What do you do? Being left or in "situations" that down your spirit?  And what about the things that just so come to you in "happenstance" and your are not ready for what the future will hold in regards to your emotional and mental state?  Could you be ready?  Are you ready? What baggage are you holding in your search for happiness and your own selfishness? 

 In the presence of most men I may seem to be a coward!! Ha!! And I'll be that! I will be that in a heartbeat. I was in a precarious situation, a situation I am sure that is not new to anyone on this earth. I had to leave all that I owned behind, well most of what I owned. My house, everything in it. Of course I took all of my clothes and my personal effects. Those things would be of no use to the recipients in the house.

Fortunate for me I had just had one of the apartments cleaned, fixed up and painted that a tenant had just moved out of. This is where I was going to live until I had decided to move out. But that was putting the cart before the horse. I was just grateful I had somewhere to go!

My wife, my kids, my life with them was officially over! I couldn't take anymore. My wife had been making this huge list of things “wrong with me” the list grew and grew by the day where I could not take it no longer!!! I was waaaay past tired!! And apparently she was too!

The list

I wasn't responsible

I drove crazy

I wasn't clean enough

I didn't make love to her the way she wanted me to

I didn't take her out enough

I didn't tell her how much I appreciated her

I wasn't neat enough

I didn't dress the way she wanted me to

I cursed too much

I drank too much

I shouldn't be smoking cigs

I shouldn't smoke weed

I didn't take care of my body properly

I was a racist

I talked too much

I didn't talk enough

I didn't express me feelings

I put her down when she expressed her feelings

I slept too much

I didn't help around the house enough

I was selfish

I was mean

I had a temper

I didn't know how to talk to people

I didn't respect her or our house

I was a liar

I never kept my word

I was a procrastinator

And the list goes on and on that was just a few things, the few or should I say the plethora of things she had an issue with. Never mind that I just bought the house she is living. Well four years ago, and a new car. That we just came from Paris and our kids are honor roll students due in part to me personally tutoring them, and when I couldn't do it the way I wanted. That is spend the time with them. I hired a private tutor. My family wanted for nothing and that is including love. But apparently that wasn't enough for her!!! So I hugged my kids, kissed them on the cheek and I left!! My soon to be ex-wife was not at home. I was tiring of the yelling, arguments and disagreements. And my children didn't need that in their lives.

It was early, so I called my attorney had him file the necessary papers letting her have the house and that I would pay the mortgage and pay child support. My wife worked so she could manage the utility bills and other needs of the house. I felt it was fair. I wanted her served tomorrow!

I left an envelope with my oldest son Jason, in it was 2,000 dollars. I told him to give the money to his mother. On the bedroom dresser I left a letter,

Because there are so many things that you see in me that are not beneficial and are hurtful to you. I no longer want to hurt you. So I have left. This way you do not have to look at me or deal with my bullshyt any longer. The money I left with Jason should more than cover the bills and food.”


Your Ex-husband

Once I got settled in the apartment house I went over to a furniture store and I bought myself some bedding, bed and dresser. I went and got me a bottle of ciroc and orange juice. And I bought myself a sack of high grade and called up a woman that has been riding my jock for more than a year. I never not once cheated on my wife. I wanted to, I was tempted but I stayed faithful. Now that it was all over! I was moving on with my life. And since her and I hadn't made love in over a month I was about due!

Sherry was happy to get that call from me. I knew she would be, so I packed an over night bag and high tailed it over to her place.

When I woke up, I woke up to the smell of breakfast cooking. I had put it down last night! Why wouldn't I ? I was long over due! The fact that Sherry was sexy and a mother in bed had increased my sexual energy to a height I hadn't had in a long while! Sherry was more than what I had expected and also had a beautifully decorated condo in the hills. Sherry was a power player and made mad moves in the entertainment industry. She would now be my go to girl. My rebound, and before I shut my eyes I made that clear! I had left a relationship and was not ready nor wanted to make any commitments. We were going to have fun, and attachment was not in the cards for either of us. She had agreed.

I got out of Sherry's bed and went and took a shower in her master suite. When I was done I wrapped a towel around my waste and walked in the kitchen. Sherry was in the nude cooking with an apron on. That was so sexy to me and I wanted to take her right there in the kitchen. But my stomach was growling. We had drank and smoked and both wore each other out! I looked Sherry up and down, she had no idea that I was in the kitchen. As I stood there watching her I thought of my wife. Why couldn't my wife had been what Sherry was? Truth be told we had been having issues the second year of our marriage. But I kept my mouth closed and ignored a lot. And each year it got worse!

I quickly changed my thoughts, I didn't want to keep having memories or “back in the day” moments about my past. I was so done, in fact I was so over the relationship, I mean situation. Because that is what it was. And I truly and dearly felt good, I loved my kids, buuuuut it was for their sanity and mine I had to leave. I was also hoping that Sherry and I could maintain a cool rapport and things not get sticky or dramatic.

Sherry was humming and I was bobbing my head enjoying her rhythm, harmony and her body.

“You look good in an apron.” She smiled hard over her shoulder.

“Thank you! I love to cook! So you being here gives me a reason to cook. I am always having some type of gathering, get together or cooking dinner or brunch for my family and friends.”

“Really?” I was surprised, and I mean very surprise because this was of course something I had no idea of. And Sherry really didn't seem the type that liked to cook. I saw her as the go out and eat type. And I took it as far as her having a cook. Hey she could afford it! He nodded her head hard yes furrowing her forehead to make her point.

