly leaving, divorcing him was not even close of an option. However I do think that once I got into the field I chose and (especially in school) my mother assumed that I would give “counsel” to my father.  Which I was not going to do because they were not my business, I had learned waaay before I got into this field that you stay out of your families and close friends lives to not cause any bad blood or tension.  And also having people angry with you.

 

I had always thought of my mother as a very sharp and manipulating woman of sorts.  She was always able to get people to do what she wanted and how she wanted it.  And she always seemed to be the “street” home therapist.  She knew what to say and how to say it and when you sat down and had a talk with my mom you actually felt better and worked on the issue you were having in your life. So here I am thinking, always thinking why when I chose what I chose to do why would she need for me to help her fix it or give advice? My mother could have vented to anyone but me. But here she was for the hundredth time speaking on my dad and all the things he had done and was doing.  I had interrupted her in mid-sentence and had begun to tell her about her constant complaining and asked my mother what was the problem?  She knew that my father was not going to change no matter how many times she would complain or nag him.  So I said, “Mom you do something to change.  Change it.” And that was all I said. My mother had taken her own approach.  My mother had begun to go out more, she wasn’t cheating on my dad but she had chosen to get out more.  She went and got facials, pedicures, lunched with her girlfriends and by herself.  She went to plays and movies.  And she would also go on weekend vacation getaways all without my dad.  She instantly stopped complaining and nagging my dad. When my dad really started paying attention, (because he really wasn’t at first-he was happy for the distraction) my mother was no longer on his back about anything.  However to see her get glam’d up leave and go away for any amount of time had struck a cord with my dad.  Now my mother wasn’t mean or crass.  She always told my father where she was going. He would wave her off. My father could not say that she was cheating because she still had tons of affection and still spent time, cooked for him, and made sure he was taken care of.  But the big change that had hit my dad was now my mother had found a life without him and he wanted to be apart of that life.  See my mother had always wanted to complain to my dad about him not taking her out, not wanting to go on trips, not treating her like the woman she wanted to be treated. My mother blamed him for her unhappiness. She blamed him for her misery; she could no longer do that anymore because she was now creating her own happiness.  This reverse psychology had turned things around.

 

When women say would have or could have been something great if I didn’t have children, if I didn’t get married. If my parents were better parents. If I had more money, if I was loved more, if I had a better life.  It seems that we as people and people I have counseled have always found a reason to blame why they are destitute and have nothing.  How being in love and being married and having children were and are the reasons they have nothing and can’t get anything accomplished.  Whatever happens to will? Courage? A deep want that no matter what comes or goes you will keep striving for it.  I recall and can recall so many stories of people who wanted something so bad that they could taste it! No matter what they had to do or had to go they strived for it.  I am not saying that the way people treat you does not effect you.  No by no means would I attest to that! But there are those diamonds in the rough that have had some hard lives of abuse and many tragedies and dig themselves up! So if they can do it…hmmmm…get my point?

 

 

When someone who is a drug addict or an alcoholic.  And they have the audacity to BLAME someone else for their demise and not make any changes in their lives and correct the situation.  Who grows up and says “I want to be an alkie or drug addict or abused?” No one!  Now of course I am not speaking of someone who has lost a home or a job and even family because of economical reasons.  Very few people walk away from their home and say “Homeless is what I want to be” Nooo of course not!  I am not speaking of unforeseen things that occur and can throw a monkey wrench and have us in a hole or quandary.  I firmly believe that people can change their situations and they don’t have to blame other people for their financial, emotional, mental or physical demise.  If there is a situation that is taking you through it, you do not let anyone or any situation take you through it and bring you down to where you feel as if you don’t have anything to give back to yourself.  Misery loves company and we all have heard that many and many times in our lives.  So once you are now accustomed to being miserable than you began to keep misery company.  Dig it?  Get it? So now you are in a funk and now blaming the situation or person that is in or around your life for the uncomfortable you feel.  Who is in control?  Who can change it? Who can make a difference?  YOU!! Y-O-U! No one should have so much power over you where it leads you to become someone not even you can recognize.

 

What I have learned in the genre of psychology is so many and brilliant things.  And what I love about it is that people are so easy to read and figure out and it is not hard at all to know what you’re getting yourself into with others.  While some feel they can change a person from good to bad and form this new person and then get stuck in a whirlwind.  You cannot blame that person or the situation for the mental or emotional trauma you walk into or a part of.  How can you?  Again these are choices that YOU make on your own.

 

It is comforting, easy and releases mental and emotional tension off of our shoulders when we are able to blame people for our demise. Some people may feel they are giving you the reason, while other’s feel it is an excuse to why you cannot step up to the plate and take responsibility for what you do?  The actions that you take in this lifetime.  Why do you need a support system based on what is considered laziness?  Because we don’t have self-esteem, strength, courage and self respect we blame others.  I mean come on that is what it boils down to.

 

If one is being hired on a job that states they do not offer any incentives, 401, or even healthcare.  Do you accept the job knowing that they do not offer these things?  Well for some (especially in this economy) will take the job.  However will later complain and complain that they offer nothing and you’re unhappy.  You knew this coming in.  So what do you do? Blame the job or yourself?  Or do you change it and look for another job?  The saying goes, “It is easier to get a job when you have one” And it is true!

 

If you get involve with an individual whom is lazy and disenfranchised, do you continue the relationship and then get angry or feel defeated that are “not” willing to change because you do not like the way they are? Heeelll naaw you are fooling yourself!!! I laugh at this, something that seems so minimal and not a challenge or poses many problems becomes a mo-hill for us in the end!  So why blame the job?  Why blame the lazy person?  Blame yourself and now do what it takes to change the situation. 

 

When we are unhappy with life, our lives we have to have courage to change the things in our lives that stress us or cause us huge concerns.  You must do this to give yourself, your own self courage and encouragement to move on and make things better.  Yes you can!! If you place your heart and mind into it!

 

I lived in an apartment that was horrible, but what my girlfriend had considered cute and quaint.  I knew the landlord was a deadbeat and would not be there if I needed him.  So I said to myself “Well if something goes wrong, I have skills to where I can fix it.” My girlfriend agreed.  I now got tired of all the breaking down, my schedule was tight, I was working a dead in job until I finished up summer school and fall semester started. I had already intended to look for another job when fall semester started so I made no complaints of the gig. But the apartment was putting a strain on me heavily.  Because now my landlord was ignoring me at all cost.  Of course I had done a bit of investigation on my landlord and had made a couple of threats so that he would fix all of the foul things in my apartment and then also give me my deposit back and let me out of my lease.  I changed it I blamed myself and promised myself I would not do that again at any cost!

 

So my wisdom to you, not advice is to change it and not blame!!!

 

 

Signing out,

Dangerous Dan

 

 

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

01/2011

 

 

PIMP CHRONICLES 101….. THE TRUTH ABOUT FEELINGS…WHY ARE WE JUDGED ABOUT WHAT WEEEE FEEEEL????

 

 

 

I have had sooo many people come into my office confused about the way “they feel” And wanting to know if they are wrong about how they feel. How can someone accuse you of being wrong in how you feel about a person, place or thing?  I am human and I must admit that I have raised my nose up at others views and opinions on how they feel.  And I had to take a back step and realize I was very wrong.  This is what makes us all so different and truly unique just like our DNA.  Even though there may be identical twins or triplets.  They may dress a like and enjoy some of the same things. But they are still unique with their own persona. 

 

When I realized that people may look at me differently and view what I say, how I dress, where I go and whom I choose to spend my time with.  They also may be very opinionated.  However I choose to be around these people, places and things because I enjoy how they make me feel.  I remember my grandfather asking me one day, “Son why don’t you like to go over to your other grandparents home and spend time with them.”  I responded by saying.” I don’t like it over there, and I don’t feel welcomed there.”  My grandfather replied back to me by saying.  “Aww son you shouldn’t feel that way.”  Maybe at the time my grandfather didn’t really realize the ramifications of the word feel.  Let me give you the dictionary and thesaurus’ definition of feel.  Feel; to perceive a state of mind or a condition of body: to feel; happy to feel well. 7. To have a particular sensation or impression. 27. Feel no pain. Now that was the verb and nouns of feel there are a lot of definitions for this word.  Now let me investigate the word through the thesaurus.  Ambience, atmosphere, aura, impression, mood, quality, semblance, sense, surface.  Hmmm, I see that the thesaurus breaks it down much clearer and deeper of how one feels. 

Now if my grandfather had really knew the definition of this word given by the thesaurus I do not think he would have responded in such away.  Hell I don’t think he was really thinking for that matter.  (I do love my grandfather God rest his soul very much) However, we cannot tell anyone that they shouldn’t feel a certain way.  To me it is a slap in their face!  When you go to the hospital and you see someone lying in that bed, can you honestly say you know how they feel?  Maybe if you have gone through the same thing.  But at that given point and time you can only have empathy or sympathy for them, and that is all.  Some people judge others harshly when they cannot move on from a past relationship, death, or someone mistreating them.  Some of us are stronger than others, while some of us cannot pick up the pieces as fast and move forward.  You cannot tell someone how they should feel, and how they should move on.  Now in some of these cases I have met and counseled men and women who have had parents and spouses that have passed away more than five or ten years ago and still they grieve.  Some of course have moved on and married and have dated.  But they still feel the lost.  While others never re-marry or can get over the death or a divorce.  Again this is how they feel.  And who is anyone to speak on how another person feels and wants them to justify their feelings?

 

Feelings justify us, they give us that energy of being alive rather that feeling is good or bad, it is still a feeling.  And a feeling can be a noun or a verb.  One of the words in our English literature that can be a noun and a verb depending on how you use it. You feeling pain gives you that jolt! It truly does, I know we do not like being sick or even in a hospital, laid up in a bed. But a lot of us would rather be sick than not living. (Now of course I am not speaking of critical health issues or diseases)   I am sure that once you get over that feeling of being sick and you begin to feel better you can testify on how bad you felt, and how much better you feel now.  Back to your usual self.

 

As I stated earlier in regards to many of us being simple minded people and telling someone that they should not feel the way they do.  When we say things like this to people it places them in a very precarious situation.  For one, you leave and give them the feeling that what they feel is not justified.  If a wife tells a husband “You make me feel as if I do not mean anything to you when you are always gone.”  And a husband responds by saying, “Why would you feel that way?  I love you.  Do I not tell you that I love you?”  And so now he leaves his wife with a head and heart full of confusion all because she was honest in what she was feeling.  Now she comes in and sits with me and asks me am I wrong for feeling that way?  How can I justify or answer her?  Well I cannot tell her she is wrong for feeling a certain type of way.  I would be wrong!!

 

When a child grows up in a household where his parents gave him/her everything their heart desired but love.  And the child now an adult comes and says to me, “My parents gave me the best of everything.  I had a great education, car, money, trips and clothes.  But I never felt they listened to me or loved me.” So now when I get the parents in my office to speak with them along with their adult child whom is having issues with loving others and being loved.  The parents respond by saying, “How could you feel that way?  We gave you everything your heart desired.” However the child said you never gave me love, and I didn’t feel loved. I shake my head at this over and over and over. Because you cannot no matter what you say, what you give, or how you present it make someone feel the way you want them to feel.  Don’t get me wrong, people can share the same feelings.  Mainly feelings of love for each other disdain for the same things they may have in common.  There could be children who didn’t care for the way they were raised or treated.  Friends who mistreated each other, they could all feel the same way. But each of us feels emotional pain differently.  We feel love and hate differently.  Some feelings of others we may never understand or even want to understand.  And these are the feelings that they may have that may push them to do evil.  That is the bad thing about our feelings.  So please do not get it twisted that me, Dangerous Dan okay’s the feelings of hate and violence.  I don’t! Bigotry and prejudice and any injustice to the human race I do not tolerate.  Today is about ones personal feeling of the inner soul of being and not being loved and being accused of how they feel in situations.  Nothing that pushes some to commit a heinous crime. 

 

It softens me up on the inside when a person comes and speaks to me and says that they are lost in a web mass of pitiful confusion because someone is putting them in a precarious situation because they feel hurt or saddened and that person now does not know now what to feel because they have a person or people telling them that what they feel is wrong!!  And this is truly unfair.

 

I come to you truly understanding how you feel, and expressing this one true feeling with you today. Feel. Feeeeel and enjoy rather it is sad, disenfranchised, topsy turvy, grief, or deep emotional pain from your past or present and you need to cry, yell or talk.  No one can be you, do you, feel you, or tell you how you should feel.  Now right now at this present moment, I am feeling daaaamn good about who I am and what it is I do.  And I want you to feel you. 

 

Signing off,

Dangerous Dan

 

 

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

12/2010

 

 

 

 

 

PIMP CHRONICLES 101…..DO YOU TALK ABOUT YOURSELF AS MUCH AS YOU TALK ABOUT OTHER’S? (SMH)

 

 

 

I am more than aware that we are allll guilty of judging and talking about people behind their backs.  We do it when we are out shopping, hanging out with family and friends and when we are at a place that we actually shouldn’t be talking about anyone.  Church.  Now the job seems to be the main headliner where we get into some deep back-stabbing and relishing in what the next person will tell and bring to the table in the next episode of “the young and too old to be judging other people because I have a lot of issues and personal problems” (lol)

 

I have horned in on many gossip sessions from students, colleagues and co-workers.  There is not one place that I have not gone and have not spoken at a seminar or attended meetings that someone has not stepped and gave me “their” opinion of someone else and I have stepped to the plate and have spoken very well of my dislikes and displeasures of how people look, speak, dress, and their attitude.  Truth is I do this for a living!! I teach the psychology and dig deep into the mental and emotional perplexities of the human psyche.  However does that give me the right to judge or cast judgment on others at all times when it is not work related? Should I gawk at a woman who is over weight and not dressed appropriately in “my opinion?” Should I throw stones at the man that does not know how to speak or places himself in a precarious situation? Yet I do, I tend to relish and feel extremely superior when I am able to cut someone down with my words.  It makes me feel as if I am a god of sorts!  That I am able to look down on the mere mortals of this world.  This sounds foolish, but yet it is so true!  When we can take the onus off of ourselves and place someone else in the heat or the fire, we feel better about whom we are.  We shine, and when we are able to get others to agree that what we have just said is “true” and they can co-sign, well this just makes us feel doubly better!  How liberating and wonderful to know that you have the stamp by your family, peers, co-workers or even a stranger that what you have said has made a difference!

 

What I am writing or saying to you is not going to stop you from speaking negative about anyone.  I am just here to reach and teach and show you (me) how we re-act and act at times.  Honestly, where would the world be if we didn’t talk about anyone?  Would it not be boring?  How many people run to the television to watch the latest gossip celebrity shows like Entertainment Tonight, E!, VH1, MTV, BET all these networks and so many more have gossip correspondence of who is doing what and who is doing who.  Twitter, Face book, My Space, Hula. All these places where you can link up and read all sorts of good and bad feelings, and let us not forget about the news! And even your homepage when you get online has juicy tidbits of the “worse” and “best” dressed.  You feel close when you can read a persons views and gossip from the internet and latest magazine.  And afterward give your opinion or discuss it with someone else.  The insane world we live in.  Our lives evolve around the lives of others and what they say, wear, and how they act. But truth is, is any of this important?  Do we really need to know someone else’s business?  Who is pregnant, who just broke up, and why.  Should we be throwing dirt?

 

A very dear associate of mine had been in a relationship for about six years.  And because he had gotten bored with the relationship he was in.  He of course made the decision to cheat on his live in girlfriend.  Knowing that he was not happy with a lot of things she had and was doing and not doing.  First he spoke about how unkempt she was around the house.  And how she had begun to get lax with her household duties, and the sex they had was no longer a turn on but he felt it was a job and that he was no longer attracted to her.  He wanted her out of the house, and he wanted nothing more to do with her.  He spoke of all her dirty laundry and her families.  We all gathered to listen and give “our” opinions and what was right and wrong about the situation.  He needed to leave her, and even though he was wrong that he was cheating.  We all definitely understood why he was doing what he was doing and really felt sorry for him! (smh) Because the last thing a man doesn’t want for another man is to be mistreated by his woman and taken advantage of.

 

There was a breakfast/meeting that was being held at the Ramada Inn.  There was maybe about five hundred or so people attending this meeting.  A lot of us had noticed a very beautiful and strikingly sexy lady that was coiffed standing by the double doors looking around the inside of the banquet hall.  She had stood there for maybe about fifteen minutes and had left.  When she had come back maybe about twenty minutes later she had looked over at the table I and my colleagues were sitting at, and immediately she came walking briskly to our table.  I had begun to straighten myself up thinking that maybe she was coming to speak to me.  Or maybe I could speak with her briefly.  She was that beautiful! However the closer she had gotten to the table where we all were sitting she had a mad scowl upon her face so I knew this was not going to be a social call for me.  Whomever she was angry with, (hoping it was not me) there was going to be some hell to pay. There were two other gentlemen at the table that had noticed her and had spoken up in asking, “Damn! Who is that?” Well everyone had turned around and looked her way.  And it was my colleague that had said, “Oh shyt” We all looked at each other with an inquisitive look on our faces.

“I want you to be sure Donald (names have been changed) to get all of your shyt out of my house now or else it will be thrown in the street as soon as I get back home.  Oh and by the way, I am sure you already have experienced the burning.  And thank you for the gift you left me with you trifling son of a bytch!” She pulled back and slapped him very hard!! We all cringed!  And she walked away. All of our mouths had dropped open, was this the same lady that he had told us about?  The one who was unkempt and he was no longer attracted to? From the looks of it she was faaaar from unattractive and unkempt.  What man wouldn’t want that? And what about all the bad things he had said about her and her family? I could not say they were or were not untrue.  But he had made us to believe that she was run down and plain ole raggedy! And I was beginning to think that what he had said about her was lies.  He just wanted some justification from some of his peers to give him the hi-five or “understand” why he was doing what he was doing.  All the bragging he was doing how he was paying the bills, she didn’t have to do anything, how she just laid around the house looking like “shyt” all day.  Hell, it was 9:30 in the morning and she was looking flawless! I am sure she did not get all made up and dressed up to come here and tell him pack your things and leave “my house” Her house???

 

Donald was way past embarrassed.  Not only did we all hear at the table he was sitting at, but because the tables were all close to each other. There was what seem to me be a legion of other co-workers and colleagues that had heard her when she was yelling. Because now a lot of people were whispering and looking his way.  And soon the whole ballroom or banquet room knew what had happened.  The thing that we didn’t know was what Donald had given her, what type of STD.  We all knew it was that because she said he had to know he was burning at one point and time.  And she had to have found out earlier that morning.  I’m just guessing at that.

 

I mean I can go so many places with this incident that had happened.  But I will stick to my topic at hand.  Talking bad about someone, throwing dirt and sand, mud and all of those condiments showed their true light! While Donald was judging what seemed to me to be a good woman, he was not looking at himself and judging himself.  He was the dirty one, he was the lazy one, he was the one he accused her of being.

 

I mean when you get out for the day, do you not think that someone is talking about you like you are talking about them?  Come on, while you are talking about how bad their hair looks and how bad they smell.  Trust someone is saying the same thing about you!! I recall a comedian saying in his stand up that he had gone to Africa.  And he was standing next to a gentlemen who was not smelling fresh at all! Well by “our” standards it is common to wear deodorant.  And apparently this man had none on; not a drop! So while the comedian had his nose scrunched up, the African gentlemen had his nose scrunched up as well.  And later the comedian found out that to the African gentlemen thought he smelled just as bad.  And it was the cologne that the comic was wearing that he felt smelled excruciatingly bad!

 

 It is so easy to cast the first stone, it is so easy to let the words of hate, spite, envy, and ridicule come out of your mouth.  Are you a great dad? Mother? Sister? Friend? Brother? Co-worker or colleague? Noooo!! You are not royal and fuk’n perfect get over it! You are not!! And maybe I should have put a capitol T on the end of that! Look at you; what do you need to do to get your act together?  My mother always told me, “You have six months in the year to get yourself together.  And the next six months to keep it together.” Will I stop talking about people?  I doubt it seriously.  But the next time I open my mouth I will think before I speak.  Some things I am an advocate for and will cast judgment.  But not before I clean up my own home. 

 

I was one that spoke on how other people dressed, and I was talked about so badly by many.  One day one of my students came up to me and said, “Dr. Dan I think you are fabulous.  But you need to work on your wardrobe a bit.  Everyone talks about you, I just decided to step to you and let you know.  These other people don’t have the courage to do so. I know you have the money to work on your wardrobe.  When you are ready, let me know and we can go shopping together.” And she was right; this was one of my students six years back.  And we are now very close and hang out here and there.  My point is, I was speaking on other professors, and here I was looking like Shaggy the dog. 

 

Check yourself because you already know that you are wrecking yourself when you open your mouth and speak illicit and make judgment calls on how others live, work and play.  It may be true what you say.  The persons may need help.  They may need to tighten up some things in their lives.  The truth is the truth.  But just make sure your slate is clean and kempt.  And if a person needs help and is in danger or doing harm to others or themselves.  What is wrong with you opening your mouth and letting them know?

 

And again, if and when you talk about others do you talk about all of your nasty ways and flaws as much as you do others?  Do you place yourself in the same spotlight?  Can you seek out the not so attractive attributes in yourself?  Because if you do that, if I do that. Then maybe we won’t have so much to say about anyone else…..just a thought…

 

Signing off,

11/2010


Dangerous Dan

 

 

PIMP CHRONICLES 101….WHY DO WE CONTINUE TO DO THE SAME DUMB BULLSHYT OVER AND OVER??..KNOWING THAT IT DOES NOT LEAD US DOWN THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD???

 

It behooves me that we as people keep going back and doing the same thing, repeating the same mistakes over and over.  And then we ask ourselves, “Why do I keep going through the same thing all the time?” Weeelll if you would stop taking the same path, dealing with the same people (who seem to be different but are not) and think somewhere in their heads that no matter what “my way” works. Well it doesn’t! That is what we call evolution! Things change, and as a famed artist whose music I love to listen to and enjoy immensely (Seal) says” fast change is coming and slow change is moving out!” And you can’t stop that dear loved ones.  So wake the fuk up!

This goes to the basics, what I call the basics.  Wonder why a woman keeps getting into toxic relationship after toxic relationship?  Why an addict keeps stopping and going back to the substance that hurts them?  The environment they continue to dwell in and the people they keep getting involved with.  The woman who keeps getting abused, well her low-esteem shines through.  It is just like a pimp who knows the victims he can approach and put out on a corner and have them sale their bodies for money to bring to him.  We wear what we are on a daily.

Do we not feel that we need to do some self checking?  Do we not think that we need to change the way we think?  Yes we do!  We can’t always stay the same, I am not saying do not remain true to yourself, but when others can sense a weakness within side of you they will take advantage. So this leads me to say that you will continue to go through the same bullshyt over and over if we do not check ourselves all the time.

Can you get mad at anyone that uses you?  Nope not at all, only because you keep giving your monies away.  Is this because you are a softie? Because you are trying to buy friendship?  Or because you need to show others that you have the monies to give?  So when you come along with the word “sucker” stamped on your forehead then people knows they can call you when they want something from you.  So why get angry and ask “why do people continue to use me?”  Because you let it happens all the time!  You must learn when and when not to give your hard earned money to people or running around ragged and doing whatever is asked of you to gain recognition.  So stop, tell yourself it is not worth it.  Will the abused woman keep getting herself in the same abusive relationships?  Sure she will, she needs to learn and dig down deep inside to the word “No” and “worth” Of course this situation may render her to get counseling.  She has to know that she is worthy to be loved, that she is deserving to be loved and cared for in the way her true inner heart desires.  That she is not weak and love is not proved by an insecure man who feels the need to hit her to make her feel loved and wanted.  And for my women that are staying with these men because of the package they are packing between their legs, please note that what a man has swinging below the waist does not make him a real man.  Just because you got it good between some sheets does not mean he is worthy of you and the love you have.

Your money, you wonder why you stay broke.  Why?  Because you do not spend it wisely and wonder why you are always broke and destitute.  I am not speaking of those who have low paying jobs and are barely making ends meet.  And even some of those people spend their money the wrong way. I have heard a saying “It ain’t tricking if you have it” I guess that holds some truth.  But if you come back later and complain about the money you have spent on friends, girlfriends/boyfriends or family.  Then it is tricking!  Hello!! Wake the hell up! It is not tricking if you do not utter a word of what you spent, do not think about it later and have no regrets.  That is tricking and you have it and it is no big deal.  When you spend your money and your bills are not paid and you can’t get to work or eat.  What the hell is that?  The bills came in before you got your monies, so why did you spend the money partying?  Hanging out with a crew of people that you know you can’t hang with because they “have it like that” and you don’t?! Keeping up with the Joneses has you broke and looking stupid and silly because now you are bumming and begging to be able to pay your lights, get to work and eat. And you keep doing this over and over…why? 

My uncle, a beautiful man who has money to burn it seems is a sixty-two year old who by the way looks great for his age.  I will say he looks as if he is in his late forties.  He owns horses, steer, cows, has four hundred acres of land.  And yet he messes around with young girls, he cannot only be their dad, but their grandfather!  Guess what?  He will not date anyone that is older than twenty-three!  Well I had visited him, and he always brings this up of being with these young women.  He had recently had an issue of a young girl who had robbed him of some checks.  She stole two hundred dollars!  Hmmm…now keep in mind the small town he lives in he has ran through all the young girls there.  He is the type of trick that buys cars, and makes the payments.  Which by the way he had bought a car and was paying the car note for her.  She took the car back and got another car.  An Escalade, she doubled the car note.  And it was the car lot that had called and told him that he was behind on his car notes.  He of course was confused, when they told him the price of his car note he was upset.  It was $235 and it went up to $550!  Of course the young girl never told him she traded the car in for the Escalade. So my uncle got got!

Now when he told me that he had gotten robbed from this young girl.  It sounded oh so familiar my sibling had told me that this was not the first time he has gotten robbed by a young girl.  One girl that I knew about he had sent to jail by of course pressing charges.  My sibling had told me that he had been robbed by wallet many of times.  Dimmit!  These girls were getting greedier and greedier, why?  Because they saw the potential in him that he was just as he had presented himself, “A sucker”  He by the way has to pay rent, bills, car notes, clothes and other major expenses.  There is the one girl that he recently got robbed of the “bogus” checks she was writing.  She had told my sibling that every time she sees him (has sex) he has to pay her $500! 

My uncle had given her a time line to give the money back.  She was caught by going to his bank and cashing the check.  The teller who knew him very well knew the signature was not his and notified him about the check.  He then told the young girl she had to pay it back in two weeks or he was pressing charges.  When I spoke to my uncle about this, I told him that you seem to always go for the young “rats” (low-class young girls that don’t have anything) you will continue to get got.  I also told him that you are no longer a treat, you are indeed a trick! And it does not have to be Halloween!  And you will always have to pay to lay.  And these young girls will have a main man on the side.  Someone who does the same things they enjoy.  The same music, dressing and going out.  My uncle is not into any of the things that a young girl is interested in! I also told my uncle that he should date a more mature woman, she could be younger.  At least in her forties, that would make her twenty plus years younger than him.  He said noooo those women want to be married, they want a commitment. I nod my head at this, oh well then you have to continue to go through what you are going through. 

My uncle has been through this maze many of times.  And he is fine with it.  But yet has complaints when these young girls take him through it by using him or stealing from him.  He says “all they have to do is ask” okay, he is right there.  But you keep going for the same girl (literally) so therefore….you continue to do the same …well you know what I am going to say.

Look when I preach, I preach to the choir.  And that is myself.  It takes change to provoke a change within ourselves.  And there is nothing wrong with change, change can benefit us in so many ways to improve and get better, stronger, learn, share, grow!!! Change is wonderful if utilized in the correct way.  But you cannot grow or change if you stifle your being by getting doing the same things over and over and then asking yourself why?  You are the problem!  And so many of us do not see “us” as the problem.  You gotta take those rose colored glasses off; you gotta remove the skim from your eyes.  You must look deep inside of yourself and ask yourself what is wrong with me?  You might uncover some issues that you have and didn’t know that you had.  This is where you can allow some healing to come into play and see why and how you got to where you are in your life.  It may hurt for awhile, but you can heal and learn from the process. Many women who face relationships that are abusive are because they grew up in that type of environment.  It becomes a learned behavior. Others who don’t suffer from that type of environment suffer from low self esteem, or get involved with a man that is giving them something (money, sex) that they never received before.

