Isn't it fantabulously ironic that we are all actors? 


I got more drama in my life than a man who has been
convicted of kidnapping, murder, and robbery with a deadly
weapon. And trip this here, the man is really innocent. They got
the wrong guy. And they are talking about not only giving the man
triple life. But sending his azz to the chair. Now that's real
drama for your azz! When I was a little boy my mother use to
watch the soap operas.

Everyday five days a week. It didn't matter if she was working
or not. My mother was going to see those soap operas. When
she wasn't working she would watch them at home. And when
she was working, she would watch them at work. She had a
small portable TV on her desk. And she had an earplug plugged
into the side of the TV. Where she could know and see the extra
curricular activities of Luke and Laura. The Casadines mixed up
family. Or what Erica Kane was going to do, or how Ace
Buchanon was going to pull a dirty and evil trick on someone.
And how Vicki was going to try to solve everyone else's
problems. Yeah that was my mother, she loved all the drama
the soaps had to offer. And when I wasn't in school I watched
them with her. And she would tell me who did what and to who,
and what was her whole intake was. How the characters were
getting pregnant by somebody and the daddy who they say was
the daddy. Well he really wasn't the daddy.

Now you can pretty much give it to the ladies in watching
soaps religiously. But a man? Nah, it wasn't happening. A man
wasn't supposed to watch soap operas now was he? But I had
got addicted to watching those things. And when I got older I
would tape them. And I thought that no one had drama in their
lives like the soap opera drama. People had problems they went
through things. But not shyt day in and day out. Shy! I had a lot
to learn.

Now as I grew into a man I took a lot of those story lines and
applied them to myself. Or so it seemed. Because my life was
just like a damn soap opera. Like one life to live with all my
children hanging out with the young and restless. My life was
full of adventure from one end of the rope to the next. Let me
explain.

It all started with Terry. A girl who I thought I loved at the time.

We were both eighteen and Terry had gotten pregnant. I
thought hard and hard on how this could have happened.
Having a child was the last thing I wanted and needed in my life.
I had just graduated from high school. I wanted to go back to
school or maybe join the army. But I know I saw myself as open
as the wind. And where ever the wind took me I wanted to move
and go with that flow.

Now I wasn't stupid I knew how babies were made. And I
was wondering how a girl could get pregnant on the pill and me
using condoms. But Terry said that I was her first lover and that
the baby was mine for sure. And that like it or not we were both
going to be a mother and a father.

Now my boys were giving me the low down on Terry. Telling
me she wasn't any good. She was a liar, a cheat, and a
manipulator. Not my baby! not my Terry! She was as pure an
innocent as the driven snow. Plus I was in love and I loved me
some Terry! More than any of my boys had ever been in love.
They were all jealous I knew they were.

So I worked two jobs instead of one and I did everything and gave
everything to Terry. I had even found us a small one-bedroom
apartment. Terry worked a little part-time job that is until she
could no longer work. And we were happy or so I thought. Not!

Now my neighbors had been telling me that they had saw a
few men come in and out of my place. And after hearing these
reports for so long. I had decided to do a little investigating. I
had watched my place for about a week. And to no avail, I had
seen no men in and out of my apartment. So I let it pass.

Terry had the baby and when the baby was born I was
there. I was so happy and so thrilled at becoming a father. And
seeing the birth of my first and very own child had done
something to me. I wanted to make sure that she had everything
she needed. I had promised her that and I had promised
myself that. Besides, she did have more than she needed when
she got here. A closet and drawer full of clothes all different
sizes. Some of the clothes couldn't fit in the closet and drawers
they had to stay packed. Enough diapers to take her through
her first seven months. I made sure she had more than enough.