“I love what I do of course. Or I wouldn't do it. But why not live life? She turned around facing me fully. She put her hand on her waste. I always wanted a culinary degree. I have that! I then went on to take pastry chef course. I am very astute in the art of cooking! I have invested four years of my life in this. And I always took up just regular college courses, read books. I mean I wanted to deeply inhale cooking! And I am good at some wonderful international dishes. Now because I am who I am. I know that me being a chef would not satisfy me or give me the same high and money doing what I do now. But whatever I want to learn or do. I do it! Isn't that what life is about? So to ease those culinary skills, I always cook , that is when I can for my family and my friends. And they always show up!” She giggled and turned back around and was slicing , dicing and chopping. The aromas in the kitchen were overwhelmingly powerful and tempting. Making my stomach growl harder!

“The way it smells in here Sherry, and as hungry...no make that starved. I am so ready to devour it!” She laughed. I sat down at the island. She had fresh fruit peeled, cut up, sliced and diced in a wooden bowl. I also had a wooden fork to eat it. Sherry quickly went and poured me a cup of coffee and brought all sorts of creamers, sugar substitutes! I was knocked away! I swear I never saw her as this domesticated love to cook woman and serve!!

I made my coffee, and when I tasted it, oh my how great could a cup of coffee taste? I ate my fruit, sipped on my coffee. And I watched her cook..

“So what else is it that I don't know about you? Because I am blown away right now!”

“ Most people are. I get it all the time. She inhaled deeply. I love to paint, I enjoy it very much. So I have taken some art classes. It's been two years now. I can only do maybe two semesters a year. My schedule is so crazy. So I have to really pre-plan and get everyone on my schedule. I either do summer and fall. Or spring and summer.”

“You like school.” She nodded her head yes.

“I do. I just don't take the stuff that is too deep. If I invest in something like school. I would prefer to learn about my hobby, my creative interest and things that get me excited and fascinate me. Keep it light. I could have never been a doctor, lawyer. But I knew I liked and loved running things and being in control! So of course I had to take business management! She laughed. I took accounting courses! Right after I go my bachelors degree! I had interned for my god-parents the whole time I was in college. It was always at the end of my semester that they would give me a gift, or bonus you could say. They both taught me a lot of business principles and practices. And my mother had nothing but women friends that were educated. Some were doctors, artist, writers, record label owners, songwriters, gypsy's that had money and were always traveling. I have to say I have lived a very blessed life. I took none of it for granted. My father always told me. Remember when you get on your own, you leave this behind. So if this is the life that you like to have. You need to focus, buckle down and work towards that life. He always said this to me.”

“sounds like a strong disciplined man to me.” She nodded head yes. And she placed another wooden bowl of muffins and rolls I assumed were made from scratch. She also placed a small jar in front of me that said honey butter, and the other said butter.

“I slacked off here and there. My parents spoiled me. But I had to work for it and to it. For me, I was blessed! Studying was easy and came easy. I was good at reading writing and comprehension. I love math! I went all the way to calculus! I am weird sometimes to myself. Anyways, she took a deep breath. I always brought home good grades. So the purses, shoes, clothes and even cars. I always got them. It vexed my parents that I hung out with a fast crowd of girls. The type of guys I hung around. Ohhh how they worried I would come home pregnant! Or beat up or laid out on the side of the road some where dead.” I gave Sherry a frown. She closed her eyes and nodded her head yes.

“I was drawn to the bad kids. I made sure they didn't use me. I didn't like the bougie crowd my mother and father hung around. So I guess I rebelled my way. I did drugs, I loved to smoke weed! Still do! We both laughed. But I would do lines here and there. Take mushrooms, pop pills, acid. I was like the life of the party too! I had some close to the edge moments. I wondered how did I make it through. And as my father kept driving it home, and my mother telling me I was better than the company I kept. I finally relented and walked a straight line. That is after I almost died! That is another story!

“Your life is crazy!! It is like a dramatic episode! I teased and winked at her.” She then placed a bowl or beautiful fluffy eggs, turkey bacon, waffles, more sliced fruit. Red potatoes and a pitcher of lemonade and orange juice. She then placed plates, more silverware on the counter. Cloth napkins, glasses. She filled her ice bucket and then placed it on the island. Though it was a lot of food, it was not a lot of food if that made sense. Sherry had portioned it where she actually gave us a small servings of each dish. That way we wouldn't get to full and yet enjoy. I liked that!

“Yeap! That is a whole other story. Welp moving on.... she sat down. I had started fixing my plate. My mother had just picked up another celebrity client of hers. By this time my mother had made a name for herself in the fashion and entertainment industry. My mother is very good with her hands. So she sews and can make anything even if you gave her a picture of it. I watched my mother as a little girl go back and forth to school. She wanted to be a fashion designer. My dad supported her dream. However my mother was also a buyer for Nordstroms! My father had an upholstery business. He made most of his money picking up old sofas and reconditioning them and selling them in his store. My dad always took before pictures of the sofa so he could pin it to the sofa he was selling. However my dad was a district manager for Ford. He started off selling cars and moved his way up. My mother and father had regular jobs that brought in very good money. But both of them loving to do what makes them happy. This is what they shared with me and also encouraged me in.”

“I dig that!” I loved listening to Sherry tell me about her past, her life. It gave me more and more insight of who she was. Sherry wanted what she wanted and she was an over achiever I could see her parents had a lot in common with mine.