A person who tries to keep up with the Joneses needs acceptance. They have missed out on a lot of love and attention growing up.  And for some it is also a low form of self-esteem. Such as the abused woman who suffers low self-esteem in her life.  The need for acceptance. And trust me here; I am just scratching the mere surface of what the issues and problems could be.

In the case of a man or woman being a pay master to those who use them for money could be many many things!  For an older woman or man to pay a younger person to be in their company is because they want their youth back.  Or they have been hurt by love too many times because they are not choosing the right person for them.  Vanity is a major bytch here, and we need to look at ourselves in the mirror and find out what and where the behavior is coming from. 

You want to stay in an abusive relationship?  You want to stay broke? You want to continue to get robbed?  You want to continue to take care of others? You want to know why you keep incurring the same problems with people? Then stay on this path… or grow up and endure the change.  Grow up and fix it and change this behavior. Or you will continue to the same dumb bullshyt over and over.  And your yellow brick road will become dim and raggedy.  The only way we change is to change from within.  Find out what is eating at us, and grow some cahoonies, be fierce and strong and see the real beauty that lies within side of us.  Know that we are worthy of so much more than what we get from others. 

Well I’m out of here…..

Signing off,

Dangerous Dan

 

Just Toy

Written Expressions

10/2010

 

PIMP CHRONICLES 101…..WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? ADULTS LOVING YOUNG BOYS AND GIRLS!!!

 

 

As always it seems as if every time I sit at my desk in my office I have more and more to relate to you, more to fuss about, more to digest, and then there is the more of what I disagree with. The human psyche is a wonderful and yet complicated piece of artwork. It has many culdasacks, dead ends and mazes.  And this again is why I got into this field. 

Today I had the un-pleasure of meeting and holding a therapy session for a man whom felt that he was having a severe problem in his “love life” that was causing him a great distress.  Well love can be a complicating thing at times, an emotion that can spiral an individual to feel out of “control” However this man that sat before me, (not everybody likes to lie down on a couch or lounge) Spoke and told me that he was caught up in a love triangle.  He was and has been married for five years.  He said that he had dated his wife for two years before he had decided to ask her hand in marriage.  “Bob” told me that his wife was everything to him, that he loved her with his whole being.  That she was a talented artist, business savvy woman, a great and beautiful personality, and had the body of a goddess.  That she completely satisfied him sexually and that he could literally count on one hand the arguments they had on one hand.  As Bob had related all the wonderful things to me about his wife.  I was now beginning to wonder why was this man cheating on his wife if he had everything he wanted in her. However I already knew that when people cheat, they don’t always cheat for what “society” thinks are reasons to cheat on their spouse/significant other.  Society offers from a so-called research that men/women cheat when they are unhappy, things have changed in the relationship, and they are not having intercourse as much as they want.  Or the type of intercourse they want. Maybe the spouse stop doing all the things they were doing before, or has put on weight and they no longer finds them attractive.  Well, let me dispel those beliefs, those false reasons and excuses.  Yes it is true that some people do cheat for those reasons.  But what about the people who do not cheat for those reasons?  Some are just not marrying material to begin with; they will and can’t settle down with just one person.  They now have centers for men/women who are addicted to sex.  I scoff at that, because anyone who is anyone that enjoys great sex and sex a lot can find the one person they enjoy having it with, and live out all their sexual fantasies with that one person who is just as raw and wild as they are.  This is where some may disagree with me on.  And trust I have had some doctors debate this cause with me more than a few times.  But that is a sore subject, and I will move on quickly from that topic. (is this thing on?-my mic) ( I heard that on a very endearing poem of a close friend of mine)

I have met plenty of men and women that have found what they really want and need in one person.  And for those who “know” that they are still having extra-marital affairs.  Or in relationships that they are committing themselves exclusively to and are seeing someone else sexually.  I call them simply selfish! Selfish because they do not want you to have anyone else, they want you all to themselves and prefer to still have sex with others. 

So as Bob was speaking to me, I was deciphering his dialogue in my head, answering my questions that I had of this man inside of my brain moving ninety million miles per minute.  Because Bob never told me anything negative about his wife.  But it was what came out of his mouth next that made me have to hold my emotions back.  He was a client, a patient, and I had to respect that, even though I personally didn’t want to do that.

Bob was dating, seeing, and having sex with a fifteen year old!  Yes you read that right! A fifteen year old, and this fifteen year old was the niece of his wife’s! So I started instantly doing the math in my head, he had been married for five years and dated his wife for two, this young girl was nine or eight when they had met.  (Bob and his wife) Bob had begun to tell me that he was attracted to her when she was about twelve years old.  He told me that she was highly developed at this age.  And it was at this age that he would give her “special attention” Meaning that out of all the other children she got the most from him.  Bob took her shopping, out to eat, took her and her friends to the movies, cheer leading practice, and even hosted some sleep over’s with her friends.  I will call her “Kim.  Kim knew that she was her Uncle’s favorite, and so she used that to her benefit.  Bob would come and get her whenever she called him, if her parents didn’t give her what she wanted then Bob would fly to the rescue buying and giving her what she wanted. Drying her tears when her feelings were hurt. Everyone knew and had no issue with Bob, and didn’t see the problem.  The problem that a man was giving all this attention to this very young girl.  Why were their eyes closed?  I cannot understand that at all.  How did they not see that this man was spending too much time with this little girl who had the body of a grown woman?  Did the mother, father, Aunt’s, Uncles’, grandparents and his wife not see any of this?  These two spent tooooo much time together.  Bob told me that he found himself waiting to get a call from his nice so that he could see her.  I have to take a sidebar here; I am disgusted to no limits right now! I mean this is some truly sick shyt, and if I could get all of these damn pedophiles and sick mutha…. (Taking a deep breath) okay…. I am back; I am really trying to keep it together.  I must apologize to you in my over zealousness in regards to this issue.  So let me get back to this case.

The next thing that Bob told me made the hairs on my neck stand up, and made me literally want to jump up and strangle him.  When Kim had started her cycle, she told Bob, and he was the one to explain how it worked, told her all about sex, told her how she could get pregnant.  And what products to use and how to keep herself clean during this time of the month.  I know you all are aghast as I am revealing this to you. Bob had even told Kim that it was time for her to get on the pill, and took her to a doctor to get a physical and lied and said that he was her father.  Of course he did this for his benefit!

Bob said her getting her cycle actually turned him on! And it was at that moment that he really wanted her.  But in the three years he and Kim were what he refers to as “dating” he fell more and more in love with her.  They had begun to do “adult” things.  He said he made sure that she was educated in so much. Art, history, he bought her all types of books.  Took her to museums, art gallery openings.  Taught her about a lot about music and there were a lot of times his wife was with them both.  Kim had even gone on vacations with he and his wife.   To me this was just one big set up that no one saw coming. 

As Kim got older, and her curves became curvier, she became sexier and more attractive.  You see, Bob had groomed Kim to the woman he wanted and needed.  Much like his wife, he had groomed a young version of his wife.  And at this same time Bob stated to me that he was also falling more and more in love with his wife.  She was learning more, and she was teaching him some new things.  However in Bob’s warped mind of thinking, if he had showed and taught Kim all of these things, he could have an adult conversation with her.  Now of course Kim’s family was impressed with all of the new knowledge that Kim had gotten from her Uncle Bob. They were even “grateful” for his input.  Glad she surpassed all the children her age that she made excellent grades.  And now more than ever, happy that Uncle Bob had rewarded her for getting straight A’s in school.  But this was only for Bob, Bob getting closer and closer to the kill.  Able to have the chance to have sex, or shall I say as he had put it.  “Make love to Kim” As he spoke of their first time together, he had made bile from my stomach come up and settle in the back of my throat.  Trying not to exit out of my mouth.  So I sat there with the nasty bitter taste in my mouth. 

When Kim was close to fourteen, she had now begun to innocently flirt with Bob.  She now knew he looked at her as a woman.  Oh Kim bled him for designer bags, and was the only young girl in school walking around with hundred dollar bills in her wallet.  And a designer wallet no less. She winked, blew kisses, and touched him in ways that had made his nature rise.  However I am sure that little Kim had no real idea of what she was truly doing.  But also in her head she felt as if she was grown, a grown woman no doubt.

Kim had called her Uncle when she had gotten into an argument with her boyfriend at school.  Bob knew that she had one, but he also knew that Kim was still a virgin.  Why?  Because Kim told him everything. Bob picked her up, and took her somewhere private where they could talk.  This was a hotel; they first had dinner at the restaurant.  However, Bob had already reserved the penthouse suite for what he knew would be a night to remember.  Now let’s go back a bit, when I told you that he taught her about sex, Bob taught her about sex.  From books, magazines, to also giving her porn to watch by herself so she could learn and would know what to do with a man.  Bob told me that he knew if he had watched the adult films with her he would want to “make love” to her.  But he wanted to make sure that she was comfortable with what she saw, and also wanted to make sure she would be aroused at what she saw.  And Kim was!

A crying Kim, a penthouse suite is where she lost and left her virginity.  And it was then now a secret.  Kim had exposed herself and told her Uncle she had been in love with in ever since she was thirteen.  And this of course was pleasing to hear, Bob was more than ecstatic over this news!  He was in love with her for years! So the affair had begun! Kim was on the pill, and Bob could have sex with her and she could not get pregnant.  Kim and his wife were the only two “women” he was intimate with.  On the inside of me was a rage of fire!! Mad fire!! Do you understand?  Because I instantly think of all of my siblings, friends, siblings, and it brings to mind all the headline news with the teacher’s that were having affairs with young boys, the priest that were sleeping with the young boys, and all of the young girls and boys that were molested by people they “trusted” Which is why I do donate monies to such causes for counseling to build back their self esteem.  Do you remember the young girl (which this was worldwide news) that was abducted by her neighbor?  She was molested by him since she was seven years old.  And then when she was in junior high he had finally had sex with her, after kidnapping her he took her to a hotel and then had begun to beat her and prostitute her out so that he could pay for the room.  She of course was found, now an adult, a co-worker had asked me have I ever seen the show that comes on A&E called, “I survived”. Do to the fact that I do not watch TV that much; I pulled it up on the internet.  And in watching the shows back to back, I seen the little girl who now was a full grown woman.  She lacks and suffers from her ordeal still.  She has gone on to attain her degree in psychology and is married with two children of her own.  But she shows no emotion.  I also remember her on a talk show some years back describing her ordeal. 

I wanted to call the police on Bob, but because of the patient confidentiality oath that I have taken.  I have to stick to my guns, but I had a plan for Bob.  It was in the mix.  Trust.

It was Bob and Kim that were now having a love affair and Bob saw nothing wrong with his actions, and he wanted me to help him make the decision of what he should do.  But felt nothing wrong with having sex with a fifteen year old and he was thirty-nine years old.  He was feeling bad because he was in love with two people and wanted both of them.  And wanted to know what would be best, leaving his wife to be with Kim.  Or leaving Kim which he didn’t want to do, and being with his wife.

 

In my first semester of college in taking child psychology and psychology I. I learned a lot about Sigmund Freud.  Who was a masterful minded genius, but, and yes there is a but.  Had a whole lot of the issues he spoke of.  How ingenious to know that you are sick and can now explain your sickness and others.  First of all Freud had an Oedipus complex, meaning he was in love with his mom.  And was extremely jealous of his father.  Also he enjoyed wearing womens under garments.  The list goes on with the issues that this man had.  I am not saying that I do not have any issues or problems.  However, I do not have deep psychological issues that I feel would render what I do! You cannot be in a position of power and molest rape or accost the people that trust you! However, it is those who are in power that take advantage of their power.  I am saddened today that so many of our leaders from Presidents to Ministers take advantage of their power.  You cannot be a priest, pastor, minister over a flock and have a desire to be with young boys and girls.  This is not acceptable! You know, you know when you are feeling a certain kind of way and what is right from wrong.  You teach and speak on this, yet you would do it anyway?  You don’t see the interest of conflict? 

I do love what Freud has discovered, but being a cocaine addict, and having a sleuth of mad issues.  I do not feel that he should have spoken to anyone.  However I am glad on the other hand for his discoveries, which will continued to be used in text books to the end of time.  I can tell you about a lot of Freud and other’s warped sick minds! And it is funny; this is a curse, a serious curse.  From the beginning of time Kings and Queens slept with young girls and married them starting from the age of eleven.  In countries like the Philippines, China, Japan, Korea young girls are and have been sold into slavery (prostituting) all cultures that had slaves the Master’s (some) slept with the young girls.  And as time changed the law changed.  And it is against the law to sleep with a minor! Some states have different ages.  Some states the age of consent is sixteen! Which I have an issue with that! But right now, where I live and “Bob” lives, the age of consent is eighteen!!! So Bob is quite aware of what he is doing wrong!

I will not lie and say to you that I am accustomed to things of such nature (counseling) in my opinion, the people that do come to me and sit and talk about their problems are severe, but not to this magnitude.  And many are aware that they do have a problem.  Once I had begun to take my personal opinion out of the way and my feelings were when I was able to get to the root of the problem.  And the problem lied with his grandfather marrying a woman whom he was old enough to be her father.  He was in his thirties and his grandmother wasn’t even sixteen yet.  Though they remained married until he had died.  His grandmother was now accustomed to being with much older men.  And her next husband was older than her by eighteen years.  Bob had also seen his father cheat on his mother openly and woo the young girls that were in school with him.  His father had even hit in a couple of his girlfriends.  Bob had sworn that he would not do the same thing, but to no avail he fell right into the generational curse!!! Now he was caught up in perplexities that he could not handle or even see the light of.  The matter of this situation is one that is serious and can cause major issues for Bob.  Even if he decides not to stay with Kim, she is now scarred and must seek counseling.  And Bob one way or the other will pay for his grave sin he has committed.  That could be going to jail and losing everything he has worked hard for.  Or he will and can break it off with Kim, now the catch 22 to that is, she may tell, or he may have to continuously be in her debt. She has the ball in her court to blackmail him for as long as she wants and also report him.  Of course I recommended that he break it off and tell the family, because one way or the other, what happens in the dark soon comes to light! Believe that!

These and many issues occur often in families, churches, social groups, neighbors and friends.  If you know anyone who is in this situation, do not stand back and say nothing, DO THE RIGHT THING, and report them to the authorities.  So many children that are caught up in these type situations have issues and social problems in their lives.  And can also grow up to be a pedophile, molester, rapist, and even go as far as trying to commit suicide.

 

Here are some helpful links and toll free numbers (info) please reach out and help!!!

Although caregivers cannot protect their children 100% of the time, it is important to get to know the people that come around your child. You can find out whether someone has been charged with sexual abuse and find out where sexual abusers live in your area by going to the website FamilyWatchdog.com. Talk to others who know the people with whom your child comes in contact.

www.ptsd.va.gov/public/pages/child-sexual-abuse.asp

Parenting a child who has been sexually abused...

www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_abused

If your child has been sexually abused…

www.rvap.org/pages/has_your_child_been_sexuall_abused

1-800-842-2288 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting            1-800-842-2288      end_of_the_skype_highlighting

1-800-4-A-CHILD begin_of_the_skype_highlighting            1-800-4-A-CHILD      end_of_the_skype_highlighting

 

Thank you for your time

 

Sincerely yours,

Dangerous Dan

 

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

9/2010

 

 

PIMP CHRONICLES 101……..GROW UP AND STOP SUCKING ON YOUR MOTHER’S TITTY!!!!!

 

It has come to my attention in more than a few times of all the damn adults walking this earth and are nothing but big azz babies! Time to grow up!! And time to walk into adult hood and be the real man and woman that you are and stop being babied by your wives, husbands, girlfriends and boyfriends.  Being babied by your friends and co-workers!  And so with no further ado, let’s get right down to the fun-netics of this chronicle that has me slightly heated because I am seeing too much co-dependency from close loved ones in my life, my students, and some of my dear and wonderful co-workers.  And of course as usual I will change names not to incriminate anyone as I always do.

I do understand being spoiled, and those who have been spoiled and those who want to be spoiled and have never experienced being spoiled.  There is a big difference.  First let’s break down the ones who have been spoiled.

Spoiled (type A) - Those who have been spoiled don’t necessarily have had to grow up in a so-called environment with a silver spoon in their mouth or wealthy parents for that matter.   Children that have been spoiled from babies up until they leave the nest (if they do leave the nest) are the ones that whenever they cry they are comforted continuously by being picked up, or giving some sort of treat, or what they want to not cry, scream or misbehave.  And as they grow older those cries become tantrums, and sometimes fits!  And they (children) realize that whenever they fall out, cry, or disrupt their parents they will get whatever they want.  If that is food, money, toys, clothes etc.

The want to be spoiled (type B) - These are the people that feel as if they have missed something major in their lives! They see others get what they want, when they want, and how they want.  And want the same treatment.  Now don’t get it twisted, some of these people have been spoiled.  But I am speaking of the ones that have not and cannot pull the same antics on those around them. Or shall I say they want to.  These people see how others get their way and make a huge fool of themselves demanding things from others and do not know exactly know the art of manipulating others so they look very stupid falling out and acting an azz.  We all have experienced these types’ type A, and type B personas.

 

Okay, so here we go with prime examples, and if you fall into this category.  Well I am speaking solely to you, and having my degree in psychology has afforded me to have heard and seen more than I can recall and at times care to remember.  So just as you get some assistance in reading my chronicles, there is also a release for me when I exhale the things that I see and experience as well. Me, Dangerous Dan a loving soul, but yet I am hard and I take no prisoners!

“Donald” a man that is married, a newlywed is having some deep issues.  For one Donald has missed the love that he should have gotten from his mother growing up, the eldest of three children. He has seen his mother be in nothing but destructive relationship after another.  And at this late age in her life she is still in a destructive relationship.  A woman who felt that when she was with her first husband (and the father of all three children) she had decided to become independent after the marriage was failing.  Seeing that her husband was not going to be faithful, or a good provider they both cheated openly on each other.  He was also an abuser to Donald’s mother.  This forced Donald to be placed as the man of the house caring for his siblings. Making sure they eat and behaved, which was a hard task to do because they were boys.  When his brothers were not obedient he was held accountable for their actions.  And he would be the one that would be the one to get in trouble. 

When Donald’s mother had finally left their father is when she went back to school to pursue her degree in social work. The funny part about it she received her Master’s in social services and her children in her home was falling apart! Her children were not getting attention or love and they were suffering from her long hours at work that she was putting in.  Donald’s mother worked at a hospital and she had the late shift. 

In the mass of this confusion, Donald’s mother had found another “husband” that was abusive and had an alcohol problem as their dad.  And this man was also abusing the children and had them in fear of him.  Donald had many physical confrontations with this man, and had many of times pulled him off of his mother from jumping on her.  When Donald’s mother saw them being abused, cursed out or wronged she never said a word.  But she was all for it when he came to her aid.  The last straw was when Donald gave his mother an ultimatum.  Either you leave him and put him out, or I will leave.  She left him.  However the damage was done, Donald was now out of school, leaving to go to college himself to get away from his mom and the responsibility of being the man of the house. 

As Donald grew up, he searched for love in all the wrong places and picked the wrong women.  Well he was a player of sorts, a man that was so-called sewing his oats. Donald eventually found a woman who he thought the world of and after three weeks of being with her he found out she was not only on drugs, but she was also an alcoholic and was in the midst of losing her children.  Donald stayed with her for ten years! I shake my head at this, because he was now having the same destructive relationships he had seen his mother have. 

After being in this relationship for ten years, Donald had decided to be celibate and not date or be in any type relationship until he had gotten his self together.  Which was the right thing to do.  I will give him his props for that. So after a year and a half of being dateless, womanless, and sexless.  He meets “Ms. Right” They eventually get married.  But the truth about Donald was not going to truly come out until after six months of marriage.  His wife “Megan” had saw some tell-tell signs of him while they were dating.  And it showed up in him being insecure about who he was as a man and his past relationships.  One was he wanted her to be up under him all of the time.  She could tell him that she was having lunch with co-workers, hanging out, going somewhere other than with him.  And he would call her every thirty minutes asking her what she was doing.  Or when was she coming back home.  At first Donald made it to be a joke, and this was cute and funny to her.  Then she started to see the seriousness about the situation. It became more and more obvious when Donald would follow her from room to room.  If Megan was out of the room for more than ten minutes he would come looking for her.  Asking her “Are you okay?” kissing her on the neck or the lips and hugging her.  If she got on the phone, if she stepped outside, was gone to the store too long she would either see Donald or get a call.  Of course Megan knew that this was something that she had to address, because this was irking her, and to put it bluntly tearing a new azzhole for her! And then there was the nights she either stayed the night when she would stay the night with him, or he stayed and spent nights with her. Donald had to smother her with love; she could not sleep without him directly up under her.  His arms, legs would be wrapped around her tightly!  So she had a talk with him which was real touchy and had hurt his feelings.  But to Megan’s surprise, Donald had heard this before from previous girlfriends he had before her.

It had let up for awhile, but eventually Donald had slipped back in the same mode.  Calling and not letting her enjoy herself when she was out.  Making her feel guilty to answer her phone. 

After they were married, Megan had got promoted on her job.  The position she was hoping to get and had always wanted.  It was going to give her a lot more money and she was also going to have a lot of perks and more control in the decision making process of accounts that the company had accrued and would acquire. 

Megan could be gone for two days, or maybe a week at a time.  And this literally drove Donald mad! He was bothered by her being on her phone, computer, being away.  He expressed how much he missed her.  And he would fall out and have some mental and emotional issue it seems every week.  Now, Donald did not have any friends are real hobbies.  So Megan was his all in all everything! She had begun to call Donald a “don” meaning that he was acting as if he was a diva.  Falling out every week!  But when they made love he was pacified, he was okay when they were together.  His nerves were calmed down.  But when she was not available he acted a zip damn fool!

Donald as you can tell is the type B persona, the second part of wanting to be spoiled but does not know how to go by manipulating others to give him his way. Because of missing the love from his mother, because the long term relationship he was in, he had not gotten the love he needed or wanted.  He was overly compensating in both relationships to give his mother what she needed and his girlfriend what she wanted.  But how can you get love from a drug addict and alcoholic?  They have no time for you, and they are always gone, high, or drunk!  And his mother was busy working and giving her time to abusive men was who she gave her love to.

Donald was making the women he dated, and the woman he married replace his mother who did not give Donald the love he needed.  It was only when Donald would act out and this is when his mother found the time to give him attention.  This was not good.

Megan found herself in a quandary of perplexed adversities! This was robbing her of her joy in marriage and her joy of having a life that made her happy.  She was scared to go out with friends.  Scared to go out of town in fear that she would have to come back home and console her husband.  Donald is an insecure man, scared that he would lose his wife to any and everything.  And he was intimidated by the nouns, a person, place or thing!

Donald needs to grow the fuk up! He knows what he is doing, and is fully aware he was making his wife miserable because she has told him this more than a few times. And his answer was always, “I love you and I miss you.  I need you” There is only so much need and love in this world!  When people keep telling you about a problem and you acknowledge you have a problem and do nothing about it.  Then it of course makes the problem bigger than life. 

See, when we grow up that is just what some of us do.  Just grow up.  We do not take the time to go through the past and do what I wish a lot of us will do, and that is self evaluation! You must do this constantly in your life to grow up!  You cannot stay the same because the world is ever changing or else you will be behind.  It behooves me when a person tells me they know nothing about a computer!  We have been in this age for more than a decade! And for a person to say they do not know how to get on the internet is by all means way out for me.  If a woman or man in their sixties and seventies can learn, so can you!  Now I do understand with some people there are extenuating circumstances. And some people just do not want to progress or learn something new and that is their choice. 

It has been way past the time for Donald to get off of his wife’s titty and become a man and stop acting like a spoiled wanna be brat! Unfortunately Donald did not stop his behavior and this led to an annulment of his first marriage to Megan.  She could no longer take his tantrums, all because he did not want to grow up and be the man she thought she had married. Donald is now seeing me for therapy, and he has a long way to go.  Of course he misses Megan; she was and still is a good woman.  But she wants nothing to do with him until he is over his insecurity and falling out like a damn baby with his emotional tantrums.

When I meet and come across people who are supposedly grown and act as babies, of course I wonder being a therapist what brought them to this point in their lives.  Lack of love, attention, affection??? See people can act out in many ways.  Some do it by staying in trouble with the law.  Some are comedians; some are actresses and actors, singers.  They come in all forms of lifestyles.  Now, do not get me wrong or twisted up.  I am not saying everyone who is an actor or actress or even a comedian is in that field because of a lack of love.  But listen to some of these people’s stories and it is not hard to look beyond the surface of why they are doing what they doing.  Have you ever heard a comedian say, “I was picked on at school and the nerd.  So I made people laugh.” Or, “I would always get in trouble from making the kids in my class laugh” The need for attention, the spotlight.  And it started at a young age for the need of attention.  Some adults have to be in the middle of chaos or cause it.  Ever see people making a spectacle of themselves when in the middle of a dispute and they let everyone know it?  Attention.  The woman that has to set everyone straight in her path and is always cursing someone off, gossiping? Attention.  Not enough was given to those people.  When this has become a way of life, it is just that!  A way of life to get the spotlight because they have not grown up, it is just that simple.

To a certain extent, I would rather deal with the ones who have been spoiled from a child on up to their adult years.  Because you know what you are getting into.  You know who and what they are because they tell you right off the bat!  They hold no punches in letting you know that they were spoiled and got everything they wanted growing up and still get what they want. 

Listen people, we need to grow up, and some of us faster than others because you are destroying a lot of relationships in your personal world with your attitude and mood swings.  Look at yourself in the mirror, evaluate, and listen to your family, friends, co-workers when they tell you about how YOU act!

Now I would offend you if I asked you were you still sucking on your mother’s titty if you are a grown man or woman.  I know I would.  So let us take off our diapers, our bibs, and stop walking around with our bottom lip hanging and like we have a quarter pound of shyt in our draws.  And realize that we are affecting those around us, destroying the fiber of love and real good friendships where no one wants to be bothered. And ladies/gentlemen stop babying these people and take your titty out of their mouths!

I’m outta here!

Signing off,

Dangerous Dan

 

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

9/2010

 

PIMP CHRONICLES 101….FAMILY, FAITH & FRIENDS

 

I am so tired, just got off of a motivational tour that led me to the dirty dirty south as they say.  As I sit in my suite in the cool of the air condition room.  I reflect on so many many people that I have spoken with and met.  It is funny how your “fame” spreads and people get to know about you through word of mouth.

 So many people seem to speak to me about the same thing all the time.  Which I am accustomed to, just that some of the stories and experiences are vastly different, and yet some of them are the same, just told differently.  If you can get with that shawty! I had to say that because that is a word that is highly used here, oh and “feel meh?”

When I got here there was a family reunion going on, and a lot of the family that had the reunion stayed here in this beautiful hotel.  The “Greens” when I seen them enter and exit the hotel seemed to be a lively close knitted family.  Now I knew they were the Greens because they wore T-shirts that said who they were. I was warmed at how infectious their smiles and candor was.  But then as I sat in the dining room, the lounge, or by poolside.  I had seemed to get to know the Greens in a real and interesting way.  I had begun to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly. There were haters, deceivers, manipulators, users, and those who truly truly loved from their hearts and were givers.  The ones that were truly genuine at heart were the ones that were hurt and could not understand why they were being “hated on” by some of their family. This hurt me of course because I began to absorb their pain, now normally I do not do that.  I mean don’t get me wrong, there has to be some sort of compassion being in the field that I am in.  I am a psychologist, professor, motivational speaker.  However, I like the title of being a therapist, because I do like helping and assisting people with finding the solution to their problems and issues.  I cannot fix it; I just give them a more open perception to guide them.

I wanted so badly to speak to the wounded family members, but it was not my place.  This time I just sat back and ease dropped and learned, diagnosed, analyzed, and was able to view a situation (many) from a clear distance.  I was on the outside looking in. It was not hard to see or know what the issues were.

The Greens were experiencing some trials and tribulations that a lot of families go through.  The unit was falling apart, and yet there were some in the family that did all they could do by stepping in and trying to “fix” it and play the mediator.  And I give them their kudos for that.  However, stubbornness, emotions and pride got the best of the ones who seemed to throw negative irons in the fire.  Why do we love?  When can we love? If we don’t put malice, hate, and deception out of the picture?  What was the purpose for some to come to this beautiful gathering of bodies to get to see, re-unite and meet those we have never met in our lives?