Then it happened, one day I was holding my daughter she
was about four months old. And Terry came into the living room.
She was looking way stressed.
"I got something to tell you Von. And I really don't know how to
say it."
"What's wrong baby?" Then there was a knock at the door. Terry
got up and answered it. It was a dude, and to be honest with
you I had known a little bit of the plot.
"Did you tell him?"
"Tell me what?"
"Von this is Mickey, and Mickey is Gloria's daddy. And I'm leaving
you to be with Mickey. I'm sorry, I really wanted you to be the
daddy. And when Mickey had left. I thought he was leaving me
for good. But we have talked about it. And we want to be
together."
"What! You mean you led me to believe that Gloria was my
child? How could you do this to me? After all I have done! I put
my life on hold for you." Then I heard that organ soap opera
melody in the background. I heard the tempo rise with my voice.
I saw the cameras in the room. This was a joke.
"Look man, I appreciate everything you done for my baby girl.
And I plan on paying you back. But Terry loves me dawg. She
ain't never loved you. You played yourself."
"I am so sorry Von. I hope you can forgive me."
"So just like that you are leaving? I mean you are taking Gloria
and everything?"
"Yes."
"What about my name being on the birth certificate." She looked
away to the floor. And I heard the music again stirring up.
"I never put your name on the birth certificate. I knew Gloria
wasn't your baby. I put Mickey's name on it." And I looked at
Mickey.
"So you used me? You fooled me into believing you were
carrying my child? I didn't want to listen to my boys. I didn't want
to do it. They said you were a tramp!" And just that quick, I felt a
sting from a slap. And after that, I felt a fist hit my face. When I
woke up. I was lying on the floor. Blood and spit oozing down the
side of my face. I looked around the room and it was if my heart
had moved up to the side of my face. And it was beating hard. I
felt the side of my face and it was swollen. And I could feel the
tightness of it.

I slowly got up slightly dizzy. I got my bearings, I looked
around the apartment and it looked as if they made a quick
beeline through the house. I could see what was missing. And
there was quite a bit missing. I just stood there looking at
everything. Holding the side of my face. I was used, abused,
and left for shyt. I heard that music playing in the background.
And then comes the commercial break. Because now you are
left in suspense; what is going to happen next? Will he counter
act? Will he call the police? What will Von do?

Well I did call the police and file a report. I even went down
and took pictures of my face. My pride was the thing that hurt the
most. Along with my ego standing first in line I sat in my
apartment not eating, bathing, and I took off from work for the
next three days. I told them I had family business to attend to. I
never missed a day of work, never. So I felt that these three days
were very well earned. They were my sick days anyways.

I did go looking for Terry. I went by her mother's house and
sister's place. I went to her friend's house and I looked so
pitiful as I re-told my story over and over. Everyone seemed to
side with me. And everyone showed his or her deepest
sympathy. It wasn't enough I mean they licked my wounds but I
wanted revenge. I wanted to go find him I wanted to kick his
azz!

But that would never be only because they had left and moved
out of the state. And that pissed me off even more. Because I
had no idea of where they were. And I felt homeboy was a real
big wimp; a big soft azz. Because he couldn't fight me like a
man and he hit me and he stole from me. Then  he left the state with my girl and what I thought to be my child.
A fucking coward!

Now it took me a while to heal from that hurt. And I didn't want
to penalize another woman for a sad azz woman's mistakes.
But now I was slightly cautious well I was way more cautious.


The next episode, or act in my life came when I wanted to
throw caution to the wind. I had decided to sell everything I owned.
And I sold my raggedy car I and I bought my Uncle's old
motorcycle. He helped me get it in real great working order. While we
fixed the motorcycle I studied to get my license so I could roll it.
And I had packed the essentials of what I needed. I wanted to
leave and roll cross-country. And wherever I felt like home I
would move there.

I rolled from state to state for three weeks until I got to
Philadelphia PA. Yeah Philly felt like home to me. I liked all of
what I saw and this was my new home. So I found a motel
room to stay in  I called my mother and I told her to wire my
money out to me. I cleaned myself up bought a suit,
hooked-up my resume, and I went to job agency's and interviews.

I found a huge studio apartment with hardwood floors! I was
in love from the moment I saw the place. It had a huge kitchen
with a breakfast nook and bar. And the bathroom was huge as
too. Long and wide windows so you could get a lot of light in
the place.

I had to start from scratch so I got my place together slowly.
Oh did I mention the place had a huge brick fireplace? Yeah
this was home to me.

Now I had managed to get jobs through a temp agency that
had found me a real good job and the pay was great too. And things were going really good. I wasn't
looking back at my past , it was just that  my past. And I was moving on to my
future.

