His mind was now gone to a different place and time, not as the time we live in presently. Joseph (named after his father . Jessup-Jacob (after his grandfather) Lived too much in the pass. Hungry, Starved for the much needed attention, cares and affection of the world. Life was to him missing the straight and narrow. Always feeling that he led an alternative life. A life he could not choose.
White walls, steel, metal, white crisp sheets. And drugs that keep him high, so he does not keep his mind on the past. A past that has led him here, here. Like a zombie, unreal, lifeless, brain dead. How? Why?



JJ, he prefers to be called. Lived the life it seemed as if all wanted to have. You know a person looking from the outside on the outside? Feel me, this was JJ. But as all people who you think have, and may have a silver spoon in his mouth, or hers. There is always complications. Deep and severe complications. And money does not take away problems. In fact, for some it adds. And this is JJ’s story.
JJ came from a very affluent family. They were in the beverage industry. You know making fruit juices, teas, water, soda. Big, big time money! They have been in existence since 1945. JJ now was brought around so much corruption, lies, deceit, and backstabbing. And then there was the incest, molestation, rape, and sexual perversion their family had shame of. There was also the physical abuse, drug abuse, alcoholism, gambling issues, this family suffered from. All of the men, brothers, uncles, all had sexual liaisons and affairs. Controlling, demanding, selfish and calculating the men that were in this family. While all the women in the family, wives included. Were all loving, affectionate, kind, compassionate, givers of themselves wholly.
At age ten is when JJ experienced something no child should experience. He had a babysitter by the name of Kammy. And Kammy had JJ’s Face between her legs all night as she instructed him to bring her to perverted unadulterated climax after climax. And thus, JJ knew this was wrong, but as the times had increased of her coming to baby sit him. He began to like doing it. She taught him how to kiss, French of course. How to touch a woman between her legs and bring her to a climax. She taught him, he grew up too fast. Kammy was sixteen, and she babysat him until he was twelve. And at the age of thirteen, JJ and Kammy were having sex, and she was nineteen.
That is just one aspect of JJ’s life. JJ grew up in a household where his father was king. And as long as his mother did what his dad said, the house was “warm” it was calm. But it was fake. And he had become to understand and see this as he got older. His mother had full run of the house. Joseph his dad let JJ’s Mom decorate, clean, pay bills, dress Joseph, JJ, herself, purchase any car she wanted or needed. I mean money was never an option. JJ saw his mother had become manipulative with his dad to get her way truly in the end. Because she did not have an opinion, She got the courage a few times, and she was knocked out cold, right there! Right in front of him on the spot! Joseph did not play, he could only be loving if his iron fist was ruled and he controlled his house like his corporation. And Sheila, JJ’s mom knew this. The world was hers, only if she followed the rules. Only if she stayed in her place. So she learned how to do her, and that led to other issues.
When JJ was twelve, his mother had began using valium. Nothing so bad at first, well not to her at least. But anytime you do something for the first few time in your life. And it helps calm the demons. It never is anything bad. It is not going to be a dependency. You will never be about any of those people you see on those documentaries. Talk shows, books, or seminars, movies. But Sheila did get there……
Sheila in her world was being raped by her husband Joseph. This had begun when JJ was ten years old, Joseph had begun to come home drunk. Smelling of liquor and another woman. How could any man come home like this? Sheila knew that he was unfaithful. But to disrespect her even further by coming home smelling of the woman he had been with. Not taking a shower at least clean up, gargle. No, Joseph came home with the smell of another woman on his mouth. When he forced her down on him, she could smell the other woman in his pubic hairs. And it sickened her, she always retched. Stopping herself from gagging over and over.
Joseph would hit her, thinking this was turning her on because she let out moans, but they were moans of pain from Sheila. He was never affectionate, always brutal and forceful. A life she had become immune to. So immune and accustomed to it. But actually very shaken. Now having some tumultuous emotions. And her mental stability in life needed something. Valium.
It was soothing, it kept her from her reality. She felt good, a nice smooth buzz. It was really good when she had a glass of red wine with it. She was happy for the sleep it gave her. She was happy for the nanny she had. The nanny that took JJ to his baseball, basketball, football, boy scouts, meetings, practice for the piano. JJ stayed busy. And he had a tutor. This was without question an order from his dad Joseph. No way would he have a dumb son. So of course JJ was involved in things scholastically.
Sheila was still there for her son. But because she did a lot, and there was a lot on her plate. Not only did she run the household. She sat on the board with the company. Sheila had a degree in finance. This was how she had met the business tyrant Joseph Jacob. And she fell, what she thought was in love. A beauty, gorgeous! Brains and beauty. With the body of a Play House pen up girl. Joseph felt that he was making a power move buy meeting her, falling for her, marrying her, she proved herself. She was now an asset. Beauty, have his kids, smart and sharp. A body, and a woman all men would lust after. Joseph had to have the best.
So Sheila had to stay fit, in the salons. She took vitamins and herbs. She loved the spa when she was high on valium. That was the best time. Sheila wanted no one to know her secret. But of course it would be later found out by the family. She OD’d when JJ was sixteen. The first time that is. …..