It is simple…and yet it is sad all at the same time. You know the catch phrase, “Family will fuk you before your friends will” I hate to say it, but in so many ways and times this sad saying is true! There were some very successful people in the family, and there were some that had to save up for two years to come to the reunion.  Some had wonderful close to perfect marriages.  And some that had abusive and spiteful marriages. Some that had wonderful and successful children whom excelled.  And some family members that had children that were in jail as they were here “enjoying” themselves.  My motto is this, “Don’t hate, congratulate!” But this family spoke ill of those who had money, smiles, joy, beautiful husbands, wives and children.  They were bitter.

I had heard plenty of spiteful words spoken so much where some were actually kicked out of the hotel because they made such a ruckus.  How sad I shake my head at this and my heart hurts for those family members that could not understand why and for what.  People hate and despise what they do not understand and cannot have or experience.  It is one thing to have to deal with a truly hateful world, not truly knowing who likes us, who talks about us behind our backs and throws daggers and yet smiles in our face from people we work with or whom we think are our friends. Yet when we endure such pain from our family, we are hurt to the 25th power because we feel that family should love us no matter what and shelter us from all the pain, be our rock of foundation.  And when we fall help us up and give us s shoulder to lean on. I cringed when family members helped others in the family and were taken advantage of and their help was not appreciated.  However, some family members are and were more willing to help a stranger on the streets, someone they barely knew!

The reason that we have so much dissention with our family because. 1. They expect so much from us, their expectations are so high.  2. Another reason when we look at our family member’s success and our success is not on the level of our family members and we “hate” is because we feel they should help us be at the same level.  Not taking into consideration that they worked hard to get where they are. It is the same principle of someone who has made it big as a celebrity, everyone comes out of the woodworks with their hand open out for something.  And it is not fair. 3. For some there is also an anger issue deep with inside, unhappiness and discontentment that if a family member is disruptive or misbehaves.  The embarrassment of that and gossiping behind their back places that family member in the “risk” category. Members tend to see them as unworthy, mistrustful and do not want those members around.  So that causes some uncomforting for all.  Not an easy situation. 4. There are some that feel as if you are family it should not matter how they act, what they do, how they do it, and if they hurt you.  You should understand.  Why not?  You are family.  But these members could care less anyways because they have no morals.  Because they choose to be who they are and do what they do because they all have rights. However, they will treat their friends the same way.

 

Coming on the friends aspect and rim of things.  I have been in and out and around situations where the same thing tends to happen.  People are not going to treat you, talk to you the way that you want them to all the time. They are not going to say the right things to you and those around you the way you would.  Dress, eat, work-out, work, drive, and live, clean cook to your satisfaction.  The way that they handle situations, personal affairs or even business may not be the way that you would.  But here’s the thing, is it for you to judge? Is it up to you to run your friends life? I do understand the closeness and bond that we have with relationships outside of our families.  And we can get sooo close in fact that we would not let anyone do or say anything to our friend to upset them.  It is all very understandable we get offended, angry and hurt when our friend’s feelings are hurt or they are mistreated.  We will feed them, loan them money, give them money, buy things for them, take them out, and extend generosity to them. As we should, they are our friends and we want them to know that through it all we do indeed have their backs.

I personally do not have a lot of “friends” and that is my choice.  Because just as family we expect a lot from our friends.  And the moment our friend does not come through, says or does the wrong thing, we are up in arms! I enjoy knowing a lot of people, having tons of associates and connections.  It limits their closeness and my over involvement in their lives and theirs in mine. It is a better and safer situation. Of course there is a form of closeness a bond that is set when you do associate yourself with others, just not as close as you would being friends. 

Friends…hmmmm…it is time to investigate it, relate it, and be sure to have conversation about  what seems to hurt as much as family.  “But that was my friend! And she stole from me?  How could she/he do that?” or, “My best friend slept with my husband/wife!  How could she/he do that?”  There is a saying, “Keep your friends close and your enemies even closer.” Sometimes I tend to disagree and agree with this beloved statement. For one, it is the closeness that you establish with friends that let them know all of your private thoughts and feelings.  They know your weaknesses too.  And so therefore with knowing so much, it gives them a lot of power.  Your friends, just like family know how to manipulate you, take advantage of you, and even know what does and does not make you happy.  Now of course I am not here to say allll of your friends are bad people.

True friends, real good friends can last a lifetime! The ones who you cannot see or speak with for years and when you see each other it is like you have never left each other. And then there are the friends that you have had for years and they treat you as if you have just met them.  They change, and unfortunately this life will make people feel and think that you are the enemy, though they may not have any substantial evidence. Or let me rephrase myself, they don’t have any evidence that you have done anything to dishonor their confidence or friendship, but because of the bullshyt they have encountered by the ruffians in their journey they take it out on you. How sad is that? How hard this life can be.  Friends come and go loves and lives of past times that seem so strong and yet so weak for that bond falter and leave you in a quandary of whom you can trust and let into your life and have your friendship heart.

What we must know, and what we must come to believe trust in this life is seasonal just like the weather and seasons.  We will have friends that will be cold and wonder why.  Don’t question, just know it is that season for you to move on.  Just like the spring when it comes in, you meet and have friends that come in and bring that ray of light, help, hope and guidance.  And be grateful for whatever they bring positive to you to help you grow. Summer is hot, appealing; everyone is on the hunt to have a great time.  You are in the midst of some good and bad to happening within this season, you never know what you may get.  Something hot and heavy, something that may cause conflict.  But again it is seasonal let the season come and go, except it for what it is and what it does for you.  

We have friends that come and go for long and short periods of time.  They are to do exactly what they do.  Rather that be one to learn from; pain, hurt, joy, love, laughter, wisdom or knowledge.  Rather the lesson is hard or easy.  Move on, do not harp on it too long and do not let it keep you from moving on from your life and hold it and let it fester, grow.

Faith is a subject that so many religions get involved in. I am and have never been a religious man.  People say to me, “Professor Dan, your mouth is foul at times, how can you believe in God?”  I scoff and laugh at this all at the same time.  Well there is no one perfect in this world.  And we all strive for perfection on a daily basis.  Which we all should do.  But yes I do believe in God wholly! I am a very spiritual man, I guess my flaw is that at times I use profane language to make a point; it seems at times that is what some people understand.

My faith is a big part of who I am!  Real talk, real talk from the beginning to the end. If I did not have faith I would not be where I am.  I had to believe that I would get a house, a car, finish school, teach, and be a motivational speaker, travel.  Hope that the situation would get better.  Hope that I can be convincing, that I would get a job, and that I would be accepted for who I am.  That I would make a difference, that I would be able to help others.

The wild thing about faith and yes I said wild is because it can at times be disheartening.  You want to give up because nothing in this lifetime is easy.  And never will it be easy for any of us.  But hope and faith work so close together.  It is like a marriage! A very conflicting but very well fitted union.  Even though there are some things that have taken time for me to see within my faith walk, I can honestly say that I have gotten here. 

I could not see back in the day my success, I could not see where I would be, my future, but I seen it in my dreams, my fantasies, my daydreams.  And no matter how saddened I got I still believed.

I have faith that I would have great people in my life, family that would be there for me.   That I would have some great friends.

Do we place our lives and center them around our family? We should and shouldn’t.  It is oxymoron I know.  But when the fam brings you down and tears you a part you must move on, no matter what.  When friends seem to use you and take from you, you keep the ones that are there for you and learn the lessons from the bad ones and not hold it against them. Forgive them and move on to bigger and better things and not be bitter. It is sad that forgiving is hard, and once you do you still have the sad and bad memories. When you feel you have reached the end of your faith rope. You do not let go of that rope, keep believing, keep daydreaming, and keep looking forward to your success. At the end of the day no matter how hard, you do have some family, friends and faith that will carry you through!!!!

 

Signing off,

Dangerous Dan

 

 

Dedicated to my family, friends, and my faith

Just Toy

Written Expressions

7/2010  

PIMP CHRONICLES 101……………….THE LIES THAT ARE BESTOWED UPON US! THE UNART OF THE BULLS%!T!!!

 

My mind just reels from the crap that I hear!  I am livid that people think that they can continue to run the same bullshyt, and they expect you to believe it. Now let me take a pause for the cause and reveal that some people tell so many lies that they actually believe them themselves! How oxymoron is that?  Totally unbelievable!  But it is what it is, and I guess I have to come to the reality that these people will continue to glorify this silly game.

So here we go again, a chronicle that I loathe to speak upon.  But at the same time holds my curiosity.  I must say that I too at one time felt that I needed to make myself be on an echelon that I wasn’t.  Even though I was quite aware of what was going on in the ghettos all over.  And to me a ghetto can be anywhere!  When I saw that there where slums in the city of Beverly Hills, I was convinced that there are rough riders everywhere!  Please believe it!

When I was around the more studious crowd, I always made sure to use all the words that truly meant something to me and them.  I felt I had to prove that I too was an intelligent being. And when I was around the hustlers and grime of the street, I felt that I had to talk along their level.  I had to prove my street savvy, if that makes sense…because if I showed any sign of true intelligence they would call me a “square”  and I didn’t want to appear as some sort of geek. So I lied not only to my peers, but I lied to myself.  And it was all true bullshyt!  I played games not only with them, but myself as well.

When I was thirteen years old my cousin came to stay with us, ”Kevin” was a handful I overheard my mother say to my father when she was in the kitchen cooking us lunch.  However my mother and father had agreed to let him live with us for the summer.  And my mother had promised her sister that she would “straighten” him out. Whatever that meant, so Kevin comes to live with us. Now I know Kevin, but I really didn’t know him.  If you catch my meaning. I was I must say totally amazed by Kevin which was two years older than me. Kevin a good looking teen really didn’t have to do too much to get or have anything from anyone. Of course I saw that as I got older and recognized the character flaws.

Kevin’s problem was that he wanted attention and had to be the centre of attention. And in order for Kevin to be in the middle and have all eyes upon him. He lied about any and everything!  Now because I really didn’t know that much about Kevin, I bought into all of the many things he would tell my friends. Kevin had a gash on his side. You could tell that whatever happened had to be real traumatic because of the scar.  He told me and all of my friends that he had been shot with a rifle. He said that he had gone to visit his dad’s sister down south and had a short affair with another man’s wife.  He came in and saw them in bed together and went ballistic and shot Kevin.  Which was a serious untruth! Kevin painted this picture that he was having an affair with a married woman at the age of thirteen!  How crazy is that? But we all believed it!  We bought into it, and later I found out that he had his appendix removed when he was twelve years old. 

That is just a small tidbit if the lies my cousin Kevin had told. His lies ranged from saying that he lived with my family because his parents died in a car accident and my mother was the beneficiary over his estate until he was eighteen.  And that my mom got a check every month to take care him. That his mother and father were very rich and they owned homes in London, New York and Hawaii!  It was never ending. Now truth is Kevin’s mother and father dressed him in the best of the best.  And they were far from poor and not close to rich. Now the truth is they were divorcing.  And they had to have a mediator, and she suggested that while each of them was fighting to have sole custody of Kevin. He should live with neither one of them.  Kevin’s parents were at each other throats and it was a very messy divorce.  So he came to stay with us for the summer because he was acting out some.  Now that part is also truth.

My Aunt Simone and Uncle Anthony were always buying all of this materialistic garbage to get Kevin’s attention. Figuring that if they gave him what he wanted, took him to where he wanted. That would be   the better parent to live with .I watched as gifts got more and more outrageous and very expensive.  So in fact Kevin was giving me some of the gifts and clothes to me.  And my mother had to stop them because he was not going to have any more room in his closet or in his room (guest room)

Kevin got so accustomed to telling lies that his life began to spiral in the make believe of HIS WORLD. There are some people out there in this world that need to tell lies that harvest lies under their skin and behind their teeth.  It seems as if they do not have the ability to tell the truth even at gun point which is very sad.

There is an art to embellishing, but these people do not have that as well.  They just paint this elaborate picture to impress upon you that they are insecure, and they apparently do not like the life they live. Case and point with “Simon” A student of mine that lied every chance he got.  And there really was no need to lie.  But everything that came out of his mouth was never, and I do mean never to tell the truth. And at the end of his junior year every lie that he had told had come to light. Simon was so very embarrassed that he dropped out of school and eventually transferred to another university. Which I later found out he let that one after his fall semester. Which only prolonged him graduating from school on time. 

You ask why people lie for NOTHING.  It is very simple, but first let’s be clear on the word lie.  Lie- dishonesty, deceit, falsehood, fabrication, deception. Now let us know the true meaning of the word illusion. Illusion- trick, trickery, artifice, delusion, false impression, deception. This word is closely related to lies. But because when a magician does magic it is a lie, it is fake, and of course when we are face to face with the deception that he shows us we ooh and ahhh about what we just saw and are impressed that they know how to do what they have just showed us!  And we are also in pure amazement and joy.  This closely coincides with a liar.  They see the same thing in your face when they tell you an obscene lie!  They love the fact they are impressing you so to the point of amazement.

Liars of course tell lies to get out of an unhealthy situation, it is their retreat! Let’s run down the list of why they tell lies;

1.    Too impress you

2.    To cover up their past

3.    To get something from you

4.    To draw attention to themselves

5.    To keep themselves out of trouble

6.    Insecure

These are the top and only reasons why someone would lie to you.  My cousin Kevin lied mostly out of insecurity.  Yes he wanted to impress others.  But he was very insecure about the way he looked, spoke, hair, size, and his parents kept him insecure.  Here is a young boy he looked much older than what he was.  Kevin’s father is a tall man, and so at the age of twelve Kevin was 5’9 and had yet finished growing!  So he had to always act older than what he really was.  And he had to mature quickly and be made aware of his surroundings. Kevin told these lies so no one would mess or pick at him.  And he was teased a lot, so it felt better to say he was sixteen instead of twelve.  This was highly believeable!  Kevin actually could have passed for a year older!  As he got older though, his lies became so easy for him, when I spoke to him I never knew if he was lying or telling the truth. Which is why I don’t speak to him cause he so full of shyt!  He has now learned to lie so well, he is a self made millionaire!  Kevin wants for nothing! And he still feels he has to lie to be accepted in society.  Never getting any help when he was younger, it led to the monster we all know in my family. 

Some people need attention more than others. And once they see that you are giving them a little attention and enjoy being around them.  They will do and say just about anything for you to hang around. 

Of course it just does not stop there.  There is the man who will say just about anything to get a woman.  Feeling that who he is and what he is is just not enough.  How many times have you or anyone got involved with someone that you assumed (because of the lies) were one way, but turned out to be another?

In this case the deceivers, well these are the advanced liars.  When a crowd is around they must be the light!  The center of the attention.  A conversation can go on about anything!  And these liars of fukn mass destruction will get all in the middle of it.  They know only a little of what the conversation i.e. topic is about. And they will have you in awe of the experience that either they made up on the spot.  Or is very close to something they went through.  So if they are asked about it later on, they will recall they did tell a LIE to you, so they can recapture and repeat what they said before.  I told you, there are the advanced liars.  It takes a lot of energy to remember all the lies you tell. This is why these liars are called the deceivers.  They will stop at nothing to attaining the prize!  Sex, money, attention, promotion, car, job, power! 

The weak liars are the ones I loathe.  I do not condone lying.  Please do not get it twisted!  Hell nah! But when you place yourself in the category of liars, and you cannot keep up with the lies you would like to tell.  And the lies that you cannot tell because they are extremely see through.  It is these liars also that stir my agent orange up and make me …..Okay let me calm down. 

Weak liars you catch them at their lies all of the time.  Example is, you could have seen the same thing that the liar saw, and he will tell you the story of what happened.  And you have to remind the weak liar you were there!  And that is not how it happened, the liar will disagree that you were there.  Sometimes at the top of their lungs getting peeved at you.  And then somewhere a light comes on, and they realize yes you were there!  Aha! You are now caught (the liar) and it is then and only then that you can officially say the truth.  Because you were caught handing out red letters when you shouldn’t have.  These weak liars will go and tell the story to others in front of you and embellish the story.  And you have to stand up and interrupt.  And now must recall and re-tell the story properly!  The weak liars are shunned by many and hated by a lot!  And they stay in all sorts of trouble and madness.  These are not hard to find.

I must say that I get a laugh here and there when I catch people in lies, and when they want to place themselves upon an echelon that they know they do not qualify to be in, Power, money, sex and I will add personally attention.  We will, some of us do what we must to get it.  And this is when it becomes the un-art of things…to lie repetitively to get that sensation.  And I tell you no stories here in this chronicle.  And I tell you no lies; all lying comes from being insecure.  This is the root of where it all starts no matter what purpose it is used for.

 

Well, this has been a long chronicle. And I must attend to other things on my plate.  Naaaaw, I’m lying.  I am actually going to go have lunch.  See, see how easy it is? 

 

Signing off,

Dangerous Dan

 

This is dedicated to the liars….you know who you are!

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

10/2009


 
Crocs, Inc.

PIMP CHRONICELS  101…….. THE SELFISH MOTHER F****RS WHO SAY THEY LOVE YOU…BUT REALLY DON’T

 

I had to really take a seat waaay in the back, why? Because I hate, nooo I loathe people who say they love you and really don’t.  We get this all of the time don’t we? And when the shyt hits the fan where are those that say they love you?  Huh?  Nowhere to be found.  And this is where pride may come in for a lotta people.  People who are too prideful, becoming too independent where they want nothing and no help from anyone.  Their feelings have been hurt sooooo much by other’s (who love them) that they have lost their faith in love and those who have told them more than once that they are loved.  I understand and comprehend this weak false, wonderful, joyful, fulfilling emotion.  It takes a lot to give, and it takes a lot from you.  I am waiting for some truly real people to say that they love for real for real.  And then each one teaches one.

I’m so livid at the mere thought of those who say they know what love is, and wouldn’t know it if it slapped them in the face.

“Serena” a beautiful woman, when I say that she attracts not only men.  She has women swarming to her as well.  She exudes beauty from the inside and is far from unattractive on the outside.  There were two men in her life that wanted to marry her.  But after she seen how they truly acted she left them alone.  As she moved to another state to work, she met and married another man.  Once she had spoke to the two men who she was once going to marry, they all of a sudden were so deep in love(hurt) that they both had professed their love to her.  Even her first husband was hurt that she had gotten married.  And they had not been together for years!! Old ex’s were sad and wondered why and gave her fake congratulations on her marriage. 

Now when Serena had told me what was going on, I was just as behooved as she was. But I knew what the answer truly was.  No one “loved” her truly until someone else had her.  Let me break it down for you so that you will really understand.  I cannot say that the men that she was in love with before didn’t love her.  It was just that those men were weak!! Yes I said weak some men cannot handle a woman like Serena.  She is a focused woman with a great go-getter attitude.  She is a goal achiever, and she at times is more intelligent than her counterparts (men) and it takes a really special man to deal with her. 

These men were attracted to all the same things that most men are attracted to in Serena.  Her inner beauty, her honesty, love for life, and her intelligence and the way people gravitate to her.

The first fiancé was so intimidated by her that he always made sure that he tore her down.  And was extremely jealous of her family.  She let him go quickly, that is one thing that Serena was not going to have.  But she loved him and tried to make it work.  But of course to no avail.  He just so happened to find out through a close friend of hers.  They had not spoken in six months, but now he wanted her back.  Why??

Then there was her fiancé that had cheated on her and was now married.  He was blinded by the love he “use” to have and so he says he still has.  This one had told her for the full ten years that he had been married he was leaving his wife to be with Serena.  He married the wife after knowing her for two years.  And was in a relationship with Serena for six years.  Go figure!! And his words to her were “I guess now we are not getting married.”


Here we now have “Marcus” and Marcus running in and out of Serena’s life.  Going on what I would like to call “sabbaticals” for long periods of time. Dropping in and calling when he felt he wanted to. Leaving Serena in a quandary of why he would not answer her calls or her text messages.  And then all of a sudden he would come back and say he wanted to work it out.  As Serena had moved on with other men and lovers, every time she dated a man, here was Marcus! Coming over,, calling, wanting to be intimate with her.  Why was it that he wanted her when someone else had her?

Here’s the thing.  A real man, a real man will not let a good woman walk away.  A real man will not be intimidated by a woman’s popularity, style, intelligence, money or anything else if he loves her.  He fights to keep the love alive, he fights to show her love and give her his heart.  Real men are not scared to make a commitment and are not overly jealous of any family member or anything else.  I can see how it can be consuming, how one can be intimidated by such a strong woman.  I really can.  But because they were weak, because they thought they knew the real meaning of love.  They all had failed, failed to love, failed to be love, failed to show love to an incredible woman.  And now it was jealousy and hurt that had stood in their path.  Two of them were dumbfounded, and Marcus said he would be her mister, short for mistress and that he wanted to be husband number two.  And would do whatever it took to  be with her.  I found this very interesting!  In most cases it’s the woman who will lay down her self-esteem and deal with a man who is married and she is single.  Not saying that a man has not done this before.  Just that a man who is soooo willing to do all the things that he has done for her before, but in the same process played the role of “Missing Impossible”  and every time he came back, Marcus would say “I’m going to change, I will do better.  You’ll see”

Let me take a pause for the cause here,  when you have dated and been close to a person in a relationship that was truly dear at the time.  If the break-up wasn’t something tremendously painful, (or you are bigger than that and remain friends for whatever reason) most people can move on.  However when the other person is now fully aware that the person that were madly and deeply in love with has significantly moved on.  Happier than ever, looks even better, seems to have all these wonderful things happening to them and you are not a part of that person’s life anymore.  Old feelings seem to resurface and now you realize that the person you loved seems to become more intriguing than before.  You recall the love, laughter, the intimacy, and the positive things and ask yourself, “Why did we break up” And you also begin to see all of the things that you brought negative to the relationship.  You could not see those things before, couldn’t see that you brought havoc and pain.  That you were just vexed in the relationship, and so you separated.  Hmmmmm…….

Now by no means am I saying that Serena is a perfect, far from it.  But I can say that the men that she had in her life did do things to her that were not appropriate when she was doing as much as she can to keep the relationship on the right track.  I’m going to call this the “mirror effect” others will say you never miss your water till your well runs dry. And Joni Mitchell said it very well, “You don’t know what you got till it’s gone” and this is when conflict with emotions and old feelings resurface and begin to bite you on the azz.  Someone has what you once cherished, and now is beholding and having it till death do them part.

We can be selfish, so selfish in fact that we “think” that if we are no longer with a person we still somewhere have the power to win that person back.  And there are some of us (Serena) that once it is over it is indeed over.  No turning back and walking in the same shyt as before.  It is indeed nerve wrecking to work at something over and over and no change comes about.  Was Serena supposed to wait on her ex-husband? Was Serena supposed to wait on the ex-fiancé who cheated on her and married someone else? Was Serena supposed to wait on a man who wanted to come and go as he pleased and not make a commitment?  By all means no! And it is the selfish heart that says you can do whatever it is you want as long as I do not find out about it.

To place a person in a precarious situation and run back into their lives and cause feelings of confusion and trust the way you feel on someone else is wrong.  That is why I call it the mirror effect.  Because once you look in the mirror of the past, the present, and the future of what it is right now.  You see, truly see what you had.  I recall Serena taking their feelings (her ex’s) and placing them in top priority status.  Which was overwhelming and confusing for her.  These men she rarely saw and spoke with, but she did keep in contact with them.  She had no problem speaking of their personal lives.  It didn’t bother her, they were friends now.  Now you may say well, men are territorial.  And this is true, but women are territorial as well.  

How selfish are you?  Will you be the person that can let go when it is no longer yours?  Will you cause chaos and conflict in other’s lives because you want what is no longer yours back? I will admit, we all can be a little selfish at times.  But if you couldn’t appreciate the beauty of the home, the friendship, the love, the family, the job, and someone else has found it a success.  Don’t be so jaded, jealous and selfish where now you want it for yourself AGAIN!!! When you walked away, that is exactly what it means…walking away and uncovering the next adventure. 

I too have walked away from so many things because of conflict, personal reasons.  And had to take a backseat with my feelings no matter how hard it was  and not be so selfish and jaded where I wanted it back.  I refused to cause any harm to any being because they had progressed in any arena that I didn’t.

Relationships are tricky and love is complicated too. But I’m not that selfish to not rejoice for the person(s) that have done exceedingly well where I didn’t. Come on people, we must do better than this.  We have to, there is no other way. And besides, when you do selfish acts, it indeed makes a fool out of you!

Love, real love conquers barriers.  Loves when you find it hard to love.  Give when you feel you can give no more. Love from a distance and up close.  There no matter what the circumstances.  Even if there may be some stings here or there, this is what love does, this is what love means. 

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

6/2010

 

 PIMP CHRONICLES 101.......WITH THE RIGHT STIMULATION ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!

Many parents in the world before our time, in our time, and I’m sure after we are all long and gone. Will tell their child/children,”If you do all of chores and good grades I will give/get you _________.” It is a reward for good behavior.  As we do the same when training dogs or other animals that are trainable. I am by no means comparing humans to animals; please do not take me wrong in this manner. I am merely just stating facts, and the fact is it is done with many companies and corporations. Many are given bonuses and incentives when they reach a certain epitome and echelon on the job. 

 

Why do we feel the need to reward great service, performance, or job performance?  Because this gives others the incentive to work towards it and work for it. Some of us are okay with just going through the norm of daily life and not be rewarded for the things we give and do for others. But for those of us, flashing that carrot, that money, power, it is the best thing that anyone could have ever come up with.

 

People go out every day and buy lottery tickets; scratch offs just to get the chance of winning some money. And when you see that others have won, it gives you hope! 

I have seen this game being played by so many; I have never been one to do things for the accolades.  I have received them, by all means yes I have!   But I do my best because I like pushing myself to do the best.  For some reason I am one of those people who are their worse critic and enemy at times. And even though I can never be perfect in many things that I do. For those things that are important to me, that is where I create the sense of urgency within myself to get things done.

 

I had a student that had not only taking three of my classes, but also come to my lectures, meetings and finally started coming into my office during my office hours.  A student could come in and talk to me about their classes, life, pains and hurts. And these hours were limited as well as I still had my own practice.  Teaching actually didn’t take up a lot of my time; teaching was something that came to me like second nature, free and easy. And teaching allowed me to lecture and give motivational speeches. My students as well the university knew my background and that I toured a lot and was very lenient with me and my schedule.

 

There was a student of mine that always had on the latest fashions. And she was never ever without money. There were so many students on campus that wondered why and how did she wear all these fabulous clothes, jewelry, handbags and shoes. She also drove a BMW with personalized license plates. She was here on a scholarship, and she did not come from a family of wealth like a lot of the students at the university. Not only did she ooze exotic sex appeal, she was of course very sharp and smart. How else would she get the scholarship?  She had two, one from playing volleyball, and the other from math.  She could have very well been accepted to MIT.  She is just that smart.  I will call her, “Josey”. 

 

Josey was one that was motivated by power, money, admiration, attention, and sex! When I saw Josey’s face a lot, I began at first to think that maybe she was digging me. But this was not the case, she always had comments or questions that she would ask after each lecture, seminar, or speech that she attended.  She was studious in always taking notes; she always brought a mini recorder.  And she always came early so that she could have a seat right up front. 

 

The many male students, professors, and staff of the university were enamored by her poise, sophistication and smarts. And the whole four years she attended the university, I had never known her to have dated, well, let me be real, screw any of the men on campus. She was like the one that no one could get to.  She kissed, fondled but never went further than that.  I was told by many of the male students, even some of the staff that got a date with her. Even though it was a no-no to date or have any sexual relations.  We all still knew it went on, and if it blew up in their faces.  Of course they were fired with no recommendations.

 

I personally knew that she was not a lesbian, which is the rumor that had begun to go around on her because she would not screw any of the boys here at the university.  Naaaw, she was too worldly for that, she loved men, and she knew how to play them very well.  Each and everyone that she went on a date with spoke on how wonderful it was, and how she made them feel. How her kiss and embrace were, how sexy and beautiful she was. They all felt they had to come at her the correct way of course.  So there was nothing but the best they gave and did for her.  Flowers and cards, emails, gifts and small tokens.  Because she brought that out from within side of them.  She did creative things and gave tokens, time of herself.  She always seemed to have the right thing to say and do.  She fed and cared for the male ego. And in seeing this, and paying attention to what was said, which was different things at different times. I knew that this was something that she was taught or either learned because she felt that it was something she needed.

