If I have not seen it once, then I have seen it a million times!  So many people are in "love" with the idea of love.  And in love with what they feel is the "perfect" person on their lives.  So many people have the opportunity afforded to them that some never get!  When you meet that person that is everything to you and more! And yet that person is not fully appreciated and  npw hearts are broken, lives are messed up, feelings and emotions are hurt and lies surface. Is there any moving on?  Is there any second chances?

He sat there feeling a certain type of way. As he should have, his feelings were hurt deeply. He kept asking himself over and over “How did this happen? How did I let it get here?” And even though he had thought about it many times before; and that he had knew it was coming. And he also knew that he had been the cause of all the bullshyt that had transpired between the two of them. Why was she so damn nosey? He thought. But regardless at the end of the day, he was still wrong as the summer daze were long.

Tears had now begun to roll down his cheeks. The angst and sadness he was feeling, the loneliness was suffocating him and he could barely move. The sun was setting and the light of the sunset was peering through the window. He sat on the edge of the bed looking at the closets that were open. She made sure that the closet doors stayed open so that he could see she had taken all of her clothes. He saw some of the trinkets she had packed up. The things she had recently purchased were all gone. How and when did she pack? She had a lot of shoes, clothes, jewelry and other miscellaneous things in the house. She had to have started packing her things slowly. It had to be when he was gone. He sat there now shaking his head. He sat there still dumbfounded about all the things that had recently transpired.


Wednesday 4:40 pm. August 2nd


I had walked in the door and there was Wynter sitting on the sofa. No TV, no music, no book, no laptop. Just sitting there looking at the wall and the empty fireplace. When I closed the door behind me; I could feel the still coldness and solemnest of the room encumbering me like a wet heavy blanket. I knew Wynter was not in a good mood at all.
“Hey” She looked up at me. When I bent down to kiss her on the cheek she moved away. And then gave me an evil look and rolled her eyes. This was serious; and what was going on I had no idea. So I placed my laptop bag on the chair across from the sofa. I threw my overcoat on the sofa too. I placed my keys on the coffee table and took a seat in the other chair in the living room. As I sat down I had started to loosen my tie. Lord only knew what was getting under my wife's skin. Here we were in the second year of our marriage. And we had more problems, trials, tribulations and major issues. The kind of problems you have when you are at least twelve years in the game of marriage. But not us, I had begun to think that we were bad for each other.

“Who is Liz Halt Jason?” My stomach instantly dropped as it would on a roller coaster ride. My pulse started to quicken and I literally could feel the blood pumping faster from my heart. I felt tingling in my hand. I was cold busted!
“She is my friend.” My wife was calm.

“Why lie? She is not. You and she are more than friends. So cut the crap. Get your life now Jason, please. Let us just keep it very truthful here. I have been the one that seemed to be the problem of all your fears of all of our problems and here we are again. You are the villain. And really I am so over it. I have never loved you after the first time. So you’re worried about me? Seriously? You told me who you were. I am thinking we are older you are older and fell for all of the lies. The apologies. I am over it. She stood up, looked over at me. I am going out for the evening.” And she walked out the living room with me sitting there feeling stupid, caught, dumb and feeling bad....again.


I never moved out of the chair as Wynter got dressed to go out. We lived in Las Vegas and there was always something to do in Vegas and something always going on. So there was no telling where she was going. When Wynter walked out in the living room she looked absolutely beautiful drop dead gorgeous! She smelled so good. Her hair was in a bun sitting on top of her head. Even though I wasn't a fan of make-up. Every time she made her face up she looked flawless as she did every time she went out and we went out together. Wynter was unlike any woman I had ever met. She was highly driven, goal-achiever, super creative, highly intelligent. And she was all mines! She could and did go everywhere and drew people to her. Her smile and teeth were perfect to me. She was the ultimate woman to me in so many ways. I have met women like her or similar to her and was always scared to step to them. But Wynter stepped to me. And from the moment she did so I had always negated in my head how long would she be in my life and could I really keep a woman like her in my life and how would I keep her? Even my family wondered how I was able to get a woman of her caliber in my life.


As her scent lingered in the living room, as she closed the door behind her I wondered who she was going to hang out with. It was now 7pm! It was too early for any clubs. I ran to the front window  watching her walk away. I got a glimpse of her beautiful shaped thick and firm legs. The slits were deep in the front of her long skirt. I had never seen her wear this outfit before. Her breasts were sitting high and looking perky, The front of her top and her back were out and it seemed the top she had on was too low. It was just above her azz line. Everything from the shoes, to the jewelry, handbag she was carrying and the outfit were new.


I stayed up all night waiting for my wife to come back home. Like an idiot. I wanted to call her and text her. But I refrained from doing so. I could only think of the other night when we had made love. My wife had surprised me and took full advantage of me in the bedroom! We were up all night Tuesday. I was tired as hell! I was going to go to bed early hoping maybe she could give me a little more loving and give me a sleeping pill. That is making love to me and I sleep hard with drool and hard snores. I just knew I would wake up refreshed and ready for Thursday.


I stayed up until the sun had risen. I wanted to call all night or text but I knew that she would not answer my text or calls. And at this moment I wanted to scream and yell! I wanted to call in to work and not go. But unfortunately for me I was unable to call in and do a no show. I was heavily depended on!  And my job paid me the big dollars to do what I did.