Now, along with things going on with Sheila the wife and mother. JJ, who has a lot on his plate with activities, school, sex, molestation. Seeing his dad beat on his mom. Hearing the cries of his mother when she is brutally raped by his own father. He witnessed this twice. And soon heard it all the time. JJ also saw what his father was, how he was, and the hard person he was. He ruled with an iron fist, and had every bad habit a man could have.
Joseph at first kept his affairs on the low. It was when JJ was ten, that he became less discreet. His drinking was only when he went out cavorting in the night. A night where he would win and lose big money if he gambled. Cocaine was his drug of choice that he came home with on the tip of his nose. Looking ragged, looking run through. Yelling and screaming in the house for Sheila. Waking the house, Fortunately the live in tutor slash nanny’s sleeping quarters were not in the house. She lived behind the pool, deck, backyard, cabaña in the guesthouse. She never heard the rhetoric from the mansion. There were twenty-five acres of land. Why would she?
Josephs demands were many when he was high or drunk. Depending on his choice for the evening. Now Joseph was a controlled substance abuse user. Never while he worked, traveled on business, anything dealing with his money or work week. And sometimes he did work hard late nights and weeks. No booze, no women, no liquor, no dope. And he was clean. And this is when the calm was in the house. Or what Joseph would consider “love” These were at the times he took his family on many outings. Dinner, brunch, breakfast. He had a truly beautiful showcase family. All looked as to be happy and well loved, groomed and happy. On the outside looking from the outside. Joseph was the perfect gentlemen to his wife when they were all out together. Or rather it was just Joseph and Sheila. Money he would throw at the salesman when he took her to Chanel, Gucci, Louis Voutton Stores. He sat as she modeled the clothes she liked and he liked. From suits, casual wear, handbags, shoes you name it! He sipped slowly on his champagne and a gleam would be in is eye looking at his beautiful wife. She was sexy.
This was happy, him going to his sons games. All of them as a happy family. Neither parents missed any games or ceremonies JJ had. They always gave him “moral support” or would that be physical support? Because they just showed their presence. They were not close.
Joseph has had his hand in some illegal dealings. No one to this day really knows a lot. Or what he was really into. He was a very discreet and secretive man. Conniving. So in fact, he thought he was bigger than the Jamaican and Italian mob. But they showed him otherwise. And soon he quickly knew his place. Being beaten to a pulp where he almost lost his life twice. Sheila, sick, not knowing if he was going to make it or not. She clung to Joseph, she was co-dependent on him. In a very sickening way.
Joseph had brought a woman home, and had her living in the east wing of the house. Nothing was spoken on it. JJ just knows his father came in, introduced this exotic looking woman. Her name was Eva. She was a model, 5’11. And stunning. JJ saw his father bring her back home with tons and tons of new clothing, two new cars he purchased for her. And Eva had redecorated the whole east wing suite of rooms. She had her own butler, maid, cook, and stylist. She was spoiled beyond words.
Joseph had purchased her a condo in London, Beverly Hills. Why did she have to live there in the house with JJ’s family? JJ could not figure this one out. And the torture for Sheila had now become apparent. She stayed gone, or either sleeping from valium.
At this time Joseph could careless what Sheila was doing. His nose was wide open for Eva. He still came to all the “necessary” Events in his sons life. Still bringing his family to all company events, proper vacations, press conferences. He always smiled and made sure his family got some media time. Pictures, news, magazines and newspapers. However, Joseph stayed in the gossip columns. Who didn’t know about Eva? Was the question. He was at every runway show she was at. Taking pictures with her. Joseph was a pig. He moved Eva in the house when JJ was Twelve, and she lived in the mansion until JJ had turned sixteen.
Sheila was also enlisting in her own world wind affairs. Being romanced and dined by millionaire playboys. Some slept with her only to spite Joseph. Those were the ones that hated Joseph to the core of his being. But Sheila was no fool. She chose to flirt and have illicit sex with men she knew Joseph hated as well. She was given huge monumental gifts that she threw in Josephs face non-decrepitly. She had now begun to take money from the company, and Joseph had no idea. She would get the courage to leave. One day.
Joseph had a daughter by Eva. This brought even more soreness and tension in the home. Because Sheila could not have anymore children from complications of being pregnant with JJ. When Eva left the house with the daughter she named Lyric Madison Jacob. Lyric was two. Eva no longer was pleased in staying there in the mansion. Her condo she still had. Joseph had now purchased her a home in Bellaire. And he then began to live more there than at home. While Sheila had now moved in a lover.
At the age of sixteen is when JJ had now discovered the kick back feeling and buzz of relaxation of smoking marijuana. Something Kammy his experienced lover, someone whom had begun to rely on for so much in his life. She controlled him. Kammy had a car, that JJ had purchased her. His father did not care how much money he asked for. Anything to keep the “kid” out of his hair. Because he was living with Eva and his daughter Lyric. That was now his new family.
So the spoiling and neglect was now JJ and his mother Sheila’s life had resorted to. Plenty of money to do as they pleased. Now armed with a license JJ had acquired a Humavee, motorcycle and a new sports car. Which all could be taken away if he did not continue his straight A’s in school. Which was fine with JJ. Learning came easy to him. Studying was not a chore for him. He retained knowledge quickly!