“Well, anyways. My mother had saved up some money. She wanted her own business. She wanted to be a stylist, yet she wanted to design her own clothing line for women. Every time my mother got to $500 my dad would add $500. He only did it in this increment amount. My mother worked, saved, we traveled. She kept herself in the know. And she designed dresses. She started her business. My mother made dresses for celebs. She would send it to them courier! She had the hook up on personal assistants; who lived where . My mother had friends in every genre!”

“Your mother was serious about what she wanted to do. And she knew by pushing her product and her line a door would open.”

“I helped her, I was excited for her. I did a lot of her marketing and promotions. We hosted a beautiful party and get to know in Beverly Hills! She invited doctors, lawyers, socialites, movers and groovers in the music industry, fashion, acting world. She had a huge buffet dinner catered with an open bar. Plus the fashion show. She blew them away! And so my mother was now in the loop. She had a nice clientele. It wasn't until Janet Jackson had walked in and I hit the floor!! She had hired my mother to make her two costumes for her world-wide tour! She also had my mother design her some sexy evening gowns. For me, that moment was the defining moment. I had just had this near death experience. Right after, my mom comes in my room and says, do you want to live or die Sherry? It's your choice. And later that day Janet shows up at my mothers store office! For whatever reason her and I talked. She and I were the same age. And Janet was now in her own world. She was showing more skin these days. And I had just started working on my Masters Degree but I was fukn up! I mean I would wake up in someones bed I didn't know. Most times with clothes on. Two times without. My life was wreckless! My dad had just bought me my fourth car! My mother always made clothes for me, and I loved everything she created for me to wear! My mother was a fabulous designer and seamstress as she says. I looked in the mirror and said, this is it! And I wanted to work in the entertainment world. I knew all the right people, I had many connects. None of what I was doing had hit the ears of anyone. So I had started interning in all sorts of places. My mom and dad were dreamers, hustlers and hard workers. The reason that my parents fell in love was because they were simply all over the place and the world was an oyster!”

“Your parents were free spirits.” She smiled looking me in the eyes.

“Too free at times. I can't tell you all the different festival and trips we all went on. My parents were always seemingly in the middle of something. Staying active with the community. They sold art at these many festivals. They were always invited to the who's who of parties and galas. The flip-side of their life was they were so much like each other that when they got into it. They got into it big time. I of course hated that. But a couple of days blow over and they are back in love. She inhaled took a deep breath and placed her cloth napkin across her lap. Still dunning her apron. So a lot of me is a lot of the both of them.” I had swallowed some food that was in my mouth.

I have a question.”

“Shoot” And she delicately took the fluffiest eggs I had ever eaten and seen in her mouth.

“Why me?”

“Because you are you!” She laughed.

“Well thanks a lot.” I chuckled. She wiped the corner of her mouth.

“You are a very distinctive man. You are a power player and about your business. I asked about you. Everyone I asked had only great things to say about you.”
“But you knew I was married.”

“Well actually I didn't find that out until you told me a month ago. I actually thought you had someone. But for whatever reason I never thought a wife.”

“Why not?” She placed some more eggs delicately in her mouth, chewed and swallowed then spoke.

“One thing I learned in this business is that it is very hard on relationships. Trust me when I say that when you hear of all these Celebes and movie stars, singers etc., getting divorced is because of the time they spend away from each other. The temptation is super great and easy accessible! It is truly hard to stay faithful. The next thing being is you have a drive to stay on top of the game, your game. So you work and work to stay in the public eye. Rather that be a songwriter, actress, singer, producer or whatever. And you chase dollars! So now that means you chase dollars and not children, relationships, marriages and so on. I lost out on two great men in my life because I was chasing the all mighty dollar! Hell I had all of these connections and made more connections through the connections. So you could say I had it easy to get into the entertainment business. But I worked to get here. My love life lacked any dazzle. And my social life suffered. I will not lie, I loved getting a new car, wearing the designer clothes, handbags and shoes. Going on vacations and taking my parents with me. A wonderful life or so I thought.”

“So what are you really saying, I feel you are going around the question I just asked you.” I chuckled.

“I have a tendency to do that. But trust me it is all a point to this conversation.” I nodded my head, still feeding my face.

“When I saw what had happened, I mean what really happened. I hit the breaks. Most of my so-called “friends were all in the industry and they are fabulous people. Well some of them. She gave me a look. My office hours extended more than what they should and I didn't have a cut off point of not burning the midnight oil. I also lost two very good good friends that I was very close to and I missed their funerals. I felt like shyt! I was working and business traveling so much I was told they were sick and didn't make the time to go see them. I still get ill over it and cry. Her face became solemn. Well my point to this is. When you love and are in love and really want your family, friends or spouse you make the time. You give yourself. You put in late hours, I thought and assumed you had a lover. I watched you. You are sexy, handsome, great personality. I love your flair. Every time I saw you, you were impeccably dressed. Your whole aura. And I wanted some of it. I thought you were playing cat and mouse with me. You would flirt back, show interest. So you tell me, why are you here?”


“Yes please.”

“I have always wanted you, and yes it was my marriage I never cheated on my wife while we were together. Lord knows I wanted to! I shook my head. I have hit on women and have had women hit on me.”