I had no idea how long and of course when Wynter found out about Liz. Liz was a chick I had met at a lounge me and my close partners went to one night. Liz was not as pretty or had the same charisma that Wynter had.  But she had a sexy to her no man could deny by looking at her. And there was nothing that Wynter was doing wrong. I was a self centered and insecure man and she spoke of this all the time. I always accused her of cheating. Her phone was always ringing and she was always busy. I had begun to loathe her tablet, laptop and her Samsung Galaxy phone. But I was well aware of what my wife did for a living and her persona. There was nothing she did that made me think she was really seeing someone on the side.  Well that is a lie, there were times and things done that made me feel as if she was cheating.  But I pushed the envelope when I was feeling a certain type of way.


Thursday 9:19 pm August 3rd



I got up from the bed and I went in her office. And just as I suspected everything was gone! All of her files, pictures of her and her family. The ones of us in frames she left on the desk and bookshelves. Wynter had a flat screen TV, DVD player, surround system in the office. Things she had paid for. She took them. My heart broke seeing the pictures of us she had left behind. I then checked the hall closets and all of the cabinets. All of her stuff....gone. I was surprised she had left some of her office furniture. I had no idea of what to do. Again I knew calling and texting her was not going to get a response. This is where I was. My wife had left me over some dumb shyt I had done once again. And I had just gotten her back! Wynter had only been back five months. And I had been talking to Liz for seven months. I hadn't slept with her...yet. But if Wynter saw text messages, emails checked my facebook messages you would read how I was “feeling” her wanted to see her again. How I enjoyed myself, flowers I had sent and the many kisses we shared.


I called no one. I could tell no one of what had happened because even when I had taken Liz's number my boys all looked at each other and me wondering what I was doing. I had been talking to them and wearing them out about how I missed her, loved her, needed her and wanted to act right and do right by her. Wynter came back from New Orleans to work on us.


Friday 7:20 pm July 21st last year



I had just lost my job and was in the dumps. I knew Wynter would be feeling a certain type of way. I was feeling less of a man at this moment and how would I tell my wife? Wynter had held me down so many times when I was financially down. I mean the rent, the bills, gas and she supported me. But the thing she didn't like was me constantly in depression and having to want to talk about what I was feeling all the time. I was bit of a baby and Wynter was the soldier between us. She had a life that took her through it! And yet I was really scared she would leave me and see another man. There were men that could do a lot better than me. Treat her like the queen she was and so deservingly. I always felt I was not enough of a man for her.


“Hey baby!” She smiled as she walked in the door with such a gleam in her eye.

“Hey doll! How was your day?” And she kissed me on the cheek. She had some bags with her and I knew there were more. A few groceries. So I immediately went to the car and got the rest and brought them in the house. She was removing items from the bags to be put away.

“Go on and relax. Get out of your clothes. Take your shower I got this babe.” Wynter kissed me on the cheek and went into the bedroom. I knew she would be busy getting herself ready for tomorrow. That is what she always did. She took her clothes off and looked in her closet to see what she was going to wear the next day. From shoes to her handbag and all her accessories. About fifteen minutes after she walked in the bedroom I heard the shower in the bathroom. I had called to her favorite Chinese food restaurant and ordered her favorite dishes for delivery. I didn't want to cook and I didn't want her to cook. We normally took turns cooking during the week when she wasn't away on a business trip. I had already had my shower. I just wanted to figure out the right time to tell Wynter I had yet again gotten laid off. The job before this one I was fired because I had refused for my supervisor to punk me! I had gone over his head to his supervisors and they knew he wasn't a good supervisor and had many complaints. But I was the one they had  let go for insubordination. And shortly after I was fired two weeks later they had let him go. So why fire me. Wynter had a fit because she knew there were times I had a mouth on me and as I complained vehemently how I was treated on the job and how I spoke to my supervisor. Wynter would always tell me, “You need this job and we need the money to catch up on bills and save.” She was right. But after three months on the job I was let go! I knew she would be livid with me. It was my fault and I just couldn't keep my damn mouth close!

“Babe I have something to tell you. I know I had a worried not good look on my face. Today I got fired.” I watched her facial expression and she was sorely disappointed. There was a silence between us for a few moments. She took a deep breath. Wynter got up and started to clean the table up and put dishes away. And we hadn't even eaten yet. That is how I really know she was really done. She had lost her appetite. And to be honest, I wasn't hungry at all. Here it was I knew that I was the cause for her angst and worry. Wynter no matter where we lived or what state we moved to. She always had a job and made more money than me. And trust me when I say that we have moved around so that I can work. And she has been patient with that.


I sat at the table for a good twenty minutes  before I went to the bedroom. This all came and happened in on my favor because Wynter was leaving to go away on business in a couple of days. So I wouldn't have to feel her funk along with mine. I know that sounds selfish but it is the Gods honest truth.


When I walked in the bedroom Wynter had her earphones to her head and was working on her laptop. So I knew right the and there she did not want to be bothered. So I said nothing. I walked back out of the room, went to the hallway and to the linen closet and grabbed me a sheet, pillows and a comforter. I hightailed it to the sofa.


Wynter had left and I made sure that I kept the apartment together so she wouldn't come home and be angry about that. I applied for my unemployment; hey it was a huge shot in the dark. But due in part that my supervisor was fired because he was a bad supervisor and not people friendly at all! There were so many employees that complained of his behavior. I was keeping my fingers crossed. Maybe they would give me a pass, I was hoping. But in the meantime and in between time I was going to take the little money that I had saved up and was going to stock the freezer and cabinets up with food. Buy household supplies and be sure to get all of Wynter's favorite scented candles and body sprays. I knew I would be doing a good deed. I wanted to stay out of the doghouse. And I wanted to put some sort of smile on her face if I could.