Now you know you meet people, befriend them, get to know
them. And that's what I did I kept an open mind in Philly sense
it was the capitol of brotherly love. I met and befriended all sort
of nice people. People who were funny, shy, smart, conservative,
and those who were wild and over the top.

I had met this dude name Casey, Casey was a wild
closet head; you would never look at Casey and think that he
was wild or a loud mouth because Casey was always quiet,
kick back, sweet, and spoke in short sentences. Everyone loved
Casey. But not everyone knew Casey how I knew Casey, It was
like he lived a double life or something.

It was a quality that pulled me real close to Casey. And I
knew when I met Casey he would have me in a whole lot of
trouble. My first mind thinking going 90 south and 120
west. Leave this dude alone! But I wanted some excitement
and I knew Casey would give it to me. Take me to all the local
watering holes. The entire top spots to eat, the entire bomb
azz clubs to go to. Where I could listen to some pure jazz or
some acid jazz.

Not that it matters much but Casey was a mixture of a
Korean and half-white mother. And a father who was half-white
and black. So Casey pulled heavy on all three sides of his culture. 

He had strong and strict values when it came to home life,
work, family, education, and the sanctity of marriage. He acted
like an all- American young man to me. Casey was just out of
the ordinary to me and here is where the soap opera music
comes in.

Casey had invited me to this house party and the theme was
a masquerade pajama party. Now, when we get to the door we
can't introduce ourselves as ourselves. We pick three names
from out of this hat and that is our name all night. Or you are
punished, I liked the whole anonymous thing.

There seemed to be a room for any and everything. As I had
gotten my drink I walked the halls of this huge house. And you
could go in certain rooms and experience certain things. Drugs,
drinks, music, sex. This was something out of a triple X story
line!

I looked in every room and the things I saw people doing, it
was off the hook in a real way! Now I never knew that Casey got
high, Casey did it all just about. Sniffing lines, hitting a joint,
drinking, and shrooms. The man was a walking drug
commercial, I saw Casey get totally stoned. And I was
wondering how I was going to make it back to my house.

Mostly out of amazement I just kept walking around the
house. And posting up watching people I observed a lot that
night. Only because I had never witnessed anything like that
before.

Well to say the least Casey couldn't get me home. So I had
to get a cab home. And these people were pretty nice folks. But
not really my type because everyone seemed to be on
something. And they all looked like walking zombies or
demons! And that's way real!

Now I didn't hold it against Casey for what he did on his spare
time and I wasn't going to past judgement. I just asked him to
keep me away from all the drugs. Because that shyt was never
really my thing. I had a drink or two, but the dope I said nope to!

My first mind was telling me again to walk away from
Casey. To leave his azz alone! But I didn't listen instead I just
hung out with Casey every now and then. And we did the shyt I
and he both enjoyed doing.

Casey and I were doing a little double dating here and there.
And we had settled on these two hot females we met. They were
all of that! Fun to hang around, fun to talk to took life for what it
was worth. These were the typee of women that a man wanted to settle down with.

We would spend time at my place and time over at Casey's
spot. We cooked meals together did the  fun outdoor concert thing.
You know, hang out. Casey had won them both over with his
odd personality and he worked for it. I give him that Casey left
nothing to chance.

Casey moves Serena the girl he is now in love with in his
spot. They are heavy and deep with each other right? Okay, to break
everything down to you on the spot. Without taking you through
each stage of how we found out. I'll just kick it like this.
Serena was just breaking up with her boyfriend. She was still
living in the house with her ex while she dated Casey. This
explained why we never went to her house. Now Serena and
Barbie were lovers on the side. We found that out later when
they were both willing to sleep with Casey and me together.
Swapping partners the whole nine. Serena was dying to
leave the house and she didn't have any money to get her own
place right away. So she told Casey her roommate that she had
been having all these problems with. Well "she" was putting her
out. So Casey not wanting to see her in the street. He told her to
come live with him. So she and Barbie packed all her things up.
Put some in storage and taking the rest over to Casey's house.

The relationship was moving very fast as I said before. So in
a matter of three more months that pass Casey and Serena
decided to get married. And Barbie and I are getting closer, but I
really don't like the idea that Barbie and Serena are still sleeping
together. And Casey is finding it a little unbearable too. But
the girls said they loved each other they would not stop!
Even with Serena marrying Casey.