 

Josey started to come to my office the end of fall semester, and her last spring semester.  She would be getting her Masters and moving on to grad school. It was these sessions that I was curious and made sure that I made time for Josey in my schedule, Josey to me was a puzzle I wanted to put together.  But I made sure those vibes and energy did not show or come in. 

Josey revealed little by little of herself to me.  She was complex, and she would purposely drop one subject and move to the next out of nowhere.  And I knew this was her way to confuse me, but it did not.  I took account to everything she spoke on.  I smiled deep within myself, as she would try to shake me; this was a game for her at times. And I played right along with her because I knew that in the end I had the power and the keys.  And she could not outsmart me.

Josey spoke on the attention she loved for others to lavish upon her.  She also spoke of her shopping addiction, and her researching on information and reading.  Josey never made too much mention of her parents.  And she was hiding her parents from me.  And that was okay, because Josey was hiding from everyone except herself. Josey had a huge appetite for money and men.  She loved having sex and being in control.  Josey was a Dominatrix and an Escort.  This is what afforded her the lifestyle she was apt to have.  She learned how to be the perfect seductress, she knew how to woo and play her victims.  She was always in control of her victims and she made them give her things she felt she deserved, or what she wanted.  And they all did.  The five star restaurants, the gifts, the shopping. Yes! Yes there were men who never even had sex with her, and yet they would pay bills and buy her things.  She made you do that! Hell, Josey had a double major! Engineering and Psychology!  And she was one of those students that got it right then when she read it and heard it.  She would study the day of all of her finals and test.  And she was always reading, so she was always filled with the knowledge of her classes.

Josey was to me a young woman of so many means and had the talent and mind to do them. She was motivated constantly of what she wanted to have over others and by worldly possessions that she was so denied when she was a child. Her motivators were many things; she had friends from growing up that were able to have whatever they wanted.  She could not have that, but because her parents made sure that she always went to the best schools.  It motivated her as well to study and always be ahead of her class.  Josey’s father would always teach her the summer of what she would learn in the next grade, mixed in with the next higher grade.  She was taught her alphabets before she could speak.

As a child Josey was molested by her cousin whom had began to have sex with her on a regular.  And for Josey this was normal, she slept with no one but him. Until he threatened her and she told.  So this was why she loved sex, she didn’t reframe form it, she ran to it!

So you see, with the right stimulation anything is possible! So what stimulation is it that is needed for you to obtain your goals? Humph….

 

Signing off,

Dangerous Dan

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

10/2009

 

 

 

 PIMP CHRONICLES 101 DON'T WAKE THE BABY!!

So many of us are scared to step out on faith, so scared of what the future may hold and want to be sure that we are always, always safe and secure. And there is something wrong and right about that. I of course will tell you why.  It is good to be settled and making sure that you are level headed about things.  Making sure that one and there family is grounded. However, and you knew that it was coming. For some things to happen you must make them happen.  Wars, marriages, jobs, interviews, dinners and the list goes on.  Would never ever happen if one didn’t make plans for it.  If one didn’t want to happen, if one didn’t make it happen.  But these are things that are safe, safe and secure. It is the risk that are associated with change that hold a lot of us back.

Being afraid of change is not a fear that we can have or should have.  Things are going to change will change and not ever stay the same.  And that is the way of the world.  What if there wasn’t a person that created lights, gas, a toilet or washing machine?  What about the comforts we take so for granted at home.  A bed, blankets, pillows?  Huh?  There are so many things that have grown and came about because of change. Technology is one that outweighs all of the changes made in this world!

Walking out on what I will call a “blind faith” is something a lot of people envy of others.  A lot of us call this “hating” all because they are not able, or should I say scared to step out on faith to pursue the very thing they want.  So while some are go getters and for those of the non-go getters is a huge world apart. If it were not for all the inventors in this world who had a dream, a purpose of what they wanted to see be revealed for them we people of present day would not be beneficiaries of such luxury.  Rather than be good or bad, of course there will always be the evil, bad always comes from something great and wonderful. And there is always the negative and hardships that come along with being a go-getter; walking out on blind faith has its ups and downs.  But when you are on the positive road of doing the very thing to get you to your dream. It all pulls together, and why it is those others cannot see the trials and tribulations that were experienced in reaching for that dream?

I encourage you to “wake the baby” inside of you today!  Wake him/her up and start taking baby steps in to what it is that you want to do and have in this life.  Just like those who invented things, or made themselves of fame and a part of our history were in the very same place we all start off at.  With nothing, and some with no encouragement from anyone.  Some barely having and keeping a home.  Some sacrificing food and clothing and so much more to see their hopes and dreams.

“Melanie” a woman whom I’ve always to this day had a he crush on.  And it could be love.  Melanie can never stay in one place too long.  She indeed needs a man that is willing to travel and be adventurous.  Because there would never be a boring day being with Melanie, and it is just that why so many men want her and fall for her so quickly.  She is extremely self sufficient and lets nothing get her down.  Since I have known Melanie she has lived just about everywhere and I am sure broken a lot of hearts along the way.  There has been maybe two men that I have known that lived that wild and crazy adventurous life that Melanie loves so well.   And for whatever reason, no matter what financial status Melanie may be in. She always finds an open door.  She is a charmer and knows how to get the right attention, as well as give the right attention.  And I love her for that. 

Melanie I admire to the fullest, because she knows how to do what she feels.  She never ever thinks she will not make it anywhere.  She knows that she will.  She knows that she will get on her feet and meet the right people.  She is a blessed woman.

If Edison didn’t believe where would we be?  If Dr. Drew didn’t think of how he could make an anti-biotic that would just about cure any bacteria…penicillin. 

So many creations of art, cars, man starting a fire for the first time.  It took faith, a leap of it.  No thinking of what other’s would think, how they would feel….Faith is knowing and believing that you will get what you set your mind to do.  Not thinking that you will not get it or get to it.  It’s blinded!

So many of us need to wake the baby within side of us.  It is so damn dormant it’s simply ridiculous.  We stop ourselves in so many areas of our lives because we are so scared of the repercussions and FEARS.  So many of us are scared to be in love, to look for a new job making more money because that baby on the inside is sleeping, and it’s sleeping hard.  Some babies never let go of their mother’s apron string.  And how sad for those individuals that feel they can never leave that inner safety of mom.  Now how I am meaning that is.  We establish a nurturing side inside of ourselves. No matter how mean, soft, sensitive we all have a nurturing side and we use it to make decisions that are of the warm and positive side.  It’s all of our loving sides that we have been groomed to have and use when necessary. 

Some cannot let it go, well not enough to move forward from that safety.  And some of us have that grooming or adventurous side of us that we take the strong pushing from the mother getting us out of the nest.  Making us fly, making us hunt, find our own way and food.  And it is those mothers that have encouraged the waking of the baby inside of us.  And again there are some that are totally opposite, they have always seen boredom, they have always wanted to travel, move around see and be in new places.  They make it happen, they wake the baby and just not lay there and dream.

 

The inner you needs to step out and see the world for the very first time. Open and see all this Technicolor for free, loving and living it to the fullest.  Making life golden as it should be. There are so many out there to wake the inner baby.  I had a client come in and was speaking to me on behalf of letting himself be in love.  While he has been mourning the passing of his wife for the past ten years.  A guilt that he has placed on himself.  Not feeling worthy of being loved or loving someone who is not his ex-wife, there is and ever will be no comparison.  But just to be in a new adventure, he is thinking of hurt.  And a lot of us do that.  But it is the ones who see a lot of wonderful love affairs all because they like the feeling of waking the baby.  They love the newness and feel of all those wonderful emotions! 

He asked me many questions of affirming which he already knew.  He asked was he scared, he didn’t want to be hurt, should he, she is wonderful, and he wants to try.  Yes! Yes!  It is you…you..The wonderful you that prevents you from stepping out into the light of the beautiful world waiting for you.  Don’t think of the negative; be the positive, wake the fukn baby inside of you!

Signing off,

Dangerous Dan

 

01//2010

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

 

 

PIMP CHRONICLES 101……. THE BIG PICTURE …… THE PERSPECTIVE OF DEATH

 

As I sit in my home office, I have the privilege of looking out at a mist on the mountains that seems to be so close, but yet so far away. For the longest time, as I have sat in my office many of times.  Rather here in my home, or in my office at work, or even traveling.  I have not felt the need to write, but reflection and guilt have I seen in my life.  It is hard to constantly look behind other’s eyes, help others see the good in themselves.  And then when I look deep into my life, myself being I see the negative and I pick on myself.  There are people who are very close to me, that must say to me constantly. “You cannot fix everything” That is me, Mr. Fix it!  If Dangerous Dan can’t fix it, then no man can.  My heart is always in the right place just my blunt and directness may get in the way.  Rather it be love, rather it be because of love, hurt, pain, and even joy.  I have asked myself many times, and I have spanked myself in a very abusive way not be so bold and blunt.  But would that be me?  To hide, to keep my mouth close, to not break everything down and see the reality in everything I say and do as well as others.

I lose a piece of me every day, as I look in the mirror. Death is around the corner.  Unfortunately we are born just to die.  And I find no sense it that at all.  I cannot question God about that at all.  It is all in his plan, however I wish there were the days were back when men walked the earth and lived 365 yrs plus!  Imagine the wisdom and knowledge I would have! And the beautiful stories I would be able to share.  How much I would see the world grow, and be able to see my grandchildren, and their children, and their children and their children, and so on and so on.  But the average lifetime expectancy is maybe three scores and ten.  We marvel if we see a man or a woman live to see a hundred years old or more. 

The one thing that I do love about the person that I have become is the giver, the sharer, the compassionate, the understanding person (in my own unique way) the one who over and under analyzes everything about myself and other’s (which is one of my flaws at times)

My family is my happiness, and though I have not spoken in my chronicles deeply about them.  What I care to think of and relish in the most is the love that we all share and the things we have done for each other.  How we have been there for each other.  However, they are a bunch of dysfunctional misfits at times.  And I know it is the psychoanalyst in me that can tell you why each and every one of them are the way they are. 

Today was the day that brought me back to writing, sharing, revealing, and giving once more again to myself and to my students and readers.  Of course when I share or write it is always in regards to a lesson learned.  Or first and foremost someone whom I am counseling, students, close confidants. 

Today a very very close friend of mine lost his mother to cancer.  Here is a man that has always extended his whole being to helping others.  It seems to me that every time, “Martin” Extended himself to other people, because that is the type of person he is.  He was always let down I always felt his pain because Martin is a very genuine individual.

I remember the day that Martin had called me and we talked about him going to see his mom in Texas.  You see, Martin’s mother had been diagnosed with that ugly disease cancer!  And though his mother and he stayed very positive about the situation and her getting better.  I know deep in his heart, (as well as mine) I seen that here would actually be not too much of a bright spot in her getting better.  You see, she was already stricken with other illnesses that had struck her body and were also eating away at her physical body.  Even though we all maintained a healthy attitude, and his mother still giving much of herself.  We dreaded the future.

Martin had to go and get his mother and bring her to where he was, and from the moment that he had checked her into the hospital, she never checked out and went home the whole two moths she had come back.  This was going to be where she drew her last breath.

I was at a social functioning when I got a text from Martin, I had just so happened grabbed my phone to check the time.  And it read “mommy just passed” I froze, could not move, and tears immediately fell from my eyes.  I didn’t know what to say or do at the moment.  The one thing I couldn’t do was call him, what would I say?  How would I say it?  The man with all the answers, the man who motivates, appreciates life and helps so many on their journeys in this thing we call life.  I knew Martin was hurting, I knew Martin was also bellowed with a lot of calls and instant things he had to do right at that moment.  And though we were the best of best friends.  I felt that I couldn’t be there for him, only because I had to be there for myself.  Humph, why you ask? Because I felt at that instant that I had lost my mother. 

I walked out of the social functioning and went outside to sit on some bricks.  And I cried and I cried.  I got in my car and went home and cried so much that I had myself sick, crying myself to vomiting. I could not speak to Martin for two weeks it was then and only then was I able to speak to him without crying or breaking down.  Of course I text him every day, and so did he, I told him to call me whenever he felt let talking.  But Martin felt just as me, he couldn’t talk.  I believe we both had this power to get directly to each other’s soft and emotional spot.  And that says a lot for two men.  Well, should I say for society’s sake? Men are not supposed to show emotions, but that was not a rule that Martin and I wholly believed in.

My mind had begun to swirl in so many places, thoughts.  And here I was now thinking of my own life and my family.  I was about to embark on a trip, a new adventure, a new life, and to see family members I had been too busy to see.  And my thoughts had now been planked with utter forgiveness.  I could no longer have mean or ill thoughts.  I immediately had begun to call family members I was very close to it seemed so long ago.  And asked them if they could all come and visit at the same time I was going to visit.  Some thought it was a wonderful idea.  And for those who didn’t have the money to go, I purchased their tickets.  I had this wonderful and grand time envisioned.  No drama, nothing but love and getting to know each other all over again.  Even though I knew some of my family were some that held on to the past, ill feelings and pains that they could do nothing about now.  The past is the past, and though it is things in our past that greatly define who we are.  We still have to break away from it, move forward.  Look, I say let the things that you loathe and dislike be your motivation to grow and be a better person. 

As I was getting more and more excited in seeing my loved ones, the more it seemed to be so many obstacles to come up and family start to get disheveled.  But I was determined to talk to each and everyone until they seen the light if need be.  And there were a few, life is short, life is very short. And even though I had knew this, it was my very close friend who had lost his mother that had opened up my eyes and made me see the light, a “different light” real talk!

The daily grind and bullshyt that we all seem to go through in life is always personal, think it’s not?  Then of course let me take you there.  Where you work, where you live, your spouse, parents, friends, other relatives seem to do and say things that you take very personal.  That rock the core of your very being is destroyed and demolished!  Funny how people can change our moods in an instant!  And the things that they say or do can and will make or break you!

My “Uncle Tony” was a dastardly bastard before he died. No one seemed to like Uncle Tony at all.  He seemed to always have the cruelest things to say to everyone and made enemies all of the time.  My Uncle was loud and boisterous, selfish and surly. Whenever he got ill or anything bad happened to him, the response would be, “That’s what he gets.  If he wasn’t so mean or acted the way he did.  Bad things wouldn’t happen to him all of the time.”  And it was true, very true.  Because you do get back what’s coming to you from whatever seeds that you sew in life.  And I must admit I felt the same way.  But the one thing I truly did admire about my Uncle was that he got away with the family when he spoke his mind, his feelings.  I admired him because he would only be saying what he truly felt.  And if the rest of my family members could do it, trust me they all would.  And so at times I do believe that some were jealous of the bullshyt azz wipe comments he made because they did not have the heart that he had, the same heart that would not let him sit and ignore what he didn’t like.  Though I will say that some of the things he said were cruel and not nice or encouraging.  Only because he was a miserable soul.  But as my family and I went to his funeral, we found out things that none of us knew.  One, the church was filled to capacity and standing room!  What? How this could be we all wondered.  Uncle Tony was an azzhole of huge proportions!  But as people who knew him better than we did, they all had a story.  A beautiful story to tell about him.  My Uncle had assisted in helping people with rent, mortgages, bills, college educations.  Donated his time to tons of organizations, as well as had his own charity affiliation he had government funded.  We were all even more surprised to know that my Uncle had group homes for the mentally ill.  And came to find out that all of those things that had happened to him, well all of those were the mean and cruel people who hated on him, tried to rob him, and jump him.  They were doing it because they were angry at him for not helping them.  Or because my Uncle had made them mad because he had gotten in between the altercation of their loved one and them.  Who would of thought?  Trust me when I say that after the funeral we all had a different mindset of my Uncle, though I was one of the few that called and kept in contact with my Uncle.  I was also the one that came and saw him if he was ill, figuring that no one would come see him because of whom he was.  And that is the reason that when he died I was in his will.

I had to let go, let it be, turn it all loose.  And this was a lesson I had learned in my life about twelve years ago. It was what it was.  How could I move on and progress if I didn’t forgive and practice what I preached?  I’m not perfect, and it takes time to get there.  Some of my students and those who come and seek my voice of reason and counsel.  I learn from them, and I learn from myself because at times I surprise myself in what I say!

So as I got this family function together, I had begun to cry, cry for Martin’s lost.  For the love I had more and more for my family.  I ignored and threw all that crappy drama to the side.  And when I accepted that they were not going to change, it was then that I said, these people love me, they really love me in their own way.  And just as I judge them, they judge me the same way.  So does it matter?  In the end does it really matter how you may or may not like this one or that one?  If there is a serious flaw that this person has creates some trauma for you that is unhealthy.  Yes, yes you should remove yourself from their company no matter who that person might be.  Just because some may be alcoholics, loud mouths, or do things they shouldn’t.  Do you love them despite their flaws?  Does the positive outweigh the negative?  If so, then there is only one thing that YOU should focus on.  And that is loving and being there for your family.

I will not say that Martin put up with a lot, but when he saw that his mother was being taken advantage, he immediately wanted to rectify the situation.  However, his mother asked him to leave it alone.  That all was okay this was family and they needed her help and she was going to help them.  Martin lived with a family member, and gave up a beautiful flat to be close to his mother while she was ill. 

Though I may not care for my family’s ways, attitudes, and the way they speak or act. Guess what?  At the end of the day I love them dearly, and they love me.  And because we seek love and gratification on a daily from those we love and care for.  I choose to put all the bullshyt to the side.  Because I need them just as much as they need me.  Just sad that someone else’s death put my love and life in deeper perspective.  What about you?

 

Dangerous Dan

 

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

6/2010

 

 

 

PIMP CHRONICLES 101…….WITH THE RIGHT STIUMULATION, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!!

 

Many parents in the world before our time, in our time, and I’m sure after we are all long and gone. Will tell their child/children,”If you do all of chores and good grades I will give/get you _________.” It is a reward for good behavior.  As we do the same when training dogs or other animals that are trainable. I am by no means comparing humans to animals; please do not take me wrong in this manner. I am merely just stating facts, and the fact is it is done with many companies and corporations. Many are given bonuses and incentives when they reach a certain epitome and echelon on the job. 

 

Why do we feel the need to reward great service, performance, or job performance?  Because this gives others the incentive to work towards it and work for it. Some of us are okay with just going through the norm of daily life and not be rewarded for the things we give and do for others. But for those of us, flashing that carrot, that money, power, it is the best thing that anyone could have ever come up with.

 

People go out every day and buy lottery tickets; scratch offs just to get the chance of winning some money. And when you see that others have won, it gives you hope! 

I have seen this game being played by so many; I have never been one to do things for the accolades.  I have received them, by all means yes I have!   But I do my best because I like pushing myself to do the best.  For some reason I am one of those people who are their worse critic and enemy at times. And even though I can never be perfect in many things that I do. For those things that are important to me, that is where I create the sense of urgency within myself to get things done.

 

I had a student that had not only taking three of my classes, but also come to my lectures, meetings and finally started coming into my office during my office hours.  A student could come in and talk to me about their classes, life, pains and hurts. And these hours were limited as well as I still had my own practice.  Teaching actually didn’t take up a lot of my time; teaching was something that came to me like second nature, free and easy. And teaching allowed me to lecture and give motivational speeches. My students as well the university knew my background and that I toured a lot and was very lenient with me and my schedule.

 

There was a student of mine that always had on the latest fashions. And she was never ever without money. There were so many students on campus that wondered why and how did she wear all these fabulous clothes, jewelry, handbags and shoes. She also drove a BMW with personalized license plates. She was here on a scholarship, and she did not come from a family of wealth like a lot of the students at the university. Not only did she ooze exotic sex appeal, she was of course very sharp and smart. How else would she get the scholarship?  She had two, one from playing volleyball, and the other from math.  She could have very well been accepted to MIT.  She is just that smart.  I will call her, “Josey”. 

 

Josey was one that was motivated by power, money, admiration, attention, and sex! When I saw Josey’s face a lot, I began at first to think that maybe she was digging me. But this was not the case, she always had comments or questions that she would ask after each lecture, seminar, or speech that she attended.  She was studious in always taking notes; she always brought a mini recorder.  And she always came early so that she could have a seat right up front. 

 

The many male students, professors, and staff of the university were enamored by her poise, sophistication and smarts. And the whole four years she attended the university, I had never known her to have dated, well, let me be real, screw any of the men on campus. She was like the one that no one could get to.  She kissed, fondled but never went further than that.  I was told by many of the male students, even some of the staff that got a date with her. Even though it was a no-no to date or have any sexual relations.  We all still knew it went on, and if it blew up in their faces.  Of course they were fired with no recommendations.

 

I personally knew that she was not a lesbian, which is the rumor that had begun to go around on her because she would not screw any of the boys here at the university.  Naaaw, she was too worldly for that, she loved men, and she knew how to play them very well.  Each and everyone that she went on a date with spoke on how wonderful it was, and how she made them feel. How her kiss and embrace were, how sexy and beautiful she was. They all felt they had to come at her the correct way of course.  So there was nothing but the best they gave and did for her.  Flowers and cards, emails, gifts and small tokens.  Because she brought that out from within side of them.  She did creative things and gave tokens, time of herself.  She always seemed to have the right thing to say and do.  She fed and cared for the male ego. And in seeing this, and paying attention to what was said, which was different things at different times. I knew that this was something that she was taught or either learned because she felt that it was something she needed.

 

Josey started to come to my office the end of fall semester, and her last spring semester.  She would be getting her Masters and moving on to grad school. It was these sessions that I was curious and made sure that I made time for Josey in my schedule, Josey to me was a puzzle I wanted to put together.  But I made sure those vibes and energy did not show or come in. 

Josey revealed little by little of herself to me.  She was complex, and she would purposely drop one subject and move to the next out of nowhere.  And I knew this was her way to confuse me, but it did not.  I took account to everything she spoke on.  I smiled deep within myself, as she would try to shake me; this was a game for her at times. And I played right along with her because I knew that in the end I had the power and the keys.  And she could not outsmart me.

Josey spoke on the attention she loved for others to lavish upon her.  She also spoke of her shopping addiction, and her researching on information and reading.  Josey never made too much mention of her parents.  And she was hiding her parents from me.  And that was okay, because Josey was hiding from everyone except herself. Josey had a huge appetite for money and men.  She loved having sex and being in control.  Josey was a Dominatrix and an Escort.  This is what afforded her the lifestyle she was apt to have.  She learned how to be the perfect seductress, she knew how to woo and play her victims.  She was always in control of her victims and she made them give her things she felt she deserved, or what she wanted.  And they all did.  The five star restaurants, the gifts, the shopping. Yes! Yes there were men who never even had sex with her, and yet they would pay bills and buy her things.  She made you do that! Hell, Josey had a double major! Engineering and Psychology!  And she was one of those students that got it right then when she read it and heard it.  She would study the day of all of her finals and test.  And she was always reading, so she was always filled with the knowledge of her classes.

Josey was to me a young woman of so many means and had the talent and mind to do them. She was motivated constantly of what she wanted to have over others and by worldly possessions that she was so denied when she was a child. Her motivators were many things; she had friends from growing up that were able to have whatever they wanted.  She could not have that, but because her parents made sure that she always went to the best schools.  It motivated her as well to study and always be ahead of her class.  Josey’s father would always teach her the summer of what she would learn in the next grade, mixed in with the next higher grade.  She was taught her alphabets before she could speak.

As a child Josey was molested by her cousin whom had began to have sex with her on a regular.  And for Josey this was normal, she slept with no one but him. Until he threatened her and she told.  So this was why she loved sex, she didn’t reframe form it, she ran to it!

So you see, with the right stimulation anything is possible! So what stimulation is it that is needed for you to obtain your goals? Humph….

 

Signing off,

Dangerous Dan

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

 

 

PIMP CHRONICLES 101………IF I CANNOT BE LOYAL TO ME, HOW CAN I BE LOYAL TO ANYONE ELSE?

 

My students seem to cry wolf all the time.  And it can be nerve wrecking.  But I got into this field for a reason, so as the dawn comes in and sun rises and I see another wonderful day. 

The lesson today is about loyalty!  I at times get livid hearing people speak on loyalty, like it’s some disease you catch.  And that is the horrible thing about it; loyalty to me is about being honorable. The English Thesaurus gives the definition of loyalty as; faithfulness, devotion, allegiance, trustworthiness, constancy, reliability, fidelity, dependability, steadfastness.  Some pretty raw words that are direct and straight to the point.  There is no end or out with them.  As far as I am concerned, so what I am going to do in my true nature by staying to form.  I am going to break down each and every word that the thesaurus gave me.

Faithfulness; there are truly some that would like to consider themselves faithful to a job, marriage, friendship and much more.  Faithful is for some is very hard to do, because the opposite of being faithful would be wreck less as far as I am concerned.  Faithful is a form of contentment, an agreement to follow through with what you believe and feel is right for you.  Of course it is dedication to a person or thing. Faithful.

Devotion; Many would like to use this more in the form of being in a relationship.  Not straying outside of that union.  One can be dedicated to going to school, working out, praying, even a fan of a TV show.

Allegiance; this to me is the true deepest type of devotion and commitment one can give.  When one joins any armed forces they must take an allegiance to the country.  No matter what decision is made that your leader may make, you will follow that direction and instructions at no cost!

Trustworthiness; well this one here is actually at the top echelon.  It says a lot when someone trusts you with their money, having you around their children, in their home, with their life and any prize possessions one may have.  It works so closely with loyalty.

Constancy; to be repetitive, to always shed any doubt that you will do as you say at all times.  If the law for you is to be respectful, manners, charming, then this is a part of constancy.

Reliability; for some this is the easiest thing to do, and for others it is the hardest thing to do.  And for those whom it is easy for gain rewards in their lives.  You can call at any time, can be anywhere and there are some people you can count on at all times. These words work very well and close with dependability.

Dependability; I can depend on you, count on you to do as you say. Pick the children up from school, pay the bills, be on time, do a creditable job. 

Steadfastness; our last word.  And this is to me spiritual and reaches way down in the soul of a person. And to me it entails all the words up above.  To be consistent, reliable, dependable, faithful, loyal, devoted to that cause or person, thing wholly without any hesitation!

I had a patient once that did not understand why her family and friends did not respect her.  She was a child that was physically, sexually, mentally and emotionally abused.  She was taken from her parents when she was very young and given over to her uncle and aunt. There she was picked on and mistreated as well.  So in her head, she decided to “forgive” them and show them what the right way to do things was.  Thinking that this would work, but it actually worked more against her than for her.  Because now everyone calls her when they are in a tight spot, and she does make sure that she does whatever she can to help.  Now as this began to wear her nerves.  She decided that it was time to pull away, once she did this there was dissension in the ranks of her family and friends.  Each and everyone trying to figure out why the sudden change in behavior?  This was not her…she was loyal to assisting anyone in need, no matter what it was.

Now the problem stems from many areas.  And I do not have time to break down each one so I shall just break down a few. First off she wanted to buy their love.  Sounds silly, but it’s true.  She was right in not treating them how they treated her. But she did not have to open herself up to that type of exposure that would place her in a situation to only be used. The respect was lost when everyone knew that she will never say “no” Then there is the factor that she placed herself back in the same position that she was in before.  She opened the door for them to use her. They were already using her to cook, clean, babysit, and taking advantage of her.  And all her actions were doing and saying were you can continue to do so if you like.  And they did, so they continued to use her for whatever they may.

Now, because of all the things that she has gone through.  She does ensure that she has a “man” in her life that she can punk, run over, and will do anything for her.  All of the men suffer from some sort of low-self esteem and are looking for someone mothering.  She offers that, you see you cannot just take any man and have him buy, do, work, cook, clean, run errands and do what you don’t want him to do if he suffers from low self-esteem and is a mommy’s boy.   You will never ever have a real man, dating or marrying a man like this.  Only because he is accustomed to be told what he needs to do at all times.  So because she chooses these men she feels she gets what she missed out on as a child growing up into an adult. I’m sure you see the counter reaction here…

Now because she has had no one loyal to her, she therefore cannot be loyal to herself.  In that I mean, she cannot be loyal to eating correctly, losing weight, being on time anywhere, keeping her house clean, and being faithful to her man. I have been seeing this patient for the past five years and there has been a lot of progression in some areas, except the areas I have just mentioned.  She falls in and out of them all of the time.  She has been trying to lose weight for the past six years.  And she has lost no weight at all! She has never been faithful to the man that she says is her “soul mate” She cannot get on a consistent basis to keep her house clean and not let the dishes, clothes, trash pile up. She lets the cleaning pile up and pile up. She cannot be on time because her life at home is disorganized. Because she cannot be loyal to herself, devoted, faithful, committed to herself.  How can she expect anyone else to be? Why should her family and friends not use her? Why should they care? Why should she get mad or angry when people do not respect her or use her up? Her idea of loyalty is not correct at all!

