Venting is acceptable, complaining is not. When times are harsh for all, we need support, love, care, and understanding....

It seems as if I am the only one in this world who may be thinking the way that I am. And my favorite saying is, “Maybe it’s just me” And if it is, so shall it be and so it is. Because I will not let anyone change my views and my feelings. Now they may come and enlighten me. I love things like that, but I am pretty much stuck, laid splat just like that.

With the world in a serious uproar over economy. People losing their homes, cars, jobs, and becoming increasingly more and more in debt. And from a report I read on the news off of the internet. More and more people are now applying for food stamps. And the government is not turning anyone away. They just released a grant for $150,000,000! Now that says a lot about the economy doesn’t it? I mean I see more people taking public transportation because gas is too high. Putting gas in your car is like paying rent!

Where am I going with this? Something you already know. I am about to tell you now.

It was one of those weekends where I was dedicating time for “me” Washing my hair, prepping time for me. Since I can not afford to get my eyebrows arched, go and get a pedicure, get waxed, and get a massage. Well all of that has put on the back burner for real! And since I do know how to maintain things like that. Today is the day. However………

It is a beautiful day, early. I smell my hazelnut coffee permeating the air. My tummy slightly grumbling. But food can wait. I decide to stretch, get up and make my bed. Straighten up my room. And I clean my bathroom. I wanted to give my coffee some time to be nice and hot before I made a cup. I then go ahead and jump in the shower only to wash my hair and take a quick shower. I was going to do the spa bath thing later. I put all the necessary masks and moisturizers in my hair and wrapped a plastic cap and towel over my head. My coffee is nice and hot and only needs some hazelnut creamer and a couple of bags of splenda. It is now that I hear my phone ring, it’s early, but not abnormal for me to get calls early in the AM. I looked and it is my boy from Las Vegas. Okay….hmmmmmm…..

“Greetings babe! What are you doing up this early? What is it? Four in the morning out there?”

“Yeah. I’m on my way to the house.”

“Daaaang. You went and hung out all night huh?”

“Man! Let me tell you what happened. I decided to get off work and go have a drink at the lounge. I knew I could drink for free because my girl Tracy work up there. Okay let me catch you up, Tracy is one of the girls that my boy Arthur is messing around with. My money is tight. So I went and hung there.”
“Okay. So did you have a good time?”

“You call me man one more time.” I started laughing, and so did he.

“You know how I mean it. Anyway, I am sitting up at the bar talking to her. She standing next to me and we shooting the shyt right? And guess who walks in the door and sees me talking to her?”

“Who?” I am now making my coffee and I have turned on my computer to let it warm up.

“Karen! She walks right over and straight up ask me. Who is she?” I am now shaking my head profusely. This is drama too early in the morning.


“Right! So as I am talking to Tracy. Karen walks over there and she is all angry and has an attitude. But Tracy introduces herself to her. Extends her hand and Karen is looking at her like she is ready to smack that shyt out of her.” I am now rolling my eyes up in the air and shaking my head again. Taking baby sips of my coffee. Because it is hot.

“So what did you do?”

“I finished my drink and I left.”

“You left?”

“Yeap, and Karen is right behind me. I was only in the lounge for about a half an hour.”

“So you let her run you up out of there?”

“Well I knew that if I didn’t leave it was going to be holy hell drama. So I go to the convenient store about two blocks up around the corner and she is right behind me. I park the car and get out and she parks her car and gets out and starts all this mad hollering, yelling and screaming at me. Hitting and kicking my car trying to put a dent in it!”

“First of all, how did she know you were up there?”

“She didn’t! I told you I had left her alone. Told her I was done with her. I told her what you told me.”

“Which was?”

“My girl told me to leave you alone before I get caught up.”
“You told her that?”

“Yeah, why not? And Rain, I am not going to lie. I did get caught up. With the crazy sex we had. And I had caught feelings for her.” You know I am shaking my head for real now right? Damn.

“I didn’t know you had feelings for the girl.”
“Yeap, big time! And that is why I said it was time for me to leave her alone. I mean we all had agreed to do us. No one wondered or cared about what the other did when we were not around each other. And Karen is wild. She messing around with a lot of other guys, swinging, and she doing chicks too!”

“Yeah but you were cool with that though.”
“I was until I got caught up emotionally.” Now I am cleaning up my other bathroom while he is talking. Letting him get it all out before I let him have it! So right now he is keeping me company while I clean.

“So where are you now?”

“I am on my way home to the house.”
“And what does Chris think you are doing? Or at?”

“She thinks I am doing overtime.”