When Wynter came back from her business trip I knew that things had changed significantly. She was a bit withdrawn. It was like she was there and not there at the same time. Like she was just going through the motions. And when we made love, because I seemingly wanted to be inside her, near her, breathe her and touch her. I felt as if I was with a complete stranger. And I have had one night stands before and I was in some way inadvertently feeling as if I was with a stranger and not the woman I loved.


Daze past along with days. And there was now a wedge between us. As I had slipped in the mode of taking care of the house, cooking the meals, running errands and making sure that I packed Wynter's lunch, made her coffee in the morning drew her baths. I felt as if I was some sort of butler. It was when I had sat at my laptop checking my emails and I had gotten an email from Melissa. A lady that I had known for years and she and I were very close at one point and time. I was happy to see an email from her! She had caught me up on her life in a few paragraphs and asked if I had gotten some time in my schedule and wanted to hook up and have lunch and catch up to give her a call. This email had brought some sunshine in my life. And to top it off I had just so happened to check my bank account and I had gotten my unemployment! All the back pay was there! I was super excited! However I no longer lived in California. I was in the sweltering heat of the south living in New Orleans Louisiana! I had begun to miss my family and friends back home and just like that it had hit me.


Within five hours I had booked a flight through one of my boys on Delta. Mike was a supervisor at Delta and had a few buddy passes. My flight back home was pennies compared to what a one way flight would cost me to get back to the sunny state of California. I packed up all my clothes and what belongings I did have in suitcases. Some things I left, the clothes and shoes I no longer wanted stayed. There were some things that I had to ship to my brothers house. So I packed boxes and dropped them off at UPS and they would be there three to four days after I had arrived back home. I had a cousin that lived in New Orleans and asked could I park my car in his garage. That I would be back to get in a couple of weeks. I threw my luggage in the car and drove over to my cousin’s house. I covered my car up and then called a cab to take me to the airport. I was out!


Yes! I had left my wife! I left no money, no note, no call or a text. I was not going to subject myself to any more coldness and pain. I was not going to live in a house where I didn't feel needed or welcome and even loved. I was done!


Saturday September 3rd 3:00 pm


I had landed in California and it damn sure felt good being back home! I had rented me a car real cheap and made my way over to my brother’s house. My brother was living the high life and it would be no issue for me to be there. He was recently single and living life to the fullest! This meant that we would more or less be hanging out and partying a lot! I tried hard over and over to keep Wynter off my mind. I had gotten really emotional when I had left New Orleans. And I knew that I was doing the wrong thing. But why stay if she didn't want me there. I knew that I was thinking of me, but she wasn't thinking of me, nor was she thinking of us. She was paying the bills and helping me of course. I mean she had my back and all. Wynter didn't want me to get into debt by running my credit cards up which would keep me and us digging further into debt. So she kept gas in my car and she kept food in the house and paid the bills. But I wasn't happy, she wasn't happy, we weren't happy.


Melissa and I were talking and texting everyday and for two weeks. I was doing all that I could do to keep my mind off of Wynter. Since I had left she had not called me and neither had I called her. I didn't of course know what she was thinking and what she was feeling. I knew that she had to be in some sort of pain, hurt and disbelief that I had left her the way that I did. But it was better for me here. My brother had kicked in a couple of doors for me and had found me a gig that was paying okay money. I was to start when his friend came back from his vacation and a business convention. I was betwixt two worlds, I was missing my wife. Her touch, laugh, touching her, her kiss, her smile and most of all her smell. My wife had introduced me to so much in my life I cannot front on any of that! She was stupendous in the bedroom and her felatio skills were unlike anything I had experienced. She brought things out of me that had me question myself. Yet I was in need of attention and emotional support. And the conversations between Melissa and I were getting heated. Extremely sexual and I was in need of some sexual healing. I went to bed the past two weeks touching myself in the shower, arousing myself thinking of Wynter's mouth on me. The way she kissed and sucked me. I could only think of her at this moment.


As I looked up my friends and hung out with my fam that had so many questions to why I was back here and Wynter was not with me. I simply stated I needed a break from a few things and had to get my act together. People are nosey and so were my family members. They were extremely nosey and really loved and genuinely liked Wynter. And I am sure that they all at one point had given her a call. But if I knew Wynter like I thought I knew her. She would more than likely not answer their calls. Then again she could answer my mother or fathers call and go ham on me and tell them how sorry I had been and how selfish I had been. I was hoping that she wouldn't do the latter.


Melissa had finally gotten some PTO, personal time off and we had decided to go up to Santa Barbara. Away from everyone so no one would see us or run into us. Well that was mostly my thinking. The last thing I needed was for my brother, sisters, friends and whoever else to see me out with another woman. Did Melissa know I was married? She sure did! And she comforted me and accepted me and things that were around me. She didn't ask me if I was going back to my wife or not. I told her do not ask me any questions; don't ask to see any pics of her. And definitely don't ask me what happened. But I can say this, any and every time I vented or needed to get something off of my chest she was right there to listen. And this is what I needed because the communication lines had fell between Wynter and me.


Melissa had a timeshare so she booked it of course in Santa Barbara. I was excited to get out and forget about all my worries. But this is not to say that my worries did not follow me and leave me alone. They came right with me nagging me every chance they got.