“I'm sure!”
“I was very tempted! Trust me! But I knew if I did there would be no stopping me at that point. And I would feel guilty in regards to my children. You can never gain the respect of your children once they find out that you have cheated. They look and feel differently for you. I took a pause. I left my wife. I don't want to say why and get deep all into that. That is no concern to you. Just know that I have my own place. You can come by and see it. I chuckled. I need to furnish it. One of my rental properties I own. A tenant had moved out. And I had it painted and cleaned up of course for the next tenant. Not knowing it would be me. So I moved in. All I have is a bed and bedding.”

“Wow! And thank you for not getting all deep on me. I really do loathe when a man speaks on his ex. I don't speak on mine because it doesn't pertain to us, or the person I am involved with.” I smiled.

“Well I actually have my divorce in progress. I spoke to my attorney the day I left.”
“Wow you were serious huh?”

“Yes I am. So I hadn't had sex with my wife in a month and the time before that had been two months. I seen you as well, checked you out. You know you are a strong enigma of erotic and enticement. So I decided to call and hook up.”

“I am glad that you did.”

“Sherry I don't want a relationship just a companion.”

“I understand and respect that. And I wouldn't want a relationship with a man that has just come out of a relationship. No disrespect to you. But I saw you as a sexual prowess as well. And if I didn't feel that way you wouldn't have been asked to come here. So let's just enjoy each others company.” I winked and we ate and talked and shared.

Sherry and I vibed real well, and she had great sense of humor and had me laughing so hard I was in tears! I hadn't done that in a long while! We smoked another joint, and hit her bed once more. We fell off to sleep. And we woke up at it again! She had a high sex drive. You would think she hadn't had sex in months! We were starved, so I offered to take her out to eat and do a little furniture shopping. She had great taste. So I wanted her to pick out some great pieces for my new home. I had moved into a three bedroom rental that had a kitchen nook, a laundry room, and two full bathrooms. One of them being a jack and Jill bathroom. I wanted my children to have their own room.

While we were in the store my oldest Jason had called me. We talked, I reaffirmed my love. Told him that I would soon see him and his sister Justice soon. And we would have dinner and talk. I felt so much better after I got off the phone with my son. He was a very sharp and smart young man I was proud to be his father. As well as my daughter. I had established a bond with them. One thing that was right about what Sherry said, I no longer loved my wife. But I did make time for my wife and children. I spent quality time with them. I really could have left their mom out of it. But I didn't. My children were not dumb, they felt the static and the discomfort of our marriage. They saw and heard how their mother picked, nagged, bytched at me all the time and I kept my mouth closed. So she made herself be the villain, and I was the victim. I never wanted my kids to see that mean streak and evil side of me. Trust me there were many of times I wanted to ring my soon to be ex-wife's neck. And I wanted to curse her out! But I knew that we soon would be over. I didn't know when, but I knew it was closer and closer.

I loved all of the choices that Sherry had made. She had exquisite taste! Nothing was too feminine all very nice and luxury furniture that was right up my alley. I bought beds and a nice desk for my kids. I didn't want to get too much because I wanted them to pick out their own bedding and whatever else that liked to have in their room. I didn't know shopping could be so long and tedious, and little did Sherry know that she was really here for me in a pinch and I so appreciated her cutting down the work for me. Besides she was really having a ball talking to all the sales people and picking out furniture.

I had called my son and told him I would pick up him and his sister from school. When I arrived they were waiting in the designated spot I had chosen. I was happy to see their faces! I was also glad that their mother hadn't called me. To be honest, I think she was happy that I left. That she didn't have to be the one to pull the plug on us.

“Hey Dad!!!” They both said in unison with smiles on their faces. They were glad to see me too!

“Hey you two! So what will it be? What are we eating today?”

Jason told me to choose. I have been wanting to try out Carrino's”

“Well then Carrino's it is! How have you two been?”

“Good.” Jason said.

“How's your mom?”

“She is alright. I know she misses you and wished things were different.” Justice stated.

“And how do you know that?”
“Daddy we are not stupid young naive kids. My daughter laughed. Jason and I know mom is a handful and has been acting a ...well I will not say the word out of respect for her and you. Plus I heard her on the phone crying when I came home from rehearsal.”

“Just as you two know that I didn't want to go, I wasn't leaving you two. I was leaving her. She has the house. I am making sure she can have that. I am going to pay her child support and you two go to college you have your trust fund in place.”
“Dad we know this. We know you love us. We were wondering why you hadn't left sooner!! I mean mom is an act! There were times I had to sit and talk to her. Tell her she was wrong. I know I probably would have left along time ago. I am surprised you stayed as long as you did. Am I happy about it? No, I mean who wants to see their parent get a divorce and their Dad pack up his clothes and leave the picture. You cool with me, I know you got us. So we good. It is mom that really isn't. And because of how she acted, now she has to go through it by herself.” Jason said.

“And not even her friends have her back. So she is all alone no matter who she complains to. And trust she has been calling everybody!” Justice stated.

I sat there as I drove to the restaurant, listening to my kids who were mini young adults. Justice was right! They were far from naive and they were not kids anymore. Justice was sixteen soon to be seventeen. And Jason was seventeen soon to be eighteen. Our kids are stair steps. And this was Jason's last year in high school. He graduated this year we already know with all top honors you can get in high school. And he had a scholarship offered already! Justice was a tough cookie and really excelled in science and math. I had some sharp kids, or mini adults I should say.

I was happy they were okay, and I was happy and thrilled that my soon to be ex-wife was going through it as well. Ohhhh how I was gloating on the inside and doing too many happy dances! I even did the splits!