Crazy life do you hear the music playing in the background?
Well Come to find out later that Serena is not only sleeping with
Casey and Barbie, she is still seeing her ex! And Casey finds
this out by following her one-day, he walked up to the house found out what room they were in. And heard Serena
screaming to the top of her lungs from pleasure.

Serena was planning on getting back with her ex. At least that
is what she was telling him. And Barbie was hurt because she
knew nothing about it. So she was crying on my shoulders.

Saying she thought they had a relationship better than that. I
didn't know who needed me the most, Casey or Barbie.

So one afternoon Casey and Serena have this wild argument.
Now Casey still wants to work it out with Serena, why I don't
know. Love? So they tear up the apartment, police were called.
And there was so much damage done to the place the landlord
put their azz's out! Serena really couldn't go back to her ex
because he really didn't want her back he as just using her.
And wanted to see for how long he could sleep around with
Serena. Listen, shhh....... you hear that? It's the music!

So Casey having no where to go I told him to pack his things
up, and come stay with me until he found a place to stay. And I
spent a lot of my time over at Barbie's place. Serena went back
and forth from Barbie's place and my place. Yes they both were
still together!

I had spent the weekend with Barbie I needed to get away.
And Serena was over at my pad. When I came home there is an
eviction notice on my door. I was getting put out! And I was
getting put out for over crowding. There was only to be said
persons living at said apartment. In other words, they weren't on
the lease. Plus I had broken the ordinance rules. Or they did. My
neighbors said they had to call the police three times this past
weekend. Said it was hollering, cursing and screaming. The
last time the police were called they took Casey to jail.

When they took Casey to jail Serena stayed at the house
waiting for me I guess. And she knew that the landlord was
looking for me. But she didn't call me over at Barbie's house. I
was so heated with Casey and Serena I couldn't even look at her
or be around her. Barbie was slightly pissed at Serena for still
sleeping with her ex and not telling her about it. But when she
saw the tears she instantly forgot about everything that had
happened. The place that I had fell in love with, the place I didn't
have any intentions of leaving anytime soon  I had to leave and had no idea of where I would go.


I went and talked to the landlord to explain the situation. She
was an older lady who stuck to the rules and was stubborn as a
bent nail. She was not going to give me a second chance. I had
four weeks to find a place to live. Because the relationship was
still fairly new I didn't want to impose on Barbie. And I was
starting to look at her differently, which she didn't deserve it. But
it seemed as if she had condoned Serena's behavior.

I had to pull Barbie to the side and tell her she needed to get
Serena out of my place. That I was being nice after all she had
done. And look what nice had got me I had to go and look for a
place to stay.

Casey went to court and they let him out on Monday. The
judge gave him probation. And he had to attend  anger management
classes, along with counseling. When Serena was the
one who needed to get counseling. Casey came back to stay
with me when he got out. And we went to go look for a place
together. We ran into luck when an associate told us they had a
place up for rent. It was a two bedroom with hardwood floors,
fireplace, and a small den. So we moved in. Again against my
better judgement right? But I couldn't stand to see my boy out
like that.

Serena had still stayed with Barbie and they were now
arguing about a little of everything and were no longer getting
along. Serena was a scandalous player, she let
her shyt just be all out in the open.

Flash-forward about three weeks. I come home from the
grocery store on a Saturday and from doing a few errands. And
when I walk in the house Casey, Barbie, and Serena were all in
bed together! I was shocked and hurt! I couldn't believe my
eyes. No one said anything; what could they say? Here I had
been through hell and high water with them all. And Casey let's
Serena knows where we stay and he is still messing around
with her. And Barbie had slept with my best friend. We had
never done that before nor had we agreed to swap partners. I
put Barbie out of my house because she was just as nasty as
Serena and birds of a father flock together. And that's all there
was to it. Barbie tried to explain how they were all so open
minded when it came to sex. Well I wasn't I had some lines I
didn't cross.