Melissa and I had settled in to a wonderful one bedroom condo that had all the comforts of home. So when we checked in and put our clothes up we jumped in the car and went to the grocery store. I loved cooking and I planned on throwing myself into cooking some elaborate gourmet and soul food dishes. My favorite meal of the day was breakfast. And I already had planned on wearing Melissa and myself out in that bed, floor, bathroom and any and everywhere else I could. We would need to refuel. I knew that I was wrong. I knew that what I was going to do would hurt me, Wynter and our marriage. But...


Melissa and I were caught up for five days in the timeshare. We enjoyed each other immensely. And though the sex was okay, she was far from Wynter. I realized I truly loved my wife and she had spoiled me so in the department of raw unfiltered sex in the bedroom and wherever and whatever I wanted. She was a man’s ultimate fantasy. There were a few times I had almost called Wynter's name out when I was deep inside of Melissa and between her legs. I was having a hard time reaching an orgasm. And here it was again I was thinking of Wynter and was wondering if she was thinking of me.


Melissa was and wasn't a good diversion for me at the same time. She left glowing and smiling and was walking lighter on her feet. She seemed to have a new switch and swag in her azz. But only if she knew, I mean really knew all that sex was not for her it was for Wynter. All the same I was feeling better to get rid of the agitation and angst I was carrying around. So I can truly say that I felt better.


When we left and came back I had got myself into a bit of a regiment. I would get up early in the morning and go work out in the gym that was located in my brothers building. I woke up at five am and I worked out for an hour and a half. Three days of the week I did cardio and the other two days I worked on my abs and lifted free weights. I would come back up and take a shower then fix myself breakfast. I would hop on my laptop, clean up and then watch a bit of TV. I spent time reading and with my family and some of my friends. In one more week I would be starting my job.

So my brother came with me, and he and I caught a flight to New Orleans. I had to pick up my car. And this was the hardest flight I have ever got on in my life. I had butterflies swarming around in my stomach the moment we had pulled up to the airport. The palms of my hands were clammy. I kept my shades on the whole time we were in the airport. I didn't want my brother to see the nervousness in my eyes. I was jittery. To calm my nerves down I walked over to a bar and my brother Jeremy and I had a drink. As soon as we sat at the bar Jeremy saw a couple of young ladies and instantly started flirting and smiling at the ladies. My brother was a huge charmer and flirt. And I will admit that women threw themselves at him. So Jeremy was never short of having a woman in his life. Or shall I say women. When Jeremy and his long term girlfriend had broken up. He threw his self in the sea of women. I must say that Jeremy was a bull, very stubborn! He fit the Taurus astrological sign completely! And that is why his ex left him. He had promised many times that he would do better and change. But he didn't want to do it. And the best woman he had ever had in his life had left him. Walking away with a 3.2 kt. promise ring on her finger that he didn't get back.


As my brother flirted and chatted. I didn't give my attention to the women at all. Instead when I finished my drink up I walked over to the store and picked myself up a newspaper and a GQ magazine. I had enough issues right now, as Jay Z said I had 99 problems, and for me a chick was one of them.


When it was time for us to board I had a nice buzz going. Two shots of Patron had done it for me. I was hoping that I would fall asleep on the plane. For one I was very tired. I had stayed up all night because I had insomnia. I couldn't keep Wynter out of my mental. I kept having the strangest thoughts. Like what if I run into her at the airport? What if she was with another man? Wynter had very few female friends. That is how she liked it. And yes I will admit it I was a very jealous when it came to Wynter. She drew men to her like crazy. I first had noticed her in the lobby of a hotel. She was waiting for the elevator. And if you have ever seen the movie Boomerang with Eddie Murphy and Robin Givens. The same scene where Eddie Murphy sees Robin Givens. When she saw him she smiled and he smiled back. That is exactly how it happened. When the elevator door opened and she stepped on, I instantly ran for the elevator yelling for her to hold it. She did, and I got to see her up close and she had these muscular shapely smooth looking legs. Man! And she had the prettiest smile that just blew me away her teeth were so white and straight! I wanted to ask her was she a Colgate or crest model. She could have gotten hired for these commercials instantly!


I shook my head, I was getting too involved. Dwelling too much. But deep inside I had really wanted to see my wife and talk to her. As we started to taxi down the runway, I closed my eyes and tried to calm my nerves. One would think I was nervous about being on a plane but I wasn't at all. I just wanted to get to New Orleans, hopefully get some rest and pick up my car and Jeremy and I drive back to California.


When we landed in New Orleans Jeremy was turned up! The last time he had come to visit me in New Orleans was a year ago. So he wanted to go and hang out! He wanted to go a club party and drink. I on the other hand wanted to stay in the hotel room and sleep because we were driving straight through. Only pulling over to eat gas up and use the restroom. This was going to be at least a two day drive if we drove straight through. And we both needed to chill. So once we checked into our hotel. I immediately caught a cab to our cousins house and picked up my car and came right back to the hotel. I told my brother Jeremy to go out and have a good time. I knew right then and there I would be the one driving the first stretch while Jeremy slept because I knew that he would be up all night.


I was so grateful that when we checked into the room I was really tired and sleep had hit me like a ton of bricks. So I took a hot shower and got into bed and fell off instantly while Jeremy did his thing and enjoyed New Orleans.