While we ate, Jason told me that he wanted to live in one of the campus apartments they had. He was looking at a few schools. And everyone of them had what he wanted. And trust my son wanted a lot! I told him he would love campus life! And the highs and lows and many good and bad things he could get in. And have fun, just keep himself in control and don't let girls, drinking, smoking, hanging out destroy his education.

Justice updated me on her schedule and what she was up to. And that she couldn't wait to stay a week or weekend. It would be good to have time away from her mom. I see now more than ever my children had a slight disdain for their mom. And neither of them felt and inkling of pity for her.

I called Sherry when all the furniture was to be delivered and asked her if she wanted to place all the décor around the apartment and set it up. I told her she was the painter. She was excited and agreed. All the bags of things we bought for the kitchen, bathroom, living room and so forth were all in bags in their perspective places. I eventually left and ran some errands leaving Sherry at the apartment home. I had to buy groceries. I had been eating out since I moved in. And that wasn't good, I was a cook, not the best but I did cook. And I had a few specialties I was good at cooking.

The cleaners was my next stop. And for now, I had to work out of my dining room, so I made that into my mini office. And I told Sherry she could decorate that as well. I was so appreciative, because Sherry didn't have to for one. And I appreciated her so much for the time she will be putting in. Sherry was leaving in two days for New York. And she would be gone for a few days. Which was good for me because I was feeling her too fast! And I knew it was the food and the sex! And I had to focus still, stay on top of my game with my kids from a distance. My rental properties, focus, and this divorce. I don't know what my ex will do. And work, work was never going to take a break. And at this moment I wanted to stay busy. Besides, there was a new project on the horizon.

The first month away from my home, I have to say things have been a fast blur! I was spending time with the kids and running around with them. They had both come and spent time at the apartment home and had went shopping to fix up their bedrooms. Justice was not getting his car until he graduated from high school. I mean I could afford to have given him one before then. But I chose to wait. And let him take out some money from his graduation trust fund I had set up to purchase his first car and get what he will need for college. Clothes, shoes and supplies. Jason had a nice piece of money with all the interest he had acrewed. My parents did the same for me.

I was also surprised that my ex didn't give any issues with the divorce. I mean she worked and made great money. All she had to do was pay the taxes on the house. That house had a lot of equity in it. And we were always upgrading, redecorating something in that house. This is the only material thing I will miss. My house. I didn't have to pay spousal support because I had agreed to split the savings and some of the CD's we had together. We had to break them! That hurt! The penalties were expensive. But it had to be done! I wanted this thing over! On the brighter side of things, the apartment home looked great and felt like home! Sherry had made it manly showroom and nice. She had filled my place with all types of artwork that she had sitting in her storage. I was also surprised to know that some of the artwork she had given me was some of her own! And Sherry was a very talented woman! One more thing to add to the list of many I loved and enjoyed about her! She told me no matter what happened to us. She was not a Indian giver, I could have it. She had been trying to find the artwork a good home. And she said mine was the perfect one. So when she had time, and I had time this is when we hooked up and had wild sex, or went out and I always got a couple of new art pieces. She said she had so many pieces she had to go through a lot!

I was feeling Sherry, I loved her vibe. I just knew something would be said or done for me to get cool on her. Maybe she would become latchey. But she was the complete opposite. Sherry for one may not put in as many hours as she once did before. But she was a workaholic! And she loved what she did! She had her moments when she put in midnight oil and burned the candle on both ends.

Sherry was giving a gathering at her home. She said that she was giving a small birthday dinner party for her personal assistant. And that she was a huge fan of Maxwells. And since Sherry had knew him, well she arranged for him to be there. This was the birthday present for her personal assistant that had been with her for six years. Sherry paid her well and she of course had a lot of perks! Sherry told me the first two years she worked her hard to see if she could handle it. And she did!

I was excited to go, meet some of the people we worked for. I mean we traveled here and there in the same circles. And knew some of the same people. But to see her in her own element and around others would be interesting and intriguing for me. We were all to wear white and bring a wild bouquet of wild flowers for the birthday girl Sunday. So of course I gt super clean and sharp and picked up a huge bouquet for Sunday. Of course I wanted to make a huge impression on Sunday and Sherry as well. And so that Sherry didn't feel left out. I had gotten her three dozen of long stem white roses. White meant innocence. Ha!

When I arrived the party was in full swing! This didn't look like a small gathering to me! Though Sherry didn't have a small home at all. But I was expecting maybe twelve people at the most, there had to be at least thirty people here! And Sherry had hired servers and a bartender! Well I have to say that Sunday was really special, because Sherry went all the way out for just a gathering.

“You look very handsome tonight! Sherry gleamed. She was wearing this backless white slightly see through silk something. It had a short train on the back, it dragged the floor a bit. It had plunging neckline as well. Sherry looked like some glamorous actress from the forties or fifties! She looked...she looked...I could have taken her away from the party! Come let me introduce you to everyone.” Sherry took me to the bar first so that I could get a drink. And then she started introducing me around to the guest. Some very interesting people, some that I have worked with but I had worked with and really didn't know till now. My name and their name rung bells. I saw how the men there flirted with Sherry on the side, winking and giving a sly smile. It was as if Sherry was accustomed to all of this. Then I had began to wonder, had she dated any of these guys? Not all of them were in the entertainment business. When Sherry introduced me to the people there she stated what we did and the company we worked for.