“So what are you going to do? I mean did you not tell me that you were done with Karen? Why do you keep answering her phone calls?”

“Man, oops sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“I can not see who is calling me. So I wear my Bluetooth and I just answer. She has been calling me all week and all day today telling me she was not ready to get rid of me.”

“You know what Arthur, I hate to say it. But you are a complete fool and a mess. I do not know why you are putting yourself in all of these precarious situations. You are married and having mad problems at home. Your wife has moved all these people in the house. Does not respect you at all. You two have been married for years. And you are out here cavorting with all these women. Too scared for whatever reason to leave your wife. And you can make it on your own. Let me tell you where I am at with all of this. My rent is due as we speak. And I just hustled up $300 to pay my utilities. And you are worried about some women chasing you and chasing women? I mean just yesterday you told me about two other girls who wanted to hook up. The drama with your wife. And how you just got laid with some chick from your job! Man listen to me. Until you get you together. Pay some of my bills. I laughed. I do not want to hear this crap about how your wife is treating you and what you are doing . Because every time I tell you to leave those women alone. And to go ahead and just move out and file for your divorce. Do not bring this drama to my door.”

And I hung up the phone. I was now getting the vacuum to do my floors. And I was slightly heated. Because Arthur and I have been going back and forth with his estranged marriage and these women for months! No, it‘s been years. I had a lot on my plate, and I could give a……well I could careless about such foolishness. And to me he was not going to stop the shenanigans no time soon!

My coffee was now cold! And so I was slightly peeved about that. I had to re-warm it. So just as I finished doing my floors, I ran hot water in a bucket to mop the floors. My phone had rung again. It was my girl Nikki. We hadn’t talked on the phone in awhile. I had hoped she had worked out her situation with this guy she was dating. Because we were mostly speaking to each other in emails about what he was doing, what he wasn’t doing. How he was more than a flirt. Meaning, she had no problem with him flirting at work. Because they worked at the same office. But he was hitting on these women! And we had three conversations about him. She did all the talking. One thing I have learned is that when a woman complains about her man. You have to stay neutral in the situation. You DO not give her advice. Because she is going to do what SHE wants to do with this man. No matter what you tell her. If he is cheating, beating, lying, and taking her there emotionally and mentally. She will not leave him alone until SHE is ready to leave him. So therefore you will be wasting your breath! I have stayed very far but yet close to situations like this. Had my girls tell me ,”We have and understanding. He will tell me when he wants another woman” Really? Hmmmmmm….or he loves me, he does X,Y, and Z for me. Okay, have fun getting hurt! Is all I can say.

Well Nikki was one of those who was a giver. She hadn’t had a man in awhile. This was not because she didn’t or couldn’t get one. This was a choice she had made. But she goes and gets the wrong one! He is emotionally a wreck, in need of help all the time. And because of who she is, she is helping him mentally, emotionally, and financially heal. And already knows that he used the last two chicks he was with before her! I just shook my head at all of this. And never said anything to her about her choice. Nikki was not a stupid woman by any means. I just knew she was caught up right now. And she would soon see some light. Hopefully. Because she had men and women asking her, even his best friends. “Why are you with him? You are too good for him and he does not appreciate you” I said nothing. I gave Nikki only the reality of her situation, the positive and the negative. And yes, she was too good for him. And yes I had seen and heard things to. But…….


“Hey boo what’cha doing?”
“About to mop and sweep my bathroom floors.”

“You want me to call you back?”

“Nah, you’re okay. Beside we have not caught up with each other. What’s new?”

“Ahhh nothing much. I just got Ritchie up so that he can get ready to go to basketball practice.”

“Awwww, kiss my baby for me.”
“Girl this boy works my nerves!” We both laughed.

“Well you spoiled him. And you know it is going to get worse.”

“I know right?”


“So what are you going to do today?”

“Do a me spa day thing. I am working on the hair right now. And get the house cleaned up. And figure out what and how I am going to handle these credit cards ad my mortgage. Work on some food in this house.”

“I hear ya. We are all going through it . Cynthia is losing her house. And David just got his car repossessed. He was behind two months on his car payment and insurance.”

“Man, who isn’t going through it? Hell I was online and I read that over there has been 56,000 people had applied for unemployment benefits in Georgia.”

“And they laid off over fifty people from my job. And Darran, well they downsized two departments. He was the one caught up in that. Two hundred people.”

“Whoooo! It is a hot mess out here.”