When I woke up at 5 am Jeremy was walking in the door extremely inebriated. I was up brushing my teeth. “Hey man I know you enjoyed yourself last night. But we need to get out on the road. So take a hot shower and brush your teeth. You can sleep in the car.” My brother nodded.


As soon as Jeremy got into my car he went right to sleep. I stopped at the gas station and got us plenty of water because I knew Jeremy would need it. I got myself some water and went through a drive through and grabbed me some fast food breakfast and we hit the road!


When Jeremy and I finally made it back I was tired and my conscience was doing me in overtime! I knew I had to call Wynter; there was no denying that at this point and time. I had no idea of what we were going to do. Or what she wanted to do. I knew that I really still wanted and loved my wife and I had also cheated on my wife. So where did that leave me and us? I had even found a job. And this economy has been rough so I was grateful that my brother had hooked me up with a job. I mean truly grateful. I could collect my unemployment for the next 90 days until I was stable on the job. My brother of course was not charging me rent, he just asked me to buy the food in the house and buy the household supplies. Which was cool with me. Besides I needed to save up my money and I felt so guilty about leaving Wynter I was depositing money in her checking account. Not that she needed it or anything like that. Wynter was able to handle the household bills on her own. And that was a problem with me as well. I felt that at times I really wasn't needed in her life because she was highly independent. And at times she made me feel as if I was insignificant in her life. Like I was some damn entity. All I felt that I was good for was  laying the pipe!


I had gone to the bank and put some more money in Wynter's account and when I went in this time I had decided to call her. There was no answer so I went ahead and left a message. It was time. It was time to talk. I had also for the moment been ignoring Melissa's calls and text messages. I had told her that I was going through some issues and that I needed some time to get my head right which was true. I was beginning to think I needed a therapist!


Three days of agony and wonder had gone by before Wynter had called me back. When she called back I was a bit relieved and nervous taking the call.



“What's up Jason?”

“Apparently we need to talk.”

“Well you didn't feel that way before you left so why now?”

“Look I don't want to argue.”

“Who says I was arguing with you? Listen you left and you did you as you always do when things get tough and tight you always take the easy way out. Look, I filed for divorce. If you want to talk do so through my attorney. You can keep your money. I have noted the times you have placed money in the account. Good-bye.”

“Wait! Wait! Please I was selfish and I at least want us.....I heard talking in the background...I stopped talking. It was a man’s voice...he was telling her to hang up and not get upset. Who is that?!”

“And who is Melissa?” And she hung up the phone. My mouth fell open. How did she know? How did she find out?!...Damn.....


For the next three months I threw myself into work. If some of the projects I worked on required over time I had no complaints. While Melissa was looking for a relationship and egging me about what I was going to do about Wynter. I had to let her know that I had no intentions of getting or jumping into a relationship with anyone. And though Wynter had told me she had filed for a divorce I was never served and neither did an attorney reach out to me. So I knew then and there was a chance for me and my wife to make it.  For me to get back in her graces.  I loved Wynter with all my heart and I wanted her back!

Six months had gone by and just so happened that I had found out her traveling schedule.  Wynter was due to come to California for two weeks.  I was excited and was putting my plan together.  I had managed to find out through a little bird where she also was staying on her trip.  So I made sure I had pulled out all the stops! I knew my wife loved fruit and chocolates. They were her favorite candy.  My wife was an extreme girly girl.  And she loved to be pampered and spoiled.  And in meeting her, what had impressed me the most about he; or one of the things I should say was she didn’t wait for anyone to do things for her.  She did things for herself.  Unlike many of women I had dated were waiting for a man to come and take them out, pay bills and spoil them.  Not that I mind, it is a part of a man to do so.  But when you happen to come across a woman that has pure intentions of and for a man.  And isn’t plotting or thinking how to get over is a huge sigh of relief! This was my wife.  So I was having flowers, her favorite candy and a beautiful fruit basket sent to her room waiting when she arrived.  Yeah she would have a bit of an attitude and have bad thoughts about me.  But I know her she would wonder how I found out where she was.  And her resistance would eventually wear down.  I also had planned to send her favorite fragrances in a gift basket to her.  In other words there would be a room full of gifts from me.

I was impatiently waiting for a call or text from Wynter.  I knew she had checked into her room.  And I knew that she was probably going through a range of emotions by now.  Overwhelmed by all of the things I had sent her.  So instead of me waiting for her to call me after what seemed like hours I had decided to give a call to her hotel room. 


“Hey beautiful how are you?”  She inhaled deeply and exhaled.  She was a bit angry or agitated I could tell.

“I’m good.  What’s up Jason?  What do you want?”

“You.  Look Wynter I fukd up, I really did.  I don’t want to argue and talk about the past and drudge up old hurts and feelings.  I want to get my wife back.  I miss you and I love you.”

“You always mess up and then expect me to drop everything and forget everything and never own anything.  Do you know how many times you have done this?  You want me to forgive and forget and not want to talk about it.  And what happens it festers.  It grows and you slip back into your old self.  And I end up and always am the blame for everything Jason.  You are needy and selfish and no matter how much I bend for you.  No matter how much I change for you, do for you and give into you it is never enough!  You find something else to tear me down on.”

“I know I can be…just give me a chance.  Look, when I got fired you ignored me and were all cold to me.  What was I suppose to do?”