While Kammy kept him open with sex and weed. She was a teacher of another kind. Filling his head with worldly knowledge. Porn, strip clubs, he paid the doormen off. Well, again, everyone knew who he was. Standing at six feet even at sixteen, facial hair and a deep voice. JJ looked as if he could pass for twenty-one. Maybe…..
Kammy took him to orgies, he had three-somes with her. JJ had now knew the art of lying and deceiving very well. Making sure all of his paths were covered. Because Kammy was a “trusted friend” of the family and had been around all this time. She was JJ’s “chaperone” Not the key person to be in the life of JJ. But it was too late for that. Who was paying attention really to the needs and wants of JJ. His poor eyes and ears saw so much. He was overwhelmed with the problems of his family. But he had to be really careful. Very careful, and there were a few times that he almost got put out there in a huge way! But money talks, and all bullshyt runs a marathon. It was now beginning to be his way of life.



When JJ turned seventeen, he felt more liberated of some sort. He was not interested in his father’s business at this time. It was at one part and time of his life, he was very proud to say that his father was the king of the top three beverage companies in the world. A household name across the world. A business that pulled millions and millions a year. A business that donated too many charities and had tons of organization and non-profits. They made money over fingers . Knowing the tax break his father would get. And all the money he pulled back. The tons of ad campaigns and free giveaways the company have and the many flavors and other ventures they got off into were all successful in regards to their mother business. Sodas, water, fruit juices and flavored bottled teas. The king! And JJ was heir to this billion dollar company.
JJ had now called himself moving on from his “lover” of many years. He no longer needed Kammy to help bring women or girls his way. He used his good looks, his flair for the dramatic. Yet his shy cocky appeal. The girls chased him. And he only went with girls who were older and experienced. He had no time in training and waiting, playing silly games with a young girl. They were cute and fun to play with while he was in school. Hang out with, just for the sake of appearance. But the wild ones, well the rich wild girls he had to stay away from. His father would not put up with him slumming with rich kids who were brats. Joseph felt that that was the lowest of the bunch. Parents who didn’t care for their children. They never came to a recital, or they missed out on some wonderful events and times in their children’s lives. Yet he could not see he was living the same sort of life.
Kammy of course was livid that she had now become a distant memory for JJ. But she had made out okay. There was no way that she was able to spend all that money that JJ had given her. He bought her every and anything she wanted. And she drove the very best. So as Kammy went on to torture other young men. Turn them out, she did so in style. And she always went for the poor little rich boy.
JJ now had begun to throw wild parties at the mansion when his mother was away on trips. The tutor no longer lived on the property. She was now long gone. Her services no longer needed. It was now as if JJ was a grown man. He had no adult supervision. None whatsoever! And this was not good.
JJ at this time had went to jail numerous times for DUI’s. However, that was swept under the rug. There was enough money to make things disappear. His grades were slipping now, he had began to talk back to his teacher, he had began to lose his patience with people. And her some serious anger issues. And yet this was only the beginning of it all!
JJ had now felt he no longer wanted to live in the same house as his mother. She had now OD’d twice, and was running around like a chicken with her head cut off. She was doped up and her intake of the pills of course increased. With Joseph not caring anymore at all. Not coming to the hospital, not wanting to help Sheila at all, and the ignoring of JJ. JJ got tired. His mother refused to get help. And now that he had turned eighteen he was more than ready to leave that huge mansion that caused him so much pain on the inside.
JJ found a plush condo in Beverly Hills. And the day that he had moved in completely, his mother committed suicide. The maid called JJ already knowing that Joseph would not care at all. It seems as if Joseph was waiting on this day. It seemed.
JJ told the maid not to call the police or ambulance until he had got back to the house. When he walked into his mothers bedroom, saw his mother laying there in a peaceful sleep. He wondered where her soul went. Would she be tortured by taking her life in the next world. Because he thought she sure was tortured here on earth.
JJ sat on the edge of the bed next to his mother. She was now getting cold, and he could hear the sirens in the distance. He saw two prescription bottles on the night stand. There was also a note, it didn’t make it in the envelope. But it was addressed to him, JJ. So that he took, folded and placed in his pocket. Tears fell from his face, and as the paramedics was now running up the stairs. He picked his mother up in his arms and held her. He sobbed like a baby. The paramedics had to pry her from his arms. She was dead, had been dead. And he did not know how long. And he blamed himself. Because he told her he was leaving the house. If he would of stayed, she would still be alive.
JJ sat on the edge of his mothers bed crying into the sun had peeped through the windows. The police tried to talk to him, but he didn’t answer any questions, he just sat there silently, as tears kept falling from his eyes. His heart had ripped from his heart. And now his mother was taken to a cold morgue. Where a tag was now on her toe. Where now her funeral was the next thing that had to be looked forward to seeing his mother in a casket.
