I am guilty...however, it is less energy to hold hate. And more fulfilling to love, give and care..

I'm mad at the mutha fuck'n world! Thank I ain't? Shit I got
issues wit a lot of mutha fuckas walk'n this earth. Thank I don't?
Shit it is
too many mutha fuckas out here that need some
serious reality checking! And I ain't gone back down on that shit.
Cause I know I'm right.

First I'm mad at my mother who was never there. Always
talk'n shit to me. Always tell'n me I can do whateva I wanna do.
Tell'n me that I needed to get an education, and she would
support me. Well, I went to fuck'n school, and you wanna know
what? I failed all of my classes. For three semesters
I got bad
grades. And you wanna know why? Cause my momma wasn't
there to help me do better! She told me to get a tutor to help me
out. Told me she would even pay for it. But I wanted my momma
to sit down and help me herself. I didn't want nobody else to
know how I was slipping! My mother was fuck'n tripp'n when she
told me that shit! So I dropped out of school Fuck all that shit!

Now the next thing I am mad about is theses simple mother
fuckas. The ones that don't see or know a good thang if it's
staring them in the damn face! See I went to go looking for a job.
And I found one. One that would do for the time. You know, until
I got something better. You know how you do it.

I was working for this school cleaning up and shit. And being a
janitor wasn't really what I wanted to do. But my momma called
herself helping me out. Made a call to the school board and
hooked me up. It was cool money, and my first job. Cause I
was sitting home bitch'n and complain'n no one would hire me. I
had went and filled out four applications. And no one had called
me back! I went on one interview, and they didn't hire me. Talk'n
bout my attitude was fucked up! Shit, I had been look'n for a
good month and a half!

I did good on that job for the school. They just didn't
appreciate me! And that's just what it was. So they fired me.
Talk'n bout I was lazy and shit! Fuck them! And fuck that job!
They fired me after three weeks. I mean I took a few breaks here
and there. More than the other workers. But I was a good
worker! Can't nobody tell me different!

I blamed my momma for that shit. I told her that she sent me
to work for some bigots. And that they didn't appreciate me. And
she didn't appreciate me either as her son. Because if she
really loved me. She wouldn't have sent me to that god-forsaken
job in the first damn place! She didn't have my back. And I was
slowly starting to see that.

So since my momma could no longer be there for me. And I
felt she wasn't looking out for my best interest. I turned to one of
my homeboys. He said there was a position at his job. And
since he was the manger. He would hook me up. That's my
dog! I told him all about what had happened with my mother
sending me on that last whack ass job I had.

So my boy hired me for a warehouse position. You know
lifting boxes, shipping, and receiving. It was cool. But it was real
hard work. And I got tired in about an hour. But I didn't want to let
my boy down. So I tried harder.

I found out that they was shipping and receiving TV's, stereos,
and shit like that. And I knew I could make some money if I had
got a hold of some of that shit. More money than I was making
on that damn job! That was for sure. So I had devised me a little
plan. I had started stealing some of those stereos and shit. I
had a cool ass hustle on the side. My friends would pull they
truck up, pay me, and I would load the shit on, and get the
cheese. You know what I'm saying?

After about a month, I was caught. And I was pissed the fuck
off! My boy fired me. Told me he couldn't trust me. Yelling at me.
Asking me why was I doing this to him. How far back we went.
And he had looked out for me. I told that fucked up asshole he
had me mutha fuck'n twisted! I wasn't making no real money on
that job. And him being my boy should have understood. I would
of cut him in on it. But he looked at me as if I was a fool. And
told me we could never be friends in this lifetime. And he felt
sorry for my punk ass! Fuck him!

So I decided that work wasn't for me. That I would just kick
back and relax and be cool. Hell, I didn't have to pay rent! I had it
good. I was living with my mother. She had a good ass job. She
worked for the government. She finished college too, with a
masters. She could take care of me. She always did. She
made sure I had food, clothes, and I had money in my pocket.

One day I was out at the store. And I had met this fine lil
honey. I mean baby had ass, tits, legs, and a pretty ass smile.
So I stepped to her. She gave me her number. Cause I'ma
mack from way back. We got to talk'n baby had it going on and
shit. I'll give her that. She was way smarter than me. She went
to school and worked a job. She lived in an apartment off
campus close to her school. She had a room mate and shit. I
liked her style.

Most times we hung out at her place. I didn't want her to know
that I was a twenty-six year old dude living wit his momma and
no job. But baby had started tripp'n hard. She got tired of treating
me on the dates. Got tired of driving her car everywhere. Was
mad when I couldn't put gas in her car. Fuck that! She should
be glad that I was talk'n to her punk ass! She told me that she
couldn't be wit no dude who lived wit they momma, and didn't
work or do noth'n! Can you believe that shit? And she was tired
of me lay'n up in her house eating all of her and her room mates
food. Bitch! So I kicked her ass to the curb!

I met another girl. I approached her different. I was real
suave and sweet. Told her I was going through some really
rough times. That I had been fired from my job. And I didn't have
anyone to help me. And I didn't have nowhere to live. She
helped me out a lot. She fed me, clothed me, loved me, let me
use her car. And she put money in my pocket all the time. And
she fucked me very well.

Then about after three months, she put me out! Told me I
was free loading. And that she could not take care of any grown
ass man who didn't want to work!

Because I didn't want to go back to my momma's house, well
to be honest wit it all. I didn't really want to go back. I didn't want
to hear my momma nagging me about small bullshit. Like
taking out the trash, and getting a job and doing something
constructive with my life. Besides, she told me I couldn't come
back no way! Fuck it!

Now I had a real close buddy. We went to elementary school
together. Dude and me was real tight back in the day. I mean
real close. So I went by his place, told him all the shit I had gone
through. My boy understood me oh too well. And we bonded
instantly. He let me move in.

Now everything was real cool. For three months. We partied
and had girls come over every weekend. We stayed up late and
did guy shit. And I had got a little side hustle together. You know
to keep a little change in my pocket. I had went and put in three
applications in for a job. But know one ever called back. So I
said fuck it!

Then one day my homeboy came home pissed off! Told me
he was tired of me eating up all the food! And that every time he
brought a honey home to the house, he was tired of coming
home to a filthy house. Can you believe this brotha? I mean he
lived here too! And the little money I got, well it had to take care
of my needs. I had needs too. I didn't tell him how to spend his
money. So why was he trying to tell me how to spend mine? He
wanted me to help buy groceries, and pay on the utilities! That
brotha had me twisted! So he put me out! But that really wasn't
the final straw. He just got mad cause one of the cuties he had
brought to the house I had sex with her! Why? He had loads of
women! Why was he sweating her? Anyway.

So you can see my dilemma huh? Why I am mad at the
world. "Man get in back of the line shit! I'm hungry too!" Damn
knuckle heads out here. These women and men know they can
get a job. Claiming homeless and shit! I see the same folks
coming down here everyday to eat breakfast and dinner they give
away at the homeless shelter. Now these are some lazy ass

"Just Toy"
Written Expressions

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