“Jason!  I had told you over and over about that situation at your job.  I had told you to hold on for a couple of weeks and that Greg was going to get you in at his firm. I had just bought my car.  We were supposed to be getting our credit straight and looking to buy a house.  We had three more payments to go and we were done!  You left me hanging with the bills and rent and looking very foolish and stupid.  People asking me where you are.  Greg telling me that he could no longer hold the position for you and gave it to someone else.  Do you know how much money that job was paying?  How hard it is to get into that company?”

“I put money in your account.”

“Yes you did and thank you.  It went directly to the credit card bills.  And it paid on the bills you left behind.  Do you not remember the debt you left us both in?  The small loan I took out for you to get your car fixed?  Yeah Jason I just paid that off.  And you think that doing all of this for me helps?  You left no note didn’t call just packed up because you were feeling a certain type of way.  I never cursed you out, talked down to you.  Neither did I make you feel bad.  Was I angry?  Of course I was!  And still I was there for you!  You leaving was your damn guilt not mine.  I still cooked when you didn’t, still spent time with you and I still made love to you.”

“You act like you didn’t want to make love to me.”  There was silence on the phone. Wynter took a deep breath.

“When I came home did you ever ask me how my day was?  What I was going through?  I was going through it at work and did you pay attention to me working late nights?  Doing reports late at night?  Getting very little rest I was tired and worn out Jason.  But again your neediness, your selfishness.  If I can’t suck on you, fuk you, rub you give all of me to you it is not good for Jason.  I have been trying and putting myself on backburner for you.  Did I not take you to dinner?  Keep gas in your car, sent flowers and a card to the house?  Did I not offer some comforting words?  Yes I was angry because you thought of you and not us! I am tired Jason, if I cannot be superwoman it does not work for Jason.  So what now?  You now have a new woman that can screw you when you want it, listen to you vent and complain.  Rub it and make you feel like the man you cannot be and are not for yourself.  I hope you find happiness in all that you do for you.”  She was right but she was making me angry.  I didn’t want to hear all of that.  And She was has always had my back when I was down.  She always put her on the shelf for me.  And I had done a lot of messed up shyt and Wynter was the soldier keeping it and pulling it all together. She stuck beside me way before we got married with all my mess.

“I’m sorry okay! I yelled at her.  And I really didn’t mean to do that.  I’m sorry I didn’t mean to raise my voice.  I was wrong, way wrong.  I want us back.  I want to love you the way you deserve to be loved.  Melissa means nothing to me absolutely nothing.”

“And Dwayne means absolutely nothing to me.  Look I need a shower I have a meeting in two hours.”  And she hung up.  My feelings were hurt and crushed.  Who the hell was Dwayne?  Was my wife screwing another man and giving all of my loving away?  Damn….now I was livid!

My life as I knew it was spiraling out of control.  I knew I knew that I was being stingy and selfish.  I was also being stubborn in a way of sorts.  The wrong thing for me to be.  Especially in a case like this.  She was right!  Absolutely right in so many cases.  I never asked her how she was feeling I never paid attention to all the late nights she would be at her laptop.  I just figured she was ignoring me.  She was doing her wifely duties.  I just should have asked or paid closer attention but I was so caught up in my damn world to notice that my wife was going through it just as much if not more than I was.  And I had totally forgot about the bills we were to pay off, her car and all the other incidentals.  But now she threw Dwayne in the mix.  She hit me hard with that one.  I knew who he was, or at least I thought I knew.

And if my wife Wynter was cheating, could I be angry?   What was good for the goose is good for the gander.  But it didn’t make me feel any better.  And if she was screwing this man I now wanted to know was sex better with him than me? Was she secretly in love with him?  Had she been seeing him all his time?  How long has this been going on?

I had decided that I would go over to the hotel Wynter was staying at this weekend.  I had to stay focus on this project. If I could, that just meant that I had to take all frustrations and whatever else I was feeling and throw it in my creative pool.  Something I had to be good at; at this point no choices.

Melissa was calling me and as bad as I wanted to see her I knew that I had to cut her off and leave her alone.  She was riding me about being in a committed relationship and kept asking me what did I plan on doing with my wife.  Things that were none of her business.  And as many times as I told her that we were doing this day by day.  I didn’t want to still be in a marriage and start a new relationship.  Why the hell would I do that?  So now it was over.  I was hoping that she had and would get the point with me not answering her phone calls or text messages.  There it was there.  My priority was Wynter…my wife.

I didn’t care how much I was going to spend on this evening.  I knew that I had to pull out everything I had in order to get Wynter’s attention.  Though my wife was and was not a materialistic person.  I knew one thing was that she enjoyed being spoil.  And I enjoyed spoiling her, it was a pleasure because I knew that Wynter was a woman who appreciated it and she was not a user.  At the end of the day Wynter could have any man that she wanted as far as I seen it.  And she had a lot to offer a man.  So when I got the opportunity I made sure I did what I needed to, I didn’t want to lose her.

I came home from work and I took a shower and got dressed.  I put on my wife’s favorite cologne and I stopped by the florist and got her favorite flowers.  Sixty dollars I spent on a beautiful bouquet of white lilies.  Wynter loved seafood so I was taking her to a five star restaurant that served the best of the best seafood and the ambience was perfect.  It was intimate and the service was impeccable.  I knew this would put a smile on her face.  It was putting a smile on mine. 

I watched the front lobby as I sat at the bar nursing a cognac.  Sipping slowly trying to calm my nerves.  And in she walked looking stunning as usual.  I quickly downed the rest of my drink and left a tip by my glass.  Grabbed the flowers and quickly walked over to Wynter.  She was headed to the elevator.