The police knew that JJ was in shock. So concerned they did call a paramedic back to the house. Because he spoke no words at all. Gave no clue that he was listening, no reactions. Yes. JJ was in shock, real shock. And he felt his life was now over. If one thing was a truism in life. JJ loved his mother. Through all of the things they went through in this life together. They honestly made time for each other. She talked, he talked. She spoke on her drug addiction, and knew she had a problem. He spoke on how he hated her drug problem and what his father had done. Heart to hearts there were many. Just this last year seemed to be the roughest of the roughest. And was headed to more and more rougher times. Downhill. And because JJ talked to his mother more than a hundred times about getting help. He was tired. Angry. Mad at the world. Because they didn’t give a fuk about him. Just the money, the name. If he lost all this shyt today, who would be there? And the answer was no one.
Joseph called JJ over and over. And JJ would not answer the phone. “Why call now?” He said. There was no concern about any of them. JJ was in his world. He had all of his mothers things packed by the maid. Books, jewelry, clothes, files, computer. All of it. And it was shipped to his plush condo in Beverly hills. Except the clothes, shoes, and all the accessories his mother Sheila had. That all went into a storage facility. She had a walk in closet the same size as their kitchen in the mansion. But, her diaries, bills, letter, notes. He needed all of that shipped. The note Sheila left JJ, she instructed him to get all of it, where the keys were. Passwords on emails, accounts, keys to her safe. There was so much information that his mother had given him. The letter was ten pages long.
The “personal” letter, Sheila wrote on the front and back. The love , the pride, the real achievement. Having a son such as himself. The good and the bad she has done. And she asked for forgiveness. And not to let what she did leave him guilty, to promise out loud over and over. She also left concise instructions about how she wanted be buried. She wanted a wake, and Joseph could not come see her at the wake, parlor, and he was not welcome to the funeral. Her body was to be cremated.
Joseph Jacob, the selfish billionaire felt tons and loads of guilt. He was not able to deal with the death of his wife. The fact that she had security checking ID’s so that he could not get in to see her, or come to the funeral. Joseph knew what she was doing. He knew she was strung out, and he knew the drama and hurt he caused her to act and feel the way she did. That he was the reason why she killed herself. Live with that for the rest of your life is a hard pill to swallow.
Joseph had quickly had the house packed up. Put it on the market. Who wouldn’t want the mansion of a beverage king? I wouldn’t, not where a lonely wife committed suicide because her estranged husband treated her like shyt.



JJ had to get attorneys to handle his mothers estate. She had so much invested in the company. So many stocks that she of course turned over to JJ, which now had him owning 55% of the company, while his father had 45%. The holdings, Sheila’s stock portfolio was very impressive. Sheila was a millionaire! She was no fool, she had a degree in finance. She had great accountants, monies set up in Swiss bank accounts. And all of it was JJ’s. For now with the stocks and holdings. He would continue to let his father do what he does. And run a hell of a company. Not mention any of the information he had received and gotten from his mother. JJ just knew that he would not have to work the rest of his life. He was a millionaire on his mothers and. That when he turned twenty-one he would be a millionaire. And that from his father, he is a billionaire.
JJ through his self in books, he read too much. It seemed to be the only thing that calmed him down. He would roll a spliff, smoke, and read. And it did not matter what it was. Mystery, science, biology, fiction, psychological, spiritual, religions, history. He did this all summer, and all fall. Could you imagine a depression like that? JJ stayed locked up, he called women up for his sexual favors. They all were so willing and wanting to be with him. He had a maid cleaning his palatial condo. A cook serving him and making the meals his heart desired. And she was on call twenty-four hours.
JJ was betwixt a world of sanity and insanity at this time of his life. He forced himself into a semi seclusion. Being bothered only with the world when necessary. He was trying to find something, and what that something was, he didn’t find it that summer. Spliffs, reading, and tons of sleeping. This was his world. He went to the bookstores on the weekends, Barnes & Nobles being his favorite. He ignored the presence of other people around him. Focused on buying the books, and feeling a form of self worth that he was pumping himself with useful and useless information.
When the fall came, JJ was not yet ready to put himself through the torture of going to school. He only knew that he had perfected his math skills. He learned a lot of different software’s that were utilized in accounting. He taught himself what his mother knew. She seemed to be his only inspiration.
Buying six books, JJ decided that he would go and travel the world. So it seemed to him that maybe if he saw new things, went to new environments. Things would be different he would feel better. But not so. Spain, Europe, Italy, Morocco, Egypt, India, Canada, and in the states. Six months of travel. Eating the best, living the best, yachting, the whole life just told him. Some places and people were worse off in other countries than in the US. He met all types of people that were into so many things he only read about.
When JJ went to Jamaica, not only did he stay high and found a great supply of it. He also got deep off into hedonism. He stayed there for three months. Studied the craft and the art. He got so engrossed in the ”religion” he lost his self with countless and countless women. Life was a mass of nothingness. And he assumed that he could receive all the care, attention, and affection from he women on the island. That somehow, this would heal his many losses and pain. To no avail.