Needless to say that my friendship with Casey was over as
well. And three weeks after that Barbie comes up pregnant. I
knew it wasn't mine we had always practiced safe sex. And I
always looked to see if there was a broke condom or a hole in any one I used. Which there
wasn't. So now my roommate was to become a father to my
ex-girlfriends baby. Because she was going to keep it.

Casey had moved out on the day that rent was due. And you
know what? He moved in with Barbie and Serena. I had a hard
time coming up with that rent. It broke me, but I came up with it.
And now I was back by myself. But more drama was waiting for
me around the corner. Listen to the music as it starts to play.

I had found a better job making more money and fewer
hours than what I was working before. I had decided to go to
school at night. In my French class teacher was fine! I
mean Halle Berry, Iman, Beverly Johnson fine! And I was
digging her when I first saw her. I was trying to play it all down.
You know, act as if I hadn't really noticed her. But if you didn't see
how beautiful she was then something was wrong with you.

I believe a lot of the men in the class were on her. Everyone
tried to stay after class to ask her some silly questions. Or make
some small talk I didn't, I would just say have a nice evening.
Plus we were all on a first name basis with her. Her name?
Chandler.

Fast forward............ Close to the middle like end of the semester.
Chandler and I had started talking to one another. We would go
have a late light snack together, coffee, tea, or we would just
hang out together and talk. I was so turned on by Chandler I couldn't
think straight. And she spoke French so well. She would dazzle
me with her French and she ahd a great accent and she articulated verbally so well.

One thing led to another One night while we sitting at the
park people watching and what not.
Chandler just kissed me! And what a kiss it was everything
grew, brightened, melted, and felt wild! We went straight to my
place we went at it like two love starved sick people!

It was the best sex I have ever had! We took our time with
each other I fell in love that night. I really did. Chandler
stayed with me for four days and nights. The weekend was ours.
I felt like life was now beginning to look up for me. That is
until…….

Now you can start the music! Thanks. Okay, until I found out
that Chandler was married. And you know how you can figure
out the story line on the soap opera? Where I know this one was
easy to figure out. Of course I didn't think she was married.
Why? The obvious. She had stayed the whole weekend with
me and an extra day. I saw no rings not even a tan line where it
a ring use to be.

And this is how I found out that she was married. One night in
class her husband comes and surprises her with a huge
bouquet of red roses. There had to be at least three dozen of
them. Her facial expressions showed the same surprise mine
did, I was hurt! Class was just about over and when he
had walked in the door with all the flowers. The ladies in the
class oohed and ahhed. And Chandler had no choice but to
introduce him as her husband. She looked at me when she
said it then mouthed the words, "I'm sorry Von" I was
devastated I went home that night I lit a fire, and I got drunk.

Around midnight there was a knock on my door. I was still up
and toasted playing the music we were listening to when Chandler and I
had made love. I went to the door without looking through the
peephole I opened the door. We both know who was standing
there right? Chandler.

Chandler had told me that her and her husband Morris had
been separated for the last three months. And she was in the
house and he had found another place to live. Chandler caught
her husband in bed with another woman. And basically she was
on the rebound I was her victim of choice. She had put me
in a very precarious situation and I was upset and hurt by it.
She just needed someone and since I was there. Why not me?
Of course Chandler told me different she said she really liked
me, and yet she was still in love with her husband. But she had
no intentions of going back to her husband. What he had done
was too devastating. And of course she was in no way ready for
a relationship, I could understand that. But how could she
just forget she was married? Here the music starts to come in
for a commercial break?

Needless to say I had forgiven Chandler and our so-called
torrid love affair had started back up. She didn't want to do what
her husband had done and bring another man to the house.
Her husband had brought another woman to their house.
So we mostly met up and stayed at my place. Chandler had filed
for her divorce papers. And one day……..Listen...

Morris had come over to my house. He knocked on the door
looking for Chandler, asking me was I the pathetic mother fuker
Chandler was seeing? I was just as stupid as he was. So
since he was stupid enough to come to my house looking for
her and expecting me to really go get her. I responded by
saying. "Yeah I was the silly simple pathetic mother fuker
Chandler was sleeping with." And that had pissed him off highly
his intentions were to get Chandler to call off the divorce. And for
them to get back together. But Chandler wanted no parts of it
she wanted to stay with me. She wanted to leave and divorce
Morris' punk azz, and he was a punk!