“Hey beautiful”  I smiled and she turned around surprised to see me.  I could tell she had a long day.  Exhaustion was on her face. 
“Hey.  What, what are you doing here?”

“I am here to put a smile on your face.  Would love to talk and take you out to dinner.  Seafood your favorite food.  Whatever you want to do whatever you need I got you tonight.”


“Wynter…” She inhaled deeply and rolled her eyes. 

“What do you want?  You left you have your life and let me have mine.  You did what was best for you….”

“And I messed up big time I should have not left.”

“And what about Melissa?”  And she looked me dead in the eyes, straight on.

“There is no more Melissa.  This was not the time to ask her about Dwayne.  I was being selfish Wynter is all.” Wynter got on the elevator and I got on with her.  She didn’t say not to.  My nerves were all over the place.  I was anxious and nervous all at the same time.


Saturday 12:30 pm August 5th


Day two of Wynter being gone and I am so damn lost and hurting so bad right now.  I knew that Wynter would not take my shyt for too much longer.  I was slipping got caught slipping and I was back to my old ways.  Oh yeah, I had gotten the first time.  I romanced her and let her fuss and we talked and we talked and she cried and I cried.  Those tears were long gone for Wynter.  I had been doing the same shyt the same thing.  She works hard, too tired not giving me what I feel I need.  I start on a series of tantrums.  I get insecure and do the jealous thing and accuse her of other men.  Because men throw themselves at her I have seen it too many times.  I then go and pull someone up from my past or meet somebody at my job.  It always starts off innocent and then it gets to being sexually intimate. 

Liz Halt was the last person or woman I would have gotten involved with.  But Liz had cast a spell on me in an indirect way.  I was so caught up in work, my mind all day would be on Wynter.  How much I loved her and wanted our relationship to work.  Our marriage meant the world to me.  I had an opportunity of a lifetime.  My boss Patrick Kelly who hired me just on the word from my brother when I moved to Cali; he had recommended me for a job unbeknownst to me.  At this time Wynter and I had been talking about working it out.  I stayed in Cali and she got her life together in New Orleans.  I wanted to have a place for Wynter to come to that was ours when she came back.  I was paying for the movers to move all of the furnishings to Cali.  But when I got this call it changed up a lot for me.

When Patrick told me to go to the interview in Las Vegas I was very hesitant.  But he told me the guy was very interested in hiring me that he was setting me up with a suite and all meals and gambling for two days.  It was an all inclusive deal, and Patrick was now my boy undercover though.  In the way that Patrick and I got real close real quick.  I showed him I was a beast and I loved work and I worked hard.  I proved myself and Patrick liked that and my ideas.  He saw I was a beast in the boardroom.  Patrick wish he could pay me what my worth was.  But after giving me bonuses, and two pay raises he could do no more than that.  I had now been there five months.  I brought in a few cash cows for Patrick’s company.  So in comes a high roller in Vegas who owns and runs three of the high echelon casinos and hotels.  This was a six figure job with great perks and a generous benefit package!  So in my head if Wynter could work from home and anywhere why not come to Vegas? It would be a good look for her.  Her company was always sending her to Vegas anyways.  So if I could do better and make things a whole lot better than  I would.  I wanted my wife to have the wonderful house and drive a car befitting to her.  So when I went on the interview I sold myself.  What I didn’t know was the job was already mine.  Mr. Karson just wanted to meet me in person.  We partied, gamble, smoke cigars, massages, swimming pool hang out, and drank.  He showed me some of Vegas and his casinos.  I smiled and knew that Wynter would be so happy and excited!

“Aaaaaaarrrrghhh!!!!!” I had my hands on my head.  I had to scream out! My wife had left me and there was no coming back!  What the hell was I going to do now?  I had to fall for it.  Why couldn’t I just be happy for my wife like she was for me?  She had come to the west coast for me.  To be back with me after all I had done.  She gave me a second chance!  I couldn’t let her have her moment!  Wynter had been working so hard on her job for the past four years and she had finally been promoted to the position that she told me she would get and have when we first met.  What would have taken others longer to attain, Wynter had a five year plan! 

Wynter would now be home a little more.  Still traveling here and there but not as much.  And because she worked well via virtual office.  Wynter was a top closer on her job.  She won many trips, bonuses, trophies, awards and so on.  She was about her money and she knew how to sale and charm the devil.  She was closing on huge accounts that no one could close in her company.  So they sent her to one giving her a chance because she was doing so well since she had started.  Well that was all she wrote because she went and closed all those accounts other reps couldn’t.  And earned the name the “seductress closer”  the men said she would seduce the male clients.  And they couldn’t do it.  Which was far from the truth, my wife just had natural skills like that.

Wynter had been working like crazy and my schedule was crazy as well. Sometimes I was at the casinos at night, in the late evening and over at times into the wee morning hours.  But this was a six figure job! So some things were expected and I worked very hard to keep my job.  And I love what I do.  Wynter and I had barely been seeing each other but we had made sure to set two weeks off from our demanding jobs and go on a cruise to Hawaii. Then a couple of days in Santa Barbara.  The rest of the time we were going to just sit at home.  Drink, eat, and make love.  Walk around with no clothes on. Skinny dip, act like two teenage lovers with the house all to themselves and the parents are gone.  I was looking forward to it, we both were!