When you cannot be faithful and just to yourself and the little things, how can you expect others to be faithful, loyal and just to you?  Why, because you are there for people?  Because you help people out, is that why?  No…and this is why she sees betrayal all the time still.  And without knowing or feeling that she is not being loyal to herself she has no clue as to why everything else around her falls apart and works her nerves.

When you are loyal to more than a few things, keeping your word, and if you can’t showing respect to another or other people by letting them know when and why you cannot assist or running late at that time.  A job, a lover, husband, losing weight, being organized, cleaning up, and being responsible to and for yourself.  Not in just one or two areas.  Paying bills does not make you responsible, and becoming a parent does not make you responsible either.  There is so much more to it than that. Taking full responsibility, being reliable, dependable, faithful, committed, having an allegiance makes you loyal!

I had to work hard at being loyal to myself; the shyt was not easy at all.  And I still have to work out some damn kinks.  School, that was easy to me.  And yet I didn’t realize that I was dedicated to school.  I was dedicated to working hard and making sure that I stayed on the dean’s list and honor roll. I had to dedicate myself to reading, writing, and learning.  And yet I still did not realize that I was being loyal to my studies.  It was as age came upon my life that I realized what true dedication was, and how being loyal to what I love and enjoy to do was major.  And the more I made the decision to be loyal to myself and what it is I like to do.  I knew right then that I would be a success at assisting others. In teaching others and sharing the information that I had attained and learned from others and tons of research.  I had now begun to be a loyal teacher, son, cousin, and brother. 

How can you be loyal to anyone or anything if you cannot and will not be loyal to your own true self?

 

Signing off once again,

Professor Dan

 

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

10/2009

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PIMP CHRONICLES 101………. WILL YOU BE MINE?

I seem to be a true romantic of life, even though I may seem harsh and come hard at times with all of my philosophies about life.  I seem to daydream and romanticize I guess about how I would like life to be.  Not just for me but for others as well.  I seem to see friends loving and caring for each other despite their flaws.  Because I know that I am a handful and huge handful! I smile from ear to ear as I write this.  Because I cannot lie to me, how can I be honest and so raw with you if I do not judge and point allllll those damn fingers at myself.  It is what it is.

I love to be around friends and family when they come to my home or I go to theirs for gatherings and visits.  And their friends come around, brothers and sisters and tell stories of the “good ole days” things that are heartfelt and endearing.  Funny stories of when they were teens and pulling shenanigans on other people and each other.  You learn so much about a person, and things you may have never ever known had you taken the time to relax, listen and be open to learning and feeling.  And again this is what brings me to loving what I do.

When I go and speak at different universities, colleges and personal invitations to come out and motivate. I love the conversations and energy that is felt all in that auditorium or ballroom.  It’s a warm positive vibe and I love that shyt!

I love when I am around my woman and we are feeling each other and being so damn intimate it seems ethereal! We are so caught up in one another’s conversation, loyalty, happiness and vibe.

When I think of love I seem to always be even more of a romantic at heart. I love flowers, candlelit dinners, long walks and hand holding.  I love even the thought of seeing my woman come out  freshly showered in my T-shirt and cuddle with me in front of the fire.  Wine, picnics, I think of the most intimate and romantic things I can give of myself.  And always inventing something to feel and give this surreal feeling of euphoria.  It makes me feel good to give it and also see the persons reaction when I do such romantic things.

And when it comes again, to my real and close intimate friends.  When we relish in each other’s space and respect and cherish our time together it is absolutely phenomenal! I get such a high and a joy.  See this is why I call myself a romantic, and that I romanticize about life and the beauty of it.  Unfortunately this is not a world that I tend to live in.  It has all these memories of moments I just shared with you. But the heartbreak and life’s circumstances which you cannot control happen and knocks that out of the ballpark at times. 

So this is why I love being uplifting and encouraging and give those the tools at times to push on and move on and stay strong.  Get out of those toxic relationships, improve and work on a better you.  Yeah, I like that; I love that world of being simple, happy, loving and warm.

However the chronicle is that even if you me and tons of other’s would love to live and have this existence there are still some of us out there that are not seeing the reality in the truth that is presented for them.  You cannot have anything in this world if you’re in constant need of being a better you.  Let me break that down some more.

In order to create a world that I romanticize about and other’s as well.  You have to be one with a higher being and create that same thing within yourself. A serious romantic love and need to love you and take care of you.  And you are not able to do that if you constantly  have rubbish and static in your life.  Now sometimes this is not created by others, this can be and has been created by YOU the person that you say you love! You allow the nasty trash of a person that you are, creating chaos wherever you go.  So how do you expect anything great to happen? Love, life, family, friends, great times.  It won’t!  It can’t! It ain’t! And that is the real truth about all of this madness.  I have met and counseled so many who hate themselves so much that they begin to hate having and existence on this earth!  Could you imagine being that hard on the inside?  For me, again meeting those of this nature has me in just and absolute thither!

The mind is so powerful that you can have yourself feeling better, doing better, motivated, changing, and accomplishing whatever you want! And no matter what the circumstances may say, you are headstrong in your belief, your power, the one with your inner being that you are able to daydream, romanticize about what you want and wish for others

So because I am the type of person in the genre of love and good times.  I create that with all that are in my cipher.  I need to have that quality time and giving of such a warm life and energy when I am around the people who I love, or colleagues that I care about deeply.  It starts with me and ends with me.  Of course my circle may seem big, and you may ask, “Professor Dan how do you do it?” Easy, I know who to keep close, I know who to love and uplift and care for.  I know who to discipline with tough love.  Because if you are going to be close to me and there is an exchange of conversation.  Then we should all be on the same page.  How can I have a love for me, and then have someone who is just absolutely livid about life come around and co-exist?  Doesn’t make sense. 

I can only give you me, and you can only give you.  How can you want a mansion and a yacht and you are doing nothing to get it?  When I meet people who show no light and warmth and are truly miserable.  And they wish and want all of this love, and then are jaded with others and what they have.  They have a hard time in seeing themselves as the problem.  And sometimes we can walk around with these rose colored glasses on and see people differently and not know the truth about ourselves.  We can find blame and see fault in others but cannot see any in us.  Love and happiness come from within.  You have to give love and be a sincere person.  And so you attract what you are and who you are majority of the time.  If there is always havoc in your life, sit back and ask yourself do you create and cause it?  Do you agitate or stimulate dramatic episodes?  Are you always seemingly in the middle of something?  Even if it your friends always seemingly going through some crazy episode or another.  Then it is you!  The people that you have chosen to be company of.  Because we all have a friend here or two that is off the chain, but when you have a shyt load of friends like that.  It is indeed time to look in the mirror of your soul. 

There is always love and happiness waiting for us all if we dare to go out and get it.  This is what a lot are in search of, but they seem to go about it in the wrong way.  It is not in the opposite sex, or let me say it is not physical or sexual.  Whenever you look for someone to love, you tend to put a lot of garbage in your path.  Why?  Because you are looking!  Because you are searching!  And if you just stay open to the possibilities you will get the love you so long for.  But…there always seems to be a but huh?  But….you must be that warm and inviting person.  Not just looking for someone to settle down with.  Evil attracts evil. And even though it has lured a lot of genuinely good people.  They all reap what they sew, it never fails.

I had to adopt this philosophy real quick.  Of course there are going to be haters, backbiters, backstabbers and those who want to throw salt on you because they only wish they could be that sunshine that you generate.  I use to think that a lot of bad things happen to good people and good things always seem to happen for bad people.  And I asked myself why that is?  Because the bad people at times go a rougher route, a negative unfulfilling way to get that great thing to happen.  And notice they are not happy for very long.  And the people and the materialistic things they accumulated soon part. Just like a fool with money, it soon parts! When good things happen to good people a lot of times some may not see it.  Because of the fog that negativity places you in. And then you have no scruples.  Of course people wonder how you are doing and loving and they do not have that in their lives.  Of course a lot of stories are not like this.  Because there are some that are so miserable that they continue to wrap their heads around poles all the time and fall on bad times all the time.

So the question is, will you be mine? And the next question is can you? Because in order to be, have, want and get the best of the best.  You have to be that! It is a daily journey, a daily walk and in constant touch with the flaws and working on them and acknowledging them. You have to be yours first, you have to romanticize about it to get it.  You feel me?  I knew you would…..because I am, so therefore I can ask free and open.  Will you be mine?

 

 

Signing off,

Dangerous Dan

 

Dedicated to all my readers, thank you so much for your loyalty and support!

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

8/2009

 

 

 

 

PIMP CHRONICLES 101…….. WATCH THEM DOGS!!!!!

 

They say keep your friends close and your enemies even closer. But to me that is a lot of energy, and it takes too much of your time. Now I will say I do understand the science of that and by no reason am I arguing with that. When you watch your enemies so closely at times you can miss a lot of things that you shouldn’t have.  Sometimes having your enemy and your friends in the same vicinity creates chaos madness you really weren’t trying to see or even be around.  This is why I  may have problems. In this case you must do some serious multi-tasking, because you know that you have an enemy that is claiming to be a friend. And of course if this person is an enemy then you are watching, listening to a lot of what they do and say.  You must be on this type of thing in order to know that. I have seen so many things in my life, and they are probably the same stories and extras you have heard and been around or maybe have experienced yourself. But I am in the middle of a semi-war you could say.  And so it is at this particular time that I come to you with hurt and passion in my heart. 

I am in the precarious situation that stems from friends who are claiming to be friends and are far from it. My sister, I love her so dearly and would do anything for her. No matter how many times she has down talked me. Said things to hurt me, and she has even stole from me. My sister was staying at one of my condos, I told her that all she had to do was pay the utilities. We made a pack for her to do just that.  Well in three months I get a call from my satellite company that handles my phone and internet package.  I also get red disconnect notices from all my utility providers.  And I am behooved that I am in this present state.  That my sister had not made a payment on any bill!  That I was three months in the rear.  And the only reason why they had not shut off any of my services was because I normally pay them for three months in advance.  However since my sister was living there I was not paying the bills. Now how can one not pay utilities when they are living in a condo for free?  And this condo was the nicer of the one that I lived in.  Of course her being my blood I didn’t just kick her to the curb.  I mean we were back to speaking in three weeks, only because she paid me the money she owed me and apologized. Now the thing is, do I consider her to be an enemy?  No! But she seemed to be right close up under me, not considered an enemy.  And she did me in!

My Uncle Gary is the nicest man one could ever meet and know.  I wish that I could be so much like him.  He has the patience and tolerance of a saint.  And he is known in his community for always helping someone. My Uncle has taken so many people into his home and helped them get on their feet. Sometimes he has even moved families into his home. He is notorious for giving money away and buying food for  people in need. And because of this it seems as if this man has angels around him giving things to him all the time. He seems to find favor wherever he goes. Money, jobs, houses, cars, you name it!  He has even gone on cruises and vacations without paying!

Nooooow the downfall to being this wonderful and great person my Uncle is is that he has gotten screwed over by so many people the shyt is not funny.  And it is at these times that I am pissed to the ultimate level that I want to hurt others that despitefully misuse him.

The latest on the docket is Mr. Warren Chester.  A man in his mid thirties who is nothing but a pure lower case snake in the grass and a slimy slithering son of a…..ok…let me calm down.  Because with me being upset, you will not see the situation. And you know my purpose.

Well, I had told my Uncle to not mess with this man at all. Warren had given the illusion that he was well connected, had it where anyone would do anything for him at any time.  Which was and wasn’t true all at the same time.  Warren was a semi celebrity.  Meaning that he had been on a few TV shows, commercials, and had very tiny roles in movies.  So tiny in fact that you would have to pause and rewind the movie to even see him in it. Warren used so many people that he made a lot of enemies, but for whatever reason it may be.  There were still a few hangers on, and they were just mere flunkies. You would wonder why a person such as himself would even associate himself with any persons like this.  These are the “best friends” the flunkies the nobody’s that don’t have a life.  And they look up to Warren as if he is the next best thing since vanilla ice cream.  And he is some sort of god.  The women he deals with are the type of women that screw him and have no esteem at all.  He lies down with these women just for a ride, to eat and believe it or not to get a food stamp card so that he can eat.  He has no car and no stable place to stay that is until he met my Uncle.

He threw all of these lines, I called them “mack” lines.  So my Uncle moves him into his home. Why not?  He has plenty of room.  So he moves in on the pretense that he will pay rent.  He has some great promotions coming up and that he also had been on some call backs for a few commercials.  All these were lies.  But what Warren did manage to do was partner up with my Uncle in one of his side hustle business’ My Uncle had met a gentlemen who owned a bar, or  club.  And he wasn’t making money so my Uncle said that he would help him bring some business to his establishment.  And my Uncle did just that. He knew so many people, so he decided to have a poetry night, a jazz night, and open up his place for happy hour.  The club and bar made money because my Uncle had knew some great promoters that wanted to just help him because of the person he was.  My Uncle took 40% of the profits of everyday that the club or bar was open for business.  And of course those who helped him asked for nothing they were all favors. 

Well here comes Warren and he says he can help my Uncle make even more money by bringing some stars and celebrities he knew there.  He kept his word and did bring more people in there, but no stars or celebrities had come in there.  I will admit that Warren knew a lot of people, and they did frequent the club quite often on various event nights.  My Uncle saw this, and said he would now let him handle it. It was no big deal, I had warned my Uncle to leave this man alone.  I knew he was a con and a manipulating user.  But of course my Uncle did not listen.

In five months of running my Uncle’s business, or that side of it.  He went to the owner of the bar/club and told him that my Uncle was good people, but it was him that had been over packing the place to capacity because he had been promoting and had a street team of twenty people that went and passed out fliers seven days a week everywhere.  The owner was now swayed to the beat and energy Of Warren because he saw how much his bar was making, the club and the people. So right from up under my Uncles nose he took the club from him!  Is that not nice?  Is that what you do to someone who has let you stay rent free, food free, supply free, utility free, cable and internet free?  Annnnnnd bring all your different women in there to have sex with and they ate my Uncles food and took showers and stayed nights on a regular.  My Uncle was closed mouth about it for a few months because he didn’t want any static from any of the family.  However  he was now ready  to tell all of us what had been going on.  I was the last of course to find out.  And this is when I found out that he had taken my Uncles side business venture away.  Can you imagine going to get YOUR money and someone tells you that I have given it to someone else?  So when my Uncle had found out about how things had gone down, this is when all hell had broke a loose! My Uncle had called me, it was time for Warren to finally pay all back rent or he needed to leave.  And we all knew that he didn’t have any back rent nor did he have any money at all to just pay the present month’s rent.  And the fact that you had been collecting monies from the bar/club for the past three weeks. My Uncle and the owner had a great rapport, or so he thought. He wasn’t so eager or anxious to pick up his money every night as I stated.  Warren had been walking away with my Uncles Money, and let me tell you that the money that he had been collecting was not kibbles and bits! We are talking from two to three thousand dollars a week! Maybe more!

 

 

 

 

This of course was a huge dilemma of mad proportions and no one had any patience for this non-sense. 

Now here again is the same situation that I had experienced with my sister.  Well almost the same. Here was a person who was an enemy and a hater from the very beginning and his mind set was to totally get what he was going to get and nothing more or less.  And even though he came off as a wonderful person that he would and could do as much as he could for my Uncle.  Of course him being so trusting to people, because that is just how he is.  He was never ever expecting someone to do this to him, and the man screwed him with no Vaseline, I know this may sound a little harsh who do not know how I jive and spill my limericks.  But this is so true with my Uncle.  He had his enemy right up under his nose and didn’t know it.  My point is this, had my Uncle been all over him, watching him, he would have still not seen it because he more likely than not been checking for other things.  And when you are watching a person so close and so hard in one capacity.  They could be doing you in a whole other way. 

It is sad to say that anyone can be an enemy.  Teacher, mom, dad, sister brother.  Yeah family.  The important thing is you must watch.  For some people it could be talking too much and not having any way to back up what they are telling you, and some do. This damn thing is so oxymoron it is simply ridiculous! I have seen so many crazy ways people have gotten done over and  it was those living with them, family, friends that were jealous and insecure.  And here they were thinking  they were loved.

Dogs come in so many shapes, sizes, and nationalities from all over!  No one can pin point dogs in only one walk of life.  The people who worked for Enron loved their job!  And a couple of things they liked when interviewed were the stock options, the 401k, pensions, overall benefits. They all said that it was a great place to work.  They were all being compensated well working with Enron, bonuses the whole nine! But then it happened and hit all of the employees like a ton of bricks! They had no job, no benefits, pensions, 401, nothing! And here all these people were working for the enemy. How can we know and not know is the question here.  Well, some things you can feel, and some things you can’t. The answer to  the personal watching of the dogs is where you have to keep close and yet be distant at the same time. Especially with those who come into your circle and want to take up residency will fast. Those are the ones you watch, they want to go hang out, spend time, may even call you a lot. These are the ones to watch and watch those dogs well. Because if you continue to lay down with dogs you will come up with fleas!

 

I guess I am calmed down now, and I can take a deep breath and deal with my personal satiation a little better.  And talking to you all about it sure did help. Thanks. Just take your time and you better watch!


Signing off,

Dangerous Dan

 

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

9/2009

 

 

 

 

 

PIMP CHRONICLES 101…….. DAYDREAMING TOO DAMN MUCH!

 

I had a dream in the day time fully awake and yet caught up in my own world.  Perceiving and viewing the world as it should be.  And also seeing my life, career, the woman I would love to have in my life.  I don’t see myself as rich, but I do see my life as never struggling and when things happen I am able to handle it. And then all of a sudden someone calls my name, “Professor Dan!”  And I awake out of my daydream. Damn.

 

One of the things as a teacher/professor I and other persons in this position seem to ask students, “Where do you see yourself in the future?  What are your goals?”  And the same goes when you seem to fill out an application for a job.  I have asked myself why I persistently ask the same question of all my students.  And when I ask, I really see no reason to.  The reason so many people ask this question, especially a job.  Is because they would like to know if you are going to take the position you are applying for seriously.  If you plan to grow with their company.  Or are you just coming there and work for a “paycheck” only.  Hell why do we work?  To get some money right?  But there are some that take a job with a company and   grow to leaps and bounds.  And of course some that just take it for what it is.  A damn job! And getting paid.  Hello!

So I decided that I would stop asking that question.  Because I found out that what some of us really see ourselves, or when we “daydream” it is not actually what we truly want. A lot of us seem to change our course, our goals, our wants and needs. Now there are some of course that pursue their dream faithfully.  Actors, comedians, writers, teachers.  And I thank God for those who stick to their original plan, or else there would be none of those people in areas that we need so badly.

Today however I come to you with a different matter.  But you already knew that I would didn’t you?  Well that is what I do! I would like to discuss those that “daydream” alllll the damn time and their life is not worth a shyt!  But they have big dreams, goals; they see soooo much for themselves.  And it is those daydreamers that life passes by.  They start on a dream and when the dream does not go THEIR way they seem to get highly discouraged.  Hey we should all know that anything that you want in this life you have to work towards. And it is never easy to go to school, start a business, or even step out on faith and place yourself out in an industry that will chew you up and spit you out. It takes work and serious perseverance.  No one got anywhere by just applying for one job, or auditioning for one part.  Come on!  That person(s) keeps on trying.  And that is my point here.

My best friend is a hell of a daydreamer.  And I can only just sit back and shake my head when he tells me his dreams for the future and what he plans to do. This man has been in the entertainment business for fifteen years, and has not even attempted to make an effort to take his career or talent to that next level. A great sense of humor, able to make all that are around him laugh to no ends. He is also a great MC, no not a rapper.  He knows how to get a crowd that is dead and take them all to the next level. He was a male exotic entertainer for years, but he just wasn’t a stripper he gave you a visual show.  He made you, pulled you into his world.  He had asked me to come to a show. Of course I was against it, why would I come and see men strip down to a G-string?  But he told me just come and sit with all the beautiful women that were in the club.  It took me awhile to accept his invite.  But when I did, and I saw when he came on stage how he had gotten that crowd of women up on their feet, and while he was performing. He was also MCing his own show! I was impressed!  And that was three years ago.

The man is also a great writer and has so many talents it is totally ridiculous.  However he got accustomed to the lifestyle of women taking care of his needs. If you can pull in close to a thousand a week and have women throw themselves at you.  Well you do get comfortable.  This man always speaks on his play, one man show, events he will coordinate and promote because he has a helluva mouth piece.  But he does nothing! Now twenty pounds overweight with a stomach, he has no job, no money coming in.  The women that he has in his circle are younger; ten years younger than him.  And he lives off of others generosity.  That means that he will ask them for a ride to where he needs to go, to eat, and for sex. And all he has to offer is his humor and what is below his waist.  Which isn’t a lot if you ask me.  He lives from piddle to post. Never staying anywhere for no longer than three months. Because he wears his welcome out. And the young women that he involves himself with get angry with him and take him through major issues and what I would like to refer to as “drama” because he does not really know how to treat a woman correctly.

He lives foul, anyplace he stays there is a compliant of his cleanliness and how he does not contribute anything like cleaning up his mess or what he messes up. And of course he has no money his way. And you know what? After getting fired from his job, the male exotic world.  He will still go and perform, belly and all.  And he still gets the crowd up.  But he may only make a maximum of $40 that night. And he is still talking to me and all that listen that he is going to be the “worlds greatest entertainer” When? How? And he will tell you that he does not want a job so that he can work on his talent.  Does he?  Hell naaaaaaw.  He sleeps all day, doesn’t speak to anyone about it, and make no moves towards his goal.  And when he promotes an event. Well it does not do well at all.  Because he is too lazy to promote it.  When you sleep all day….the Bible has a scripture…”a little folding of the hands” And of course that is not all of it.  But what it is saying is that when you fold your hands nothing gets done.  Nothing.

I always wanted to speak to large crowds.  Always wanted to share my wisdom and knowledge with those I meet. And I wondered for a long time how would that happen?  So I placed myself in the forum of speaking to students, teaching.  And that sufficed my dream, until it grew and all my students and others that had sat in my class were all moved by the words I spoke and I was slowly but surely invited to speak at symposiums, workshops, and motivational seminars.  I live my life as if it were golden.  I work, and have worked slowly towards my dreams.  I am a huge daydreamer, and I love it. 

But do you daydream as well? Do you step out on faith to pursue those things you tend to daydream about?  Or are you or some that you know just sit around and do nothing? Just talk and talk and wear people out with that same bullshyt rhetoric.  I hate to see people who have the greatest talents, gifts and much more and do nothing, absolutely nothing about it. I tell my ex-stripper friend who is only a “hood celebrity” only known in those circles of that fake male exotic world. I am embarrassed for him that he still gets up in front of a crowd and strip with a belly like that.  Embarrass for him that he lives the life he does.  Embarrassed that he is so scared of success and fears the future of being a success.  But in his world, and I am not a squirrel trying to get a nut.

 I am sincere when I say that it is a waste of life, a waste of time to be taking up oxygen when you do not develop or work on the gifts that you have.  And all you can speak on is what you plan to do, and what you want from life.  Some daydreamers are so damn lazy.  And it is those that you do not want or need in your cipher.  Because they will wear you out with all that gibberish bullshyt.

Well, I have a break coming soon, and guess what I am going to do?  You guessed it!  I am going to go and DAYDREAM!  And not only that, I will pursue the next dream because that is what I do!

 

Signing off,

Dangerous Dan

 

Just Toy

Written Expressions

7/2009

 

 


I write this today because now in these lean times the jobs have been limited and next to nothing out here.  And there are some serious scam artist that are putting ads all over the internet to get people to do their job, scam others, join their organization. Be a part of their shytty community.  And some things are right there in your face.  While others look so good, sound so good and just hearing it makes you feel good.  I love it!  And here begins a chronicle that comes from the heart.  Not saying that none of my chronicles have not been from the heart.  It is just that this one, man, this right here, this right here is one to delight. So here is my bullet outline.

 

Bullshyters:

A.      How to recognize

B.       What they verbalize

C.       How they are deceiving

 

 

I have been around some wonderful people who have taught me the art of masquerading ones self to deceive in the sweetest manner.  They have such a cool and poised energy about them.  These are what I like to call the Snake Charmers You will not know that you have been got until after it is all over.  There are the ones that are truly and dearly hard to see if they are out to get you or that this is their gig.  They intentionally run their game on everyone that comes in their presence.  They do it so much in fact it is at times hard for them to really be honest and true to their real feelings.

 

Then I have been around some truly amazing seducers!  They have the art of bullshyt down to a great science and they to me are the deadliest of the bullshytters. These are the ones that have an eloquent speaking voice, their voice is just naturally appealing and with some it’s even sexy.  They always are dressed nice, attractive, they have a strong appeal and lure because they are appeasing to the eyes.  What would it actually feel like if you went to a motivational seminar, and you saw an unattractive person being the orator?  Would your attention be held for a very long time?  And if they are not extremely eye candy they have something that is very attractive and eye catching about them.  Go head and think about, don’t worry I will be right here…..words still flowing from my thoughts to my fingers.  Dropping science.

 

The “Seducers” is what we call them.  They use their sexual aura, whatever that maybe to lure and seduce you into whatever con they have or what is up their sleeve.  You see them in entertainers all the time. 

 

We also have the bullshyters that you automatically know they are full of it.  You see the shyt before it gets to you.  They talk all the time, can not be quiet, they are shady, shifty, scandalous and will do anything to make anything happen.  And these are the ones I call “Snake Oil”  And for whatever reason that you can not understand, they know a lot of people and make a lot of things happen and they are always it seems on the come up of things.  They seem to have it all, but there is always some stage production of the things these people are involved in.  They attract a lot of negative press in their lives something negative is always around them, or they are going through something. 

 

Have you ever wondered about the ones who can sell water to fish?  I mean they can get anything and do any type of job and make money at it no matter what it is.  They seem to know the right hot words, they listen for the hot words, and they make the deal.  They are what employers call “Closers” And that is what I will call them as well.

 

These people are shiesty as well, and they are it seems never hungry for money and a lot of them that you meet, you wonder what it is others see in them. There are more unattractive people (to some by looking at the outer appearance) than there are the “beautiful ones” Some of them are into their appearance and some of them are not.  And it is the ones that are not into what they wear or how they appear to others.  Now “Closers” are very productive and a lot of them are cocky in what they do.  They also are very controlling and dominating people in their own right. And they indeed get a true ego boost from the ability to do this so well.  And this is why you will see some of the strangest couples together. It is their mouth piece, they always close the deal!

 

Of course knowing that these people who run great game, fantabulous game, and sorry game is indeed their forte.  Some are so accustomed to running game over and over (bullshyt) and over it is very hard even for good friend and family to not recognize when you are not running game.  A bullshyter always make sure that they always have an answer for any and every question you ask them.  And you never let anyone get the best of you.  They practice this, they plan, plot, deceive and manipulate situations and others so-well.

 

To see them in action is so eloquent for me because I know that signs and I observe them like they are the movie, the play, they are making the big score.  First let me give you an example.  Ms. Maria Catania.  Hmmmm, what is there not to say nice about Maria? A Beautiful woman from ....Dominica...., long lashes, bedroom dark eyes, full lips, and a deep brown tan.  She was sex all day and night.  She oozed charm and lured both sexes to her lair. A shrewd business woman and with a great wit.  She indeed knows how to draw a crowd to her making sure everyone in the crew gets her attention.  And she gives them some spotlight all while holding court.  These are the greatest of them all, the “Seducers”

 

The Seducers have a great way with keeping your attention and running game, bullshyt, business and love at you all at the same time and at different times.  Theses Seducers are also the types that hardly ever pay for anything, now you do have some seducers that just use. Let me be PC here, sex as a weapon.  When they were young they did.  But the real sharp and intuitive ones like Maria.  They have, watched, learned, and have been hurt before.  So they have turned their hurt into ways of bullshytting anyone that comes their way.  And when you are taken by a bullshyter, you never feel as if you were taken advantage of.  Because they don’t walk away leaving you with that feeling.  The seducers have that way about them.  It is only the ones that are very close to the seducers that know their ploys and ploys.  They are the 007 crew, and they laugh and learn from the master manipulator. 