As I mingled and chit chatted. I had just noticed the new guest that had arrived. A male, he looked familiar, but I couldn't place my finger on who he was. He and Sherry talked for it seemed a long while. I had walked in the kitchen to get away and calm my nerves. I was over reacting. I had no cause to act this way only because I was the one who had set the perimeters of this rapport we had. Sherry was not my woman and I was not her man. We had an arrangement. An arrangement that both of us had agreed upon.

As I reached and filled my plate with the beautiful food that was in front of me. A server had walked in on me. He laughed and shook his head. He filled his tray and went back and the living area and media room where guest were gathered. Some were on the patio balcony as well and dining room. More people seemed to be arriving. This was a party! Not a small gathering. When I walked back out Sherry was giggling and this man had his arm around her waste. Then I knew it was time for me to leave. So I decided to walk the house one last time, saying my good-byes and nice to meet you's and I handed my card to those I knew my company could benefit and kept it moving. I walked over to Sherry and this mystery man and said good night to her and kissed her on the cheek. Telling her I had a big day tomorrow. She nodded smiled and kissed my cheek back. Wiping the lipstick she left behind off of my cheek. The mystery man smiled and nodded his head. Strange, Sherry didn't introduce him to me. I saw Sunday and kissed her on the cheek and I left. Feeling some sort of way.....

Two weeks had gone by since I had seen or spoke to Sherry. She had been busy and so had I. However there were too many times I had her all in my head. I knew her schedule. She was working on some big project and she would be burning, business meetings and a little travel not much. So really her and I not speaking this long was not an issue. But how I was tempted to send out a text message to her. Actually waiting on her to do it so that I could text her back!

Sherry had called me and invited me over for brunch. Of course I accepted her invite and went over there.

Hey there stranger! She said. Come on in and head right on into the kitchen because I am starved. I could hardly finish cooking! My tummy has been growling!”

“How have you been?” She turned around and gave me a look.

“Whew! I had a huge event that I had to put together in eight days. And Sunday and I had to be on everything and everyone hard. The time restraints were critical! And meetings. A little jet lag. However today and tomorrow or rest days. So I will catch up on being lazy, doing absolutely nothing!”

“Sounds good!”
“How have you been? I missed you and wanted to text and call, but every time it seemed I picked up my phone to do it. A text, a call...something! I am just so glad to have a couple of down time days.”

“I knew you were busy. No worries here. I missed you to beautiful lady.” She smiled. For me, she had to say it first.

“So what have you been up to? Catch me up! How are the kids? “

“The kids are great! Finished up on another project that went very well and earned me a nice bonus. All is well. No complaints here. The kids are great!”

“Good! Go head and dig in! I am starved!”

“So how did Sunday enjoy her party?” Sherry was chewing, she swallowed.

“She loved it! Maxwell came not but ten minutes after you had left. I wish you would have stayed. He sang to her and all. That girl was done! Do you hear me!!!” We both laughed.

“I am glad she enjoyed her surprise. I said still lightly laughing. Stuffing my face with the marvelous food Sherry had made me.

“I thought she was going to pass out! I am just glad that he came by and agreed to meet her. He brought her flowers and gave her a collection of all his music. Signed photograph and signed birthday card. And VIP backstage to his next concert here. So yes! She was out done!”

“The party was a success.”

“Yes it was. There were a few people talking about you that were eager to do business with you and your company.”

“Sounds like money.”

“Indeed! Sherry grabbed her champagne glass of mimosa and held it up. I grabbed mine and pout it in the air. To good friends and more money!” We clinked glasses and took a sip.

“Mmmm...this is good Sherry! Whew! I swear every time you cook for me I am given a wonderful surprise.” She smiled.

“So how did you enjoy the party?”

“I had a real nice time. When you said gathering, I thought you meant twelve or so people. You had to have at least fifty people in and out of here that night. You went out and hired servers and a bartender.” She nodded her head chewing.

“Sunday is good to me, she is a fabulous young lady. She is almost done getting her Masters. And I want to support her as much as I can. She is a whip and knows how to get things done. She is a quick learner and gets the job done. No matter how it may stress her out. She has been in some pretty hairy situations and I have seen her pull it through. She deserved that. I am hoping to get her on working for me. However, she has promised me that she would find her own replacement and train her thoroughly. I don't like to think about losing her. But she would indeed be an asset to me and my company. And she would fit in perfectly.”

“Look at you!”
“I have to give somewhere, and I have chosen Sunday, she is like the daughter I will never have.”
“You don't want kids?”

“I am too old for kids. I have a niece and nephews. A lot of cousins. And I have two god children that I love very much and treat as my own. I have been there since birth as a sister, brother, aunt mom would be. My hearts. She smiled. I wanted kids, but hey I wanted to be married and raise my kids with a father that I loved, married and was present in their lives. But that is not and was not the world laid out for me.”
“Yeah... I inhaled deeply...so the man that was with you when I left. The one you were talking to. He looked familiar but yet and still I couldn't put my finger on who he actually was.

“Have you seen the movies In Suspense? Around The Globe? He sings, had an album out that did very well in fact. But his heart is into acting. He use to play for the Atlanta Falcons back in the day.” I slapped my hands together. And then nodded my head hard with my eyes closed.

“That is where I know him from. I haven't gotten out and seen a movie in years. But I heard of the movies you are speaking about.”
“Sad it has been that long.”