Homie had run up in my house pushing me to the side. I was
hot and heated. I wanted to crack his azz! But I had to think
straight I yelled and told Chandler Morris had broke into the
house. I ran to the phone and dialed 911 to report a break in
and trespassing. Morris was in my house arguing with
Chandler I told him he needed to get the fuk up out of my
house. And he told me to go fuk myself. Then he pushed me.! 

Well that was all the fuel I needed. I had pinned up
aggressions and I was flash backing to when the last dude had
knocked me out and I was robbed. So with everything I had I
turned that fool around by his shoulders and I clocked his big
azz in the jaw! And he instantly
hit the floor! That is when the police arrived.

Chandler was hysterical I didn't know what she was feeling.
But she stood there and looked at Morris as if she felt sorry for
him. But when the police asked her what had happened I
thought she was going to lie. She told them the truth and
they carried Morris' azz down to the station. And I made sure
that I got a restraining order on my house. Because I would be
damned if that man came back to my place and start that shyt
again!

Chandler had apologized for all that had happened. And she
felt really bad. However I needed some time away from her. I
needed to think things out I wanted to know why was I always
attracting drama in my life. Now I know I had asked for it fuking
around with Casey. But the other times I didn't ask for this shyt. I
really loved Chandler because without all the crap that had
happened she was a jewel. And I had to start all over again by
forgiving her in not telling me she was married.

Chandler called me but I would let the answering service pick
up. Now I didn't stop going to schoo we had one
more week to go. And it was hard to pay attention, and it was
hard not to feel. Separate my feelings from what I was here to
do, and that was going to school.

The last day of school Chandler asked me if we could hook
up and go get something to drink or eat and talk. I had agreed.
Chandler told me that she really loved me she had fallen in
love with me. That she wanted to work it all out. She was selling
the house and wanted to move in with me. She wanted to
show me that she loved me and nothing mattered but us. Or
me.

So I did what any other man in love would do. I told her yes.
To move in with me and that I would be there for her. And we
would work it all out. But here is when the sacrifice for love
jumps onto the plate. And the drama more drama and soap
opera music begins.

Morris was giving Chandler a hard time with the divorce and
the sell of the house. So we had to hire attorneys they did
all the talking and mediating between Chandler and her soon to
be ex husband. He was really bitter about her leaving him and
moving in with me. I could understand but don't be mad at me
because you fuked up!

Chandler wanted to fight for at least half of the money the
house would bring. Her name was on it. And for two years she
had paid the mortgage when he was only working part time. And then
going to school part time. It was a mess! Chandler was
stressed all the time and it took a real big toll on our
relationship. Finally after months and months of haggling. He gave her 60% of the monies from the house. She asked
for no spousal support. He made way more money than she
did they just settled on a small settlement. Which that ended
up being a little bit more money from the sale of the house. I felt
now we could get ourselves back on track. Chandler was feeling
a little bit better. So a celebration was in the works we had
decided to go on a little trip some where. I had vacation time
school didn't start back for her until the fall.

The day that we were suppose to leave Morris shows up at
the house. I am putting luggage in the car and he just runs up
on me. Chandler is in the house so she doesn't know what is
going on. I mean we are both out there trying to kill each other.
When Chandler comes outside she screams tries to break us
up and then runs up in the house to call the police. By this time
some how, Morris gets a crowbar from the back of my trunk and
he hits me with it across the chest and he hits my leg. I felt the
pain shoot every which a way through my body. And that pissed
me off even more. I had some how got strength from some
where. And I wailed on his azz! After I was beating his azz
consistently the police show up. Put us both in cuffs that is
until Chandler explains the whole story. They release me and
see that I am bleeding from my chest, and the cops radio for an
ambulance……….

And here I sit, or lay on my vacation. Looking at white walls in
a hospital room over a woman who I love. Her issues became
my issues. Her drama was my drama. And I have three broken
ribs, and a broken leg to prove how much we loved each other.
Drama.

Yeah you heard the organ grinding playing the sweet music you hear on every soap opera ...





7/2002
"Just Toy"
Written Expressions









Design By Humans

Make a free website with Yola