And yet here I go and  I got caught up with Liz! Because Wynter was gone so much tying up unfinished deals it seems all over the place.  I was cooking at home but barley.  I mostly ate at the casinos.  Liz knew this and would make these meals for me that were fit for a king!  She said that on her off days and some days during the week when the spirit hit her she would cook for herself.  She would make meals for the whole week.  Freeze them like TV dinners and there she would have her dinner, lunch and sometimes depending on her mood  desert. Liz was a very healthy eater my meals were healthy, extremely tasty and filling.   This is how it started, and because she did this for me I had decided for us to go hang out one night.  We did, and I hadn’t had that much fun in a long time! We talked about so much.  Too much on me my part because Liz ate up everything.  We started hanging out more.  Going out to dinner, lunch and hanging at some show or club.  And it was the one night she and I had too much to drink, I walked her to her front door because she was so drunk.  She could barely walk without swaying and veering to the left or the right. I reached out and our lips met and it was fire! The last time I had had sex before Liz and I was going on three weeks.  And Wynter was coming home the following night.  We both had build up!  Phone sex, Skype sex! We did it all!  And here I was in a web, I could have stopped but  lust had the better of me.  Liz was sexy and had a beautiful body!  I mean she worked out every day before and sometimes after work.  Liz and I had sex on her living room floor, in her bed, in her bathroom and in the kitchen!  I couldn’t believe the night we had! We were sexing into the morning! And here it was I would be making love to my wife in twenty four hours!  Dammit!!!

Liz and I were over our heads.  Liz would want to have sex anywhere.  And for me that was the exciting part about her.  We never got a room, we would meet up in the oddest places and have sex.  We were always texting each other naughty messages. And Liz would send me funny and kinky emails.  She left notes at various places in my office where she knew only I would find them.  She was an adventurer, and that is what I needed and I wanted.  Because I was missing  that from my marriage.  Now look at what has happened?  My wife catches me for the second time!  After I had invested so much in her coming to be here with me.  I wanted the best for Wynter.  When Wynter got to Vegas I made her sell her car and I bought her a new one.  We lived in the penthouse for a week and because the banks knew who Mr. Karson was and the recommendation he gave me I got a bank loan instantly! I tell you how a good name has pull here!  Wynter and I looked for a house in the boogie high echelon area of Vegas.  Five bedrooms, four baths, office, family room, pool, Jacuzzi!  All brand new house no one had ever lived in it!  It was a gated estate community with a guard out front.  She loved it and so did I!

I walked through the rest of the house, room by room.  I was scanning the rooms.  Her pictures, family and friend pictures and some art work she had purchased was gone.  Wynter had wanted to decorate two of the bedrooms and she paid for the bed, bedding and furniture.  I was glad she had gotten it all!

I had walked into the hallway, tears had started to fall again.  I had leaned up against the wall and slid down to the floor.  My back resting on the wall and I leaned on my knees and I cried silent tears then I sobbed out loud! It was over.  I had messed up big time. When I finished my deep hard cry I could feel my eyes swollen and puffy from crying.  I slowly got up with my bare feet and boxer briefs on and I went to the kitchen and I wanted to drown my sorrows in the liquor.  I didn’t want to call anyone and tell them that Wynter had left me because once again I had fukd up badly. I knew when I took Liz’s number at the bar it was the wrong thing to do.  I knew when I had found out that she worked for one of the casinos Mr. Karson had employed her at.  Or shall I say the hiring manager.  I had her transferred to the casino I spent the most time at.  And once the hanging out, the cooking….it just led to more than it should have been.  And it wasn’t to say that I didn’t have a spectacular wife.  I adored and just about worshiped Wynter.  When she was home she cooked and cleaned.  Ran errands for me and her.  She always made sure all the bills were paid.  She was great with finances and I gave her full reign of the money.  She paid off so many credit card bills and got us out of debt.  When she was home she sexed the hell out of me and made sure that she would come see me as much as she could even if that meant her coming up to the casino in the early morning just to have a late night dinner or breakfast.  Here we were a couple of weeks from vacationing.  A day before she had come home and now this.

Just as I had downed my first shot the doorbell had rung.  My heart was racing, I was hoping that it would be Wynter.  But why would she ring the doorbell?  And then I realized yes she would have to because she left her keys and the garage door opener on the bed. 

“Who is it?!”
“Fed-X!” I didn’t order anything but maybe Wynter did.

“Just a minute!”  I yelled.  I ran to the laundry room and found some jeans and a T-shirt.  I put the clothes on real quick.  I lightly jogged to the door.  The Fed-X guy asked me was I Jason Stewart.  I nodded yes and he gave me his electronic clipboard to sign.  I did and handed it back to him.  And he handed me a small rectangular box. 

“Thank you”

“You are welcome sir have a great day!”  He smiled and walked off to get back in his truck. Just him saying have a nice day and not know the day I was having so far, the last couple of daze had been surreal. I walked back into the kitchen and poured me another drink and then sat at the kitchen bar.  I opened the box and then took a sip of my drink.  When I opened up the box there looked to be a lot of photographs.  All black and white pics of me and Liz.  Us kissing, us having sex!  After I had looked at about ten pictures I was sick on my stomach.  This is how she caught me!  She had me followed by a private investigator!  In the box also were divorce papers!

I downed my drink.  I had lost the best thing that ever happened to me.  My wife Wynter never trusted me and she trusted me to do me.  And she knew and had to feel that I was being unfaithful.  The question I had now was how long did she know???

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions


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