“Tell me about it. And I am having issues with Russell. I just shook my head. Here we go again. Dammit, it’s too early for all of this drama! Girl I have had more and more people who I hardly know come up to me at my job and tell me things. I mean they are not saying that he is cheating on me. Just that I can do better. And I have cut off all of that helping him. He does more for me. And that is what I am talking about. You do me, and not me do you. He has bought me jewelry, put some groceries in my house. And he is taking me out to lunch and paying for it.”

“So that is basically justifying what he is doing? I mean that is what I am getting. You know he has used you. Know that he is doing more than flirting with the women up at the job. And he is using or has been using you. And so now that he does a few things for you. That makes it all good now. I got you.”

“Wait a minute I am not saying that. I am just saying that the shoe is on the other foot now. I am not doing everything for him anymore. He is paying for everything.”

“Well babe I would do what he is doing for you so I wouldn’t lose you either! Nikki you have been pregnant by this man and have had an abortion. This man has used you for your money and taken advantage of your kindness. And has hit on all the women at your job. And you have said it is okay. So you are getting what you want. What you deserve. And as long as you want it. It don’t bother me babe. For real. So as far as Mr. Russell goes. I have no more patience for that. Matter fact I have no relationship drama. Wanna know why? I will tell you. I love love, for real now. And I lovedbeing loved. But guess what? I have some more pressing issues to deal with. My bills are due. I do not have a job. Unemployment has not kicked in as of yet. And I need food in my house. That is more pressing than some news about a man who you knew was a jerk off for a long time. Call me when you want to talk of anything other than that madness!” And I hung up the phone.

I had my coffee, I sat down for about five minutes and checked and read my emails. A sister is looking for a job. So I have to see what fish is on the line that will at least give me something, I see now that I am going to have to “lower my standards” the money I am worth and would like to make is going to have to be. The money I need to make and pay the bills. Even if I am living form check to check. I will just have to take a side job. Or make a hustle work. Shhhh…… damn.

Once I finished my coffee. I went ahead and swept the floors and mopped. Okay, so it was still early. So I went ahead and rinsed the mask moisturizers from my hair and put another one in. Went and retrieved my foot bath and caboodle that held all my polish and things to work on my feet and hands. I had it all from foot soak to all the implements needed. Besides, I would work harder and longer on my feet than they would at the salon anyways.

So as I was going to get my towel and run my water for my foot bath. My phone rings again. I look up towards the ceiling. Because it all comes in threes. And I knew that this call was going to be one of those complain, bitching, nagging, venting sessions. So guess what? I went ahead and answered it. Because everyone was going to have it. You know how they say it all depends on the day you catch me? Well this is one of those days that people were catching me at the wrong and right time. The right time because I was being truthful. The wrong time because I really didn’t want to hear all the griping of the same thing if you were not going to be a real man or woman and stand up and change it. I was not going to be worn with all the …..


“Hey honey bunny!”

“Hey mami! How you doing?”

“I’m good. I wanted to come and stay the weekend at your house. Is that okay? We catch up, get faded. I will bring some food. And we can go out and hang at some free spots. I mean, it is what it is right?”

“Ohhhh, that sounds cool. I can have a couple of people come through and we can play some board games and cards. Each person can bring a bottle of wine. Maybe all put in on some food. I wouldn’t mind doing a little cooking. Some nice music. Yeah, that would be cool.”

“Yeah my girlfriend is taking her ex girl out to eat this Sunday and I really do not want to be around the house when she does come by to drop some money off. And you know they are working on her house. It’s still under construction, so she doesn’t have any water or gas on. And giiiiiirl you know I am really trying hard. And give Brooklyn a chance to handle her business with Bianca. But Bianca does not have any family here. So Brooklyn, well she feels bad that she can’t do a lot of stuff for herself. Okay, here I am rolling my eyes up towards the ceiling, blowing out air, and I am shaking my head. Not again. I really thought I was going to have a good chat and look forward to just relaxing and relating and sharing with some close associates. Not think of all the bills that were due. And how I was going to get a job. And here I am inviting my girl over, or she was inviting herself over to escape her emotional woes and relationship crap. And so that I will not act all stupid and stuff and her see me like that. I would just rather come over to your house.”

“So you are telling me that you are not coming over here to spend time with me, but you are coming over here to get away from Brooklyn?”

“Don’t say it like that. You know I love you. I just need to clear my head. I mean, I am really trying to be with her. And I love her and she is good to me. But maybe some of the things she does with Bianca. I don’t know.”