“It really is......so did you guys date or are you dating?”

“Yes we are seeing each other here and there. I have known Kenny for sometime. We are off and on, and have been like that for the past four years of our lives. Kenny and I lose touch, well we won't talk or maybe see each other for months. And then all of a sudden he pops up! Or sometimes I pop up.”

“Okay, I didn't want to be in the middle of anything.”

“Oh no not at ll. If it were I would tell you so. Besides what we have is an understanding. Now do Kenny and I still have sex? Yes we do. But I would not consider him my lover. Only because we may make love twice maybe three times out of a year. Kenny is a world traveler. And he is fluent in Italian, french, Spanish and Portuguese! He is a real free spirit living off of his families fortune. Something he has been real fortunate to get and have. Thank God he does see to his business, or the family business. But Kenny does not want to settle down. And besides, the two men I told you I lost and wanted to marry but messed up? I nodded my head yes. Well Kenny is one of them. I don't know, our relationship is quite unique. I do love him very much. And when I see him, I am happy to see him and be around him. Kenny wanted to marry me a year after we met. We were engaged for a year, and then my job I allowed to get in the way. Kenny would have been the perfect catch as far as my parents and all around me felt. We were in deep love. But I loved my money and my lifestyle. And I chose it. It was hard. But Kenny never let me go. And it took time for us to get where we are now. It seemed as if we both did a 180! Kenny loves to go and stay gone and is a bit of a playboy. Hell for all I know I could very well the side piece. She shrugged her shoulders . And I have calmed down on my traveling and work. I would love to be settled down with one man. I date other men, I do. However you are my lover.”

“Did you sleep with Kenny that night?”

“I did. I hadn't had sex with Kenny in six months I believe.” I was feeling this burning in the pit of my stomach. It felt like this could be jealousy. And that I had feelings, I had established feelings for her I had been fighting. But now this shyt was feeling more and more real. Here it was, this sexy wonderful smart woman. I was sharing. She had no idea that she was the only one in my life. Or did she? Not that that mattered. But a part of me felt as if she was being unfaithful to me. And as she talked examining the situation and being very forthright. I could not really or should be having these feelings. And even going through this! But I was. I wanted a no-strings attached woman in my life. Someone I could hang with and have sex with. I couldn't expect Sherry not to date or see other men. And I didn't want to know how many. However I believed her when she said that I was her only lover. And she explained her relationship with this dude Kenny. They had history. At anytime Kenny could come in and take her away from me. And could I really deal with that? She said she loved him. And that it was what it was between them.

“I am glad that you were honest with me. It means a lot to me.”

“I wouldn't have it any other way either. And when I found out more and more of what was truly going on with you and what you had been through. And never knowing that you were married. Man! You would ave been the man for me. But one thing I do know. Is that you can't come in someones life right after they have had a break up and think things will be great and wonderful between you. For all you know, you could be just the go to girl. Look.....I made the choice of having a sexual love affair with you because I wanted to. But I knew when you were straight up with me, that there was no need in pushing you or asking for us to be more than what we are. But note I wanted you that bad, so I agreed to the terms given.”

“I appreciate that... let me ask you a question.”

“Please do.”

“If Kenny were to ask you again to marry him would you do it?” Sherry grabbed her mimosa and took a long sip. Sitting her glass delicately down on the marble island.

“Hmmm....for me that is a double sword question.”

“Why? It's a simple yes or no.”
“No clearly for me it isn't. On one hand I would say yes. Because he is my perfect mate. The man of my dreams. But no on the other hand because Kenny has a taste for women, and his exquisite taste for the finer things in life are not on the level as mine are.”

“But you do love him?”

“I do. And no matter through thick and thin I guess I always will.”

We talked for the remaining of the afternoon. We talked of life, friends, family. Money, our college days. Lord knows that a huge portion of me wanted to sex Sherry down. But my ego had stopped me from doing it. I had mixed feelings about what I was now doing with Sherry. The way that Kenny was all over her at that party. He held Sherry up from mingling with her guest and me for a good hour! I seen him whisper in her ear and she giggle. I seen him suck the side of her neck and kissed her gently and lovingly on her lips. And the way they looked at each other spoke volumes. I couldn't take that all night! Here it was that I had just had the best sex ever with this woman. And we had just had sex a couple of days before she threw this party. I didn't look at her as a hoar. Because I felt I truly knew Sherry's character. And one would take it as such. But this man just so happened to touch down at a time that Sherry had taken on a new lover. She said that she hadn't made love to him in over six months. When I asked her had she had a lover before me. She told me she hadn't had sex with any man since Kenny. I believed her. She told me before then she was seeing a man, but he had been offered a job in Seattle Washington. And so they of course broke up on good terms. She didn't want a long distance relationship. What it all meant to me at the beginning of the day was that ...Sherry was in love and didn't really want to give into Kenny. And her love was on back burner. What would happen to me? Sherry already was the type of woman that I had wished was the mother of my children.

On the other hand of this complexed yet honest conversation. I could see me falling head over heels in love with her! And she was right! I had a lot going on! I had been in a long marriage and needed to explore and live my life. I had children that I had to look after and be in their lives in a way I thought I would never be. I had to put in and make extra time driving to them and taking them places. Or my ex letting Jason or justice use the car to come and see me. It was extra's. I may have been over the marriage, but I had baggage, and I needed to heal. Sex with Sherry was a release and a get away. My mini vacation from all the stress and turmoil I had going on in my life. So I brought all that stress and energy to the bedroom.