When JJ made it back to the states, he soon found out that his father had suffered a severe car accident. JJ’s pride would not let him go see his father. And he did not go see him for three weeks when he made it back home. But in going to see his father, he knew that his father was miserable! While he had not contacted or spoken to his father. He had no knowledge that his father had married Eva! And this had hurt him even more. JJ had no one! No one to talk to, no one whom he had felt liked or loved him enough as a friend. The only person he really talked to was his maid. Cecilia was a great listener, and she never judged, just pointed out the obvious. And she was the one who had given him all the news about his father. JJ left no numbers where he could be reached. And never once did he check his messages that were left on his cell, or did he bother to check any emails.
Eva was gone out shopping when JJ went to see his father. Which he was very happy about that. She was the last person he wanted to see. For whatever reason, seeing his dad in a wheelchair had hurt him. He had lost weight, had bags and dark circles under his eyes, he was a shell of himself. But he was in his office making sure that the company did not miss a beat.
“JJ, I know that I have not been the best father I could have been. I could have done things so much differently. I know that I have caused a lot of pain for you and your mother. I have made my will, and I am leaving the company solely to you. I have made sure that you and your sister Lyric will be taken care of the rest of your lives. However, if you want to be head of this company. I suggest you do what it is you need to do to learn the business.” And he handed JJ a check for a million dollars. Which he didn’t need at all.
JJ was overwhelmed by seeing his father. And so now he had decided to go ahead and go to school. But not with problems. He caused disruptions in class, at his dads company. And he also developed a new habit that gave him great pleasure. He began to cut himself. He had a very sharp pocket knife And because he was so vain, he made sure he only made small punctures on his thighs. But when the high of that began to wear off, and he saw the many scars that was left. He had began to get a release as his mother did. He took uppers and downers. The uppers so that he could stay up all night and drink, get high, and do his term papers. Downers so he could sleep, and he would not feel the pain.
JJ had a double major, and was taking fifteen units per semester. He did this for three years. And aced every class. Still being aggravated and distraught, still being very non-trusting. JJ still stayed to himself. Using women, alcohol, marijuana and pills to sustain him. And still confiding to his maid only. JJ was driving himself to unforeseen danger. Taking one too many pills because his tolerance level had increased. And one morning finding himself waking up on his bathroom floor. Not knowing how he got there. He awoke in his own feces and vomit. Ashamed.
After JJ had cleaned up himself and the bathroom, he threw out all the pills he had. Flushed them down the toilet. And still not feeling his life was going downhill. He continued to embark on more unforeseen tragedy.
It’s hard when you do not know your actual place in life. And you feel the need to go off and “find yourself” And this is what JJ was always on the run doing. Either he throws himself deeply into women, drinking, reading, studying, school, or travel. The drugs are for him just extras to help him think and run from the issues. It was effecting him dearly that he could not still confide in his father. That he could not actually grieve for his mother. That there was no one , even his maid that he could confide in about his tumultuous childhood and the things he saw. The many things he went through, how he felt , always felt alienated in the huge mansion he grew up in. How and what would his world be like if he did not have or go through what he was going through. It seemed to him in his head that he should be grateful for all the things he has. The places he has been able to go to. But he didn’t know how to.
Life, life was made harder by not being able to, or really wanting to cope with the matters of the heart….
JJ had begun to hang out with some pretty different people. And all of these kids that came from rich families were extremely spoiled, or so JJ thought. I mean he never had to pull a temper tantrum to get what he wanted. But in his mind and heart he felt that these were the only people that he can be with, hang with. Because they knew a little something of being raised with and around money. Other people would use him, and they would feel as if they get over on him. But how could they when he never reached out to anyone else?
So began the search for acid, freebasing, and heroine. Here began orgies of a different sort. Here he saw his “new best friend” sleeping with his own sister! And he passed her around to all those within the “crew” of friends. JJ was out of control! He began to lose himself, and his morals. Well the ones that said he would not have unprotected sex. Which led him in waking up in the morning to use the restroom and he felt as if he was peeing fire. The screams that had evoked from his lungs. But did this stop JJ? Nooooo…because he caught another STD three more times.



JJ found himself sitting next to the bedside of his father. His father had a stroke not being able to talk. And the complete right side left paralyzed. His father was a shell of himself. Not the strong viral man he was use to seeing. He was not able to do anything for himself. And it was at this time that he had also found out in his circle of friends that Eva was now sleeping around with another mega millionaire. Also that she was pregnant and the baby was not his fathers. JJ had not seen his father in close to four years. He was finished with school at this point and time. And when not hanging with his boys are getting high off of something. It was then when he had decided to study the way his fathers business had flowed.
Tears fell from JJ’s eyes seeing how his father was. His dad Joseph tried to talk to him but JJ could not understand him. So because he was left handed, he made the sign for a pen. JJ found a pen and paper. Gave it to his dad. And he wrote the following things. He would write, then let JJ read.
“I am the reason your mother killed herself. Please forgive me. I loved your mom, and at one time I thought that I did not. I used her for looks and to help me run my company. But I loved her. I am so sorry that I took you through so much and was not the father I should have been. And I know the reason I lay here. Because of my sins son. And I know that baby is not mine. Eva and I have not had sex in months. She left our daughter, your sister with me and the nanny all the time. I didn’t show you enough love. And as you see the lesson I have learned. Please do not ignore me. My days are numbered, I need you. You are all I have.” And JJ broke down in sobs. Tears, spit, mucus mingled together. He let it all out.