“Well honey, you knew she was involved with another girl when you got with her. Living with her as well. You told me you were just having fun and was glad she was in a relationship. It was just about sex with you. And I also told you that getting involved with someone who is married, in a relationship would be heartache. And that you would catch feelings for her. And ever since you got involved with her it has been one episode after the other. One major episode after another. Your feelings are like a roller coaster. One minute you cool. You are going to kick back. And the next minute you spending time with her. You are caught up in some type of whirlwind with her. You were the side piece, and now you are waiting for her to leave one relationship and make you the Queen Bee in this one.” Why with every phone call I am shaking my head? It is tooooo early for all of this. And I am not really finding any resolve of importance in these matters. We all have family and friends that are suffering and going through some financial crisis or another. And I can not believe that people are worried about when they last time they had sex. Or when are they going to have it. Or worried about such trivial things! I mean, I do have compassion your husband or wife is leaving. A relationship is falling apart and you’re hurt. Been there, done that. I got seven T-shirts from it and guess white? They are alllll too small! Again I can not see the emergency in wondering where my man is at this time. I love him, I know he loves me. If he is cheating or doing some other woman. I can not worry about that. We are both going through some major things right now. And what we have done is come together to offer some solutions and help in different areas. Am I seeing him as much as I would like to? No. Because we have a lot on our plates. And there are more pressing issues than just having sex! Jeez!!!

“You right, you right. But I still need and want to get out. I need to think.”

“Sure come on. I will make the phone calls and get the people together.”

“Okay….I love you. Don’t be mad at me.” And she kissed in the phone and hung up.

I finished my feet. Took my bath, finished my hair. And did my nails. I also did a facial. A deep cleansing one that made my skin look incredible! There were a few that I text and sent emails to. Those who hit me back had said they were all able to slide on through. And spending five to ten dollars on a bottle of wine or bringing some snacks, and even putting in on something had no problem with it. So it was set the night was going to be all of us getting together and showing love, having fun, putting all our financial woes on the back burner for this one night.

Krystal came over to the house bringing food and a huge bottle of wine. She was all happy to see me and some of our associates. It wasn’t until, around one in the morning that Krystal says she has to go. Knowing that this was about Brooklyn, I said fine. I was not going to let it ruin my fun. Because we all were having some real fun tonight. Or this morning I should say. Krystal told me that she would be back later this morning. That we could go shopping together. Which mainly consisted of me getting much needed things for my daily use. And I had to get my clothes from cleaners.. I had money for that. And Krystal said that she was going to pay for our lunch. That she would take me. And that she had some free movie passes. So I was cool with it,

When I got up later that morning, she never called never showed up. Here is my best friend. In need of so much right now. She has a part time job, she hustles and gets money from who and whatever. I don’t knock her for what SHE feels she has to do to keep gas in her car. Get her bills paid and whatever else. However, here she was caught up in a mess with emotions. And she had a lot on her plate.

As my day had started to wind down. I had heard nothing from Krystal all day. And that was fine with me. Because I was not to have anything to do with her again . She stood me up, and she took her energy off the prize. I love, and so much enjoy being a positive light in someone’s life. It is beautiful! And we all need someone to help, lean on, talk to, in these times. And I can understand that. And I am with that very much. But when we take our focus off of how can we all be Indians , and later chiefs. Protect our fort and look out for others. Not sit gripe and complain about silly things like this….. Maybe….just maybe it is me. Because I do have compassion and love and want to be there. But come on! How can I do that? It our main focus and concern are regards to relationship blues? And it seems as if the battle is being lost. I can’t help you eat or get a job, or with gas if you are running up behind things or someone that is not helping you in your dire need.

Focus…..I have to focus. I have to believe there is hope. That things will get better. I can not wear anyone’s burdens of such trivial things as wild behavior. Or someone being caught up and all twisted in the head for someone who could careless! Shyt……I wanna know who is going to help me keep my ass from being put out my place. Can you feel that emotion?


“Just Toy”

Written Expressions


This is first dedicated to one of my “My Space” friends who we have been keeping up with each other for a couple of years. We may veer off, but we always connect back up. He was giving me something to write about through a chat session. And it was in one of the emails that he had sent me, that had really grabbed me by the throat. It was a feeling I had been having as well. And he went deeper and further into it in just a few lines in the email. While I read a story about it. I told him, “I have my story. Thank you” So to J.R in Moreno Valley , Cali. AKA D.J. Don Rezzie in my mob crew (lol) This one of for you love!!!!! Hop you feel me, and the story.


This is all dedicated to my readers as well. There are also some that I have spoken with on My Space that are in fear of losing homes, can not get jobs, unemployed, lay-offs, and those who do not know where life is going. I feel and have compassions for you all. And I do hope that you are with a group if Indians that help and assist you. And help with solutions and love.

3D bedding sets on sale

Make a free website with Yola