 

The “Snake Charmers” well know one really likes the way they deal.  The Snake Charmer is the type that has their shyt together at all times.  They are close in relation to the Seducer because they have a lively outgoing energy and they attract people to them.  But they are not to be played with.  These are what I would like to also consider the professional cheaters of gambling.  The Snake Charmers will have the product together, the contracts, business proposals, and the reason why you should invest.  Even show the productivity of a beautiful poster graph chart.  I have seen these in action, and yes I will admit I have gotten got twice by a Snake Charmer.

 

A Snake Charmer makes everything seem too good, and you do have hesitancy.  But they will see it, and they will over come that.  You see the way they want you to think that they live. But Snake Charmers cannot stay in one place for too long.  And his shyt is tight!  He can have you invest in his/her product.  And then at the same time have you sign a legally binding contract saying that if you lose the $10,000 you invested they are not responsible.  Isn’t that some shyt?  And you will find that in the very tiny writing at the bottom of the contract.

 

I gave you an analogy on the business level.  But just as I gave you that example, they play hard ball like that with taking advantage of anyone they feel they can come up on, they always have money, the lateset gadget, nice car, but it is always with someone’s money they scammed.  Rather that be to pay a car note, shopping, and clothes.  And what the Snake Charmer doesn’t do is make you promises.  Because they already know they will not keep them with you so they charm you, make you feel good when they are around you.  They give to you, but they get more of what they want from you no matter what it is.  Watch out!

 

The “Closers” every good sales, advertising, marketing company wants to have.  Closers are the ones that you may see an ad in the newspaper.  “Looking for closers” And if you read further in the ad.  Some may say “references required” For you see these companies are serious they need some hard hitting professionals to have their best interest at heart.  That will get the job done and make the money.

 

Now the closers are good to have on your team as friends because they indeed know how to get the job done.  But most closers do not have too much of a heart.  They have one track minds, and that is to get in and get out with a quickness.  You see they have no time to repeat themselves over and over.  They have a goal in mind, and that goal is to get what you have.  And some people really have a high admiration for these type.  But when I see closers I see heartless in some of them at times.  Because they are so damn selfish with their acts.  And their hardcore approach with certain matters can leave one making them feel empty.  But a real good closer can make you feel good.

 

I was at a seminar and there was a man there by the name of Owen Gallerger.  Owen is not a attractive man by no means.  And he also being short in stature made him feel he had to prove himself.  Now Owen is very good at what he does.  He is the type of closer that plays the empathy roll but really has none for whomever he is dealing with. He only does it to make the person he is working over feel good about the decision he is leading them to.  I have seen this man tell someone of what he does for a living and then pull out papers in a matter of fifteen sometimes twenty minutes signing on a dotted line.  And they have no idea that they have been had and hoodwinked by a professional closer.

 

Closers in relationships, or when it comes to getting sex from someone will say all the right things for you to feel absolutely splendiferous! You are so caught up in the words you don’t realize that you just signed on the dotted line.  Be careful of the hardcore sales of a closer, you may not really know what you are getting yourself into.  And very well could be taken on a wild ride never knowing the outcome.

 

Snake Oil is the most hardcore of them all.  Because the Snake Oilers are dirty with their bullshyt, and I mean real dirty.  I will give you some historical Snake Oilers from history.  Did not the Mexicans own ....California....?  So how did the white man come in and buy up their land?  How did the Indians lose their land?  Did not the pale faces come in and gave them some fire water?  And then their land was now the pale faces land.  And they were also slaves on their on land. 

 

Snake Oilers shyt is so together. Well let me say the appearance of them. They front and perpetrate to the biggest fraud.  They appear to have it all, it all, been everywhere and can give you anything you want. And they have absolutely nothing.  Snake Oilers are the Snake Charmers and Closers all in one.  But they work much harder because their shyt really isn’t together at all.  They live the raggediess lives.  We have all met them or know some of them.  They always need a place to stay.  They are nomads because they mess so many people over.  They are users of the worse kind.  Always looking over their shoulders and watching their back because of the entire calamity that they leave behind them.

 

Let me give you a better scenario.  There was a man that was trying to get at a rich investor.  This is a true story, please keep this in mind.  He knew that the man was a very shrewd business man and did not invest his monies with a lot of business ventures.  However this man wanted his money.  So what he did was made sure that he was at all the places that this rich man was.  He would place himself where he could ear hustle on the mans conversation.  So now he had some ammunition to come at this rich man the proper way.  He also paid attention to his business associates and their conversation and their relationship with the rich man.

 

Well the Snake Oiler had managed (of course) to be at the right place at the right time.  Just so happening having a solution to a way to invest their money and get a high return.  He came up with deeds to land, previous contracts of other investors that had invested in his business and yielded very high returns.  There were also the print outs of how well he did with stocks, he had business references.  His shyt was tight!  There were no leaks in his spill. 

 

Of course they were all impressed. And had no idea that this man was on the run that he was staying in cheap motels. And that when he had invited them all to his hotel room and were wined and dined.  They had no idea that he had gotten the room for just that night.  And that the bill they were creating from him fronting was going to be paid by all those heady rich business men.  Well they of course saw that this was better than gold!  They all invested, were given fake documents, contracts and receipts.  And he had even given them a fake name.  As soon as they all gave him a cashier’s check, he couldn’t wait to get to the bank to cash it.  And he was gone that same day.  Three days later, all the men felt stupid and were angry.  Of course reporting him to the authorities.  But it was all too late!  The man was disguised, spoke with an accent, and was doing this shyt for years.  

 

Now the other flip-side of a Snake oilers will always give you a sad sob story to lure you in to them.  Making one feel so sorry for them.  They tell you what their goals and plans are for the future. Making them seem bigger than life.  How they had it all and a job, person, family got in their way.  And you of course fall for it.  By the third week you feel had, if it takes that long.  Because a Snake Oiler can not hide his true identity for too long.  He/she is a user, manipulator and on the highest echelon of the buklshyters.

 

So let me ask you something?  Do you feel as if I ran bullshyt on you?

 

 

Gotta go, (smh)

 

Signing off,

Dangerous Dan

5/2009

HUGE Discount at Beyondword.com

 

PIMP CHRONICLES 101…..THE YOUNG, THE OLD, AND THE TIREDLY RESTLESS

 

 

I remember when I was young.  I had these wide eyes open to the world.  There was nothing that I would not do.  I did I guess what all young teens do.  Ditch school; steal stupid shyt from out of the stores, drink.  There was a lot of peer pressure to be accepted to be in the in crowd I wanted to hang with. Whatever they had up their sleeves I was down.  But I was the scariest of the crew.  I did just about any wild thing a precocious young male could do.  But I did draw the line on some things.  I didn’t believe in hurting anyone, some of the boys I ran with were out there.  They pulled trains on young girls, they sometimes raped girls that didn’t want them sexually, and they would hit someone across the head if they would not give up their personal belongings.  This is when I had decided being popular was no longer of importance to me.

 

When I got to college I experimented with a few drugs.  Marijuana being my first drug of choice and when caffeine did not work I did uppers.  Snorting coke, drinking alcohol and having wild sex was on my list too.  Then as it got closer to me graduating school, I stopped doing a lot of things. How could I really be a great teacher (that is what I wanted to do at first) and tell my young wide eyed students not to do drugs?  I saw a lot of my fellow classmates flunk out of school, and some are now hooked severely on drugs. 

 

And it was when I really focused on more of the science of how the brain works is when I truly decided that I wanted to teach and mold the mind of the young.  I saw myself speaking to crowds of people and trying to be a good example.  And at the same time be gully and gritty with realism and hardcore common sense justice. Feel me? I truly dig what I do. 

 

So I stayed in school, buckled down and continued on the journey of learning, improving and still keeping and ear to the street and the people who were lost up in the street.  Now when I say streets that just doesn’t mean the inner city streets all the time.  No! By no means. I am speaking of those in the hood, and the ghettos of all races and cultures from the poor, to the barely have, to the have, to the more than have.  To the have more and then some more on top of all of that.  Did you get that?  I am sure you did.

 

And so as I learned more and more from people and from being in school.  I craved to learn and be more than just a high school counselor.  I wanted more, my masters and then my PHD in Psychology and my minor in Science.  I was fascinated of how sick of a person Freud was and at the same time baffled by his knowledge.  The straight forwardness of Pavlov, he was another sick off the rector scale.  To study the science of criminals, murderers, and all sorts of sick twisted minds and geniuses.  It was baffling!  But this is when I started to grow, and though I am not completely grown, nor am I completed in wisdom or knowledge.  But I do know when to be open, learn, it never stops!  You grow and learn daily I don’t care what type of degree you have.

 

Everybody ain’t old, and everybody ain’t grown…know this and know it to be true.  You have some people who never left the party life.  You saw him, the “old” dude as you see it.  He is at the bar, the club.  And you are wondering why is he in here?  Every race, culture and nationality has them.  No one is excluded, here you are. In your twenties and thirties and you see some old dude in a lounge wanting to talk to all the young girls.  Some say trick, sugar daddy, all races and cultures have their own slang for it.  There is even an older woman that picks up younger men.  They call those cougars, hmmm….

 

These are the people some may take advantage of.  Take their money; use them for sex or for small favors, all sorts of gifts and materialistic items.  And you have met and seen some of those people. We all have come across their paths.

 

You have also been around some people that are just plain worn out by the life they have lead and still leading.  Those worn out because they are talking and doing the same thing.  We all could say they are the “tired”.

 

And then there are the ones who can never be still.  They can not be alone; they are always in the mix of something. When they sleep it is for short periods of time.  And they are up scheming and plotting what they will get into for the day.  We shall call them the “restless”

 

I will be honest I can be around an older woman that is sexy and sultry.  She still got her shyt together.  And I am sure there are some younger women that see and feel the same way about some older men.  Gotta be, because it is just not the celebrities that date and marry younger women. 

 

However, there does come a time when we all need to wake and smell the coffee, hear the rooster, see the sun, and go to bed with the moon.  And so my friends I shall keep this sermon more in gutter mold.  No fancy words today, because this is how I feel today.

 

Now I am leery of a few things in this life.  But I can not let those run me and get over on me.  I will start with the restless people, the ones who are always in the middle of something, always with somebody, always somewhere or about to go somewhere.  And if they can not keep still, and act as if they are little kids.  I am thinking what drug are you on?  Or are you on something that stimulates you so that you cannot keep still? 

 

Why can you not be still to learn yourself or what your next move in life will be? These people are not leaders they are followers, they live the true party life.  And you have restless people in all ages.  One would think that when you get older and so-called mature you learn to be still, rest, see life in a different light.  These people make me nervous.  And when they come in my presence I dismiss myself.  They do not have to go anywhere. They are succubus of the worse kind.

 

It is also the young that have the heart, mind and soul of an old person.  And may even have their same characteristics.  I am not speaking of the wisdom and knowledge they may share. I am speaking more in regards to what we see some older people do.  Sleep a lot, some are stubborn, loners, and nit-pick, don’t go anywhere.  And they always seem to have something negative to say. How can the young be so old?  Why do they pull themselves away from life?  Why do they hold grudges for small things and hold so much hate in their hearts?  Some of these people that are young will continue to grow old and not experience the beauty life really has to offer.  I am not saying that they do not go anywhere nor have boyfriends/girlfriends.  They are just so leery of life and the people that dwell in it.  I can understand their concern; I have felt that way many times in my lifetime.  And these are those that need plenty of love and must learn to be patient and not so judgmental.  Feeling that the world is cruel and harsh all the time. 

 

It is hard I know, but when you come across these people.  Just be sure to show them genuine love and concern, give them what they need for the season that they are around you.  Because they are so harsh in their theory of life, some or them stay in your life for a very short time. And some may be around for longer than what you actually expect.  What I have come to notice that these people can not attach for too long a period.  If they are family, well that is another story. They will be around for awhile.  And though it may try your patience.  Take your deep breaths and keep it moving.  Please.

 

See in my world and my opinion, because this is what it truly is when dealing with the restless, the young, the old and tired is thus; when you are dealing with the same thing over and over and you see no changes in the situation or the person.  That shyt is now old. When dealing with a person or situation that that seems to stay the same, and no one can truly see the light or error in their ways.  Then it becomes tired.  When you are beginning to be dysfunctional and unhappy with yourself, others and situations you become tired.  And this is when you are restless.  You can’t seem to grasp on to anything positive because you want so much more in life and what you know you are capable of doing with yourself. You know better. 

 

We all can be restless, tired, young and old at heart.  The difference is that we have to make those changes so that we do not fall in the same category of people that have been in our cipher or circle of life.  Who wants to be the exact thing that you come to loathe in others?  We must make ourselves aware when we slip into these comas.  Though we may not be able to change other people and their ways or their situations.  We are able to look in the mirror, be still, stop, and pay attention to what it is that we do and how we respond to certain matters. Sometimes change is hard, but it can never be hard if you are open to the experience of becoming a better person.  I know trust and believe I do.  Because I have been all the above, and I am working on me daily.  It is hard at times to accept the negative things about me that I felt were working on my behalf.  So I decided to flip the game.  I will be young at heart, but I will not do foolish things that the young sometimes do.  I will not grow older and act as some older people do by being stubborn and negative because I have gotten older and feel I have the right to act in such a way.  I will make sure that I can be still and not always on the go so much where I can not grow.  And this one at times is hard for me, not that I party all the time.  But my career has me going all the time.  And when I sit still I am on the look out for something to do.  I gotta rest and revaluate my time.

 

Hey I was preaching to the choir on this one. 

 

Signing off,

Dangerous Dan

 

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

5/2009

 

SkyMall, Inc.

PIMP CHRONICLES 101……THE HELPFUL AND THOSE WHO DON’T WANT HELP……WHICH ARE YOU?

 

I am behooved at the many people that need assistance with so many things in this life.  Especially with the economy being the way it is at this present state.  People loosing their homes, can’t sell their homes, losing jobs, can’t eat, some taking their lives and their families lives because they feel they can not handle life anymore.  It is a sad state that we are in.  And my heart bleeds at the many difficulties we all have in common.  I wish that I were able to take and lend a helping hand with so many of the crisis we are in. Provide homes and food would be on the top of my list.  I too know what it is like to be homeless and hungry.

 

Today’s sermon, if I can be so frank to say it that way.  Is for those who are extremely helpful and down to the ones that are just helpful with the small things that we may need assistance of.  And then of course those who need help and are stubborn, prideful, or just plain stupid!  I really do hate to use that word.  As a professor it is not politically correct to call anyone stupid.  But the thesaurus does have another word, obtuse; which does mean unintelligent.  Should I just use that word instead and not be so cruel?  Either way it still all means the same thing.

 

I have had many come to me for HELP about so many things.  And once getting the information some of them do absolutely nothing!  And this is a waste of ones time and energy.  And this can be discouraging when you have to make phone calls or research information to give that person.  This is the kicker and the downer. 

 

And then there are the ones that always, with a mad persistence call and lean on you for help when things are really on the outs for them.  They need saving and want your help.  And when you come to the rescue, they utilize the help.  But all you are doing is just providing a temporary safe haven.  Because what they end up doing is going right back to the problem, issue, situation, or even person.  These are the ones that I have no tolerance for at all.  When these types come my way, and I notice that it is the same problem more than twice.  They are immediately eliminated!  I have nothing else to assist them with.  How can I help?  They did not accept my help the first two times with the same problem.  Some people would like to use you as their temporary fix, and that is not good at all.  These are the ones that consistently cry wolf, and will keep crying wolf and wear you out with them. 

 

Of course I have examples for you to “show light” My first case and point is a young lady that I had gotten very close to.  Very funny and we had tons of laughs and great conversation. She was always eager to listen and learn from what I had to say.  And as I have said before, people can teach you two things (all people) what to do and what not to do.  I learned a lot from her too.

 

I will call her “Melody”   Melody was in a very abusive relationship with another young lady.  I will not go into the depth of the relationship they had with each other.  That is entirely too much energy and will take too much time.  Melody indiscreetly (or so she thought) would give me scenarios of her girlfriend and how she acted and the things she said.  I would respond, telling her exactly what she wanted to hear.  Which was the truth as she also knew it to be.  Melody’s answer would always be, “That’s what I thought.” Melody at times played the “dumb” role however she was a very bright girl. 

 

Melody tried for a long time to actually keep me out of her personal relationship and not burden me with the negative details.  But it got so bad that she eventually had to open up and tell me what was going on with her and her girlfriend.  She cried, she was confused and wanted to move on and out of her girlfriend’s house. 

 

I recall a time we all went out to have drinks and dinner, and it seemed from nowhere her girlfriend went on a tan gem and started cursing her out. Now Melody was very embarrassed, and I was embarrassed for her.  I said nothing to her about the situation.  However, when things got rough that night and Melody asked if she could come to my house and stay there with me until she moved into her apartment.  I agreed, however she came over and left within an hour.  She did this twice, running from her girlfriend and wanted me to help her.  I stopped after the second time.  I cannot help anyone who really does not want help.  And can you or anyone else help anyone who is in this same situation?  No you can’t. So when Melody came to speak to me, text me, or called me saying that she was coming over to stay at my place.  I quickly changed the subject.  And I ignored her.  Some may say that is cruel or mean!  Heavens no!  Because guess what?  The perplexity of her situation did not at one time result in Melody leaving a highly dysfunctional relationship that stressed her out in everything that she did.  From waking up, going to school, work, and going back home.  She wanted no help.  And she never came over to my house after all the times she said she was coming over.

 

A student of mine was failing miserably in my class.  I had pulled him to the side once to counsel with him because I knew that it had to be something deeper going on with him.  When you have a lot of shyt going on in your life it always seems to poach over.  And for some they are not able to leave the issues of that problem where it should stay.  And that is not bringing it to school, work, families home, or when hanging out with friends. Don’t get me wrong, there is a time and place for everything.  And there are times when it is apropos to discuss what troubles us with family and friends.  Then there are those times when you have to be a soldier, as harsh as it may seem to you.  And you have to apply yourself to the task at hand, i.e. work, school etc.

 

My student had let his problems consume his grades.  When I spoke to him he told me that he was working on things so that he could focus more on school and not fail any classes.  I was satisfied with his answer, I had no other choice.  But then he started missing my class and was now cutting classes. This was now a major cry out for help.  This issue or problem that my student was having was something he was unable to handle.  I sought him out and we had a real one on one and what was agonizing him so deeply.  There were issues with finances, so I offered to find him a job. He needed some tutoring, so I found him a sharp person to assist him for free three times a week.

 

My class tends to attract the echelon of very bright intuitive straight-A students.  And my troubled student felt that he was not on that level and he was.  He had lost his self-esteem by consistently comparing himself to the others in class.  This was the wrong thing to do. In fact he had no idea that when he began the class he was the student that I admired the most and whose work was at the top of the class.  See what perception can do to you?  He knew he was on a lower level, and his essays were incredible!

 

So I helped him in rebooting his self-esteem.  He took the help with the job, but declined the tutoring which he really didn’t need.  He got caught up in his negative relationships and failed out of school.  He turned down the counseling sessions I had offered him.  And when he refused my help in this area more than once I stepped back. 

My mother is a huge enabler, she always wants to help people who do not want her help and would always ask why they did not accept it.  And why would no one want to come to her when she was always willing and able to help others. The thing my mother did not see was that she was too helpful, she over extended herself to others.  And when she felt that someone needed her help, some people actually didn’t want or need her assistance.  My mother growing up hardly if ever received any help from anyone when it came to doing almost anything constructive.  She had to feel things out on her own through trial and error.  Of course she found out later on how to research and get information to get what she wanted and needed.  So much in fact that my mother taught herself to do so many different things, and mastered quite a few.  Now the bad thing about my mother offering her help to so many most times worked for her.  But there was one thing my mom did not get, and that was she forced herself on people who did not want her help.  And this led to her helping others who used her up.  And this is what hurt her so much because her intentions were genuine.

 

Now here comes the lesson.  There is what I call a time to give and a time to receive.  There are people in this life who you will want to help because your heart goes out to them.  And you may have gone through what they have gone through and you feel you have the formula to get them out of that hole that they are in.  Be careful of that because you may be fooled.  You have a sixth sense within side of you that will warn you if this is the person to help.  Follow that first mind do not help someone if you get a warning not to help.  Remember you cannot fix or help everyone that is in need. Or you will be exactly like my mother.  Some people unfortunately who really do need your help will take advantage of you and not see the big picture as you do.  And you will be left feeling sad and abused, hurt by how it all went down. 

 

There is also a time when you are offered help that you really need.  Do not let pride get the best of you because you are in a down and out moment in your life.  Because you once owned the mansion and the yacht, and you had a job, drove a car, wore the best.  Receive the help if it is done with earnest intentions.  Someone who is helping you where you get the feeling that you may have to give something back to them for the help that they have given you.  Then do not take it!  I employ you not to!  Because these are the selfish fukn helpers that do not have your best interest in mind. And don’t feel bad if you need help, come on! We all need help at some point and time in our lives.  Rather that is food, money, a place to stay, advice, job, clothes. Whatever it may be, there is no reason to feel shamed of that.  Hell there are times when I need help. When I need someone to listen, counsel me, pull me back into my place.  Sometimes I am too helpful with running my mouth feeling as if I have the answer to everything.  I got that from my mother which is why I got into the field that I am in present day.

 

“Mike” is a man that had a relationship with a woman that allowed them to see other people.  However Mike was helping this lady too much.  He cleaned her house up, cooked for her, purchased groceries for her as well. Now it was appreciated when he did come through for her.  Taking her where she needed to go until she had gotten a new car.  But then Mike was feeling used.  He would go to bring groceries to her house and see a man sitting there on the couch, wondering if this man was eating all the food he had bought.  When he cleaned her house, (which I do not know why) he would seem to find evidence of other men being there. Why would this bother him when he knew that she was seeing other guys?  Just as he was seeing other women.  He over extended himself with her son, even helped her family, he considered her to be a great friend with benefits.  But he was enabling her and getting used.  So in all actuality, he was not helping her.

 

We have got to understand, once again.  You can not help every fukn body!  And you have to learn to accept the help of those when you are in need. And not to place yourself in the routine of enabling someone to become co-dependent from your generosity and then feel used. Some people you help out for a short time and then pull yourself from out of the relationship to help you.  You must help yourself, and that is mostly what this sermon is about people.  Helping yourself, when you sew a good seed in buying lunch, maybe paying a friends bill because their lights are going to be cut off soon. Take someone to work, give them a shoulder to cry on. You indeed assist and help yourself so that when you are in need you to can receive the help.  I do really hope that you can comprehend what I have said today. 

 

Please understand I am not saying not to help or be helped.  But we must all know the difference here people.  Wake up, and really know what it is to be helpful and helpless.  And those who help the ones that do not need your help.

 

Signing off,

Dangerous Dan

 

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

5/2009

PIMP CHRONICLES 101.……..WHEN IS IT A GOOD TIME TO WALK AWAY?…CAN YOU?

 I am sitting here very relaxed and in tuned with myself, I have to do this often.  When you place yourself in the capacity as I have by teaching, preaching and reaching, you must make me time.  So as I am in my hotel room overlooking Lake Shore Dr. in Chicago. I am at peace with life and the many things I have seen and learned in my life, thus so far I should say.

 

I have been in many situations personally that have had me in the precarious of situations, wondering what I should do.  And in some of those situations it has been excruciatingly hard for me to let go. So I know from which I speak.

 

Some of us, and you know I hate to be in the position of categorizing, but so many times I have to do it because it is an example. Plus the many people that I have assisted and counseled in my life.  So I come to you being forth right and true. When do you actually get the courage to get up and out of a detrimental situation?

 

Some situations are so much easier to get out of then others.  It seems the more personal the situation is, the harder it is to excavate the situation. Example: I have a business associate whom I have been knowing for several years.  And from the day I met “Paul” he told me that he would no longer be working at the age of forty-five.  He was going to retire, and he and his wife were going to live off the fruit of their labor.  Well, the man has been saying this since he was at the ripe young age of twenty-one.  He saved his money in savings accounts, learned how to invest his money, play the stock market, and also branched off in money marketing CD’s and real estate.  Well, about five years ago he became business partners with a very close friend of his since they were six years old.  Now Paul’s best friend had become very dependent and co-dependent upon Paul because he took the business and made it extremely lucrative. But here was Paul stressing, can’t sleep, irritable, and walking around with a nervous stomach.  All because he was scared to tell his best friend that he was going to retire.  Which was something that his best friend knew for the longest time.  Paul’s wife was now going through it because it had become stressful for her.  And they have an almost perfect marriage, well within reasons.  It was when she called me I knew she had reached her ultimate because she is not the type of person to bring others in her private life. So I knew things were out of hand.  And this is when I gave Paul a call to talk to him.  I knew he would eventually get around to telling me what was wrong, and he did.  My heart went out to him, because he was truly hurting inside that he had to leave his best friend to take care of the business by himself.  He wanted no monies, he wanted no profits, he was giving it all to his best friend. 

 

Paul was so distressed that he was not able to speak to his dearest friend about his  impending retirement. Hell Paul and his wife were leaving in three days to go on a two week cruise.  They were going to start off with a bang, neither of them had been on a vacation in years. 

 

Of course you see where I am going with this. How do you walk away when you are so emotionally attached to someone?  How can one do this? Is it easier to walk away when you are not emotionally attached?

 

My neighbor is a very gentle older woman, and it seems that some senor citizens when they get older  get ornery and stubborn.  But still she is very sweet, I love her, and I mean this when I say this.  Because Mrs.  Simpson is bold and direct like myself, then on the other hand she is the most giving woman I have ever met.  Mrs. Simpson has worked hard to reach this echelon in her life.  And she refused to have anyone try and take advantage of her.  This was not going to happen!  Well, the owners association had seemed to be riding her profusely about the changes that she had made on the property.  Now the improvements she had made were very nice, and in my opinion it did wonders for the property.  However, I knew that there were people that were jealous of what she had done and had went to the home owners association and reported it.  Well of course this upset Mrs. Simpson, she was very angry that this situation had transpired.  Plus the older lady next door Mrs. Collier was very jealous of her, and she constantly called and bothered Mrs. Simpson threatening her she would report her. 

 

After about six months of the bullshyt Mrs. Simpson was asked to either put everything originally the way it was outside in front and in back of her condo.  She was also told if she did not do it she would have to move.  Mrs. Simpson of course was livid by all this mess and was not going to change anything!  Why?  Her improvements were to the landscaping, which made her place stand out more than others.  And her condo did not blend in with the rest.  And no she did not get permission from the association. 

 

This haggling and going back and forth went on for seven months.  In the end it turned out that Mrs. Simpson was broke and living on a fixed income.  And she took pride in the condo.  It was also found out that the condo she was living in was of her favorite nephew.  This of course got him into trouble with the association and made an even bigger mess! Because now people wanted Mrs. Simpson to leave because they said “she is very mean and disrespectful” I saw none of that, they turned this woman into a monster!  My heart bled for her because though she may have been stubborn at times and directly blunt when needed.  She did anything for her neighbors and I. 

What ended up happening was the property had to be turned back to its original state.  Which cost Mrs. Simpson a nice penny, she showed me the receipts as tears would fall from her eyes.  I would see Mrs. Collier come outside and watch the landscapers dig up all those beautiful bushes, flowers, stones, the bird bath, trellis, so much they had to remove.  It took them a week to make it look humdrum as it was before.  My condo here was just an investment property, I wasn’t there as much.  Only when I  felt I needed some solace, or had a date come over. 

 

After all was said and done and everything was back to “normal” Mrs. Simpson was angry and hurt that it had gotten to that point.  I was talking to the mailman, he always seemed to make me laugh no matter what.  He had stated that he thought he was on the wrong street because he always enjoyed seeing Mrs. Simpson’s garden out front.  Now at this time Mrs. Simpson was outside speaking to Mrs. Collier.  The conversation had gotten out of hand where they were both yelling at one another.  They were yelling and swearing to each other, and I had never ever heard Mrs. Simpson use profane language.  However she was calling Mrs. Collier every bytch she could.  And Mrs. Collier had reached down and grabbed a handful of dirt and threw in in Mrs. Simpson’s face!  As I ran over to stop the fight, Mrs. Simpson fell to the ground, dead.