JJ was told by his father that he needed to get his lawyer to him as soon as possible. He re-did his will with JJ and his lawyer present. Everything went to JJ, and if JJ could not run the business, everything was to be ran the same exact way if he was to die. The company was not to be sold. A trust fund was set up already for his daughter. She would receive monies when she turned eighteen and twenty-one. Of course with some stipulations. That a blood test would be required for the newborn child that he knew was not his. Joseph felt that he would not live long. Because he was giving up on his life. He was ready to die. Even though he loved his daughter and JJ. But he didn’t want to live the way he was.
The condo he had purchased his present wife and the house he purchased for her was hers. But not the house that they currently lived in. It was to be sold. He was not leaving Eva with any money. Well not big money anyways. She would get only $2,500 a month. And all school expenses, clothing. That would be handled by his COO. He would make the checks out for the nannies, school clothes. With the stipulation that there would also be someone that would actually go with Eva to shop for the daughter. Seemed silly, but Joseph knew she was a snake. And he knew Eva was nothing but a gold digger. He was fully aware of it. But of course he took that chance, and he got with her anyway. All utilities and food would be covered as long as their daughter lived in the home. What a price Joseph had to pay.
Several months later, Joseph died with his son JJ by his side. And then all of a sudden just like that, JJ’s life came crashing!
It is hard at times for some people not to carry burdens. But we do. We really do. And JJ made sure that he carried all the burdens of his family upon his shoulder. Eva would not let JJ anywhere near his sister. And now he really wanted to establish a relationship with her. She was the closest thing to his father. But Eva was angry, livid! Livid that the will she had witnessed Joseph sign in front of his lawyer. Well, it was not the same will. She was not getting all of what she thought she was. And felt as if she wasted her time with Joseph. She never loved him. And she wasn’t smart by putting cash away to the side. She spent every dollar she got her hand on. And all savings, CD’s, checking and other assets were frozen. Her credit cards were officially a wrap! She could no longer use them. The house was placed for sale. And even though she loved the small house and condo Joseph bought for her. She didn’t want to live in it. She was now more concerned with the new man in her life, she was now carrying his baby. So disappointed that she did not get the huge settlement, she knew she would live well soon.
Funny, how things have away of showing themselves. Because the man that Eva was sleeping with made her take a paternity test. And the baby was not his either. It turned out to be that young pool boy that she met when she went to Jamaica! Can you imagine? The shear shock and embarrassment she must of felt? She just knew it was her present lover. And he kept on letting her think that that baby was his. He had a vasectomy years ago. But because Eva was wild and wonderful in bed. He filled her head up with all the things he would set her up with. Eva was not able to take it. So, she gave the baby up for adoption. And she stayed to herself for a long time and lived humbly off of the money that she was given by her husband whom had died.
JJ on the other hand, well, he jumped feet, face, as well as hands on into his fathers company. The responsibility was a huge one. He knew that he had a task before him. As well as he knew that he had to think on and with a clear head. He knew that he had a problem. And so then it was when he had checked himself into a rehab and wanted one on one special counseling and attention. He paid to stay in the very best of the best.
JJ made sure that he cut off every last friend from his list. He no longer wanted to be with the “rich kids” he saw where the path was taking him. JJ was addicted to so much! He was high all day, and all night. Taking uppers to stay up and party. Mixing Red Bull with his favorite cognac. He did shrooms, acid, freebasing the best coke money could buy. Along with sniffing coke and heroin. JJ knew he was headed to a destruction he might not just pull his self from. He wanted to stay in the rehab for six months. He changed all of his numbers and canceled old email addresses. He gave the appropriate people his new information. And he was off to his rehab retreat, hoping this would get his head right for what laid ahead. He had monitored information given and receiving from the company.
JJ had been out of control for the past five years of his life. And even more out of control the past two. And not totally realizing the addiction he had made. His body went through hell, and his mental and emotional stability was on the edge. The sickness he felt, it was pure hell!
JJ had a very hard time sleeping at night. Constantly with chills, throwing up, body shakes, and heaving when there was nothing in his stomach to throw up. His body was accustomed to sniffing four times a day of heroin and coke for the past two years. He was under constant supervision by nurses. He yelled, screamed, moaned, and begged to be helped. He cursed everyone, this was to be expected by the staff. They had seen cases like this. But rarely did they get patients in the rehab that did so many different drugs all the time. This is a rarity. Because most people have an addiction for one, maybe two things they are addicted too. And one of them always is alcohol and the patients choice drug.
JJ didn’t expect to feel this bad. And his body went through this transition for two weeks! Can you imagine? He lost weight, however he was fed healthy foods. And weaned of the drugs with other drugs.