I didn't want a relationship for real, I really didn't! I wanted no ties. I loved having a beautiful woman cook for me, love on me, give me space at the same time. No ties, no woman nagging are arguing with me. I wanted no woman all on my back! I had to make it clear to myself, and I had to except the truth. There were so many things going on. Yes, Sherry and I had been dating sexing for close to four months. But I had to make a decision. Is this really what I wanted? To keep her as my lover? Could I be her friend after the great sex? Food? Fun? Laughter and all the beauty Sherry brought into the relationship? Sherry asked me for nothing. She even understood that I didn't want her to meet my children. She had agreed, besides she said my kids would not see her in a good light anyways.

My mind, fought my heart. And my heart fought my mind. My selfish got in the conversation. And lust was just about to hit the finish line!! But when I left Sherry's house...I decided to break it off. Well the sex part.

Three weeks went by after I had left Sherry's house and she had called me and I hadn't answered her call. I had now decided that I really had to make a break. I knew something she didn't know, I ran into Kenny at an upscale cigar sports bar and grill on the upper west side. This place was indeed a jewel that I had closed many deals at. You could go to the third floor and purchase and smoke cigars and have a drink only. There was elegant pool tables that looked as if King Henry played on them. The furniture dark and leather. The cognac exquisite! The second floor was the sports bars area. It hosted appetizers and big screen TV's everywhere! It was a serious upscale man cave! On the first floor was the grill restaurant. It served the best deli and grilled sandwiches. Soups were fantastic and they made the best salads too! And when you ordered one, you got endless rolls and refills on your favorite lemonade mix. It was indeed a hidden jewel. And not that Kenny wouldn't know about it. But this was my home away from home and I had never ever seen him in here before. However he had conversations with the many bartenders and other regulars in the bar. I saw Kenny on the second floor. I walked over and had spoken, we shook hands. He offered to buy me a drink. And we started chatting it up. He then told me and showed me he had bought Sherry a ring, a huge eight carat marques non-flawed engagement ring! It was if I knew this was coming! And honestly it was all so crazy how it was unfolding before my eyes and the coincidence of it all. He of course had no idea that Sherry and I were lovers. Or were lovers. Kenny told me that he was ready to settle down and he knew it was now the right time in both of their lives. He basically told me the same thing Sherry had told me.

Sherry had told me that she had some more artwork for me. Normally when I picked up artwork we would have sex.

“Hey beautiful lady! You are looking great!”

“Why thank you! Montreal was great! I know you could have taken some time off from work and gone. Besides it was free and you damn sure deserved the vacation.” I nodded my head.

“True, but I would have missed Justice's opening night. Her first real production.”

“Oh yeah that is right I forgot about that. You did tell me that way before the Montreal trip. I apologize.” I held my hand up.

“It's okay. And I also drove cross country with Jason for him to look at two universities. I mean, he knocked out some of his pre-req's in high school. So he wants to go straight to a university.”

“I think he should from what you told me about him.” I nodded.

“So let's see these new pieces! I slapped my hands together and rubbed them together.. I followed Sherry into her office study. And the pics were absolutely breath taking! I smiled deeply. Sherry watched my facial expressions. And was smiling.

“I am glad you like! She clapped her hands. I saw them and knew they should go into your home”

“These will go into my office. And the ones that are there already I will put those in the hallway.” She nodded her head in agreement. I looked Sherry deep in her eyes.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

It was like a wave of sweet erotic passion filled the room! The soft kissing turned into hunger, and the hunger into touching and groping and renting each others clothes off. I had Sherry right there on the floor, her desk,her sofa.!!! It was mad passionate and super explosive. We both were hungry and missed each other. Our bodies yelled and screamed we missed each other. Our kisses could have put out fires!

I quickly got dressed when I caught my breath and told Sherry I had to get home. She watched me as I scurried around the room. Helping me with my artwork to my car. I looked her deep in her eyes.

“I can no longer see or talk to you. It's personal and not personal at the same time. Thank you for all that you have given, are and have done for me. I love you.” And I kissed her on the cheek softly. I got inside my car and pulled off.

I had placed my artwork on the walls of my mini office. I stared at them all the time. They made me smile, it brought back a fond and wonderful memory. Sherry and I in her office study. I smile, I get chills, I can feel her breath and lips all over my body. I get excited all over again! Mmph!!! I shook my head. It had been over two month s since I had last seen and made love to Sherry. Truth is, I really could have gone to Montreal. I could have left the day after Justice's performance. And I didn't have to drive to these universities with Jason. I had just called him and said let's do a road trip. The truth was, I was hurting over Sherry. My heart was broken, and I had did all of this to myself. But it was too fast. It would have been too fast to move on with another man and not have all of my affairs together.

I am sure that Kenny told her he ran into me at the sports bar. So she knows now, she knows why I took her and had her. It was my farewell. Our farewell. I wanted to love her as if she were my woman on our honeymoon night. Like we were deep in love with each other. She knew I knew, that I was being selfish. I wasn't using her, just being selfish. And I expressed the way I could love her for that moment. That only moment.

There has not been any woman in my life since Sherry. I mean it has only been a little over a couple of months. But I need to now heal from not only my ex wife which is official. And my ex-lover.

I left her. I had to leave her. If I would not have left her I would have been so deep I would have not

been able to pull myself away. So yeah, I made love to her...and then I left her...

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions


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