 

Of course me being me and who I was took the chance to tell Mrs. Collier how evil and jealous she was, all out of anger. Mrs. Simpson was just like a mother to me, always there for me, encouraging me.  And there were times I laid my head on her lap and cried.  And this was all because she had stirred shyt with the other owners in the subdivision.  No one thought of it that serious until Mrs. Collier felt that someone needed to say something about how Mrs. Simpson was breaking the rules. 

 

The lady who I had considered a mother was now dead, heart attack! And here was Mrs. Collier still living and when it was all said and done everyone that rallied with Mrs. Collier over this minor infraction felt truly bad and silly.  And the home owners association felt really bad and were scared.  Of course there was a lawsuit by her nephew, he sued Mrs. Collier and all those involved with the home owners association.  He placed a lean on Mrs. Colliers property and other live assets.  While Mrs. Collier turned into a hermit, she was found dead in her condo seven months later.

 

So I ask you again, when should you walk away? Two examples I have given you.  Let’s investigate the situation here, Could Mrs. Collier have let this go? Was what Mrs. Simpson doing to her property that bad and unappealing?  No.  And I say this not because she was like a mother to me.  But because she did a great job and she was always getting compliments.  In all actuality, the home owners association had no problems with what she had done, no one had told her to remove all the beauty she had planted and built.  However with Mrs. Collier’s investigating and complaining that she had to get permission to plant anything, paint, or remove a bush or a tree.  She knew the persona of Mrs. Simpson, so she felt she would make an example of her and a huge fuss.

 

Bottom line, two lives were lost, people felt bad, and for some beautiful improvements to her nephews condo which he had approved of led to a wrongful death of a very sweet person who did a lot for the people in our community. 

 

Not all battles are worth it…Do you know how many times I have walked away from dumb shyt to keep the peace?  Not all the time do I have to flex my fukn skills! As many times as people have hated on me, pushed me, threatened me, and even harassed me. I am not excluded from bullshyt!  So it at those times I walk away and do not feel the need to feed into the dumb shyt people have thrown in my path.  I have been tempted many times to let the small things get under my skin.

 

Now the emotional attachment is a whole other story.  I understand it is very hard to walk away from loved ones and situations where your emotions (feelings) are deeply involved.  Such as the example given of my business associate.  But let us take a look of what he was taking his wife and his self through.  He was physically making himself ill and uncomfortable because it was hurting him to walk away from his friend who had come to rely and depend on him for so much.  Though he knew his best friend was capable of running the business on his own. He kept recalling the times that he was told “what would I do without you.”  Paul was everything in that business.  However he had to do what he had to do.  Forty-five was a week away, and that two week cruise was looming over his head. 

 

And there are so many examples I could give. A marriage, a relationship, a friendship.  I know emotions are a mutha fucka!  I have them, however it is a good time, the best time, the real time to walk away when your mental is wearing you out and worrying your nerves constantly!  You have to go, you must leave.  This then begins the courtship of you now bringing other bodily danger to your being.  Your health, your health is important to you. It keeps you on this earth to see at least one more day.  Mental stress will wear on the physical.  And for some of us it is headaches, back aches,  body aches, We can not eat, or we eat too much.  This is not good for ones being.  Your personal and most detriment is your emotions.  They are spastic and all over the place!  You can not tell if you are coming are going.  Your emotions play the big key in your life.  They wear all of the above out, health, physical well being, and last but not lease.  They wear on your mental.  This can not be good, it is not good.  All this confusion because you are accepting and allowing others to take you through mad proportions of this pain.  This is when you MUST walk away. 

 

I do understand that some have more courage than others.  And for some it is easier than others, but what is important to you?  Do you love you?  Do you care about you?  Are you your own best friend?  See I am so close and upfront personal with my shyt, real talk! I am upfront like handicap parking at the front door!  If you are wearing on me you must go!  I just employ that if you are in a situation where these things are wearing you out, I encourage you.  This is the time to walk away. You can do it, you must try, the reality of the situation is very clear.  Your health and well-being are at stake!

 

My associate Paul went through it, and he went through out for six months.  And when he sat down finally to tell his best friend. He was receptive, Paul put all the negative vibes out there, and the un-needed worry.  Of course his friend was hurt, but the writing was on the wall, how could anyone not know it was not going to happen?  Paul spoke of it all the time as each year passed, and the plans he had made for his future.  He was retiring.

 

Two women might still be living had they not just been able to walk away.  Was it that serious? Do we feel the need to put some paint where it ain’t to make a point?  Naw, this is not what one should do.  Hell, I am far from perfect. If you ask me I would rule this world in perfect bliss, every man and woman would have a mansion and a yacht! But this ain’t my show, not the world.  So I sit back read, teach, study to show myself approved.  To be real and cut the phony shyt.

 

I do care, I do love, I do feel.  And at times I have to pull courage, hope and faith to walk away.  And there are times when someone is edging me on, and I do want to spit some fire in the flame.  However, I shall not give that power over. My mouth cannot and should not always have something to say in retribution.  I understand it all now. 

 

So right now, this exact moment.  I am going to get up and just walk away.

 

Dangerous Dan

 

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

5/2009

PIMP CHRONICLES 101.…..THE MENTALLY CHALLENGED


I am always humored by those who just do not get it, you know the ones who seem to walk in the clouds all the time.  Remember Three’s Company?  I believe they still play out on cable and satellite.  But when I was a young man I watched this TV show.  Remember Crissy?  (that is if you know what show I am speaking of, or have even seen it) She was the epitome of what they labeled “the dumb blonde”  played by Suzzane Summers.  There were times that I would watch this show and say, “Damn this woman is fukn dingy as hell!” 

 

Imagine meeting the dimwits and Crissy’s of this world.  And then go deeper into the whelm and let’s speak on those who “play stupid” And act as if they do not understand what you have said to them.  Either way, this is some eclectic type shyt that will get on your nerves.  And these are the people that really are sharp and intelligent! Well, let me say most.  Because even though Marilyn Monroe was a “dumb blonde” When people close to her were interviewed, they said she was a very intelligent and sharp woman. 

 

One of my students was truly a Crissy in every way! She was as smart as Einstein, however you could say something simple.  Or ask her to do something simple.  And she would not do it right, or understand the instructions.  This was something that was comical at first, then stared to get slightly irritating.  At first I thought she was playing, being a tease.  But this was who she was, a stone cold Marilyn Monroe, or should I say the role she played.  She was a very spirited girl, popular with many men who ran up behind her.  And a lot of the girls she hung out with were just as popular.  I called them all “The Legally Blonde Crew” They were comical, fun, plain stupid at times and things went over their heads.

 

I also have a personal issue with those who understand what you have told and explained to them.  And just as a parent does, or most should I say. They tend to repeat themselves twice, the third time they tell their child something.  They are slightly agitated.  Assuming that their child didn’t hear the first time.  They say it a second time.  When the third time comes along.  There may be a raising of the parents voice. 

 

Well for those who can relate.  Been in the position of the child or the parent.  You know what each end of the stick feels like.  The man/woman that I have to persistently and consistently repeat myself over and over to will most likely be the person that I will not trust.  Why you ask?  Well, let’s start with respect, out of respect comes many things.  When you go over to ones house you are suppose to respect their rules.  You shouldn’t leave a mess, clean up behind yourself.  Ask for what you may want.  Why would you do that anyways?  This is not your home. You respect if they do not smoke in their home, if they do not drink in their home, or if they may want you to remove your shoes before you walk in.  This is the same when you enter a persons car as a passenger. You respect their car. You respect those you love by not doing the things that would hurt them or upset them in anyway.  You do the same in a marriage, family and friends.  Don’t you? I mean we know how far we should go with someone in our lives because most times when in this position.  Our friends (family, spouses, significant others) will tell us so.  And that is the great thing of getting to know someone, we share our deepest and most intimate secrets.  This is where we set the perimeters in our rapport with one another.  This is where you start your trust, see when people respect you, and mean what they say. And say what they mean to you.  You slowly begin to open up the trust aqua ducts. Makes sense?  Sure it does, most of us have a certain amount of trust when we first meet people.  However, when someone does something to disrespect you. You begin to think differently, you begin to wonder if you can really trust this person.

 

Most of us experience this in our relationships with those who are close to us.  Our feelings can get easily bruised and hurt severely which can stress us out. If you tell someone that you do not like to be yelled at when they are expressing themselves because of some past journey that you have been through.  That’s when you are yelled at it brings back bad memories.  That you feel as if you are a child and not an adult.  And this person continues to belittle you at every chance they get.  Then yes, they have committed the gravest sin unto you.  Do you trust them?  No! you are in fear that they will continue to do this.  Now you being the person that you are, you have said it once, said it again the second time just in case.  Now a third, fourth and fifth time this continues to happen.

 

This is a person unlike “The legally blond” type.  They understand what you have said, but this to me is a form of the mentally challenged!  They do not get it!  They do not want to get it!  They do not want to respect you, they do not care, they have no feelings for what you have gone through.

 

The mentally challenged are people who seem to leave the earth and go on some out of space tan gem.  You can talk, explain, go over things multiple times, but they do not get what the fuk you are speaking about. How do we continue to be around these sort of people and deal with their short attention spans?  For the people who you love or care for must repeat yourself to constantly? And  must they keep on disrespecting you?  Is this?  Could this be a form of ADD ( attention deficit disorder) ?  I am making  a silly joke here, no pun to those who suffer from this decease.   Because when you think you are a grown person, ( some are really not no matter what age) you do not act as such. 

 

Some people who are mentally challenged, such as they are the extreme smart and intelligent ones.  But they act as if they are in another space and place and time.  You can deal with it because they will eventually get what you are saying.  And it may be “challenging” to you at times. But some of those people respect you, they do not cross the lines with you. 

 

Some mentally challenged people whose main purpose in life is to agitate you because there are some mental issues they posses.  These are those who deserve none of your time or your respect.  Why do you have to sound like a damn parrot?  Why must you repeat yourself over and over again?  Why must you get so flabbergasted that you have no idea of which way to go with this person?  Life has it challenges already.  In this life you are indeed guaranteed  trials and tribulations.  And I am speaking of  the unforeseen things in life that happen and you have no control over.  Must we compile being around and allowing the mentally challenged to continue to ignore our pleas?

 

I will admit I have had my “blond moments” here and there. But I fight hard not to have anyone distrust me by not hearing or listening to what they have said to me.  Yes sometimes it is an honest mistake, that we forget or slip up at times.  But not when this becomes habitual. 

 

I have learned and un-learned how to deal with the mentally challenged.  Some require that I not deal at all.  Because they are on another planet.  And some I have to deal with when it comes to customer service in various places I must go, or tons of phone calls I must make. 

 

We need to recognize the mentally challenge when they pop up and appear in our lives.  Some mean no harm, and some do mean harm.  Because if we do not get the mentally handicap out of our lives. We then to will become mentally challenge in our lives.  You understand?  Or do I need to keep repeating myself?

 

Dangerous Dan

 

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

5/2009

PIMP CHRONICLES 101.……WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ME AND YOU?


I am now in a very relax euphoric state of mind today. It is a beautiful day, sunny, very breezy. And

even though the sun is playing behind the clouds. It still manages with it’s light to break through and shine.

What I truly love to hate, and hate to love is the differences of the people in this world. If everyone was the same it would be boring, only because we know life as it is now. So we can make that analogy, it’s not hard. There are some people who dress, make love, eat, bathe, clean, cook, shy, aggressive. So many personalities in this world that make it go round and round. And this is what I love about the meeting of new people. It is the other bullshyt I hate. The part of their personality that has a irritating, agitating role. Things they say and do that rock your world.

Sometimes we try so hard to be perfect, so hard to do right. That we actually drive people away. Why you ask? Because that person will now draw an inferiority complex. Feeling they are not enough for you. I was in one of my many counseling sessions with a very dear friend Dr. T. Henderson. As we do a lot. He is a very, very dear and close companion and confident. Please do not think for one second that the wisdom and knowledge I so humbly share with you is just all me! Nooo, in fact I need someone that I can speak with in regards to some of them many plagues life throws my way.

Dr. Henderson came into my life over several years ago. We met on a web seminar, I immediately was attracted to his style of speaking. Not many men speak what is on their heart. You would be surprised. Most want to make sure that they hold some form of decorum. And at this particular seminar, Dr. Henderson let those people have it. Everything I felt and thought, even wanted to say he spoke it in the same manner. My boy! So it was then that we had found out we lived in the same state. We went to a lot of the same seminars, conventions, and we even flew up and hung out with each other. Our vacations are always a blast!

Dr. Henderson was up here for a week to hang back. I was taking a much needed rest from school and travel. So we just to hang out, play some golf, go eat, bond. And hang with a few ladies of course. Hell, I am a man!

I had been noticing some things within myself. It was time to talk, so as we lounged out on the deck in the sun and wonderful breeze. I had begun to relax, relate and release. The things I knew people done so well, well it seemed as if with others it soon came to be their demise. How can one be so perfect to another person, so loved, so adored. And yet that person who has all these warm feelings is now intimidated, feeling that they can never be enough? How can the very things we love and know are different we accept? And then later…..it is the thing we hate.

Dr. Henderson has been telling me this for years. “People say they know what they want. But we really don’t” And the more and more I had investigated it, it was true. I recalled telling you about a woman whom I was in love in. But she had complaints about me, and the things that she loved. She hated, and the things I loved about her I had began to hate. But how did we get here? First of all, “Karen” I will call her. She had a different type of success and name for herself. While what I had done she felt overshadowed her and what she done for a living. And because we could never go anywhere and not see someone I knew,. More than we ran into people she knew. So because she was this classy sophisticated sexy type. She was always on point with her clothes. And I enjoyed wearing jeans and a T-shirt. This bothered her. Because people would see us out like this. But the more and more she complained, the more I started to read in between the lines. She would make smart remarks of my colleagues, the way I dressed, the way I spoke, how direct and blunt I was. But these were the things she loved about me the most!

“When we get what we want. Or what we think we want. We do not know what to do with it. Because here it is. Just what we asked for. And then we run the other way.” And Dr. Henderson was so right in this analogy.

The difference between me and you is that we are different. And why should the things we love about someone so much hurt us in various ways? See people can start to “hate on you” for various reasons. I mean, hell the shyt is not rocket science is it? A shy person with a charming person. Why would the thing he loved the most about his friend be the thing he is jealous of? The main reason he/she was attracted to was something you do, say, act, wear, that they don’t. We attract opposites all the time. And it is a very dangerous thing when you have two people in the same room who are the exact same as you. There would be some comfort, getting along wonderful. However, their grievances, conversations, disagreements…..whoo! That in itself would be something out of control.

I love the movie Casino with Joe Pesi, playing a mob guy. And his wife was hiding some diamonds in her hair. There were some missing, and she was getting excited because he was getting excited. And he slapped her. And found the rest of the diamonds in her hair. Now I am sure their relationship was very aggressive. Like Sharron Stone and Robert Deniro. They argued, they yelled, two people who were both accustomed and use to drama. Too much like each other because they were hustlers and very aggressive. What they both liked in each other. They had began to hate along with other issues of course.

We can attract opposing differences because it’s different, fresh, new, and inviting. I am not here to say that everyone who is opposite or different loves to hate, or even loves to hate. I am speaking of the majority. It goes back to that saying that “What may be good to you. Is not necessarily good for you” But just like there comes a point in time in your life where you may have to take some medication that you can not have in a pill form. And you have to taste the nasty liquid. Well, there are people that we have to experience that have that same nasty medicine tatse. We experience it with our differences, our love to hate yous and hate to love yous.

We as humans are some insecure individuals. And please let know one tell you different. Let the record show that we all over compensate for something we are not, don’t have. A person who is extremely loving could be one who missed out on some love when they grew up. A person who was raped or molested might be extremely sexually active. A person who over eats…you get my meaning.

Life is so elementary when you break it down to it’s most simple application. Everything that is with inside a person, how a person acts, how a person may get jealous of the person they love.

We are at times very afraid of the things that we think we may want. As well as the things we get. Must we make it so complicated? I feel it’s the thrill for some to see how far we are able to push someone’s envelope. And some who push others envelope to the maximum. But are not realizing that they are hurting the persons they love more. Must we rattle ourselves with this identity crisis? Must we total rely on others to save us when we need to be saved? And yet when that savior comes along, why do we run?

The difference is, some can handle things for the long haul. Some have more courage, more love, compassion, understanding that we will never understand. Why didn’t She? Why didn’t he? We judge others and their lives. We are all guilty of this, we all feel we can run someone else’s life. But can not do the same in ours.

Example; you may know someone who bought a home. And let’s say the home was a fixer upper. When you go see it with your friend, everything they show you is horrible within the house. But as they go from room to room, they tell you the potential and what they plan to do. Opening your perception, you begin to see their vision. And you see it! You see the beauty in this beaten down house. As your friend moves in, it seems as if it is taken a long time for them to get it together. But there has been progress, one room at a time they worked on. Now the house has landscaping issues, roofing issues. Basement needs to be fixed into a livable dwelling space. But now as time goes by, you are not seeing as much progress as you once were. Years have passed by, and it still looks like an unlivable dwelling. But your friend is till excited about the home, you don’t see it anymore. You lost the vision, the dream they had when they first showed you and you saw some improvements every time you came around.

Well after several years passed, this is now a joke to you. But one day you come over, and you see the front of the house. And you wonder if you are at the right place… you knock on the door. And yes it is the right place. As you step in, you see a new and different house! The backyard is done, patio looks great with the furniture. The pool is ready for someone to take a cool and refreshing dip. And you are amazed! And you shouldn’t be.

See some people keep the faith and hope for others and situations when we all give up. And we wonder why did you stay in this house? (situation, relationship that may be hectic) For some it works out because they see what they are and mean to the person or situation. And then for some because they are so jaded, they can’t see shyt! They see the things they love to hate. And hate to love. And now there is no room or chance for the situation or relationship could grow. Your insecurities get in the way.

As Dr. Henderson and I sit and have frozen daiquiris. His non-alcoholic, mines with a couple of shots. We spoke about God, faith, love, hope and if we would actually be in the places we so want to be. How he and I were beautiful messes wanting to always lend a hand and help others that we at times don’t have love for ourselves. While Dr. Henderson tends to seek those who need help. I tend to draw those who need help. Either way, we both find it hard to resist assisting others in their plight with life. We have both asked that the plate be placed in front of someone else. But we back up, and we get back in feet first. No matter how tired, we still assist.

And that is the difference between Dr. Henderson and I. His approach to therapy and mine. The difference between someone who sees a vision and love where no one else sees it. And they have the tolerance and patience to see it all the way to the end. I have an abrupt get it together now approach, while my dear friend has to guide, lead, show, and he has loooong patience. I tease him with this all the time. But I love him, I truly do!

What about those who lack the vision of seeing what is truly for them but are so scared? I can go on and on. Now what the difference is between me and you is that we do so many things differently. And we can not hold it fully against someone for what they are and who they are. Either we will have the patience like My dear friend Dr. Henderson. And when it is time to let go knows how. And then you have me, the person who wants you to get it instantly.

I love and enjoy what I do to the fullest. And though my approach and my beautifully made messes that are and live deep within me. Well they make it different. And though I love to hate, and hate to love. I do enjoy the difference between myself and those I meet. Either we accept those differences in others. Let others be them in all their glory. And know that when we are truly attracted to someone it is some of the things that we are not and they make up the other difference. Dr. Henderson teaches me patience and a deeper understanding. His philosophy is deep, and I appreciate that. So we shouldn’t loathe or hate what drew us to the person who was so different from us. We must understand those differences at times and make it better.

And this is the difference..



Signing off,

Dangerous Dan

To a relaxing day with best friend and confident……Relax and release.

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

4/2009


I dedicate this piece to an extraordinary man in my life who seems to see me go through, around, in and out of so much emotional situations. And money is not the answer. And though we all feel it will cure. It is the love, patience, and the gift of life that Troy Henderson gives me. No matter how long it takes, no matter how long we have to talk. I love you! Thank you for being my friend….

Toy High

PIMP CHRONICLES 101.……DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT THE WORD NO MEANS?


AAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I had to literally scream in my office! I am vexed, vexed, and more vexed with no clear understanding with this particular subject. And this one maybe more personal than the other times that I Dangerous Dan has come to you about! When I “normally come at you, I come and speak on topics that are sent to me via email, or my students that I hold class with or counsel bring to me. But not this time! I am venting! And I hope that you do understand my plight.

People, of all races, religions, nationalities & origins. Please listen and H E A R me when I say this. When someone tells you NO, this is what they fukn mean! NO! There is a difference between being persistent when one door is closed and you go to another one and knock. There is a difference when you are following a dream, want a house, a car, a relationship. And one, maybe two, three, four or even several people tell you NO they are not interested. But when someone does not want to play, be your friend, be in a relationship, go out and hang with you, listen to you nag or complain. It is what it is. If they say NO, please respect that.

I will share with you what has been going on with me for the past two weeks. My very best and close friend had been nagging me for a week to go to an art gallery opening. And as I had told her, I have NO time to go. And if I did have time I would not like to go because I have NO interest in the artist himself. Now, let me state this for the record. Your art, your being, your hobbies. They are just that…yours! And that does not mean everyone will feel or enjoy what you bring to the table. Which is a subject that I discussed with you in the art of what compromise truly means. I also spoke and told you that there was a university that did not agree with the way I taught the truth, and how I wanted to speak to the students. So in my motivational speaking. I found that there were other schools that appreciated what I brought to the table. Hey, everyone will not feel me. And that’s fine. However, this artist I didn’t like his work. So what, me one person that I knew of didn’t want to go. But my friend was persistent that I go. NO matter how many ties I told her that I did not want to go! Damn…..

So of course this ended in us having an unnecessary argument over absolutely nothing. When all she had to do was respect the fact that I said NO and didn’t want to go. It is just that simple. And now she is angry with me, and holding a grudge. When all of this could have been eliminated if she would have respected the word NO.

A student came in my office two weeks ago. She was dating a young man in the same class. However, he had done some things that she did not approve of. She, here we go again. Did not want to compromise her morals or set standards. This was not the type of man she could be with. She had spoken with him in a sit down conversation and told him that she NO longer wanted to date him. And that she would like to just remain friends. Weeeeelll, of course, you guessed it. This is not what he wanted. Well, not fully. He was okay with it for just a little while. But then began the harassment of him asking her over and over why she did not want to be with him. She again had another conversation with him. She was really trying to keep a smooth rapport with this young man. They shared my class together. He did not understand that NO she did not want to be in a relationship with him. This in turn began something that turned into a religion with this young man. Where he felt the need to constantly harass her in convincing her to be in a relationship. Now this is getting to where you must be sick in the head! You have an issue, you are being persistent in trying to make someone do what you want! Is this because his ego is being attacked? Or does he have some deep rooted issues? And has this happened before? Hmmmmmmm….

Well, it got so bad that in fact that he was calling, emailing, texting, at every moment that he had got to ask her why she was saying NO to him. That he was not that bad, and she needed to get with him and his program. Wake the fuk up! Come on…..

Again, let’s be clear. I am not speaking of your dreams, schooling, wanting to get a promotion, work, moving, starting a business and trying to get a loan. NO… This is about you asking someone something and them giving you the answer NO. And you do not want to hear the word NO.

When a child is being harassed by another child picking on them. Let’s say two siblings. The little girl keeps telling her brother to leave her alone. She is telling him, “NO I do not want to play, I want to watch TV” But he keeps picking on her, figuring that if he does this she will eventually give in and say, “Okay, I will play with you.” Some do eventually say yes because they grow weak and tired of the constant nagging and harassment. And trust when they do, they are miserable.

Had I gone to this opening with my friend. I would have been irritated, agitated. But it seems as if she would have preferred me to go along with her and be pissed off all night that we were there. And then would come the question, ”What’s wrong with you? Why are you acting this way?” And you already know that I did not want to be here in the first place! Ugh! So there are ramifications when someone tells you NO, and you persist that they do, say, act in what you want. And you wonder why there is an attitude with a coldness in the air. Duh……

When my student came into my office with this dilemma. It had made me aware that I too had been going through the same thing. And that I was quite irritated with the same thing. I had been telling the same telemarketers over and over that I was not interested in what they were selling. Yet and still they kept calling my number all the time. Was it now to aggravate me? I had been telling my mother that I did not want to come to dinner because my uncle would be there whom I do not like. NO one likes him! He always has away to bring everyone down, and I told her when he left I would come afterwards and see her. But this did not satisfy my mother. She begged and pleaded. And because it was my mother, I relented and went to the dinner. My uncle was there, acting an ass as usual. Drunk, irritating everyone. Because this is what he does well. So when I walked in the door, I walked right to my moms office, closed the door, locked it, turned on the computer and went to work. Not only did I do that, I turned on her stereo. I turned up loud enough so that I would not hear my uncles voice. This pissed my mother off! She kept knocking on the door telling me to come out and eat. I told her, “Mom, did I not tell you that I did not want to come here? I knew that Uncle Lou would act this way. What changes? Why do you continuously force me to deal with him and his shenanigans? I came here for you, now you are mad because I do not want to be in there with you all. And you already knew. So don’t get angry that I chose to be in here. Because I told you that I don’t like him. You knew this.” My mothers feelings were hurt, but oh well. She could have avoided all of this. Just because my mother chooses to deal with him does not mean we all have to. It is her choice.

I have been stalked, I have had comrades and co-workers who were not satisfied with the word NO. And this scares me when someone insist that you do what they want. There has to be something wrong mentally with this person. You do not have to tell me NO but once. Now, you can tell me NO, and I ask you why???? Okay, because I want an answer. Once I get the answer, I am fukn threw with the situation.

If you can help it. If you do not have some abnormal dysfunction that gets in the way of you hearing the word NO because the person(s) do not want to participate, go, be in a relationship, be friends, or whatever the case maybe. Please respect that, and if not get help. I am being serious, you may have a problem.

The word NO is the same all over the world. It is a universal word. Well, except in Germany, I am laughing as I say this. But you get my meaning. NO means NO. If the man(woman) does not want you anymore. Leave it. If you are a salesman, and you are sitting on the phone or in person. And the person is respectively telling you NO, they only want what they want. Or they want nothing at all. Then leave it! Why do you want to convince them, being a hard salesman. And this is not what they want? There is someone else, somewhere else that will be more than happy to buy what you are selling. It is just that easy.

There is a book by a gentlemen by the name of Bruno Gideon “Don’t Take NO for and Answer: 5 Proven Steps That Get You to Yes” Though I enjoyed the read because it is a self-help book. And he speaks on how to get family, friends, and business associates to say yes. Now, with some things I agree with. However, NO disrespect to the author. And I know where he is going with this book. But why persuade individuals to give you what they want when the answer is NO? Now, again, I say that this is a great book. And what it is, is mind manipulation. As the books that I also really enjoy. Robert Greene, 48 Laws of Power & The Art of Seduction. Very powerful books! But you have to use common sense, what is common sense you ask? Sound and prudent judgment based on a simple perception of the situation or facts. So why can we just use “common sense” when someone tells us NO when there is a situation in which one does not want to be involved in. A place, time, thing, person. Sounds like a noun doesn’t it? But it is so true. Maybe some can not, or shall I say use the art of taking NO for an answer. And this is difficult, very difficult. Let me say this, when I say NO, dammit I mean NO!

I am vexed that my student had to go through what she had to go through. This turned out to be very serious for her. Where she had to actually file a report with the campus police. She was stressed and actually scared to come to class. And when her phone had rang, she got agitated and vexed because she automatically assumed it was him. And most times it was. You see what happens when some people can not take the word NO for an answer. Is it the rejection we are scared of?