Three months came and went. And JJ was doing much better. He was looking so vibrant. Skin clear, he was healthy and had put on weight. The weight he had thought he looked good, was not a healthy weight. See when you are on drugs, and you feel you are taking care of yourself. You know, maintaining. And JJ wasn’t his body had craved much rest, and he got that. The ordeal of kicking the drugs and abuse was harder than he thought. JJ had told his therapist, “It was like someone was literally peeling the skin off his body” So the exercising and eating whole foods, natural herbs. This was good for and to his body.
Therapy was also good for JJ. He had began to share with his therapist all of the things he felt that bothered him. And actually talking to someone who could really help him made him feel better. And as his therapist listened to him, this was almost the same story he heard from a lot of wealthy and rich people. Seemed as if they felt they were never in the wrong with the things they over indulged themselves in. It was a fairytale to most that when you are rich you have this great life. The more money, the more problems. And it wasn’t paying taxes.
Six months in, and six months later he was out! JJ felt as if he could take on the world. He knew that there were some competent people his father had hired to work under him. People he knew he could trust. JJ had a certain trust for them as well. But once he got in, he wanted young blood in there. Young blood to come and work with his marketing and sales department to come up with more beverages and snacks. To have these fabulous ad campaigns that targeted a lot more people. JJ had so many plans that he had put on paper while he was in rehab, he was not going to make a lot of changes. Just implement some new things. He was indeed excited! He gave out raises that were over due. Not that his father wasn’t good to the employees. But that year there was a lot going on, and there were a lot of people who worked overtime to make sure that it was done. And JJ recognized it. Having a meeting with his COO, he was in the clear and in good standing to give out bonuses and raises.
JJ had gained the respect of the board members. He brought a new freshness that also made this board more money. Of course they had shares in the company, and stock had raised in the company. So they were sitting pretty.
JJ made sure that he only worked his needed hours. Even though he put in a lot of time in the company. And had implemented most of the ideas and let the creative part of his team in marketing and sales do the rest. He didn’t want to hide his life in work. He had to relax, and this was at the time that he had met the beautiful and lovely Sincere.
Sincere was what JJ considered to be “normal” Meaning she was not rich or come from a wealthy background. Sincere just so happened to be in a lounge poetry spot he had heard a lot of. She was a poet, a writer. And he dug that. He loved her poetry, and had gotten engrossed in another lifestyle that was so different from his. He was around very artistic and talented people on another level. And this was a world that he loved sharing with Sincere.
Now Sincere knew he had money, because of the places they would go and the things they would do. But she had no idea that he was the heir of the top three beverage companies in the world. Just that he owned his own business.
JJ spoiled Sincere in different ways. She was not a flashy type person, but she was earthy-bohemian-glam. She could do all three and melt into each one with ease. So when they went to an art gallery opening and Sincere saw a piece she wanted. He bought it. Her car died and she needed a new one, a practical car. He bought it for her. A new laptop to help her with her writing, added all the new and different software she wanted and needed. When she was redecorating her home, he helped. He painted and bought everything she wanted. Sincere didn’t use JJ. She was the best thing to ever happen to him. They exercised, took long walks, talked extensively. She cooked for him, and she would run fabulous baths for him with rose pedals and candles lit all over her bathroom. While he sat and relaxed, she read to him, and she bathed him. She loved him from the tips of his toes to the crown of his head. She thought of him always. She never tried to buy him. And especially buy him gifts that she could not afford. She did make and buy him things, simple things. And they were very appreciated.
Three years had come and gone. The company doing well. Of course the many things that happen in a business and a relationship happen. But not enough for JJ to leave or cheat on Sincere. This he knew would be his wife. Sincere now knew who he was and what he did. And that impressed her more that he did not flaunt his status nor his money in front of her or their friends. And no one had to know who he was either. Unless you may have read Fortune, Time, you would see his face in there.
I say that JJ felt he had it all. That now he was truly comfortable with the person he was at this point of his life. He appreciated music in much more detail, literature, history, art, people who made clothes and art pieces. They designed their own jewelry, incense, purses and baskets. They had their own bakery’s and were givers to their community. And thus began when JJ gave back by opening youth centers, dance studios, and started charities and foundations. His father had write offs. But JJ wanted tax write offs that made a difference. No need to be a non-profit. He hired the best so that there were a lot of “celebrities” and A-listers came to said events. Raised money that was needed to keep them afloat by doing so many things. Concerts, games, bake sales, dances, he had a good PR man and a great marketing and sales team for his organizations. But…..




Life is a bytch to you. And no one said that it would be easy. Hell if I had the information I would be so glad to share it with you. Me, me myself I have had my ups and down like JJ. My life has taken me to so many different places. And when I say different places. I mean in the things I have seen in people, where I have worked, travel, eaten, the company I keep. The places I have gone to. I have felt that maybe my life was worthless more than a few. And that is truly being honest with you, But I guess some just have more resilience than others. And you could say me and others are very resilient.
I have been homeless, laid off from jobs, unemployed for close to two years. And had no idea of where I would live at all! I have been in so many life threatening situations. And laid up in hospitals. And the doctors didn’t know what was wrong with me. I have had money, traveled. And lost everything I had, and had to start all over again. I have been abused in many ways. I have let my guard down and have been hurt by family members. People whom I thought were friends. Had my heart broken by love it seems many times. I have been kicked when I was down. And I have risen to the top and excelled one more time. And I have seen some loved ones whom I have loved dearly die. And was depressed so many times that I lost weight, gained weight, couldn’t sleep, slept too much. But then there was JJ.
We always want the best. And JJ was finally accepting himself as the best. He never felt that way before. And when it seems that the big things in life should take you through it. Losing a house and a job at the same time can take a person over the edge! How many people have killed themselves, family members. Or go to the old job or maybe a school and murder people. And some of us just go thru it.
For JJ it was not like that. The things that could have, should have taken him over the edge didn’t. The smallest things took him over the edge. Now grant it he was a hardcore drug user. And he played hard with erratic behavior. It was when his obsessive behavior took over. He learned this in therapy. He had no self control, he felt he had to do everything in abundance. And why not? From sex with many women, traveling, reading, studying, drinking and drugs.
It was a Friday, Good Friday the weekend of Easter. A day like no other. It was set, the day was planned. Sincere had taken off work. JJ was not going into the office. It was like God had made this day just for them and only for them. A nice cool soft breeze flowing in the air. Lush clouds scattered along the sky of a sweet powder blue. The smell of spring, birds chirping, flowers bright and lush green trees. It was a great day for a picnic by the lake.
Sincere was a beautiful and great woman JJ thought. Yeah they had disagreements, and have gotten in some heated dialect. But not enough for him or her to walk away from something so real. Yes they were complete opposites. But they had a lot in common. And that was the greater cause. JJ was a giver, he knew that deep inside. And Sincere was a giver.
Sincere knew that he had certain taste in clothes, dining, and places he enjoyed going to. She dressed appropriately for those events. And JJ was proud. She also cooked for him those exquisite dishes. She splurged on the fine chocolates he had a craving for. She splurged on the wines and cheeses. Sincere loved JJ with all her heart. And just as she had taught him and showed him many things. He had done the same for her. She read books on finance, accounting, business management. At first her interest was weak. But it grew when she sat in on at meetings with JJ. Writing as if she was taking the minutes because JJ gave his secretary the day off with pay. She got into how a business worked. Even came up with some great ideas for a healthy soda and beverage juice that was all natural. JJ jumped on it, and implemented that into his beverage kingdom. It was well perceived by his chair and colleagues. The drink would be in every health food store, stand, fitness centers. It was a great idea. With the list of only natural products that had a very sweet and bountiful taste to the drinker.
JJ and Sincere yes were two of a kind.
There is worry. Sincere has not called. And JJ has called all the people they both know. He has called all her numbers. No answer, no avail. So to the point was his worry. Their friends had begun to truly worry, calling others. Trying to find out where she was last at. This had caused an uproar. JJ had gone to the house several times. Her car was not in the driveway. He banged on the door, looked through the windows and sliding doors. And still nothing. And everyone calling and him calling everyone with still no word of where Sincere was. It was now midnight.
Of course JJ had called the police. But something told him to go to the house. And so he did. And he punched the window in, and just as the alarm went off. JJ saw his love laying on the floor. And without question he knew she was dead. He called the 911 told him what he had done. The police report he had placed for a missing person. There she was, beautiful, sweet, she wasn’t hurt. There was no blood on the floor. He didn’t step into anything gruesome. He just stood there until the police arrived, he had the door open. Yelling to them he was in the bedroom with his dead girlfriend. The same woman he was going to propose to yesterday at the park. On one of the most beautiful days he had ever seen.
He was in shock, no crying, no screaming. He just stood there unable to move. The police, paramedics tried over and over to get him to speak. And he just couldn’t. He reached on the side of his belt that held his phone in the case. He handed it to the police. They looked at him with a puzzled face. He put his hand close up to his face, making the call sign. And then pointed to the his cell phone. He placed his hand on his chest, and shook his head. The police knew exactly what to do. And just then, the phone rang. And JJ went in his back pocket and pulled out his wallet and revealed a business card letting the police know whom he was. And this was when he had finally sat on the edge of the bed. He just stared at where Sincere’ body was. While there were all sorts of detectives and CSI all in the house. Taking pictures and trying to piece what had happened. No one would really know until she had an autopsy.
Funny, I sit and look through the window of the cold sterile hospital room that he is in. He is strapped to the bed by his ankles and wrists. Staring at the ceiling. They called me here when he was admitted. I was his doctor when he checked himself in rehab. JJ and I remained close and he still came to see me and talk to me. And when things got harsh, this is when he would make an appointment if he felt like he was close to getting high. Never had I had a relationship like this with any of my patients. But there was something special about JJ. It pained me to see him in this way. I knew that it was going to be hard to reach him. And I was wondering would I be able to reach him. But I knew one thing though. It wasn’t because of where he came from and who he was. It was where he told me he came from. And how he felt that made me bond with him. And this is why I stand here, hurt, betrayed that my friend and patient lay there. Gone, shutting out everything in the world around him. And the reason I know his story, well of course. I tell it to you, as he told it to me. His doctor.

“Just Toy”
Written Expressions
Dedicated to my mother and father who have always have love for me. Thank you for always being there no matter what. I love you