My last example. I normally try to keep my cool when people try to take my power from me. But in this instance I was not able to be the “nice guy” I was at a convention, something that I enjoy doing and going to. I was approached by a woman that I had tryst with. But she was just like my students ex boyfriend a person who just did not get it. She was flirting, and I was ignoring the flirtation. She turned out to be a needy and clingy person. Something I have NO time for. I have enough people in my life clinging to me for support. When I moved she moved, just like that. She seemed to show up everywhere I was. And I was here for a full week! Well, I had had enough! After me telling her NO we can not have dinner. NO that I didn’t want to go and have drinks with her. NO that I didn’t want to invite her to my room. And NO I didn’t want to be around her at all! She was indeed persistent! But she was not a salesperson, and I was not a future client or customer who was interested in her wares. You get my meaning. When she had approached me for what seemed the hundredth time. I cursed her out smooth in front of everyone! And this hurt her feelings! And why? When I had told her NO. Now I do understand that some people may have a problem(mental) in this area, maybe even some sort of disorder where rejection, or someone turning them down is a turn on. And it is hard to tell right off with some of these people if they are this way. However, I am speaking of those whom I assume have “common sense” And if you are one of those people. And I hope you are. Please use this, and when someone tells you NO, gives you an infinite NO. Please take heed and respect that.

Thank you for letting me vent.(smile) Peace and blessings to you. For those who actually H E A R the word NO. Much respect. Signing off….Dangerous Dan,




“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

4/2009







 

PIMP CHRONICLES 101.…….WHEN YOU COMPROMISE…ARE YOU SUPPOSE TO COMPROMISE YOUR BELIEFS AND YOURSELF????

 

I will get straight to the point on this one. Because this is something else that not only bothers me, but also bothers others. And it is “compromising” This is something that we all have to do at one time or another in our lives. We do it with family, work, friends, spouses, and our significant other. But when does compromise turn into you placing yourself on the back burner? And when you are giving up what you truly believe in? It is a big difference! Huge!

Lets see what the Webster dictionary says about compromise. Compromise: A settlement of differences in which each side makes concessions. Okay, so what this is telling me, the definition is that it is a fair understanding of when both parties come to an equal decision. Right? Okay. So compromise has nothing to do with giving in. Letting the other person have their way! Are you hearing me? I mean are you really hearing me? Some of you are giving up! Getting tired of talking, tired of going through the same thing over and over again. So you give up! You compromise your morals, standards, beliefs, and what is comfortable to you. The root word for compromise is promise. So what you are actually doing is promising to do what it is you say that you will do.

Let me give you some examples of what I think an over compromise is. A woman and a man in a relationship right…..? Okay. And she leaves him because he is a drug addict. PROMISING herself that she will never get involved with such madness again. But sometime later she meets the perfect man. He has all his eggs lined up in one basket. Everything she has been wanting. However, she finds out later down the line he sniffs coke here and there. Well, did she not promise herself that she would not get involved with anyone who did drugs? Yeah she did. But this man is such a dream! Huh? He loves her wholly, he listens, treats her right, the best man she has ever had. But because she is looking at all the good qualities, she compromises herself, and she stays involved. Notice, I did not say they both compromise. Because that is a promise made with both parties. What she does is ignores her standards, her promises to herself. And she ends up worse off in the end. Only because she compromised. Herself. Which is not the true definition of compromise anyways.

A talented singer and musician is heard. And a record exec sees the talent this artist has. Listened to the music that “they perform” knows exactly what they stand for and how their persona is. But once the artist is signed. They are now doing things that they didn’t stand for or what they wanted. Well, some say we all sell out a little bit for our careers. And this is true. But how much so-called compromising will the artist agree to? Now the artist is unhappy, they are dressing, performing, and saying things in interviews they really don’t believe in because they decided to sell out! The unhappiness now leads to other bad habits and behaviors because they are truly unhappy.

When I started teaching I was told many times that the way I taught my classes was unethical. Hmmmmm….in other words I was not allowed to teach my students the “truth” and I tried it for a little while. And I was truly unhappy. It wasn’t until I was asked to do motivational speaking that some Directors of education liked what I was saying. And the more and more I was invited to various places, and I was speaking the “truth” that I realized I would be able to let go of the university I was teaching at that I decided that I would go where I could be myself. And it was then that I was able to teach in the manner in which I was comfortable. We, both parties compromised. And I was fine with what we had come to. Compromise. The real definition of it.

I, you should not put up with things in life to make others happy while we are unhappy. This causes stress, unhappiness, mental and emotional duress. Because you are just giving in. If you don’t stand for something, then you will fall for anything.

You do not stay with an abuser of drugs, alcohol, record label, job, married, significant other, school. And you lose yourself. Morals, standards and your art. You lose who you are.

“Honey, I have a pet peeve. If you could not leave your toothbrush on the sink like that”

“Well, I have always done that all my life.” “Well, if you do not want to put in back in the toothbrush holder. Where would you like to place it?” And this is when both parties compromise. I know I used a silly scenario. But you get the picture right? Because when you are constantly quiet, letting it past all the time, and putting up with things. Feeling you are compromising. Then you are allowing yourself to be consumed with hate and pain eventually. Not everything that is good to you is good for you which is something I say allll the time. It isn’t hard, science, nor is it biology.

I found myself in a relationship where I was constantly giving my girlfriend her way because I did not want to hear her whine, nag or complain or see her disappointed. It was an escape. And the more I did it, the more I was unhappy in the relationship. I wasn’t compromising where we could go have dinner, movies, plays, how and what I should wear. Which was a huge issue. Because she didn’t like the way I dressed. I had to let her go! I kept her because she was fine! A mother in the bedroom, and I had not found a woman that was so wide open in the bedroom. Her sense of humor, and the overall way she made me feel wanted and needed. But I got tired of her getting her way and not wanting to compromise with anything. And I was compromising me. So I let her go. Because I was truly unhappy, and the more I let her have her way, the more and more it kept happening. When I wanted to compromise, she was not having it! And that was shyt to me! Major bullshyt! Why could we not see a movie I wanted to see, and see what she wanted to see the next time? Why did I have to always dress up just to go grocery shopping? Why couldn’t we compromise on me being okay in just jeans and a vintage T-shirt and tennis shoes? Get my point?

So if you compromise, make sure the compromise is when you and the other party (job, school, contract, etc.,etc.,) is what both parties have agreed to. I hope this helped you as it has helped me.

Signing off

Dangerous Dan

“Just Toy

Written Expressions

4/2009

 

PIMP CHRONICLES 101.…DOES THE TRUTH SET YOU FREE??…ONLY IN SOME DREAMS

 

I was sitting in my home office as one of my very good friends and I were talking. He is accustomed to me working, writing and researching whenever he comes by. And most times when we have deep conversations , philosophizing and what not. I pretty much am able to keep focus of the conversation as well as what I am doing at the same time. So he had said something that took my attention from my work.

He was speaking in a round a bout way how his wife was telling him some things about himself. Which were all truths! However, all in the same breath, he spoke on her flaws, and the truth about what and how she does things. And my question is, If someone is telling you the TRUTH about you and how you relate to them and how you are. Why does one tend to point out your flaws? And why does one always have a reason or an excuse. So I thought our dialect would be on reasons, excuses, and the truth!

When people do not want to acknowledge the truth about themselves they always seem to have an excuse or a reason why they were not able to do what was set out for them to do. And normally that conversation starts off with “Let me tell you what happened” And that right there is an excuse, not the reason as to why they were late, didn’t call, didn’t come by, or didn’t do the task that was set at hand.

Some people think that when they give you and excuse, it is actually a reason. And that is how the two are mixed up and can cause confusion. But when you KNOW a person. You know that they either forgot about you on purpose. Or something else came up that they thought was more important then you, or the task set at hand. Let me say this, a reason is you were late to work because there was an accident on the freeway. The bus stalled, could not fond a sitter, the alarm did not go off. And let’s be simple and keep it real, you forgot! It is so much easier at times to just be real, not lie, and be honest. But for whatever reason, the truth in that capacity does set us free!!!!

As my best friend was telling me the things she does wrong (his wife). He out right admitted his wrong doings. But lashed out at his wife immediately! So it is and was very apparent that he didn’t get it! He couldn’t handle the damn truth! He was quick to throw dirt back on her. And immediately said as well, ”If she didn’t say or do certain things. Then I would not react and do or say what I say at times” This right here is a cop out! A cop out in mad proportions! These were flaws he has had for awhile, things that he has lived his life by as long as I had knew him. And he didn’t want to own up to the truth. So now he wanted to blame his wife. Give her as the excuse as to why he responded to her the way he did, and why he did what he did. I have been knowing this man way before he got married. And he was doing the same shyt! Always running late, bills would be in the red because he would forget to pay them. Not that they did not have the money to pay them. But he was insistent on paying them. Why he would not let his wife go ahead and pay them after this happened time and time again. Electricity, gas, internet, cable bill, cell bill. All of these and more have been cut off over several times. But he has a reason (excuse) to why it happened. This drove Rosie mad! And I can understand why. Because not only did he have that bad trait of not paying bills, mostly forgetting about them, why I do not know. Running late, not prioritizing, he also blamed others for his misfortunes and bad karma! Wow! Now I had told him about how he was a longtime ago. So the way I dealt with him being late was to tell him that an event, or to come by started and two hours earlier than what it actually did. So if it started at eight, I would tell him seven. Because I knew there would always be people who would be fashionably late. I would email him all the time reminders, and when texting got popular. I used that method. Hey, what can I say, the things he did to put me in an irate state I had learned how to work for me and him. Not saying that his wife did not use this method, she did! And I did not have to do this all the time mind you. And so as when she did it, he still would fuk up! How belligerent can one be?

When I had pulled back from my desk as he was talking and looked at him. This seemed to ruffle his feathers a bit! Because he knew that he and I could talk and I work. The truth was going to come out. And he knew that I would tell it!

In this life your life, my life. You can not add or take anything away from something that is already what it is. If it is black, then it is black. If the color is red, then the color is red. Of course you can alter the colors. But it is what it is at the time. A person who is white, Indian, Chinese. They are what they are, who they are, from weight, height, the family they come from. This is the truth! Bold and big as shyt! So why do we feel the need, some of us. To argue and debate ourselves when someone is telling the truth? The truth shall set you free! But when you are told the truth about yourself or a situation. Why is it that you can not own up to it? Why is that you can not have the spotlight on you and your flaws? Is it hard to receive when you know? I mean absolutely know that this is the unadulterated truth. The truth in that one should not ignore. Or you will continue to go through this lifetime running into the same issues over and over again. Ever looked for an address and keep taking the same path and route to look for your destination? Telling yourself, “It has to be over here!” And you get absolutely frustrated because you know that you are in the right area, and you can not find the address!! I have been there many times. Well, life will take you on a journey of such. Where if you do not stop, pay attention to the truth, you, and who you are. Then you will not keep running into the same problems.

We all tend to have a cocky-ego. Well, it is considered the super-ego(ID). What Sigmund Freud referred to it as. It is an ego that is absolutely beyond the clouds is how I perceive it. You gotta let that shyt go sometimes! Now there is a difference in sticking to ones self and not compromising their art and their beliefs. But is another thing to be told constantly over and over the truth about who you are and how you treat others. You keep running and making excuses slash reasoning’s you do not learn about you, you stop your growth as an individual.

When my best friend finished his whining. I was very quick to tell him this same theory. Why do you have to blame others and situations for your behavior. Why is that you are quick to point out the bullshyt in someone else’s life and turn the mirror quickly upon them and not own it? Why? Because of that ego, that self pride, the self righteous spirit that makes your shyt smell better than the next persons. It makes your flaws seem very minor compared to what the other persons are. You feel if you can point them out in their selves. Then they have not real reason to be coming at you about who and how you act. How you handle or have handled situations. And the same behavior, or persona, habits, lies, acts keep you in the same pile of crap every time!

If the truth is that my best friend can not take care of finances, and should not be held responsible to do it. And he has been doing this shyt for years. Why is that truth bothering him? Why when he always runs late is that a problem? Because he has missed and been late for some very serious things. And it constantly hurts him. The bigger picture is, he always gets on the defense when anyone tells him about himself. Shall I call a naysayer, always obstructing the damn truth. Negative.

Grant it, there are some that think they are telling the truth and they are actually not. They are jealous, jaded, hating, whatever you would like to call it. So they pick and pick until they wear you out to believe what they say. This is not what I am speaking of. I am speaking of the truth being told to you and you denying it. Being a bad mother, if strangers can see that you are a bad mother, your family, your friends say the same thing. Yet you continue to treat your child with absolute disregard. Why would this not be the truth? Why do you get angry or mad when someone is telling you the truth? Why is the truth something that is hard to relate to and understand when it comes to you? But you should not pick the molt out of someone else’s eye if you can not see out of your eye. And it is obstructing your view?

I was told some things about me, things that I was at that time very angry to hear. And yes just like a lot of people do, I got angry! Mad as hell! How dare they see me like that and talk to me as such. But when I had calmed down. Nothing they said was a lie! None of it, it was truths being told. I had some nasty things I would say. Now, I am a very blunt and direct type of guy. So imagine me being me to the twentieth power!! Whoo! A mess and a half! And people still say that about me. I laugh and shake my head as I recall this memory. Because I was truly off the chain with it! I mean really! What I did was, learn to take what people said to me as constructive criticism. That is, if it was the truth. There was no need to argue about it, defend myself. Give a reason or an excuse. No matter how I got to be the way I was. Or what in my journey had led me to be so crass at times and hurt peoples feelings. Bottom line it was wrong. And most bad habits come from a person being lazy. And lazy is a form of “I don’t care” which did come across as I don’t care how I made people feel when I read them the riot act. I was hurting others because I was hurt in the same way. And I had build up this resistance. But it was stunting my growth, keeping me from getting into doors, and instead of me listening, hearing the message. I was getting angry.

Not long after I had someone who was not close tell me the same exact thing about my persona. I had begun to look at it, dissect it. And I began to watch how delivered and said things. And there were times when there was no need to say anything. Not all people deserved to be told off like that. I learned how to show decorum. And I learned how to still be me in all of this changing.

And truth be told, it made me a happier person when I had grown to accept the constructive criticism. It helped me on my journey. At times it is very hard to haul off and curse someone off and not cause some verbal damage. However I know this is a negative flaw that had repelled people in not wanting to come around me, talk to me. And that was not a good thing to have a reputation like that at all.

The truth is not the media all the time, not what society says, what at times you see because we can build false perceptions of what you thought you saw was really not. So that is not the truth. But what you can not deny, that is the truth. No matter how you TRY to change it or rearrange it. It is still the truth. And sometimes being truthful can hurt some people. And hurt them in bad ways. Because of it not registering in their minds that they are doing wrong. For some people they are never in the wrong, have the worst intentions, can not be nice, always late, cheating! Well that is a horse of another flavor.

The cheating person. Rather they be a man or a woman. You do not love your spouse is the last thing you can tell a person who is cheating on their spouse. They will tell you that they are a good spouse. That they do the right things. That it is the other person. Always the other person. Here you see up real close and personal that does not have the ability to be told the truth. See, in their minds. They are being honest about who they are, why they cheat, the other persons bullshyt. But will not acknowledge that they are wrong for cheating! Ain’t that some shyt? I scoff at this maddening thought pattern. How did you actually get here with your reason or even rhyme? And most people who cheat follow this pattern. So again, how do you tell a person who sees the bad in someone else’s life. They see some truth. And they have all the reasons/excuses as to why they cheat. That it is okay doing what they do only because they have a reason, and excuse. This is silly shyt to me.

How does one continue to lie on others, to not hear the truth about them being a bad spouse. That just because they give their spouse all of what they want. Pay bills, great sex, great vacations, flowers, jewelry, pampering, spoiling, dinners. And that is the reason, the excuse that “I am a great spouse” Nooo, it does not mean that! So why? Why does not these individuals that fit this category not open nor willing to accept the truth?

Truth is such a bold statement, and a lot of us can not hear or speak the truth no matter. Funny how I was berated and executed (almost) because I was very honest and direct. When all I seen around me was the people who lied and couldn’t tell the truth if they were beaten over the head with it. Not one honest bone in their body. Let me give you the raw and uncut definition of the TRUTH: the true or actual state of a matter: He tried to find out the truth. conformity with fact or reality; verity: the truth of a statement. A verified or indisputable fact, proposition, principle, or the like: mathematical truths. the state or character of being true. An obvious or accepted fact; truism; platitude. fidelity or constancy

 

So I assume you know what I mean now……You can not be true, you can not be real, you can not move forward unless you are being real, honest and true. However some truths that people can tell (the reality) some people would like to know or hear. “There is a run in your stocking” or, “You have something on your face” “Oh, don’t sit there, there is some sticky stuff on that seat” We can deal with that truth. But the minute someone tells you how you dress, talk, walk, live, friends, your personality, what is and what is not politically correct. Man! Fireworks and explosives for some of you.

So does the truth set you free? Yeah it does, only if you allow it to. Because in the end….who wants a friend, family member, co-workers and others talking about you behind your back, but can not tell you what they really feel because you can not handle the truth! And I am not talking about back biters or playa haters. Let’s not get the game twisted. If I can learn, so can you. So let’s be honest, let’s be truthful, lets’ be open. And let’s use some damn decorum and sensitivity when we tell the truth. And when we hear it, marinate on that. Because if is the truth, it will indeed set you free because you already know it is the real, the uncut, and now you can work on that very thing that puts you in a bad light with others.

I gotta go….my next class starts in two hours, and I need a nap!!

Signing off,

Dangerous Dan

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

03/2009

 

 

 

 

 

 

PIMP CHRONICLES 101...BE CAREFUL OF WHAT YOU ASK FOR…

I am tired again this session. I must humbly apologize for my out of slight spirit. Not only do I have a full schedule at the university, and teach two classes at the college. I am always flown in somewhere to speak. They call it motivational speaking. Hell I call it preaching. Because that is a form of what I do. Preach, teach, minister and evangelize life. I am not on the God complex, or nor do I have a arrogant complex. But it is what it is…..However there are some therapist, teachers, professors, psychologist and psychiatrist that have that have a god complex. Figuring they are able to help and change all of whom they speak with. Wrong! Not! Un-unh….that shyt will never happen! But they do guide and help you deal with your inner self and see your problems and how to deal. But completely heal someone is impossible. However, I do agree that there are a lot of people who need my services and those of the therapy profession.

Let me please help you to better understand me what and who I am and what I believe. I know the minds and thought patterns of people. And we can be amped up one moment, and then slowly be taken off the road to “healing” or “doing better” very quickly. I can spill the truth and many will agree with what and how I have said some things. But will go right back and lick up the vomit that they just threw up out of their bodies. Crazy isn’t it? Meaning, again let me explain. Why go back to the same shyt that was causing you pain and hard times ?????I don’t know. But yet, I really do.

Well, now that all of that is out of the way. Let me begin the new tale for the day. And that is willing, speaking, asking, wanting and desiring certain things in your life. I am a man that speaks a lot of things into his future. And I am more than positive everyone does. Rather they think so or realize it or not. But I take this knowledge and constantly create positive things in my life. What I want, what I need, and what I desire. My career, my house, my bills being paid. Wisdom and knowledge to handle life. Every time I hold a class I am preaching to the choir, me. So I hear myself when I speak the truth, can’t help but to.

Now it is very hard not to speak and say negative things, and I study and read so much, and HEAR other people when they preach, teach, minister etc., that I have to try hard to keep the negative from coming out of my mouth. Because I am a man whom is far from perfect. Though my ego says that I am perfect. Perfectly made, but not perfect in ways, thoughts at times. And how I feel and view others. So saying , “I feel it already. This is going to be a bad day.” I have to realize that I am speaking all of that negative bullshyt in my future in my life. I have read many passages from the bible. And I like the bible. I truly do, “The tongue is a two-edged sword” “A wise man keepeth his tongue. And a fool reveals all” and other sayings form Proverbs regarding what you speak. “God spoke life” “You have what you say” Something my mother drilled in my head as a child and adult. “Okay son, keep on. You will have what you say.” An it is true.

Let me of course give you some examples because I do have some. And these are from, of course people I have met in and throughout my journey here on earth. A gentlemen, who I will refer to as “Marco” a charming all around good guy. He was on the right path with life. But Marco had a problem, he had a lust for women. And not just any woman. He wanted a woman that look just like those enhanced playmates in the magazines he was once addicted to. Marco was reframing from sex and living a celibate life until he had gotten married. Which of course was very hard in the beginning of his celibacy walk. Marco had no problem with attracting, are bedding down the opposite sex. However, after three years of what Marco felt in not finding his soul mate. He began to feel the need to constantly speak into existence the type of woman he wanted. Long hair, fair skin with a light tan. 36 DD’s. long thick muscled legs, abs, and a nice round azz. He was still stuck on those pin up playmates. So this is what he wanted, this is what he dated and this is what he wanted to marry. He made this clear allll the time.

Marco had FOUND her! She was his dream girl, fantasy come true. I will admit she was extremely beautiful and very sexy. When she talked she turned you on! She was a siren on wheels! And she had Marco in the palm of her hand. She knew the power she had upon his being. After a year of fighting back having sex with this lady. And she respected this about him, and she got so much from Marco. He asked her to marry him, she accepted his proposal. They planned a wedding in three months, she was a beautiful bride glowing and looking sexy! Marco was happy and loving his life with her. But soon found out that there was much more maintenance to his now wife. That there was much more to her dolling up and pampering. That she was dead in bed. All that sex appeal, well, it was nothing in the bedroom. He had a trophy wife. She looked good all the time, flawless. And she was lazy accustomed to living off of the generosity of others. She helped with no bills, no food, her paychecks went directly to her. She was selfish, rarely cooked, always wanted to go out and be in the limelight. She hosted great parties, she was a total illusion. And Marco was devastated! But he got exactly what he asked for. Not once did he say he wanted the type of woman that was smart, had a sense of humor, educated, independent. Nooo, he wanted a woman who was super sexy playmate of the year. And he paid for that with being miserable.

I had a very close friend of mine had to take a job that she really didn’t feel was her fit. Now she seemed to be getting these jobs back to back. However, all the jobs that she worked she would get raises within months and was really loved by her peers. However, her skills always superseded the money she would make. So she would work a job until she found a better one or so she thought.

It was her last job that she had totally gotten bamboozled with. She was given one thing, or told one thing and every time it seemed to be totally different. She didn’t make any money on this job. But it was so much more better than the least two jobs she had. She nagged, acted up one week, and did well the next. She was given two raises. Again well liked. She kept saying she was not going to quit She would rather them fire her so that she could get unemployment. Well, after three years on the job. They fired her for something so silly and made no sense. Well, she got her unemployment. But not before she got two months behind on rent and her bills. And she was miserable and stressed out. And then it came to her. The job wasn’t that bad, and the money wasn’t that bad either.

We can wish good and bad on ourselves. How many actors and successful people say they knew they were gonna be famous and rich? People who had goals of wanting success in music, design, so many many things. And they have it! Because they asked for it! Because they wanted it! Because they know the power of what they say!

I have done it, we all have done it! We have brought a lot of negative foreplay and drama to our doorstep. You do it all the time! You speak things into your existence. “I know when he/she gets here they are going to act up and get on my nerves” And so it shall be, and so it is. I know that we can acknowledge things that people have a tendency to do. But always professing how our friends may act, people we work with, negative things in our lives. They are sure to come.

My girlfriend always dated the yuppie buppie type guys. And just as a lot of women do at various times in their lives. They want and yearn for some edgy rawness from a man. She would always say, “I need a motorcycle, thuggish, type guy Dan. But a sweetie on the inside who will do anything I ask of.” And she got him. Seven years of asking he came along. He would have come sooner, but when those types approached her. She always shook them and still dated the yuppie Brooks Brother suit type dudes.

Well, my girlfriend got this guy. He wanted her, liked her, loved her, was excited by her. And he was sensitive. But in this, she got caught up, he got caught up. And yet they were complete opposites. She more of the sophisticate type. He the more rugged beer drinking type. They made it work, they compromised, they made it work. But this created a whole other type of mess. This embarrassed her, this was her fantasy man. Not the man she wanted to settle down with. She eluded to her fantasy’s and not her realities. And so he was very protective. Once all the excitement wore off, she was ready to move on. He was not. He stuck to her like flies to paper. She wanted, she asked for a man who was sensitive and gave her whatever she wanted. He did that and more. And he was so jealous and insecure and drove her crazy! She was sick! He worried her nuts! But that is what she wanted. At first all the pampering, his way of doing things for her. Then coming to find out what she wanted and liked. He overwhelmed her. Of course it was the sex and the gifts that kept him around. And he had a temper. Well, how can you have a semi-thug ruggish type dude and not have some of that? Not saying all those type are this way. But it was a quality he had. Part of his persona. So she was also scared to leave him. See, she was not specific in what she wanted. And she got more of what she asked for. She was not specific, and got caught up too quick.

People unintentionally speak things in there reality everyday. We set the tone of our day, When I meet, and around these type of people. Those who are negative, start their day in the negative. Gather in the break room and it is early, and the gossip is stirring. We thrive off of the demise of others. And we are quick to speak their demise out in the air. People also can place negative doubt on you, This is why you must, you have to create the positive energy in your day. I can not be around these types at all! While I am insuring myself that today is a good day, there are the haters of their lives. They stay in a slump, they confess the daily bullshyt in their lives. Never ever once focusing on the good things that they may have accomplished. They are very secretive and discreet of what they do and how they move about. We must be careful of what we ask for.

My father was so ready to leave my mother. He spoke of how he wanted a divorce years ago. He made her seem as if she was a constant thorn in his side. Now he never expressed this around others. Nor did he have a mean spirit towards my mother. But he would do nasty things that he knew hurt her. He was unfaithful, spoke on the phone to his girlfriends in front of her. And that was a huge slap in her face. And it was then you would hear him say all the things he did not like about her. Now let me stop and say this. My mother was a great wife and a mom. She felt she always had to please others instead of herself first and love herself first. My father had mentioned that she had put on some weight. And she had, and this had distraught her. She worked out, did these crazy over workout plans, drinking water, cleansings, saunas, she wore plastic clothes. She did this as she was back in college working on her masters. Because my father had made a comment about one of his friends wife who had her masters and was driving a great car. And the couple were traveling all over the world because of the money she had now helped in bringing to the household.

My father said things like this because he knew that was all that was needed to have my mother get herself in check. And she took cue to it like a trained seal. So when he would mention in a loving way she had gained weight. What others have, how another woman looked. My mother would instantly start to transform into what my father wanted of her. And he loved the power he had over here. I loathed the shyt!

My mother had lost weight, looked great! She had did a new make over. Clothes, hair, make-up. She had all types of men coming on to her. My father knew my mother was absolutely gorgeous! Even with the weight she had on, she was complimented on her beauty. My mother pleased my father to no end!!! She learned how to cook like a gourmet chef. From drinks to meals, and beautiful pastries. She was in school for two years. My father and I loved the meals that she created. And he would compliment her on the things she did that he was proud of. But so quick to say he married the wrong woman. He was undermining and cut throat manipulative how he said things. Always making sure she was in earshot when he voiced a COMPLAINT. Again, my mother was a great house wife, smart, kept a great home, worked hard taking care of her family, And her business. How my mother did this so successfully I do not know.

It was one day that my father was on the phone with his present girlfriend at the time. Speaking of how great the sex was. How he was just so tired of his present wife. And she would be the one to make him file for a divorce! So my mother took heed to this new info. She went and filed the papers, had my father served. Purchased her a loft condo and moved there along with her business. And was out of the house in a week. She moved out the day my father was served. She left him a note of what she overheard, what she took from him, how he treated her. The whole nine! My mother gave my dad his shyt back. So she said, “Now you have your new soon to be wife be your super woman. Because I quit!” And that was that.

My father was depressed, shocked and hurt! Why I could not figure out, he was tired, constantly had a complaint and was unfaithful and had no respect for my mother at all! None for me or his home. And I had a love hate relationship with my father because of how he acted.

My father cried, and he sent emails, letters, flowers, called to my mother begging for her back. Of course she never answered them. So in six months my father marries the girlfriend. He does not like being alone, so I knew that he would move her in, or marry her. He loved for a woman to cater to him. Cook, clean, serve him, wash his clothes, give him all the sex he desired. His bidding, he was the king in his house. The new wife did what he asked of her, but he paid. She was insistent on being in the salons, shopping for clothes. My father was a plastic surgeon and very good at what he did. He made great money. And she spent it! She had him sale the old house buy a new one. Of course she had to decorate it. She was always making reservations for them to go on some exotic vacation.

Well, about a year of this my father had a stroke! And as soon as he was not able to take care of himself, nine months later she filed for a divorce. My father had a slurred talk. His right side was paralyzed. It was me that came to the rescue my mother did nothing, Not because she didn’t love him, but because of what he said that had hurt her so much, She was worthless, lazy, fat, d